/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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subhuman filth: Nov 1, 2006

Yup he's pretty much a whiny idiot.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:16

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# ? May 29, 2024 17:03

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

No one's making fun of him for going to the hospital, we're making fun of him for having a meltdown online about how the doctor 'palmed him off' to a nurse.

Speaking of meltdowns :holymoley:

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:19

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Lmfao it's not even got the right kind of splint!! Can this guy do anything right *slide whistle*

A man stubs his toe, begins screaming and crying, puts it in a home made cast and rushes to the doctor

The doctor takes off the cast the retard has cobbled from spit and toilet paper and orders some x-rays, man screeches that he needs HELP and his boo boo must be tended to, the idiot cast returned to it's proper state

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:21

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Danaru posted:

No one's making fun of him for going to the hospital, we're making fun of him for having a meltdown online about how the doctor 'palmed him off' to a nurse.

Yeah and I'm making fun of the responses about him having an improper bandage to expect medical care, or that homemade bandages will not receive medical care because they are beneath the doctors being asked to look at them.

Lol dude 3 posts disagreeing with people on a story is not a meltdown, it's the point of the thread

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:22

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

r/legaladvice: Doctor refused to kiss my owie better, this is gross malpractice, possibility of legal action????

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:23

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Yeah that's my point, a guy that goes to the doctor for a broken hand but isn't manly enough, according to the GBS thread that is not a person receiving care from a medical professional,

His hand wasn't broken. He thought it was broken. If it was actually broken he wouldn't be wrapping a loving tensor bandage around it because the constant pressure on the fine bones in his hand would cause him to pass the gently caress out. The doctor's way smarter than him, and has enough other poo poo to do that babying one person for an extra five minutes (because it would not have been one minute, no matter what the OP says) is not in the schedule. You give that task to the people who literally have that in his job description. Doctors diagnose, they don't draw blood, they don't change bandages, they don't insert catheters.

My job involves helping diagnose technical issues, and fixing some of them. But I don't do tutorials on how to use the program, that's someone else's job. Even if I have time, I am not going to teach someone. I imagine a doctor's going to be under a lot more pressure than me, and have a lot more poo poo to take care of than doing someone else's job.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:29

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Man I'm so glad I read goons arguing about proper bandage care

I [22F] feel weird about my boyfriend [23M] who is meeting up with his female online friend tomorrow

quote:

u/throwaway3749583

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. About 6 months ago at the movies I was checking a snapchat for my boyfriend and saw he was best friends (for those who don't know, it means you send each other snaps a lot) with a girl who I had never met before let alone heard about before. I asked him who she was and why she was his best friend on the app and he said they met on overwatch and play a lot together. He also said she was a lesbian and in a relationship so I was completely fine with that and never brought the topic up again (please note: I'm fine with my boyfriend having female friends, I guess I was spooked because he had never even mentioned her before and I only found out about her through his app)

Flash forward 7 or so months and he tells me he is meeting up with her on the weekend because she only lives an hour away. I say fine and ask "that's okay, she is the lesbian girl in a relationship right?" and he replied "uh I don't know." when I clearly remember him saying so 7 months ago.

Now theres a big difference between him meeting up with girl who isn't even interested in guys who is also in a relationship and him meeting up with a single girl who is into guys. After he told me that I told him I was kinda uncomfortable with the whole situation and I felt weird about it but I'm fine with him going if he's truthful about them only being friends and he promises me that he'll cut her off if she starts being weird or flirty towards him. He said yes but laughed while saying it.

My question is, am I overreacting? What should I do? I feel so weird about it but I'd never stop him from going because I don't want to be controlling. What would you do in this situation?

tl;dr: Boyfriend meeting up with girl he met online, I feel weird about it

My dude if you must lie to your girlfriend so you can bang chicks you met playing Overwatch at least write the lies down somewhere. Maybe a little notebook of some sort. You can get them at Barnes & Noble.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:36

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Avenging_Mikon posted:

His hand wasn't broken. He thought it was broken. If it was actually broken he wouldn't be wrapping a loving tensor bandage around it because the constant pressure on the fine bones in his hand would cause him to pass the gently caress out. The doctor's way smarter than him, and has enough other poo poo to do that babying one person for an extra five minutes (because it would not have been one minute, no matter what the OP says) is not in the schedule. You give that task to the people who literally have that in his job description. Doctors diagnose, they don't draw blood, they don't change bandages, they don't insert catheters.

Doctors also misdiagnose, they gently caress things up, they overlook things, just this week a man was declared dead that wasn't dead and the Doctor refused to reconsider

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...m=.3bd477efdd07

I don't think a person that disagrees with a doctor is wrong, and I don't think they're a whiny pissbaby. Doctors make mistakes, they gently caress things up, and they can be pretty callous when they get in their routine. I get a very different take from the story, that of a standard lovely doctor's office visit where this person got the usual care. I don't feel the situation is excessive, but I also don't feel their complaints are unreasonable.

quote:

My job involves helping diagnose technical issues, and fixing some of them. But I don't do tutorials on how to use the program, that's someone else's job. Even if I have time, I am not going to teach someone. I imagine a doctor's going to be under a lot more pressure than me, and have a lot more poo poo to take care of than doing someone else's job.

Let's not do the "I'm an IT guy so i know how hard doctors have it" thing, I don't think people receiving medical care should be treated like IT people treat users / customers / servers for a whole bunch of reasons

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:36

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Doctors don't bandage you up. They don't draw blood. They don't administer shots. That's all done by other people. Have you ever been to a doctor?

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:44

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Doctors also misdiagnose, they gently caress things up, they overlook things, just this week a man was declared dead that wasn't dead and the Doctor refused to reconsider

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...m=.3bd477efdd07

I don't think a person that disagrees with a doctor is wrong, and I don't think they're a whiny pissbaby. Doctors make mistakes, they gently caress things up, and they can be pretty callous when they get in their routine. I get a very different take from the story, that of a standard lovely doctor's office visit where this person got the usual care. I don't feel the situation is excessive, but I also don't feel their complaints are unreasonable.

Let's not do the "I'm an IT guy so i know how hard doctors have it" thing, I don't think people receiving medical care should be treated like IT people treat users / customers / servers for a whole bunch of reasons

You have chosen to die on the hill of "idiot pissboy crying about the hand he broke jerking off knows more about medicine than a doctor" huh

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:45

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Yeah and I'm making fun of the responses about him having an improper bandage to expect medical care, or that homemade bandages will not receive medical care because they are beneath the doctors being asked to look at them.

What exactly do you think Nurses do

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:46

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

My (25f) SO (27m) of 8 years said something about our two daughters' (<3f) future friends that creeped me out. Overreacting?

quote:

u/savpag

SO and I have a good sex life. We both are very kinky, and open to everything.

Recently, I opened my SO's interest browser and saw some porn he had watched recently. Daddy+Daughter and Daughter Swap (2 dad's letting one another gently caress their daughters).

Initially, I was really uncomfortable, considering we have daughters together. But, I get it! I have weird fantasies that I like to see in porn but would never want included in my real, actual sex life. Fantasy in porn does not always align with desires in reality. I've watched really similar stuff, and worse. I didn't bring it up.

Fast forward to last night: SO and I were hanging out with a good friend I've had since high school. We were all drinking. We got on the topic of how when we were still in high school I and walked in on this friend's dad sitting on the couch naked. It was hilarious because her dad was so embarrassed that he tried to act like it just wasn't happening, I did the same and I rushed into my friend's room. He was later apologetic and mortified and that was that.

Then my SO chimes in, commenting on how my friend's dad didn't react right away when I walked in on him naked. He said something along the lines of, "Well yeah, if I was 60 years old and my daughter's hot 17-year-old friend walked in I would let it all hang out too. I might even wiggle it."

I kind of scolded him, like, what the gently caress, babe? You're talking about our daughter's future friends. That's gross. I was obviously super uncomfortable and so was my friend. My SO just kind of kept defending it and saying it in different ways before eventually saying that he was trying to stick up for my friend's dad and nothing else.

Am I overreacting? I feel really grossed out, uncomfortable, etc.

Tldr; SO made weird comments about our daughters future friends in a sexual context. What the gently caress?

Well that's pretty gross, let's check the comments!

quote:

I was reluctant to add this to my post because I didn't want to draw attention from the question, but it may be relevant? Maybe not.

I thought I knew my SO extremely well. Best friends, yada yada. Then I found him trying to cheat using dating sites earlier in the year. We are trying to work through this. But along the way, I have found some things out about him that I would have never, ever predicted. So that probably adds to my paranoia and insecurity surrounding this.

I agree with your comment. But I'm wondering if it holds true for my SO.

I wonder what she found out about him that is adding to her paranoia.

EDIT: I creeped her post history...

I am so loving close.

quote:

u/savpag

SO. CLOSE.

My relationship has been such a poo poo show the past year (if not more) and I think it's just now hitting me how real this is.

I am just another unappreciated SAHM to three kids under four and a late twenties "man."

He's hidden major things about his own identity. He's lied. He's cheated. He's indulged in online attention multiple times. He's been caught and he did it again.

I know how this looks without details and context - but given the circumstances under which all of these things happened, I chose forgiveness. I CHOSE TO FORGIVE THIS MAN. I CHOSE PATIENCE. I CHOSE UNDERSTANDING.

What do I get in return? Nothing.

He doesn't help with the kids or the house or the cooking or cleaning or ANYTHING (unless, of course, he finally fixes a toilet that broke over a year ago). He sits on his rear end when he is home while I wait on him hand-and-loving-foot. He says please and thank you. But that's about it.

Right now, the twin babies and I are sick. Yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a truck. What does he do? Sleeps in until 1pm and then promptly tells me he is leaving to go play music with a buddy. I remind him to not be gone all day because I'm sick and don't want to do all of the everything today.

He loses his poo poo. Absolutely loses it.

Says I'm ridiculous and it's because I'm a woman and only women play games like this (as he's holding one of our baby girls).

He yells and tantrums until he leaves. And then he stays gone until it's almost the girls bedtime. At least he brought home the food that I asked for? That I cooked for my own drat self, while sick as hell.

A couple of days ago I told him I am tired of doing everything around here and he lost it then, too. He said I was throwing shots at him. I wasn't. I was being honest about my feelings and careful with my tone.

He said, "if you wanna be real, you haven't worked for a thing in your loving life." I've worked my rear end off since I was 18 years old. Yes, I've been blessed with a very supportive and helpful family and yes, I had to quit my job when we had the twins to be a SAHM. But before that, I worked more than him.

He has no qualms with being just downright mean to me.

My resentment level is almost at oooone-hunnid, y'all. Don't know how much more I can take.

LADY WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OUT.

girl pants fucked around with this message at 19:50 on Feb 2, 2018

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:46

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My [17 F] teacher [30 M] frequently discusses his personal religious views and makes me feel uncomfortable in class. He's not a bad person and hasn't done anything explicit wrongly, but I still don't think the situation is right.

I'm a junior in HS right now. The teacher in one of my electives, H (thirty is an estimate, I'm not really sure tbh), is the center of my issue. I have had this teacher for multiple years because he teaches the only type of an elective class in our school.

My teacher is super, super religious. Wears a cross around his neck, is very obviously conservative, injects his opinions into unrelated stuff without really saying what they are but always implying them (uses the phrase "personal responsibility" a lot, y'know), has that kinda polite smugness that you are probably familiar with if you spend time around these specific types of religious people. Hosts the schools big religion club. He is a very very nice person despite my personal disagreements with him, like he has adopted multiple children and is planning to adopt more and is very active in charity and is very polite, which I respect, but the way he acts in class is honestly kind of messed up.

Twice during the year he has actually gone on a short lecture about how he thought abortion was wrong and how it affected the mother, before offering to adopt the baby of any girl in class if they ever had a problem, making eye-contact with me and most other girls in the class. He somewhat frequently comments on political or religious stuff keeping it vague. Most girls in the class I've spoken to have said they also feel targeted with the abortion bits.

I want to clarify that this teacher is the farthest thing from a creep in terms of that kinda thinking, but it just sometimes awkward and unnatural with the religious stuff. Several students or former-students have died since I started here and he usually goes on a speech imploring us to "figure out what is REALLY important" in life without going straight to Jesus, but it's always there in the background and always super obvious, and once or twice a quarter he will frankly have like a ten minute "you guys should come to Jesus" talk and it's illegal and most people know he's not allowed to do that but nobody cares or wants to get him in trouble.

I bring this up now because it kinda hit a point to me where I feel somewhat offended. I had a parent die and this teacher spoke to me privately about it and I felt uncomfortable about it. He didn't directly bring up Jesus but he made it really REALLY obvious that's what he wanted to talk about and I just sat quietly and thanked him but it bugged me. Like he was purposely targeted me to convert, and I'm not religious and it made me feel terrible, honestly. I didn't say anything at the time (I'm very short and I tend to get uncomfortable in these types of situations) but still i was upset and I'm slightly more looking back.

I recognize that what H is doing is "wrong", but at the same time, he really thinks that people who don't believe this stuff with go to Hell and is just trying to do what's right, and if you reported him he'd probably just think that made him more right. It's a very weird and I don't want to paint it like a black or white thing but it's still wrong, I feel, especially the way he spoke to me privately about my loss.

tl;dr: My teacher is super religious and discusses religion and politics in class, and I feel uncomfortable with it but do not want to report him because I don't think he necessarily deserves to get punished for this which he would. But at the same time I don't think he should be speaking in the way he is.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:49

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Blade Runner posted:

You have chosen to die on the hill of "idiot pissboy crying about the hand he broke jerking off knows more about medicine than a doctor" huh

I've chosen to comment on a reddit story in the GBS thread for commenting on relationship posts from reddit. Presenting it as "dying on a hill" is the dumbest poo poo dude

quote:

What exactly do you think Nurses do

I think this dude was legitimately in some pain that worsened once the bandage was removed and the doctor could have returned the injured limb to a state that was comfortable for this guy instead of making him wait 45 minutes for a nurse. That's about it.

It's not a grand tragedy, but I do think it sucks, and I find dismissing it as "whiny pissbaby" even weirder

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

If people like it in porn they want to do it. It�s just a question of whether they�re willing to admit it, including to themselves. That�s why it matters.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

People are literally conditioning themselves to think sex slavery etc is ok. It�s a real problem.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:51

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

girl pants posted:

My (25f) SO (27m) of 8 years said something about our two daughters' (<3f) future friends that creeped me out. Overreacting?

Well that's pretty gross, let's check the comments!

I wonder what she found out about him that is adding to her paranoia.

EDIT: I creeped her post history...

I am so loving close.

LADY WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OUT.

Holy loving :murder:

this man

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:53

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I've chosen to comment on a reddit story in the GBS thread for commenting on relationship posts from reddit. Presenting it as "dying on a hill" is the dumbest poo poo dude

I think this dude was legitimately in some pain that worsened once the bandage was removed and the doctor could have returned the injured limb to a state that was comfortable for this guy instead of making him wait 45 minutes for a nurse. That's about it.

It's not a grand tragedy, but I do think it sucks, and I find dismissing it as "whiny pissbaby" even weirder

You think this because you don't know anything about doctors or how hospitals work, apparently

This makes you 'die on a hill' because you have retardedly dug into a position and refused to budge on it despite it being nonsense and having people tell you it's nonsense

As for the other story, open the relationship because your idiot husband is gonna leave you for an 18 year old, might as well get pounded on the side first

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:56

Arturia: Jan 24, 2017; Can't stop clicking circles

girl pants posted:

My (25f) SO (27m) of 8 years said something about our two daughters' (<3f) future friends that creeped me out. Overreacting?

hmmmmmmm

girl pants posted:

SO and I have a good sex life. We both are very kinky, and open to everything.

HMMMMMMM

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:58

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

girl pants posted:

Man I'm so glad I read goons arguing about proper bandage care

I [22F] feel weird about my boyfriend [23M] who is meeting up with his female online friend tomorrow

My dude if you must lie to your girlfriend so you can bang chicks you met playing Overwatch at least write the lies down somewhere. Maybe a little notebook of some sort. You can get them at Barnes & Noble.

To be fair she seems to be dumb enough to have not caught on immediately so maybe it'd have worked perfectly if she didn't happen to hit on the idea to ask the Internet about it

Pick posted:

If people like it in porn they want to do it. It’s just a question of whether they’re willing to admit it, including to themselves. That’s why it matters.

I think this is the same mindset that guy whose girlfriend told him to read 50 Shades Of Grey had

# ? Feb 2, 2018 19:58

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

girl pants posted:

Man I'm so glad I read goons arguing about proper bandage care

I [22F] feel weird about my boyfriend [23M] who is meeting up with his female online friend tomorrow

My dude if you must lie to your girlfriend so you can bang chicks you met playing Overwatch at least write the lies down somewhere. Maybe a little notebook of some sort. You can get them at Barnes & Noble.

The friend could be sucking the guy's dick in front of her and she'd still wonder if he was cheating

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:00

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Help me workout the logistics w/r/t amorous activities in my loving ice palace :iceland:

Because of the heating (or lack thereof) in our house, every time my husband and I [29M&F] have sex, I'm in sweats and pajamas. Is this going to decrease his attraction?

quote:

Together since early 20s, married 3 years. We live in a relatively large house and we figured out that it costs a poo poo ton of money to heat it in the winter. So we fixed this issue by getting a super insulated quilt, and heating the house to only 55 degrees while we're sleeping. I know this sounds unbearable, but my husband feels very strongly about this (I support the idea although I'm less strict about it) and I'm honestly super warm while I'm sleeping because of the quilt.

All of that said, I am NOT warm as I'm getting ready for bed (we heat the house to about 65-67 when we're awake, but even then, I'm super cold in anything other than sweats). Around the house at night, I'm usually wearing leggings and a big sweatshirt, sometimes a sweatshirt layered underneath another sweatshirt. It doesn't help that I'm one of those people who's "always cold." Even if it was 69-70 in the house I would want to wear a sweater or sweatshirt.

I know that men are visual creatures. My husband and I have sex frequently, but because of the cold, it normally starts with us both under the covers, in the dark, and with me dressed like the Michelin Man. He still seems to get off, but I asked him once if the lack of visual stimulation is a problem. He made some comment like "Well I'd feel terrible asking you to get naked or show me your body when it's so cold."

He knows I have a tendency to be insecure, so I know if this was a big issue for him he wouldn't tell me- plus, he'd feel evil asking me to get all dolled up when it's freezing. But he claims it's not an issue.

I'd love a male perspective on how bad this would actually be. I'm not particularly visual, so I don't care if I see his body before sex or not, but I know historically he's a visual person and I'm not sure how much this bugs him.

tl;dr: Every time we bone, I'm dressed like the Michelin Man, and my husband claims he doesn't mind but I know he'd lie about this to spare my feelings.

[edit]Holy gently caress this gem from the comments, it's the highest rated reply :psyboom:

quote:

The visual thing is a myth. If anything, it�s smell. That being said, as long as he can get a good look a couple times a month, I wouldn�t worry.

really dude, really :stare:

Ham Sandwiches fucked around with this message at 20:07 on Feb 2, 2018

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:02

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I maintain 50 Shades woman probably is a lazy stupid bitch who wants a billionaire to feed her pancakes

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:05

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Pick posted:

I maintain 50 Shades woman probably is a lazy stupid bitch who wants a billionaire to feed her pancakes

same

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:06

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Avenging_Mikon posted:

My job involves helping diagnose technical issues, and fixing some of them. But I don't do tutorials on how to use the program, that's someone else's job. Even if I have time, I am not going to teach someone. I imagine a doctor's going to be under a lot more pressure than me, and have a lot more poo poo to take care of than doing someone else's job.

heh, tutorials? that's beneath my stature as an expert computer janitor. those who can't, teach, am i right?? :smugdog:

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:08

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Why does everyone who claims a good sex life make sure to swear up and down they are very kinky and do lots of stuff? Your level of kink or squareness does not necessarily equate to the sex being good or bad.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:09

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Help me workout the logistics w/r/t amorous activities in my loving ice palace

Because of the heating (or lack thereof) in our house, every time my husband and I [29M&F] have sex, I'm in sweats and pajamas. Is this going to decrease his attraction?

this lady is v v neurotic and there is literally no problem and nothing is wrong

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:10

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Why does everyone who claims a good sex life make sure to swear up and down they are very kinky and do lots of stuff? Your level of kink or squareness does not necessarily equate to the sex being good or bad.

To establish that they are open and empowered with their sexuality, they explore it and try stuff to see if they like it, so the reader can be certain they're not timid and boring in bed.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:11

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Have sex in the shower with the hot water on? Install a sauna? Get a space heater for the garage and put an old gross mattress in there? Line your bed with those disposable hand warmers?

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:11

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

dudeness posted:

Have sex in the shower with the hot water on? Install a sauna? Get a space heater for the garage and put an old gross mattress in there? Line your bed with those disposable hand warmers?

That sounds like an expensive waste of hot water!!!

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:13

Khorne: May 1, 2002

dudeness posted:

Have sex in the shower with the hot water on?

This doesn't actually work if it's cold enough.

Space heater does in fact work. So would turning up the heat, assuming they have a properly functioning furnace or whatever heat system they're using.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:14

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

I'm extremely kinky, I like to have sex sideways on the bed instead of perpindicular to the headboard. One time we even did it diagonal

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:14

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Al Borland Corp. posted:

One time we even did it diagonal

Aww, how acute.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:15

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Khorne posted:

This doesn't actually work if it's cold enough.

Space heater does in fact work. So would turning up the heat, assuming they have a properly functioning furnace or whatever heat system they're using.

I have a hard time imagining the point of having a huge rear end house then saving $20-40 on heat to keep said house at 55 in the winter!

My Eskimo Bae

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:16

my cat is norris: Mar 11, 2010; #onecallcat

My [27F] Girlfriend of two years won't forgive me for cheating on my exfiance [28F] and I'm [28M] at a loss.

quote:

tl;dr: I cheated on my ex fianc� four years ago. I regret it and wish I could take it back. I've worked hard to become a better person. My now girlfriend has become obsessed recently with my infidelity and is being very controlling but won't admit to it. Is this worth salvaging or do I need to just walk away?

I'm just gonna jump in.

Background: So I know this sub often quotes "Once a Cheater, Always a cheater". I agree and disagree at the same time. I cheated on my exfiance when I was 24. I had recently found out after my mother passed, that she was not actually my mother, but my grandmother. My junkie sister who OD'ed when I was fifteen was actually my bio mom. My fianc� at the time (Alma) told me that I needed to get over it because there was nothing I could do. She stopped wanting to talk to me even if it was about her day and I felt emasculated constantly. She refused to have sex for months at a time and I withdrew. We both stopped trying but neither of us were ready to let go as we were high school sweethearts and were afraid of being without each other. Long story short, I had a one night stand. In the moment it felt nice that someone was interested in my day, in me, and found me sexually attractive and then it felt like someone dropped a boulder on me. I told Alma immediately the day after and we split up. I am by no means proud of myself for cheating. I felt sick to my stomach looking at myself and took a year to reevaluate my life. I moved apartments, hit the gym, ate better, tried buddhism, and now I feel better. Alma and I even got together after the year to talk things out. She apologized for pulling away and I apologized for cheating,we forgive each other. We'll never be great friends again, but I feel better knowing that we won't cringe when we see the other person.

I met my now girlfriend (Sasha) at a mutual friend's party. I got her number and we really hit it off. When we broached the conversation about past relationships, I told her what happened between me and Alma. I told her that if she had any questions or if this made her feel uncomfortable then to let me know. She seemed fairly understanding, though she had never cheated or been cheated on, and we continued to have a wonderful relationship. We moved in together in November.

Now-ish

About the end of February she started to become increasingly curious about the cheating. She asked me if the one night stand and I ever talked after, if she knew I had a fianc�, if Alma wanted to try and work things out, if I ever tried to get with other women in relationships etc. I answered her honestly to all and let her know that if she's concerned that I'm going to cheat again I'll keep my electronics and such open to her.

Things seemed to be alright, for a bit, until I noticed that Sasha was compulsively going through my electronics. She didn't ask me any more questions regarding my infidelity but just became very jealous and controlling. For example, three weeks ago I had to take my computer to the shop because it had been acting buggy. Come to find out that a key logger of some sort had been installed on my computer. I brought this up to Sasha and she asked why I took my computer in, that it worked fine for her, and that maybe it downloaded when I went onto some porn site. Another example would be Alma messaging me on Facebook last week wondering why I sent her and another girl from high school text messages. I had no idea what she was talking about and she sent me screen caps from a cellphone number that's obviously mine. The texts weren't inappropriate, but obviously out of place. They just tried to strike up a conversation but were obviously not done in my tone. Again I asked Sasha and she seemed genuinely clueless and baffled. I checked my online account and it confirmed that the messages were sent from my phone.

Yesterday Sasha and I went out to celebrate her friend Danielle's promotion. When Sasha went to the bathroom Danielle brought up cheating. She told me about this ex that cheated on her all the time and cheated in all of his relationships, "once a cheater" you know? I told her that for some people that's true, but I think once a cheater should be reflective of the relationship that someone cheated in. I always know Alma will see me as a cheater. I can't take that away, but I never want to cheat again. I never want to step into a relationship and be treated like a cheater. I explained this to Danielle without referencing my past infidelity. She laughed and told me I "diluted" myself and that Sasha better keep her eye on me. Sasha came back and I excused myself and told Sasha I felt sick and wanted to go home, she wanted to stay and said I could just uber. I ubered home and watched some netflix.

Sasha came home a little tipsy and began to slyly ask if I came home immediately, or if I detoured. I asked her why she was being so distrustful as I felt I kept communications open to her and have not given her a reason to not believe me. She went silent then excused herself to go to bed. When I joined her she was on her laptop and slammed it shut when I entered the room.

Today I'm fuming. I've done everything, I feel, I can to help alleviate any worries of cheating. I've done my best to be a better person than who I once was. I'm at a loss and don't know if this is a normal reaction when you date someone who once cheated. Is this worth salvaging with Sasha or should I just cut and run?

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:16

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I am soooo kinky, if at least 25 spiders are not riding by honkers I will be dry as qatar. This is more healthy thab people who need fewer spiders to Get Off

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:19

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Kink kind of creeps me out and I feel like giving your partner permission to abuse you is sort of horrifying and doesn't make it ok or not abusive. That said

Pick posted:

I maintain 50 Shades woman probably is a lazy stupid bitch who wants a billionaire to feed her pancakes

Don't we all, really?

We've been together 4 years and I[24F] can't find a compromise with my fiance [26M] about this upcoming wedding "production." I'm even rethinking getting married.

quote:

u/DontThinkIDo

My fiance and I may not survive our wedding! There is surely a way to compromise, but I have no idea how. I am not the type of bride who dreamed endlessly of a wedding, I am actually socially anxious and have always expected I'd never get married at all. But I love this man and until recently, he's been the epitome of a loving husband. His ideal wedding: we should get married in a little white church, have a cake and mint reception with the opening dances and then tell everyone to go home and we go to hawaii.

A few problems from my perspective; A) We aren't religious, and until now, I really didn't think my fiance even believed in God B) We don't have any ties to a church where we live C) My grandmother's church, an hour away, which we have been two on exactly two occasions, isn't good enough because it's not aesthetically pleasing "hillbilly church" D) So he tells me I have to go and find a pretty church and convince a pastor to marry two people who err on the side of not believing, and why again? Oh because I have more time than he does. E) Cake and mint reception means the 80% of our guests, the entirety of my husband's family, will not even be fed for coming to our wedding! F) We don't know how to dance, so we will have to practice or get lessons G) And my dad is disabled and walks with a cane, so I doubt fiance is going to be thrilled with me spinning on the back of a hoover round on the dance floor! and H) I get sea sick, heat sick, and don't like to swim in the ocean down the road -- why are we doing hawaii?

When we first began planning, we had saved $7,000. So our budget was small, especially for a big family. I thought we could allocate most of our funds to the reception. We'd save money having a backyard ceremony (my parents have a couple of acres that are well manicured, with big live oaks that I looooove), and some good food, no alcohol, and something fun for the reception that was personal to us... dancing is so boring to me, and we have never danced, so why do it now? We don't even really listen to music due to his hearing, we often close caption everything we watch.

We met interning at the zoo. While we were falling in love, we spent a lot of time at the elephant exhibit, which is near a gorgeous, african themed cafe. Dark wood tables, crisp white linens, and some beautiful tribal masks on one wall, the rest of it open, paned glass for some beautiful views. An event was held there once and we put greenery and tea lights on the tables and it was really nice. This place brings back a lot of fond memories of the beginning of our relationship, and we have connections here and within budget, so I suggested my plan. My husband to be hated all of it.

He said that my parents house is hideous. I pointed out that no one would probably go inside, and if so, only to the bathroom. He said backyards were for barbecues. He did not think fun and meaningful, simple, or cost effecient when I suggested the zoo. He thought childish, stupid, and tacky. First time I've ever heard him say tacky, his mother came right out of his mouth!!!

Some local gardens have topiaries, including an elephant, giraffe, and bear, which again is something that echoes how we met. I thought maybe we could do an outdoor event there, without formal attire, and maybe some oversize yard games to spend time with our guests in a beautiful setting (to make up for lack of dancing). I brought this up to him. He told me he would not allow me to make a mockery of our wedding and if I wanted to marry a child, there are countries where it's legal, and walked away. This from a man who thinks super mario is the best video game ever, and drinks capri sun in his underwear, playing until three AM!

If we have a reception he also wanted alcohol and he said that if my parents can't control themselves, they can stay home, which really hurt my feelings. It took a long time for them to get sober and they've been successful for about a year. While I know my wedding isn't for them, I think it's very disrespectful of them to treat them this way. I don't drink myself, so alcohol isn't a big deal to me. It's not a big deal to my husband either, normally, we don't have a lot of money so he doesn't "waste" it on alcohol. So why have alcohol, when we don't drink ourselves, and my parents might be uncomfortable?

I asked him if beer was normal for a cake and mint reception at a church and he said alcohol is for the reception his family would fund. Now my husband's family has offered to "take care of" the whole wedding for us. This doesn't really mean pay. It means use their connections in a town six hours away, so we will have to get married there, instead of here, where we have lived for the last three years with our friends -- other poor college students -- and my family, all of whom have much less means than his family. It will be a much bigger wedding, and we will have less say in what happens because we will be dependent on what they can put together, or want to put together, because then on top of the 150+ family members, it will also be their friends they want to impress. He also does not approve of my plans for dressing for the occasion. I don't wear dresses because I can feel very self concious and certain materials make my skin crawl. I thought I would compromise and wear a simple, but beautiful, bridesmaid style, without a train. But he says I must have a train and the dress must be white, because that's what a bride looks like. I said, "What if I burst into tears in the middle of my own wedding because I'm doing everything I hate and nobody cares, is that what a bride looks like?!" He said I need therapy because I have to pull myself together.

I am a very anxious person. My fiance's family is quite large and usually rents out an event space for everything from graduation parties to christmas, and (more typically in our younger years) he'd have to talk me down from a panic attack in the bathroom. He got pretty good about really picking which events it was worth me getting worked up over and putting his foot down, not letting his family bully us into coming even though it would be awful for me (which is what happened for the first year of our relationship almost). We started missing a lot of tailgates and things, but we made it a point to make it to bigger events like Christmas and his great grands' 70th anniversary. He was my safe place when anxiety was kicking my rear end. Happily, as I've gotten older and more accustomed to dealing with people, it hasn't been so bad and it's been about a year and a half since I've had a panic attack! But all of this is making me very nervous and my rock is not really being a rock anymore.

I get that he feels like his parents owe him. They paid for his sister's wedding last year and brother's tuition and dorm at Baylor. And not even a car for Jon. And I understand that he wants an elegant wedding and they've offered more of a chance of that than we have on our own. But I feel trapped in a production, with traditions that don't mean anything to either of us except that he wants to look good for the people who do believe in these traditions. And if we go with his parents' idea, his mother has dictated that our $7,000 be spent on bachelor/ette parties, and bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts, because 8 of his cousins, his sister, and a few young aunts want to be bridesmaids and 10 male cousins and a couple of childhood friends "have" to be groomsmen!

I am afraid that this is how my husband will negotiate things like choosing a house, or raising children. We've never shared finances or anything before, so this is our first real situation where we have to both agree. It's not like making dinner when I want pancakes and he wants fried rice and we just make/eat both. And I'm scared. And I feel like if I tell him, he will just tell me what he keeps telling me... don't be childish, Felicity.

TLDR; My fiance and I have less than 10k to pay for our own wedding. I thought we could have a pretty nice event if we did a backyard ceremony and something fun, inclusive of entertainment that isn't dancing. And feed everybody. My husband thought F the family, let's do a pretty church wedding (even though we aren't religious and don't go to church nor have ties to a church), have cake and mint reception, and go to hawaii... even though I don't like swimming in the ocean, and the sun and sea make me sick. Now his family is wanting to pay for the event, if we get married in his home town, and allow twice the people to come to the wedding. My husband even wants to choose what I wear. Because he wants his family to do something big for him, like they've done for his siblings. What do we do?

Planning a wedding is horrible even if you're both on the same page. Just elope.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:19

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

my cat is norris posted:

My [27F] Girlfriend of two years won't forgive me for cheating on my exfiance [28F] and I'm [28M] at a loss.

Wow that Alma lady sure sounds like a generous and caring soul, I think this dude should have maybe explained the context when he mentioned the cheating because it would have probably done a lot to avoid this situation.

Also i think that "Found out my mom is not my mom, 15 year old junkie sister is" is up there with all time M Night Shyamalan twists from reddit stories

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:20

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Why does everyone who claims a good sex life make sure to swear up and down they are very kinky and do lots of stuff? Your level of kink or squareness does not necessarily equate to the sex being good or bad.

My sex life, which is very active and fulfilling I'll have you know, involves making a turducken from scratch and loving it every single time I want to have an orgasm.

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:22

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# ? May 29, 2024 17:03

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Also i think that "Found out my mom is not my mom, 15 year old junkie sister is" is up there with all time M Night Shyamalan twists from reddit stories

It's a thing, teen pregnancies are "normalized" this way more often than you'd think

Happened to Eric Clapton, and he didn't go completely nuts until he turned like 70

# ? Feb 2, 2018 20:24

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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