Arivia posted:

She’s pregnant. Those seem to be pregnancy effects that run in her family from what you’ve quoted.

quote:

She makes it very clear she wants a child, to have a family, etc.

quote:

Also we’re hearing what the therapist said second hand so it might not be that blunt. Even if it is, “just do it and cope afterwards” is a pretty key anti-anxiety technique. This is the kind of stuff my therapist does with me for my own anxiety issues and so on. I get the feeling you’ve never actually done anti-anxiety therapy. This fits pretty well.

Midnight Voyager posted:

man, if that's how she copes with the thought of having to terminate a baby she wants in a situation she doesn't want, she can go for it. That's pretty harmless as far as things go. It's not like she's a Christian Scientist or something.

Also, it's clear her therapist is poo poo, because he's not dealing with any of this:



the therapist.

quote:

I AM NOT BREAKING UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND OVER THIS. I WANT TO MAKE THAT CLEAR. THANK YOU.

I've known my buddy [21/M] since I started going to university 4 years ago. My girlfriend [22/F] is my best friend of 16 years and we've been dating for two months.

She asked to borrow his laptop to do homework, when the three of us were hanging out at his home. While carrying it she slipped on a water spill, she didn't get hurt, but the laptop was damaged badly, albeit still repairable.

My friend started losing his poo poo at my girlfriend, even though she apologized and offered to pay for the cost of the repair. I pulled him aside and asked why the hell he was freaking out. He said I needed to break up with my girlfriend because of how careless she was, or else we couldn't be friends anymore. Then he went on a weird rant about how I shouldn't have started dating her in the first place because I deserve better, but I think he was projecting hard about something.

It boggles my mind that he wants me to break up with her because she accidentally damaged his laptop, over his negligence in not cleaning up the spilled water. I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend, so I assume my friendship with him is over.

The thing is, he's a member of our team [5 people including myself] for the video game [League of Legends] that we play. He's irreplaceable, there's no one that we know of who is equal in skill level to him, that also plays his role. We take the game very seriously by meeting up and practicing every weekend, going over our replays to see how we can get better, improve our communication, etc.

I don't want to play with him anymore, or have him on the team because of the way he handled everything. I'm not sure how, or if I should bring up what happened to my other teammates.

There has been a recent development in the situation and an update will come soon.

tl;dr: My girlfriend asked to borrow my friend's laptop and she slipped on a water spill while carrying it. The laptop was damaged badly but is repairable. My friend lost his poo poo at my girlfriend even though she apologized and offered to pay for the cost of the repair.

He told me I needed to break up with her because of how careless she was, but then he went on some weird rant about how she didn't deserve to date me. He's a member of our team for the video game that we play together, and he's irreplaceable. I don't want to play with him, or have him be apart of the team anymore, but I don't know how or if I should bring that up with everyone.

quote:

My buddy called me yesterday to apologize for his overreaction over what my girlfriend did. There was something he wanted to discuss in person with me so I swung by his place shortly after.

He told me what he was about to say was really embarrassing for him. My friend admitted to being in love with me for the last 3-4 months. He thought he could handle his feelings [for the sake of our team] but after I started dating my girlfriend he became extremely jealous of her, and when she accidentally damaged his laptop that was the breaking point for him.

Somehow he thought he'd make me break up with my girlfriend, giving him a chance to get with me, but of course that was never going to happen, and he didn't want to end our friendship anyways in the first place.

Afterwards he offered an apology to my girlfriend which she accepted, and told her she wouldn't have to pay for the repair cost because of his carelessness in not cleaning up the water spill that he made earlier.

He wanted to pause our friendship indefinitely because he was struggling with his sexuality/feelings for me and needed time away to figure himself out. That also meant he couldn't be on the team anymore so he quit.

I feel relieved knowing that my buddy isn't a complete rear end in a top hat. He was just dealing with a bunch of personal issues and what my girlfriend did brought him over the top, but he owned up for his actions and made things right. Although, it sucks that we lost our best player, but like a lot of people said, he’s not irreplaceable and eventually we’ll find someone to replace him.

tl;dr: My friend apologized to my girlfriend and I on how he handled the situation. He admitted to being in love with me, said he was struggling with his sexuality, and needed time away from our friendship to figure himself out. He also told my girlfriend she wouldn't have to pay for his laptop, because of his carelessness in not cleaning up the water spill that he made.

Also, he quit the team which means we lost our best player, and we couldn't practice last weekend.

loquacius posted:

Are you seriously saying that the biological imperative to reproduce is a dumb and arbitrary thing for people to be influenced by

because this is living-organism 101 stuff

Danaru posted:

My [22/M] girlfriend [22/F] accidentally damaged my friend's [21/M] laptop, and he wants me to break up with her because of it, or else he's ending our friendship.


[Update] My [22/M] girlfriend [22/F] accidentally damaged my friend's [21/M] laptop, and he wants me to break up with her because of it, or else he's ending our friendship.

quote:

My uncle was really drunk at a party the other night, and a family friend brought their daughter who’s maybe 10. He gave her a hundred dollar bill and kept asking her to kiss him. I told the friends, and they got her and left.

I’m really sick over this. I honestly haven’t ever seen him do this kind of thing. Is it a warning sign? I think it’s vile, and am considering cutting him out. But, is this behavior normal?! I just am so upset and need advice.

Tl;dr drunk uncle was asking kid to kiss him. Need advice about behavior

Danaru posted:

My [22/M] girlfriend [22/F] accidentally damaged my friend's [21/M] laptop, and he wants me to break up with her because of it, or else he's ending our friendship.


[Update] My [22/M] girlfriend [22/F] accidentally damaged my friend's [21/M] laptop, and he wants me to break up with her because of it, or else he's ending our friendship.

Danaru posted:

Drunk uncle [40’s m] kept asking young girl to kiss him on the lips

Danaru posted:

Drunk uncle [40’s m] kept asking young girl to kiss him on the lips

Beachcomber posted:

I wish adoption didn't cost so much.


At this point I'm hoping a baby rocket crashes into our driveway.

Beachcomber posted:

At this point I'm hoping a baby rocket crashes into our driveway.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Exposure therapy is the only real cure for phobias.

Anne Whateley posted:

That's a good technique for when you have to, like, ask a stranger the time or knock over a display in a grocery store. "Suck it up and power through" is not a good technique when you're in tremendous distress and trying to decide whether to have an abortion or kill yourself. In any case, it isn't encouragement and in this case it isn't remotely helpful.

Pick posted:

awww are you going to raise it to be a big rocket someday

loquacius posted:

Are you seriously saying that the biological imperative to reproduce is a dumb and arbitrary thing for people to be influenced by

because this is living-organism 101 stuff

Beachcomber posted:

We aren't having a lot of luck using traditional methods.

PetraCore posted:

The biological imperative to reproduce is definitely a factor but the health of your partner takes priority with most people. And humans are pretty good at translating 'desire for a legacy' into things other than having biological children.

It's really moot anyway because they apparently have the resources to do things via a surrogate and the husband vetoed that, so it's not even just he wants biological kids, it's he wants HER to be pregnant when that makes her suicidal.

Dienes posted:

This is true, but exposure therapy is done in planned titrations in a controlled environment. This isn't that.


This is accurate. You don't use exposure therapy techniques for dealing with a problem of this magnitude. It'd be like stabbing someone in the chest as exposure therapy for a phobia of needles.

For her own sake I hope she has a miscarriage.

Gorefluff posted:

lol! I watched this the other night. One of my wife’s boyfriend’s favourite movies and pretty much the only thing we bond over is quoting that masterpiece.

ArbitraryC posted:

He's totally within in his right to want kids the way he wants kids, and she was totally within her right to say she couldn't do that. He didn't force her down this path, she tried because she wanted it more than she wanted a divorce. Neither of them are bad people for pursuing what they wanted, it's just unfortunate that it's mutually exclusive.

As far as what she should do now I have no idea, if she really is in a spot where she's thinking of killing herself she probably has to just end the pregnancy and her marriage.

Trauma Dog 3000 posted:

so are we all going to ignore this or

Pick posted:

oh my god don't give poly people a reason to talk about themselves!! thats even worse than me talking!!!

PetraCore posted:

No, he's not. It's fair for him to want biological kids, but he does not get to nix a surrogate using his wife's egg and his sperm when his wife has a phobia of being pregnant because it just doesn't feel authentic to him that way. He's not the one who gets to feel someone else literally growing inside his body. If the problem with a surrogate isn't a financial problem, then he IS in the wrong.

PetraCore posted:

EDIT: Like yeah if she gets an abortion which is the healthiest option for her at this point it's absolutely going to tank the marriage. I don't think that makes him a villain. But while he didn't force her into a pregnancy, there's some kind of sketchy things going on that are probably more societal issues than him being a Bad Person but it's still poo poo.

Barudak posted:

If I had to guess the issue appears to be you're trying to put a man in the moon

ArbitraryC posted:

And she always had the option to say no and have that be that. His pressuring was him expressing what he wanted out of their relationship and her deciding that it was worth trying because she wanted to keep that relationship. I guess if you wanna bust out the ideal world scenario then yeah he would have accepted she was only agreeing because she was desperate to stay involved with him and he should have ended things proactively, but dude's a human who loves her too and was naively clinging to the hope things would work out when they tried.

He didn't proactively end things for the same reason she tried to go through with the pregnancy, they both wanted things to work out despite the clear writing on the wall. It's just a sad story.

quote:

My husband and I are a very good in a great relationships (of course we have our ups and downs) - life is pretty normal for us tbh - we have a nice home and a couple of cute kids and leftover money each month and some savings and cars etc

Growing up his family were very middle class - his parents own a couple of homes and he has never had to worry about money - college was paid for - he worked part time until his mid 20s.

Growing up for me was very different - My mom was a single parent from when I was 3 and I was homeless from 15 - 19. I managed to turn my life around and get back on my feet before i met him.

He refuses to acknowledge my past or talk about it or listen when I try to tell him about it.

We often discuss current events / the news and recently there was a story about a man who had died living on the streets due to people throwing away his sleeping bag. He started going on about how the man should have accepted help and gone to the shelter like he was offered. I tried to share an experience of when I spent some nights in a shelter and how horrendous it was and how i chose to sleep on the streets instead of returning there.

He then said that he was sorry what had happened to me but that wasnt relevant and people like that wont change unless everything is laid out for them but I am different because I didnt need help (i did need and receive a hell of a lot of help). He doesnt know how i turned things around because he has never asked or listened.

We have quite high homelessness in our city and he often makes comments when we see someone on the street that they should just get a job or there is so much help out there that there is no reason for them to be on the streets and they just dont want to sort themselves out.

How can I educate him and open him up to see that it isnt just that easy and get him to listen about my experiences from the darker times in my life?

tl;dr: Husband is from a traditional Middle Class background whereas I had a much rougher time - his comments about homeless people are concerning as I used to be homeless

Midnight Voyager posted:

Wait.

Me [32F] with my husband [31 M] of 4 years have very different backgrounds and little comments are concerning me


Holy gently caress, define middle class

Beachcomber posted:

I wish adoption didn't cost so much.


At this point I'm hoping a baby rocket crashes into our driveway.

ArbitraryC posted:

Danaru posted:

Drunk uncle [40’s m] kept asking young girl to kiss him on the lips

Midnight Voyager posted:

oh my god, I wanted to give ArbitraryC the benefit of the doubt and not just accept what whoever said, that he always had the worst opinions, but I give up, I regret my optimism

Midnight Voyager posted:

Pressuring is always okay as long as the other person doesn't have a gun to their head! I mean, not saying no is the same thing as consent, right? In an ideal world, nobody would pressure anybody into things they didn't want, but here we are, so pressure all you like and it's fine.

Let me put it this way. Dude pressures a girlfriend for sex. He naively thinks that he is supposed to do this, this is how relationships are supposed to work. She eventually caves, even though she always had the option to say no. He wouldn't have hurt her if she said no. Yes, the dude was naive and stupid, but it was a lovely thing to do. It is not less lovely just because the girl caved. It's not even less lovely if the girl isn't super traumatized by it and they go on to have a happy relationship. It is still a lovely thing on its own. Shittiness does not require malice.

I'm not saying put a bullet in his drat head. He should be informed that this was a lovely thing to do going forward.