Post the very best in obsolete and failed technology

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Post the very best in obsolete and failed technology

«‹›915 »

Krispy Wafer: Jul 26, 2002; I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat; Grimey Drawer

shovelbum posted:

Ok Google, call Mom

Kill the witch!

# ? Feb 11, 2018 17:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 16, 2024 04:08

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Vic got me, it's masterful.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO has a new favorite as of 17:48 on Feb 11, 2018

# ? Feb 11, 2018 17:39

mystes: May 31, 2006

Vic posted:

My mother can't make a call without glasses and you're strawmannig the poo poo out of this.

Imagine a crisis situation where you need to dial a number:
1) Press to turn on the screen
2) Swipe
3) Enter device lock code (optional)
4) Forums with this thread full of bad opinions is open, so I hit the home button
5) Press the phone key
6) Swipe left to get the keypad tab
7) Enter "mom" you want to call via tiny on screen text keyboard
8) Call

On an button phone

1) button unlock
2) device lock code
3) press 6 three times (spells mom)
4) call

Or you can have a shortcut which cuts the smartphone to 5 steps and the old phone to 3. Extra steps aside you need to look at your smartphone while I can do those 3 steps in my pocket in a few seconds. With my last button phone it was actually a matter of holding down a programmed number key and confirm with a call button.

And since I'm using a smartphone since they are available, it's not a situation of me not being used to touchscreens. Touchscreens are good for browsing the internet and all that poo poo, but it's actually worse when you want to use your phone as a phone. gently caress the blind I guess but this poo poo for brains crusade against having dedicated function on a dedicated device is mind boggling.

I guess you can still buy a lovely rear end old phone that'll last charged for weeks when I actually need a phone but I thought for $1k smartphone you'd get that in the package.

Fuckers you look at that and go "this literally doesn't need improvement"

I absolutely hate trying to use my phone as a phone, but I'm hoping the situation will be improved by me never having to make phone calls in the future.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 17:50

Vic: Nov 26, 2009; malae fidei cum XI_XXVI_MMIX

carry on then posted:

Buy the loving blackberry and stop trying to mandate that everyone must use a phone designed to your personal specifications you dense motherfucker

https://www.blackberrymobile.com

I think I found a windows 8 incarnate.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 18:26

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

shovelbum posted:

Ok Google, call Mom

'OK, Calling Morn...'

Call MOM

'OK, here are the results for Calm On'

# ? Feb 11, 2018 19:32

Exit Strategy: Dec 10, 2010; by sebmojo

Vic posted:

My mother can't make a call without glasses and you're strawmannig the poo poo out of this.

Imagine a crisis situation where you need to dial a number:
1) Press to turn on the screen
2) Swipe
3) Enter device lock code (optional)
4) Forums with this thread full of bad opinions is open, so I hit the home button
5) Press the phone key
6) Swipe left to get the keypad tab
7) Enter "mom" you want to call via tiny on screen text keyboard
8) Call

On an button phone

1) button unlock
2) device lock code
3) press 6 three times (spells mom)
4) call

Or you can have a shortcut which cuts the smartphone to 5 steps and the old phone to 3. Extra steps aside you need to look at your smartphone while I can do those 3 steps in my pocket in a few seconds. With my last button phone it was actually a matter of holding down a programmed number key and confirm with a call button.

And since I'm using a smartphone since they are available, it's not a situation of me not being used to touchscreens. Touchscreens are good for browsing the internet and all that poo poo, but it's actually worse when you want to use your phone as a phone. gently caress the blind I guess but this poo poo for brains crusade against having dedicated function on a dedicated device is mind boggling.

I guess you can still buy a lovely rear end old phone that'll last charged for weeks when I actually need a phone but I thought for $1k smartphone you'd get that in the package.

Fuckers you look at that and go "this literally doesn't need improvement"

1) Squeeze phone gently.
2) Say, "Call mom."
3) Listen as my house phone rings, because my mother's in convenient powder form on the mantelpiece in the cat-shaped urn.

OR

1) Raise watch to face.
2) Say, "Call mom."
3) As above.

OR

1) Say, in any room of the house, "Hey, Google, call mom."
2) As 3, above.

OR

1) Touch biometric unlock sensor.
2) Tap 'home' button.
3) Tap 'phone' icon.
4) Tap big 'House' box that calls the home phone.
5) As 3, in the first example.

You're making a huge deal out of something that isn't, purely because large corporations want to sell things to people that aren't you. You'd like a device that resembles most closely one of the old Professional Walkman designs, carrying a huge battery and with buttons and switches all over it to replicate in hardware functionality that is so trivial to access that literal children don't need training on its use.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 19:44

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Vic posted:

I think I found a windows 8 incarnate.

See, you're not satisfied that an alternative exists. You need everyone to want what you want, to validate your preferences as the only logical ones.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 19:46

Farmdizzle: May 26, 2009; Hagel satan; Grimey Drawer

Jesus Christ just get your Mom and yourself a loving Jitterbug and shut the gently caress up.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 20:06

TotalLossBrain: Oct 20, 2010; Hier graben!

# ? Feb 11, 2018 20:10

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

TotalLossBrain posted:

that zero tho

# ? Feb 11, 2018 20:18

mystes: May 31, 2006

*Hits 0* HELP!

# ? Feb 11, 2018 20:41

Pilsner: Nov 23, 2002

Vic posted:

My mother can't make a call without glasses and you're strawmannig the poo poo out of this.

Imagine a crisis situation where you need to dial a number:
1) Press to turn on the screen
2) Swipe
3) Enter device lock code (optional)
4) Forums with this thread full of bad opinions is open, so I hit the home button
5) Press the phone key
6) Swipe left to get the keypad tab
7) Enter "mom" you want to call via tiny on screen text keyboard
8) Call

On an button phone

1) button unlock
2) device lock code
3) press 6 three times (spells mom)
4) call

You're right that pre-smartphone phones were easier to use as a phone (dialing), but smartphones do pretty much everything else better. How many percent of the time you use your phone is spent actually dialing? I bet not much. For me, it's 1%, vs. 99% other stuff. So, it's okay.

TotalLossBrain posted:

I'm the token black guy on the 0 button.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 21:56

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Haptic feedback is cool and good

# ? Feb 11, 2018 22:06

Arivia: Mar 17, 2011

I can�t believe I�m engaging with this but there�s actual emergency call functionality on iPhones just for this kind of situation. Unlock phone, press home button to bring up PIN screen, hit Emergency, enter number, press call button. Done.

# ? Feb 11, 2018 22:17

Trabant: Nov 26, 2011; All systems nominal.

shovelbum posted:

Ok Google, call Mom

# ? Feb 11, 2018 22:26

Vic: Nov 26, 2009; malae fidei cum XI_XXVI_MMIX

I guess I need to say it, most of the world doesn't speak english and voice recognition isn't great even if you do. I'll need to repeat myself in that i want a smartphone with one or two extra buttons.

My mom isn't retarded she just doesn't speak english so insisting you can overcome cumbersome UI via voice is dumb on two levels, the first of which is it's easier to use voice recognition to replace hardware shortcuts.

That's not an alternative for many reasons and I'm pretty sure you can understand why, but chose to be incredulous about the whole concept of button.

Let us contemplate while people around the globe fight with poo poo UI screaming OK GOOGLE in bad accent into their phones trying to call their loved ones.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 00:47

Queen_Combat: Jan 15, 2011

Ya just can't, like, drop anything, can you.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 00:55

ladron: Sep 15, 2007; eso es lo que es

Vic posted:

more button propaganda

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkZDMepVwGg

# ? Feb 12, 2018 00:58

Vic: Nov 26, 2009; malae fidei cum XI_XXVI_MMIX

ladron posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkZDMepVwGg

Now imagine the box was a touchscreen

# ? Feb 12, 2018 01:07

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Metal Geir Skogul posted:

Ya just can't, like, drop anything, can you.

Just turn around and walk away. If you pay attention to it, it will notice and attack again.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 01:56

LITERALLY A BIRD: Sep 27, 2008; I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Enough please.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 02:50

TotalLossBrain: Oct 20, 2010; Hier graben!

Vic posted:

Now imagine the box was a touchscreen

Screen overlay detected. Would you like to open App Settings?

Ooops, sorry.
Have some obsolete tech, the video floppy disk.

I came across it randomly and had never seen it before. A whole 25 frames can be stored.

TotalLossBrain has a new favorite as of 02:55 on Feb 12, 2018

# ? Feb 12, 2018 02:52

Vic: Nov 26, 2009; malae fidei cum XI_XXVI_MMIX

Zippers on jeans are obsolete and failed. Those fuckers loved to break and having what is essentially a meat mincer near your junk is just a bad idea overall. I love what we have now.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 03:45

Vavrek: Mar 2, 2013; I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

Wait, what do we have now? All my pants have zippers and buttons are an older technology. What strange 21st century fasteners do your jeans have?

# ? Feb 12, 2018 03:59

mystes: May 31, 2006

I think we've already established that Vic likes buttons.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:02

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

you know what would solve this problem pretty much entirely?

phone cases with little slide-out keyboards that connect through either bluetooth or a microUSB passthrough

then you can have your nice fancy phone with all the relevant features, and also be able to type like a human being

e: I really don't care about all the other stuff from button/keyboard phones, I just loving hate touchscreen keyboards with the fury of ten billion suns

WeedlordGoku69 has a new favorite as of 04:05 on Feb 12, 2018

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:03

Don Gato: Apr 28, 2013; Actually a bipedal cat.; Grimey Drawer

Vavrek posted:

Wait, what do we have now? All my pants have zippers and buttons are an older technology. What strange 21st century fasteners do your jeans have?

The only pants I've seen with buttons instead of zippers are military uniforms, and even then the Army uses zippers now

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:12

Vic: Nov 26, 2009; malae fidei cum XI_XXVI_MMIX

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

you know what would solve this problem pretty much entirely?

phone cases with little slide-out keyboards that connect through either bluetooth or a microUSB passthrough

then you can have your nice fancy phone with all the relevant features, and also be able to type like a human being

Yup that's a really good idea. Pretty much the optimal solution to what I was talking about. Like if the OS would recognize the slide out as an unlock, shortcuts and all that good stuff, that would be heaven.

For content remember CD video? I never heard of it until techmoan made a video on it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u2j1Q8uCgQ

It's basically a cd with an audio track and an analogue video track. Highlights include a guy talking about the advantages of CD video, recorded on CD video and you can barely make out what he's saying.

Vic has a new favorite as of 04:17 on Feb 12, 2018

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:14

Volcott: Mar 30, 2010; People paying American dollars to let other people know they didn't agree with someone's position on something is the lifeblood of these forums.

RIP last CFL bulb that was still fighting the good fight in an out of the way corner of my house.

You were fine.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:20

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

My favorite little bit of corner of the room tech that impressed me: CD+G.

Do you like music with badly dithered 'graphics' that would make a Master System palette look divine? Then we have something for you, weird Karaoke guy.

I recall it really was supposed to be some kind of Karaoke compatible format, but at the time I think that was one of the few applications Laserdisc could handle well.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:46

SCheeseman: Apr 23, 2003

It's still around and being used, I have karaoke songs in CD+G format from just a few years ago (around when I stopped collecting karaoke songs).

# ? Feb 12, 2018 04:50

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Vic posted:

Yup that's a really good idea. Pretty much the optimal solution to what I was talking about. Like if the OS would recognize the slide out as an unlock, shortcuts and all that good stuff, that would be heaven.

For content remember CD video? I never heard of it until techmoan made a video on it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u2j1Q8uCgQ

It's basically a cd with an audio track and an analogue video track. Highlights include a guy talking about the advantages of CD video, recorded on CD video and you can barely make out what he's saying.

The disc was also suffering a serious case of disc rot, which was loving up the audio track.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 05:03

Doctor Bishop: Oct 22, 2013; To understand what happened at the diner, we use Mr. Papaya. This is upsetting because he is the friendliest of fruits.

Vic posted:

For content remember CD video? I never heard of it until techmoan made a video on it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u2j1Q8uCgQ

It's basically a cd with an audio track and an analogue video track. Highlights include a guy talking about the advantages of CD video, recorded on CD video and you can barely make out what he's saying.

I'll just quote what I said a few pages ago about this same video, since I still find it funny.

Doctor Bishop posted:

Besides what good ol' Techmoan has to say on the subject, I think there's a funny comparison to be made here between CD Video and 7-Up Gold (which came out around the same time, in 1988), in that they were both presented as follow-ups to popular products, but were really rebranded updates to other products, and as a result, fundamentally deviated from the essential qualities of their namesakes. I.e., CD-V was a rebranded upgrade of Laserdisc that (partially) did away with the compact size of Compact Disc, and 7-Up Gold was a rebranded reformulation of Dr. Pepper that did away with the "crisp, clean, with no caffeine" image of 7-Up.

Oh ya, and lest we forget, they both had an affinity for GOOOOOOOLD.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 05:53

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Arivia posted:

I can�t believe I�m engaging with this but there�s actual emergency call functionality on iPhones just for this kind of situation. Unlock phone, press home button to bring up PIN screen, hit Emergency, enter number, press call button. Done.

An emergency call function that you can only do with use of both your hands (unless you have really long fingers) and full sight is completely useless in a large enough number of real-life scenarios to be unacceptable.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 07:20

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

I'm not sure how you hold your phone, but personally I use my thumb when I want to do something one-handed.

Also, I'm not sure how having physical buttons in exactly the same place instead of a touch screen makes it easier to reach that far. Maybe you're actually just asking for a smaller phone?

# ? Feb 12, 2018 08:34

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

ladron posted:

what if they make some proprietary charging pad?

I was honestly surprised they went with the QI standard rather than something proprietary.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 12:59

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

FilthyImp posted:

My favorite little bit of corner of the room tech that impressed me: CD+G.

Do you like music with badly dithered 'graphics' that would make a Master System palette look divine? Then we have something for you, weird Karaoke guy.

I recall it really was supposed to be some kind of Karaoke compatible format, but at the time I think that was one of the few applications Laserdisc could handle well.

I went to a place for karaoke about 5 years ago now and the guy was still using those. Literally he brought probably 50 binders full of the discs. It just amazed me since every karaoke setup I've seen for a good 10+ years was a laptop.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 15:28

Snow Cone Capone: Jul 31, 2003

When I still worked at Radio Shack like 4 years ago, we still sold CDG karaoke machines and discs. They didn't sell often, but they did sell.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 16:04

F4rt5: May 20, 2006

Aren't even laptop karaoke setups using CD+G? Or rather MP3+G since I haven't seen one karaoke host with non-warezed files or discs.

CD+G is kinda cool actually, tech-wise.

# ? Feb 12, 2018 16:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 16, 2024 04:08

Fo3: Feb 14, 2004; RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I'm a Nokia 8210

Dumb and old, as classy as the late 90s ever got, and loved by drug dealers.

I had a 8250, the even classier blue lit edition. :rip:

# ? Feb 12, 2018 16:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Post the very best in obsolete and failed technology

«‹›915 »