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Avenging_Mikon posted:You ever have a day where you just really need some external validation, but then get all squirrely because you can't ask for it, because then it doesn't count and so you just sort of exist and hope someone just randomly says "hey, you're a good person, and do good things"? Nope. 
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Feb 13, 2018 21:08
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see my boss seems to think i'm one of those people and makes a note of telling me what a good boy i am all the time and it just makes me uncomfortable because i sure as hell don't think the load of garbage i do that i somehow get paid for is worth praise 
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Feb 13, 2018 21:10
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Avenging_Mikon posted:No How about visiting a park that has ducks, or maybe just feed some birds? I find hanging out with animals to be really calming and rewarding. They don't care about all our weird crap, but they readily indicate by their behaviour if we're treating them well or poorly.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:14
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Avenging_Mikon posted:No comfortable sharing why you don't think it would be good for the cat? if you are you cool with dogs a lot of shelters and rescues are always looking for people willing to come by and take the dogs for a walk.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:22
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cat cafes need to be more of a thing in the states
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Feb 13, 2018 21:22
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ultravoices posted:Hi there! Welcome to the bear community, where body hair is valorized. I don't have hardly any myself, just because I'm made that way, but I sure like it on other guys. oh yeah! how could i forget about da bears?
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Feb 13, 2018 21:44
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ynohtna posted:How about visiting a park that has ducks, or maybe just feed some birds? Not a lot of birds around in winter in my area. Most of them migrate or hibernate. But I should swing by the tropical section of the local conservatory. It's hella relaxing. Thanks for the idea. Shifty Pony posted:comfortable sharing why you don't think it would be good for the cat? A few reasons. There's a 1 cat limit, and I live alone so it would be by itself for 9 hours a day minimum, and then when I'm sleeping. I live in a one bedroom apartment that's already pretty crowded with two large, filled book cases, a computer desk, couch, coffee table, and entertainment centre, so putting any cat tree or play places for it would be quite size-limited. The last reason is surmountable but I'm disorganized as hell, and live out of my laundry basket and drying rack so stuff is just laying all over and it takes me a week longer than it should to take out the recycling.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:58
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Avenging_Mikon posted:Not a lot of birds around in winter in my area. Most of them migrate or hibernate. But I should swing by the tropical section of the local conservatory. It's hella relaxing. Thanks for the idea. cats sleep like 20 goddamn hours a day, the cat would just sleep all day when you're at work. i know mine sure does 
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Feb 13, 2018 22:03
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1) make friends with someone who owns a cat 2) give kitty lovies  3) friend has to scoop litter box
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Feb 13, 2018 22:12
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ate all the Oreos posted:see my boss seems to think i'm one of those people and makes a note of telling me what a good boy i am all the time and it just makes me uncomfortable because i sure as hell don't think the load of garbage i do that i somehow get paid for is worth praise they think you're a dog? or a mcelroy brother?
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Feb 13, 2018 22:19
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Depends entirely on the cat. One of mine does spend most of its time sleeping and will occasionally come for cuddles. The other is glued to me.
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Feb 13, 2018 22:29
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evil_bunnY posted:Old people who DGAF are the best. When my brother came out our grams was the loving sweetest about it. My mother in law passed this Friday and she was very much like this, three of her four children are queer: one gay, one lesbian, one bi and she accepted all of us without reservation. My father in law used to say "What did we do wrong to end up with three gay children?" and she would say "It's a blessing, God's just making our lives interesting." 
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Feb 13, 2018 22:50
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Glazier posted:she would say "It's a blessing, God's just making our lives interesting." Since you say she was a good lady, that statement was adorable and awesome Helianthus Annuus posted:1) make friends with someone who owns a cat I'm sorry, I'm having trouble understanding this step. I have lots of friends, but... like, how does that help? I can't pet their cat through the internet! There's some seriously pro cattes on the local humane society's site. I think after my CC debt's paid off in March, I'm getting a cat.
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Feb 13, 2018 23:52
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Avenging_Mikon posted:I'm sorry, I'm having trouble understanding this step. I have lots of friends, but... like, how does that help? I can't pet their cat through the internet! you call them up and be like "yo i'm bringing over some [drink] let me pet that cat"
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Feb 14, 2018 00:12
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Avenging_Mikon posted:A few reasons. There's a 1 cat limit, and I live alone so it would be by itself for 9 hours a day minimum, and then when I'm sleeping. I live in a one bedroom apartment that's already pretty crowded with two large, filled book cases, a computer desk, couch, coffee table, and entertainment centre, so putting any cat tree or play places for it would be quite size-limited. The last reason is surmountable but I'm disorganized as hell, and live out of my laundry basket and drying rack so stuff is just laying all over and it takes me a week longer than it should to take out the recycling. all reasonable concerns. two cats is usually ideal, you being around more is better, there is no such thing as too many cat trees, and you do need to be somewhat organized with a cat (at the very least scooping their box daily). but cats have really distinctive personalities and I absolutely guarantee you that in a cat at a nearby shelter or rescue who staff recommends be an only cat. I suggest looking at older (>4yrs old) cats because their personalities are well established, they are usually more than happy with sleeping in various locations for 20 hours a day, and they have a harder time being adopted. my cat is 9 and literally spends her day moving from sunbeam spot to sunbeam spot until my wife gets home and she can curl up in her lap. but you know yourself best and if your gut says "I'm not ready for a cat just yet" listen to it.
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Feb 14, 2018 00:36
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Avenging_Mikon posted:Since you say she was a good lady, that statement was adorable and awesome She was OG woke, she rebelled against her racist rural Georgia upbringing by going to an HCBU in the 1950s.
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Feb 14, 2018 02:21
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Shifty Pony posted:my cat is 9 and literally spends her day moving from sunbeam spot to sunbeam spot until my wife gets home and she can curl up in her lap. mine does this, lazy gently caress during the day, hyper in the evening, then he waits for us to both go to sleep and just when it's been enough time for us to barely start dozing off comes and sits next to the bed and meows as loud as he can, because he's an rear end in a top hat i swear to god he times it intentionally like that. he doesn't even want anything either, he just meows and then plops over on his side and ignores us
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Feb 14, 2018 03:05
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Screwed again. The insurance used my out of network max on the boob claim instead of in network because while my doctor was in network, the surgery center wasn't. Even though he owns the surgery center and it's literally in his office. My guess? He thought being in network covered his surgery center too and UHC didn't bother to correct him since it means they pass more cost on to the patient. Trying to figure out what my options are because generally appealing a claim only covers them misapplying benefits, not deceptive structuring of their provider contracts.
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Feb 16, 2018 02:58
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geeze, and i thought it was bad when i was geting double billed for labwork since one lab was always having to outsource one of the tests
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Feb 16, 2018 03:23
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I find it very odd that a surgeon would not know that his surgical center is out of network. on the other hand it is also odd that the insurance would give pre-approval to an out-of-network surgical center without putting up a fight. something is fucky. I assume that you spoke with the doctor's staff to confirm they are actually out of network?
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Feb 16, 2018 03:39
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Shifty Pony posted:I find it very odd that a surgeon would not know that his surgical center is out of network. doctors don't know poo poo about insurance and do everything in their power to avoid thinking about it so it's not really that surprising to me 
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Feb 16, 2018 03:59
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In other news, I came home to find some old Asian guy with a headlamp digging through my garbage. I laid on the horn, jumped out, and tore that poo poo out of his hands, and he had the nerve to point at some of it and say "that not yours". I told him if I saw him again I was calling the cops. What a day.
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Feb 16, 2018 05:06
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was there a reason why he was trash digging?
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Feb 16, 2018 06:07
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Improbable Lobster posted:was there a reason why he was trash digging? if autodrag lives in a state that pays for recycling turn in of plastic bottles that’s what he was digging for.
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Feb 16, 2018 06:13
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yeah, uh, is that not a common thing where you are? round here we have like three or four different old asian people (men and women, but always chinese folks for some reason) who come around on trash day and dig out all the returnable bottles. it weirded me out a lot at first but it's not like i'm gonna call the cops on them or something so now i just put all the things with deposits in a separate bag beside the recycling bin.
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Feb 16, 2018 06:35
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but what if they're the person that supposedly digs through your garbage to steal your un-shredded junk mail so they can steal your identity that's totally how identity theft worked 20 years ago
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Feb 16, 2018 06:37
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Sagebrush posted:yeah, uh, is that not a common thing where you are? only alcohol gets a deposit in ontario
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Feb 16, 2018 06:38
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Sagebrush posted:yeah, uh, is that not a common thing where you are? there were old asian people turf wars over that poo poo out in hawaii
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Feb 16, 2018 06:39
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Sagebrush posted:yeah, uh, is that not a common thing where you are? I've literally never seen someone go into my trash bin before. poo poo you put on the curb for people to take, sure. Digging through my trash that has discarded bills, insurance letters, and so on? Stay the gently caress out.
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Feb 16, 2018 07:09
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That stuff I throw into a cheap shredder.
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Feb 16, 2018 07:15
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Synthbuttrange posted:That stuff I throw into a cheap shredder. i need to buy a new one because my old one broke, but my primary concern is that i'm a queer in an unfamiliar place and currently alone because my wife had to take a trip, and who knows why he was digging and what he could learn about me from my trash. it made me feel unsafe and i reacted 100% on instinct. when i got into the house i could feel the adrenaline dump hitting me hard because i'd flipped into pure survival mode. if i was still a guy pulling huge weights and training mma constantly i might not have given it a second thought, but my recent experiences have me looking over my shoulder a lot. i don't even answer the door without making sure my pit bull is out of his crate.
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Feb 16, 2018 07:36
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It really sucks having to live in fear like that, hope it gets better 
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Feb 16, 2018 08:36
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ate all the Oreos posted:doctors don't know poo poo about insurance and do everything in their power to avoid thinking about it so it's not really that surprising to me I guess you are right. I was basing that statement on my wife knowing exactly which insurances she is in network on but she isn't an almighty surgeon (who often feel like they are above such petty details). someone in the office should have known and warned her though. that really sucks cis. I had a dentist who intentionally left my insurance network but didn't tell me until I called up and asked why the crown I thought was going to be a 35% of plan allowance copay was instead 75% plus deductible plus difference between allowance and billed amount . I was absolutely livid about it. cis autodrag posted:I've literally never seen someone go into my trash bin before. poo poo you put on the curb for people to take, sure. Digging through my trash that has discarded bills, insurance letters, and so on? Stay the gently caress out. yeah I agree I'd be sketched out about it. is your trash bin at the curb or like in your yard and then you carry it out? I believe legally it makes a major difference- things (including trash in bins) left at the curb are considered "intentionally abandoned" and is free for anyone to take but you can't go diving in a bin on private property because that is trespassing.
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Feb 16, 2018 12:35
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I know that this is most likely not the case but I keep getting paranoid that I'm being passed up for jobs and job offers specifically because I am a woman and/or trans. Especially given my experience with my first manager... I know I have no proof of it and likely never will but I can't discount it. Paranoia and worrying won't help though
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Feb 16, 2018 15:37
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lesbian computer toucher here. when I was closeted and trying my best at presenting femme, I still got interviews, but they'd lowball me on salary really hard. one guy actually laughed at me when i tried to negotiate. so yeah, this bullshit is real, but agreed that paranoia doesn't help. anecdotally, going turbo mega butch seems to have made interviewers much less uncomfortable talking to a woman.
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Feb 16, 2018 19:31
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Pollyanna posted:I know that this is most likely not the case but I keep getting paranoid that I'm being passed up for jobs and job offers specifically because I am a woman and/or trans. Especially given my experience with my first manager... I know I have no proof of it and likely never will but I can't discount it. Paranoia and worrying won't help though I don't think you're paranoid. I definitely felt like that during my job hunt and I didn't feel like i made progress until someone I knew on the inside of an org was pushing for me.
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Feb 16, 2018 20:04
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ElHuevoGrande posted:lesbian computer toucher here. when I was closeted and trying my best at presenting femme, I still got interviews, but they'd lowball me on salary really hard. one guy actually laughed at me when i tried to negotiate. so yeah, this bullshit is real, but agreed that paranoia doesn't help. anecdotally, going turbo mega butch seems to have made interviewers much less uncomfortable talking to a woman. it's a real thing and it sucks and luckily i'm kinda futch/horrible-mess so it's not ungodly awful for me, but still a recruiter recently got incredibly lovely at me when i said that i didn't want to talk about compensation until later in the process, which i mentioned here poo poo she said: quote:- "I don't want you to oversell yourself" so bullshit continues to happen
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Feb 16, 2018 20:38
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Pollyanna posted:it's a real thing and it sucks and luckily i'm kinda futch/horrible-mess so it's not ungodly awful for me, but still Jesus, that guy sounds like he's trying to use PUA as a recruitment strategy. You don't want to work there anyway.
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Feb 16, 2018 22:34
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cis autodrag posted:Jesus, that guy sounds like he's trying to use PUA as a recruitment strategy. You don't want to work there anyway. it's a lady but still gently caress that lady
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Feb 16, 2018 23:55
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Pollyanna posted:poo poo she said: for those unaware, compensation should always, always be negotiated after you’ve been offered a position, and never, ever tell anyone what you made at the previous place.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:24
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