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My favorite "Here's your goddamn origin, now let's get moving" is the very first page of All-Star Superman
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Feb 16, 2018 23:24
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Please do not ever mention Grant Morrison's All-Star Superman in this, the thread about terrible books. It is too good to be tainted with this filth, even by association, even if Frank Quitely's art is frankly quite mediocre.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:42
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Samuringa posted:My favorite "Here's your goddamn origin, now let's get moving" is the very first page of All-Star Superman martha's face is all hosed up huh
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Feb 16, 2018 23:51
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food court bailiff posted:Please do not ever mention Grant Morrison's All-Star Superman in this, the thread about terrible books. It is too good to be tainted with this filth, even by association, even if Frank Quitely's art is frankly quite mediocre. comics are terrible books
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Feb 17, 2018 02:19
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Trauma Dog 3000 posted:martha's face is all hosed up huh Everyone's faces is hosed up courtesy of Frank Quietly, and yet its the best Superman story ever.
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Feb 17, 2018 02:33
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Exerpts from a recent star wars novelization https://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Resistance-Escape-Vodran/dp/1484704983 
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Feb 17, 2018 03:55
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Exerpts from a recent star wars novelization Someone was jacking off while writing this.
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Feb 17, 2018 04:10
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Exerpts from a recent star wars novelization I'm picturing the Secretary of Defense farting at a Star Wars character.
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Feb 17, 2018 04:45
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a guess: A: amazon users are able to upload images of the insides of books if theyve bought them and there's not yet a "look inside" B: someone bought a cheap test pressing of a weird fart-fetish fanfic C: B->A hosed up if true, though
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Feb 17, 2018 04:50
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wait that looked like regular star wars to me heyooooo 
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Feb 17, 2018 05:05
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Exerpts from a recent star wars novelization This should have been in the movie instead of the entire casino subplot.
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Feb 17, 2018 05:32
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Krankenstyle posted:a guess: Star Wars novels have a... reputation. Didn’t Han Solo have sex with a giant hamster at some point?
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Feb 17, 2018 05:32
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FrozenVent posted:Star Wars novels have a... reputation. Space otter. Trap sprung.
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Feb 17, 2018 05:43
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Don't he and Leia have mind-meld sex with a colony of space bugs, too?
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Feb 17, 2018 05:53
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Yeah, they'd totally be swingers.
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Feb 17, 2018 06:28
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I would have figured Disney would put a tighter lid on them than Lucas did but welp.
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Feb 17, 2018 07:27
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and then let out a deep, meteoric toot herself.
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Feb 17, 2018 08:58
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SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:Or directors. And other than Del Toro? That list is all white.
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Feb 17, 2018 09:19
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You would have to ask Del Toro himself on how he identifies but yes, his European descent is visible. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexicans_of_European_descent
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Feb 17, 2018 09:35
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:Exerpts from a recent star wars novelization Star Farts
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Feb 17, 2018 10:45
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font color sea posted:Star Farts Don't forget the Animal House parody/palindrome Star Frats
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Feb 17, 2018 10:52
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Fart Wars imo
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Feb 17, 2018 11:58
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Krankenstyle posted:Fart Wars imo I believe that one's called Ultimate Muscle
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Feb 17, 2018 12:05
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The Bee posted:Don't he and Leia have mind-meld sex with a colony of space bugs, too? I think it was one of their kids. (Trap sprung) That plot thread is the reason why our Star Wars thread over in TBB is subtitled "Attack of the bugnest orgies." There have been some terrible books over the years; not surprised that the grand tradition of terribleness continues.
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Feb 17, 2018 14:14
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Why does he randomly mention Midnight Oil in there aside from 'Beds are Burning' being a song from the 80s? It has literally no ties to the themes or ideas of everything else listed, but I guess that's ReadyPlayerOne.txt. If it was done as a self aware thing I get it, but there's no reason for why people connect to these pop culture elements. It's just mindless consuming, rather than digesting. Why do people like Star Wars? Because of the characters, because of the imagination in it, because the story telling themes appeal to them, because the films remind them of their youth etc. There's reason WHY. Cline instead boils it down to the equivalant of a t-shirt or a funko pop. It's not sharing the love of something, but bragging about having consumed something.
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Feb 17, 2018 16:49
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In a way that's exactly what the message of RPO is: You should be obsessed with the awareness that certain things exist because a person older than you decided they were the most important things in the world. The main character doesn't come to his nostalgia for a time he wasn't even alive because he already liked 80s poo poo and that turned out to be advantageous, he explicitly learns all of this so he can think like the guy who created virtual reality and win his dumb contest. Given how many people in the setting are doing the same, it gives the impression that this one rich douchebag has singlehandedly stunted an entire generation of culture by forcing them to waste all their time consuming John Hughes movies instead of creating anything new. This might have been interesting if it were Cline's message, but don't worry, there's no risk of him ever being that smart.
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Feb 17, 2018 17:06
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Trauma Dog 3000 posted:martha's face is all hosed up huh Go to a Walmart in rural Kansas sometime and look around
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Feb 17, 2018 18:34
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Leavemywife posted:I know the latter half of your post was trying to get back to books, but I like how the first Blade movie did his origin; we see a pregnant woman who's been bitten by a vampire, then Blade just tells us over the opening credits that he's a half-vampire and now he kills them. The Incredible Hulk movie started out with was basically a flashback to a film that didn't exist
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Feb 17, 2018 18:35
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Leavemywife posted:I know the latter half of your post was trying to get back to books, but I like how the first Blade movie did his origin; we see a pregnant woman who's been bitten by a vampire, then Blade just tells us over the opening credits that he's a half-vampire and now he kills them. It'd be hard to do an origin story for Blade. In the comic book version, he was born in the 1920s.
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Feb 17, 2018 18:49
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Nakar posted:In a way that's exactly what the message of RPO is: You should be obsessed with the awareness that certain things exist because a person older than you decided they were the most important things in the world. The main character doesn't come to his nostalgia for a time he wasn't even alive because he already liked 80s poo poo and that turned out to be advantageous, he explicitly learns all of this so he can think like the guy who created virtual reality and win his dumb contest. Given how many people in the setting are doing the same, it gives the impression that this one rich douchebag has singlehandedly stunted an entire generation of culture by forcing them to waste all their time consuming John Hughes movies instead of creating anything new. 372 pages points out that the Willie Wonka parallel completely breaks up because Ernest Cline won the internet because he was really good at quoting war games and nothing else, while Charlie wins the factory because he's an honest, fundamentally good person who proves his moral fiber time and time again. The nerdman had no challenges, no inner limitations to overcome except choosing what orifices and attachments his sex doll would have
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Feb 17, 2018 19:21
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Calaveron posted:372 pages points out that the Willie Wonka parallel completely breaks up because Ernest Cline won the internet because he was really good at quoting war games and nothing else, while Charlie wins the factory because he's an honest, fundamentally good person who proves his moral fiber time and time again. The nerdman had no challenges, no inner limitations to overcome except choosing what orifices and attachments his sex doll would have I still say RPO could've been heavily redeemed if the final test was different. Instead of being able to quote loving War Games it instead drops him into a scene ripped straight from their idol's mind. It's from when he turned his back on his wife. His friends. His family. And at first Percival (I think that was the protagonist's name) goes "oh I've read about this" and attempts to recreate what happened line for line. And fails. Cold dumps him out. He goes through it again, with his Designated Love Interest racing through their records to make sure he does everything the right way. Again fail. Again and again and again and again. No explanation. Maybe a single line of some punk poetry about death. Until he realizes that isn't what the founder wanted. The founder wanted whomever would take control of the Oasis to be someone who knew how he failed, not how he succeeded. That his whole dive into this 80's nostalgia wasn't what he wanted, it was a coping mechanism. For how he hosed over his family. His friends. Himself. That he died miserable, surrounded by toys from a childhood he'd rather forget, and money that would never fill the hole he carved for himself. Damnit anything but "you are the bestest at 80s pop culture here are the keys to the microtransaction riddled escapism medium that has utterly destroyed the cultural incentives to make the real world a better place." Damnit I hate how RPO utterly fails with an interesting premise. Tad William's "Otherworld" quadrology may be a dense tome but it did so much more with the concept.
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Feb 17, 2018 19:40
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IShallRiseAgain posted:It'd be hard to do an origin story for Blade. In the comic book version, he was born in the 1920s. Oh come on, you can't tell me that a 20s-set vampire-hunter origin movie wouldn't be loving AWESOME.
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Feb 17, 2018 19:58
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Runcible Cat posted:Oh come on, you can't tell me that a 20s-set vampire-hunter origin movie wouldn't be loving AWESOME. Eric ‘Blade’ Brooks was a black kid born in a Soho brothel in 1929 and raised by an adoptive prostitute family after the doctor called in for his birth turned out to be a vampire and killed his mother. He learned how to fight from a vampire-hunting jazz trumpeter, who he met shortly before World War II broke out. Then he travelled to America after the war and got caught up in a street gang (run by a vampire). Then he spent a decade or two repeatedly staking Dracula after ol’ Vlad killed his mentor. Yeah, there’s quite a lot there.
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Feb 17, 2018 20:57
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Darth Walrus posted:Eric ‘Blade’ Brooks was a black kid born in a Soho brothel in 1929 and raised by an adoptive prostitute family after the doctor called in for his birth turned out to be a vampire and killed his mother. He learned how to fight from a vampire-hunting jazz trumpeter, who he met shortly before World War II broke out. Then he travelled to America after the war and got caught up in a street gang (run by a vampire). Then he spent a decade or two repeatedly staking Dracula after ol’ Vlad killed his mentor. Have the movie take place over the entire time from his childhood in NYC in the Great Depression to modern day. Set the plot as him tracking down a particular super dangerous vampire across history before finally permanently killing him in 2020.
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Feb 17, 2018 21:34
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PJOmega posted:I still say RPO could've been heavily redeemed if the final test was different. Instead of being able to quote loving War Games it instead drops him into a scene ripped straight from their idol's mind. It's from when he turned his back on his wife. His friends. His family. And at first Percival (I think that was the protagonist's name) goes "oh I've read about this" and attempts to recreate what happened line for line. That would be too mature, though. RPO is a young-adult novel. It's not targeted at people who are currently teenagers, of course, but at 40-something men who are mentally twelve years old. But it's still YA literature and so has to fit all the genre tropes.
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Feb 17, 2018 21:51
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Sagebrush posted:That would be too mature, though. RPO is a young-adult novel. It's not targeted at people who are currently teenagers, of course, but at 40-something men who are mentally twelve years old. But it's still YA literature and so has to fit all the genre tropes. I mean, ‘young adult’ includes stuff like Mortal Engines, The Hunger Games, and Red Rising, which end up questioning some pretty core premises of their stories. I think it’s more accurate to say that RPO apes Cline’s idea of what a YA novel should be like.
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Feb 17, 2018 21:55
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I think my favourite example of that is in Insurgent in which a core point in the story is that other cities tried the personality-split social ladder, realised that it was incredibly loving stupid and stopped it. The city in the book is just the one that never got the memo.
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Feb 17, 2018 23:21
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BioEnchanted posted:I think my favourite example of that is in Insurgent in which a core point in the story is that other cities tried the personality-split social ladder, realised that it was incredibly loving stupid and stopped it. The city in the book is just the one that never got the memo. I just looked that series up and saw that the second half of the adaptation of the last book was cancelled, which I find hilarious. The trend to split every adaptation of the final book in a series is irritating.
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Feb 17, 2018 23:25
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girl pants posted:Tell me you don't want to see a gritty reboot of Barbie. Imagine the basement of the Malibu Dreamhouse full of superhero gadgets. Imagine the Barbie Jeep with a howitzer. https://twitter.com/IGN/status/965269953577299969 Wish granted.
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Feb 18, 2018 22:24
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can't wait to see the followup "greasy shipwrecked cultist ken" and "manipulative lying cancer-ridden whore who murdered barbies dad"
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Feb 19, 2018 01:10
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