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I'm a dumbass my apologiesesssss I missed Droo's item.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:06
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| # ? May 16, 2024 23:35 |
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Is there a good rundown of doing Orderup type delivery stuff? I looked on Glassdoor and saw $11/hr, but I'm not sure if that's 1099 like Uber or Lyft is. I used to deliver food, and it sounds like a better way to spend a few hours a couple times a week to bring in a bit of extra money. At least it seems like it might not just be using time to trade the value of the car for immediate money. I'm also hopefully going to be moving much closer to work in March, and will barely be putting any miles on the car. There's one place I'm looking at that would be less than four miles from work. 120 miles per day to 130 miles per month. At that point I'll probably use the Escort and let my wife use the Camry if she's planning on going anywhere other than the grocery store during the day. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Feb 20, 2018 |
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Feb 20, 2018 17:49
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Welp, I guess I’m not getting 44 hours per month of my life back. She only wanted to move because she thought that we were her friend’s only chance to avoid homelessness. I think I might just join the cheap gym that’s on the way home like I would have with this rental and let her deal with the fact I won’t be home until 7:30-8 several nights a week, but that might just be the resentment talking.
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Feb 21, 2018 20:12
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Why are you staying married if you have so many compatability issues?
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Feb 21, 2018 21:23
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Really it’s just financial compatibility issues, which I’m hoping we can work through. It’s just that finances can be very frustrating, especially when I got my hopes up for weeks about cutting an hour off of my commute each way. She still wants to move, she just wants to wait until we have over $10,000 in savings to do it.
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Feb 21, 2018 22:01
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Did you communicate to her that this is really important to you? Your commute right now sounds hellish. Could you potentially negotiate moving with less in savings if you do XYZ / promise to save $Q a month towards the emergency fund goal? This also sounds like a great topic to discuss with your counselor.
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Feb 21, 2018 22:39
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Yeah, I did. She just said that it was me trying to do what I wanted to do without caring about what she wanted, just like with the credit card. Yeah, even with my agreeing that we’re going to put everything we can into savings she still won’t let go of the credit card thing. Which is also why I can’t negotiate that in exchange for moving we’ll put more into savings. We’re already doing that. I’m making an appointment with a financial advisor through our EAP and making her attend. She keeps saying that nobody would ever say to pay off the credit card first.
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Feb 21, 2018 23:10
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Sorry your wife is an idiot about money. If I were married to someone bringing home 90% of our income, I don't think I could argue with him about money without feeling totally ashamed. She's a mooch and has the temerity to rag on you for paying off debt? Honestly, gently caress that poo poo. Your commute sounds loving miserable and there is no reason to prolong it.
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Feb 22, 2018 00:20
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You're in finical hardships and the only reason your wife wanted a new place was to give her friend a place to live?
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Feb 22, 2018 00:33
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I mean, she’s tried to work before but it hasn’t worked out. She’s legitimately way worse off than I am mentally, emotionally, and physically. We’ve looked on and off for freelance design gigs that would pay more than her nickel and dime digital art commissions, but no luck yet. I’m perfectly happy being a scientist supporting an artist. If she was just sitting around all day smoking weed and talking about being an artist, I would feel differently. But she’s actually doing art 30-40 hours per week. She’s trying to make money, but I make a lot more and she knows that and feels self-conscious about it. The commute itself isn’t that bad, it’s along a smoothly flowing interstate. But it still takes a lot of time, and this time of year if we get surprised by weather coming in a few hours early it can get stressful. Especially since I’ve gone from a mountain goat of a car to a pretty average mid sized sedan that really wants some snow tires. If I lived closer I could actually get back to the gym, read more books, find people on meetup to be social with. I mean, I would probably just sit on the computer and shitpost, but the possibility is there. E: we have been wanting to move for a long time. We were going to hold off on moving, then she heard her trans friend in the area was having a hard time finding roommates because he’s trans and even in supposedly progressive areas people are super lovely. I liked the idea because we could get a bigger place closer to work. He was going to be a roommate, not a charity case. He would pay 1/3 rent and utilities, we would pay 2/3. We currently have about $6900 in savings, so we’re in financial hardship but not anywhere near as bad as when I started this thread. I’m trying to to get complacent because of having savings, but we’ve pretty much always been one paycheck from having to beg help from family before now. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 00:48 on Feb 22, 2018 |
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Feb 22, 2018 00:43
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I just went back through the thread - drat you've been trying to move for ages. 22 Eargesplitten posted:Yeah, I did. She just said that it was me trying to do what I wanted to do without caring about what she wanted, just like with the credit card. This is some borderline personality manipulative bullshit if I've ever seen it. I haven't really followed your posts closely enough, but it seems like you're the major breadwinner. Spending 2.5hr a day in soul crushing commute isn't worth it if you have any choice. It seems that you do have quite a lot of choice. You might need to move into a smaller place, but it sounds like it's totally possible. Is your wife on disability? Is she in the process of getting on disability? It sounds like you're just enabling her to not work.
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Feb 22, 2018 04:42
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She went to a disability lawyer that said I made too much for her to get anything. I’m pretty sure that’s BS because the IRS website mentioned one that doesn’t look at your partner’s income, but she (not unreasonably) trusts the lawyer more. We could always legally divorce and she could get disability and Medicaid and food stamps, but if I was going to commit welfare fraud I wouldn’t mention it on here. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 05:08 on Feb 22, 2018 |
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Feb 22, 2018 05:02
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Your partner as in the person you're dating not the person you're married to pretty sure. Bobby wickman over in en would know a lot more.
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Feb 22, 2018 15:23
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Stand up for you own happiness and move.
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Feb 23, 2018 00:28
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Really the #1 thing I need to do for my happiness is find a therapist. But even the local autism society couldn’t find one that works with adults and takes insurance. So I guess unless I can find one that I can convince to put me lower on the sliding scale based off of all of my other medical expenses I have to choose between not being treated, being under treated, or paying $4-600 a month on top of my wife’s $440 a month therapy bills and $325 experimental procedure that the insurance won’t cover every month, and our psychiatrists, and our prescriptions, and forget about her or me going to a PT because even without that I’m looking at $1400 a month on the low end. Maybe GWM would be moving to a country with a real health care system. I’m going to guess it’s pretty hard to immigrate to Switzerland even if that’s where my family is originally from? I’m not serious about leaving the country, it’s just wishful thinking while ignoring how terrible it would be to live 3,000 miles from everyone I’ve ever known 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Feb 23, 2018 |
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Feb 23, 2018 01:05
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Can you and your wife split the therapy sessions she is paying for now? I'm guessing she's doing a weekly session based on the price, so you could each do one every other week. I also wouldn't normally get into this, but the way you talk about your wife makes her sound like a stubborn pain in the rear end who is making you miserable. Are you like... sure you want to stay with her? I also wonder if her weird obsession with having $10,000 in a savings account (despite credit card interest) is part of some plan to take whatever money she can and leave.
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Feb 23, 2018 01:57
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VoIP your therapy dog
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Feb 23, 2018 01:59
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22 Eargesplitten posted:I’m perfectly happy being a scientist supporting an artist. You should legally divorce her, and then for real divorce her, because "just financial issues" are the number one reason couples split up and you two really need to be on the same page or else you're just asking for trouble. How do you see your future with someone who wants to live in debt forever? Are you going to raise a family with this person? Spend the next five decades supporting them and letting them criticize you and insult you for making good decisions? Argh!!
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Feb 23, 2018 02:06
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Droo posted:Are you like... sure you want to stay with her? I also wonder if her weird obsession with having $10,000 in a savings account (despite credit card interest) is part of some plan to take whatever money she can and leave.
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Feb 23, 2018 02:06
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Veskit posted:VoIP your therapy dog That's a good idea. I didn't realize that was even a thing. I could even maybe find someone who does it by webcam so I could get body language through too. For the rest of it: keep in mind I'm probably a really unreliable narrator. I'm frustrated with money, but I'm also a mostly untreated autist who is next to incapable of displaying emotion, seems arrogant, and is terrible about following through on seeking help for himself. She's been up my rear end to find a new therapist for months and it took me forever even to find the autism society to call them. She does need the gluten free food, I was going to avoid saying why but I'll be blunt. If she has a lot of gluten she vomits blood. Yes, she's seen a doctor. No, she didn't figure out why, yes we're trying to find another doctor. That therapy is to help deal with being married to an autist, the $325 procedure took her from being suicidal at least once a week to two or three times between November and May. Actually, when I was halfway through writing this post, she asked why I was so unhappy at work. I mentioned how I wasn't feeling challenged and the commute was starting to drag on me, and I wasn't sure why it suddenly started after more than a year. She hadn't realized it had already been a year, and suggested we move after we hit 8k (we're at 6.8, so hopefully at the end of March's extra payday month). I think she genuinely didn't realize how crappy the commute had started making me feel. I was completely fine with it for the longest time. She's said in the past she's worried about what will happen if one of our pets gets really sick or we get really sick. I can understand wanting to save up that much money, especially since in 2016 I lost my job twice and we had to borrow money from our parents and still only made it to my first paycheck at my new job because of the windfall at the beginning of the thread. I think we can get on the same page financially. I've sperged out (literally) about finances, she has no financial education thanks to our school system being poo poo. And since I come across as arrogant, she has a hard time admitting when I know more about something than her. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 04:48 on Feb 23, 2018 |
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Feb 23, 2018 04:38
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nah she has no financial education because she doesn't want to learn 12 month mark is common for feeling like you hit a wall at a job so don't feel too bad about that. You definitely need to move, like right loving now, though.
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Feb 23, 2018 16:00
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I think I figured out why the commute is dragging. My Subaru was fun to drive even just going to work on the interstate. After the novelty of trying to get the average MPG gauge as high as possible on the Camry wore off, I’m left with a very boring car. When it comes to work I’m basically in limbo between two projects while I have very little to do and feel insecure because of my past performance issues and my manager is in Europe for the next three weeks or so. We’ve got a shitload of documentation to study when we have time, I’m going to get my coworker to put all two hundred books (  ) on our shared drive.
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Feb 23, 2018 17:11
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Doing a boring thing for a long time is tiring but I doubt with Better car you'd feel better
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Feb 23, 2018 20:12
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I’m definitely not buying a new car, and even with the Subaru back I wouldn’t drive it down and back because of increased gas and maintenance costs. When I’m closer it won’t be an issue because I won’t be spending so much time on the road. It’s just nice to know why it’s bugging me all of a sudden.
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Feb 23, 2018 21:27
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Do you do mindfulness meditation at all
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Feb 23, 2018 23:25
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Not anymore  . I had been for a while. I just forgot about it. I did like it. I hadn’t even thought about it for six months or more until you mentioned it just now.
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Feb 24, 2018 00:13
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If you're having troubles understanding your feelings to that degree why don't you practice mindfulness. Therapist is going to recommend it anyway
Veskit fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Feb 26, 2018 |
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Feb 24, 2018 00:23
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Mindfulness is great, The Feeling Good Handbook is a thing that my therapist gave me exercises out of and it's also pretty commonly recommended. I'm glad that your wife is open to moving. I know it can be really challenging to deal with someone when you're burned out on handling their emotions. It sounds like you both might be at that place. I hope that between her therapy and your mindfulness you can both start to renew your emotional reserves so you can be kinder and gentler to each other.
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Feb 25, 2018 23:45
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Does anyone have a good resource for finding long distance therapists? My company’s EAP basically just said “well, we have doctors you can talk to in the phone” and when I asked for local providers they sent me a list of therapists, none of which seem to focus on autism. That’s 2 for 2 of them being completely useless. I might be doing some 1099 work and talking with one of their financial people for the taxes related to that. I hope those people are less incompetent.
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Feb 27, 2018 21:00
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You should talk to them anyway. A local therapist you can talk to on the phone is much better than nothing. If they aren't giving you what you want then you can ask them to refer you to what you're asking for. A therapist prrrrrrrooooooobabbbbblyyyy has better connections to this than you do, or me really i don't know poo poo about specialized therapist for autists though I'm sure one of those therapists do... Veskit fucked around with this message at 21:55 on Feb 27, 2018 |
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Feb 27, 2018 21:43
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Yeah, I called. Hoping that even if nobody on this list does what I need they know someone who will. I really need to get into therapy ASAP. I want the day to be over before I even get to work, and cutting the commute isn’t going to change that. I stay up late most nights because going to sleep means I have to wake up and go to work, or on weekends it means I have to get up and try to get responsibilities done before I give up for the day, sit down at my desk, and then not do anything until dinner time. I’ve got an appointment with my psychiatrist today, we’ll see if he thinks I should adjust meds or just wait until I have some therapy.
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Feb 28, 2018 17:15
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Well, I just got paid today and finally knocked my CC down to zero. I’m still looking at interest this month, but I’ll take care of that next paycheck. Looking forward to seeing my credit score once it updates on Mint, finding I was under 640 when I was getting a loan was a blow to the financial ego. We’re down to $6,700 in savings, but we’ve got $330 in FSA reimbursement coming in soon.
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Mar 2, 2018 17:18
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How did your appointment go
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Mar 2, 2018 17:40
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No med adjustment yet since it was a sudden drastic mood dip. We didn’t want to make a permanent change over that. I’m seeing him again in a month to see how things are going and whether we need to make changes. He also recommended a therapist, she doesn’t specialize in autism but he said it sounds like as much of my problems are coming from stress and depression as autism-related issues. He says she’s about as good as the one my wife is going to, and she takes my insurance so it’s $20 per session. I actually started feeling better really quickly after that. So I probably don’t need a medication adjustment. I’m going to sign up for a gym that’s $35 a month. I get a $20 reimbursement per month, which I estimate comes out to about $16 per month. There’s a gym that’s $30 per month closer, but apparently one of the owners is a proud KKK member, and this race traitor doesn’t feel like supporting that. I’m trying to lose five more pounds, and I love weightlifting. I suck at actually going to the gym, though. We’ll see how it works out. There’s a gym at work but they don’t have any barbells, it’s barely better than a hotel gym.
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Mar 2, 2018 18:15
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That therapist sounds perfect for what you're trying to do! What's your weight lifting plan? I gotta say I saw zero difference between coming up with a plan for strength training and budgeting so it'll be working a lot of balance. Also if your gym does yoga you should throw in one of those classes a week.
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Mar 2, 2018 18:37
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I really like Westside for Skinny Bastards. It’s a lot of fun, although I drop the dynamic lower body for a conditioning / cardio day since my cardiovascular conditioning is godawful. Actually, that reminded me that there’s a city rec / activity center five-ten minutes away that I need to check out. They have some classes, but I’m not sure there’s anything that fits my schedule. It’s almost exactly the same price, and it’s closer. It just depends on whether there’s a decent weight room. That pass would also cover two city pools, which would be nice because I hate not being able to swim. I’ll take a look at the weight room there this weekend. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Mar 2, 2018 |
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Mar 2, 2018 18:43
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I’ve been thinking about what to do when I want to go back to college. I have that college debt in collections, and I know I need to pay that off before they’ll release my transcripts. The thing is, it’s at Colorado State University. I want to go to the University of Colorado, since they apparently have a very good Computer Science program. That’s assuming their online program is cheaper or I can get help from whatever company I’m with. Will another state college in the same state tell me to gently caress off if I’ve settled a debt with a state college? What if I pay in full? I really want to complete my degree at some point, and I don’t want to shut myself out of options with how I handle this debt. That point is a ways off, but it’s an uncertainty in the back of my head so I would like to have that answered ahead of time.
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Mar 7, 2018 17:22
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Well, my AmEx statement seems to update immediately after Mint pulls my score, but even getting the AmEx down to $300 or so my credit score went from 645 to 717. The balance is currently sitting at about $2.75, all interest.
22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Mar 10, 2018 |
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Mar 10, 2018 19:04
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Congrats! Keep plugging along!
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Mar 10, 2018 20:39
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| # ? May 16, 2024 23:35 |
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Thanks! I’m really excited by the progress. We decided to give Order Up a shot. She’ll do a few shifts a week, I’ll do maybe a couple. Should get us maybe $3-500 extra a month at least after tax and gas (on our efficient cars), which can go straight to savings and debt. If we can get the same shifts when I do it that would only be maybe another 6 hours apart per week and if we could get Friday or Saturday evening shifts we would probably get a lot of orders. I’ll keep an eye on what it might do to our maintenance costs, but I can do our oil changes / air filters again, her car is very low miles while not being worth much, and my Camry hybrid doesn’t have very much maintenance on its schedule in general. It might not work out, but it’s worth a try. We’re thinking about getting a roommate when we move, so we can get a nicer place without really paying any more.
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Mar 10, 2018 21:39
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