Fathis Munk posted:

Yeah I didn't know white women liked to buy cursed houses and black man had a cursed house detector.

TMYK

Katt posted:

I recall Eddie Murphy doing a stand up about how white people in haunted house movies always seem to stick around as things get worse as opposed to just bolting straight out of the door the first time you turn on the shower and blood comes out instead of water.

quote:

If you are playing the dating game, chances are you will have a date from hell. It's just part of dating jungle out there. You're going to meet some pretty strange and weird women.

One of the worst dates you can have is these women that flirt and come on to other guys while you are on a date. They are so full of themselves and love to be the center of attention. Nothing can be so rude and such a turn-off as your date throwing herself at other guys.

While we are on the subject of dates from hell, let me tell you about one of several of mine:

I met this really fine girl at the beach that had the best body I had ever seen in my life. I was just driving around on the beach in my Corvette with the T-tops off and this beautiful girl in a hot bikini flagged me down and said, "That's really a find Corvette, can I go for a ride in it?" Of course, I took her up on it.

We seemed to hit it off really well and she asked me if I could give her a ride home (she came to the beach with her brother in his car). She seemed a little drunk and later I found out that she was an alcoholic.

Anyway, we stopped by my place on the way to her apartment that late afternoon. It had been a very hot day and I looked in my backyard to check on my German Shepherd. He was lying there lifeless and his body was very warm. There had been a thunderstorm earlier in the day and I know from experience that when this happens he freaks out and paces back and forth endlessly. Also, he had turned over his water bowl and had no water. So apparently he had literally run himself to death in the heat with no water.

I rushed him to the vet and on the way the girl kept crying and giving my dog mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (can you imagine this?). It was too late and there was no hope for the dog and he died of a heat stroke.

To make a long story short, I dated her a couple of more times and she was always drunk and she confessed that she had a drinking problem. So, let me tell you what happened on our last date from hell:

I took her to a nice romantic Italian restaurant and then we took a helicopter tour of Houston, TX. Later that night we went to a nightclub. All she did all night was flirt and talk to other guys. I let her know I didn't appreciate it either. So, I finally got her to leave cause I couldn't take it anymore. We were on our way back to my house and she wanted to stop by the lake. So we were walking along the pier and insisted that she wanted to jump in the lake.

I told her not to jump in the lake because she was drunk and may drown. We argued back and forth and before I knew it she jumps in the lake with her clothes on. She swam out about 50 yards and then I saw her struggling and started going underwater. So, I had to jump in the lake to save her. There was another guy on the pier and he helped me bring her up on the pier. She was ok, thank God.

So, there we were both soak and wet and I was pissed. I took her home so she could put on some dry clothes. While I wasn't looking, she had taken some of my antidepressant prescription pills and passed out. She was like a corpse. I loaded her up in my jeep and took her back to her apartment. She slept all day and didn't show up for work.

I learned later that she was suicidal and that was the reason she jumped in the lake and took my pills. Needless to say, I never dated this mental case again.

So, the moral to this article is that there's a good chance that you will have a date from hell. Just chalk it up as experience and as the saying goes, "crap happens."

fish and chips and dip posted:

fish and chips and dip posted:

fish and chips and dip posted:

This is, no poo poo, the guy who wrote that dating story:

TheMostFrench posted:

Reaction gifs are like laugh tracks, they prompt people on how to respond.

YeahTubaMike posted:

Tumblr needs to die soon.

Katt posted:

I recall Eddie Murphy doing a stand up about how white people in haunted house movies always seem to stick around as things get worse as opposed to just bolting straight out of the door the first time you turn on the shower and blood comes out instead of water.

fish and chips and dip posted:

This is, no poo poo, the guy who wrote that dating story:

quote:

That was quite an adventure, right? It's obviously -- OBVIOUSLY -- not true, but all good lies have elements of truth in them. So, Houston police, there's a really good chance Don is describing the time he killed his dog, drugged a woman, and threw her body in a lake. The only part of the story I 100 percent believe is that Don couldn't get laid even with the world's sluttiest girl over the course of eight location changes.

GreenMetalSun posted:

sweeperbravo posted:

without corrective lenses i can't recognize people i grew up with in a photograph right in front of my loving face but i just like to go places without my glasses to up the suspense for the obvious twists in my stories

Katt posted:

I recall Eddie Murphy doing a stand up about how white people in haunted house movies always seem to stick around as things get worse as opposed to just bolting straight out of the door the first time you turn on the shower and blood comes out instead of water.

TheKennedys posted:

"white people do dumb poo poo in horror movies" has been a cliche for a long time; I don't even remember where I originally heard the "black dude dies first despite being the only one with sense" cliche but that's a thing too. obviously the white people have to do dumb poo poo for the movie to happen, but the black dude being the one to go "y'all, this is loving stupid" and then dying horribly has to be intentional.

Jurgan posted:

And then, years later, he starred in The Haunted Mansion and did the exact same thing.

Katt posted:

That's why "Deep Blue Sea" Surprised me because the black guy just keeps surviving all the craziest stuff. It's like the director is just yanking your chain the whole time with the certain death scenarios.

Katt posted:

That's why "Deep Blue Sea" Surprised me because the black guy just keeps surviving all the craziest stuff. It's like the director is just yanking your chain the whole time with the certain death scenarios.

Katt posted:

That's why "Deep Blue Sea" Surprised me because the black guy just keeps surviving all the craziest stuff. It's like the director is just yanking your chain the whole time with the certain death scenarios.

Katt posted:

That's why "Deep Blue Sea" Surprised me because the black guy just keeps surviving all the craziest stuff. It's like the director is just yanking your chain the whole time with the certain death scenarios.

Then at the end you have the white guy, white girl and the black guy. I was 100% sure that the black guy was going to end up sacrificing himself to save the others.


I know this isn't true because Eddie Murphy died in the mid 90s and went home to his planet and I won't hear anything else on the topic

Haifisch posted:

Rahonavis posted:

Me: “Shiro Kishi.” *literally, ‘White Knight’*

Teacher: “Oh? That’s… an interesting name. Sounds a bit like someone from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, does it not?”

This part always drives me insane whenever this story gets posted because no, it drat well does not.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Also if a "white knight" was introduced to a "black night" the appropriate response would be along the lines of "die infidel", not "let's gently caress".