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  • Locked thread
Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


achtungnight posted:

cat stuff. That's all that cats dream about IRL. As a cat owner, I know.

:same:

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ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Cat stuff.

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, no votes for towels or modern art, 1 vote for drowning, and 7 votes for cat stuff.

quote:

When your dream fades, it is replaced by the reality of a stressful-sounding discussion between Claire and Andre. Claire's face is strained, and she's leaning, arms folded, on the flat-top stove.

"This whole thing…I mean, I've never missed saying goodbye to Moon before!" she says, shaking her head. "I don't want to be one of those mums whose kid sees their nanny more than their own family."

"She loves Svenja," Andre assures her, putting his hands on her shoulders and rubbing them gently. "It was fine."

Claire meets his eyes and lets out a long deep breath.

"I really hope so. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew with this whole leadership thing." She looks over at you and adds, "At least that one over there helps me feel like I'm sane enough to cope. Rescuing animals from unknown horrors is pretty good for keeping things in perspective."

Andre pulls Claire toward him for a hug, rocking her slightly and stroking her hair. "Perhaps you should have Morgana around when you have to talk to colleagues," he says with a wink. "It's not like you're the only one who needs a bit of perspective."

Claire nods her head with a hint of a smile. Andre continues.

"You know, when I was playing Guns N' Roses the other day, I actually felt more motivated just because I had Morgana as an audience," he says, and laughs. "I mean, this might be biased by my really digging Morgana already, and it's hardly filling ComCorp Arena, but stupid or not, Morgana just being there made me feel like I could achieve something."

Aw, they like us! They really like us!

quote:

Claire gives him a kiss on the cheek, and the talk turns to whether Moon has all the stuff she needs for preschool. Andre clearly has it covered, and when the two finish talking, Claire grabs a bag and a case from near the table. Jangling her keys, she kisses Andre once again goodbye.

Bene gets all excited, a yellow streak of blind enthusiasm bouncing between the pair of them, wagging his tail and trying to lick their hands.

"Oops—keys," says Andre, closing Claire's hand tenderly in his own to still the clink of metal. "Bene thinks it's his W-A-L-K."

Claire manages to extricate herself from Bene's misled expectations.

The still-hopeful dog transfers his desires onto Andre, remaining irreparably jovial. He tails Andre closely as a leash and plastic bags are hunted down. You're subjected to a running commentary on the contents of Andre's busy head. "Be glad I've got first period free, Bene." Andre stands on his tiptoes to feel through the clutter on the top of the fridge. "drat. I can't find your tennis ball."

The word "ball" turns Bene from an annoyance to a whirlwind. He skitters around the room, skidding on the tile in his excitement.

"Got it." Andre waves his hand in triumph, turning to you as he stuffs the ball into one of his many plastic bags. Bene skitters toward the kitchen windows—which means nearer to you.

"Aha, you two have made friends then!" Andre's optimism about Bene's reason for being closer to you knows no bounds. "Step up, Morgana. Old Bene wants to play!"

You eye Bene as he rockets toward and away from you. He's of the same opinion as Andre about your friendship and eventually leaps straight in front of you, crouching and quivering expectantly. His tail is a blur of crazy-dog excitement.

-Blatantly scratch him. Everyone should know that I don't do alliances with dogs.
-Go for sly psychological nastiness. Be friendly, then claw him when Andre isn't looking.
-Keep on his good side by playing a game he might like.
-Bail. This whole situation is too potentially dangerous to be comfortable.

Oh boy. Now to really figure out how we feel about Bene. We were nice before, but what will we be doing now?

1. Blatantly scratch him. Everyone should know that I don't do alliances with dogs.
2. Go for sly psychological nastiness. Be friendly, then claw him when Andre isn't looking.
3. Keep on his good side by playing a game he might like.
4. Bail. This whole situation is too potentially dangerous to be comfortable.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 51% Demanding: 49%
Self-Interested: 63% Loyal: 37%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 39% Andre's Like: 61%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is amenable to you, for now.
Maddox: hasn't met you yet.

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
Be sly. We're a cat, sly is what we do.

Angrymog
Jan 30, 2012

Really Madcats

Nah, let's keep being Friends. Also, IIRC the mechanics in these games really don't like you to flip flop between renegade and paragon. :)

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Bail Abort abort abort!

Gwaint
Oct 22, 2010

"Music is the truth. Just listen..."
Keep on his good side. Bene will be a fine ally to us in future, or at the very least an unwitting patsy.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Good side of the dog. It'd be nice to keep the dog as a buddy, methinks.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


3

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Bail.

Aesculus
Mar 22, 2013

Seeya later, shitlords!

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Sly is the Cat way.

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars


3: ADAG

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.
Pillbug
Why can't we be friends?



These beans are nice to dogs.

Cirina
Feb 15, 2013

Operation complete.
Let's be friends




Cats and dogs are great.

bibliosabreur
Oct 21, 2017
Friends! This is not the time to scratch him up and we could do with a dim, easily-manipulable, but strong minion.

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Play.

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, we decided we were nice cats who did not want to scratch dogs, because that got no votes. Being sly got 2 votes, and three of us wanted to bail on Bene. But 8 of us wanted to experience some cute cat and dog playtime, so that is what we shall do!

quote:

Bene stops right in front of you and lowers his front half to the ground. His back half and tail are up. His body is a spring pushed tight. He is waiting to burst, to dash forward and play. You take it slowly, showing him first how friendly you can be, purring and rubbing along his side.

Tail awag, Bene skips sideways, letting out a bark that means "Come on, let's go." While Andre locates dog treats, you do your best to romp without actually being trampled. Bene seriously enjoys it.

"You two are hilarious," Andre says, stuffing more things in bags. As human beings usually do, he's made a lot of work out of preparing to go outside.

Andre finally starts to pull on his boots, thumping them on the tile until chunks of mud fly.

"Remind me to sweep all that up when we get back, eh, boy?" He gives Bene a wink, adding, "The big park today? That sound good?"

It sounds fantastic, in your opinion. Dog, adults, child, all gone, so you have free range of the house. As your mind turns to the possibilities, the pair start to walk toward a window.

Andre pauses and leans to one side, stretching out an arm. You hear the sudden blast of an official-sounding voice.

"Sorry, guys," he shouts, turning the radio down to a saner level. "I thought I'd leave this on so you could have some company, Morgana. We used to do this for you when you were a puppy, Bene. You remember?" He smiles fondly. "It made you more…calm."

Does anyone actually do that? I don't leave any radio or TV on for my cat. ...Though it probably helps that I don't own a TV or a radio...

quote:

Regardless of whether the fact that you're a cat and not a puppy has escaped him, Andre seems pleased with his idea. You, on the other hand, are more interested in the fact that he's about to walk straight into a window again.

It's Bene who stops first, while Andre grabs a lever on a beam and wrenches it upward. The oddest thing happens. The floor-to-ceiling window bends outward from the rest of the glass. The lever, clearly halfway between magic and mirage, has transformed the window into a door—a real one, because the two of them exit the house through it.

You're then alone. Alone with the puzzling new information that windows can be doors. Music mixed with static pops and fizzes in the background. You try and focus.

Humans aren't wrong that household pets seem "calm" when there's a radio left on. Radios, cats discovered, are a wealth of information, which, if listened to, can gain you useful insights that might one day come in handy. It's been gleaned, for example, that humans trapped in radios like to spread their suffering to listeners by regularly talking about weather, violent crime, disasters, or pointless games for creatures with two legs. The useful applications for these phenomena remain unknown, but the commentaries on music are more obvious. Sentences like "Coming up, we have Justin Bieber," for example, are not just information on who wrote or sang a tune but also double as a cue to find a place to sleep elsewhere.

When the static subsides, it's much easier to listen. Besides what's on the airwaves, there is obviously still much to learn in this house full of options and surprises. With luck, you'll have sufficient time to scope a few things out. The "big park" Andre mentioned isn't likely to be massive, so you'll have to set priorities. Considering your options, the one that most appeals to you is:

-Spying on Helmut the cat basher to get a proper feel for just how bad he is.
-Analyzing the radio for clues about what a "hit" is.
-Leaping at that lever so I can get outside too. I can't handle this lack of attention.
-Rummaging through Claire's room for info I can use to my advantage.

Oh, now this vote is interesting. You see, we can only pick one of these, so this will give us a boost in deciding what our goals will be. So, what do we do while everyone's out?

1. Spying on Helmut the cat basher to get a proper feel for just how bad he is.
2. Analyzing the radio for clues about what a "hit" is.
3. Leaping at that lever so I can get outside too. I can't handle this lack of attention.
4. Rummaging through Claire's room for info I can use to my advantage.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 55% Demanding: 45%
Self-Interested: 63% Loyal: 37%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 36% Andre's Like: 64%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is quite amenable to you.
Maddox: hasn't met you yet.

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Claire's room.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Listen to the radio. It was left on for a reason.

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.
Pillbug
Rummage. My new cat inspects all paperwork.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Hit up Claire's room.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

POOL IS CLOSED posted:

Rummage. My new cat inspects all paperwork.

Cats are suckers for paperwork. That's why they always lay on it. Rummage



And yes, people absolutely leave the T.V. on for pets. There's even a channel run by animal planet that is nothing but "scientifically formulated dog music for improving animal intelligence" playing behind videos of dogs running around parks and stuff.

My parents turn it on for their dogs whenever they leave and overnight

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.
Pillbug
Ah, yeah. I often leave a little noise for pets. Something with a human voice for their benefit.

Angrymog
Jan 30, 2012

Really Madcats

Yeah, when I went on a long holiday I left the radio tuned to Radio 4 for the cats. (A neighbour came in and fed them)

Anyway, we should rummage

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
Inspect Claire's room.

I've never been in the habit of leaving noise on for pets, probably because I grew up in a household where we never left noise on for our various pets. Although it probably helped that we usually had at least two pets at any given time. :v:

And now I'm in an apartment where my cat cares more about watching ducks and geese outside than about noises.

Deadmeat5150
Nov 21, 2005

OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN
Rummage

I leave the radio on NPR when going on a long trip for the cats. Seems to stop them from pissing on the carpet and bed to spite me.

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, no one wanted to leave the house or spy on this Helmut guy. Only 1 person wanted to listen to the radio, and a total of 7 people thought that rummaging through Claire's stuff would be the best use of our time. Let's get to it!

quote:

Moon's child gate hangs open as you trek to the top of the stairs. The door to Claire's study is open as well, and you slip inside to stare at utter chaos. Where does one start? Piles of paper with words aren't much use to you, and books without pictures even less so. Of course, photos could well be, so you're very relieved when you find some. The box they're all in is quite heavy, but a few tries and you manage to tip it. Glossy squares in many colors sweep out across the floor.

There are too many pictures of Moon at various sizes. There is Andre holding Moon, Claire holding Moon, Moon with various stains all over herself, Moon failing to walk in a straight line. The slick skins of the prints make them easy to move and you paw them aside to keep looking. Not that you have any idea what you're hoping to find.

There's one with Claire and Bene, but not on a beach or in a park or arguing over a stick or any of the usual dog-and-owner poses. Instead, Bene is sitting quite proudly at Claire's side while she's standing on a podium, obviously giving a speech. Her eyes are half-closed, so she looks like she's going to sneeze, but that's not what's important. What's important is the people. They're looking at Bene, not her. And they're cheering.

Well well well. What do we have here? People...cheering for a dog.

quote:

You don't know the word "mascot," but you know what you're seeing in action. There's a bunch of people liking Claire for reasons that have little to do with what she's saying. You see another photo too, of Claire sitting at a desk full of pamphlets. A man in a suit shakes her hand, while several other people cluster around Bene.

After that, it's more pictures of children. Then even more of some baby that is doubtless also Moon. There are different old women holding it. They all make that cooing face and lean in extra close to the baby.

Boring. So boring, in fact, that you head back downstairs to the kitchen, to brave the mind-numbing dumbness of radio music. As you fall asleep to the sound of it, you know you've at least learned something. Even if it was from a dog.

When you drift in and out of sleep in a new home this plush, the line between dreams and reality can blur. The subtle shift of sunshine over patterned modern tile is, in all likelihood, no dream at all. The rows of cans that slide and melt down shelves might well be legitimate works of art—just like the flowers. Petals waxing, merging with the sounds made for their names. They call themselves out from the darkness. From the place of time long past. Poppy, hyacinth, hydrangea, said by the kind face of the gardener who kept you fed awhile.

Then comes the dog. A spotted dog. Its blotchy patches grow before your eyes. They warp and change. A different dog. A looming, drooling thing with a halo-haze of yellow all around it. This beast slides at you without moving its legs, swelling like a sun to thrice its size. Its mouth opens wide, revealing smooth, toothless gums and a throat that seems to stretch for several miles. Cartilage ridges flex and ripple. Your relief at the lack of teeth evaporates when that funnel of larynx moves in over you, contracting like a vortex of skin and mucus…

"Here you are!"

You blink and look around you. A fridge. Oven. Many counters, many cupboards. A basket full of curled-up dog. He opens one eye and looks at you.

"Sorry, puss, didn't mean to jolt you awake like that." Andre's voice is soft and gentle. Around you is the firm but steady grip of human hands. As Bene heaves himself to his feet and shakes himself, you're being lifted into Andre's arms. He seems keen on carting you off somewhere. Still groggy from your dream, your first reaction is to:

-Use manic, panicked wriggling to demand he put me down.
-Employ a dopey but endearing purr to let him know I'm glad he's home.
-Go with what he wants. It's the path of least resistance.

Well great. Jolted out of a nice nap by a human wanting to carry us. So, how do we react?

1. Use manic, panicked wriggling to demand he put me down.
2. Employ a dopey but endearing purr to let him know I'm glad he's home.
3. Go with what he wants. It's the path of least resistance.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 55% Demanding: 45%
Self-Interested: 63% Loyal: 37%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 36% Andre's Like: 64%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is quite amenable to you.
Maddox: hasn't met you yet.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Purr! Some cats like being held, some don’t.

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
Purr.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Just go with it because :effort:

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Purr and hope he’s not making us listen to more music.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Go with the flow.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Purr

Willie Tomg
Feb 2, 2006
Purr. There will be more naps!

SimplyUnknown1
Aug 18, 2017

Cat Cat Cat
Ok, no one wanted to wriggle, 2 of us went with the flow, and 5 wanted us to start purring. So let's get ready to rumble!!!

quote:

"Aw, I'm happy to see you too," Andre says, running his hand along your back as he carries you. "Let's reintroduce you to your litter box, OK? I moved it to the laundry room with the rest of your stuff."

Behind you both, the lolling smile of Bene comes into view. He tails you to the laundry room, where Andre puts you gently onto the kitty litter. Bene pushes his head around Andre, trying to get around him to see what exactly you're up to. His intermittent yelps are actually dog-speak for "Morgana is a waste of time, play with me!"

Andre picks you up again and holds you up above Bene's level.

"Bene, get back in your basket." Andre throws out one pointing hand. Bene looks up at it. It's an age-old trick of dogs and cats alike to pretend they don't know what humans want of them. "Now, Bene. Basket."

I know that trick. My cat uses it on me all the time.

quote:

Bene obeys—at least for the split second before the door rings.

"Bene! Quiet!"

Bene's bark for intruders is a sound all of its own. There's a lot of enjoyment and pride in it, like it's part of his family job. He clearly wants to do it with finesse, but it seems it's not the time or the place. Andre plunks you on the floor, glowering at both of you. "No cavorting around and breaking stuff, OK?" he says, before rushing from the room.

The door is closed, but Bene is still barking. He turns to you with a big, saggy grin that says, "Let's have some fun!"

Outside of the kitchen, Andre is having a discussion with two women on the doorstep. They're extremely keen to sell him a religion, though you're sure he's already decided on one for himself, judging by the number of times you've heard him use the words "God," "Christ," and "Jesus." While his voice goes from patronizing to impatient, you turn your attention to Bene.

His insistence on playing a game with you is:

-Dumb, so I ignore him to show him I think his behavior is juvenile.
-Really sweet, so I play along because it seems important to him.
-Misled and terrifying. I do some feral hissing to rectify his assessment of the situation.
-Awesome! I subtly ensure we play the games he really digs so we stay great pals.

Aw! Bene wants to play with us? How do we feel about that?

1. Dumb, so I ignore him to show him I think his behavior is juvenile.
2. Really sweet, so I play along because it seems important to him.
3. Misled and terrifying. I do some feral hissing to rectify his assessment of the situation.
4. Awesome! I subtly ensure we play the games he really digs so we stay great pals.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 55% Demanding: 45%
Self-Interested: 63% Loyal: 37%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is quite amenable to you.
Maddox: hasn't met you yet.

Haifisch
Nov 13, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender
It's sweet, so let's play along.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Sweet! Play along with the mutt.

Avalerion
Oct 19, 2012

Sweet, play along. Guess he can be our pet, now.

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Gwaint
Oct 22, 2010

"Music is the truth. Just listen..."
Let's play along!
This is really sweet, we are so totally gonna be best buddies at this rate :3:

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