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It happens when you get older. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL1PnA698Zc&t=118s
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Mar 2, 2018 21:41
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 12:47 |
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About three years ago I was working in a cube by my boss, and he’d usually let one rip at least one in the afternoon. This one day it started at around 1 pm and just kept going. By 4 pm I couldn’t take it anymore and ran out to my car like the end of the “no laughing” episode of beavis and butthead. I sat in there for at least 10 minutes until I composed myself enough to go back. But then I just kept remembering and couldn’t get any work done so I left early.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:14
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We told my 8 year old to stop farting at the dinner table because the smell wasn’t so great, so now she’ll quickly get up and run to the living room corner in an obvious squat and the biggest grin you ever saw.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:17
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opie posted:We told my 8 year old to stop farting at the dinner table because the smell wasn’t so great, so now she’ll quickly get up and run to the living room corner in an obvious squat and the biggest grin you ever saw. Don't fart shame your daughter
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Mar 3, 2018 00:20
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I mentioned it in the EMS stories thread, but on Wednesday night I had a patient who sharted so hard he vagal’d, fainted, and crashed his car. I was impressed.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:36
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Kak posted:Don't fart shame your daughter And it stinks
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Mar 3, 2018 00:40
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Ginette Reno posted:I had some kind of stomach bug last Friday and for the first time probably since I was 10 or something I poo poo myself. My stomach was roiling and I farted and it wasn't just a fart, it was poo poo. Not huge amounts of it, but enough to be a problem. You should crap during your remote meetings. It's a power move. opie posted:About three years ago I was working in a cube by my boss, and he’d usually let one rip at least one in the afternoon. This one day it started at around 1 pm and just kept going. By 4 pm I couldn’t take it anymore and ran out to my car like the end of the “no laughing” episode of beavis and butthead. I sat in there for at least 10 minutes until I composed myself enough to go back. But then I just kept remembering and couldn’t get any work done so I left early. A single 3 hour fart? Impressive.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:47
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Wamdoodle posted:A single 3 hour fart? Impressive. My 8 year old just farted and went “ah yeah...how do you like that air biscuit?” I try to make sure she farts appropriately but she can cut loose when it’s just us.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:56
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My granddaughter is 4 1/2 and we are trying to teach her that farting isn't very lady like and that she shouldn't do it in public. She's confused because her whole life when she's rip one we'd all laugh.
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Mar 3, 2018 01:28
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Ginette Reno posted:I had some kind of stomach bug last Friday and for the first time probably since I was 10 or something I poo poo myself. My stomach was roiling and I farted and it wasn't just a fart, it was poo poo. Not huge amounts of it, but enough to be a problem. I admit I sharted yesterday. I was incredibly sick with flu-like symptoms for two days (Wednesday and Thursday). High fever with the chills, and mucus in my chest and sinuses that could fill an olympic sized swimming pool, but really nothing else. I was immobile and dying on Wednesday, and the fever finally broke yesterday and I started feeling a little better, but the goddamn mucus has stayed with me like unwelcome distant relatives who drop by unannounced. Well, yesterday, I got into a coughing fit from said mucus, but it was nothing important. That is, until I started farting with each hacking cough. Holy loving poo poo, I started giggling and then full on laughing in between coughs and farts and running out of breath as I couldn't fully decide whether I needed to cough or laugh. COUGH COUGH COUGH FART FART FART COUGH COUGH COUGH FART FART FART. It was a magical moment of fun and clarity in my lovely sick time off from work. That is, until it happened. COUGH COUGH COUGH FART FART FART COUGH COUGH COUGH FART FART FARPPPPPTTTHHHHSSSSHHHH and I immediately clenched my buttcheeks and ran to the bathroom so I could survey the damage my butt had wrought. It was repairable, no damage to the underwear, but enough to need a couple of wipes and a good cleanse. I changed my underwear anyway. Take heed, people. Never gamble on a fart when you're sick. Even if the illness has nothing to with your bowels, just don't do it. You Are A Werewolf fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Mar 3, 2018 |
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Mar 3, 2018 01:56
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Do girls fart? My wife doesn't. I think she stores them up for the winter or something.
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Mar 3, 2018 02:16
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You Are A Elf posted:I admit I sharted yesterday. Several years ago, my fiancee got really sick with some kinda severe stomach bug. She was throwing up constantly, to the point I actually took her to an immediate care place. Then a couple days later, she was clear but I came down with the same symptoms. While I was laying on the couch with the shakes and sniffles, she leaned down to me and very seriously said, "Listen, if you feel bloated and gassy, go to the bathroom. It isn't a fart, trust me." I woke up in the middle of the night with that bloated, gassy feeling and tried to let loose the wind and had to immediately clench because I knew I had gambled poorly. Like you, I was lucky enough to have not defiled my clothing but needed some clean up. The human gut is fickle indeed
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Mar 3, 2018 03:06
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RaceBannon posted:Do girls fart? Sever.
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Mar 3, 2018 05:54
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RaceBannon posted:Do girls fart? Oh yes. My ex-wife was a little thing. 5' 2" and 115lbs. She'd come home from work, plop down face first with her stomach on the ground right after she walked through the door and let loose. She was a receptionist so she held them all day until lucky me I was able to deal with it.
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Mar 3, 2018 06:13
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I once sharted while using the ticket machine of a metro station in Paris. I was ill and had been letting off toxic clouds all morning (one of those ubiquitous African tat sellers told me to GO FAR AWAY for standing next to his stall and polluting the air), but eventually it all got too much. Overcome with fever, I just let it all out. It was the most revolting smell followed by a hot, hot trickle down my leg. I washed myself off in the train toilet and threw my dirty trousers and underwear out of the train window in a feverish haze. I then went to Brussels, got really drunk and did the exact same thing while walking back to my hotel.
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Mar 5, 2018 01:26
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RaceBannon posted:More fart stories please. No joke, my best friend can't burp. It's weird!
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Mar 5, 2018 03:22
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I had training classes all weekend for hand to hand stuff, and last night we went out after class for wings pizza and beer This morning around 10am I feel the gurgle while we are doing handcuffing, instead of fumigating a small room full of people I have to work with all the time, I decided to crack the door open and stick my rear end into the hall I didn't bother looking into the hall of course first, and from the class room windows everyone could see an old lady walking past just as I ripped rear end
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Mar 5, 2018 03:37
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Blue On Blue posted:I had training classes all weekend for hand to hand stuff, and last night we went out after class for wings pizza and beer Did she survive?
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Mar 5, 2018 04:07
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Skypie posted:Did she survive? I'm not sure, I just closed the door and went back into the room I think she just glared down my back
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Mar 5, 2018 04:17
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When I was about 13 one of the neighbor kids came over to play basketball with my brother and I. He cut across the yard so we didn't see him until he was about 20ft away. Hey guys, what's up? Not much just gonna shoot some... *huge, long cheek-rippling fart that sounded exactly like a horse whinnying*The laughing hurt so much we never even played basketball. It was a new way to play H.O.R.S.E., that's for sure.
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Mar 5, 2018 04:39
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Blue On Blue posted:I didn't bother looking into the hall of course first, and from the class room windows everyone could see an old lady walking past just as I ripped rear end Even if you look around carefully before blowing the butt trumpet, there's always going to be someone there the second the gates are breached. It always happens in the store, and it never fails. "Uh oh, gotta fart!" *checks entire section of store going up and down aisles to make sure no one will be gassed* "Good, no one is around." *PPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRPPPPTTTHHHHHHHH!!!* *turns around to see a family or elderly couple frozen with fear as their nostrils dilate and their pupils roll to the back of their heads*
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Mar 5, 2018 04:53
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went to amsterdam once couldn't find anyplace doing breakfast early so i bought a small tub of potato salad at a grocery store and ate it on the train to the airport. dusted crops hard at the airport security line.
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Mar 5, 2018 05:08
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If you want to fart in the morning just roll over in bed as you are waking up. Never loving fails you will get the biggest farts of the day knocked out as you are waking up. Who needs coffee when you can wake up laughing at some very explosive and powerful farts?
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Mar 5, 2018 05:11
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I farted the other day and I swear it smelt like bbq chips. Anyway I thought of this thread.
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Mar 5, 2018 08:04
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during sexual intercourse with girlfriend, i gave her a simethicone because she complain of gas. it was fun she fart all over my penis.
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Mar 5, 2018 10:10
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Happy Landfill posted:I farted the other day and I swear it smelt like bbq chips. Anyway I thought of this thread. You should repeat the experiment.
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Mar 5, 2018 13:23
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handbandit posted:Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with IBS for most of my life, but I don’t understand how people can’t tell which ones are a safe bet or which ones require caution. There's a general rule I go by after having my gal bladder removed: Never trust a fart.
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Mar 5, 2018 14:14
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I'm currently sitting in someone else's office, and I am ripping them non stop. My hope is that I will have tainted the desk chair so thoroughly that when he comes in tomorrow, there will be the faintest whiff of poo gas in the air
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Mar 5, 2018 16:18
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I accidentally sent a friend the "Brap" copypasta
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Mar 5, 2018 16:28
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Skypie posted:I'm currently sitting in someone else's office, and I am ripping them non stop. My hope is that I will have tainted the desk chair so thoroughly that when he comes in tomorrow, there will be the faintest whiff of poo gas in the air Because of this thread, I initially read that as "making GBS threads in someone else's office" and didn't think anything of it.
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Mar 5, 2018 16:35
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Papa Emeritus III posted:Because of this thread, I initially read that as "making GBS threads in someone else's office" and didn't think anything of it. Please, Emeritus, this may be GBS but I still have some decency left. 
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Mar 5, 2018 16:41
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I don't.  !I'm surprised no one else tried the shower trick.
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Mar 5, 2018 16:50
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I just haven't had to fart in the shower. Also I just cleaned all the tile and the tub so I don't wanna defile anything
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Mar 5, 2018 16:52
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opie posted:We told my 8 year old to stop farting at the dinner table because the smell wasn’t so great, so now she’ll quickly get up and run to the living room corner in an obvious squat and the biggest grin you ever saw. This is adorable. Blue On Blue posted:I knew a kid in highschool that had a special talent I had a cabin mate at summer camp who did the same thing. She was this super girly, southern Belle too, which made it more awesome because girls aren't supposed to fart. She requested that we not mention it in front of her mom during parents' weekend. She learned it from her dad. Edit : was this kid super slender, because my cabin mate was and I think something about that allowed for the sucking in of air around her. Like, you would hear this tiny inverted fart, followed by the real fart. And repeat Infinitely. My autocorrect keeps trying to change "fart" to "Gary". Bored fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Mar 5, 2018 |
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Mar 5, 2018 21:01
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Papa Emeritus III posted:I don't. Ok, Emeritus. Are you ready for this? Let me preface by saying that the insulation in our apartment is great. I never hear our neighbors, it's always quiet. Except the bathroom. I think we have a shared shower wall because occasionally I can faintly hear someone on the other side. Sometimes it's talking, or music or a phone ringing. So after work I faintly hear the shower on the other side running. I get into the shower and feel the build up. "Ok fine, I'll do it." Stuck the ol bum to the shower tile and rip. It's like the horn of Gondor or something. A good lil chuckle but then Then I hear from the other side "What the gently caress was that!"
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Mar 6, 2018 00:45
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Was on top of Mt. Teton, 10k+ feet in altitude. You could tell the air was a little thin. It was June, and 50 degrees, so the snowdrifts were only about 8 feet deep. Walking around with my son, he was about 7, at the time. We were messing around, having snowball fights in June, that sort of thing. He started goofing, walking really close to me... and he knelt down. And I farted. And he started gagging, "OMG IT WENT IN MY MOUTH!" It was pretty damned funny.
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Mar 6, 2018 01:32
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One year in high school I managed to crop dust the stairwell while going to class. Like, I started farting on the second step and didn't let up until I got to the second floor. There was some short girl behind me too, so I think she got a faceful the entire way. Then senior year, I had to fart one day while my friends and I were bullshitting in a circle. I casually moved to stand next to the fattest friend in the group and farted. As soon as the smell hit everyone blamed him and he looked like he was about to cry.
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Mar 6, 2018 02:37
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At work I'm known for having particularly potent farts. I'm #2 in the fart olympics at work. So a co-worker got a new car, and we asked if he wanted to drive us all to get lunch. A normal person would say yes. They want to show off the car. He REFUSED to let me into his car because he didn't want me to fart on the seats and ruin the car. I busted his chops a little. He was so upset at the thought of me ruining his car, he left work for the day.
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Mar 6, 2018 02:43
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I’m super-immature, clearly, because my boyfriend can tell whenever I check this thread because I start giggling. I can’t help it; farting is funny. Not my story, but it fits the spirit of the thread: Police Interrogation Shut Down By Suspect’s Farts https://www.thecut.com/2017/11/police-interrogation-shut-down-by-suspects-farts.html The best line: quote:In his report about the interview, the detective wrote that when asked about his address, “Mr. Sykes leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering with the address.”
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Mar 6, 2018 02:57
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 12:47 |
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poo poo he got away scot free and was caught later with a stolen gun. drat dude. You got lucky. Don't push it a second time.
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Mar 6, 2018 03:00
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