|
Does it seem like a good idea to “live off the last month’s paycheck” so to speak, now that we can? Just put all the money for the month’s budget into they checking accounts at the beginning of the month, then put paychecks straight into savings? It seems like that helps keep track of how much we have for the month, rather than saying “can we put that off until next paycheck?” Not sure if I can get my wife on board with her savings account obsession, that will be the challenge. Maybe if I frame it how I said above.
|
#
?
Mar 12, 2018 19:39
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 20:27 |
|
|
Just account for all of the money regardless of the location and the headache will go away
|
|
#
?
Mar 12, 2018 19:49
|
|
|
I’m probably being stupid, but I don’t get what you mean. Could you rephrase?
|
|
#
?
Mar 12, 2018 20:26
|
|
|
When you're doing your budget a month ahead you're planning out your money. It's different than when you first start because when you first start you're tracking where the money was spent because you didn't have enough to plan for it. IE, there's 100 dollars in the account, I have a gas bill of 50 dollars so i'll spend 50 of the 100. Now all you have to do is say i have 10k in the account, i guess next month 80 dollars of it is going toward gas, so i shouldn't spend that 80. you're not physically taking the money out of one account, you're just writing down what you think everything will cost next month. Then you can get around whatever shinanigans your wife does by saying that you're planning what you would do with the money in case of the emergency she talks about.
|
|
#
?
Mar 12, 2018 20:42
|
|
|
That makes sense, I think. We’ve been trying to budget like that, but I still have to strategize what bills we pay what paycheck and that sort of thing. And it’s harder to think in terms of months when money comes in every two weeks. I’m viewing a house tonight. For anyone who knows Colorado’s Front Range, it’s in Longmont, so it’s halfway between my work in Denver, our family in Fort Collins, and other family in Boulder. It will be a bit more expensive and we’ll need a roommate, but it will save five hours a week and 60 miles a day. And the gas/maintenance costs associated with 1300 miles a month. It’s also a way nicer place, not underground.
|
|
#
?
Mar 12, 2018 23:04
|
|
|
Live closest to your work. You are driving there and back 200+ times a year. This is one of the only ways you can buy free time
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 15:44
|
|
|
The place was way smaller than it looked in the Craigslist posting. We barely would have been able to fit our queen bed and dressers into the master bedroom, and you could barely fit a twin bed and dresser into either of the smaller bedrooms. We’ll have to keep looking. It’s a shame, the place was nice in terms of looks, good yard, good garage, good location, but just too small.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 16:13
|
|
|
lampey posted:Live closest to your work. You are driving there and back 200+ times a year. This is one of the only ways you can buy free time  It's both a money savings(because you're driving less, meaning you're spending less on gas and maintenance) and a mental health savings(people are consistently happier the less they have to commute). Ideally you'd get the closest liveable place to work you can fit in your budget. Google maps says it's only about an hour from Denver to Fort Collins, and 35-ish minutes from Denver to Boulder. That sort of distance makes much more sense for family visits(which you're presumably not making every day) than daily commutes. 22 Eargesplitten posted:That makes sense, I think. We’ve been trying to budget like that, but I still have to strategize what bills we pay what paycheck and that sort of thing. And it’s harder to think in terms of months when money comes in every two weeks. Your eventual goal is to have enough of a buffer(as in, it shouldn't get anywhere near zero at any point during the month) in your checking account that you don't have to care when your paycheck comes in, much less strategize what you pay when. Thinking of things in terms of monthly income/spending is useful here, because it helps keep the big picture in mind so you can start building that buffer. Thinking paycheck by paycheck makes most people spend their time fixing whatever problem pops up that instant at the expense of future stability.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 18:41
|
|
|
Haifisch posted:Your eventual goal is to have enough of a buffer(as in, it shouldn't get anywhere near zero at any point during the month) in your checking account that you don't have to care when your paycheck comes in, much less strategize what you pay when. Thinking of things in terms of monthly income/spending is useful here, because it helps keep the big picture in mind so you can start building that buffer. Thinking paycheck by paycheck makes most people spend their time fixing whatever problem pops up that instant at the expense of future stability. I believe that. I hate having to keep track paycheck by paycheck, pull out of savings for that paycheck and then oh no we owe hundreds to savings we have to pay back and have to last two weeks on a different amount every single paycheck. We also have doctors/therapists in Fort Collins we want to be reasonably close to. And with how much mental health trouble she has, being able to head back to get support from her family easily is important. She’s also terrified of interstate driving, which is a pain in the rear end. I’ve told her it’s proven to be safer than driving on surface streets because you don’t have to deal with cross traffic, but it doesn’t help. Then again we get more than one traffic fatality per day on this interstate because drivers are terrible, so she might have some justification there. Prices are kind of a balancing act. Traffic once you get very far into the Denver Metro area is terrifying, and the cheaper areas are way more dangerous than we’re used to, where most of the crime is vandalism, bike theft, and date rape at college parties (not that that isn’t terrible, but we aren’t in college). As you get closer to work prices get higher, so there’s definitely a point where it would be more expensive even after travel savings. It’s possible to find cheaper places up on the north end, near where I get off the interstate, but a lot are still more expensive.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 19:18
|
|
|
Found a room in a large modular home with another couple for about $850 per month depending on utilities. About the same place, maybe 5 minutes farther from the interstate, probably less. Going to check that out soon, hopefully. That would be $240 a month less than we are currently paying while cutting travel in half, and they sound like people we could get along with pretty well. E: actually it includes utilities, so $725, $345 less than we currently pay. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Mar 13, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 21:38
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:I’m viewing a house tonight. For anyone who knows Colorado’s Front Range, it’s in Longmont
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 22:44
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:We’ll have to keep looking. It’s a shame, the place was nice in terms of looks, good yard, good garage, good location, but just too small. I'm always amazed at how relative "too small" is country by country. Any time I look at average American homes, they just seem palatial to me. The thought of having to clean and maintain anything bigger than a 90sqm (~1000sqft) home gives me a headache. Granted my frame of reference is HK, NYC and Sydney... So is it too small as in "we can't fit all our stuff" or too small as in "we'd be constantly living in each other's laps"? To me, the most important consideration is whether you each have your own space you can retreat to if you just want to be alone, how often you're home and where you spend your time when you are home. My husband and I lived in a studio apartment in Manhattan and it was great. Living with that little space meant we didn't accumulate a lot of stuff and while we did cook a lot and entertained occasionally, most of the time we went out and just came home to sleep. In Sydney, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment with a baby. Space is tight but more because we haven't really thought out how to use the space well and we're in the process of rearranging. If it is "we can't fit all our stuff", how much "stuff" do you guys actually have, and how much of it do you actually use? It's really surprising what we hang on to "just in case" we might need it one day or because we paid some money for it long ago.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 23:02
|
|
|
moana posted:That's where Mr. Money Mustache lives, right? Yeah, actually. Because living near Boulder is so frugal. He could seriously be living in a mansion in the UP with a loaded luxury car for the same price as his lifestyle in Colorado. The place was 1100 square feet, but that seems generous. We would barely be able to fit our mattress and dressers in the master bedroom, let alone any bookshelves or her vanity or anything. The smaller bedrooms could maybe fit a twin mattress and dresser. The living room would maybe fit the couch, chairs, and TV. Maybe. Kitchen was tiny. Our 900sqft 2 bedroom we had a couple years ago was more spacious if you took out one of the bedrooms.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2018 23:09
|
|
|
1100 sq ft sounds like plenty to me for a couple (I think we're in about that much space right now but as a family of 3), but maybe you guys have a lot of stuff or hobbies that take up more room.22 Eargesplitten posted:Yeah, actually. Because living near Boulder is so frugal. He could seriously be living in a mansion in the UP with a loaded luxury car for the same price as his lifestyle in Colorado. Cicero fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 00:18
|
|
|
That would have been quite a while ago. Boulder really started booming maybe 5-8 years ago, but it’s been pretty drat expensive for a long time. Then again, I think Longmont’s gentrification may be more recent. The place would have been with a roommate, not just the two of us.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 00:23
|
|
|
It's like his article about commuting in the Longmont area was written specifically for you! https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/06/the-true-cost-of-commuting/
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 02:05
|
|
|
Must be my frame of reference, as 1100 sqft still sounds very spacious to me even with 3-4 adults! You sort of but didn't really answer my question about how much stuff you guys have and how much you actually use. I'm asking as reflecting on this can give you a lot of illuminating insights into your beliefs about money and spending it. If you visualize all your belongings as piles of cash, what do you see? A few large piles (small quantity of carefully chosen high quality items), lots of tiny piles (large quantity of cheap "bargains") or something else? Which things do you get the most utility out of? That could mean things that are frequently used or things that give you a lot of benefits every time you use it. Sometimes doing this leads to unexpected insights. Like the fact that the $100 kitchen trolley regularly generates grief in the form of clutter and daily collisions while the $600 heater is a life saver in winter. Yeah, I got rid of the trolley and have stopped constantly berating myself for I thought was an extravagant and borderline wasteful impulse purchase at the time.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 02:17
|
|
|
Square Peg posted:It's like his article about commuting in the Longmont area was written specifically for you! Wow, that's amazing how closely that lines up. On the other hand, like in most things, he has no perspective into what it's like for people who don't work from home. There is no biking distance around my work unless you're suicidal or want to make some pretty huge detours. He suggests living somewhere that both people can bike to work. In my case (for now) that's simplified by me being the only one who bikes. On the other hand, a lot of couples don't have jobs that close together, especially not when his argument includes the idea that 40 minutes each way is too much. If you're not biking like an rear end in a top hat blowing through red lights constantly that's something like 4-5 miles, accounting for the Denver area being made up of tons of hills. On top of that, good jobs and expensive housing go hand in hand. It's actually an epidemic all over the (northern half of) this state that a huge fraction of workers commute between cities because the pay in a given city isn't enough to live in that city for a lot of people. Here's the first result for the average rent for a 1 bedroom apartment in Broomfield: https://www.rentcafe.com/average-rent-market-trends/us/co/broomfield/ $1369 before utilities. Presumably higher for apartments that allow pets. Some areas east and slightly southeast are a bit cheaper, but pickings are slim everywhere for something that allows pets and has a yard without getting above 1400 per month, which feels like too much on a take home of about $4,000 per month with an average of $800-1,000 of routine medical costs. Not including stuff on the other side of the metro area which would be 1.5-2hr heart attack inducing commutes. Leng: We have some stuff we don't really use, but it's stuff that we used in the last place we lived, now we just don't have the living space to use it. Our TV, for example. No room to fit it in the terribly shaped living room, so it's in our bedroom but we never watch TV in bed. Because of that, the sofa and chairs in the living room are mostly used by our pets. The last place we lived, all of that stuff was used because we had the room to use it. We could probably do without the dining room table, we never eat at the table except for romantic dinners. I know 1,100 feet sounds like plenty, but it really was smaller than it sounds. I wouldn't be surprised if it was less than that. We had a 900-950 square foot townhome before we lived here that we shared with a roommate. It felt way more spacious. Maybe it was just the way it was laid out, too.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 06:56
|
|
|
Couldn't your wife get a job doing something easy like retail / food service wherever you move to that would help cover the rent? You've listed off a bunch of crap that you could definitely get rid of if you moved to a smaller place - hell sell it to fund a deposit.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 07:18
|
|
|
n8r posted:Couldn't your wife get a job doing something easy like retail / food service wherever you move to that would help cover the rent? You've listed off a bunch of crap that you could definitely get rid of if you moved to a smaller place - hell sell it to fund a deposit. I am gonna guess no. Based on the OPs posting in here and the IT thread he has a zuarg like aversion to making the sort of changes people are suggesting he makes. His wife won’t get a job, it’s a nonstarter. She does some side jobs painting and that’s what she can handle. They need a bunch of space because “reasons, I think they get in fights otherwise(I mean I _really_ doubt he’s having guests that often) If I was in his shoes I’d get rid of a car, move within biking or walking distance of work(and future jobs) and downsize. You need a one bedroom max and based on your posts I think splitting a house with another couple is going to end in tears. The other direction I’d go in was still getting rid of a car and moving towards transit. To be blunt your wife doesn’t work you don’t both need cars. And in either case I am sure that Denver has a few docs that might work well if you tried them out. What I am hearing as a theme are a bunch of reasons why you can’t do anything that will move you forward, and alongside that the commute you are on is killing you. Going from an hour and a half to 30-45 mins would be better, but commute time reductions are exponential, so going to sub 20 mins would be such a massive improvement in QoL. I am so insistent on this because I used to do the hour and a half thing to save cash and it burned me out so bad that my work suffered, whereas my 20 min non driving no commute makes my life and work so much better.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 08:08
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:Leng: We have some stuff we don't really use, but it's stuff that we used in the last place we lived, now we just don't have the living space to use it. Our TV, for example. No room to fit it in the terribly shaped living room, so it's in our bedroom but we never watch TV in bed. Because of that, the sofa and chairs in the living room are mostly used by our pets. The last place we lived, all of that stuff was used because we had the room to use it. We could probably do without the dining room table, we never eat at the table except for romantic dinners. It could be the layout - if it's badly designed, the space will be inefficient and tricky to use well. Sometimes it is a matter of knowing how to use it though (or simply that the stuff you have doesn't fit the space). Have you thought about changing over some of your larger items to items that have storage/can collapse/expand as needed/are multi-purpose? We swapped over our couch and coffee table for a different couch and a large ottoman because the new items both have storage. I am never going back to furniture without storage ever again. On stuff: I'm pressing you on this point because I think you've said in the past that it's really easy for you to go from "I need to save money" to "I'm going to buy <thing>" and your answers so far have been coming across as somewhat evasive. One of your previous posts mentioned that you were going to sell off a bunch of old (hobby related?) things that have just been lying around. I forget how long you've been in your current place as you've talked about moving for a long time. Do you actually miss using all that stuff you just listed? And not having the space to use that stuff, what have you substituted instead? Take the TV for example. If you used to watch TV but now you don't, what have you been doing instead? And is that a better use of your time? And the sofa/chairs - if your pets are the only ones using them, what are you guys/guests using? Do you have company over a lot? And if you don't right now (because of space), have you had company over a lot in the past? Or do you just like the idea of having company over (someday)? n8r posted:You've listed off a bunch of crap that you could definitely get rid of if you moved to a smaller place - hell sell it to fund a deposit. This here is why I asked you to visualize all your belongings as piles of money. If you are not using your sofa/chairs/TV, that is effectively money sitting idle that could be put to better use. They have done studies on clutter and found that it affects your brain. Clearing out things will free up some cash as well as help with feeling like a space is too small. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/12-surprising-ways-clutter-is-ruining-your-life-infographic_us_59160aace4b02d6199b2eee5 freeasinbeer posted:They need a bunch of space because “reasons, I think they get in fights otherwise(I mean I _really_ doubt he’s having guests that often) To be fair, no matter how good your relationship is, sometimes you need a break from each other, even if both individuals are perfectly well-adjusted adults with no ongoing mental health issues. Whether or not you can make this happen in a 1 bedroom place depends a lot on what everyone does to chill out. If she's working on her art (and her studio is at home but not in the bedroom) and he likes to code in his spare time (and his coding rig is at home but not in the bedroom), they won't be able to get away from each other inside their home. On that note though, where do you and your wife spend most of your time at home, OP? And could you get that "space" from each other elsewhere? Like going to the gym maybe? Or a local library? I'm trying to think of indoor options since you've got Real Winter to deal with! Also I went back and skimmed your posts again and you mentioned you had a roommate before. How did that go? What is your track record like with house sharing?
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 16:01
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:Wow, that's amazing how closely that lines up. On the other hand, like in most things, he has no perspective into what it's like for people who don't work from home. There is no biking distance around my work unless you're suicidal or want to make some pretty huge detours. He suggests living somewhere that both people can bike to work. In my case (for now) that's simplified by me being the only one who bikes. On the other hand, a lot of couples don't have jobs that close together, especially not when his argument includes the idea that 40 minutes each way is too much. If you're not biking like an rear end in a top hat blowing through red lights constantly that's something like 4-5 miles, accounting for the Denver area being made up of tons of hills. On top of that, good jobs and expensive housing go hand in hand. It's actually an epidemic all over the (northern half of) this state that a huge fraction of workers commute between cities because the pay in a given city isn't enough to live in that city for a lot of people. https://www.redfin.com/blog/2016/05/top-10-most-bikeable-downtowns.html Denver is the fourth most bikeable downtown in the country. Though for the hills and whatnot I'd recommend getting a cheap electric bike, since those exist now. Something like this maybe, or even cheaper if you go the craigslist route. As for the rest of your post, you might have to do without a yard, but I was able to find lots of affordable apartments near parks that allow dogs in Denver, even some in Broomfield. Is that where you work, or were you just trying to find the most expensive place in Denver to rent? You also definitely don't need 2 cars if only one of you works. Cars are way more expensive than just their gas and insurance, they are almost always the "emergencies" that the emergency fund ends up going towards. Cars are a money black hole and sitting in one for hours a day is bad for your physical and mental health (unless you're one of those rare people who likes commuting, in which case it's only bad for you physically I guess). Square Peg fucked around with this message at 16:07 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 16:05
|
|
|
My wife is starting Order Up soon, and she’s applied at a pottery store like she used to work at as a teenager. Of course, that goes away when we move. I just haven’t mentioned it because I didn’t want to jinx it. Fake edit: she just called and said she has an interview Monday. I’m really worried it won’t work out, but it’s worth a try. I would really like a 2 bedroom, or at least 1 with an office, so I can work from home when necessary. That wouldn’t work with that place I mentioned, but the price is definitely right. If I were to end up getting a new WFH job, an office would obviously be essential, but that hasn’t happened yet. Sharing an apartment was fine, except the guy was really messy, including making the toilets mold from his sugar-addicted diabetic piss. Which is really loving gross. There really isn’t any public transportation in our current town, and if she’s driving Order Up she obviously needs a car. When we move, we’ll have better public transportation, but she’ll need to be able to drive back home. We’ve established good relationships with our doctors and my wife’s therapist in Fort Collins over the past ~5-10 years, so I would really prefer not to have to build that up again while enduring the difficulties of moving to a different city. We probably could sell the TV since all we use it for is occasional winter bed-bound TV watching and slightly less occasional video games. We might even be able to hook up my wife’s monitor for the latter. We might be able to sell the furniture as well. Some of it is inherited from her grandmother, though. Her super sentimental mother might want it. I still need to fix my guitar case and sell my guitar and amp. I sold a suit, but no luck selling my shoes yet. I think that covers everything that was said. I work in Broomfield, there’s a big business park type area. I would have to be paid in yachts to work downtown, unless they paid for a transit pass and were right near a bus stop. Traffic once you actually get inside Denver is terrifying, I would never commute down there. Plus it’s extremely congested, I could take as long driving across Denver as coming from Fort Collins. Broomfield is far from the most expensive area. Look up Greenwood Village. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 16:30 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 16:26
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:
I'm not going to bash the idea, I'm just going to ask for a business case. What will it take to make a profit?
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 16:46
|
|
|
This is off the cuff right now. I’m planning on keeping an eye on things to make sure it works out. Gas expenses in particular. Gas is $2.40 (it will probably be less). Her normal mileage is about 26 in town. Let’s drop that to 15 since mileage is worse doing delivery from my experience. Oil is about $30 every 5k miles. There’s maintenance every 30k miles too. Not sure how much spark plugs would be on this car, and air filter is about $15. Serpentine belt is a botch, but the shop messed up some work and replaced it just a few thousand miles ago. She had a good amount of work done recently, I’ll need to see when timing belt and water pump are due. Shouldn’t be any time soon, she’s at 50k miles. Her car is a ‘99 Escort, so there’s barely any value to depreciate. It’s very unlikely we get over the standard deduction with her mileage, insurance, and phone expenses (since the latter are percentage based). Let’s ballpark 100 miles in a night (probably a bit high from my experience). That’s $16 in gas, 60 cents in oil. Tax rate should be about 28%. I get about 20% withheld on my W2 job, and there’s another 7.5% in FICA for self-employment. So break even would be $23 per night, on the high end. My experience doing 4 hour pizza delivery shifts was $40-50 in tips on a good-ish night, and that was with downtime rather than constant deliveries. I don’t know how much commission on fees is. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 17:28 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:21
|
|
|
If she is scared of driving and doesn't do well with situations out of her comfort zone what the gently caress is she doing delivering poo poo as part of the retarded Gig Economy?
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:29
|
|
|
She hates driving on the interstate, not on surface roads. Gig economy let’s her pick her own schedule so she won’t get fired for dropping shifts on days where she can’t even make herself get out of her chair. That’s my concern about the W2 job at the pottery shop. I’m hoping that her enjoyment of that kind of job (she loved both places she worked before), working with an old friend, her obsession with adding to savings, and working someplace that consistently closes at 5 will outweigh that. Of course that doesn’t solve the problem of us moving hopefully soon.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:33
|
|
|
Whos idea was this?
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:40
|
|
|
Both were hers. She hates how little she makes off of her art. I forgot to ask last night: I know generally rent burdened is over 30% of gross including utilities. However, that generally doesn’t assume our medical expenses. How should I figure out a new number? 30% of gross is $1625, IIRC. That seems like way too much for our situation. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 17:57 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:47
|
|
|
I don't think it's financially the best move but if it gets her or of the house and making money I'm going to have a hard time arguing the benefits to get mental health and yours too
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:57
|
|
|
Yeah, it’s definitely not ideal, but it’s what she can reasonably do. And like I said, the car is barely worth anything anyway. Depreciation would be next to nothing, and it’s low enough miles the repair bills aren’t going to rack up too much aside from probably some rubber parts that have just dried out with age. I made an edit to my previous post asking for advice about how to handle rent budgeting.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 17:58
|
|
|
So your willing to commute an hour and a half each way but traffic in the city turns you off? What’s the max time that would take realistically? Are you just one of those folks that can’t stand cities? If so that’s fine, but I am trying to reframe how silly this sounds to me. I guess I might be more willing to suggest radical changes because it’s not my life. But it seems like there are a ton of caveats why you can’t for anything people suggest that would help. Re WFH, or a remote job. In your current job how often do you WFH? Is it worth needing a 3 bedroom? I guess I see some disconnect where on one hand your willing to split a place and get significantly less room, but if it’s on your all’s own you have this incredibly expensive wish list. And re remote chat, cross that bridge when you actually get one don’t optimize for that naw, and at that point when you have it you can look at moving to the middle of no where.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 19:01
|
|
|
freeasinbeer posted:So your willing to commute an hour and a half each way but traffic in the city turns you off? What’s the max time that would take realistically? From the cheaper areas to work, it’s about an hour and a half of terrifying and frequently stop and go traffic. Driving in central Denver literally gives me a headache from the stress, particularly at rush hour. People are constantly cutting you off without even using their turn signals, weave through traffic as fast as they can, tailgate 3 feet behind you, it’s awful. Mid afternoon or mid morning it’s not so bad. If I found someplace near my normal route to work it’s way better, 15-20 minutes of smooth traffic. But again, it’s slim pickings finding anything that allows pets and has a yard (our dog is old and needs to make frequent yard visits). I’m really not a city person, I’m only moving down here because that’s where the jobs are. The job market where I currently live isn’t great, and most of what’s available is mid to senior level. As a college town there’s a huge applicant pool for junior stuff, and the market just isn’t big enough to overcome that. I’m currently not allowed to WFH unless it’s dangerous weather because I don’t have an area I can shut off from the rest of the apartment to work away from the dog, cat, and my wife. Otherwise I could WFH when sick, or if I have to run home to calm my wife down in a crisis I could work from home once she’s better. I used to be able to do that, but my work quality wasn’t good enough. Basically unless I’m extremely lucky and found something affordable in Broomfield or the Boulder suburbs north of it, Longmont is 15 minutes more than the best case scenario of something near my interstate exit. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 19:18
|
|
|
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that a non-gig, schedule based job would probably be good for your wife. Getting forced to get outta bed to go to your job even when you feel terrible is a good thing for most/all people. Regular work can force people into a regular routine which I think most people benefit from. It really seems like some of the choices you're making may be enabling your wife's preferences to just stay in bed when she feels bad. Are there chances that you can get a job closer to home? Are you doing much in the way of job searching - jumping to a new job is the best way to increase your salary.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 19:27
|
|
|
As someone who had a remote job and can wfh now, even a separate room doesn’t make that magically better. A door may keep animals out but SOs can open them. That’s a whole other can of worms that you need to work out. I also think it’s extra silly to worry about if your current place isn’t going to let you WFH anyways based on your past performance. I really don’t seem them acquiescing to a repeat of that again when you just got off your PIP. I mean this all maybe moot, you have gotten your money somewhat under control. But I swear I saw something about you quitting because of unhappiness at commute.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 19:27
|
|
|
Her last schedule based job just ended up with her calling in sick constantly. Like, she worked 3 days a week, 3 hours a day, she called in at least once a week. I think part of the problem is that we can survive on my salary, her income will just be extra for savings and debt. So her losing her job doesn’t have any serious immediate repercussions. I took two sick days total over the 11 months of my first job after moving out. One was a pretty gross thing that meant I couldn’t drive around, the other was chest pains that just turned out to be heartburn from working 12 in, 2 off while also having just started school again. I’ve considered applying for other jobs, but I hate the idea. It might end up being the best decision, but I like the company I work for, I like my team, I like my hardass manager, and the benefits are absolutely fantastic. But really it might end up being the right choice. My main problem is I haven’t gotten the skills I was supposed to be getting. I got put on another project that was supposed to end about five months ago and is just wrapping up this month. Depending on what the plan is for me over the next 6 months - year, I might be looking somewhere else just based on that. My boss has said that if I get a dedicated office space with an ergonomically satisfactory setup (read: desk and office chair rather than kitchen table and chair) I can start doing WFH again, but he’ll be keeping a close eye on my performance. My performance initially went way downhill when I was basically panicking due to what I didn’t realize were a bunch of impossible deadlines I kept blowing. I kept sending out flawed work for review when he wanted me to be checking my work more rather than the other people on the project. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 19:50 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 19:47
|
|
|
Dude no offense but this relationship is unhealthy as poo poo. Like, you basically are acting as one huge enabler to her and letting her not only not really contribute to the household in a meaningful way, but on top of that she in essence is dictating things that directly affect you. This sounds like a serious case of learned helplessness - and I don't know what the solution to that is. I had an ex who was like that and no matter what I did or how I approached it, nothing ever changed and as long as I was bringing in enough to support us (Which I HAD to, since there was no money really coming in from them.) and I ended up growing really resentful over the course of a couple years until I had to bail. This is something you directly need to figure out and soon though, as has been pointed out, money is the #1 cause of divorce. Also, most people I know just lie on the WFH application regarding if they have a space dedicated to work and I've never heard of anyone having a problem with it unless they have a crazy spouse or a dog that never stops barking. If you are confident you can do your work from home I don't see how that should be an issue.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 20:00
|
|
|
We’re unhealthy as poo poo in general. Like, mentally. That makes a healthy relationship even harder. I’m currently trying to get her to read The Total Money Makeover along with me. Someone said that Ramsey is financial methadone, and while I don’t disagree and the  in me hates how his plan isn’t mathematically optimal, having a definite plan to follow from someone who has a good track record will hopefully help us get on the same page (no pun intended). We may want a larger E-Fund than his $1k to start out since we have such huge medical expenses, though.I’m not going to lie to my current boss about a WFH space. I respect him too much, and he absolutely abhors lying so if I were to get caught there’s a decent chance I would get outright fired, and if I didn’t I would be on I am notice. It does o both ways, I’ve been able to ask him very pointed and direct questions that a lot of bosses would either evade or get offended by and get a straight answer. It’s also true that I won’t get nearly as much done sitting next to my wife as she’s watching Grey’s Anatomy and wanting to talk to me about stuff. I remind her that I’m effectively not there when I’m working from home, but it takes several reminders and I still have to deal with her noise since there’s nowhere for me to go to get away from it. That’s actually one thing I love about my current job. My manager has no qualms about telling people who outrank him to gently caress off (more politely) if they try to do something that will hurt one of his employees. Unrealistic deadlines, unplanned change requests, complaints about them doing their job correctly in a way that inconveniences a VP, whatever. He’s in a position where he can easily survive being fired, and he would be very difficult to replace. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Mar 14, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 20:18
|
|
|
Lol at asking someone in there spectrum to lie
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 20:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 20:27 |
|
|
Actually I have no problem lying. I mean, I feel like I should, but I don’t.
|
|
#
?
Mar 14, 2018 20:35
|
|