Trump IV: THE NEEDLE BESTOWS IT'S GLORY UPON OUR UNWORTHY VESSELS OF FLESH

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Trump IV: THE NEEDLE BESTOWS IT'S GLORY UPON OUR UNWORTHY VESSELS OF FLESH

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Minenfeld!: Aug 21, 2012

Alter Ego posted:

I know. I did that on purpose. Calm your tits.

I'm triggered.

Edit: crap, dog tax.

Minenfeld! fucked around with this message at 02:34 on Mar 13, 2018

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:30

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 06:49

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Minenfeld! posted:

I'm triggered.

Save it up for the next time people can't seem to keep the spelling of "woman"/"women" straight :v:

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:30

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

Mustached Demon posted:

Oh Satan we're in for another night of the needle of doom aren't we?

The needle demands a sacrifice

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:31

Crow Jane: Oct 18, 2012; nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Alter Ego posted:

I expect Fox will be popping champagne bottles and sucking Trump off all week, but who gives a poo poo.

How is that any different from usual? Seriously, have they ever criticised him in any way? I don't have cable and I'm genuinely curious.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:31

Fritz Coldcockin: Nov 7, 2005

Crow Jane posted:

How is that any different from usual? Seriously, have they ever criticised him in any way? I don't have cable and I'm genuinely curious.

Only when Shep Smith is on.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:31

Carlosologist: Oct 13, 2013; Revelry in the Dark

needle watch 2018 will be ridiculous but amazing

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:35

Crow Jane: Oct 18, 2012; nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Carlosologist posted:

needle watch 2018 will be ridiculous but amazing

Oh god, I almost forgot about the needle of destiny

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:36

Mustached Demon: Nov 12, 2016

Crow Jane posted:

Oh god, I almost forgot about the needle of destiny

Blessed is the needle. Never forget the power it holds.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:37

Wark Say: Feb 22, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

Neurolimal posted:

I'l never understand Hollywood's obsession with making sure the guy is taller than any women in the same shot

It's actually surprisingly common in real life too. There's this one lady who's fairly tall (she's around if not slightly taller than my daughter, 5'9'' or so) from a local band that I swear, every single loving time I tell her that I'm gonna go to one of her shows or clinics, she has to be wearing the most ridiculous, Spice-Girls-esque platform high heel boots. Like, I've dropped at several places she was hanging out unannounced and it's like she loathes my very existence because, with me in the room, now all of a sudden she's not the tallest person in the room.

Koalas March posted:

Ugh Cracked has been getting so much better. I like Dan O'Brien a lot too. I wonder if they need writers. 😂😂😭

I still think you need to start with the workshop forums / be e-famous at least?

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:39

Crain: Jun 27, 2007; I had a beer once with Stephen Miller and now I like him.

I also tried to ban someone from a Discord for pointing out what an unrelenting shithead I am! I'm even dumb enough to think it worked!

Crow Jane posted:

Oh god, I almost forgot about the needle of destiny

I wanna make my own needle and just ~~make a shrine to it and give it gifts to appease the vote gods~~ not make a needle and continue being a sane person.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:39

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

cracked was genius for hiring seanbaby.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:40

Johnny Bravo: Jan 19, 2011

https://mobile.twitter.com/RusEmbUSA/status/973356374318092288

This is normal

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:41

Crain: Jun 27, 2007; I had a beer once with Stephen Miller and now I like him.

I also tried to ban someone from a Discord for pointing out what an unrelenting shithead I am! I'm even dumb enough to think it worked!

Wark Say posted:

I still think you need to start with the workshop forums / be e-famous at least?

Yeah submitting stuff on the forums, or jumping on the "Articles we were working on but the writer hosed off" pitches is the still how it works.

Plus they killed the video section of the site, and apparently gutted the personal experience section.

KM: You should just DM Cody on twitter (or wherever) directly instead of loving with Cracked right now.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:41

Paracaidas: Sep 24, 2016; Consistently Tedious!

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

buckle up

https://twitter.com/Nate_Cohn/status/973242440101527552?s=20

While I understand turnoutskew is a part of literally all useful polling, but I'd be really hesitant in a district that's 94% white.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:42

Slow News Day: Jul 4, 2007

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

buckle up

https://twitter.com/Nate_Cohn/status/973242440101527552?s=20

Yeah, we discussed this earlier today. Things are looking good for tomorrow, although I like to keep my expectations low and be surprised, instead of the other way around.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:42

Dapper_Swindler: Feb 14, 2012; Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Alter Ego posted:

I just...what did House Republicans think this would accomplish? Did they think it was magically going to make everything go away? That Robert Mueller would just abandon ship?

That article is just mind-bending. They didn't do anything they should have done. They literally just closed up shop and went "NO COLLUSION, WALLA!"

because the House GOP is full of dumb fucks who actualy believe that kinda of poo poo. its a mix of magical thinking and sweeping the issue under the carpet.

Mustached Demon posted:

Oh Satan we're in for another night of the needle of doom aren't we?

possibly. sacone is nutjob idiot who ran a terrible loving campaign as is hanging onto trumps coat tails. something that any sane candidate would not do, seeing as how loving hated trump is.

TulliusCicero posted:

Devin Nunes: galaxy brain is completely in on all of this, and just continues to make it super obvious whenever Mueller would like to come for him.

Remember; Nunes also wants to open investigations into the intelligence community and the deep state, because he is the idiot king of mentally impaired shills for Trump in Congress.

my honest guess is the house is gonna try to open a investigation into clinton now. because they are that loving dumb.

Alter Ego posted:

...which they would have done anyway. The MAGAchuds have already declared Trump innocent of all charges; this isn't going to change their argument.

sure but i think part of it is to have cover "well we looked at it and didnt find anything, so how could we know it was that bad" type poo poo.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:42

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Mustached Demon posted:

Blessed is the needle. Never forget the power it holds.

Needle vs orb. Who wins?

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:49

Charlz Guybon: Nov 16, 2010

Bugsy posted:

https://twitter.com/david_j_roth/status/973242561035997190

poo poo, he said something I agree with.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:52

DiggityDoink: Dec 9, 2007

Your Taint posted:

Needle vs orb. Who wins?

The orb's power is puny compared to the mighty needle.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:52

Crow Jane: Oct 18, 2012; nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Your Taint posted:

Needle vs orb. Who wins?

Needle punctures orb

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:55

Mustached Demon: Nov 12, 2016

Crow Jane posted:

Needle punctures orb

Came to post this.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 02:56

Shifty Pony: Dec 28, 2004; Up ta somethin'

Your Taint posted:

Needle vs orb. Who wins?

The orb controls what is now.

The needle dictates what is to come.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:04

Crabtree: Oct 17, 2012; ARRRGH! Get that wallet out!
Everybody: Lowtax in a Pickle!
Pickle! Pickle! Pickle! Pickle!; Dinosaur Gum

The Orb and its Twin are merely the balls of the Mighty Needle.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:06

Neurolimal: Nov 3, 2012

Bugsy posted:

https://twitter.com/david_j_roth/status/973242561035997190

trump would be endearing if he wasn't also a pathological liar and all-around terrible person

like if that tweet was the only thing you knew about Trump you'd totally be smiling and nodding

e: oh huh that open tab was 10 pages ago

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:09

Dinosaurtrain: Mar 7, 2018; by R. Guyovich

Has it been mentioned that David Clarke is having an affair?

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:09

Admiral: Dec 14, 2000; If you see this man, slap him in the nuts for me.

Where can I find the needle? I thought I knew, but I don't!

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:10

Crow Jane: Oct 18, 2012; nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Admiral posted:

Where can I find the needle? I thought I knew, but I don't!

Look inside your heart. There's a little needle inside everyone, guiding our lives.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:11

Crain: Jun 27, 2007; I had a beer once with Stephen Miller and now I like him.

I also tried to ban someone from a Discord for pointing out what an unrelenting shithead I am! I'm even dumb enough to think it worked!

^^^gently caress you mines better^^^

Admiral posted:

Where can I find the needle? I thought I knew, but I don't!

The needle was inside us all this whole time.

Because America is shooting up literally and politically.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:12

ded redd: Aug 1, 2010; by Fluffdaddy

Dinosaurtrain posted:

Has it been mentioned that David Clarke is having an affair?

With a muslim woman, to boot.

Also getting divorced.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:12

Stereotype: Apr 24, 2010; College Slice

Trump is very relatable to almost all white people since he is basically nothing but flaws so you�ll always share one of your own with him.

I too ramble off and have stories that don�t go anywhere! What a relatable guy, that insane racist recluse billionaire.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:13

Data Graham: Dec 28, 2009; 📈📊🍪😋

Office Pig posted:

With a muslim woman, to boot.

Also getting divorced.

The loving writers on this show, man.

You gotta know when to say when

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:14

Neurolimal: Nov 3, 2012

Stereotype posted:

Trump is very relatable to almost all white people since he is basically nothing but flaws so youll always share one of your own with him.

I too ramble off and have stories that dont go anywhere! What a relatable guy, that insane racist recluse billionaire.

this is a very normal reaction to someone saying "this very terrible guy is cute when he gets lost on a tangent and starts ranting about bad commercials, shame he does all the other stuff as well"

those white guys and their aimless wandering

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:14

Crow Jane: Oct 18, 2012; nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Crain posted:

^^^gently caress you mines better^^^

The needle was inside us all this whole time.

Because America is shooting up literally and politically.

The needle doesn't have time for your negativity

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:14

Discount Dracula: Aug 15, 2003; Nap Ghost

Pakled posted:

He says he's too busy to read

https://www.washingtonpost.com/poli...0645_story.html

I mean, yknow, despite the fact that basically every other president we've ever had has read a lot. Donnie's just too busy.

I'm guessing he had a copy of Mein Kampf as an audio book and the copy next to his bed was for decoration.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:23

Shady Amish Terror: Oct 11, 2007; I'm not Amish by choice. 8(

Johnny Bravo posted:

https://mobile.twitter.com/RusEmbUSA/status/973356374318092288

This is normal

So the latest in the global Russian disinformation campaign is...their embassies posting hot takes on twitter? There was one from their UK embassy all but openly mocking them about the nerve gas attack too, right?

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:25

John Kasich: Feb 3, 2016; by Pragmatica

The Daily Beast posted:

EXCLUSIVE: Stormy Daniels� �Dad� on Trump: �He Would Call All the Time�

One of the four people listed in the porn star's NDA speaks out with new details about her alleged fling with the future president.

Stormy Daniels turned on the speakerphone when President Trump called.

So says Keith Munyan, one of the four people Stormy Daniels included in the non-disclosure agreement she signed with Donald Trump�s lawyer. Munyan confirmed critical elements of the alleged romantic tryst between the porn star and the future president, and added new details to a tawdry saga that has rocked the White House.

Munyan, a longtime friend of Daniels, remembers eavesdropping on a half-dozen phone calls between her and the future president.

�He would call all the time. That man can talk about nothing for hours,� Munyan told The Daily Beast in a phone call Monday.

Back in 2006, Trump was only a tabloid character turned reality TV star�and on these calls, he allegedly offered Daniels keys to a New York condo. When she declined, Trump proposed she move into his unfinished Trump Tower in Tampa, Florida.

Munyan said Trump also promised Daniels�who is suing him to quash a �hush agreement� over their alleged affair�a spot on �The Apprentice.�

A Los Angeles fashion photographer, Munyan befriended Daniels during a shoot in late 2005. The following summer, Daniels would meet and allegedly have �textbook generic� sex with Trump at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe.

Trump has denied Daniels� allegations of an affair.

Around this time, Munyan was in the process of moving, and Daniels rented out his house. The shutterbug continued using his studio on the property and spent time with Daniels, who broadcast her phone calls with her celebrity suitor.

�She would go, �Oh, look who�s calling me now,� and would put him on the phone,� Munyan recalled, adding that he and Daniels would sit and laugh.

�He was talking about giving her a condo in New York,� Munyan said. �She said, �I don�t want to move to New York.� That�s when she wanted to move to Florida.�

Munyan remembers silently raising his hand when he heard Trump�s offer: �I�m like, �Really?� I put my hand up. I�ll take it!�

According to Munyan, Trump promised to arrange for Daniels to view a condominium in Florida but she declined. The performer, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, would move to Tampa on her own three years later.

Trump was always polite to the adult actress and director, Munyan said. The �grab �em by the pussy� rhetoric was absent from what he overheard.

�She had very professional conversations with him,� Munyan added. �It was always about business and what her goals are.�

As The Daily Beast reported, Munyan was one of four people named in Daniels� nondisclosure agreement as having �confidential information� about the alleged tryst.

Also listed were Daniels� ex-husband, her manager and one fellow porn star named Angel Ryan. (Ryan was identified as Jessica Drake, who in October 2016 came forward to accuse Trump of sexual misconduct at the same Lake Tahoe event where he met Daniels.)

Munyan is like family to Daniels, whom she calls �Dad.�

�She�s got two gay dads now,� Munyan quipped, referring to his husband J.D. Barrale, who spoke to The Daily Beast in support of Daniels last week.

Trump and Daniels dined alone together throughout 2006, and he invited the porn star to see the Miss USA pageant in Hollywood, Munyan said. Munyan was home when Trump sent a limousine to pick Daniels up for the event.

But, eventually, the conversations about Trump faded and were long forgotten�until the 2016 presidential election.

Days before Americans voted, Daniels signed a nondisclosure agreement in exchange for $130,000 in hush money. The contract not only bought Daniels� silence, but ensured she fork over any text messages, images or other �property� that could relate to Trump.

Daniels now argues this agreement is invalid because Trump never signed it, and because Trump�s attorney and fixer, Michael Cohen, allegedly breached their contract by speaking publicly about the payout.

On Monday, the porn star offered to return the money she received from Cohen, in return for nullifying their confidential settlement.

�I just remember her calling me and saying she signed the nondisclosure agreement,� Munyan told The Daily Beast, adding, �She told me that I was on it.�

�The reason Stormy signed the NDA was to protect her family,� Munyan said. �She signed it because she felt intimidated.� (Daniels� lawsuit claims Trump and Cohen �aggressively sought to silence [her] as part of an effort to avoid her telling the truth,� which could have cost Trump the election.)

Daniels spoke kindly of Trump back in 2006, Munyan said.

When asked what Daniels said of Trump, Munyan replied, �That he was actually a very brilliant man.�

�They had great conversations, not like he does now. He just wants to hear himself talk,� Munyan said. �They would sit down to a nice dinner, discuss business.�

�It�s probably because she drew that out of him.�

Munyan described Daniels as a very private person, who steps into the limelight when she dances on stage.

When they met, Daniels was looking for a photographer who wasn�t in the porn industry. Munyan took classic, pinup-style snapshots for her calendar.

�She�s very intelligent. She�s not your typical girl. She�s very smart and very articulate,� Munyan swooned over his friend. �Don�t let the blonde hair fool you. That girl�s smart.�

Daniels has a big heart, he said, especially for her horses. (Daniels is a nationally ranked equestrian, according to Rolling Stone.) Whenever she visits Munyan and his hubby, the three of them just sit at the dining table and laugh.

Munyan said most of all, Daniels is funny.

After one headline claimed she was bringing her dirty laundry on her strip club tour, she made an Instagram account called @Stormysbasket. The page features photos of Daniels� laundry basket including one where it�s apparently being interviewed by CNN�s Nick Valencia.

Last year, Daniels�s erotic romance, �Unbridled,� was released through porn studio Wicked Pictures. She directed and starred in the passion project as a �savvy New Yorker who returns to her Texas roots to save the family farm, only to run into her old beau in the process,� one industry magazine gushed.

Munyan says Daniels is seeking funding for a horror film she wrote; it�s set in the swamps of her native Louisiana.

Daniels is �not this cartoonish evil stripper porn star� that online trolls are making her out to be, said Munyan�s husband, J.D. Barrale.

Her �dads� continue to call and check in with Daniels on her �Make America Horny Again� strip club tour. On Monday, Barrale told The Daily Beast that Daniels is �doing the best she can with all that hate that�s coming at her.�

�She�s a very strong woman,� Barrale said. �She�s just trying to be as courageous as possible in front of a bunch of people who are not wanting this to come forward.�

He added, �She�s been trolled by so many people. I think once people got to know who she is, they�d see she�s quite a wonderful gal.�

https://www.thedailybeast.com/stormy-daniels-dad-on-trump-he-would-call-all-the-time/

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:25

Mustached Demon: Nov 12, 2016

Crain posted:

^^^gently caress you mines better^^^

The needle was inside us all this whole time.

Because America is shooting up literally and politically.

Wait I thought we were talking about dicks.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:27

Neurolimal: Nov 3, 2012

quote:

According to Munyan, Trump promised to arrange for Daniels to view a condominium in Florida but she declined. The performer, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, would move to Tampa on her own three years later.

Trump was always polite to the adult actress and director, Munyan said. The grab em by the pussy rhetoric was absent from what he overheard.

She had very professional conversations with him, Munyan added. It was always about business and what her goals are.

This kind of plays into the whole "Trump is a sad old man desperate for friends and people to talk to" theory. That or Trump feels uncomfortable having sex with people that he doesnt have a dad-daughter relationship with.

The part where she says that Trump intimidated her into signing the NDA could be pretty big, but that seems like a questionable detail when the majority of her lawsuit hinges on Trump not being aware of the arrangement and never signing off on it.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:30

Uglycat: Dec 4, 2000; MORE INDISPUTABLE PROOF I AM BAD AT POSTING
---------------->

OhDearGodNo posted:

Why do people keep thinking there hasn�t been proof of collusion?

When Don Jr. posted emails where it was said �hi we are from Russia and have dirt on Hillary� and he replied with �I love it� followed by an in-person meeting is collusion.

Just because they claim nothing came of it doesn�t change the fact that there was collusion. It�s just not a crime.

Remember also Nixon didn�t know about the Watergate break-in until after the fact. He was nailed for the cover up and obstruction, not the crime.

Still no proof Cambridge analytica provided persona management software to the internet research agency for use in the translation project. But I guess nobody's saying that's what happened yet.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:30

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 06:49

Jealous Cow: Apr 4, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

That reads like damage control from Trump camp.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:30

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Trump IV: THE NEEDLE BESTOWS IT'S GLORY UPON OUR UNWORTHY VESSELS OF FLESH

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