BSS Movie Thread (And The Stupenderful Articulation Of Substandard Speculation)

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > BSS Movie Thread (And The Stupenderful Articulation Of Substandard Speculation)

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Chill Penguin: Jan 10, 2004; you know korky buchek?

SlimGoodbody posted:

I was once assistant to a producer and got the chance to do a pitch for the biopic of a turn of the century industrialist candy mogul. I wrote a well researched story pitch that built a layered narrative about the dude and his life and family, as well as a historical bible of the topic over a sleepless weekend (unpaid), only to be told "Oh, we actually want to do something completely different now." I was then given charge to write a "scriptment" for a lighthearted kids adventure movie based around the candy property and its adjacent history. Scriptments are like 10 page treatments of a movie that broadly outline characters, stakes, arc, set pieces, etc. It's basically like describing a movie you just saw to a friend over beers.

The producer I was working for said he wanted something "like The Goonies," so (over another sleepless, unpaid weekend) I wrote something very much in the vein of The Goonies; a squad of archetypal, uniquely talented kid characters coming together in defiance of adults to solve a bunch of puzzles of varying complexity and lethality in order to defeat a greedy scumbag villain and discover a MacGuffin that would change their fortunes and the fortunes of their families. I was honestly pretty proud of what I wrote at the time (it was yeeears ago at this point). I turned it over and find out the producer didn't like it at all. Like literally disliked every point I just mentioned above, and when his direct assistant (who loved it) said "but it's exactly what you wanted, it's very similar to The Goonies," the producer admitted he had never seen The Goonies.

He gave the materials to another producer friend who did a nearly complete teardown of the story I wrote and did an incoherent rewrite where the protagonist kid spends most of the time hanging out with the horrifically scarred ghost of a kid who died in a house fire that was based on a totally unrelated movie idea he had and it was... it was insane trash. It was a lunatic cokehead's idea of what constitutes a movie people would take their children to. It was about that time that I realized I needed to get the gently caress out of that job and L.A. in general for a while.

edit: this wasn't even for a story I really gave much of a poo poo about; it was some stupid licensed property that shouldn't be a movie anyway. I can only imagine how bad it would be for something you really put your heart and soul into.

I dunno, "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, but he's friends with Casper and Wonka is evil" kinda sounds like it could work

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:14

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# ? May 12, 2024 14:51

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

The Johnny depp Willy wonka movie was poo poo so i guess it's a blessing in disguise you didn't have your name on it

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:39

SlimGoodbody: Oct 20, 2003

Chill Penguin posted:

I dunno, "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, but he's friends with Casper and Wonka is evil" kinda sounds like it could work

It totally could! But probably not with the graphically mutilated floating child corpse he demanded be present in nearly every scene.

edit: it's been like a decade, my NDA has surely lapsed. It was for an Oscar-bait biopic of Milton S. Hershey sponsored by the Hershey company (I think perhaps partially as an image rehab for them being in trouble for, I don't know, using Colombian slave labor to pick cocoa beans probably) that was then mutated into a """Goonies""" style adventure through Hershey Park and the town of Hershey, PA that taught the kids/viewers all kinds of super cool neat inspirational facts about the founder and company and products

I mean if anything I'm glad that it never went anywhere and that my name isn't on it because I'm vociferously anticapitalist now and would be embarrassed in front of all my extremely online socialist friends

SlimGoodbody fucked around with this message at 05:51 on Mar 18, 2018

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:47

Chill Penguin: Jan 10, 2004; you know korky buchek?

Bro how else do you represent casper's trailing off lower half in a photorealistic way?

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:52

SlimGoodbody: Oct 20, 2003

Chill Penguin posted:

Bro how else do you represent casper's trailing off lower half in a photorealistic way?

I've... never considered that before

oh no

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:53

Aphrodite: Jun 27, 2006

So you don�t want a Saga movie?

# ? Mar 18, 2018 05:58

SlimGoodbody: Oct 20, 2003

Aphrodite posted:

So you don�t want a Saga movie?

An R-rated Saga would absolutely own. A G-rated Saga would uhhh be uhhh

# ? Mar 18, 2018 06:11

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Please let Infinity War end with the snap and a quick cameo of all the Netflix guys disappearing.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 06:57

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

Jon bernthal and Mike colter can stay

# ? Mar 18, 2018 07:13

The Question IRL: Jun 8, 2013; Only two contestants left! Here is Doom's chance for revenge...

Can Thanos not snap his fingers and just make Ironfrist and Jessica Jones Season 2 go away? Or alter reality so that they were good?

# ? Mar 18, 2018 09:33

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

Thanos only wants the gauntlet so he can give the best hugs

# ? Mar 18, 2018 10:22

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

I'd still like to see a Plastic Man movie done in the style of a comedy. Have him embracing his celebrity and endorsing stuff, going on talk shows, touring or having a reality show and then just sort of getting sucked into crime fighting due to public pressure and because he's the only person that can handle whatever threat the bad guy represents.

I think it'd be a lot of fun and something a little different.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 13:46

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

The exact same thing, but Booster Gold. Also, he's the reason why the villain is the villain.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 16:31

Open Marriage Night: Sep 18, 2009; "Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

SlimGoodbody posted:

It totally could! But probably not with the graphically mutilated floating child corpse he demanded be present in nearly every scene.

edit: it's been like a decade, my NDA has surely lapsed. It was for an Oscar-bait biopic of Milton S. Hershey sponsored by the Hershey company (I think perhaps partially as an image rehab for them being in trouble for, I don't know, using Colombian slave labor to pick cocoa beans probably) that was then mutated into a """Goonies""" style adventure through Hershey Park and the town of Hershey, PA that taught the kids/viewers all kinds of super cool neat inspirational facts about the founder and company and products

I mean if anything I'm glad that it never went anywhere and that my name isn't on it because I'm vociferously anticapitalist now and would be embarrassed in front of all my extremely online socialist friends

What really sunk it was the ending with Hershey beating a mentally challenged child to death while crying.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 17:29

SlimGoodbody: Oct 20, 2003

Open Marriage Night posted:

What really sunk it was the ending with Hershey beating a mentally challenged child to death while crying.

That was the one part of the script I demanded be kept, to which he was amenable.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 18:13

Ojjeorago: Sep 21, 2008; I had a dream, too. It wasn't pleasant, though ... I dreamt I was a moron...; Gary’s Answer

Open Marriage Night posted:

What really sunk it was the ending with Hershey beating a mentally challenged child to death while crying.

That's how he became the ghost.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 18:20

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

Just wanted to mention that the last few Slim Goodbody posts remind me very much of the Story Break podcast, which is pretty good if you like hearing how fake movie sausage is made.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 19:39

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

We were watching Clueless today so now I can say I've seen Ant-Man and the WASP.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 20:22

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

site posted:

Jon bernthal and Mike colter can stay

Jon Bernthal can move up to the drat movies. I would love to see him as an anti-villain in the next spider man.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 21:08

Barry Convex: Sep 1, 2005; Think of the good things, Pim! The good things!

Like Jesus, candy, and crackerjacks! Ice cream and cake and lots o'laffs!
Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Joe! Larry, Curly, and brother Moe!

Hoo boy, I just saw A Wrinkle in Time and it was not good at all. Not just in ways attributable to this particular script or these particular actors, but in ways that leave me with very little confidence in DuVernay's ability to direct a CG-heavy, effects-driven film.

Maybe she'll do better on the second try, I guess?

# ? Mar 18, 2018 23:27

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Jon Bernthal can move up to the drat movies. I would love to see him as an anti-villain in the next spider man.

I'm not sure anything from the edgy as gently caress Netflix Universe could move up to the upbeat MCU, much less the Punisher with the Spider-man.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 23:32

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

Samuringa posted:

the edgy as gently caress Netflix Universe

Of all the words to describe the Netflix MCU shows, edgy is probably the least applicable

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:00

twistedmentat: Nov 21, 2003; Its my party
and I'll die if
I want to

Thanos can at least cause a proper Hellcat to happen.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:06

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

They're not even that grim anymore. Iron Fist sank that boat.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:07

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

Of all the words to describe the Netflix MCU shows, edgy is probably the least applicable

We're considering mixing a movie that was essentially a teen comedy with a series that had this

https://i.imgur.com/s6p72pj.mp4

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:14

Sgt. Politeness: Sep 29, 2003; I've seen shit you people wouldn't believe. Cop cars on fire off the shoulder of I-94. I watched search lights glitter in the dark near the Ambassador Bridge. All those moments will be lost in time, like piss in the drain. Time to retch.

Hey, I agree that tonally mixing Punisher(Netflix) and Spider-Man(Homecoming) is hard sell but I believe Marvel can do anything.

He'd make my poor adorable Peter cry though.

Edit: obviously they won't mix the MCU and Netflix for reasons.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:25

Super Dan: Jan 26, 2006

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Jon Bernthal can move up to the drat movies. I would love to see him as an anti-villain in the next spider man.

If anyone's crossing over from Netflix to the movies, I'd much rather see the Kingpin.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:28

Jamesman: Nov 19, 2004; "First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"; Fun Shoe

Super Dan posted:

If anyone's crossing over from Netflix to the movies, I'd much rather see the Kingpin.

I'm imagining a Batman v Superman type situation. Like, Spider-Man getting involved with Kingpin and trying to stop his crimes, but something happens and people die, and it looks like Spider-Man is at fault. A certain newspaper starts labeling him as a dangerous menace, and all this coverage draws the attention of Frank who decides to hunt down Spider-Man. Kingpin uses this and keeps manipulating things to keep Spider-Man tangled up with Frank and out of his affairs.

Frank gets the better of Spider-Man in a fight and is prepared to kill him, but unmasks him first and is shocked to see a kid who would be about Frank Jr's age. They then team up to stop Kingpin using a combination of quips and explosions.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 01:01

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

As a bloodied Peter lays on the ground he whispers

_Martha

# ? Mar 19, 2018 01:09

Jamesman: Nov 19, 2004; "First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"; Fun Shoe

site posted:

As a bloodied Peter lays on the ground he whispers

_Martha

Well, Peter's mother is Mary and Frank's wife is Maria.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 01:17

SonicRulez: Aug 6, 2013; GOTTA GO FIST

Cap in an episode of Daredevil in exchange for Luke hanging with T'Challa.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 01:22

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I dunno, I'd rather see Peter Parker with Jessica Jones for contrast.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 02:44

BrianWilly: Apr 24, 2007; There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

Of all the possibilities, I think it's most likely for Luke Cage to appear in a Black Panther sequel at some point.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 06:48

Rhyno: Mar 22, 2003; Can't post for 10 years!

BrianWilly posted:

Of all the possibilities, I think it's most likely for Luke Cage to appear in a Black Panther sequel at some point.

Because they're both black?

racist

# ? Mar 19, 2018 06:51

BrianWilly: Apr 24, 2007; There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

Wait, they're black?? :stonk:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 07:11

Sentinel Red: Nov 13, 2007; Style > Content.

Watched Ragnarok. It was...okay? Looked amazing, sounded amazing, Valk owned but on the whole I felt rather let down, it came across rather hollow considering the stakes involved. It seemed like it wanted to channel the delirious lunacy of Flash Gordon but without its sincerity. And it wasted Skurge (not exactly a surprise).

Still, I loved �Odin� s �oh poo poo�, any of the scenes with the brothers, the oft prepeated �you�re a people, not a place� thing, and I could look at every angle of that frisbee ship all day.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 11:14

Jamesman: Nov 19, 2004; "First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"; Fun Shoe

Sentinel Red posted:

Watched Ragnarok. It was...okay? Looked amazing, sounded amazing, Valk owned but on the whole I felt rather let down, it came across rather hollow considering the stakes involved. It seemed like it wanted to channel the delirious lunacy of Flash Gordon but without its sincerity. And it wasted Skurge (not exactly a surprise).

Still, I loved �Odin� s �oh poo poo�, any of the scenes with the brothers, the oft prepeated �you�re a people, not a place� thing, and I could look at every angle of that frisbee ship all day.

It's a fairly shallow movie that went for humor at the cost of storytelling. I enjoyed it a lot when I watched it, but after thinking about it, I felt the same way you did.

The worst is the early parts of the movie where they breeze past so much stuff.

"Hey I know you're Loki. Where's dad?"
-"He's on Earth. Let's go."
"Wait, he's not where you left him? Surely this will lead to a silly little arc where we hang out on Earth for a bit and try to find him, and you get accustomed to hanging out around the same people you tried to kill in an alien invasion. poo poo, remember that?"

"LOL nope. Hi I'm Dr. Strange. Lemme just send you to your dad. Bye! See you in Infinity War!"

"Hey guys it's me Odin. Welp, time to die. Oh yeah, you have a sister and she's going to appear now."

"Hi guys I'm Hela. Here on Earth. Kind of a big deal but not really. Hey lemme just break that hammer and hitch a ride back to Asgard since I can show up on Earth but couldn't just head back to Asgard without any help. Woulda been neat if I could, what with Odin dead and you guys not there to stop me. Anyway, you guys get to meet Jeff Goldblum now!"

And then the movie actually begins.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 11:38

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

every single marvel movie is fairly shallow. The ones who try to deal with heavy themes fail, imo

so I vastly prefer the ones where adventure + humor + action is priority. That's why Guardians of the galaxy 1/2 and Thor 3 are my favs

# ? Mar 19, 2018 11:41

McCloud: Oct 27, 2005

I said it before, but it's really a Guardians movie with the serial number filed off. It feels like two different movies smooshed together, with a fun exciting space adventure and a dreary family fantasy drama stitched together, and only the space part is interesting.

It's doubly jarring because you have one scene when Thor is in space being wacky, then it goes back to Asgard and it's a somber mood. But it doesn't have any weight to it. Hela arrives, murders the warriors 3, and no one bats an eye? That's kinda strange. It's like everytime it tried to do "serious" it fell flat on its face.

Then it goes back to Jeff Goldblum melting a guy and it's treated as a gag.

It's by far the best looking marvel movie though, absolutely gorgeous, and a major step up visually from anything else in Marvel, but I definitely feel it needed some harmonizing between it's two elements.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 11:46

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# ? May 12, 2024 14:51

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

McCloud posted:

Hela arrives, murders the warriors 3, and no one bats an eye?

I heard Thor did.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 12:07

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > BSS Movie Thread (And The Stupenderful Articulation Of Substandard Speculation)

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