Post itt every time you lol that trump is president

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Post itt every time you lol that trump is president

Waffle House: Oct 27, 2004; You follow the path
fitting into an infinite pattern.

Yours to manipulate, to destroy and rebuild.

Now, in the quantum moment
before the closure
when all become one.

One moment left.
One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are Destiny.

Facebook quietly announced (through one of its least-followed CTOs) on the 16th that it was suspending its relationship with Cambridge Analytica, and SCL, now that the money's made and the damage is done.

https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2018/03/suspending-cambridge-analytica/

Something something private firm harvested personal information of Facebook users something something we swear it's only 50 million of you but they had 230 million people's information.

You probably can guess what their PR Statement says before you read it:

quote:

March 16, 2018

Suspending Cambridge Analytica and SCL Group from Facebook
By Paul Grewal, VP & Deputy General Counsel

Update on March 17, 2018, 9:50 AM: The claim that this is a data breach is completely false. Aleksandr Kogan requested and gained access to information from users who chose to sign up to his app, and everyone involved gave their consent. People knowingly provided their information, no systems were infiltrated, and no passwords or sensitive pieces of information were stolen or hacked.

Originally published on March 16, 2018:

We are suspending Strategic Communication Laboratories (SCL), including their political data analytics firm, Cambridge Analytica, from Facebook. Given the public prominence of this organization, we want to take a moment to explain how we came to this decision and why.

We Maintain Strict Standards and Policies

Protecting people�s information is at the heart of everything we do, and we require the same from people who operate apps on Facebook. In 2015, we learned that a psychology professor at the University of Cambridge named Dr. Aleksandr Kogan lied to us and violated our Platform Policies by passing data from an app that was using Facebook Login to SCL/Cambridge Analytica, a firm that does political, government and military work around the globe. He also passed that data to Christopher Wylie of Eunoia Technologies, Inc.

Like all app developers, Kogan requested and gained access to information from people after they chose to download his app. His app, �thisisyourdigitallife,� offered a personality prediction, and billed itself on Facebook as �a research app used by psychologists.� Approximately 270,000 people downloaded the app. In so doing, they gave their consent for Kogan to access information such as the city they set on their profile, or content they had liked, as well as more limited information about friends who had their privacy settings set to allow it.

Although Kogan gained access to this information in a legitimate way and through the proper channels that governed all developers on Facebook at that time, he did not subsequently abide by our rules. By passing information on to a third party, including SCL/Cambridge Analytica and Christopher Wylie of Eunoia Technologies, he violated our platform policies. When we learned of this violation in 2015, we removed his app from Facebook and demanded certifications from Kogan and all parties he had given data to that the information had been destroyed. Cambridge Analytica, Kogan and Wylie all certified to us that they destroyed the data.

Breaking the Rules Leads to Suspension (lol suspension wow)

Several days ago, we received reports that, contrary to the certifications we were given, not all data was deleted. We are moving aggressively to determine the accuracy of these claims. If true, this is another unacceptable violation of trust and the commitments they made. We are suspending SCL/Cambridge Analytica, Wylie and Kogan from Facebook, pending further information.

We are committed to vigorously enforcing our policies to protect people�s information. We will take whatever steps are required to see that this happens. We will take legal action if necessary to hold them responsible and accountable for any unlawful behavior.

How Things Have Changed

We are constantly working to improve the safety and experience of everyone on Facebook. In the past five years, we have made significant improvements in our ability to detect and prevent violations by app developers. Now all apps requesting detailed user information go through our App Review process, which requires developers to justify the data they�re looking to collect and how they�re going to use it � before they�re allowed to even ask people for it. In 2014, after hearing feedback from the Facebook community, we made an update to ensure that each person decides what information they want to share about themselves, including their friend list. This is just one of the many ways we give people the tools to control their experience. Before you decide to use an app, you can review the permissions the developer is requesting and choose which information to share. You can manage or revoke those permissions at any time. On an ongoing basis, we also do a variety of manual and automated checks to ensure compliance with our policies and a positive experience for users. These include steps such as random audits of existing apps along with the regular and proactive monitoring of the fastest growing apps.

We enforce our policies in a variety of ways � from working with developers to fix the problem, to suspending developers from our platform, to pursuing litigation.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 18:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 3, 2024 07:16

Kumo: Jul 31, 2004

friendbot2000 posted:

He just...skeeted it out.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:03

dads friend steve: Dec 24, 2004

do u know jenny posted:

https://twitter.com/Vlabsllc/status/975656802703593473

Thanks for the thoughtful response, extremely real person David Vee

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:05

Bardeh: Dec 2, 2004; Fun Shoe

After that Mueller tweet this morning someone snatched his phone out of his tiny little hands, didn't they

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:08

Mr Ice Cream Glove: Apr 22, 2007

All stock gains in 2018 have now been erased

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:20

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

I just am loving speechless

https://twitter.com/NRATV/status/975780984913186816?s=20

NRA being officially a Russian societal disorder/money laundering/vote purchasing mechanism gives me a little peace of mind, because it's not really people's beliefs. Problem is crazy motherfuckers buy into it whole heatedly.

Side note: went to auto parts store today and dude walking out was just open carry, pistol on hip like a goddamn cowboy, made me cringe hard.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:24

akiyba: Jan 28, 2009

How has he managed to not spurt out a tweet about Stormy? That's impressive.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:25

bag em and tag em: Nov 4, 2008

"We intentionally created a system to harvest vast vast vast amounts of personal data on every aspect of our users' lives with the specific intent to profit from it. How could we have possibly predicted a negative outcome? Totally won't happen again guys!"

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:25

Stoatbringer: Sep 15, 2004; naw, you love it you little ho-bot

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

All stock gains in 2018 have now been erased

Obama!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:25

Fellbat: Feb 23, 2014

So Lacroix is that dude from that Vampire the Masquerade video game, right?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:30

Blast of Confetti: Apr 21, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

LifeSunDeath posted:

NRA being officially a Russian societal disorder/money laundering/vote purchasing mechanism gives me a little peace of mind, because it's not really people's beliefs. Problem is crazy motherfuckers buy into it whole heatedly.

Side note: went to auto parts store today and dude walking out was just open carry, pistol on hip like a goddamn cowboy, made me cringe hard.

my mechanic open carries

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:30

flashy_mcflash: Feb 7, 2011

akiyba posted:

How has he managed to not spurt out a tweet about Stormy? That's impressive.

I'm gonna be so mad if someone takes his phone away and prevents him from live-tweeting next Sunday's 60 Minutes.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:31

Burning_Monk: Jan 11, 2005; Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to know

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

All stock gains in 2018 have now been erased

Before people start popping the proletariat champagne the market is still up 4,000 pts from this time last year.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:32

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

akiyba posted:

How has he managed to not spurt out a tweet about Stormy? That's impressive.

Because he's in love

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:33

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

Burning_Monk posted:

Before people start popping the proletariat champagne the market is still up 4,000 pts from this time last year.

I didn't pop champagne, I just maxed out my Roth IRA hoping that this is the lowest point.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:34

Mermaid Autopsy: Jun 9, 2001

LifeSunDeath posted:

NRA being officially a Russian societal disorder/money laundering/vote purchasing mechanism gives me a little peace of mind, because it's not really people's beliefs. Problem is crazy motherfuckers buy into it whole heatedly.

Side note: went to auto parts store today and dude walking out was just open carry, pistol on hip like a goddamn cowboy, made me cringe hard.

actually like 50% of America is that crazy

the whole Russian psyop thing is just a convenient fiction to hide the reality of mass popular delusion

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:35

pedrovay2003: Mar 17, 2013; Nothing says quality like a black eye and a moustache.; Fun Shoe

LifeSunDeath posted:

Side note: went to auto parts store today and dude walking out was just open carry, pistol on hip like a goddamn cowboy, made me cringe hard.

I saw that at a Utah Costco once. Mom and Dad open-carrying, with two really little kids walking around with them. What the hell.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:39

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:40

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Extra Large Marge posted:

I wish I had a pallet of LaCroix.

shallot*

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:41

Rough Lobster: May 27, 2009; Don't be such a squid, bro

akiyba posted:

How has he managed to not spurt out a tweet about Stormy? That's impressive.

Melania will loving kill him

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:42

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Nocheez posted:

hoping that this is the lowest point.

Ha haha hahaha Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:44

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

https://twitter.com/maggieNYT/status/975803929748561920

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:45

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

Nocheez posted:

I didn't pop champagne, I just maxed out my Roth IRA hoping that this is the lowest point.

i have bad news

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:51

DogonCrook: Apr 24, 2016; I think my 20 years as hurricane chaser might be a little relevant ive been through more hurricanws than moat shiitty newscasters

He is gonna combat the opiod epidemic using "very bad commercials" lol

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:51

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

1redflag posted:

Ha haha hahaha Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I had to do it before April 15th, seemed as good of a day as any.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:51

Clyde Radcliffe: Oct 19, 2014

akiyba posted:

How has he managed to not spurt out a tweet about Stormy? That's impressive.

Because Stormy would rip him a new rear end in a top hat? Tromp avoids hurling abuse at people who are likely to fling it back, and when they do he quickly retreats to another goodbrain topic.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:56

Neukoln19: Oct 27, 2005

I've always wondered what trump looks like right after he gets out of the shower. Like, what does his hair look like?

I bet it is a v sad sight.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:56

Kumo: Jul 31, 2004

https://www.channel4.com/news/cambr...s-investigation

Cambridge Analytica executives admit to using whores & bribery to entrap politicians.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:56

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

Kumo posted:

https://www.channel4.com/news/cambr...s-investigation

Cambridge Analytica executives admit to using whores & bribery to entrap politicians.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:57

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

https://twitter.com/ashleyfeinberg/status/975803507415638016

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:57

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Opioids: the crisis next door

We would build a wall to keep them next door, but up to 90 pounds of drugs can easily clear a 30 foot wall if kept in a burlap sack and flung by a mexican

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:00

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

The piss tape is real and the Mercers have a copy

https://twitter.com/AndrewKirell/status/975808742854930433

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:02

Teikanmi: Dec 16, 2006; by R. Guyovich

https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/975788017116790786

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:08

yellowD: Mar 7, 2007

my body can't handle Infrastructure Week

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:09

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Teikanmi posted:

https://twitter.com/RealJamesWoods/status/975788017116790786

Jaywalkers deserve death tbh.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:11

Smirr: Jun 28, 2012

I just had a quick sensible side-chuckle at the fact that Trump is the first president since Polk not to have any pets (though Andrew Johnson only "Fed white mice he found in his bedroom" ("name unknown", "number unknown")). His handlers probably considered getting him a dog at first but then realized that it would just end up mummified in a crawlspace somewhere after a week, somehow.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:13

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Smirr posted:

I just had a quick sensible side-chuckle at the fact that Trump is the first president since Polk not to have any pets (though Andrew Johnson only "Fed white mice he found in his bedroom" ("name unknown", "number unknown")). His handlers probably considered getting him a dog at first but then realized that it would just end up mummified in a crawlspace somewhere after a week, somehow.

What about Jared?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:14

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Smirr posted:

I just had a quick sensible side-chuckle at the fact that Trump is the first president since Polk not to have any pets (though Andrew Johnson only "Fed white mice he found in his bedroom" ("name unknown", "number unknown")). His handlers probably considered getting him a dog at first but then realized that it would just end up mummified in a crawlspace somewhere after a week, somehow.

Having an animal in the house is a liability with a Huckabee on staff.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:17

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

https://twitter.com/onlxn/status/975813462700957697

:crossarms:

These guys don't seem very smart, jfc

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:19

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 07:16

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Smirr posted:

I just had a quick sensible side-chuckle at the fact that Trump is the first president since Polk not to have any pets (though Andrew Johnson only "Fed white mice he found in his bedroom" ("name unknown", "number unknown")). His handlers probably considered getting him a dog at first but then realized that it would just end up mummified in a crawlspace somewhere after a week, somehow.

Future spergs are going to add whatever insects and parasites are found to be living in Trump�s folds and crevices during his autopsy to the wiki article on presidential pets

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:22

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