AliExpress: I CAN SHOW YOU SOME TRASH

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > AliExpress: I CAN SHOW YOU SOME TRASH

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

It's pretend, it's a gag gift, they just don't make a distinction between gold as in "made of Au" and gold as in "shiny yellow color"

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:14

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# ? May 22, 2024 11:48

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

Wasn�t there some counterfeit gold in the thread that had a plating and weighed the correct amount for gold? I saw some listing like that and the reviews mentioned selling it with no problems.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:24

Carecat: Apr 27, 2004; Buglord

Crusty Nutsack posted:

Wait what? They're selling $1300 worth of gold for $3, thinking (and the product saying) it's bronze?

From what I could find they do sell real bronze and gold bullion like this and the seller is just playing up the holy poo poo check out this gold angle. It does say gold plated + "metal" so they aren't trying very hard to scam you

# ? Mar 19, 2018 00:41

Kibbles n Shits: Apr 8, 2006; burgerpug.png; Fun Shoe

I want to buy a pile of the nazi gold, scatter it around my house, and go "boing boing boing! duh duhdhudhu!" as I pick it up.

edit: reference

Kibbles n Shits fucked around with this message at 01:39 on Mar 19, 2018

# ? Mar 19, 2018 01:37

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

I can�t imagine these plated bars have any legitimate use besides being used as film props and prop makers wouldn�t be ordering from AliExpress

Look what I found on AliExpress
http://s.aliexpress.com/F77ZfMzA

# ? Mar 19, 2018 02:12

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

I�m going to get an old treasure chest and fill it with bitcoins. http://s.aliexpress.com/QjUbyemI

I especially like the Silk Road ones.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 02:25

norp: Jan 20, 2004; TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP

let's invade New Zealand, they have oil

Snowy posted:

I can’t imagine these plated bars have any legitimate use besides being used as film props and prop makers wouldn’t be ordering from AliExpress

Look what I found on AliExpress
http://s.aliexpress.com/F77ZfMzA

A lot of stuff on AliExpress is the same poo poo that gets imported by the container load by retailers and other suppliers. If you were a small film maker you certainly would look places like AliExpress if you couldn't beg borrow steal locally from prop suppliers

# ? Mar 19, 2018 02:40

Spring Heeled Jack: Feb 25, 2007; If you can read this you can read

Carecat posted:

~~garbage~~ a legitimate product I have purchased

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/999-Gold-One-Troy-Ounce-Atlantis-Mint-24k-Pure-Gold-Bullion-Bar-with-Free-Capsule/32727594634.html

I am 100% sure this is real gold despite a troy ounce being $1300. They don't seem to have noticed that it's printed as "bronze" in several of the products which is actually about that price point

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g4tVo47lvdk

# ? Mar 19, 2018 03:09

Sex Robot: Jan 11, 2011; Nothing amazing happens here.
Everything is ordinary.

Carecat posted:

~~garbage~~ a legitimate product I have purchased

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/999-Gold-One-Troy-Ounce-Atlantis-Mint-24k-Pure-Gold-Bullion-Bar-with-Free-Capsule/32727594634.html

I am 100% sure this is real gold despite a troy ounce being $1300. They don't seem to have noticed that it's printed as "bronze" in several of the products which is actually about that price point

lol

# ? Mar 19, 2018 13:40

spog: Aug 7, 2004; It's your own bloody fault.

Snowy posted:

I can�t imagine these plated bars have any legitimate use besides being used as film props and prop makers wouldn�t be ordering from AliExpress

Look what I found on AliExpress
http://s.aliexpress.com/F77ZfMzA

They don't have any illegitimate uses either: no-one who knows gold is going to be fooled.

I bought a couple of bits as a novelty and I suppose I might make a keyring or similar.

I did have a vague plan of making them buried treasure for a game or hidden cache, then I realised that if someone found them, they might think they were real and get crushing disappointment when they discover their financial worries weren't over after all. Which isn't a fun game.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 13:55

r u ready to WALK: Sep 29, 2001

Personally I'm putting all my life savings into bitcoin

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1PC...2826588012.html

# ? Mar 19, 2018 14:19

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

I'd buy a stack of these in the under a dollar range.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 14:24

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

Goddamit there's so many bitcoin videos that I can't find that buttcoin rap some goon did.

E:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBfeLdjNVKY

By popular demand fucked around with this message at 14:31 on Mar 19, 2018

# ? Mar 19, 2018 14:27

A Pack of Kobolds: Mar 23, 2007

tater_salad posted:

I'd buy a stack of these in the under a dollar range.

I love reading the occasional news story where somebody scams a moron by selling them a physical bitcoin. These seem like they'd do the trick.

Also the anniversary sale is apparently in 9 days. Will the prices be artificially inflated to increase the perceived discount? Will coupon stacking work like it's supposed so? Who knows!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 16:35

The Hambulance: Apr 19, 2011; ASK ME ABOUT MY AWESOME STARTUP IDEA; Pillbug

I wanted a print of "Boy with Apple" from The Grand Budapest Hotel, just to have something fun. Available prints were just lovely screen-grabs from the movie. I shopped around looking for someone to paint it in the USA, but their prices were always far more than I was willing to pay for a joke.

AliExpress made it happen.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:45

mike12345: Jul 14, 2008; "Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."

The Hambulance posted:

I wanted a print of "Boy with Apple" from The Grand Budapest Hotel, just to have something fun. Available prints were just lovely screen-grabs from the movie. I shopped around looking for someone to paint it in the USA, but their prices were always far more than I was willing to pay for a joke.

AliExpress made it happen.

How much?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:07

spog: Aug 7, 2004; It's your own bloody fault.

The Hambulance posted:

I wanted a print of "Boy with Apple" from The Grand Budapest Hotel, just to have something fun. Available prints were just lovely screen-grabs from the movie. I shopped around looking for someone to paint it in the USA, but their prices were always far more than I was willing to pay for a joke.

AliExpress made it happen.

Now that's cool. Tell me all.

(I have been looking for a copy of the 'Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies' by Van Klomp for ages)

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:15

NoneMoreNegative: Jul 20, 2000; GOTH FASCISTIC
PAIN MASTER

shit wizard dad

The Hambulance posted:

�When I receive full payment I will paint out my watermark�

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:17

The Hambulance: Apr 19, 2011; ASK ME ABOUT MY AWESOME STARTUP IDEA; Pillbug

mike12345 posted:

How much?

$145 each for an 18 x 24 picture (I got one for another goon). Took about 4 weeks, but Chinese New Year was right in the middle. The company made me find an example I liked so they could get the colors right, and they posted a photo of the painting for my approval before it shipped. Came via DHL in a cardboard tube.

Prices in the States ranged from $450 to $700, so this was a bargain.

Edit: I�m trying to find the company so I can link

Edit 2: https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Custom-oil-painting-reproduction-famous-arts-handmade-painting-artwork-for-home-decoration/1782358421.html

Very easy to deal with.

The Hambulance fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Mar 19, 2018

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:26

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

Custom oil paintings are the best thing you can get on AE. You can even get something �simpler� like a degas for under a bill.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:43

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

A Pack of Kobolds posted:

Also the anniversary sale is apparently in 9 days. Will the prices be artificially inflated to increase the perceived discount? Will coupon stacking work like it's supposed so? Who knows!

Oh man you aren't joking. I had so much stuff in my cart that has always been like $1, is now $2, will go down to $1.75 for the sale. Brutal

# ? Mar 19, 2018 23:00

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

There used to be a site called something like customchinesepropaganda.com or something like that, and like you�d guess, they would paint your face into your choice of propaganda artwork.

I found this example I remember from the site

Since then I�ve wished I had ordered one, and that painting posted earlier made me check it out again. There�s a couple sites I�ve seen that do it, but they�re probably just middle men farming it out to aliexpress.

Some of them look pretty good

And some look a little lovely

So it�s probably a little bit of a crapshoot and also depends on really good reference that matches the look of the painting as closely as possible.

I�m keeping my eyes out for a good painter now, but if any of you find something especially good on AliExpress please :justpost:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 23:03

The Hambulance: Apr 19, 2011; ASK ME ABOUT MY AWESOME STARTUP IDEA; Pillbug

spog posted:

(I have been looking for a copy of the 'Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies' by Van Klomp for ages)

If you get it, please post!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 23:07

A Pack of Kobolds: Mar 23, 2007

Anne Whateley posted:

Oh man you aren't joking. I had so much stuff in my cart that has always been like $1, is now $2, will go down to $1.75 for the sale. Brutal

It seems to be 100% dependent on the seller's whims. I have gotten some genuine deals during previous sales, but it seems like there are five examples of pricing fuckery for every one bargain. It really helps if you have been watching the item's regular price fluctuations so you know what stuff is usually worth.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 23:50

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

A Pack of Kobolds posted:

It seems to be 100% dependent on the seller's whims. I have gotten some genuine deals during previous sales, but it seems like there are five examples of pricing fuckery for every one bargain. It really helps if you have been watching the item's regular price fluctuations so you know what stuff is usually worth.

It's easy because it's all actually worth nothing.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 00:41

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Anne Whateley posted:

Oh man you aren't joking. I had so much stuff in my cart that has always been like $1, is now $2, will go down to $1.75 for the sale. Brutal

I loaded my cart up last night for my first Ali buy and went to check out today and it was like gently caress-you-Christmas.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 02:25

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

Looking at custom oils paintings almost all of them are for paint-by-numbers on canvas. Who the gently caress does that? Ok, maybe it�s a good gag once in a while but it�s like 90% of the custom oil painting listings.

This one looks ok

http://s.aliexpress.com/iE3QfuuA

# ? Mar 20, 2018 04:33

Carecat: Apr 27, 2004; Buglord

My official Battldgrounes merchandise arrived.

It's way too big for a key ring which is what I expected but the quality is excellent,.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 12:46

Bummey: May 26, 2004; you are a filth wizard, friend only to the grumpig and the rattata

Carecat posted:

My official Battldgrounes merchandise arrived.

It's way too big for a key ring which is what I expected but the quality is excellent,.

I had no idea what thread I was in for a minute there.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 19:21

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Snowy posted:

Looking at custom oils paintings almost all of them are for paint-by-numbers on canvas. Who the gently caress does that? Ok, maybe it�s a good gag once in a while but it�s like 90% of the custom oil painting listings.

This one looks ok

http://s.aliexpress.com/iE3QfuuA

LOL, how big a choad is this guy?

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:13

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Well drat never thought I�d be a purveyor of art but it�s hard to resist that.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:52

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Facebook Aunt posted:

LOL, how big a choad is this guy?

Those other two examples are extremely shameful

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:55

Sharpest Crayon: Jul 16, 2009; Always Wag. Always Friend. Very Safety.; Clapping Larry

If you're like me, you like your bath scrub to be harsh. If you can't feel your skin peeling, it's not harsh enough.
I spent years trying to find a scrub that's hard enough, I even tried pan scrubbers. Cue these cheap nylon fuckers:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/WEC...0004520261.html

They are nothing like those soft nylon scrunchy netlike sponges that you might've seen that do an awesome foamy lather or whatever. No, these do one job and that job is to scrape off as much skin as possible without actually being a power tool. They feel incredible.
They're currently 2.17, will be 1.79 in the sale, both of those prices being less than I paid for them, so you can be sure you're saving pennies!

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:07

Bummey: May 26, 2004; you are a filth wizard, friend only to the grumpig and the rattata

Sharpest Crayon posted:

If you're like me, you like your bath scrub to be harsh. If you can't feel your skin peeling, it's not harsh enough.
I spent years trying to find a scrub that's hard enough, I even tried pan scrubbers. Cue these cheap nylon fuckers:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/WEC...0004520261.html

They are nothing like those soft nylon scrunchy netlike sponges that you might've seen that do an awesome foamy lather or whatever. No, these do one job and that job is to scrape off as much skin as possible without actually being a power tool. They feel incredible.
They're currently 2.17, will be 1.79 in the sale, both of those prices being less than I paid for them, so you can be sure you're saving pennies!

yes please. destroy my body

How long have they lasted you? Those dumb netted lace bundles always fall apart in like two weeks.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:09

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I like salux cloths but they are like six dollars

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:16

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Sharpest Crayon posted:

If you're like me, you like your bath scrub to be harsh. If you can't feel your skin peeling, it's not harsh enough.
I spent years trying to find a scrub that's hard enough, I even tried pan scrubbers. Cue these cheap nylon fuckers:

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/WEC...0004520261.html

They are nothing like those soft nylon scrunchy netlike sponges that you might've seen that do an awesome foamy lather or whatever. No, these do one job and that job is to scrape off as much skin as possible without actually being a power tool. They feel incredible.
They're currently 2.17, will be 1.79 in the sale, both of those prices being less than I paid for them, so you can be sure you're saving pennies!

That's a potato-peeling glove lol

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:11

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Jerry Cotton posted:

That's a potato-peeling glove lol

How did you think ladies got our skin so soft?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:28

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

Blue Train posted:

Those other two examples are extremely shameful

This is shameful??

Yeah that Spiderman isn�t too hot but to be fair the reference wasn�t very good. If I were ordering I�d make sure the lighting was coming from the same angle, the color was right, and the camera angle was right. You probably have to leave as little to their imagination as possible.

Or get one of yourself like this :nws: