/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

I think it's kind of telling that he says she spends "vast amounts" of money on this stuff and never mentions how much it actually is

Fake edit: all while mentioning it's "money they don't have" and that they are struggling with bills

Basically I think the best advice would be to definitely marry this chick, she sounds perfect for this dope

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:08

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# ? May 27, 2024 18:51

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

pretty much any amount over $1 would be vast

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:09

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

pretty much any amount over $1 would be vast

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:10

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Literally 5-10% of the population will give ppl change just about anywhere so just go to a place with loose panhandling laws with like 200 people around and fly a sign or some poo poo and you got yerself like 5 bucks a hour.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:23

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Is it legal for me, a minor, to draw and sell NSFW art? (NC)

quote:

Im an artist, and i do commissions online to make a bit of money. Mostly people�s fandom an OC things. Recently, someone asked me if i was willing to draw their (legal) OCs in a NSFW situation (porn. Its porn) Im morally ok with this (i have a side-blog where i post nsfw art already), and the commission would pay well, but I want to make sure neither i nor my patron can get in trouble because Im underage (16)

There are two kinds of people:

quote:

I'll relate a story to you and you can make your own decision from that.

Obscenity laws in the US haven't been updated in forever, with one exception. In the mid 2000's a Boeing Engineer named "Mr. Hands" and his friend went out to a barn that they knew wasn't locked. Once inside, they filmed themselves having sex with a horse, as they had done every week for the past several years. But this time Mr. Hands let the horse stay in him for too long, and when it ejaculated the force of its semen impacting against his colon was enough to perforate it, causing a mixture of human fecal matter and horse semen to be distributed throughout his abdomen.

But remember when I said that Mr. Hands was a Boeing engineer? As it turns out Mr. Hands was a high level engineer working on the US Ballistic Missile Defense Program with an SCI level clearance, and he knew that if he went to the hospital his horse sex would be exposed and he would lose that and thus his entire career.

So instead of going to the hospital he went home and tried to sleep it off. When he woke up later that morning he was on the verge of death, and died shortly after reaching the hospital.

As part of the Federal and State investigations that were launched, the mountain of horse porn produced by him and his friend were discovered, along with the fact that they ran a large web ring where the porn was distributed. Due to the horrific manner in which Mr. Hands died, great efforts were made to prosecute his friend for the horse porn.

And that was when it was discovered that Washington State's obscenity laws were so antiquated that there were no longer constitutionally valid, and thus they couldn't prosecute Mr. Hand's friend for any of the horse porn. They also tried to get him on animal cruelty charges, but the local DA ultimately declined to prosecute as it was quite clear from the videos that the horse was enjoying itself.

There was a bit of public out roar over the fact that Mr. Hands friend was walking away scott free despite being one of the most prolific horse porn producers on Earth, and so Washington State decided to update its obscenity law to constitutionally cover bestiality. As part of that process, they searched other state's obscenity laws to find a constitutionally valid one and could not - every state's generic obscenity law was so vague and antiquated that it was unenforceable. The end result was that after Washington adopted its new bestiality law, most other state's copied it and so now bestiality is illegal in most states. But that was the only portion of their obscenity laws that most state's updated and so much of what used to constitute obscenity no longer does.

Since that time there just haven't been any cases of people being prosecuted on an obscenity basis for producing normal porn - regardless of the reason. The only prosecutions in recent history have been for child porn, crush porn, and one prosecution for pretty extreme rape porn that occurred in a small town in Florida.

So keep in mind, obscenity laws in the US are ancient, which means that they were written before anyone contemplated that a 16 year old was able to draw porn and transmit it across state lines electronically. They're also vague, because they were written at a time when "crimes against nature" was a legally enforceable term that encompassed everything from having sex with dead rabbits to using a condom while having consensual heterosexual sex in the missionary position. But at the same time they're not actively enforced in much of the country.

quote:

Don�t forget. If you make enough money off of those commissions you need to file taxes.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Danaru posted:

Is it legal for me, a minor, to draw and sell NSFW art? (NC)

There are two kinds of people:

lmao

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:33

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

Danaru posted:

Is it legal for me, a minor, to draw and sell NSFW art? (NC)

There are two kinds of people:

good points all around, really

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:37

Tiny Bug Child: Sep 11, 2004; Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror

wow, I never knew it was the horse jizzing that killed Mr Hands, I always assumed the dick would have been enough

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:03

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tiny Bug Child posted:

wow, I never knew it was the horse jizzing that killed Mr Hands, I always assumed the dick would have been enough

Sadly, Mr. Hands favorite song was Dont stop till you get enough

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:14

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Danaru posted:

Is it legal for me, a minor, to draw and sell NSFW art? (NC)

There are two kinds of people:

I laughed out loud at "the horse was clearly enjoying it"

Tiny Bug Child posted:

wow, I never knew it was the horse jizzing that killed Mr Hands, I always assumed the dick would have been enough

i can't find a source on it being the jizz, and could have sworn it was the horse... i read the wikipedia article and a few sources, I'm not going to start clicking on random porn forums from duckduckgo

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:22

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

i trust that the redditor with such thorough mr hands knowledge would correctly know if it was horse jizz or horse dick that ultimately fell him

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:54

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Brother Entropy posted:

i trust that the redditor with such thorough mr hands knowledge would correctly know if it was horse jizz or horse dick that ultimately fell him

With the knowledge of obscenity laws, I'm real curious what that guy is into.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:10

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Khorne posted:

With the knowledge of obscenity laws, I'm real curious what that guy is into.

I mean, it's an interesting enough story, but there are only so many contexts where it can realistically come up

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:13

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

The semen killed him much in the way lack of blood kills many gunshot victims. All the dick did was penetrate.

Horse dicks don't kill people, horse jizz does

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:18

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

My [39F] daughter [14F] went to her school dance last Saturday night. My husband [40M] scared the hell out of the boy [13M] that was taking her.

quote:

My daughters school was hosting a school dance last Saturday night.It was for my daughters year level. The school tries to give every grade their own dance one per year. It's a nice thing of them to do.

Come Saturday night my daughter's date, Oliver came to meet her at our home. My husband and I spoke to the kid a little bit while our daughter was getting ready. My daughter called me upstairs to ask what I thought and everything else. When I got back you could see something in the boy's attitude had changed. He wasn't talking as much. He looked startled. He was very short with his words. When I got home I asked him what did he tell to the boy while I was gone.

He told me he lied to the boy about him having a brother that just got out of jail for assault. That's a tame way I can put it. He told the boy that if anything happened to his daughter that the uncle would be angry. He did an extreme "dad talk" and scared the hell out of the kid. He's a kid. They may be teenagers, but they're still children. I was livid. We've been at odds about this the entire week because of his stupid rear end decision to threaten a minor.

Our daughter found out about it from Oliver. She's angry with her father and hasn't been talking to him. She's now going out of her way to spend extra time with Oliver. Who didn't see that coming? My husband feels he did nothing wrong and won't apologise to anyone.

TL;DR: Husband and I are fighting over the extreme dad talk he gave our daughters date. He basically threatened to have his fictional hardcore brother assault the kid. He won't apologise or do anything to remedy the situation. And our daughter will barely talk to her father.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:19

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Palpek posted:

My [39F] daughter [14F] went to her school dance last Saturday night. My husband [40M] scared the hell out of the boy [13M] that was taking her.

TV and movies said it was ok for me to threaten a child in this scenario and goddammit I am going to threaten this child :mad:

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:22

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Palpek posted:

My [39F] daughter [14F] went to her school dance last Saturday night. My husband [40M] scared the hell out of the boy [13M] that was taking her.

I saw this tv show once.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:22

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

WHO THE gently caress IS REGGIE

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:22

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Like, I doubt he even sees the kid as a danger to his daughter, he was just promised the ability to threaten children attempting to date his daughter by culture and sees it as his god-given right

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:23

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Holy poo poo lady your husband is terrible. Giving that talk to any guy of any age is lovely, doing it to a dude that young is cruel.

Wonder how she got that far without figuring out that her husband thinks he owns his daughter?

E: I bet he owns this shirt

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:23

Cyberpunkey Monkey: Jun 23, 2003; by Nyc_Tattoo

so does every common con think he's a king these days?

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:35

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

Scathach posted:

lol how's he gonna put his thumb in my vagene?

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:41

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Parents who don't support their kids in age appropriate relationships are monsters. I'd be in tears of joy if my teenage daughter were going to a dance and supporting the hell out of her... but this dipshit felt it necessary to traumatize that poor little dude! What is wrong with people?!!

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:42

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Parents who don't support their kids in age appropriate relationships are monsters. I'd be in tears of joy if my teenage daughter were going to a dance and supporting the hell out of her... but this dipshit felt it necessary to traumatize that poor little dude! What is wrong with people?!!

Masculinity.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:44

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

Palpek posted:

My [39F] daughter [14F] went to her school dance last Saturday night. My husband [40M] scared the hell out of the boy [13M] that was taking her.

I had this happen to me once but nobody involved was a teenager. She was 21 and I was 24. He told me that if I didn't treat her right he'd personally make sure I'd pay for it and my response was something along the lines of 'oh well poo poo I was planning to beat the hell out of her but now that you've threatened me I'm really having second thoughts about it' which didn't go over terribly well but it didn't escalate to violence at least. It struck me as creepily possessive like those purity balls.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:45

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Parents who don't support their kids in age appropriate relationships are monsters. I'd be in tears of joy if my teenage daughter were going to a dance and supporting the hell out of her... but this dipshit felt it necessary to traumatize that poor little dude! What is wrong with people?!!

"if i can't gently caress my daughter no one can :mad:

" - typical midwestern dad

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:46

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Parents who don't support their kids in age appropriate relationships are monsters. I'd be in tears of joy if my teenage daughter were going to a dance and supporting the hell out of her... but this dipshit felt it necessary to traumatize that poor little dude! What is wrong with people?!!

He wants to be able to threaten a child because this makes him feel powerful. As I've said, culture has promised him he gets one free Threaten A Child pass if the child is in any sort of romantic context with his daughter, and so he feels he is owed this.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:51

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

BloodRed posted:

lol how's he gonna put his thumb in my vagene?

Ever hear of the term axe wound?

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:06

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

He wants to be able to threaten a child because this makes him feel powerful. As I've said, culture has promised him he gets one free Threaten A Child pass if the child is in any sort of romantic context with his daughter, and so he feels he is owed this.

"i had kids to boss them around, not talk about FEELINGS and hippy bullshit! now spray some febreeze, i haven't wiped my rear end in years since i'm NO HOMO"

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:13

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Seems like a good time to post Country Dad

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:32

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

whatever you do to her, I will do to you :stonk:

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:32

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Jeza posted:

whatever you do to her, I will do to you

nice try, but i'm bi :getin:

Caganer fucked around with this message at 01:39 on Mar 23, 2018

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:35

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

loquacius posted:

He wants to be able to threaten a child because this makes him feel powerful. As I've said, culture has promised him he gets one free Threaten A Child pass if the child is in any sort of romantic context with his daughter, and so he feels he is owed this.

an extra layer of pathos in that he chooses to use this, his opportunity to menace a 13 year old, talking about a made up Navy SEAL felon black belt brother who lives in Canada, you've never met him

dude can't even frighten a child under his own steam and it's all he wants in life

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Mar 23, 2018

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:38

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Pretty sure my(20M) really good friend(20M) thinks he's a furry and he believes he is in heat

I live in an apartment with some friends(20M,20M,19M) back from high school and we all used to be a part of this bigger group and one of the other group, lets call him Krffin(20M), used to always be a bit weird but I mean all of us were weird. We always believed he may be gay but were never sure. Back to the apartment though, for the most part it's just myself and my roommates and we kind of act as a staging point for our other friends since we all went to school away from where the community colleges are located and we are pretty close so they all come over between their classes.

The issue and question that I have is that Kriffin is one of these friends that use the apartment and whatnot but we recently found out that he is actually a furry which came as a huge surprise to me because I had never actually seen one aside from the internet. Overall it's not bad, he tends to keep it to himself, but now that he has told us, every few weeks he gets super weird and annoying and says something along the lines of "I'm in heat" or some poo poo like that and he actually grinded up against one of my roommates, Kosh(19M), like 2 months ago and now Kosh won't even acknowledge his existence and locks himself in his room whenever Kriffin is at the apartment.

It almost seems like Kriffin hasn't even noticed that anything has happened, he still continues this weird heat thing and we have to constantly tell him to stop. We are getting really sick of it and I'm worried that a fight may break out if this continues but we can not get him to stop. I love, as friends, both Kosh and Kriffin tremendously, we have all been friends since like the first grade and it kills me to see this friendship falling apart. What do I do to help preserve something? How can I get Kriffin to stop doing this heat thing?

I figured this was the best place to come to since you guys helped so much with my last issue with my girlfriend selling underwear and so I figured you may be able to help me with this as well.

tl;dr Friend is ruining his relationship with us due to how he acts as a furry

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:39

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

if some dad pulled that id gently caress his daughter in the rear end out of spite

(lovingly and with lots of lube, don't worry ladies!)

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:40

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

an extra layer of pathos in that he chooses to use this, his opportunity to menace a 13 year old, talking about a made up Navy SEAL felon black belt brother who lives in Canada, you've never met him

It's his life aspiration and dude can't even frighten a child under his own steam

That part makes me think it might have been a joke. Usually an rear end in a top hat will just threaten you themselves.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:40

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Get him neutered?

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:41

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Scathach posted:

Holy poo poo lady your husband is terrible. Giving that talk to any guy of any age is lovely, doing it to a dude that young is cruel.

Wonder how she got that far without figuring out that her husband thinks he owns his daughter?

E: I bet he owns this shirt

I wish my first GFs dad had this policy because it woulda been pretty boss for him to suck on my titties in my car in his driveway.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

empty sea posted:

I might be reading this thread too much, last night I had a dream about how Pick could've been with Hugh by also crawling under the truck and then somehow everything would've been perfect. And then I woke up and was appalled.

Does Hugh even know about us?

leave hugh alone

he's a good dude who has had some hard times and then took it out on other people but it's not like that's uncommon, it's very human, which he is

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:53

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# ? May 27, 2024 18:51

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Pick posted:

leave hugh alone

he's a good dude who has had some hard times and then took it out on other people but it's not like that's uncommon, it's very human, which he is

is the reason you can't know how he's doing is a restraining order, or did he just block you on facebook?

# ? Mar 23, 2018 01:56

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