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Renegret
May 26, 2007

THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*


Cat Army Sworn Enemy
Daito dies the way Wade should have.

IOI shows up at his door and drags him outside. Daito dies from the shock of having the sun touch his skin for the first time in years.

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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Osmosisch posted:

I love that the supposedly evil corporation is actually arguably a better employer than current-day Amazon. They actually provide food and board!

The only commentary on the implications of indentured servitude in this economy is a single line about how some people are okay with it because at least they're not starving and homeless. I think a better writer would have had Wade ruminate on how despite his bitching and moaning, the only real difference between his life as a slave and his life in his old apartment is that he doesn't get to play video games. In some ways he's actually in a better living situation because he has a real bed and doesn't require a WarDoor to protect himself from armed robbers. He even gets the comforting feeling of a visor and haptic gloves for his job (during his aptitude testing, it's implied that he's so used to being jacked in that he feels naked without them).

A better Wade would still be awkward, even within OASIS. Some of his talents would have been foreshadowed from the start instead of being granted through walkthroughs and automated scripts (like showing a guitar in his hideout because he actually tries to express himself musically, so playing "Discovery" on Syrinx would have been something that only an actual guitarist gunter could have done). Instead of abandoning the real world to live in OASIS, have him make efforts to make his apartment seem livable with his meager funds when he's not logged in or show him making fleeting attempts at walking around Columbus to overcome his social anxiety.

In this case, his plan to break out of IOI with all his information would actually have a different kind of stakes: he has to obviously worry about being caught or his codes having been changed and thus selling himself into slavery for no good reason, but he also has to deal with not wanting to leave. Even though he lacks the comfort of a virtual world, he's now living in a reality far better than the squalor of the stacks or his cold, bare apartment. Breaking free would mean breaking out of a comfortable bed, regular meals, clean clothes, and consistent (if drab) safety so he can become a fugitive on the run.

After this book is done, we'll go over Lacero, the fanfic that Cline declared canon. I think a rewrite would also have Wade discover the revelations made in this story, which would help him in making his decision to continue with his plan to take down IOI instead of submitting to them.

Orthodox Rabbit
Jun 2, 2006

This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!
It makes me mad that half the dumb references in this book aren't even 80's references. He couldn't even stick to his lovely gimmick.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless

chitoryu12 posted:

the fanfic that Cline declared canon.

Of course he did.

Paladin
Nov 26, 2004
You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.


Mel Mudkiper posted:

Alternatively, classic fiction as done by Cline

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a Delorean.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Paladin posted:

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a Delorean.

In our hypothetical-verging-on-actual rewrite, we see Wade getting the DeLorean. It turns out he actually doesn't think it's all that cool (though he does enjoy Back to the Future and Ghostbusters), but he's gotten a publicist/agent to help him deal with all the media attention he's been getting. They convince him that he needs to cultivate an "image" and this is the best way to appeal to his fans. He's slightly embarrassed flying into Og's birthday party in it.

Also you could write in him capturing the Vonnegut from third person, as viewed from the perspective of a Twitch-style livestream of the captain as Wade's X-Wing flies in and fucks their poo poo up.

Samizdata
May 14, 2007

Ixjuvin posted:

Snow Crash is just RPO, complete with a gross attitude towards women, flagrant Orientalism, lengthy recitation of Wikipedia articles, and nonsense hypercompetent Protagonist. It's actually written with style and flair because Stephenson knows how to turn a good phrase.

You forgot the high-speed pizza delivery. Good point, though, remembering to capitalize Protagonist, though.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

For a cookie cutter hero (18 years old, hairless, white male is what you get mashing NEXT in an RPG character creator) Wade only comes alive when hating people who call help desks. He doesn't get too worried about the MegaCorp that tried to murder him, but someone new to the game has a question? They deserve death.

I wish during the finale, as Wade approaches the egg, he got shanked by sword guy. As he loses his inventory he hears the words "I finally reached level 10..."

Spark That Bled
Jan 29, 2010

Hungry for responsibility. Horny for teamwork.

And ready to
BUST A NUT
up in this job!

Skills include:
EIGHT-FOOT VERTICAL LEAP
Now we know about the real Art3mis, I would think it would've been a more gutsier move if she was actually trans. Still beautiful and all that, but her dysphoria is why she pushes Wade away.

Oh, and Wade finds out early from a rival gunter, but doesn't get to see her actual face until he breaks into the IOI computers.

It's not all that gutsy, since she's still beautiful, but it's better than what we got.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
Who wants to bet Art3mis is relieved a guy finds her beautiful despite her birthmark and doesn't have an issue at all with the guy she likes looking nothing like his avatar and instead being greasy, out of shape, and obese

Orthodox Rabbit
Jun 2, 2006

This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!
The Art3mis reveal should have been Cline himself

TheAwfulWaffle
Jun 30, 2013
I see two fundamental problems with RPO:

1. The whole story is a flashback. Wade won, and now he's going to brag about how awesome he was. This drains a ton of tension out of story, because the reader already knows that Wade can't lose. I think flashback nature of the book is at least partly responsible for how dull the actions scenes are. Not only is there no real risk when Wade fights off a bunch of "Skinjobs" or whatever, Cline has to use a weird past-tense to describe everything.

2. Wade is absolutely alone, has no real friends, and does not really cooperate with anybody. After he finds the Copper Key, he almost never expresses himself to anybody. We get no outside perspective on what he's doing. He's a lonely freak and we're trapped in his head with him.

Point 1 would be forgivable if the story of how Wade won were more interesting. As it is, Wade's success amounts to (a) sudden, intuitive revelation (Hey! The first key is on my school-planet!) followed by (b) cheating (I downloaded a walkthrough of the dungeon from the internet) followed by (c) poo poo that cannot be rendered on the page in an interesting way (I'm really good at Joust! I memorized War Games!).

Point 2 would be forgivable if Cline realized what a miserable, lovely person Wade actually is and used that somehow. But alas, it was not to be.

nerdz
Oct 12, 2004


Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.
Grimey Drawer
If the movie posters are anything to go by, Aech is a woman? It seems to be the same actress as Aziz Ansari's childhood friend in Master of None. Is Aech a woman in the book as well?

darthbob88
Oct 13, 2011

YOSPOS

nerdz posted:

If the movie posters are anything to go by, Aech is a woman? It seems to be the same actress as Aziz Ansari's childhood friend in Master of None. Is Aech a woman in the book as well?

Yeah, and from what I've heard that's one of the things the movie breaks; in the book, her avatar is a tall and handsome white dude, while in reality she is a fat black lesbian IIRC, so Wade learns a lesson about tolerance, while in the movie, they gave a black person an orc for an avatar.

nerdz
Oct 12, 2004


Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.
Grimey Drawer

darthbob88 posted:

Yeah, and from what I've heard that's one of the things the movie breaks; in the book, her avatar is a tall and handsome white dude, while in reality she is a fat black lesbian IIRC, so Wade learns a lesson about tolerance, while in the movie, they gave a black person an orc for an avatar.

lol jesus

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

I’m still hitting a roadblock on making RPO better: redoing the WarGames section without just tossing it altogether.

Darth Walrus
Feb 13, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

I’m still hitting a roadblock on making RPO better: redoing the WarGames section without just tossing it altogether.

Simple - create a fiendishly complex War Games-based challenge where the only winning move is not to play.

Dave Syndrome
Jan 11, 2007
Look, Bernard. Bernard, look. Look. Bernard. Bernard. Look. Bernard. Bernard. Bernard! Bernard. Bernard. Look, Bernard! Bernard. Bernard! Bernard! Look! Bernard! Bernard. Bernard! Bernard, look! Look! Look, Bernard! Bernard! Bernard, look! Look! Bern

TheAwfulWaffle posted:

I see two fundamental problems with RPO:

1. The whole story is a flashback. Wade won, and now he's going to brag about how awesome he was. This drains a ton of tension out of story, because the reader already knows that Wade can't lose. I think flashback nature of the book is at least partly responsible for how dull the actions scenes are. Not only is there no real risk when Wade fights off a bunch of "Skinjobs" or whatever, Cline has to use a weird past-tense to describe everything.

2. Wade is absolutely alone, has no real friends, and does not really cooperate with anybody. After he finds the Copper Key, he almost never expresses himself to anybody. We get no outside perspective on what he's doing. He's a lonely freak and we're trapped in his head with him.

Point 1 would be forgivable if the story of how Wade won were more interesting. As it is, Wade's success amounts to (a) sudden, intuitive revelation (Hey! The first key is on my school-planet!) followed by (b) cheating (I downloaded a walkthrough of the dungeon from the internet) followed by (c) poo poo that cannot be rendered on the page in an interesting way (I'm really good at Joust! I memorized War Games!).

Point 2 would be forgivable if Cline realized what a miserable, lovely person Wade actually is and used that somehow. But alas, it was not to be.

I think the first person perspective is also problematic.
Take for example the imprisonment plan in chitoryu12's latest bunch of quotes. A lot of the stuff that Wade does here is arguably pretty risky and clever. But the fact that he's not just the one who did it but also the one that tells us about it (and how risky and clever it was) inevitably leaves a bad aftertaste: Nobody likes a braggart.

WALL of SCIENCE!
Feb 8, 2003

I'm good. You good?

Darth Walrus posted:

Simple - create a fiendishly complex War Games-based challenge where the only winning move is not to play.

Something like that, but with really high apparent stakes, too! Like, you're in a bunker and there's a serious danger that if you don't make the right move the whole place is going to come down around your ears and wipe out your avatar or something.

Chef Boyardeez Nuts
Sep 9, 2011

The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.
Load him into a war sim like Edge of Tomorrow that autopopulates with other players. He has to actually work together with other people and fights to the end to get some sort of doomsday weapon. The game suggests that using the weapon will kill the bad guys, win the game and wipe the other PCs in the challenge.

The right answer is to walk away and Wade makes the wrong choice. He's shamed, loses a bunch of his new fame, and falls behind one of the other hunters.

I like the idea of making Anorak an unreliable GM who will lie to see if you, for example, know the moral of Wargames.

theflyingorc
Jun 28, 2008

ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS
Young Orc

chitoryu12 posted:

(like showing a guitar in his hideout because he actually tries to express himself musically, so playing "Discovery" on Syrinx would have been something that only an actual guitarist gunter could have done)
Another thing that's been bothering me - there's nothing that directly says the doors have to be completed in order, right? The only thing stopping you from finding the next key is that you don't have the hint.

The third key was found by going to the Rush planet that only exists to reference Rush. ALSO, it's on a planet that inexplicable has over 1000 instances of the city on it, because apparently it's very important that 1000 different people are, at all times, ready to explore a city based on a song by Rush. This song is 20 minutes long, but it is a narrative, not dedicated to a careful description of the city in all its detail, so basically, you're exploring Rush fanfiction, a normal thing for the company to spend thousands of hours of their time doing.

EXCEPT, of course, for the cave behind the waterfall, which is explicit referenced in the same Rush song that is the only drat reason you'd even come to this city. And behind the waterfall, you find a guitar, exactly as the song says.

To get the key, you have to play the song on the guitar you just found that references all of that.

Bullshit on the idea that nobody found that before. "Hey, that planet filled with copies of the city from Halliday's favorite band? Why don't we explore the one thing referenced in it. Maybe doing something with the guitar does something? I know this isn't the answer, but first, let's try the song that all this is referenced in before we try thousands of old themes from videogames. Oh, the very first thing we thought of worked? NEAT"

Orthodox Rabbit
Jun 2, 2006

This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

chitoryu12 posted:

I’m still hitting a roadblock on making RPO better: redoing the WarGames section without just tossing it altogether.

Just changing it to any sort of actual challenge of any kind would already be an improvement. The wargames test was the first time in Wade's life where he's been denied access the ability to just google the answers to everything in his life. It should have been an obstacle where he needed to use his actual skills to prove himself worthy.

Just replacing that section with a challenge where Wade has to think of 5 words that rhyme with "wargames" would have been more exciting to read

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

a rewrite where he's actually a big music fan and is sequence breaking

theflyingorc
Jun 28, 2008

ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS
Young Orc

Tunicate posted:

a rewrite where he's actually a big music fan and is sequence breaking

If somebody else had found the third key while he was stuck on the second one, that would have been actually kinda interesting

Orthodox Rabbit
Jun 2, 2006

This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!
The thing where Wade could only beat the Lich at Joust by switching to player 1 still bugs the poo poo out of me. As written its just a random bullshit thing Cline threw in to pad word count and is supposed to make us think Wade is really clever for some reason. If this book wasn't bullshit that moment could have been a thing Wade realized was the trick to beating Lich Haliday because Haliday was a lonely nerd and likely only ever played joust by himself as player 1. So taking that player position would throw lich haliday off his game because he wasn't programmed with a familiarity as player 2.

TheAwfulWaffle
Jun 30, 2013

Dave Syndrome posted:

I think the first person perspective is also problematic.
Take for example the imprisonment plan in chitoryu12's latest bunch of quotes. A lot of the stuff that Wade does here is arguably pretty risky and clever. But the fact that he's not just the one who did it but also the one that tells us about it (and how risky and clever it was) inevitably leaves a bad aftertaste: Nobody likes a braggart.

Agreed. The use of first person perspective plays into both issues that bug me. It amplifies the "let me tell you how awesome I am" aspect of the narrative, and it keeps us trapped in Wade's head.

Shark Sandwich
Sep 6, 2010

by R. Guyovich
Have Halliday be into late 80s Rush that no one cares about.

Man Hold Your Fire is not good

TheAwfulWaffle posted:

Agreed. The use of first person perspective plays into both issues that bug me. It amplifies the "let me tell you how awesome I am" aspect of the narrative, and it keeps us trapped in Wade's head.

The worst part is there are better ways to do that. To get back to Gene Wolfe Book of the New Sun has a protagonist that tells you on the first page he’s an emperor but then the book gets tension from making you piece together where he’s full of it or telling the truth. Cline just uses first-person because he lacks the imagination for any character that isn’t a self-insert

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

I worked frantically for the next four hours. Most of that time was spent copying as much data as possible from the Sixer database to my stolen flash drive. Once that task was completed, I submitted an Executive Oologist Supply Requisition Order. This was an online form that Sixer commanders used to request weapons or equipment inside the OASIS. I selected a very specific item, then scheduled its delivery for noon two days from now.

When I finally finished, it was six thirty in the morning. The next tech-support shift change was now only ninety minutes away, and my hab-unit neighbors would start waking up soon. I was out of time.

Wade opens up his profile and quickly zeros his account balance (which is easier than it would normally be, as he had never borrowed that $20,000 in the first place) and disables the locking mechanisms on his security anklet and eargear. This is the point of no return: without any digital record from his security devices, IOI will inevitably torture and kill him without a second thought if he gets caught escaping.

Just like the flash drive, Wade faked a requisition form to get a vacuum-packed maintenance uniform that he's hidden in a panel in his hab unit wall. He changes into the maintenance jumpsuit (using his indent jumpsuit to wipe the blood off his ear before putting a Band-Aid on the holes left by his eargear), then requests a bathroom visit into his eargear to unlock the pod.

quote:

The hab-unit door irised open at my feet. The hallway was dark and deserted. I stuffed my eargear and indent jumpsuit under the mattress and put the anklet in the pocket of my new uniform. Then, reminding myself to breathe, I crawled outside and descended the ladder.

I passed a few other indents on my way to the elevators, but as usual, none of them made eye contact. This was a huge relief, because I was worried someone might recognize me and notice that I didn’t belong in a maintenance-tech uniform. When I stepped in front of the express elevator door, I held my breath as the system scanned my maintenance-tech ID badge. After what felt like an eternity, the doors slid open.

“Good morning, Mr. Tuttle,” the elevator said as I stepped inside. “Floor please?”

“Lobby,” I said hoarsely, and the elevator began to descend.

“Harry Tuttle” was the name printed on my maintenance tech ID badge. I’d given the fictional Mr. Tuttle complete access to the entire building, then reprogrammed my indent anklet so that it was encoded with the Tuttle ID, making it function just like one of the security bracelets that maintenance techs wore. When the doors and elevators scanned me to make sure I had the proper security clearance, the anklet in my pocket told them that yes, I sure did, instead of doing what it was supposed to do, which was zap my rear end with a few thousand volts and incapacitate me until the security guards arrived.

I rode the elevator down in silence, trying not to stare at the camera mounted above the doors. Then I realized the video being shot of me would be scrutinized when this was all over. Sorrento himself would probably see it, and so would his superiors. So I looked directly into the lens of the camera, smiled, and scratched the bridge of my nose with my middle finger.

The elevator doors open into the lobby to let a group of IOI middle management drones on, and Wade keeps his cool as he walks past. The lobby is a completely normal white collar environment full of caffeinated suits heading to and from work. Wade wonders if any of them are bothered by the thousands of slaves working underneath their feet. As he walks, Wade notices that he forgot to take off his disposable plastic slippers and they're squeaking with every footstep.

quote:

But I kept walking. I was almost to the doors when someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I froze. “Sir?” I heard someone say. It was a woman’s voice.

I almost bolted out the door, but something about the woman’s tone stopped me. I turned and saw the concerned face of a tall woman in her midforties. Dark blue business suit. Briefcase. “Sir, your ear is bleeding.” She pointed at it, wincing. “A lot.”

I reached up and touched my earlobe, and my hand came away red. At some point, the Band-Aids I’d applied had fallen off.

I was paralyzed for a second, unsure of what to do. I wanted to give her an explanation, but couldn’t think of one. So I simply nodded, muttered “thanks,” then turned around and, as calmly as possible, walked outside.

Smart move, Wade.

He stops long enough to throw his anklet in the trash before running into the frozen morning air. His feet quickly go numb, as along with lacking a coat he's also not wearing any socks. He powerwalks the 4 blocks to the Mailbox, an automated post office rental business, and opens up his anonymous PO box where he had a top-of-the-line portable OASIS rig shipped. Since the Mailbox is fully automated and there are no customers to bother him, he tears into the package and logs on with one of GSS's free wireless access points for the first time in 8 days.

quote:

As my avatar slowly materialized on my stronghold’s observation deck, I looked down at my virtual body, admiring it like a favorite suit I hadn’t worn in a while. A window immediately appeared on my display, informing me that I’d received several messages from Aech and Shoto. And, to my surprise, there was even a message from Art3mis. All three of them wanted to know where I was and what the hell had happened to me.

I replied to Art3mis first. I told her that the Sixers knew who she was and where she lived and that they had her under constant surveillance. I also warned her about their plans to abduct her from her home. I pulled a copy of her dossier off the flash drive and attached it to my message as proof. Then I politely suggested that she leave home immediately and get the hell out of Dodge.

Don’t stop to pack a suitcase, I wrote. Don’t say good-bye to anyone. Leave right now, and get somewhere safe. Make sure you aren’t followed. Then find a secure non-IOI-controlled Internet connection and get back online. I’ll meet you in Aech’s Basement as soon as I can. Don’t worry—I have some good news too.

At the bottom of the message, I added a short postscript: PS—I think you look even more beautiful in real life.

I sent similar e-mails to Shoto and Aech (minus the postscript), along with copies of their Sixer dossiers. Then I pulled up the United States Citizen Registry database and attempted to log in. To my great relief, the passwords I’d purchased still worked, and I was able to access the fake Bryce Lynch citizen profile I’d created. It now contained the ID photo taken during my indent processing, and the words WANTED FUGITIVE were superimposed over my face. IOI had already reported Mr. Lynch as an escaped indent.

It didn’t take me very long to completely erase the Bryce Lynch identity and copy my fingerprints and retinal patterns back over to my original citizen profile. When I logged out of the database a few minutes later, Bryce Lynch no longer existed. I was Wade Watts once again.

Man, why do we even have Internet security?

Wade hails an automated cab (making sure not to pick an IOI-owned SupraCab) and takes it to Thr3ads, a clothing store that specializes in high-tech urban wear. He picks up "dichotomy wear" clothing that will function with OASIS to detect his body position for full VR work, plus a fake leather jacket and other sundries. This lets him trash the maintenance jumpsuit and plastic slippers.

quote:

A few blocks later, I ducked into a Vend-All franchise. Inside there were rows of vending machines that sold everything under the sun. One of them, labeled DEFENSE DISPENSER, offered self-defense equipment: lightweight body armor, chemical repellents, and a wide selection of handguns. I tapped the screen set into the front of the machine and scrolled through the catalog. After a moment’s deliberation, I purchased a flak vest and a Glock 47C pistol, along with three clips of ammo. I also bought a small canister of mace, then paid for everything by pressing my right palm to a hand scanner. My identity was verified and my criminal record was checked.

NAME: WADE WATTS
OUTSTANDING WARRANTS: NONE
CREDIT RATING: EXCELLENT
PURCHASE RESTRICTIONS: NONE
TRANSACTION APPROVED!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS!

I heard a heavy metallic thunk as my purchases slid into the steel tray near my knees. I pocketed the mace and put the flak vest on underneath my new shirt. Then I removed the Glock from its clear plastic blister packaging. This was the first time I’d ever held a real gun. Even so, the weapon felt familiar in my hands, because I’d fired thousands of virtual firearms in the OASIS. I pressed a small button set into the barrel and the gun emitted a tone. I held the pistol grip firmly for a few seconds, first in my right hand, then my left. The weapon emitted a second tone, letting me know it had finished scanning my handprints. I was now the only person who could fire it. The weapon had a built-in timer that would prevent it from firing for another twelve hours (a “cooling-off period”), but I still felt better having it on me.

I want you guys to take a guess if the Glock, mace, and flak vest will ever be used in this book. Come on, take a guess. I dare you.

His next destination is the Plug, an OASIS access franchise not owned by IOI.

quote:

The motion detector emitted a beep as I stepped through the front door. There was a small waiting area off to my right, currently empty. The carpet was stained and worn, and the whole place reeked of industrial-strength disinfectant. A vacant-eyed clerk glanced up at me from behind a bulletproof Plexiglas barrier. He was in his early twenties, with a Mohawk and dozens of facial piercings. He was wearing a bifocal visor, which gave him a semitransparent view of the OASIS while also allowing him to see his real-world surroundings. When he spoke, I saw that his teeth had all been sharpened to points. “Welcome to the Plug,” he said in a flat monotone. “We have several bays free, so there’s no waiting. Package pricing information is displayed right here.” He pointed to the display screen mounted on the counter directly in front of me; then his eyes glazed over as he refocused his attention on the world inside his visor.

I really think Cline would be happier just writing a straight cyberpunk novel instead. So much of this sequence plays right into cyberpunk aesthetics, but it's only 30 years in the future and clashes badly with the rest of the book.

Wade rents a deluxe rig for 12 hours, a fat-pipe connection for uploading 10 zettabytes of data, and a Mondo upgrade package. The clerk balks at this teenager requesting $11,000 in rental gear, and is even more surprised when the transaction clears. He shrugs and hands Wade his gear, tells him where the bathroom is, and asks him to please not leave any bodily fluids for him to clean up.

As Wade locks the door and boots up the console, his backup of Max Headroom greets him and the most well-rounded character in the book returns.

The data will take over 3 hours to transfer, so Wade sends over the stuff that he needs first so he can access it immediately. He sends every major newsfeed a detailed account of Daito's murder (including the incredibly convenient video footage) and the memo Sorrento sent to the Board of Directors openly proposing kidnapping and murder. IOI even took a simcap of their meeting with Wade where they threatened to bomb his trailer park, despite having blocked him from recording it! Wade makes sure to bleep out his real name and blur his school photo to avoid admitting his identity quite yet.

quote:

I spent about fifteen minutes composing one last e-mail, which I addressed to every single OASIS user. Once I was happy with the wording, I stored it in my Drafts folder. Then I logged into Aech’s Basement.

When my avatar appeared inside the chat room, I saw that Aech, Art3mis, and Shoto were already there waiting for me.

AngusPodgorny
Jun 3, 2004

Please to be restful, it is only a puffin that has from the puffin place outbroken.
Cline seems to have an innovative "explain the plan and have it work perfectly" method. Normally you can either have someone explain a plan and then something go wrong, or not explain the plan and have it all become clear after it's over.

This way gets rid of that pesky suspense and surprise.

Darth Walrus
Feb 13, 2012

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Load him into a war sim like Edge of Tomorrow that autopopulates with other players. He has to actually work together with other people and fights to the end to get some sort of doomsday weapon. The game suggests that using the weapon will kill the bad guys, win the game and wipe the other PCs in the challenge.

The right answer is to walk away and Wade makes the wrong choice. He's shamed, loses a bunch of his new fame, and falls behind one of the other hunters.

I like the idea of making Anorak an unreliable GM who will lie to see if you, for example, know the moral of Wargames.

Depends how sympathetic you want to make Halliday, of course. Do you want him to be a wise mentor who communicates important moral lessons through Eighties pop-culture, or do you want him to be a broken soul who can only interact with the world through Eighties pop-culture?

Mind you, if the former, you can make that some cool foreshadowing for the winner turns off OASIS ending. Or the latter, I guess, if you want to make the message subconscious on Halliday’s part and turn the whole thing into a nightmare delve into a broken, self-hating mind.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Dave Syndrome posted:

I think the first person perspective is also problematic.
Take for example the imprisonment plan in chitoryu12's latest bunch of quotes. A lot of the stuff that Wade does here is arguably pretty risky and clever. But the fact that he's not just the one who did it but also the one that tells us about it (and how risky and clever it was) inevitably leaves a bad aftertaste: Nobody likes a braggart.

I think it's possible for the first person to work if you do two things:

1. Obviously have a better author who can express Wade's thoughts and emotions with more nuance than "I felt anxious" or "I was really awesome today."

2. Instead of doing everything as Wade narrating actions after the fact and thus hiding plans from the reader until the right moment, show us how he goes through everything. Actually show him on a date with Art3mis so you can see how they interact when together, instead of Wade telling us that they got along perfectly. Show the first time in IOI's headquarters that he tries to break in with his black market exploits, so we can get some tension as we wonder whether or not it'll work.

You could also make his plan less insane by having him do something like sneak to IOI's headquarters and find some kind of maintenance access where he can quickly check the passwords to see if they work, only to get caught and have to make a daring escape in real life without the benefit of OASIS magic and game items to help him win. That way he knows that the exploit will work instead of banking the entire plot on whether or not IOI has changed their passwords and patched security holes in the past 7 months; there's still a risk that it's been changed after his break-in, but at least he knows that the stuff is legit.

theflyingorc posted:

Another thing that's been bothering me - there's nothing that directly says the doors have to be completed in order, right? The only thing stopping you from finding the next key is that you don't have the hint.

The third key was found by going to the Rush planet that only exists to reference Rush. ALSO, it's on a planet that inexplicable has over 1000 instances of the city on it, because apparently it's very important that 1000 different people are, at all times, ready to explore a city based on a song by Rush. This song is 20 minutes long, but it is a narrative, not dedicated to a careful description of the city in all its detail, so basically, you're exploring Rush fanfiction, a normal thing for the company to spend thousands of hours of their time doing.

EXCEPT, of course, for the cave behind the waterfall, which is explicit referenced in the same Rush song that is the only drat reason you'd even come to this city. And behind the waterfall, you find a guitar, exactly as the song says.

To get the key, you have to play the song on the guitar you just found that references all of that.

Bullshit on the idea that nobody found that before. "Hey, that planet filled with copies of the city from Halliday's favorite band? Why don't we explore the one thing referenced in it. Maybe doing something with the guitar does something? I know this isn't the answer, but first, let's try the song that all this is referenced in before we try thousands of old themes from videogames. Oh, the very first thing we thought of worked? NEAT"

Oh, you didn't even need to play the guitar to get the Crystal Key! Playing "Discovery" just caused the hint for the Third Gate to appear on the wall. Getting the Key actually just requires you to find the guitar and place it on the altar; Wade explicitly says that the only reason the Sixers haven't found the Egg already is that they didn't have the hint so they have no clue what to do to actually unlock the Third Gate. And if you read the hint, it's really loving obvious what to do.

This is a plot hole that could easily be filled by having Wade talk to someone like Aech who says that they already explored all of this crap incidentally and never found anything, and they figure that Halliday probably coded the Hunt so that you had to have certain items in your inventory to trigger later ones instead of finding them out of order.


Shark Sandwich posted:

Have Halliday be into late 80s Rush that no one cares about.

Man Hold Your Fire is not good

Hush your mouth.

PJOmega
May 5, 2009

quote:

At the bottom of the message, I added a short postscript: PS—I think you look even more beautiful in real life.

What. The. gently caress.

nerdz
Oct 12, 2004


Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.
Grimey Drawer
Hey, sending this message just to warn you that some pervs have hacked your laptop and were taking snapshots of you through your camera. You should format your computer

P.S.: Nice tits

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Darth Walrus posted:

Depends how sympathetic you want to make Halliday, of course. Do you want him to be a wise mentor who communicates important moral lessons through Eighties pop-culture, or do you want him to be a broken soul who can only interact with the world through Eighties pop-culture?

Mind you, if the former, you can make that some cool foreshadowing for the winner turns off OASIS ending. Or the latter, I guess, if you want to make the message subconscious on Halliday’s part and turn the whole thing into a nightmare delve into a broken, self-hating mind.

I think I'd have it play as the latter, and make part of Wade's character that he doesn't share Halliday's obsessions. He never gave any thought to the Hunt after he couldn't get into the 80s research like die-hard gunters have been, and finding the Tomb of Horrors on Ludus is a complete accident. He suddenly finds himself needing to take a crash course in the 80s and run through everything with Aech and Art3mis to try and figure poo poo out, in addition to all the stress of becoming a socially awkward celebrity.

As he goes on, he starts to find more and more issues with Halliday and the Hunt. He realizes that the Hunt only exists because Halliday was a lonely old man who could never understand why other people didn't share his love of 80s pop culture (and in fact drove his friends and loves away by throwing tantrums over it), and his clues are a form of posthumous revenge by forcing the whole planet to finally understand him.

His motivations for sticking with the Hunt are his discovery that IOI has something more sinister than just monetization planned for OASIS (along with getting revenge for the death of Daito, which would be a really good motivation for breaking into their headquarters and stealing all their data) and that it provides a way for him to keep spending time with Art3mis, who's a dedicated enough gunter that she won't give up looking for clues even if he stops. He also starts to notice some disturbing similarities with Halliday, as they shared negative traits like social anxiety and difficulty identifying with other people.

darthbob88
Oct 13, 2011

YOSPOS

PJOmega posted:

What. The. gently caress.

Yeah, I'm a software developer with Asperger's and I recognize that as creepy.

PJOmega
May 5, 2009
There also should've been a time limit. Not only is it a winner take all contest but getting the first key puts you on a timer. In one year you are wiped and banned from the Oasis.

Actually, make it once you enter the first gate. The first key & gate is somewhat well known, but in the years since Halliday's death no one has so much as gotten the second key. Hundreds have tried and failed. Hundreds have been barred from the medium of the modern era. Oasis addiction is a real thing, even the most entry level job expects you to access the Oasis, and these people are basically pariahs left to starve.

The quest also does weird things to you and your avatar. It makes it so you can't broadcast. You can't even communicate with anyone who isn't on the quest. You're immortal to any player not on the quest, but anyone on the quest is a danger to you no matter how the planet is coded. There are no such things as system enforced alliances, so you're constantly having to judge your allies and that's why Hunters are so paranoid.

Normally dying in the Oasis sends you back to wherever you've bound as home, but being on the quest and dying knocks levels off.

Make it a commitment so that Wade has to actually have some resolve for it. Have it end with the standard YA twist that he has to turn away from the reward at the end to truly win.

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008

Women's Circuit Bender Union Local 34



nerdz posted:

Hey, sending this message just to warn you that some pervs have hacked your laptop and were taking snapshots of you through your camera. You should format your computer

P.S.: Nice tits

Hey, I know you've blocked me from contacting you after you said you weren't interested in me romantically, and I responded with being a creepy faux Lloyd Dobler. So when I got some info on some bad people out to kill you at any second, naturally I studied every part of your dossier and drooled over your pics before reaching out to you again.

PS: u r pretty, do you like me y[ ] n[ ]

TheGreatEvilKing
Mar 28, 2016





What you could also do is have Wade start as an 80s-obsessed weirdo but then realize he cares more about Aech, Artemis, and the Japanese brothers (who would be less racist). The 80s nostalgia crap would just be an in to bond with these people and get him out of the house. Hell, end the book with the game being a giant troll and it turns out Halliday's 240 billion dollars went into being startup money for IOI.

Poulpe
Nov 11, 2006
Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

JacquelineDempsey posted:

Hey, I know you've blocked me from contacting you after you said you weren't interested in me romantically, and I responded with being a creepy faux Lloyd Dobler. So when I got some info on some bad people out to kill you at any second, naturally I studied every part of your dossier and drooled over your pics before reaching out to you again.

PS: u r pretty, do you like me y[ ] n[ ]

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PJOmega
May 5, 2009

Plz dun dox me.

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