Let's Read Ready Player One - The Ultimate Showdown as a book

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nerd plus rage: May 12, 2014; It's a metaphor for something, probably

quote:

PS�I think you look even more beautiful in real life.

It started slowly at first. It always started slowly. The closest neighbors heard it first, at least the ones who hadn't left already. The delusional ones who believed that one day it would stop, that their lives would return to normal. It would not stop. It had been happening every day since he had appeared. It always started slowly.

The Quakes, they called them, trying to assign a name to that which they could not understand.

A low, rhythmic thumping sound, so deep you almost felt it more than you heard it. Everyone reacted to it differently, responses that felt rote to them at this point. Once it had come as a surprise, even on the fifth or sixth time. At some point they had all believed it would stop. Now the few that remained took cover in doorways or under furniture. These days more and more of them didn't bother doing anything. They lived their lives, no longer caring enough to try to avoid the fate that had befallen others.

Soon it speeds up. Walls begin to rattle. People look up fearfully, although all paintings or hangings that could be knocked down have all long since been removed. Adaptations had been made since his presence had become known.

Some of them realized quickly that something was wrong. It was growing faster and louder than ever before. He must have done something new, they whispered. A few of them sobbed, screamed, prayed. Most had no reason to care anymore. They had always known, deep inside, that this would come.

In one of the empty houses, a knife vibrated off a table and impaled the dog whose family had abandoned it in their rush to get away from him.

One of the remaining ones had come to venerate him as a god. It was this man who dared, on shaking legs which could barely balance on the rumbling earth, to approach the building he had occupied all those months ago.

A chunk of falling rubble the size of a fist barely missed the man. He did not care, perhaps he didn't even notice. Every fiber of his being was focused on the sight through his window.

Cline, his name had once been. The man saw him seated in a sparse room in a well-worn chair. For a brief, rapturous moment, the man saw the source of the Quakes.

The next falling rock did not miss the man. As he was obliterated, he felt almost saddened by the lack of fanfare for the sight he had seen.

Ernest Cline was patting himself on the back, each strike falling with bone-shattering force that reverberated through the ground and rattled the houses and trees. He did not feel it. It had been a long time since he felt any sensation. His blows rained upon him, ecstatic at his creation. He had finally done it. He had made his self-insert attracted to a woman who was only 95% conventionally beautiful. The frequency of the Quakes increased again and again as he re-read the single, glorious sentence his ruined mind had created.

All of the neighbors were dead. It would be reported as freak seismic activity, if at all.

He went back to writing. There was much to be done.

hey at least I'm a better writer than Cline

nerd plus rage fucked around with this message at 05:27 on Mar 27, 2018

# ? Mar 27, 2018 05:21

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 17:37

Exit Strategy: Dec 10, 2010; by sebmojo

There's a little thing that bothers me. Check my post history and you'll find me a lot in TFR, so that's where this is going. The Glock.

I know what people are expecting me to say: For over a hundred years, the mechanism of the self-loading semi-automatic pistol has essentially been a baked technology. Other than minor variations, we've gotten the machine down to a science. Or more accurately, an engineering. Without any batteries, without any fancy digital tricks, we can manufacture a weapon that will - with proper care or at least a desiccant pack and a cool, dry place - sit happily inert for a hundred years and then still reliably kill someone when you ask it to, and Cheesefuck over here thinks the way to improve that is to install a "button on the barrel" that turns on a "timer" for a "cooling-off period". That somehow this technology would become commercially viable for some reason, which won't happen because blah whatever.

That's not what really pisses me off, though. The idea that the Federal firearms laws would be amended in a clean and simple way such as to allow gun vending machines is easily the least realistic thing in this book.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 06:08

Solumin: Jan 11, 2013

The whole Glock thing is extremely cyberpunk, as is this whole part of the book. That's it, that's literally it, gun vending machines are practically a distopian cyberpunk cliche.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 06:10

nerdz: Oct 12, 2004; Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.; Grimey Drawer

The year was 2090. When I was working as a graphic designer for IOI in Columbus, Ohio, I got stuck in what I can only describe as a triplex apartment between a group of students and an elderly, mentally handicapped man who would tell us all about how he was the last person in his gunter program to still have a functioning OASIS headset. Apparently they've mostly been phased out or something?

Anyway, the students who lived next to me in the triplex were obsessed with seeing this ancient machine and seemed to be split 50-50 on believing it even existed. I'd been there six months, the students almost a year, and none of us had seen this thing in person. Wade - the old man - would stand on his end of the house and "train for The Hunt", which really just amounted to reading 80's comic books and playing atari videogames. Anytime any of us went outside while he was doing this, he'd yell conversation to us. "Aech beat me on PVP once again. I got so mad..." and "I caught Art3mis trying to hack her way inside Falco again... Such a pain in the rear end." It was nonstop during the summer months.

So at the end of August, I was helping Wade with some tech support. He asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner, and even though the OASIS headset did not come up in the invitation at all, it was my first thought. A chance to confirm this machine's existence. I jumped at the opportunity.

So that night, I have the worst meal of my life. Just a can of Sludge, a high-protein, vitamin D�infused breakfast drink. No conversation. Just the sounds of us eating. Feeling weirdly nauseous and wanting to go home, I asked Wade where the headset was.

"In my bedroom. Art3mis is messaging me all the time. and I didn't want her bothering you during supper."

I should have accepted this, but I pressed on, saying I was full and just wanted to meet her before going home. At this point, Wade stood up, walked to his bedroom, slammed the door shut, and was in there for maybe five minutes or so. I was about to leave when he came out.

"She's about to log out of the basement, but you can see her before you leave."

Here's my memory of that encounter, as filtered through my PTSD (semi-serious here - I could get diagnosed for sure):

Funko Pop sitting in a wicker chair next to a bed. Withered ThinkGeek price tag still hanging off. White areas of the doll stained with nicotine. A hole cut in between the legs. Wade behind me. The sinking feeling as I realize his hard cock (still in pants, though) is pressed against my back. I forget the exact words, but he did ask me to touch Art3mis, so I half heartedly petted her and he slapped the back of my head. Whispered to me "F-fingerblast this little turd." That part I remember perfectly. And I did.

nerdz fucked around with this message at 07:38 on Mar 27, 2018

# ? Mar 27, 2018 07:29

Gnome de plume: Sep 5, 2006; Hell.
Fucking.
Yes.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 08:08

M. Morgan: May 9, 2012

The more I think about this Evil Corp slavery plot, the less sense it makes. Wouldn't people prefer this to starving on welfare, praying their stacks don't fall down and murder hundreds, avoiding rapists and literal raiders? At least they get food, a bed to sleep in, clean clothes and security. They might get bored if Evil Corp Commissary is stupidly expensive for the internet or other poo poo, but I imagine you do the same things to keep you busy as in real life prison.

Hell, if you want to stick to the geek theme have some slaves roleplay. Either with only speaking about what their character does, or maybe have someone save up for years to buy dice and use it for a group to run their homebrewed prison D&D campaigns. This could be tied to the human need for entertainment, the drive to be creative and tell stories/perform them as a group.

Or you could allow them to go online but have every other phrase they say/think they do be "Evil Corp is awesome and good! Switch your ISP!" so Wanest Waline would have to find a way to warn his friends in code. There was this one scene in The Magicians where two characters are spied on by faeries from another dimension and they speak about their plan to fight said fairies in pop culture references because the fairies know gently caress all about earth culture.

God loving drat it, Twilight was better. At least Meyer actually described poo poo.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 08:20

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

I love that this thread exists, but the actual Cline text is just too painfully terrible to actually read.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 09:11

Deptfordx: Dec 23, 2013

quote:

I spent about fifteen minutes composing one last e-mail, which I addressed to every single OASIS user. Once I was happy with the wording, I stored it in my Drafts folder. Then I logged into Aech�s Basement.

Wait. So anyone can email every other person on the future internet. How fortunate nobody has ever attempted to exploit this ability for financial gain/their own amusement leading to it's removal.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 09:35

Paingod556: Nov 8, 2011; Not a problem, sir

Deptfordx posted:

Wait. So anyone can email every other person on the future internet. How fortunate nobody has ever attempted to exploit this ability for financial gain/their own amusement leading to it's removal.

They use the bulk spam filters Wade obviously used for his several million emails when he got famous.

So obviously only a few lonely housewives will read it before sharing it on OASISbook with Minion pictures, and no one else

# ? Mar 27, 2018 09:57

EVGA Longoria: Dec 25, 2005; Let's go exploring!

Paingod556 posted:

They use the bulk spam filters Wade obviously used for his several million emails when he got famous.

So obviously only a few lonely housewives will read it before sharing it on OASISbook with Minion pictures, and no one else

You underestimate how special and cool and totally perfect Wade is.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 13:50

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

Wade is a celebrity so of course his e-mail address that can't be spoofed isn't filtered by any spam-blockers.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 13:53

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

M. Morgan posted:

God loving drat it, Twilight was better. At least Meyer actually described poo poo.

I kinda want to keep the Let's Read stuff going with more famous bad books. I started out with cheap pulp that I read as a kid, but major stuff that gets big film adaptations seems to bring out a lot of earnest discussion and entertainment.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 14:49

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

What was the point of Cline writing all that security-wank stuff about Wade's incredible apartment fortifications (including a metal cage he somehow installed entirely by himself in the walls/ceiling/floor) if it didn't even do anything for him. I guess his plan was to intentionally get caught? But why not just have a plan to disguise as a janitor and sneak in instead?

I'm pretty convinced every single bit of writing Cline did about the real world was just word padding poo poo he threw out there occasionally when he thought of a new way to try and make Wade look as badass in real life as he is in the game.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 14:53

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

quote:

�Z!� Aech shouted as my avatar appeared. �What the hell, man? Where have you been? I�ve been trying to reach you for over a week!�

�So have I,� Shoto added. �Where were you? And how did you get those files from the Sixer database?�

�It�s a long story,� I said. �First things first.� I addressed Shoto and Art3mis. �Have you two left your homes?�

They both nodded.

�And you�re each logged in from a safe location?�

�Yes,� Shoto said. �I�m in a manga cafe right now.�

�And I�m at the Vancouver airport,� Art3mis said. It was the first time I�d heard her voice in months. �I�m logged in from a germ-ridden public OASIS booth right now. I ran out of my house with nothing but the clothes on my back, so I hope that Sixer data you sent us is legit.�

�It is,� I said. �Trust me.�

�How can you be sure of that?� Shoto asked.

�Because I hacked into the Sixer Database and downloaded it myself.�

They all stared at me in silence. Aech raised an eyebrow. �And how, exactly, did you manage that, Z?�

�I assumed a fake identity and masqueraded as an indentured servant to infiltrate IOI�s corporate headquarters. I�ve been there for the past eight days. I just now escaped.�

�Holy poo poo!� Shoto whispered. �Seriously?�

I nodded.

�Dude, you have balls of solid adamantium,� Aech said. �Respect.�

�Thanks. I think.�

The conversation actually keeps going from here, with Wade telling his buddies exactly how a lowly indent broke into the system. I think you're smarter than Cline gives his readers credit for, so we'll skip Wade summarizing the past two chapters.

quote:

Art3mis scowled at me. �Of course, when you found out they had secret files on each of us, you just couldn�t resist looking at them, could you?�

�I had to look at them!� I said. �To find out how much they knew about each of us! You would have done the same thing.�

She leveled a finger at me. �No, I wouldn�t have. I respect other people�s privacy!�

�Art3mis, chill out!� Aech interjected. �He probably saved your life, you know.�

She seemed to consider this. �Fine,� she said. �Forget it.� But I could tell she was still pissed off.

Make Art3mis the protagonist instead.

quote:

�Aech is right,� Art3mis said, shaking her head. �You are certifiably nuts.� She hesitated for a second, then added, �Thanks for the warning, Z. I owe you one.�

Oh, never mind.

Also, since when did Art3mis start calling him "Z"? That's a nickname Aech gave him because he likes to use single-letter nicknames. Is everyone just going to start calling him that now?

Wade sends them all his 10 ZB of stolen data, then plays the video of the Third Gate, which they notice has "CHARITY. HOPE. FAITH." inscribed on it. Sorrento tries seemingly everything to make the Crystal Key work, from turning it in different directions to reciting the words on the Gate in Latin, Elvish, and Klingon. They go over First Corinthians 13:13, which has that phrase in it. Nothing will open it.

quote:

�Morons,� Aech said. �Halliday was an atheist.�

Of course, Wade has already figured out the solution. Because he's an unstoppable protagonist.

quote:

�Say them in reverse order,� I suggested. �Better yet, sing them in reverse order.�

Art3mis�s eyes narrowed. �Faith, hope, charity,� she said. She repeated them a few times, recognition growing in her face. Then she sang: �Faith and hope and charity ...�

Aech picked up the next line: �The heart and the brain and the body ...�

�Give you three ... as a magic number!� Shoto finished triumphantly.

�Schoolhouse Rock!� they all shouted in unison.

�See?� I said. �I knew you guys would get it. You�re a smart bunch.�

� �Three Is a Magic Number,� music and lyrics by Bob Dorough,� Art3mis recited, as if pulling the information from a mental encyclopedia. �Written in 1973.�

I smiled at her. �I have a theory. I think this might be Halliday�s way of telling us how many keys are required to open the Third Gate.�

Art3mis grinned, then sang, �It takes three.�

�No more, no less,� continued Shoto.

�You don�t have to guess,� added Aech.

�Three,� I finished, �is the magic number.� I took out my own copy of the Crystal Key and held it up. The others did the same. �We have four copies of the key. If at least three of us can reach the gate, we can get it open.�

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU4pyiB-kq0

They figure that Halliday is basically being a sadistic bastard by requiring three avatars to open the Third Gate when only one of them can win, as it would inevitably force the first three arrivals into a race/fight to win. The only reason the Sixers haven't broken in with their dozens of keys is that they haven't figured out the lyrical clue yet.

Wade reveals his plan to take down the shield around the castle. He shows them the email he's preparing to send to every single OASIS user:

quote:

Fellow gunters,

It is a dark day. After years of deception, exploitation, and knavery, the Sixers have finally managed to buy and cheat their way to the entrance of the Third Gate.

As you know, IOI has barricaded Castle Anorak in an attempt to prevent anyone else from reaching the egg. We�ve also learned that they�ve used illegal methods to uncover the identities of gunters they consider a threat, with the intention of abducting and murdering them.

If gunters around the world don�t join forces to stop the Sixers, they will reach the egg and win the contest. And then the OASIS will fall under IOI�s imperialist rule.

The time is now. Our assault on the Sixer army will begin tomorrow at noon, OST.

Join us!

Sincerely,

Aech, Art3mis, Parzival, and Shoto

�Knavery?� Art3mis said after she�d finished reading it. �Were you using a thesaurus when you wrote this?�

�I was trying to make it sound, you know, grand,� I said. �Official.�

�Me likey, Z,� Aech said. �It really gets the blood stirring.�

If anyone ever said "me likey" to my face, I'd projectile vomit down their throat.

Wade is confident that at least most of the gunters will show up, since nobody wants to see IOI win and would rather help the High ~~Five~~ Four succeed honorably. They don't need to defeat the whole Sixer army, just punch a hole for at least three of them to make it out.

The bigger problem is that they're all stranded. Art3mis and Wade are basically homeless and Shoto is at a public cafe without many places to go if Sixers come after him. Aech offers to pick up Art3mis and Wade in his RV, but it'll take a while.

quote:

�I think I might be able to help you guys out,� a deep voice said.

We all jumped and turned around just in time to see a tall, male, gray-haired avatar appear directly behind us. It was the Great and Powerful Og. Ogden Morrow�s avatar. And he didn�t materialize slowly, the way an avatar normally did when logging into a chat room. He simply popped into existence, as if he had been there all along and had only now decided to make himself visible.

�Have any of you ever been to Oregon?� he said. �It�s lovely this time of year.�

# ? Mar 27, 2018 15:13

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

There is something deeply symbolic in the fact that a hint which is interpreted to be biblical is instead a schoolhouse rock reference

# ? Mar 27, 2018 15:25

Deptfordx: Dec 23, 2013

Again, IOI try translating into Klingon but nobody thinks to google song lyrics.

It doesn't occur to anyone 'Well what happens when multiple people with keys approach the gate' which must crack the top 10 of 'Obvious thngs to try'.

Once again, as antagonists IOI are just left Holding the Idiot Ball.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 15:40

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Deptfordx posted:

Again, IOI try translating into Klingon but nobody thinks to google song lyrics.

Yes, another mystery which could have been solved by using Ctrl+F on the Almanac.

And I see Morrow actually does take part in the plot of the book. I'm guessing Deus Ex Machina will be the order of the day today as he solves all their problems for them, leaving them free to rush the gate?

# ? Mar 27, 2018 15:54

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Gorilla Salad posted:

Yes, another mystery which could have been solved by using Ctrl+F on the Almanac.

And I see Morrow actually does take part in the plot of the book. I'm guess Deus Ex Machina is the order of the day today?

Along with the narrative trope of a Big Bad, Cline also falls into the trope of the Big Good: a powerful character on the side of the good guys who serves as aid, a leader, and a rallying point for the protagonists.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 15:56

TheAwfulWaffle: Jun 30, 2013

So when Wade first found the Copper Key, IOI immediately took steps to implement his assassination, made him a (maybe bogus) job offer, and then tried to blow him up when he turned them down.

Later (months later? the timeline here isn't clear) IOI assassinates Daito.

Also, IOI had Art3mis and Shoto under constant surveillance this whole time? Or at least ever since the second gate, which is when they killed Daito, right?

Why are Art3mis and Shoto allowed to live? Why is Daito killed?

# ? Mar 27, 2018 16:43

Somebody Awful: Nov 27, 2011; BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED

Solumin posted:

The whole Glock thing is extremely cyberpunk

Julius Deane's sawed-off .357 with grimy tape on the grips and lead azide explosive handloads was cyberpunk. Wade's Vend-A-Glock is just shameful.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 16:54

Poulpe: Nov 11, 2006; Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

Gorilla Salad posted:

Yes, another mystery which could have been solved by using Ctrl+F on the Almanac.

And I see Morrow actually does take part in the plot of the book. I'm guessing Deus Ex Machina will be the order of the day today as he solves all their problems for them, leaving them free to rush the gate?

Let's not forget the astronomically low odds that Wade stumbled on that quarter earlier for no reason, which is inevitably going to serve as a plot turning McGuffin :allears:

Probably it's going to count as an extra life when the big bads detonate the gently caress off chekhov's bomb?

# ? Mar 27, 2018 16:59

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Poulpe posted:

Let's not forget the astronomically low odds that Wade stumbled on that quarter earlier for no reason, which is inevitably going to serve as a plot turning McGuffin

Probably it's going to count as an extra life when the big bads detonate the gently caress off chekhov's bomb?

You son of a bitch.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:21

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

TheAwfulWaffle posted:

So when Wade first found the Copper Key, IOI immediately took steps to implement his assassination, made him a (maybe bogus) job offer, and then tried to blow him up when he turned them down.

Later (months later? the timeline here isn't clear) IOI assassinates Daito.

Also, IOI had Art3mis and Shoto under constant surveillance this whole time? Or at least ever since the second gate, which is when they killed Daito, right?

Why are Art3mis and Shoto allowed to live? Why is Daito killed?

The book takes place over roughly one year. It opens in the winter at what I think is the beginning of 2045. Shortly after it starts, Wade moves to Columbus. Daito�s murder and Wade selling himself into slavery is roughly 8 months afterward, so probably around November or December?

The only explanation I can think of for killing Daito is that he lived alone, so they could just throw him off the balcony and fake a suicide. I have no reasonable explanation for why they recorded the murder and saved it on their server.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:25

Solumin: Jan 11, 2013

I can see it as IOI getting a little desperate and resorting to more extreme measures, so they escalated from trying to recruit Wade to killing Daito.

They recorded the murder because bureaucracy.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:30

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Solumin posted:

I can see it as IOI getting a little desperate and resorting to more extreme measures, so they escalated from trying to recruit Wade to killing Daito.

They recorded the murder because bureaucracy.

The problem is they tried to murder Wade seconds after trying to recruit them. Murder was their plan from step one.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:32

anonumos: Jul 14, 2005; Fuck it.

Daito's death was a plot device and nothing more. A minor character always dies to show how dangerous things really are.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:42

Solumin: Jan 11, 2013

chitoryu12 posted:

The problem is they tried to murder Wade seconds after trying to recruit them. Murder was their plan from step one.

Makes me wonder what would have happened if he had accepted the offer.

In a better book, there would have been a hunter who had accepted. They would be an antagonist of sorts, because Wade's success would be a threat to their life. They know IOI would kill them if the company no longer had a use for them.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:45

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

anonumos posted:

Daito's death was a plot device and nothing more. A minor character always dies to show how dangerous things really are.

Which doesn�t really work, because at the beginning of the book IOI took out Wade�s whole trailer park with a bomb. The stakes started at the highest level possible. Daito being killed does nothing to actually raise the stakes. It feels more like an inevitability.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:45

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

Solumin posted:

Makes me wonder what would have happened if he had accepted the offer.

In a better book, there would have been a hunter who had accepted. They would be an antagonist of sorts, because Wade's success would be a threat to their life. They know IOI would kill them if the company no longer had a use for them.

You silly goose! ~~Bad people~~Antagonists can't have redeeming qualities!

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:49

Poulpe: Nov 11, 2006; Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

Solumin posted:

Makes me wonder what would have happened if he had accepted the offer.

In a better book, there would have been a hunter who had accepted. They would be an antagonist of sorts, because Wade's success would be a threat to their life. They know IOI would kill them if the company no longer had a use for them.

Yeah in a better, but still not good book, Aech would have gone turncoat like the "mentor character who's way ahead of the protagonist at the beginning of the story" character always does. That, or die horrifically in the first arc.

chitoryu12 posted:

Which doesn’t really work, because at the beginning of the book IOI took out Wade’s whole trailer park with a bomb. The stakes started at the highest level possible. Daito being killed does nothing to actually raise the stakes. It feels more like an inevitability.

My best guess is that he needed a character that isn't in his inner circle of power fantasy friends and girlfriend crew to kill off to avoid the difficult experience of writing the death of a character you actually like. Cause SOMEONE's gotta actually die or else the book doesn't feel like it has any stakes! (Even though the entire book has been written in such a way that there is 0 mystery or stakes or difficulty for the protagonist in any meaningful way.) That said, I wonder if he actually DOES like any of these characters. They're all incredibly one dimensional.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:51

TheAwfulWaffle: Jun 30, 2013

So why do they let Art3mis and Shoto live?

IOI has both of them dead to rights.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 17:56

Poulpe: Nov 11, 2006; Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

TheAwfulWaffle posted:

So why do they let Art3mis and Shoto live?

IOI has both of them dead to rights.

I am reaching verrrrrry hard here but with an extremely liberal interpretation it could be assumed that they want them alive and incensed to solve the egg hunt to continue giving them solutions to the keys/gates, and then when they were all near the end and ready to snatch the victory out of the gunters' hands (which is basically now, in the plot) they could kill them off because they were finished using them. (Which they are more or less planning to do.)

That said, that still leaves them filming the murder they committed and saving it to their servers a bizarrely idiotic plot hole.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 18:00

Zanzibar Ham: Mar 17, 2009; You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.; Grimey Drawer

I can actually believe that. Real live people who are rich and powerful keep the craziest criminal things on record.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 18:04

Nipponophile: Apr 8, 2009

Solumin posted:

They recorded the murder because bureaucracy.

Obviously those mercs needed deliverables that they could present to their management team during year-end performance reviews if they're ever hoping to move up to a higher pay band.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 18:05

Darth Walrus: Feb 13, 2012

Nipponophile posted:

Obviously those mercs needed deliverables that they could present to their management team during year-end performance reviews if they're ever hoping to move up to a higher pay band.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

I can actually believe that. Real live people who are rich and powerful keep the craziest criminal things on record.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 18:08

WALL of SCIENCE!: Feb 8, 2003; I'm good. You good?

Vox has a really good takedown of why RPO is Bad, Actually.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 19:02

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

I'm going to a wedding up in New Hope, PA in a few hours and I won't be back until Monday, so this is the last update for the rest of the week. Appropriately, it's a big one.

quote:

We all stared at Ogden Morrow in stunned silence.

�How did you get in here?� Aech finally asked, once he�d managed to pick his jaw up off the floor. �This is a private chat room.�

�Yes, I know,� Morrow said, looking a bit embarrassed. �I�m afraid I�ve been eavesdropping on the four of you for quite some time now. And I hope you�ll accept my sincere apologies for invading your privacy. I did it with only the best intentions, I promise you.�

�With all due respect, sir,� Art3mis said. �You didn�t answer his question. How did you gain access to this chat room without an invitation? And without any of us even knowing you were here?�

�Forgive me,� he said. �I can see why this might concern you. But you needn�t worry. My avatar has many unique powers, including the ability to enter private chat rooms uninvited.� As Morrow spoke, he walked over to one of Aech�s bookshelves and began to browse through some vintage role-playing game supplements. �Prior to the original launch of the OASIS, when Jim and I created our avatars, we gave ourselves superuser access to the entire simulation. In addition to being immortal and invincible, our avatars could go pretty much anywhere and do pretty much anything. Now that Anorak is gone, my avatar is the only one with these powers.� He turned to face the four of us. �No one else has the ability to eavesdrop on you. Especially not the Sixers. OASIS chat-room encryption protocols are rock solid, I assure you.� He chuckled lightly. �My presence here notwithstanding.�

�He knocked over that stack of comic books!� I said to Aech. �After our first meeting in here, remember? I told you it wasn�t a software glitch.�

Og nodded and gave us a guilty shrug. �That was me. I can be pretty clumsy at times.�

Yeah, Og has been spying on the Basement practically from the beginning of the book. Hopefully none of them revealed any embarrassing and deeply personal secrets or engaged in any ERP!

Og reveals that despite what he told the media about never speaking to Halliday again, he and Halliday actually met shortly before his death. Halliday revealed to him the full nature of the Hunt and asked him to monitor it, just in case there were any bugs or problems that he couldn't fix after dying. He has no intentions of revealing how to complete any challenges because he swore to Halliday that he would honor the spirit of the Hunt, but he feels that the Sixers have violated the integrity of the game and thus he needs to intervene. As such, he offers the still living gunters sanctuary at his mansion in Oregon with high-end OASIS rigs to help them complete the Hunt.

quote:

�That�s an incredibly kind offer, Mr. Morrow,� Shoto said. �But I live in Japan.�

�I know, Shoto,� Og said. �I�ve already chartered a private jet for you. It�s waiting at the Osaka airport. If you send me your current location, I�ll arrange for a limo to pick you up and take you to the runway.�

Shoto was speechless for a second; then he bowed low. �Arigato, Morrow-san.�

�Don�t mention it, kid.� He turned to Art3mis. �Young lady, I understand that you�re currently at the Vancouver airport? I�ve made travel arrangements for you, as well. A driver is currently waiting for you in the baggage claim area, holding a sign with the name �Benatar� on it. He�ll take you to the plane I�ve chartered for you.�

For a second I thought Art3mis might bow too. But then she ran over and threw her arms around Og in a bear hug. �Thank you, Og,� she said. �Thank you, thank you, thank you!�

�You�re welcome, dear,� he said with an embarrassed laugh. When she finally released him, he turned to Aech and me. �Aech, I understand that you have a vehicle, and that you�re currently in the vicinity of Pittsburgh?� Aech nodded. �If you wouldn�t mind driving to Columbus to retrieve your friend Parzival here, I�ll arrange for a jet to pick up both of you at the Columbus airport. That is, if you boys don�t mind sharing a ride?�

�No, that sounds perfect,� Aech said, glancing at me sideways. �Thanks, Og.�

�Yes, thank you,� I repeated. �You�re a lifesaver.�

�I hope so.� He gave me a grim smile, then turned to address everyone. �Safe travels, all of you. I�ll see you soon.� And then he vanished, just as quickly as he�d appeared.

�Well, this blows,� I said, turning to Aech. �Art3mis and Shoto get limos, and I have to bum a ride to the airport with your ugly rear end? In some poo poo-heap RV?�

�It�s not a poo poo-heap,� Aech said, laughing. �And you�re welcome to take a cab, rear end in a top hat.�

�This is gonna be interesting,� I said, stealing a quick glance at Art3mis. �The four of us are finally going to meet in person.�

�It will be an honor,� Shoto said. �I�m looking forward to it.�

�Yeah,� Art3mis said, locking eyes with me. �I can�t wait.�

All right, Wade is going to meet his best friend in person! The one he conveniently knows absolutely nothing about in real life! Hopefully everything goes well and he doesn't react in any kind of negative way if he's not a straight white dude!

As soon as Wade leaves the Basement, he sends his mass email to the whole OASIS population. Within an hour, the plan to attack Castle Anorak and the reveal of IOI's kidnapping and murder plots are the top news stories, even running the footage of Daito's murder.

quote:

I spent the next few hours outfitting my avatar and preparing myself mentally for what was to come. When I could no longer keep my eyes open, I decided to catch a quick nap while I waited for Aech to arrive. I disabled the auto-log-out feature on my account, then drifted off in the haptic chair with my new jacket draped over me as a blanket, clutching in one hand the pistol I�d purchased earlier that day.

The pistol never once gets used in this book.

Wade is awoken by Aech's ringtone, letting him know he's outside. The RV is a tiny mocha-colored SunRider from about two decades ago, with black tinted windows and a patchwork of solar cells on the roof. The door automatically opens and a stepladder unfolds for Wade to climb in. He pushes open the bead curtain to the driver's cab...

quote:

A heavyset African American girl sat in the RV�s driver seat, clutching the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead. She was about my age, with short, kinky hair and chocolate-colored skin that appeared iridescent in the soft glow of the dashboard indicators. She was wearing a vintage Rush 2112 concert T-shirt, and the numbers were warped around her large bosom. She also had on faded black jeans and a pair of studded combat boots. She appeared to be shivering, even though it was nice and warm in the cab.

I stood there for a moment, staring at her in silence, waiting for her to acknowledge my presence. Eventually, she turned and smiled at me, and it was a smile I recognized immediately. That Cheshire grin I�d seen thousands of times before, on the face of Aech�s avatar, during the countless nights we�d spent together in the OASIS, telling bad jokes and watching bad movies. And her smile wasn�t the only thing I found familiar. I also recognized the set of her eyes and the lines of her face. There was no doubt in my mind. The young woman sitting in front of me was my best friend,Aech.

So I've met a lot of people that I knew online. Sometimes they didn't look or sound quite like I expected. I even attended a Central Florida goon meet where we got tacos and then took over the jukebox at a billiards bar next door to gently caress with everyone (I ended the night by playing "Alice's Restaurant Masacree", which actually got people yelling). I've never once cared if someone didn't look or sound the way I pictured in my head.

quote:

A wave of emotion washed over me. Shock gave way to a sense of betrayal. How could he�she�deceive me all these years? I felt my face flush with embarrassment as I remembered all of the adolescent intimacies I�d shared with Aech. A person I�d trusted implicitly. Someone I thought I knew.

When I didn�t say anything, her eyes dropped to her boots and stayed on them. I sat down heavily in the passenger seat, still staring over at her,still unsure of what to say. She kept stealing glances at me; then her eyes would dart away nervously. She was still trembling.

Wade you ignorant slut.

quote:

Whatever anger or betrayal I felt quickly evaporated.

I couldn�t help myself. I started to laugh. There was no meanness in it, and I knew she could tell that, because her shoulders relaxed a bit and she let out a relieved sigh. Then she started to laugh too. Half laughing and half crying, I thought.

�Hey, Aech,� I said, once our laughter subsided. �How goes it?�

�It�s going good, Z,� she said. �All sunshine and rainbows.� Her voice was familiar too. Just not quite as deep as it was online. All this time, she�d been using software to disguise it.

�Well,� I said. �Look at us. Here we are.�

�Yeah,� Aech replied. �Here we are.�

An uncomfortable silence descended. I hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do. Then I followed my instincts, crossed the small space between us, and put my arms around her. �It�s good to see you, old friend,� I said. �Thanks for coming to get me.�

She returned the hug. �It�s good to see you too,� she said. And I could tell she meant it.

Surprise Wade, your best friend (and the top PvP gunter in the world) is a chubby black woman. I know this is hard for you to take and the idea of your best friend not being a white dude is a "betrayal", but grow a loving spine.

Aech drives the RV to a private hangar at the airport, where they board Og's private jet. Wade's never even seen an airplane closer than one passing overhead, so Og being able to send out three private jets on a whim just shows off how fabulously wealthy he must be.

After an hour of staring out the windows in wonder at the sensation of flying, Aech finally tells her story. Her real name is Helen Harris, and she grew up in Atlanta with a single mother after her father died in Afghanistan shortly after the birth. Her mother, Marie, worked in an online data processing center using a white male avatar; she supported OASIS for its ability to allow anyone to pick whatever form they wanted, eliminating racism and sexism from the digital environment. Following her mother's example, Helen did the same when she became Aech. Her mother lied on the OASIS public school application and they submitted a photorealistic rendering of her avatar as her "real" photo.

Unfortunately, Helen also happens to be a lesbian. She revealed that she was dating a girl to her mother on her 18th birthday and was promptly kicked out of the house, forcing her to live in a series of homeless shelters or couch surf. Eventually she made enough money in PvP to buy her RV, which she's been living out of ever since.

quote:

As we continued to talk, going through the motions of getting to know each other, I realized that we already did know each other, as well as any two people could. We�d known each other for years, in the most intimate way possible. We�d connected on a purely mental level. I understood her, trusted her, and loved her as a dear friend. None of that had changed, or could be changed by anything as inconsequential as her gender, or skin color, or sexual orientation.

The rest of the flight seemed to go by in a blink. Aech and I quickly fell into our old familiar rhythm, and before long it was like we were back in the Basement, trash-talking each other over a game of Quake or Joust. Any fears I had about the resiliency of our friendship in the real world had vanished by the time our jet touched down on Og�s private runway in Oregon.

This could have been a really good scene. Wade finds out that his best friend is as far from their avatar as possible, and he decides "gently caress it, you're still my best friend" and goes on without a hitch.

Wade instantly kills any good will this scene could have provided by reacting to the revelation with a sense of betrayal. His first instinct upon finding out that his best friend wasn't a cis, straight white guy was to get mad at her. Even if he got over it, he still showed obvious prejudice when it happened. This is only the first time that the book swiftly undercuts one of its few good messages with its own characters.

The jet lands surrounded by the Wallowa Mountains on a private airstrip (Og is so rich, his estate has its own loving airport). The grand mansion, lit by floodlights, sits on a plateau near the base of the mountain range, surrounded by waterfalls.

quote:

�It looks just like Rivendell,� Aech said, taking the words right out of my mouth.

I nodded. �It looks exactly like Rivendell in the Lord of the Rings movies,� I said, still staring up at it in awe. �Og�s wife was a big Tolkien fan, remember? He built this place for her.�

The duo bound up the steps to the house, where Og greets them in a plaid bathrobe and bunny slippers with a big hug. Art3mis and Shoto are already in their immersion rigs; Art3mis said that she wanted to avoid any distractions from meeting Wade in person before the battle.

They follow Og across a moonlit courtyard, passing by a small gated garden full of flowers. Wade looks closer and sees a tombstone, realizing that it's Kira's grave. As they enter the dark mansion, Og takes a no-bullshit flaming torch off the wall to lead the way.

quote:

As we followed Og, I worked up enough courage to speak to him. �Listen, I know this probably isn�t the time,� I said. �But I�m a huge fan of your work. I grew up playing Halcydonia Interactive�s educational games. They taught me how to read, write, do math, solve puzzles ...� I proceeded to ramble on as we walked, raving about all of my favorite Halcydonia titles and geeking out on Og in a classically embarrassing fashion.

Aech must have thought I was brown-nosing, because she snickered throughout my stammering monologue, but Og was very cool about it.

�That�s wonderful to hear,� he said, seeming genuinely pleased. �My wife and I were very proud of those games. I�m so glad you have fond memories of them."

They continue past a room filled entirely with Halliday's massive video game collection, willed to Og after his death. Down a spiral staircase to an elevator, they finally enter a modern lower floor with a row of 7 numbered circular doorways. Behind each is a Habashaw OIR 9400 immersion rig, the absolute most top of the line OASIS rig possible. The pair quickly get suited and booted in their haptic suits, then shake hands. As Aech enters her pod, Wade stops to talk to Og.

quote:

He raised an eyebrow. �If you�re going to ask me what�s inside the Third Gate, I have no idea,� he said. �And even if I did, I wouldn�t tell you. You should know that....�

I shook my head. �No, that�s not it. I wanted to ask what it was that ended your friendship with Halliday. In all the research I�ve done, I�ve never been able to find out. What happened?�

Morrow studied me for a moment. He�d been asked this question in interviews many times before and had always ignored it. I don�t know why he decided to tell me. Maybe he�d been waiting all these years to tell someone.

�It was because of Kira. My wife.� He paused a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. �Like me, he�d been in love with her since high school. Of course, he never had the courage to act on it. So she never knew how he felt about her. And neither did I. He didn�t tell me about it until the last time I spoke to him, right before he died. Even then, it was hard for him to communicate with me. Jim was never very good with people, or with expressing his emotions.�

I nodded silently and waited for him to continue.

�Even after Kira and I got engaged, I think Jim still harbored some fantasy of stealing her away from me. But once we got married, he abandoned that notion. He told me he�d stopped speaking to me because of the overwhelming jealousy he felt. Kira was the only woman he ever loved.�

Morrow�s voice caught in his throat. �I can understand why Jim felt that way. Kira was very special. It was impossible not to fall in love with her.� He smiled at me. �You know what it�s like to meet someone like that, don�t you?�

If you were ever hoping Halliday would have something positive revealed about him at the end, feel free to have your hopes dashed like the little ones against the rocks. He stopped speaking to Og simply because he was jealous that he didn't get to marry the perfect nerd fantasy girl.

quote:

�What are you going to do?� I asked. �During the fight?�

�Sit back and watch, of course!� he said. �This looks to be the most epic battle in videogame history.� He grinned at me one last time, then stepped through the door and was gone, leaving me alone in the dimly lit hallway.

I spent a few minutes thinking about everything Morrow had told me. Then I walked over to my own immersion bay and stepped inside.

It was a small spherical room. A gleaming haptic chair was suspended on a jointed hydraulic arm attached to the ceiling. There was no omnidirectional treadmill, because the room itself served that function. While you were logged in, you could walk or run in any direction and the sphere would rotate around and beneath you, preventing you from ever touching the wall. It was like being inside a giant hamster ball.

I've actually been in one of these rotating sphere VR systems before. They're terrible pieces of crap and nearly impossible to even walk in because the ball doesn't rotate smoothly to match your movements (since your feet are what pushes it), so it's less running in any direction and more stumbling like a toddler first learning to walk before inevitably faceplanting.

quote:

I climbed into the chair and felt it adjust to fit the contours of my body. A robotic arm extended from the chair and slipped a brand-new Oculance visor onto my face. It, too, adjusted so that it fit perfectly. The visor scanned my retinas and the system prompted me to speak my new pass phrase: �Reindeer Flotilla Setec Astronomy.�

I took a deep breath as the system logged me in.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 19:08

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

Poulpe posted:

I am reaching verrrrrry hard here but with an extremely liberal interpretation it could be assumed that they want them alive and incensed to solve the egg hunt to continue giving them solutions to the keys/gates, and then when they were all near the end and ready to snatch the victory out of the gunters' hands (which is basically now, in the plot) they could kill them off because they were finished using them. (Which they are more or less planning to do.)

That said, that still leaves them filming the murder they committed and saving it to their servers a bizarrely idiotic plot hole.

IOI is allowed to have what I assuming is government sanctioned legal slaves out of people who couldn't pay their regular credit card debt. And if you get out of the building they get to put a legal execution order out for you. So I guess they can get away with saving footage of them killing people because its probably required for their regular audits or something.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 19:11

ShinsoBEAM!: Nov 6, 2008; "Even if this body of mine is turned to dust, I will defend my country."

WALL of SCIENCE! posted:

Vox has a really good takedown of why RPO is Bad, Actually.

That seems like a better article on why the general opinion on the book turned, not an article on why the book is bad. Gamergate didn't suddenly make the book bad by making gamer escapism bad. The problem is the escapism element itself in this book is bad. I have no problem with trashy escapism garbage, I don't even have a problem with bungled sentences and clunky dialog if what I enjoy is there, but the escapism is extremely shallow 80s kids remember this, put around a sub-par wrapper. The fact that all these sites couldn't put that together back then is still a problem. Trying to tie this in with video game culture/gamergate in general when it's almost exclusively gen X "geek" stuff also makes me twitch. Though I do find the premise of gamergate occuring caused many people to look at geek culture stuff more critically an interesting one.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 19:16

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 17:37

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Also, I was given a recommendation from Back Hack to tackle Monster Hunter International next. This was an easy solution, partly because I could get a Kindle copy for free and partly because this is the synopsis:

quote:

Welcome to Monster Hunter International.

Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a fourteenth story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer.

It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Officially secret, some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. On the other side are the people who kill monsters for a living. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit.

It's actually a pretty sweet gig, except for one little problem. An ancient entity known as the Cursed One has returned to settle a centuries old vendetta. Should the Cursed One succeed, it means the end of the world, and MHI is the only thing standing in his way. With the clock ticking towards Armageddon, Owen finds himself trapped between legions of undead minions, belligerent federal agents, a cryptic ghost who has taken up residence inside his head, and the cursed family of the woman he loves.

Business is good . . .

And this is the author bio on Amazon:

quote:

Larry Correia is hopelessly addicted to two things: guns and B-horror movies. He has been a gun dealer, firearms instructor, accountant, and is now a very successful writer. He shoots competitively and is a certified concealed weapons instructor. His first novel, Monster Hunter International, is now in its sixth printing, and has been followed by Monster Hunter Vendetta, Monster Hunter Alpha, and Monster Hunter Legion. Correia�s previous novels in the Grimnoir Chronicles series were Hard Magic and Spellbound. With USAF military ordnance expert Mike Kupari, he has co-authored two novels in a military adventure series, Dead Six and Swords of Exodus. Correia resides in Utah with his very patient wife and family.

# ? Mar 27, 2018 19:21

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read Ready Player One - The Ultimate Showdown as a book

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