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WarpDogs posted:Mother in law is visiting and she's pushing us to use a pacifier hard. It's not a hill any of us wants to die on, but it's probably the first time in my entire life in which I've received advice and my first internal reaction is "shut the gently caress up, this is my thing, not yours" How long is she there? If she’s not there for weeks you can probably easily push it back without being too confrontational. Otherwise make sure to have the final say. Make sure you talk with your SO and are both on the same page. We had to fight pretty hard for our no tv rule, but it’s super worth it. Nothing worst than being pushed into decisions you disagree with when it comes to parenting
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Apr 6, 2018 20:46
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We've got a 2.5-year-old daughter and are expecting our second in October, shortly after the daughter's third birthday. Is there any agreement on when and how to tell her about her new brother?
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Apr 6, 2018 21:12
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hooah posted:We've got a 2.5-year-old daughter and are expecting our second in October, shortly after the daughter's third birthday. Is there any agreement on when and how to tell her about her new brother? When she's about six.
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Apr 6, 2018 21:17
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Thanks for the advice, goons. I think it's time I put to rest the thoughts of going back.
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Apr 6, 2018 21:23
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hooah posted:We've got a 2.5-year-old daughter and are expecting our second in October, shortly after the daughter's third birthday. Is there any agreement on when and how to tell her about her new brother? My kids are about that far apart and we told the older one after we saw the baby's heartbeat (I'd had a miscarriage just before that so waiting that long was only for my personal reasons). She loved going to my midwife appointments and getting to see the baby on ultrasounds. Babies Don't Eat Pizza and What Baby Needs by Dr Sears were really helpful to read in advance. They're 4.5 and 1.5 now and she's overall been an awesome big sister with some ups and downs. Congratulations and enjoy!
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Apr 7, 2018 00:40
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My son is 26 months and I’m due with our second in early November. I’m planning to tell him once we have the anatomy scan and know the sex so we can tell him about “little sister” or “little brother.” We’ve been potty training this week and it has been hell on wheels. I was following the Oh Crap book and felt terribly guilty every time I deviated from it. Finally today I put a pull-up on him because I just couldn’t handle cleaning up pee anymore, and for some reason he had no accidents in it and was less resistant and had way more success! It just reminds me that you can try to do everything by the book but the best parenting moments come from your instincts and just winging it.
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Apr 7, 2018 01:24
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hooah posted:We've got a 2.5-year-old daughter and are expecting our second in October, shortly after the daughter's third birthday. Is there any agreement on when and how to tell her about her new brother? We brought our older one, who was 3 at the time, to the ultrasound and it was great and I wish I'd recorded her reaction. She badly wanted a sister before that, though.
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Apr 7, 2018 01:41
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Hi_Bears posted:We’ve been potty training this week and it has been hell on wheels. I was following the Oh Crap book and felt terribly guilty every time I deviated from it. Finally today I put a pull-up on him because I just couldn’t handle cleaning up pee anymore, and for some reason he had no accidents in it and was less resistant and had way more success! It just reminds me that you can try to do everything by the book but the best parenting moments come from your instincts and just winging it. We're following Oh Crap as well, and found that we didn't spend nearly enough time in Stage 2 / 3 (pants / no underwear) during the first go-around. Our daughter was equating underwear to diapers and would go instinctually without thinking. Once we went back to Stage 2 / 3, accidents stopped at home, but continued at daycare where they required underwear. We also used pull-ups on a recent vacation because we thought she would be too excited about the warm weather / pool / amusements to think about holding in her pee, but she was surprisingly mostly accident free - and the pull-ups did really help with the couple accidents she did have since we didn't have to worry about clothing changes in the middle of an outing. For reference, we tried to push to Stage 4 in a long weekend, and accidents were happening roughly 60% of a day. After about a month of dealing with that frustration, we went back to Stage 2 / 3 for an entire month (except daycare) and accidents went down to once a week. We're now back to Stage 4, and accidents are still down to about once a week, are only pee accidents, and only ever a tiny amount because she let a little out before remembering to hold it. There's still progress to be made with self-initiation, but we certainly aren't worrying about accidents like we used to. The Oh Crap book is very strict in some areas but super loose in others, and it gets a bit confusing. I gained a lot of helpful tips from joining the book club on FB.
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Apr 7, 2018 03:53
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Spadoink posted:This sounds like remote Canada? Yes? If so, don't do it. The suicide and drug influence is way hard to shake no matter how good the homelife. Its weird to be 12 and invited to a shack where kids are huffing chemicals but I was only visiting, if I had lived there and it seemed normal, who knows what my warm-and-fuzzy homelife/overachieving brain might have made of it. As it was it didn't occur to me to even mention to my parents that the rainy afternoon was spent IN A SHACK WITH OTHER 11-13 YEAR OLDS WHO WERE HUFFING. Go back when the kids are grown. Oh I didn’t pick up that it might be a remote reserve. If so, agreed.
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Apr 7, 2018 12:18
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Good-Natured Filth posted:
I joined the fb group and find it helpful but also completely torturous because I read all these success stories of kids who just “get it” or who made huge improvements once things “clicked” and we just have not had that experience at all. I think the pull-ups are working because they have Thomas on them and “keep Thomas dry” is motivating in a way that “don’t pee on the floor” isn’t. I ordered some Thomas underwear so we’ll switch to those. But unlike what the book says, my kid doesn’t seem to instinctively pee diapers/underwear and is actually holding it a lot better with them on 
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Apr 7, 2018 14:11
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I'm in a situation where I feel like even asking strangers for advice would be helpful, and I was recommended this thread. I'm a lesbian trans woman. My girlfriend is pregnant. I know it's mine, I haven't been on t blockers very long, and I've been missing doses at least a couple times a week since day 1. So, not as impossible as I thought, just unlikely. Soap Opera rules, apparently. We're talking about whether or not to keep it. She wants to be a mother, she was planning on getting a sperm donor before she started dating me, and made it clear from the beginning that at some point, I'd either need to become a parent with her, or we wouldn't work long term. So that's not a surprise, I don't think she's trying to trap me in this. The issue is what we do now will decide the shape of our relationship. If we do terminate it, she's going to feel like she's giving up something she wanted for a long time. If she doesn't? We've been dating for less than a year. I would want to go all in on this, I'm not going to be a deadbeat. But I don't know if I'm ready for it. After several days of talks, we've narrowed it down to about four possibilities: 1. She miscarries. It's only about five weeks along, so that is still very possible. Things mostly go back to normal. 2. She terminates it, and we spend another 6 months to a year being just the two of us before we decide again. 3. We carry it out, for the long haul, or at least as long as possible before divorce happens. 4. She terminates it, and we go with one of several options that all essentially lead to us breaking up. Her preferred is 3. Mine is 2. I feel like 3 is me compromising a hell of a lot more than she is on 2, and if my options are 3 or 4, I should do 4. But good Christ is she the best partner I've ever had. We actually communicate, she's helped me more with my transition than any partner or friend I've ever met, she's warm and loving and understanding, and, to be a bit shallow, her family is loving loaded. I have a lot of trauma in my past, and it makes dating another dickhaver, even a trans woman, an unlikely prospect (as much of a hypocrite as that makes me). So, finding all of that, in a cis woman, feels like a dream come true. I'm not opposed to the idea of being a parent, not at all, but I've only just started actually seeing myself as an eligible bachelorette. Giving it up so quickly, trusting so immediately that everything will work out? That's scary. And even if we divorce and she accepts full parental right, that still changes everything about my life. A part of me says  but another part says this might be everything I've ever wanted, and I'd be giving it up because I'm scared.Help.
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Apr 7, 2018 20:27
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I’ll let you in on a secret: nobody feels prepared to be a parent, and even those that plan for and purposely conceive feel trepidation about how much their lives will change. And it does totally change, and you’ll be nostalgic for the pre-kid days, but it’s also incredibly rewarding and meaningful. If it’s not a question of IF you’ll be a parent but WHEN, then I would accept that life threw you a curveball and go with it. I’ve always been very pro-choice and before I was pregnant I thought nothing about the concept of terminating a pregnancy I wasn’t ready for (thankfully never was in that position). But now going through my second pregnancy, you get attached to that fucker so fast. Even at 5 weeks, I would be devastated to lose it. (I actually did lose one at 4ish weeks, a chemical pregnancy, and it was depressing). So I don’t know if you are fully considering how hard it would be for her to terminate, if it’s something that she has always wanted. And you don’t know if she could get pregnant easily again in 6 months or a year or whenever. I don’t think #2 is a real option because I think your relationship will irreparably change. If it were me, I’d chose #3. She sounds like someone you could spend the rest of your life with, and I think you can know that even a few weeks into a relationship.
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Apr 7, 2018 20:49
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Are you serious with her (child notwithstanding?) because it’s a bit odd to say you see yourself as an eligible batchellorette, but you’re in what I can only assume is a monogamous relationship. It’s obviously her decision to abort or not. So you can’t really pressure her. Do you want a child? Or is it that you just don’t feel ready? My wife and I had a surprise pregnancy, and we didn’t feel ready, but we cracked on with it.
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Apr 7, 2018 20:55
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That was poor phrasing. What I meant is that I'm still a catch, if we were to break up tomorrow.
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Apr 7, 2018 20:59
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My daughter's birthday was before my partner and my one-year anniversary (of meeting for the first time) so you're more established than we were at least. We both often talk about what would have happened if we'd not gone through with having a kid, would we even still be together, who knows? We definitely were both still in the young free and potentially single phase of life and not planning on settling down but when it happened we went with it and overall it's probably been good! The foetus-grower sort of gets to make the call, regardless of anything else, so if she wants to go for it then your choice becomes whether or not you want to be involved. It sounds like you probably do, at least for a while, and if after some time you want out then you're no different from literally millions of other families. It's not ideal maybe, but it'll work out.
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Apr 7, 2018 21:26
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My recommendation—inasmuch as I have any right to an opinion on the matter—is number three. And should the two of you decide twixt now and delivery that you’re not actually ready for a child, giving the child up for adoption is also an option. There are tons of people out there who would be good, loving parents but cannot have children of their own. I’m aware that there are a lot of opinions and politics around adoption, as well, and it’s not as cozy as my blurb might make it. But I suggest keeping it on your radar as well.
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Apr 8, 2018 02:40
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This podcast might be relevant: https://longestshortesttime.com/podcast-60-accidental-gay-parents/
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Apr 8, 2018 04:10
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Not sure if this is the right thread, but I'd like to know if any of you who have idiot kids/ nephews who got a drug DUI young (22) and can help me with this. My nephew got one and at some point will pull his head far enough out of his butt to realize he needs a job. Anyone have ideas on where a kid with a DUI can get ANY LEGAL/ LEGIT job with a HS diploma and a DUI? Really could use help on this.
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Apr 10, 2018 03:14
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Honestly, the legal questions megathread (found here in ask/tell) would be a better place to ask a question like that. Your post would be more appropriate to start another derail about whether or not your nephew was spanked/cried it out/co-slept etc and how it affected his choices as an adult.  I joke, I joke. Please no more derails! It might be hard to think of, but he is NOT a kid. He is an adult and has legally been an adult for 4 years now.
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Apr 10, 2018 13:00
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How do you cope when your kid is sick? My little girl is 5 weeks old and has come down with bronchiolitis after getting a cold. We were assessed at the hospital on Sunday and had a check at the doctor’s on Tuesday, and she’s doing okay. She’s getting enough breast milk and naps, and saline seems to be doing the trick to clear a bit of her snot so she can breathe more easily. I’m not really doing okay though. I look at her when she’s crying after the saline drops or when she refuses the breast because her throat hurts or the effort is too much, or whatever the issue is, and my heart breaks. She’s so small and dependent on us and she can’t communicate to us exactly what’s wrong, and it kills me. My husband is a big support, and helps by putting this all into perspective, but I find it really hard to put any emotional distance into the situation when she’s suffering. There’s a perinatal/antenatal depression helpline that is available for new parents that I’m going to call in the morning, when I’m not as stressed and it’s not 3.30 in the morning. Any tips?
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Apr 10, 2018 18:24
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femcastra posted:she’s doing okay.  I think before I gave birth I had this abstract idea of what the relationship is like by looking at how my mom was with me. But drat, it didn't really prepare me for the reality of feeling like your heart actually lives outside of your chest after giving birth.I don't know that I have any tips. I feel exactly the way you do when my kid is sick. Just want to tell you to hang in there. Do call those hotlines and make use of the resources available to you.
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Apr 10, 2018 18:36
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femcastra posted:How do you cope when your kid is sick? What you're feeling is normal and okay on all fronts. It legitimately sucks when your newborn is ill. Continue doing the best you can. It's all you can do and that's enough.
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Apr 10, 2018 18:47
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Alterian posted:It might be hard to think of, but he is NOT a kid. He is an adult and has legally been an adult for 4 years now. Big difference between being legal and being an adult. One is a number and the other is a mentality.
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Apr 10, 2018 22:17
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femcastra posted:How do you cope when your kid is sick? Your feelings are completely normal. Also, at 5 weeks old your postpartum hormones are still balancing and finding yourself emotionally overwhelmed is also normal. My daughter is almost 3, and when she’s sick I try to think of how comforting my mother was for me, and be that for her. I hope you have similar memories. At this age you’re such a big deal to them that just being there for them makes a huge difference.
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Apr 10, 2018 22:29
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I got 3 kids 4 and under. They are sick all the time colds all through the winter. Fever goes up take them to the pediatrician. 95% of the time nothing. It kind of seems like it affects them less as kids than adults. I get sick and am a whiney mess and just want to lay arounf. They are caughing snot all down their face. But still running around and no vomplainjng.
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Apr 11, 2018 06:37
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:vomplainjng. I know that’s typo, but it’s pretty apt
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Apr 11, 2018 10:01
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Oodles posted:I know that’s typo, but it’s pretty apt Agreed. Today’s been a better day, she’s fed well and has slept a lot. I got a nap in which made me feel more human.
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Apr 11, 2018 10:20
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We’re on holiday with our 5, 3 and 1 year old. I’m looking jealously at the parents with more grown up children who can have a relaxing holiday. My relaxing comes at 8PM when they’ve all gone to bed, only to be reset when they wake up again.
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Apr 11, 2018 10:36
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femcastra posted:How do you cope when your kid is sick? Just kind of parroting what everyone else said, but, although this isn't really helpful, it's totally normal and I went through the same thing a lot. It's part hormones and part your-brain-realizing-you-are-now-bigger-than-yourself. in addition to those hotlines, I would often be very transparent about my anxieties and fears to the nurses and my pediatrician and they always went out of their way to comfort me and assure me it was all fine - it really did help.
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Apr 11, 2018 14:38
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Any good advice for weaning off a dummy / pacifier? Our daughter is 14 months old and pretty much needs one to fall asleep at night unless she's utterly shattered after nursery We'd like to reduce get dependency on it...
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Apr 11, 2018 17:04
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So we're going to have a son, and my wife has brought up the circumcision discussion. We talked a out it a little before we knew the sex of our daughter, and our positions seem to be the same as before. I don't see any reason to do it, she thinks it's important for the kid that his penis looks like mine, and she worried that in the far future, potential partners would be freaked out by an uncircumcised penis. What's a good way for us to navigate this decision?
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Apr 11, 2018 17:11
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Amphigory posted:Any good advice for weaning off a dummy / pacifier? For ours, he was older before we broke his paci habit. We had him throw it in the garage trash can and then when he asked for it, we reminded him that he put it in the trash. A few rough nights of sleep followed but having him toss it was a huge step. He remembered he did it and remembered why every time he brought it up for a few weeks after.
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Apr 11, 2018 17:27
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hooah posted:she thinks it's important for the kid that his penis looks like mine I've never understood this argument; could someone explain it to me?
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Apr 11, 2018 17:29
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If your son wants to get circumcised when they are older he could be free to do so. You can't put it back on once its off. Having a newborn is such a stressful time do you also want to deal with him having a wound on his penis for no real reason?
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Apr 11, 2018 17:30
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Don't put a kid through a medical procedure if the only reason is "so his penis looks like daddy's" Wtf wife? Wtf?
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Apr 11, 2018 17:50
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Genital mutilation of infants is not cool in this posters opinion.
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Apr 11, 2018 18:06
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Hope this isn't one of those landmine conversations. Our son was circumcised at birth. For our family it was a pretty easy decision, because I was, and my wife is Jewish. I certainly don't have any strong opinions on this, and I think that either decision you make as a couple is fine. However I do recommend you come to the decision before birth. Doing the procedure right away is the safest and least painful for the kid (or so my dr. told us). I'm not sure I agree with the dealing with a penis wound being difficult POV though. Obviously there were steps needed in caring for the cut, but overall it didn't feel particularly challenging, and this was on our first born where everything else felt like a crisis all the time.
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Apr 11, 2018 19:40
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I also see it that there is a non-zero chance something could go wrong so why risk it.
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Apr 11, 2018 19:48
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Oodles posted:We’re on holiday with our 5, 3 and 1 year old. I’m looking jealously at the parents with more grown up children who can have a relaxing holiday. We took our brood of kids, ages 5 3 & 2, on two international holidays in the span of 2 months, both involving long overseas flights. One was sleeping in a van while exploring Australia. One was hopping across air bnbs in Ireland. There was fun, there was pain, there are memories. Everyone thought we were nuts. BUT - all my kids have a thirst for adventure and travel. They watch the airplanes on approach to our local airport with jealousy, they talk all the time about those trips, they have since endured hours-long road trips with ease. And I honestly think doing all these trips and enduring those long flights and driving trips will make them awesome travel companions when they are older. That's like half of what parenting is, giving them experiences and tools that will mature along with them and turn them into awesome people you can hang out with and have a great time in years to come. I mean, I hope that's how it works! I'm kind of banking on it at this point.
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Apr 11, 2018 19:50
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Alterian posted:I also see it that there is a non-zero chance something could go wrong so why risk it. Well, I do feel that there actually is some merit in 'conformity' when it comes to boys growing up and going through those lovely life issues of peers wondering why someone looks different. Some brief googling on the issue would indicate that circumcision rate stands around 75% atm, and that general medical advice is that it should be offered to all, but not required obviously. I feel if one parent feels strongly for it, and the other is ambivalent that certainly the risks involved are low enough for it to be ok. To the OP, are there specific concerns you have in objection? Your feelings count too, so I don't want you to take my defense of circumcision to be construed as saying you are wrong.
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Apr 11, 2018 20:00
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