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Apr 1, 2018 00:12
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Kevyn posted:Butch and Rover in the Morning! *laser sounds* "Comin' up after the break, YOUR chance for front-row Foreigner tickets!" *three minutes of airhorns*
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Apr 1, 2018 01:23
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The Lord Bude posted:Clever kid. Saying cheese is dumb. Well yeah, all the cool kids say "Fuzzy Pickles"
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Apr 1, 2018 03:41
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Our cat Teddy recently died. Eowyn (5): "Mommy where is Teddy?" Me: "Remember honey, he died and went into the clouds?" Eowyn: "Because he's a superhero! He's fighting the bugs in the sky!" (She really really hates bugs.)
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Apr 1, 2018 06:19
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Another thing is we teach her that when a pet dies they go up into the sky and turn into clouds. So we like to look up and find all the animal shaped clouds. One day we were at the store and in the parking lot and said: "Mommy look that looks like a DICK. Look at that DICK cloud!" After some prodding and many disgusted stares from old ladies shopping, I determined she meant stick insect.
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Apr 1, 2018 06:26
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Stairs posted:Our cat Teddy recently died. He's doing His part! I would like to know more. Something something meowbile infantry.
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Apr 1, 2018 06:36
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Beachcomber posted:He's doing His part! Starship Troopurrs
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Apr 1, 2018 07:02
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I'm from Buenos Aires and I say pet them all.
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Apr 1, 2018 09:03
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Doubtful Guest posted:I'm from Buenos Aires and I say pet them all.
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Apr 1, 2018 09:04
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Choco1980 posted:Well yeah, all the cool kids say "Fuzzy Pickles" This did not go unappreciated, thank you.
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Apr 1, 2018 10:35
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*desire to pet more intensifies*
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Apr 1, 2018 14:50
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My oldest niece made most of my WoW characters... this means I have a small army of female blood elves and a "moo-cow!"  My last visit over, I was playing to kill some time, then my brother gets home with the girls from school. Said niece rushes to me at the computer all "hey, uncle Fenrir! are you playing warcraft?" Me: "Yep, was just waiting for you guys. There's a roast beast in the oven!" Her: "Yay!" *hugs me, then immediately eyeballs the computer screen* "Ooo, who are you playing?" *sees Troll shaman, makes frumply face* "He's ugly." Me: "That's one my first characters - I made it back before you were even born." (she's 9) Her: "It's a good thing I came along then, your characters suck."
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Apr 1, 2018 20:02
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Fenrir posted:My oldest niece made most of my WoW characters... this means I have a small army of female blood elves and a "moo-cow!" She needs to learn a proper appreciation for trolls 
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Apr 1, 2018 21:48
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I play Minecraft with my niece sometimes on our iPads and she loves filling every house I build with mooshrooms because they creep me the gently caress out.
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Apr 2, 2018 01:04
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My girlfriend has a 5-year-old whose current thing is admonishing adults "don't say bad words in front of me!" The other day, the 3 of us were hanging out and my girlfriend slipped up and said "poo poo". I forget the context, but in any case, little dude immediately piped up with "don't say poo poo in front of me!" We both just about pissed ourselves laughing and reassured him he wasn't in trouble for saying that by accident. This kid is hilarious. When he was like 2 he told his dad's idiot dog to gently caress off, and one time he asked his mom, "Mom, are you a badass?" So now he's allowed to say badass, in appropriate company.
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Apr 2, 2018 11:59
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https://twitter.com/craigcalcaterra/status/980049317863022594
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Apr 2, 2018 18:45
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12 year olds are too old to be cute-funny, and too young to be actual-funny. They’re just stupid-unfunny
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Apr 3, 2018 00:20
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Kevyn posted:12 year olds are too old to be cute-funny, and too young to be actual-funny. They’re just stupid-unfunny That was kinda funny though.
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Apr 3, 2018 04:44
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Kevyn posted:12 year olds are too old to be cute-funny, and too young to be actual-funny. They’re just stupid-unfunny what do you want for your 13th birthday?
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Apr 3, 2018 09:28
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Twelve-year-olds are actually pretty funny. They're walking a fine line between childhood and adulthood (relatively) and it can lead to some amusing incidents. A decent amount of the funny stuff I've written here has been from that age group.
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Apr 3, 2018 10:37
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Here's something my daughter drew in school. She apparently really likes drawing dinosaurs loving up her school One Allosaurus came. And ate 1 person. The person's name was Nancy. Nancy is a classmate
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Apr 4, 2018 18:32
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I just remembered another one from the girlfriend's kiddo. It was his bedtime and he called out to me, "Sweet dreams!" A moment later, and a little quieter: "If you don't have sweet dreams... I don't know what to tell you."
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Apr 4, 2018 20:44
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U-DO Burger posted:Here's something my daughter drew in school. She apparently really likes drawing dinosaurs loving up her school i'm the kid taking a pic
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Apr 4, 2018 21:16
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Sis: "What did you do with Auntie Cat today?" 3 year old Nephew: "Eat." Sis: "And?" Nephew: "We had cheesy noodles." Sis: "And what else did you do?" Nephew: "And bacon." (Kid loves to eat. We did do other stuff.)
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Apr 7, 2018 01:03
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My mom was trying to do an aprils fool on my nephews/her grandsons (A/B = older/younger) Mom: Your dad got you a new cat! A: *ignores her* B: No. Mom: It's very big, and stripey and cute! A: *rolls eyes* B: *glance at brother* Noooo.... Mom: Also it's blue!! Hahaha!!! A: *sigh* B: *angry face* guess they're too old now! 
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Apr 7, 2018 01:25
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"I just farted a big man fart. I farted like Dad."
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Apr 8, 2018 01:57
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Not something a kid "said," as there was no dialogue during this exchange. But sometimes I give kids scrap paper to practice a concept during a lesson. Sometimes extra doodles get made but I don't mind as long as the kids are getting the actual lesson. Sometimes I let them keep it, sometimes i collect them. Today I collected them. One boy's paper had the correct instructions followed but then also had what looked on first glance like a bouquet of dicks springing from a shared, hairy ballsack. I immediately looked back at him but he was calmly walking away. I looked again and the dicks actually all form a strange humanoid figure. I don't think the dicks were intentional and he's not a kid that would try to pull something like that anyway but god drat I about sprained my neck from that double take. I placed the dick bouquet into the middle of the pile and didn't address it.
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Apr 10, 2018 21:22
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sweeperbravo posted:Not something a kid "said," as there was no dialogue during this exchange. But sometimes I give kids scrap paper to practice a concept during a lesson. Sometimes extra doodles get made but I don't mind as long as the kids are getting the actual lesson. Sometimes I let them keep it, sometimes i collect them. Do we need to beg you to post the image? If so, Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseee?
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Apr 10, 2018 23:01
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Linked because maybe your boss will think it's a dick, too. This is the angle I saw it as it was handed to me. I caught the right side first. The captions say "Carrot man" and "parallel parking fail."
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Apr 10, 2018 23:17
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That is absolutely 100% a four-headed dick monster.
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Apr 11, 2018 01:29
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sweeperbravo posted:Linked because maybe your boss will think it's a dick, too. This is the angle I saw it as it was handed to me. I caught the right side first. I totally see the Carrot man, but also the dicks. This kid is a genius.
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Apr 11, 2018 03:59
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sweeperbravo posted:Linked because maybe your boss will think it's a dick, too. This is the angle I saw it as it was handed to me. I caught the right side first. I don't ever want to stop looking at this picture.
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Apr 11, 2018 06:33
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Behotti posted:I totally see the Carrot man, but also the dicks. This kid is a genius.  Holy poo poo, same.EDIT: Mods please change my name to Bouquet of Carrot Man Dicks ty
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Apr 11, 2018 12:58
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Apr 11, 2018 15:04
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Apr 11, 2018 16:29
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The specks beyond the business end of the carrot man also add to the concern
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Apr 11, 2018 22:30
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The fifth graders were being ridiculous today, so I sat down to read them a picture book sarcastically (they love it). This book was a particularly uninteresting bit of pablum about a busy squirrel. ME: *reading* "Squirrel couldn't join the others because he was too..." (Waiting for "busy") KID 1: "...dead." KID 2: "...stupid." KID 3: "... pregnant!" E: THIRD GRADE GIRL: "What's this blob?" *Pokes my quadraboob* ME: "Just my gross body." OTHER GIRL: "No! You are gross AND BEAUTIFUL!" Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 12:44 on Apr 16, 2018 |
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Apr 16, 2018 12:42
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Was trying to order something for a customer at work the other day, and the device we use kept glitching on me, resulting in several trips back and forth to get it working. When I finally went back to the customer to place his order, his little boy notices I'm back and goes, 'And there you are again!'
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Apr 16, 2018 23:57
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This is from a few weeks ago. I had the old Cat in the Hat cartoon on and in one of the songs the hat is like stretching around into all different kinds of weird shapes and poo poo and one of my little boys goes "It looks like one of those big flapping balloon man things they have at the car dealerships."
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Apr 17, 2018 02:33
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:OTHER GIRL: "No! You are gross AND BEAUTIFUL!" This kid's already figured out The Human Condition in 3rd Grade.
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Apr 17, 2018 09:10
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