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Of course humans would be better than vulcans at science. I bet they think routing the engines directly through Ensign Ricky's control panel and filling it with rocks made no sense.
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Apr 17, 2018 10:36
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my favorite compare/contrast between humans and vulcans is their respective gently caress vulcans repress their feelings so bad that every seven years they become psychotic murderers with a bloodlust quenched only by killing another with their bare hands.... unless they can blast a nasty with their mate. you'd figure if cold blooded up close and personal hands on murder is on one hand, then the raunchiest most explicitly perverted deviant sex must lie on the other hand. but what do they do? they make finger guns at each other and gently stroke their partners finger guns with their own finger guns, whilst reciting the most dull uninspired "love poems" ever conceived. humans, however, shrug off the ever-present threat of complete annihilation of every single one of their spaceships (as well as the deaths of everyone on board) by equipping all of their ships with an incomprehensibly powerful unlimited fantasy generator capable of creating nearly anything, such as kersplownching some sentient life into existence on a whim and intuitively going from "wooden conference table" to "futuristic BDSM nightmare torture rack that would even give David Parker Ray the willies" with its only prompt being "um, try metal instead of wood", and why does every single federation ship need more than one of these things, placing such importance on them that they're given their own individual power source to keep them up and running even if every other system on board has gone kaput? it's literally in their mission statement: to boldly go where no one has gone before. there are no restrictions on this statement. there's no "boldly go to some planet where no one has gone before". going to a nebula, going to a romulan gloryhole, same diffy. has anyone ever been inside that sentient evil oil slick's dumper before? go on, riker, push that mess. yeah, open your mouth, let it get all up in you. we'll be picking bits of his splooge of evil out of your beard until stardate 42069. tribbles eat everything, huh? even pussy? yo, Pulaski - drop trou, doc. this one's all you. lady-bones drank poison and then smooshed with worf, her paper comparing the smooshing of klingons with the smooshing of their mortal enemies the tribbles will certainly be a hit in any number of federation medical journals. speaking of Starfleet medicals peer reviewed articles, the top brass in San Fran just can't stop talking about counselor troi's gripping study of the latent "gently caress machine" paraphilia- pursuing, whilst inebriated, sexual relations with a fully functional man-droid programmed in a variety of dickmoves/fuckstyles, and how this unique psychology might have been shaped by a childhood spent hiding from planet-roving rape gangs. much less tasteful but equally popular (in ferengi holosuites, at least) is the holoprogram "This Ain't Troi's Peer Reviewed Study on That Time When Tasha Had PTSD From The Rape Gang Planet And She hosed Data: An XXX Parody", one of many porn parody titles written anonymously and published by popular holorotica production company 'Willie T Hardcore'. And that brings it on home to the holodeck: once humanity has shaken itself free from the bondage of war, poverty, bigotry, and every other societal ill, it was only natural for sexual hangups to go down by the wayside as well. true sexual liberation hit humanity like roddenberry's legendary cum tsunami, just as humanity happened upon an entire galaxy of unlimited protuberances and orifices to explore with no shame or guilt but rather enthusiastic atta-boys encouraging every conceivable new sexual experience. in this future only one rule* exists: bring a fuckin tricorder, because somebody gotta see this poo poo. and that's why holodecks have priority over literally everything else on the shop. picard describes it as "working to better ourselves", a diplomatic way of describing thirsty-rear end humanity as having a thirst for knowledge. we've become a species that has only one true currency - novelty. new experiences, new sensations, new gently caress. and as long as there's a tricorder beepbooping away every time Beverly Crusher lights her grandma's cumcandle and fucks a belly slug, all the Barclays and Geordis, even the insatiable Rikers of the galaxy will get the opportunity to holofuck a holo-belly slug of their very own (or hey, why not holofuck holoBev as a holo-slug for that matter) because, as captain Jean Luc Picard would say, our search for knowledge - carnal and otherwise - contributes to the betterment of all humanity... one petit mort at a time. *the concept of consent has become so deeply ensconced within the collective unconscious of future man that it doesn't even need to be considered a rule, because no one could imagine sex without it. trek truly is the best possible future for humanity 
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Apr 17, 2018 12:57
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drilldo squirt posted:*Finds a race of sentient mind controlling parasites and gives them space tech.* *Dies.* *Does the exact same thing in another galaxy except they look like people this time.* Huh? The ancients didn't give the Goa'uld their tech.
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Apr 18, 2018 01:16
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I vastly prefer Star Trek thought of as being in a vacuum and not as any kind of modern day allegory or whatever.
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Apr 18, 2018 01:23
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How can you depict the future without looking to the present?
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Apr 18, 2018 05:41
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VictorianQueerLit posted:Of course humans would be better than vulcans at science. I bet they think routing the engines directly through Ensign Ricky's control panel and filling it with rocks made no sense. 
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Apr 18, 2018 06:18
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Zesty posted:Huh? The ancients didn't give the Goa'uld their tech. I could be wrong but I remember some episode about how dumb it was.
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Apr 18, 2018 06:54
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Never stop posting in this thread. ("Roddenberry's cum tsunami" has some real username potential.)
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Apr 18, 2018 07:04
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Ghostlight posted:How can you depict the future without looking to the present?
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Apr 18, 2018 07:43
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I think it's way more fun to think of anything post TOS as in it's own little history bubble and not as commentary on too many present thing is what I'm trying to say. Like maybe the writers certainly acknowledge 21st Century Earth but do not just make direct parables.
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Apr 18, 2018 07:47
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Zesty posted:Huh? The ancients didn't give the Goa'uld their tech. At the risk of diluting pure stark trek with Star Gate chat, the ancients all ascended and the Goa'uld dug up a load of their tech and used it. Someone explains that the Goa'uld are a true parasite race, even their technology was invented by others and stolen for their own ends. Its why O'Neil can use the Goa'uld tech and the ancient tech, its all the same underlying technology.
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Apr 18, 2018 08:34
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Kitchner posted:At the risk of diluting pure stark trek with Star Gate chat, the ancients all ascended and the Goa'uld dug up a load of their tech and used it. Also one of them sort of half ascended and got access to more of their knowledge and technology.
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Apr 18, 2018 10:03
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EvilTaytoMan posted:Also one of them sort of half ascended and got access to more of their knowledge and technology. Anubis was a dick.
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Apr 18, 2018 12:34
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MA-Horus posted:Anubis was a dick. He would have fit right in with the Ancients. 
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Apr 18, 2018 13:20
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EvilTaytoMan posted:He would have fit right in with the Ancients. He did! He was hanging out in the metaphorical diner.
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Apr 18, 2018 13:32
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i get that riker is miffed as a heck about having a disgraced officer with such a bad reputation being transferred to the enterprise, to the fucken FLAGSHIP, and his attitude is a reflection of this miffedness. but, and please pardon my seinfeld here, what's the deal with his little hissy fit over ensign Ro "not observing proper dress code" with her bajoran earring? for such an enlightened, tolerant bunch of bruhs, it seems really weird that starfleet would object to a tiny lil religious accoutrement like that. worf gets to wear his big ol' klingon chewbacca sash-thing, but a bajoran can't wear a dangly lil d'ja pagh?? rude.
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Apr 19, 2018 00:49
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Gatekeeper posted:i get that riker is miffed as a heck about having a disgraced officer with such a bad reputation being transferred to the enterprise, to the fucken FLAGSHIP, and his attitude is a reflection of this miffedness. but, and please pardon my seinfeld here, what's the deal with his little hissy fit over ensign Ro "not observing proper dress code" with her bajoran earring? for such an enlightened, tolerant bunch of bruhs, it seems really weird that starfleet would object to a tiny lil religious accoutrement like that. worf gets to wear his big ol' klingon chewbacca sash-thing, but a bajoran can't wear a dangly lil d'ja pagh?? yeah that poo poo is dumb as hell, starfleet never gave a gently caress before. in teh early years heavy eyeshadow was STRONGLY encouraged
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Apr 19, 2018 00:58
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Gatekeeper posted:i get that riker is miffed as a heck about having a disgraced officer with such a bad reputation being transferred to the enterprise, to the fucken FLAGSHIP, and his attitude is a reflection of this miffedness. but, and please pardon my seinfeld here, what's the deal with his little hissy fit over ensign Ro "not observing proper dress code" with her bajoran earring? for such an enlightened, tolerant bunch of bruhs, it seems really weird that starfleet would object to a tiny lil religious accoutrement like that. worf gets to wear his big ol' klingon chewbacca sash-thing, but a bajoran can't wear a dangly lil d'ja pagh?? The problem isnt a Bajoran walking around the enterprise with an earring, it was starfleet brass sending in a mission briefing that made it clear that there must not be a chance for there to be two Bajorans to be on the enterprise with slightly different earrings. Suddenly their d'jarra's are out and you are cleaning an awful lot of blood from an awful lot of hallways as the two of them decide the bridge, mess hall and arboretum of a starship is the best place to settle 4000 year old farming land easement feuds.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:14
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Gatekeeper posted:i get that riker is miffed as a heck about having a disgraced officer with such a bad reputation being transferred to the enterprise, to the fucken FLAGSHIP, and his attitude is a reflection of this miffedness. but, and please pardon my seinfeld here, what's the deal with his little hissy fit over ensign Ro "not observing proper dress code" with her bajoran earring? for such an enlightened, tolerant bunch of bruhs, it seems really weird that starfleet would object to a tiny lil religious accoutrement like that. worf gets to wear his big ol' klingon chewbacca sash-thing, but a bajoran can't wear a dangly lil d'ja pagh?? Riker is a bad manager that wants to use the rules to punish someone that pissed him off. If Geordi's creepy sperging pissed him off he could probably rules lawyer his way into taking his visor from him when he isn't near an access route so he can laugh at him stumbling around blind.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:24
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VictorianQueerLit posted:Riker is a bad manager that wants to use the rules to punish someone that pissed him off. Geordi knows you have to put up with Riker's flirting or you'll have a bad day. You don't have to put out, but you do need to make it clear you find him roguishly charming.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:27
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i mean if its just riker being spaceracist (spacist?) against bajorans thats cool and in fact good, proper, and right. but i just want to know for sure if thats the case and speaking of riker and ro, id just like to show some love for that episode where the whole ent-D crew gets mindwiped and no one can remember who or where or why they are. in the midst of all this panic and confusion, riker and ro simultaneously have the idea to be a two person voltron, so they hightail it straight to riker's quarters and immediately turn off the artificial gravity and form an aerial fellatiouroboros (i assume; its possible they just drop spandex and do the dog, but a space 69 seems more up both of their alleys) and they only take a short break for ro to wash up (UTI prevention, clever girl) and for riker to toss his trombone at warp speed to sidepiece troi. of course troi, who no matter what is still her mothers daughter, uses that betazoid empath fuckery to ensnare riker in her imzadi bullshit and dude gives up what was undoubtedly the meanest messiest ballslappingest titflappingest angriest hatefuck in the galaxy for some touchy feely troi nonsense. so ro shrugs and uploads their sex tapes to the computer and is able to replicate a riker sex toy (the Willdo). it remains her personal toy for a while, until many moons later, she has the brilliant idea to sell off the replicator pattern for a small fortune. sadly she uses it to fund the maquis "war" effort and all that latinum is wasted  a tragic ending to such a joyous tale.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:31
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Gatekeeper posted:so ro shrugs and uploads their sex tapes to the computer and is able to replicate a riker sex toy (the Willdo). it remains her personal toy for a while, until many moons later, she has the brilliant idea to sell off the replicator pattern for a small fortune. sadly she uses it to fund the maquis "war" effort and all that latinum is wasted
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Apr 19, 2018 01:33
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It made sense to me that Ro's earring would be technically against dress code because it's a dangly bit of chain that could get caught on something and cause an injury. But yeah, actually enforcing that was just Riker being a prick.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:36
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VictorianQueerLit posted:
this isnt even out of character for willie t. remember when he stumbled upon geordi and data's experiment to determine if data is capable of pure creativity? data is painting a picture while geordi watches and offers encouragement. riker walks in and promptly busts a gut over this, exclaiming "a blind man teaching a robutt how to paint?!?"
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Apr 19, 2018 01:37
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Drink-Mix Man posted:It made sense to me that Ro's earring would be technically against dress code because it's a dangly bit of chain that could get caught on something and cause an injury. But yeah, actually enforcing that was just Riker being a prick. Dangly earring bad, but this poo poo is fine?  Yeah, I'm sure giant cheerleader hair will never cause any problems.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:42
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shadow puppet of a posted:This also fully explains why Thomas Riker went maquis... poor thomas riker spent eight years stranded on nervala IV with no one and nothing to gently caress besides his fists and some memories of troi. by the time he was rescued, his dingus was a knotted, callus-covered knob that was more like a rhinoceros horn than a dingus. part of the eternal torment of thomas riker was joining the maquis only to find himself surrounded by Willdos, replicated versions of his duplicate's perfect pampered peener everywhere he looked. every time he flew, it was with the knowledge that the galaxy's love of his twin's superior dingus had paid for the ship. its no coincidence that he tried to steal a ship called The Defiant.
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Apr 19, 2018 01:47
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Gatekeeper posted:this isnt even out of character for willie t. remember when he stumbled upon geordi and data's experiment to determine if data is capable of pure creativity? data is painting a picture while geordi watches and offers encouragement. riker walks in and promptly busts a gut over this, exclaiming "a blind man teaching a robutt how to paint?!?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngsqaRD2HI8
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Apr 19, 2018 02:44
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Ghostlight posted:it was a mistake Goddamnit, I was expecting the horse playing a saxaphone and IT DID NOT DELIVER 
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Apr 19, 2018 03:02
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Johnny Aztec posted:Goddamnit, I was expecting the horse playing a saxaphone and IT DID NOT DELIVER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29-iFOEOgIM
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Apr 19, 2018 03:12
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Just want to use this one to point out that Brent Spiner actually got a fair bit of emoting out of simple glances and little facial expressions. "What do you think, Mr Data?" "What? Uh... How do I be polite about how terrible it is to the Captain, shitshitshit...."
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Apr 19, 2018 03:22
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Neddy Seagoon posted:Just want to use this one to point out that Brent Spiner actually got a fair bit of emoting out of simple glances and little facial expressions. Spiner is a brilliant character actor with a tremendous sense of comic timing. I can't think of anyone who could have done what he did with Data. Hell, even his Night Court guest spots were wonderful. There's a reason they kept bringing him back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0NmaBtpnBE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd7by2m1VDs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE6brM24yIA
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Apr 19, 2018 03:49
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Facebook Aunt posted:Dangly earring bad, but this poo poo is fine? troi was always out of uniform and then there's worf wearing his whatever that was all the time
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Apr 19, 2018 04:15
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Ghostlight posted:it was a mistake wait geodi sleeps in his uniform? on top of the sheets??
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Apr 19, 2018 05:31
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Powered Descent posted:Spiner is a brilliant character actor with a tremendous sense of comic timing. I can't think of anyone who could have done what he did with Data. seriously, the thing ive noticed the most rewatching tng lately has been just how goddamn funny spiner is, and how much he was able to do with the most subtle facial expressions and slight pauses in his speech. tng is a lot funnier than i remembered* and the first two seasons (which i think despite their shortcomings are still judged way too harshly, they're weird and bizarre and take a lot of chances and do risky poo poo that the "best" seasons would never have the balls to try, plus the music is really good) have some incredibly good offbeat comedy that the later seasons never really attempt anymore since it doesnt really click with the formula they've settle on by then. and most of that humor comes from the great poo poo data does. like i'm watching this episode from season two, Contagion:  this poo poo was awesome. data seems genuinely excited and very confident in himself here (just a moment ago, an Iconian gateway opened up, and when Worf goes "could it be a hologram?" data practically sprints towards it and just shoves his arm through. Picard is like "dataohmygodgetbackhereholyshitdatawhatthefuckman" and yanks him back from the gate, and data is like "what? i proved its not a hologram. wrong again, worf  "). he's like "aha! i have access to this thingy!" and he confidently begins tippitytapping away and then ZAPPO! he's down like a big honkin mosquito on a bright blue bug zapper. it would have been worthy of a silent internal chuggle to begin with, but the way spiner sells the moment elevates it to an actual audible chortle or perhaps a half-stifled guffaw, maybe a hearty sustained muttley wheeze.that creepster who plays wesley-diddler The Traveler (that lumbering flipper-handed grossout who begins grooming The Boy in season one then returns to cash in on his investment at the end of season seven) was actually a pube's width away from snatching up the role of data right out of brent spiner's blood-soaked mittens. but spiner aint to be trifled with, as everyone soon learned (and never, ever forgot) and that now-traumatized dorkapotamus was offered the role of the Traveler as a bribe to not go public with spiner's vengeful misdeeds (its speculated that spiner's depravity would have led to his gore-lust being set upon the cast and crew sooner rather than later anyway, and the whole "almost losing the role of Data" thing was just an excuse, but those still living who know the truth have obviously compartmentalized events to the point where they honestly believe they dont know what im talking about when i ask them at conventions and theyre basically programmed to just call security at that point, but as they drag me away i always spot him nearby - spiner is always present, lurkin and spyin and droppin' them eaves, and he knows, and i know he knows i know...) and i can't imagine how different things would have been if that big doofy fucker played data instead. i just cant imagine him bringing even a tenth of the brilliant comedic timing and subtle hilarity that spiner is capable of post-crimegasm, when the moon calls to him no longer. *or maybe its just watching tng after voy, with tom "white guilt milquetoast" paris and his sidekick harry "the tokin' token" kim, with special guests "Pederast Space Cat the Comedy Black Hole" and the only source of any actual laughs "Doctor Who Is So Much Better Than This Show That I Have To Assume He's Being Punished For Something And This Is His Purgatory", plus the occasional unintentional comedy of janeway's numerous atrocities. also worth a laugh or two is playing "spot the 'gimme or i quit' producers' concessions to beltran" game during the latter seasons which tends to involve tongue-kissing the borg babe or noticing that the original script clearly had a bigger part for chakotay but the part was pared down to almost nothing and a lot of bad filler was slapped into the empty grooves to make up for beltran "just not feeling it" that day
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Apr 19, 2018 05:41
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Elder Postsman posted:wait geodi sleeps in his uniform? on top of the sheets??
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Apr 19, 2018 05:45
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Ghostlight posted:it's that or cut-off jean shorts. see i pegged geordi for an Ever-Nude, the exact opposite of tobias. when you peep geordi, you're actually peepin' holographic duds projected over his smooth, supple nubian flesh. his nubby lil warp core is constantly ready to breach at the thought of being ever nude beneath a smattering of uniform colored photons. pay attention to how he grinds into his chair every time he sits down, or how he points his visor towards bev and troi every time he gives a nice wide manspread. its so obvious.
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Apr 19, 2018 05:55
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Gatekeeper posted:seriously, the thing ive noticed the most rewatching tng lately has been just how goddamn funny spiner is, and how much he was able to do with the most subtle facial expressions and slight pauses in his speech. tng is a lot funnier than i remembered* and the first two seasons (which i think despite their shortcomings are still judged way too harshly, they're weird and bizarre and take a lot of chances and do risky poo poo that the "best" seasons would never have the balls to try, plus the music is really good) have some incredibly good offbeat comedy that the later seasons never really attempt anymore since it doesnt really click with the formula they've settle on by then. and most of that humor comes from the great poo poo data does. like i'm watching this episode from season two, Contagion: This was fantastic, even for you.
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Apr 19, 2018 06:01
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Gatekeeper posted:see i pegged geordi for an Ever-Nude, the exact opposite of tobias. when you peep geordi, you're actually peepin' holographic duds projected over his smooth, supple nubian flesh. his nubby lil warp core is constantly ready to breach at the thought of being ever nude beneath a smattering of uniform colored photons. pay attention to how he grinds into his chair every time he sits down, or how he points his visor towards bev and troi every time he gives a nice wide manspread. its so obvious. It raises an interesting philosophical point: if you aren't wearing any clothes, but you have a holograph projected of clothes over your body and everyone thinks you're wearing clothes, are you still, in fact, naked? This is why I loved Star Trek, it always tackled the big questions.
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Apr 19, 2018 08:48
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Odo wears nothing but his commbadge.
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Apr 19, 2018 09:07
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Gatekeeper posted:fellatiouroboros Gatekeeper, I just want to thank you for this beautiful and hilarious word you created  .
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Apr 19, 2018 09:07
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