Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

Commie Lasorda: May 15, 2009; IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

I hate the nards who post dumb photos thinking they're Ansel Adams with stupid themes

"Oh look 3 people of varying ages who look like the same person"

No they don't. They don't look similar at all. You discreetly took a photo of three random people at a Starbucks and without permission posted their faces up for thousands of people to see you seething giddy rear end in a top hat.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 04:08

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 18:17

Elderbean: Jun 10, 2013

The worst part about those recipies is that they can't write them like normal people. It's always like "chop your onions LIKE A BOSS and toss those motherfuckers in the pot. Then, carmalize those bitches. *posts Reddit meme drawing of a guy in shades

Just shut the gently caress up and describe the steps like a normal human.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 04:12

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

People who makes puns should burn in hell

I'm looking at you, O. Henry

# ? Apr 20, 2018 04:40

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~

Another good subreddit is r/biggerthanyouthought because it's r/tittydrop with almost exclusively big ol funbags

# ? Apr 20, 2018 04:43

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

SpazmasterX posted:

Speaking of food, r/gifrecipes is great. Inevitably almost all gifrecipes created are loving terrible and you get to make fun of the idiots that thought it was such a good recipe. Like everything ever posted by Tasty.

r/food is a bad subreddit and I'm pretty sure they banned me at one point for critiquing someone's food.

Edit: haha yeah they banned me for talking poo poo about some stupid no bake cheesecake

i actually kinda like gifrecipes or at least the ones that make the front page. i dont go into the subreddits often at all

# ? Apr 20, 2018 05:55

friendly 2 da void: Mar 23, 2018

Elderbean posted:

The worst part about those recipies is that they can't write them like normal people. It's always like "chop your onions LIKE A BOSS and toss those motherfuckers in the pot. Then, carmalize those bitches. *posts Reddit meme drawing of a guy in shades

Just shut the gently caress up and describe the steps like a normal human.

This unfortunately comes from Something Awful. All the early (we're talking like 2004) recipe posts in GBS before Goons With Spoons came about were stuff like "Alright BITCHES it's time to motherfucking chop those mothershitting shallots!!"

I guess it was the only way Internet Males could make cooking seem acceptable. Too bad it was so hugely influential.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 05:58

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

Along with r/imgoingtohellforthis, which reminds me of oldschool SA, i enjoy reading r/the_donald and r/kotakuinaction

# ? Apr 20, 2018 06:15

Maldoror: Oct 5, 2003; by R. Guyovich; Nap Ghost

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Apr 20, 2018 06:44

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:

I hate the nards who post dumb photos thinking they're Ansel Adams with stupid themes

"Oh look 3 people of varying ages who look like the same person"

No they don't. They don't look similar at all. You discreetly took a photo of three random people at a Starbucks and without permission posted their faces up for thousands of people to see you seething giddy rear end in a top hat.

Another thing I fuckin hate about Reddit:

- here�s a totally boring normal photo with some dumb sob story attached

- here�s a photo of me when I was 4 and now here�s me doing a similar pose!!!

- here�s a picture of me being comically obese and here�s one where I�m less obese

Yeah that�s 3 things so what

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:32

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Also I found the subreddits /r/autofellatio and /r/selffuck

some highlight thread titles:

�My cock keeps moving down between my legs when I self suck�

�My progress - so happy and proud�

�Just came in my rear end for the first time! My experience / thoughts�

�How to get balls into your own rear end?�

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:39

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

gbs but from 2004 posted:

“Just came in my rear end for the first time! My experience / thoughts”

This mf stole my post idea

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:41

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Triple post I know but drat:

some guy from Reddit who fucks his own rear end posted:

So I've heard about self loving for over a year now, and the thought of it has always turned me on since I love to gently caress my rear end with dildos. I've experimented in the past with self loving, but never had any luck! I was never able to push it in. So I gave up.

A few months pass up to now and I've still never cum from loving my rear end, and I've been trying for a while. Recently I discovered chastity cages, and decided to get one, put it on, and gave the keys to my girlfriend (with one emergency key at home). I really love jerking off, so with my cock locked up, there was no way I was doing that for a while. I had it on for a few days, and was really, really horny, so I shaved up, grabbed the enema, and started loving away with my dildos.

After about a half hour of doing that, I was somehow reminded of self loving, and remembered how badly I wanted to actually do it, so I said 'gently caress it', grabbed my key, unlocked my schlong (which was good cause it was already flaccid from no stimulation), and immediately sat on my tub edge with my cock behind me.

At this point, I was pretty well loose from all the dildo loving, and very lubed up, so I started getting myself hard from behind me.

So here I am, with my incredibly hard cock lined up with my rear end in a top hat, pressing so hard trying to get it in and trying not to have my fingers slip from the lube and accidentally scratch my dick with my fingernails (be careful with that btw, I did it in a previous attempt. sucks.)

No luck so far, so I thought it would be a good idea to put my hand under my cock from the front, and put my body weight on top to have precise pressure for penis insertion.
This was a great idea, but it took me a bit to find a good position for my balls because I kept almost crushing them.

I thought maybe I wasn't loose enough? So I stuck a few fingers in, and that definitely wasn't the case. Back at it.
Went back to trying to push the head in. I kept getting it inside little by little but not complete insertion, until about a minute later.. my entire head the slipped in! Like, my penis was actually in my rear end in a top hat. Holy poo poo.

So my heart is racing, mind is numb, not sure what I'm doing, and I'm kinda scared my dick will fall out and I won't be able to get it back in.
I start to rock back and forth. This was a great idea, and felt super good.

Unfortunately, I came in about 5-10 seconds, and it took me about 3 hours to get to this point (in total, from it enema, dildo loving, to this). But, I am extremely lucky to have even cum. I'm not entirely sure if semen actually came out of the tip, cause there was so much lube everywhere, but I definitely came!

So, in conclusion, I really enjoyed the experience. It went by so fast I don't really remember the loving itself, just that it felt pretty dang good.

I'm no pro, but if I could offer a tip to anyone struggling to gently caress their rear end, I'd say this:

- MAKE SURE YOURE LOOSE!!!

I'm seriously positive that this was my problem in the past. If you're not loose enough, it will never go in. And I'm talking loose enough for 3+ fingers with no problem getting them in there.

TLDR; hosed my rear end with my dick, felt great for about 5 seconds, came, not sure if cum came out. Hell yeah.

Edit: I'm gonna keep doing this and hopefully get better at it, and potentially take some pics.

Well I know what I�m doing tonight

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:42

Vargs: Mar 27, 2010

gbs but from 2004 posted:

Also I found the subreddits /r/autofellatio and /r/selffuck

some highlight thread titles:

�My cock keeps moving down between my legs when I self suck�

�My progress - so happy and proud�

�Just came in my rear end for the first time! My experience / thoughts�

�How to get balls into your own rear end?�

are you sure these aren't gbs threads?

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:47

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Vargs posted:

are you sure these aren't gbs threads?

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:48

Lauroon Kyanka: Sep 17, 2017; *trips on a ladybug*

*dies of old age*

that website is being astroturf to hell. it's literally just advertising bots talking to other advertising bots. anyone that doesn't like the product gets shadowbanned.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:54

Blazing Ownager: Jun 2, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

gbs but from 2004 posted:

- those dumb poems by that dumb user that are always the top comment

- puns

- reddit self references

- reddit

Ok thanks then

Reddit is fine. Redditors are the problem.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 07:57

Vargs: Mar 27, 2010

Lauroon Kyanka posted:

that website is being astroturf to hell. it's literally just advertising bots talking to other advertising bots. anyone that doesn't like the product gets shadowbanned.

every now and then I see posts from r/INEEEEDIT or whatever and it makes me wonder what percentage of the people there are advertising bots, and what percentage are the worst human beings on planet earth. it's some kind of nightmarish consumerist dystopia straight out of a black mirror episode that was cut for being too over-the-top. the experience never fails to bring me one step closer to understanding the minds of islamic radicals who want to burn our society to the ground

# ? Apr 20, 2018 08:31

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Vargs posted:

every now and then I see posts from r/INEEEEDIT or whatever and it makes me wonder what percentage of the people there are advertising bots, and what percentage are the worst human beings on planet earth. it's some kind of nightmarish consumerist dystopia straight out of a black mirror episode that was cut for being too over-the-top. the experience never fails to bring me one step closer to understanding the minds of islamic radicals who want to burn our society to the ground

i guess you could describe me as an �influencer� and reddit as being my office and furthermore,

# ? Apr 20, 2018 08:33

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

I will never forgive reddit people for kicking me out of the Gryffindor subreddit for allegedly "breaking the rules".

# ? Apr 20, 2018 08:42

Damo: Nov 8, 2002; The second-generation Pontiac Sunbird, introduced by the automaker for the 1982 model year as the J2000, was built to be an inexpensive and fuel-efficient front-wheel-drive commuter car capable of seating five.; Offensive Clock

Blazing Ownager posted:

Reddit is fine. ~~Redditors~~ people are the problem.

really though, reddit is bad as well. the stupid upvote system ugh. it basically ruins any chance at decent discussion.

tip: always sort by controversial

# ? Apr 20, 2018 09:19

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

Reddit sucks donkey poo poo for discussion. It's literally just youtube comments for fucks sake

Reddit is good for gifs and funny pictures, that's it

# ? Apr 20, 2018 10:59

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Fartbox posted:

Reddit sucks donkey poo poo for discussion. It's literally just youtube comments for fucks sake

Reddit is good for gifs and funny pictures, that's it

But what about those hilarious reddit gimmick accounts that do a poem or draw a dumb picture some are called PM ME UR BOOBS lmao

# ? Apr 20, 2018 11:23

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

the only kind of discussion reddit supports is a two-way discussion between two users. if a third user joins the discussion, you just end up with three two-way discussions, instead of a discussion between three people.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 12:35

pop fly to McGillicutty: Feb 2, 2004; A peckish little mouse!

Guys, I think us mocking Reddit is the reason so many Trump chuds are here now.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 12:52

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

pop fly to McGillicutty posted:

Guys, I think us mocking Reddit is the reason so many Trump chuds are here now.

Post reddit weird porn sub thread / comments highlights ITT from now on

# ? Apr 20, 2018 13:28

LoonyLeif: Jul 17, 2001; You know, if Dave Thomas is really dead, then how does he keep coming out with all these new sandwiches?

friendly 2 da void posted:

This unfortunately comes from Something Awful. All the early (we're talking like 2004) recipe posts in GBS before Goons With Spoons came about were stuff like "Alright BITCHES it's time to motherfucking chop those mothershitting shallots!!"

I guess it was the only way Internet Males could make cooking seem acceptable. Too bad it was so hugely influential.

I can confirm. I have a recipe saved in my Google Docs from years ago. It was for homemade Skor Bars, a toffee-like dessert. I totally forgot it came from SA originally.

Over Thanksgiving I was driving with my mom and telling her about this recipe and how we should make it. I took out my phone, loaded the Skor Bar recipe, and handed it to her to read while I drove.

She read the entire thing aloud, right until the very end where it says, "and there you have it, an incredibly simple dessert that will blow the panties off any girls who are impressed with guys that can cook."

Thanks, GWS. We didn't even make the recipe, probably for the best imho.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:11

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Please post the recipe!

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:19

LoonyLeif: Jul 17, 2001; You know, if Dave Thomas is really dead, then how does he keep coming out with all these new sandwiches?

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Please post the recipe!

http://goonswithspoons.com/How_To_Make_Skor_Bars!

They are actually really good, though. I never had someone try to sleep with me because of them, but they did prompt the Angry Office Accountant Lady to stop being angry for a few minutes to ask for the recipe.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:33

smoke sumthin bitch: Dec 14, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

the weird thing about reddit is how they manage to be a safe haven for pedophiles and nazis but at the same time they hate free speech and will ban you for not echo chambering

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:39

Conch Shell Corp: Feb 24, 2009

when they buy accounts and post in GBS

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:44

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

LoonyLeif posted:

http://goonswithspoons.com/How_To_Make_Skor_Bars!

They are actually really good, though. I never had someone try to sleep with me because of them, but they did prompt the Angry Office Accountant Lady to stop being angry for a few minutes to ask for the recipe.

That sounds good. She was probably very aroused.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:50

Basch lives!: May 31, 2011; Grimy Drawer; Dinosaur Gum

When I find a long comment chain of puns sometimes I'll go through each profile of each user and find a recent comment of their's with only 1 upvote. Then downvote the motherfucker. Even if the comment was good or generally agreeable. Just to hit them where it hurts. Because you know their horrible, stupid loving pun has like a hundred upvotes.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 14:58

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Puns are the worst and I remember when that poo poo used to happen in gbs as well, I'm glad it died

# ? Apr 20, 2018 15:01

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Person 1: "Man, that's one long rear end cat!"

Person 2: "Oh wow, I didn't know cats haaaad asses! :smug:

"

*70 reply tangent thread with puns, m'ladies, and bad jokes

# ? Apr 20, 2018 15:03

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

ElGroucho posted:

Person 2: "Oh wow, I didn't know cats haaaad asses! "

Is this what that guy meant when he said there was a bot that replies to "x rear end y" with something cause it's extremely fuckin trash

# ? Apr 20, 2018 15:05

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

Why hell did r/randomactsofpizza get locked?

Reddit is good for boobies and lovely youTube memes (/r/youtubehaiku/) but that's it.

/r/canada is modded by a white nationalist but who cares because lol if you use reddit as a reliable news source.

# ? Apr 20, 2018 15:16