|
Power_of_the_glory posted:Hi, I've been a skeleton for a few decades doing various errands for my master. Unfortunately, he was slain by a group of adventurers while I was away collecting corpses. So I'm now unemployed and have had no luck finding employment. It has been a long time since I've had to pound the pavement, but why are job requirements so insane nowadays? You would think being an animate skeleton would be enough for menial work, but now everyone demands a college degree. I tried to go finish my degree from back when I still had flesh, but how am I supposed to get financing when the banks discriminate against me for being dead? Bigots. Any tips would be appreciated. If you're willing to occasionally be the main consciousness of a colossal bone golem used primarily for the purpose of reminding the local governments that my income is not taxable, as well as battling the occasional eldritch monstrosity that I may have inadvertently allowed to enter our reality, I'm definitely willing to hire you on a trial basis. There's plenty of on-the-job training so the most important quality is your willingness to take on new responsibilities. There may even be room for advancement to higher forms of undeath as well.
|
#
?
Feb 20, 2018 03:10
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 22:53 |
|
|
naem posted:PLUS they both got really into libertarian politics and as a being of pure evil I am of course a staunch republican I avoid labels. Except ArchMagus the Great.
|
|
#
?
Feb 20, 2018 21:12
|
|
|
poo poo. Ive shifted my conciouness through too many paralell universes and now Im pretty sure the adventurers that are hunting me are good versions of me that banded togther.
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2018 21:59
|
|
|
Bacontotem posted:poo poo. Ive shifted my conciouness through too many paralell universes and now Im pretty sure the adventurers that are hunting me are good versions of me that banded togther. You got a Council Of Ricks situation, huh? What you need is your own Council of Reeds.
|
|
#
?
Feb 24, 2018 23:36
|
|
|
Hey if anyone wants to swing by later tonight we're gonna get real hosed up on portals and party with some frost giants.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 02:21
|
|
|
Sometimes I have a difficult time deciding on if I should wear the pants with INT+1 or the pants with more armor, I mostly want to impress the girl at GameStop but I admit there's a very high chance I will eventually immolate her with a whirlwind of fire.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 02:28
|
|
|
Lowtax posted:Sometimes I have a difficult time deciding on if I should wear the pants with INT+1 or the pants with more armor, I mostly want to impress the girl at GameStop but I admit there's a very high chance I will eventually immolate her with a whirlwind of fire. It doesn't matter what pants you wear, girls aren't impressed by your pants. They're impressed by being yourself, and by world domination.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 03:26
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:It doesn't matter what pants you wear, girls aren't impressed by your pants. They're impressed by being yourself, and by world domination. Why the gently caress would you want to dominate the world, most of it is terrible
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 03:39
|
|
|
I’m a traditionalist, so I always wear a robe. Plus, I save valuable time by not having to unzip.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 04:40
|
|
|
Hotdog In A Hallway posted:I’m a traditionalist, so I always wear a robe. Plus, I save valuable time by not having to unzip. You know what other group of people wear robes? That's right: people who just took a shower.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 04:45
|
|
|
Lowtax posted:Why the gently caress would you want to dominate the world, most of it is terrible Skeletons and meat.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 06:34
|
|
|
Lowtax posted:You know what other group of people wear robes? That's right: people who just took a shower. I maintain a strict code of personal hygiene. Minion tier and below are free to be as rank as possible to distract adventurers. But once you're part of the meetings or have responsibility on a dungeon floor, you have to stay clean. I might be evil, but that doesn't mean I want to stink to high heaven
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 08:46
|
|
|
Lowtax posted:Why the gently caress would you want to dominate the world, most of it is terrible Um, hello? Evil wizards. We're all terrible. Also, let me take this opportunity to remind you to Keep The Laws, new guy. Keep Them!
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 12:57
|
|
|
It's dominate the world, not rule it. Leave ruling to all the terrified nobility and just force them to give you whatever you want when you drop by to collect. Build your pleasure palace atop your fortress of evil and skip out on all the lovely parts of (un)life.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 15:17
|
|
|
I've had some sort of crackhead crashing on my couch for a few days, I think he might be some sort of narcomancer? Is that a thing? Anyway, now he says he had a vision or something and keeps repeating "they're coming for us" and "the technocracy". And I'm like "what the hell have you been smoking son", but he won't shut up, and I'm not exactly a potions master, so I went out get some chamomile tea, which I hear can be good for situations like this. I just got back and found my door unlocked, and the guy is gone. There is some blood spatter on the wall and some sort of smoking pile of ash by the couch. Should I be concerned? I mean, intellectually I know he probably just spontaneously combusted from smoking all that hashish or whatever, but... there is this large black van I've never seen before parked outside the building.
|
|
#
?
Feb 25, 2018 18:35
|
|
|
Mooey Cow posted:I've had some sort of crackhead crashing on my couch for a few days, I think he might be some sort of narcomancer? Is that a thing? Anyway, now he says he had a vision or something and keeps repeating "they're coming for us" and "the technocracy". And I'm like "what the hell have you been smoking son", but he won't shut up, and I'm not exactly a potions master, so I went out get some chamomile tea, which I hear can be good for situations like this. If the Technocracy has found a way to insulate themselves from the physics wildcard nature of magic use, you are in some deep poo poo, my friend.
|
|
#
?
Feb 26, 2018 06:21
|
|
|
He's just having an identity crisis like the rest of us who won't be evil much longer *summons blunt*
|
|
#
?
Feb 26, 2018 06:58
|
|
|
Lol I just catfished this paladin super hard! Turned him right into a catfish
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2018 19:44
|
|
|
Stuff him and mount him on the wall!
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2018 20:48
|
|
|
marijuanamancer posted:He's just having an identity crisis like the rest of us who won't be evil much longer  That black van is back now and I used a spell of remote viewing to see who's inside. Apparently it's a big hulk of a man in a trench coat. Weird thing is, suddenly it was like he looked right at me and I swear his eyes flashed red. I shut off the spell right away and am now posting from the pocket dimension I have created in my closet. CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:If the Technocracy has found a way to insulate themselves from the physics wildcard nature of magic use, you are in some deep poo poo, my friend.
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2018 20:55
|
|
|
Mooey Cow posted:That black van is back now and I used a spell of remote viewing to see who's inside. Apparently it's a big hulk of a man in a trench coat. Weird thing is, suddenly it was like he looked right at me and I swear his eyes flashed red. I shut off the spell right away and am now posting from the pocket dimension I have created in my closet. The Laws Of Magic (Keep Them!) interact with the Laws Of Physics (Keep Them Also, But If You Have To Choose Obviously Choose The Magic Ones, Doy) in some hilarious and spectacular ways. It's why being a wizard of any type is so rad. Someone tries to use simple pulleys or levers nearby while you're casting a spell? Explosion. Someone tries to use something more complex than a pulley or lever? Complex explosion. Explosions are radical, and effectively Magic always wins over Technology. But if these guys, the Technocracy, if their "super scientists" (what they have instead of wizards) have found a way to get a van parked near your house and the engine or electronics system hasn't blown up from your scrying, etc, I'd say you've got a huge problem and they may vivisect you if they get you, to see how you Magic. If you can move the entrance to that pocket plane from within you really should.
|
|
#
?
Feb 27, 2018 21:19
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 04:26
|
|
|
On my plane, I rendered all the elves into inter-dimensional portal lubricant. That's all they're good for, really. That and if a tree needs a hug, but most trees can't survive on my plane due to my defiling magic and also gently caress trees and their feelings, and gently caress elves too.
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 22:28
|
|
|
Mooey Cow posted:I've had some sort of crackhead crashing on my couch for a few days, I think he might be some sort of narcomancer? Is that a thing? Anyway, now he says he had a vision or something and keeps repeating "they're coming for us" and "the technocracy". And I'm like "what the hell have you been smoking son", but he won't shut up, and I'm not exactly a potions master, so I went out get some chamomile tea, which I hear can be good for situations like this. Nah man, we necromancers raise the dead and make their bodies do whatever we bid, you know, necro in greek means dead. We normally have shining green eyes, pale skin and a ton of greenish veins all over our bodys. Narcomancers on the other hand make people go to sleep (narcos is greek for , "to put to sleep"). So I'm pretty sure he lit up his stash and went to sleep some other place. hth
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 22:53
|
|
|
I want to raise somebody from the dead who committed suicide, just to be an rear end in a top hat and laugh at them
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:03
|
|
|
Machines fueled by blood and existential despair are really "in" right now.
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:21
|
|
|
It's pretty fuckken funny, just don't necromance the guys that mangled their bodies with a shotgun to the face, since they're as good as a sack of potatoes.
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:22
|
|
|
Lowtax posted:I want to raise somebody from the dead who committed suicide, just to be an rear end in a top hat and laugh at them That's what I did to this Goodly Dragon I had under mind control. Now I have his suffering and a draco lich. Man, that was a good turn to a bad week!
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:31
|
|
|
PhantomPayne posted:It's pretty fuckken funny, just don't necromance the guys that mangled their bodies with a shotgun to the face, since they're as good as a sack of potatoes. Lol, just lol if you don't know a good fleshsculpting spell.
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:42
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Lol, just lol if you don't know a good fleshsculpting spell. Fleshsculpting is basic second year poo poo. lol if you don't know any mindsculpting. Sure, the resultant personality is always different, but its not like you're raising an undead minion because Kurt always knew good jokes. Functionality is the key here.
|
|
#
?
Mar 8, 2018 23:46
|
|
|
CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Lol, just lol if you don't know a good fleshsculpting spell. Why would I waste perfectly good resources and magicks on a puny useless suicidal guy that I want to make fun of? I thought the point was for him to suffer in life for lols. Also lol if you've never necromanced a huge rear end tank dragon and gave him the personality of a retarded corgi.
|
|
#
?
Mar 9, 2018 00:05
|
|
|
UltraRed posted:That's what I did to this Goodly Dragon I had under mind control. Now I have his suffering and a draco lich. Man, that was a good turn to a bad week! PhantomPayne posted:Why would I waste perfectly good resources and magicks on a puny useless suicidal guy that I want to make fun of? I thought the point was for him to suffer in life for lols. AHEM
|
|
#
?
Mar 9, 2018 01:21
|
|
|
PhantomPayne posted:Why would I waste perfectly good resources and magicks on a puny useless suicidal guy that I want to make fun of? I thought the point was for him to suffer in life for lols. Lol if you are constrained by petty things like reagents. Just use defiling magics, and suck the life out of something that regenerates, like a bog troll. A good fleshsculpting spell won't even put a dent in one. Also, lol indeed if you have never never necromanced a huge rear end tank dragon and gave him the personality of a retarded corgi.
|
|
#
?
Mar 9, 2018 06:35
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Apr 7, 2018 05:40
|
|
|
You know, that's how my good pal Mondain got his start. He was doing so well before the Avatar of Virtue dismantled his entire family (literally, in that Exodus kid's case... I think he was a robot?) one by one before deciding she was too good to loot random strangers' houses. She had a masterful evil rogue way of doing it, too. I mean, first she asked your name, then your job, and the next thing you knew she was saying bye and all your reagents are gone but you swear you heard the gold pieces hit the table.
|
|
#
?
Apr 8, 2018 09:16
|
|
|
im guessing all the good skeletons have wandered off or been snatched up already but if anyone's near sweden they just found a whole loving village of 1500 year old vikings who were apparently murdered en masse in their homes and left to rot where they fell. what a loving backstory for a skeleton army, i bet you barely even need magic to get them dancing
poverty goat fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Apr 26, 2018 |
|
#
?
Apr 26, 2018 04:43
|
|
|
poverty goat posted:im guessing all the good skeletons have wandered off or been snatched up already but if anyone's near sweden they just found a whole loving village of 1500 year old vikings who were apparently murdered en masse in their homes and left to rot where they fell. what a loving backstory for a skeleton army, i bet you barely even need magic to get them dancing Wow, I would very much like to claim some of this treasure trove. Sounds like I'm booking a trip to the mortal realms again
|
|
#
?
Apr 26, 2018 17:49
|
|
|
poverty goat posted:im guessing all the good skeletons have wandered off or been snatched up already but if anyone's near sweden they just found a whole loving village of 1500 year old vikings who were apparently murdered en masse in their homes and left to rot where they fell. what a loving backstory for a skeleton army, i bet you barely even need magic to get them dancing Oh whoops I knew I forgot something. 
|
|
#
?
Apr 26, 2018 18:23
|
|
|
Guys, I just found out how to be an evil wizard on easy mode. Forget necromancy all together. You can just ensorcel the existing power structure. I've done nothing but watch my crystal ball and eat grapes peeled by virgins in my underwear for the past 2 months! This is the life.
|
|
#
?
Apr 26, 2018 18:34
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 22:53 |
|
|
UltraRed posted:Guys, I just found out how to be an evil wizard on easy mode. Forget necromancy all together. You can just ensorcel the existing power structure. I've done nothing but watch my crystal ball and eat grapes peeled by virgins in my underwear for the past 2 months! This is the life. Yeah if you wanna be soft Dibs on this guy's tower when adventurers string him up in 2 weeks
|
|
#
?
Apr 26, 2018 18:36
|
|