- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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Me [36 F] with my brother [33 M], he's getting divorced, wants to move in with my family. My heart is broken for him, but it would ruin my family. What do I tell him?Non-Romantic
submitted 5 months ago by bro_trubs
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/79rlbx/me_36_f_with_my_brother_33_m_hes_getting_divorced/
quote:
My brother is leaving his wife because he walked in on her cheating on him after a 15 year marriage. This is majorly rocking his world - and my world too. I still can't believe this is really happening. He confided in me and hasn't told any body else yet. He doesn't know how to break it to our parents. All his friends have been mutual friends with his wife for almost 2 decades, and he doesn't feel like he can trust any of them any more. He's pretty much all alone with no one to talk to. He's a in a dark place and needs help. It would be an exaggeration if I said I was realistically afraid he'd hurt himself or somebody else... but my mind goes there sometimes. It is going to be a really messy, painful ordeal.
He obviously wants to get away from her, and he mentioned the idea of moving into our house so the two boys, his [5M] and ours [3M], could be roommates while he looks for a new job. He and I live in two different states. I never left home and now he wants to come home. I don't even know how custody battles work, can parents live on opposite sides of the country? He and his wife make about the same amount of money.
Here's the reason he can't stay with us. When my brother and my husband first met, my brother jokingly threatened my husband about not doing anything mean to me or he'd gently caress him up. To my brother this was a brotherly joke meant to endear my husband to him before we were married, but it scared the crap out of my husband, because my brother is a big burly dude, and my husband comes from a family that is totally the opposite of any sort of violence, even joking about it. My husband was pretty shaken up. That was how my brother made his first impression, thinking that would impress himself if a dude said that, so of course it would be a good thing to say to a perfect stranger.
In every interaction since then, my husband has been on guard around him, and does not feel comfortable. My brother has given him friendly punches that to my husband are too hard and scary. In addition to that dynamic, my brother holds very strong opinions about a lot of things and has a bit of a superiority complex. He makes fun of people for the dumbest stuff, for instance we had natural peanut butter in our fridge and he made fun of us for it instead of asking why. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's just an example of all of our interactions.
It's very stressful, and we've never confronted him about it because we only see him for like a week at a time, maybe once a year. I decided it was easier to let it slide. My brother thinks we're the best of buddies like we always were growing up, since I've never told him how uncomfortable he makes us now that we have grown in different directions.
I feel like this is terrible timing to finally come clean and sucker punch him with an "oh yeah, we actually don't like you either, so you really are totally alone in the world."
The other thing that makes us nervous is the way my brother is raising his son. It's none of my business and no matter how you raise a kid somebody out there will tell you you're doing it wrong. But he's taking the opposite approach to parenting than we are, and his kid has some habits that we really don't want our kid to have. I'd love it if they played together sometimes, but I couldn't have them being raised together.
The truth is, no matter how much I love my brother, and I really do, and my heart is aching to help him out, I took a vow that my husband is now the most important part of my life, and our new family is and will forever be my priority. I feel like this is a test to my marriage and I need to make sure I stand by my husband and keep my family intact.
Maybe the three of us grown-ups need to get together for a long beer night to come clean with all our feelings - but its a monumental pile of poo poo. We have wildly different political beliefs. It would take a lot of beer nights to get really, truly, honestly comfortable with each other, if we ever could.
I don't want to give my brother some bullshit excuse, I owe it to him to explain truthfully why we can't have him and his son living with us, but I can't figure out how to tell him without breaking his heart even more when everybody in his life is leaving him high and dry. What do I say? Is there some other way I can be supportive? I read another thread here where somebody suggested having their drug-addicted brother over for dinner once a week, that sounds like an okay start, without really solving anything in my particular case.
Help help, oh kind internet strangers!
tl;dr: How do I tell my brother that he can't live with us because it would be too stressful for my family?
Brother might be a shithead but the sister is a goddamn coward and basically everyone everywhere at every moment in this entire world needs therapy.
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Apr 29, 2018 01:15
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 11:41
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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I [24 F] caught my fiancé [25 M] suspiciously meeting up with a younger girl [16-17 F] at our local coffee shop. He is going through great length to keep her a secret from me, calling her a family friend. I don't understand it.Relationships
submitted 1 year ago * by SoKeepingSecrets
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4mu665/i_24_f_caught_my_fianc%C3%A9_25_m_suspiciously_meeting/
quote:Lee and I have been together for nearly 4 years, engaged for about 11 months with our wedding set for the beginning of July. But, I'm not even sure if we're going to make it over this stupid girl he refuses to tell me about.
He's been acting strange for about a month now, leaving for periods of times on weekdays after work and often on weekends -- at first I just figured he was planning a surprise for me or something since my birthday is coming up soon so I didn't think anything of it. However, last week I was going out to coffee with a few friends of mine and that's when I saw him sitting at the window with this very pretty younger girl, I don't know her age exactly but she's couldn't be older than 18.
They didn't see us enter so we decided to sit on the other end and just keep an eye on him, I trust Lee and from the looks of them they didn't seem romantically involved or anything like that. It looked more like she was confiding in him or he was comforting her. They talked for at least 15 more minutes or so before we saw him look at his phone, hand her some money and quickly leave with her, looking around giving her hug and then they both went through own ways.
When I confronted him about it later at our apartment he said that she was a family friend who was in a bit of trouble. When I asked why he didn't tell me about her sooner he said that he didn't tell anyone about her for her safety and for the sake of simplicity. I had to fight tooth and nail to even get me to tell me her name. He told me that it was a serious issue and in about two weeks he would be able to tell me everything but right now he was really sorry that he couldn't. That really, pissed me off and he told me not to mention it to his mother.
He knows I tell his mom everything, I lost my mom when I was 16 and his mom always treats me right. I'm really close with his mom, she seems to be an awesome person but for whatever reason they really clash. Maybe I was in the wrong but I went ahead and asked her about if she knew about a family friend named Lily. I don't understand how he could keep something from me knowing how much it's affecting me and our relationship, he's putting this girl before me.
His mother seemed suspicious as well, called him (He didn't know I was with her) and he told her it was one of his soccer girls. He's the assistant coach for U16 girl's team having trouble paying for their new uniforms. So he basically lied to his mom about her or he lied to me.
I didn't tell his mom about the lie, but I did ask my sisters about it and they say it's the weirdest thing they ever heard. They seem to be giving him the benefit of the doubt and tell me I should just trust him and wait. But, how can I trust him if he can't trust me. Over the weekend, he left his laptop on and I saw his bank statement he's been withdrawing hundreds of dollars which I can only assume is for her.
I'm fed up to the point where I want to call off the wedding completely, I don't understand why he won't just tell me what's going on. I tell him how it makes me feel and all he can do is apologize and tell me about how sorry it is. What could be so important that he'd had to keep it a secret from myself, his family and withdraw money from his account.
I'm tired of waiting and I think he's completely out of line with his behavior and actions.
Does anyone have any idea what this could be about, or have read anything similar?
Outside perspective?
TL:DR: I caught my finance meeting up with a younger girl at a local coffee shop. When I confronted him about it he called her a family friend and then said that she was in a bit of trouble. He pretty much refused to tell me anymore than just her name, and told me he could explain everything in a few weeks but told me to please keep it to myself. I mentioned it to his mom and when she called him, he straight up lie to his mom (or to me) about who the girl was and why he was meeting with her.
EDIT: I've cancelled our wedding, Lee told me that he respected my decision but that wouldn't change his stance and even said that it was probably for the best since there is a lot about each other that we don't know and understand. I'm staying with my sister until this blows over.
Like lady, no wonder he don't trust you if you immediatelly run away to shoot off your mouth about the latest gossip.
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Apr 29, 2018 01:18
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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The title just reminded me of this. https://youtu.be/co_DNpTMKXk
OP's situation is not very close...
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Apr 29, 2018 01:21
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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I mean, even she admits that it doesn't seem like there's anything sexual going on. Would it have killed her to wait two weeks until he ostensibly could tell her what it was about? She could always have broken everything off then. Maybe she's being abused by her family and he's helping her getting emancipated? Probably for the best that they're splitting up either way.
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Apr 29, 2018 01:23
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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Me [28 M] with my wife [27 F] 5 years together, I cheated a long time ago the other woman sent me a letter. What should I do with it?
quote:
Yeah I cheated, I regret it probably more than anything because of how bad I hurt my wife. It happened 3 years ago i met another woman it was during a time when me and my wife would in a bad place.
I slept with the other woman 2 times I couldn't lie to my wife and just told her what happened. We ended up finding a few weeks later that she was pregnant so I decided to try hard to be a better husband.
We are in a good place now, she doesn't trust me fully yet which I know will take years or never happen. She has access to all my devices so she can look whenever she wants no problem.
So here's the thing, when I got the mail today and she sent me a letter I haven't opened it and don't know what to do. Should I give it to my wife or just throw it away, should I read it and show my wife or read it together or what.
I don't know how to proceed and could use some help her on what to do.
TL;DR: I cheated a long time ago I have worked hard to try and earn my wife's trust back, I got a letter from the other woman and don't know what to do with it.
Me [28 M] with my wife [27 F] 5 years together, I cheated a long time ago the other woman sent me a letter. [UPDATE]
quote:
So I kept waiting until I was finished with work but it felt like forever and I wanted to get home already. While I was driving I kept going over everything that happened and everyone's advice about it and I calmed down and just bit the bullet.
I came home she made dinner for us, after we were watching TV and I told her I had to show her something. I showed her the letter and she looked a little hurt but I knew it would bring up bad past feelings.
She opened it and read it and than showed it to me, it was basically the other woman asking if we could get back together and that she felt something so I must have felt something as well.
My wife did stop reading because it was starting to go into detail of what we did. She asked me if I had any contact with her which I haven't and also asked if I felt anything for her which again, I don't have any feelings for the other woman.
So we talked about it more and while it was uncomfortable for me I imagine it must have been extremely hard for her. I answered all her questions and she did say she appreciated me showing it to her and us reading it together, that it felt like we were a team.
It was a very productive conversation and she said she's starting to trust a little bit again. It was still early so I ended up getting us some ice cream, in the end it worked out fine she felt good and I feel like I'm making progress its slow but worth it.
Thanks everyone for the advice.
TL;DR: I showed the letter to my wife it was just the other woman asking if we could get back together, we talked about it and she appreciated that I showed it to her.
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Apr 29, 2018 01:37
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I [21M] told [25F] girlfriend of 3 years that I could never feel her vagina when we had sex and it turned out I was suffering from death grip! Now she won't even kiss me. How do I fix this?
quote:
I reposted this because i left out some info!
The title is literally the whole problem. I hosed up! I don't know where to begin but I'll start here and change up some details in case she ever finds this. Around last November I told my girlfriend I couldn't feel her vagina since we had the sex in the beginning, The conversation went something like this:
Note: I made a post here earlier, that post has nothing to with my current relationship. I'm only saying this for those who might try and connect two and two together.
Me: "Hey I was never going to tell you this, but I have no idea what the problem is but whenever we have sex I can't feel anything"
Her: "Oh"
Me: "Yeah I didn't ever want to mention it because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but its been like that from the beginning but I never said anything because I really enjoyed making you feel good, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Its weird but when I'm on top of you, the only time I can feel anything is if I'm aiming my dick at the bottom of your vagina and that's because I'm rubbing against your walls."
Her: "Oh okay"
I should have mentioned this above but I told my best friend about this problem I was having before I even told her. I asked him if he thought I should tell her and he said yes, I thinking it was a great idea!(I'm a dumb rear end) told her because I thought "couples should communicate everything"
My purpose in telling her this was because I thought it was her, not me. I told her she should try keagle exercises and I KNOW THAT WAS BAD NOW! I didn't realize what I had done until later on. There is a lot I need to learn about relationships. I'm 21 young and dumb and the last thing Id ever want to do is hurt her.
She didn't know what to say about that and we went on to talk about other things. I should let you guys know I told her this at a very bad time, she was struggling in school, she was very busy and depressed but whenever she had the chance to spend time with me she would. From sometime in November all the way up until I think valentines day I didn't get to see her. I initiate, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want to kiss me. Cuddling and everything else is fine but nothing too intimate.
I forgot to mention that around December I went to the doctor hoping I could figure out why I couldn't feel anything and he told me I was suffering from death grip and its true! I stopped masturbating, watching porn completely, I've been n0f@p for three months and my problems are gone but this information is for later.
Anyway the night she rejected my advances I texted her trying to figure out what was going on and she said "I don't want to have sex right now, is that okay" I had a hunch it was because I hurt her feelings with what I said so I texted her the same night apologising. I told her everything! It wasn't her fault it was mine. I went to the doctor and he told me it was me! I told her I was sorry for making her feel bad and that it was always me, my dick, my problem and that I should have to took the time to reflect before blaming her!
She forgave me, where not broken up but she said "I'm not ready to have sex with you or kiss you when I'm ready Ill initiate it" Fast forward to today things have gotten a lot better, I haven't tried to kiss her yet, and we haven't had sex but every time she comes over there's A LOT of fondling, to the point where we might as well have sex. When things get really hot she doesn't go through with it though. Why is this? I'm here because I want my girlfriend "back". I don't know how she feels but I know she still feels something and its because of me and I want things back to normal. I want her to feel like herself again. How do I fix this? How do I make her feel good about herself again? I should add in that she knows how much I love her, and believe me I love her a fuckin-lot. We've had some very deep heart to heart moments these past 3 months where our relationships has gotten stronger! Just pouring are feeling out to each other and its always been like that! But these past few months its been more intense. I've also had the chance to tell her on multiple occasions that her body is beyond perfect, it's beautiful and that I was an idiot for what I said.
TL;DR I really hurt my girlfriend by telling her I've never felt anything when we had sex and it turns out I was suffering from death grip. How do I fix this?
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Apr 29, 2018 01:46
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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tbh he sounds like a loser and a broken man
He should also get his shrinking dick looked at.
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Apr 29, 2018 02:31
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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How do I (24f) stop getting taken advantage of in nearly every interaction I have with other people. For example, I paid for coffee with a $50bill and was given change as if were a $5 but I'm terrified to stick up for myself. Any help?Personal issues
submitted 1 year ago by stephinslo
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5u1l6i/how_do_i_24f_stop_getting_taken_advantage_of_in/
every morning i wake up with heart attack and my skin is paper and my bones are glass how the gently caress do I manage to survive woah is me. also this lady needs therapy so bad.
Weird I didn't know Mat was a unisex name.
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Apr 29, 2018 03:20
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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Criminal trials don't happen 3 weeks after the arrest. The whole thing's fake.
I really hope so, it's been a day since I read that story and I'm still mad about it.
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Apr 29, 2018 03:51
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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Me [24M] with my girlfriend [26F] of two years, prostitution. It seems like it's a win for everyone.Relationships
submitted 3 years ago by gfhavethesexa
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rgeho/me_24m_with_my_girlfriend_26f_of_two_years/
quote:I'm an American, my girlfriend is Russian. We live in Russia. I'm a chemical engineer, she's a professor at a University here. Although I live in Russia, I work for an American company that does support services for petroleum extraction.
If you aren't up to date with the politics, poo poo is going down in Russia. The ruble has lost half its value vs USD and continues to decline. A $5 meal is now $10 and so on. This is good for me - although I'm paid in Rubles, my salary was agreed upon in USD, and all my investments are made in the US. My monthly check used to be 300,000 rubles, but now it's 600,000. No difference to me. I work in the petroleum industry, and Russia needs to keep production up (because they need the revenue), so my security looks pretty OK too.
But for my girlfriend, it's a bit tougher. She's effectively had her purchasing power cut in half (because her salary is based in rubles), and Russian professors aren't paid an enormous sum to begin with. So she's been stressing about that.
We have a good sex life, but I definitely have a higher libido than her. She wants sex maybe once a day at most, and I'd like it more. I'm also quite a bit kinkier.
So, it seemed like there was something that could fix all of our problems. I'll pay her some amount of money and, in return, we have sex that matches my libido/wants rather than hers (as we've been doing.) It seems like it's a win for both parties. I obviously benefit and she fixes her money problems. Essentially, I hire her as a prostitute without the social stigma, dangers, or mental damage.
When I brought it up to her, she got really offended. How do I make her see this more reasonable?
tl;dr: Want to pay girlfriend for sex, how do I make her accept?
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Apr 29, 2018 03:51
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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This is why everyone hates engineers and they should probably all die.
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Apr 29, 2018 03:53
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- Killingyouguy!
- Sep 8, 2014
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the use of 'make' is pretty telling here
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Apr 29, 2018 03:54
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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Me [22 F] with my boss [70's M] of 2 months, how do I quit without devastating him?Non-Romantic
submitted 1 year ago by stephxo94
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5xqxsz/me_22_f_with_my_boss_70s_m_of_2_months_how_do_i/
quote:First of all, thank you for reading this. I've never been in a situation like this before, so I appreciate any input or tips you might have. So here's the situation:
I recently moved to a new city in the Midwest. I've worked as a dental assistant for the last few years, and was hoping to continue this line of work to support myself while I go to school. Thankfully, I was able to find what I thought would be a great opportunity in a suburb about 20 minutes away. Although I would be getting paid much less than before, the dentist was willing to rework the schedule around my classes, was extraordinarily easy going, and seemed like a decent guy. I was extremely excited to begin working.
Now here is the problem(s):
The practice is a two man show. It's just him and me, and I am expected to do almost everything up front; billing, claims, calls, scheduling—you name it. This wouldn't be a huge deal if I was being paid to do both jobs, but I'm not.
The office itself, especially the patient room, is old, disorganized, and kind of gross. I do my best to clean up and make things tidy, but it feels like a losing battle because the dentist just doesn't care. I was trained at my old practice to be almost obsessive when it comes to sterilization and cleaning, and at my new job it doesn't seem like a priority.
I disagree with many of the Dentist's practices in terms of treatment of patients. I'm not sure if the Midwest has different dentistry standards than where I came from, but I've had to resist the urge to drop my jaw at some treatment options the dentist has presented to patients (such as placing a filling in a tooth that clearly needs a root canal, or root canaling a tooth that clearly needs an extraction). It drives me up a wall. The dentist is a really nice guy whose utmost priority is saving his patients money, but it is often at the expense of proper, long lasting treatment.
Once again, his sanitation and infection control practices are abysmal. It stresses me out to no end. He once placed a patients folder onto a BLOODY extraction tray just to make room on the counter. I almost lost my mind.
He often ends the day early, and the resulting loss of pay really hurts me, especially since I'm making so much less than I was before I moved. Because of this, I've gotten a second job at a popular chain restaurant to compensate, taking up more of the weekend time that is supposed to be dedicated to my studies.
Overall, I've just really begun to dread going to work, mainly because of the issues I've listed with his infection control and treatment practices. I also feel we haven't built a strong dentist-assistant relationship yet, and I feel hesitant in doing so because I just don't trust or respect him as a practitioner. He is a really, really nice guy, and has emphasized how happy he is to finally have an assistant who knows what they're doing and who he thinks will stick around (he has been through four in the last year). I've also done the math, and if I were to work only the restaurant job, I'd make more money working only three shifts a week and have the rest of that free time to study and explore my new area. So what do you think? Are my reasons good enough to resign? I just feel so uncomfortable working there for my given reasons, but I also feel uncomfortable crushing this dentist's expectations, and hurting his practice by leaving him without an assistant once again. What should I do?
TL;DR: I want to quit my job for various reasons. How can I make a clean break without really hurting or inconveniencing my extremely kind employer?
Ha ha 'clean break' I get it. Good one OP. Also never ever loving do more work than you are getting paid.
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Apr 29, 2018 04:02
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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he's saving his patients money by providing the service they need, not what he can upsell due to their ignorance, and no one has ever gotten AIDS from a table. nut up.
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Apr 29, 2018 04:04
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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Did he, uh, not realize the nature of his relationship prior to his suggestion?
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Apr 29, 2018 04:08
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- Veni Vidi Ameche!
- Nov 2, 2017
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by Fluffdaddy
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[M/23]My drinking buddy[M/25] started dating a girl and now only spends time with her- what do I do?
(bolding is from original post)
I'm rooting against him because of his tl;dr. I hope his friend marries the woman, and they have six kids, and the friend never speaks to the poster, again.
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Apr 29, 2018 05:03
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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Yo dude that's why you don't get married at 21 and crank out 3 kids jfc
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Apr 29, 2018 05:06
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- Necros
- Jul 23, 2003
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He should also get his shrinking dick looked at.
imagine being emasculated so hard that your boner withers away
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Apr 29, 2018 06:07
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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The followup's a juicy one
quote: I didn't plan on updating, obvious I know I now that I was pretty much wrong in every way possible. I know this is probably going to go over horrible but I feel like I want to talk about it and see if it makes me feel any differently than I do now because right now all I've felt for the last 2 days is crippling guilty and the desire to run far away.
I didn't even have to wait a week before Lee was able to tell me what was going on. He wasn't cheating on me, he wasn't helping her with an abortion or doing anything malicious in fact.
He was helping his half sister and her young sister escape from an abusive situation with his father. The CPS and police were involved in the entire thing and helped in getting her out safely.
Not going into detail but the time constraint was basically waiting for her to turn 18 so she could access an account setup by her deceased mother and the optimal time to get them out of the situation without conflict. His father left for a week long fishing trip with some of his buddies.
I did get to meet Lily for a very brief moment while she was thanking Lee for helping them. She seemed like a really sweet girl, very brave and very mature for her age, her name actually wasn't Lily.
As for the timeline I really messed it up and made some very questionable assumptions. Lee only met with her over a 3 week period, again not going into detail but it seems he did everything as correctly as possible. I'll admit I know nothing about getting someone out of an abusive situation.
He did show me receipts, medical bills, even documents from school. In total he actually spent less than $900 dollars on her and the rest that I saw actually went toward my own birthday gifts and a few last minute wedding expenses.
The month prior to the girl he was actually spending time with my sisters as they helped him pick out a birthday gift and make some last minute wedding decisions. I didn't find this out until after I started staying with my sister but they had no knowledge of the girl.
He did lie to both myself and his mom because he didn't feel he could trust either of us. He said that he didn't know for certain that I wouldn't tell his mom even in such a dangerous situation so he told me the name of one of his soccer players instead.
He said that his fears were rightfully validated when he got a call from his mom a day later asking about it. He said that pretty much convinced him not to tell me anymore until it was resolved. Although I still believe had he told me the severity of the situation I would haven't have said a word to anyone.
He brought up a time which I thought was unfair when one of the girls on his team had come to him with sensitive information which he helped her communicate to her parents. It was one of the first times he had told me about something like that and I ended up telling his mom months later in some random conversation.
But, she came to a soccer game and said something along the lines of "Isn't that the girl with the..." and that's when he turned around and stopped her with a glare from finishing her sentence, no one heard her say it but the fact that she repeated something like that aloud.
He told me about his childhood something we never really touched on. Before this he pretty much summarized his childhood as rough and dark.
Abused at 5 years old by his father. Long story short without revealing sensitive details he confided in his mother hoping she would save him or at least get him help but instead she just told her side of the family and eventually got back to his dad and ended up getting him hurt even worse.
When he got sent to the hospital, his mom covered up for his dad, told them he was beat up on his way home from school in a bad neighborhood.
His parents eventually divorced but it wasn't due to the violent nature of his father. He lived with his mom until he turned 18 and moved out and stopped speaking to his mother completely. My understanding is that she never apologized nor felt sorry for anything that he went through, even blamed him for his father actions and partly the divorce itself.
A year or so into dating we actually ran into his mom in the grocery store and that's how they "reconnected" again, obviously I didn't know anything about their history at the time. I was just glad to finally meet her and she seemed like a sweet lady that I bonded with. I don't know why he didn't just tell me the reason he stopped speaking to his mother, it would have made a world of difference.
But since that day he's been tolerating her, for my sake. We did get into a argument about it years back and I feel like an rear end for guilt-tripping him because now I know why he didn't want me spending time with his mom.
Knowing what I know now, I understand why he acted the way he did with Lily but that doesn't make me feel any better. In fact, I think I feel even worse about our relationship because it shows how little trust he has in me.
He did flat out tell me their lives and situation were worth more than a few thousand dollars and a cancelled wedding and the fact that this situation put so much strain on us that, we shouldn't be getting married in the first place. And that he understands if I couldn't fully comprehend what he meant.
He said that I had slowly started to remind him of his mother and that worried him more than he could ever admit.
He said that instead of making this about him picking Lily over me, that I should look at the bigger picture and what was at stake.
He did apologize for the position he put me in but did say that he thought about telling me everything much sooner but I went mother the next day. Though like I said if he would have just given me more information or even just expressed how fragile the situation was I wouldn't have told anyone anything.
Honestly, I don't know where our relationship is going, if anywhere. He paid my family back for the non-refundable cost of cancelling the wedding even though he didn't have to. He formally apologized to my dad & sisters and pretty much shouldered the blame for our wedding being cancelled due to second thoughts.
He painting himself the bad guy for my sake while I'm just sitting here not knowing what's left to do. I don't want to start over but I feel like this situation shows we barely even know each other or at least I barely know him.
He said that he's open to counseling and trying to make us work but he understands and respects if I want to just walk away. Honestly, I don't really know what I want anymore, I don't think we can come back from this.
He told me to take as much time as I need and I'm still staying with my sister, despite things being resolved. I'm not really sure what my deal is, or why I'm so hesitant to try again to rebuild with him.
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Apr 29, 2018 06:57
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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fayke and gaye
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Apr 29, 2018 07:01
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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My Boyfriend doesn't like that I blab all the details of his life, including extremely sensitive ones which I just sort of do, but thats neither here nor there because, internet, let me tell you about the abuse he suffered as a child.
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Apr 29, 2018 07:04
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Hey reddit my fiance doesn't trust me with sensitive personal family information. I think that's probably because his father beat him. What do you think?
Lol Jesus Christ
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Apr 29, 2018 07:49
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Honestly the way that story is written I feel like it was written by the guy pretending to be his fiancee to get reddit on his side so he can feel vindicated
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Apr 29, 2018 07:50
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- andrew smash
- Jun 26, 2006
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smooth soul
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Haha everything about that is perfect, what a great fakepost.
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Apr 29, 2018 08:05
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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You know for all the comments on this one that justify his behavior imo if he felt it was something he couldn't discuss with her in the first place then they never really should have been involved. Like fiance exchanging money with teenage girl he doesn't want to be upfront and honest about I'd say "he's helping her escape from an abusive situation" is probably the 1 in a million of potential options in a relationship posted about on reddit, legit hard to blame her for being suspicious at that point. In hindsight I can understand his trepidation but if he had such a cynical view of her in the first place why not break up years ago.
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Apr 29, 2018 08:53
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- HazCat
- May 4, 2009
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Yeah I feel like this was a self fulfilling prophesy right from the moment he didn't feel comfortable telling her his mum was abusive and they had been estranged for years. That's such a huge thing to keep from your partner, especially if you then stand by as they befriend your abusive mum!
She did a bunch of stupid, stupid things, but she was absolutely correct that he was hiding things from her. Your gut doesn't know the difference between "my boyfriend is hiding an affair" and "my boyfriend is hiding that his mum was abusive and he doesn't trust me enough to tell me", it just throws up the flares and you start getting paranoid and fixating on things.
To be honest, it's a bit sad that she's copping 100% of the blame for talking to the mum too much. Manipulating people is what abusive people do, and getting the wife into a position where she blabbed constantly about her husband was probably a calculated and conscious choice on the mum's part. It gets smeared as "lol stupid despicable gossipy woman" when manipulating someone into oversharing information without realising they're doing it is actually just an example of one way abusive women use other women.
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Apr 29, 2018 09:17
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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Haha everything about that is perfect, what a great fakepost.
Yeah, struck me as fake very quickly. Very convenient male fantasy. Honed to trigger redditors.
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Apr 29, 2018 12:28
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 11:41
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- andrew smash
- Jun 26, 2006
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smooth soul
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Yeah, struck me as fake very quickly. Very convenient male fantasy. Honed to trigger redditors.
It works on so many levels
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Apr 29, 2018 14:41
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Apr 29, 2018 01:15
Cat Army 
