- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Why would a publisher pick up a book about the travails of some random woman? She should only be worried if her mother was hiding genuine literary talent or she already has a publishing deal of some sort.
It could be a Christian book publisher who thinks they can sell a generic “i was terrible and hurt everyone around me but then jesus” tale.
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May 6, 2018 18:42
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 03:29
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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In his comments he says he just enjoys debating topics.
Sooo he's a mormon, he enjoys debating topics. This man is glenn beck and the admins were right to hate him.
Yeah he should take the hint that sometimes less is Mormon.
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May 6, 2018 18:44
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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Why would a publisher pick up a book about the travails of some random woman? She should only be worried if her mother was hiding genuine literary talent or she already has a publishing deal of some sort.
Jesus redemption stories usually make a profit due to the church circuit.
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May 6, 2018 18:45
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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"I should reconnect with the mom who let her boyfriends molest me! Why? For my kids!"
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May 6, 2018 20:36
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- Darkrenown
- Jul 18, 2012
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please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes
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As cool as this is on the coworkers' part this is just another example of how sick Capitalism is.
Super accommodating just up to giving you more money actually. That's on your coworkers! Healthcare?!?! What?!
Well, capitalist healthcare anyway. Here [Sweden] you get 80% of your pay from the state if you are written off sick, plus possibly more if you have private insurance, for up to a year then they decide if your condition is serious enough to keep funding at 80%, lower it to 75%, or cut you off. Your job is safe during this too, assuming you are a full time employee, and you can also work at your job 25/50% if you are able. Stories about the US healthcare system terrify me.
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May 6, 2018 20:46
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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holy poo poo
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May 6, 2018 21:20
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Hoo boy. I was going to bold stuff, but then I realized I was bolding the entire story.
Married boyfriend’s (42M) wife (33F) “found out” about me (35F) and that I’m 26 weeks pregnant. I thought he had already told her and left...
quote:TLDR at the bottom.
This is a LONG story and I’m on mobile so please bear with me.
First - if you’re here to bash me and tell me what an awful human being I am - please don’t. 1) I already know and 2) I really can’t take any more stress right now.
I was with my boyfriend (Jack) for 3 years when I discovered that he had been living a double life - he had been with someone else the entire time we were dating (I ignored ALL red flags: never met his friends or family, wasn’t on any of his social media) and I only found out when they got married and I came across their wedding registry. I found out about 2 weeks after their wedding. Long story short: I told her about me and she had their marriage annulled and moved out. I was weak and scared and ended up taking him back a few months later. We moved in together.
I lived with Jack for about 2 years. I got pregnant several times and miscarried each time (I have awful fertility issues). I found out in the summer of 2013 that I was pregnant again - and (after seeing a text pop up on his phone and discovering a card given to him) that he was cheating on me. Turns out he had been cheating on me for a year at this point. I was vulnerable and pregnant and terrified of another miscarriage so I told him to go and end it right then. He left saying he was going to break things off with her (we’ll call her Lucy). He comes back HOURS later and doesn’t say a WORD to me, starts packing his things as I’m crying asking him to explain what is going on - finally he says he is staying with Lucy and I have 30 days to move out of his house (he knows I’m pregnant). I asked if he told her about me and the baby and he said he did and she wants to be with him so he’s leaving me.
Again long story short: I moved out and a few weeks later had another miscarriage which left me crushed. I loved this man with all my heart and he claimed to love me too...even AFTER I moved he told me he loved me and would come spend time with me every now and then. He said Lucy ended up breaking up with him...
So we stayed friends. Occasionally we messed around but not often. We spoke every day and hung out a few times a month.
Flash forward a year or so and I discover online that not only did Lucy NOT break up with him, but that she moved in with him and he proposed to her a MONTH after I moved out (the story and timeline was on their wedding website). I found all this out about 6 weeks before their wedding.
I was devastated - we were no longer a couple but he had been telling me how much he loved me and had AGAIN been lying to be about everything. I asked him why he hadn’t just told me and he said it was because he didn’t want to lose me, that we had a connection he’s never had with anyone else and he loves me in a way he doesn’t love anyone else.
He moved forward with the wedding and begged me not to say anything to Lucy. So I didn’t and I stopped seeing him - but we still talk every day.
I am weak and text him about a month after the wedding that I miss him. We end up making plans to hang out and go wine tasting as friends. So we did...and he starts coming on to me, touching me, telling me he’s never been attracted to anyone the way he is to me, etc. we end up fooling around and start seeing each other again.
I KNOW - this is where I become a truly horrible person for engaging in an affair...he told me he shouldn’t have gotten married and he was so confused about his feelings. That maybe he screwed up and we are supposed to be together. This was in February of 2015. We have been together since then...we see each other 3-4 times a week and he kept telling me he didn’t know what to do.
Then - about a year and a half ago I was snooping on FB and found Lucy’s page...THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER. She wasn’t quite a year old when I found out about her. I asked him why he had kept this from me and he said he knew with all my fertility issues that it would devastate me and he didn’t want to hurt me. He said his daughter is the reason he’s so confused. Because he doesn’t want to miss out on half her life. That he doesn’t love Lucy but he doesn’t want to miss out on half his daughter’s life.
So I keep seeing him and he starts bringing his daughter around. She’s adorable and I just love her and she seems very taken with him. It stings that Lucy could give him a child and I couldn’t...but I swallowed that pain and moved forward. He seemed relieved and happy to be able to discuss his daughter with me and tell me all the cute things she does.
Flash forward (again) his daughter turns 2 and I find out I’m pregnant again. I told him and though shocked, he was supportive. I felt certain that once again I would lose this baby too...but I didn’t. She’s perfect and growing and kicking away.
When I was about 14 weeks pregnant he called me and said his wife found an email I sent him (it was about how stressed I was and worried that stress would affect the baby) and completely lost it. He told me that in panic mode he told Lucy that I had a boyfriend and it was his baby. He told me Lucy didn’t really buy it and they “split up.” I told him it was probably for the best as she would’ve found out eventually. So he starts sleeping at his parents house.
Now he is super depressed because he realizes he doesn’t have a lot longer to see his current daughter every day. He picks her up from daycare and stays with her until about 8 o’clock before leaving the house to go to his parents place. Several times he’s cried on the phone to me about his daughter screaming when he leaves. I asked him if he was going to leave me and stay to work things out with Lucy and he said “that isn’t realistic she would never stay now, and also I don’t think I can stay away from you - I love you.”
Brief interruption to describe our relationship: we argue frequently and we have totally different styles of communication. I have borderline personality disorder and extreme anxiety...I have a tendency to push and push and push a conversation even when he has told me he doesn’t want to talk or can’t talk. If he hangs up I’ve been known to call his phone repeatedly until he answers. If he hangs up or says he wants space I feel this INTENSE fear that I’ll never speak to him again and that he’s leaving me - so I keep pushing and calling. I finally got on medication to help my anxiety and impulse control - and it REALLY helped, like it helped a LOT...but I had to go off when I got pregnant and it has become increasingly bad.
Ok so back to the situation...I’ve lived the last 12 weeks thinking they were working out their finances and headed towards divorce. He even sent me screenshots of text message conversations they have had about this very thing. All of those conversations seemed to confirm what he was telling me. He and I started talking about moving in together before the baby is born, and trying to work out some of our communication issues. He had told me several times he was really unhappy, and I told him that if I made him so unhappy he shouldn’t be with me, but he said that not everything is about me and he’s devastated at losing out on half of his daughter’s life. He did say that my constant need for validation and pushing when he needs space was a huge issue that he was having trouble with. He always said he loved me and that things would work out.
Well a few weeks ago his phone broke and he had to get a new one. No big deal right? I guess he left the old phone at his house after picking his daughter up from daycare.
Then Friday morning he calls me from his work line and says “Lucy found a way to get my old phone on and she has read all of our iMessages - sh*t has really hit the fan.” Our messages were him being kind and loving, supportive, flirty and sexy - they 100% would have confirmed that this is his baby and we are together. I guess she told him he was a disgusting pig and that she hates him and never wants to speak to him again. I told him I was confused as to why he was so flustered by this because hadn’t they already split up? He said yes they had but there wasn’t this level of anger or hatred before. That she had suspected things but now everything was confirmed and our texts were like rubbing salt in the wound.
Then he starts sobbing about how much he’s going to miss of his daughter’s life and that he has failed her as a father and that one day he’ll have to explain to her why he doesn’t love with her anymore. And he gets ANGRY with me. Tells me he doesn’t want to see me or speak to me. I was so confused and said “I thought you loved me - I don’t understand.” And he said “I do love you but our problems will never go away and I didn’t realize how good I had it at home and now it’s all gone.” So I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said no, but that he doesn’t know what to do...that either way he’ll lose out on one of his daughters’s lives.
A few hours later I started having horrible stomach pains and nausea (I am now 26 weeks but have been on bedrest since 23 weeks for a short weak cervix) and I was scared so I called him...he yelled at me “what do you want me to do about it? You’re just freaking out and if you’re so worried go in to labor and delivery.” I asked if he would meet me there and he said “no.”
So then I asked “is this us breaking up - you’re not going to be there for me?” And he said “I guess it is whatever you say it is.” And i said “WTF does that mean?” And he said “I’m not having this argument again. Go and stop wasting time texting me.”
This was Friday at 5:30PM. I have tried calling and texting since then and he hasn’t responded at all. Not ONCE. He didn’t ask how the baby was, how I was, he didn’t ask what was going on - NOTHING. He had told me Friday that he would come over on Sunday so we could talk - but I haven’t heard ANYTHING. I sent him one last text message and voicemail Saturday at 12:30PM basically saying that from his silence I was guessing that he wanted some space and even though he insists I can never change, I’m going to give him his space.
Now my head is running wild. Maybe his wife took him back? Maybe she won’t let him respond to me? Maybe this is him breaking up with me? When things have gotten really stressful in the past he has had a tendency to disappear for a day or two and break off all communication. Maybe that’s what he’s doing now? I honestly don’t know. He told me there was no way in hell his wife was going to stay with him, but now I’m starting to think that maybe that is what has happened. I just don’t know. Maybe she would?
I haven’t sent him any other messages since the one yesterday at 12:30PM. It’s now almost 11AM the next day and still nothing.
What do I do? Do I try contacting him again? I am desperate to know what the heck is happening? Did he break up with me? Is he back with his wife? Is he depressed and stressed out and overwhelmed and disappeared to figure things out?
Again, I know that engaging in an affair was wrong. I know it was stupid. But I am desperately in love with this man, and I always have been. He told me that he didn’t love his wife and he was only there for his daughter. I just don’t know that any of that is even true. I don’t know anything. I don’t know what’s going on. I haven’t been able to eat at all or sleep more than a few hours since Friday. My anxiety is killing me. I just want to know what is going on.
TLDR: really long story...on and off boyfriend got married, I got pregnant, things were ok and then his wife (who he said he separated from) read our texts and now he has disappeared - what do I do?
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May 6, 2018 22:18
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- SpazmasterX
- Jul 13, 2006
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Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~
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Well, capitalist healthcare anyway. Here [Sweden] you get 80% of your pay from the state if you are written off sick, plus possibly more if you have private insurance, for up to a year then they decide if your condition is serious enough to keep funding at 80%, lower it to 75%, or cut you off. Your job is safe during this too, assuming you are a full time employee, and you can also work at your job 25/50% if you are able. Stories about the US healthcare system terrify me.
Ayy it's almost as of privatized healthcare is some kind of corporate screw job designed to make money over patient welfare or something
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May 6, 2018 22:19
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Hoo boy. I was going to bold stuff, but then I realized I was bolding the entire story.
Married boyfriend’s (42M) wife (33F) “found out” about me (35F) and that I’m 26 weeks pregnant. I thought he had already told her and left...
Your uterus is trying to tell you something.
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May 6, 2018 22:52
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- megallica
- Nov 4, 2008
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Oh god, my brain is full of BEES!!
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Me [27 F] with my husband [28 M] married 2 years, told me he’s going to pay his parents [60s] back for the expense of raising him
quote:Yes, this is something we should’ve talked about before we got married. I knew he planned on paying his parents back for college tuition. I don’t think he made the decision to pay them back for everything else until fairly recently.
My husband and I started dating 8 years ago, while we were both college students. He was always upfront with the fact that his parents expected him to pay them back for his college tuition. While I personally disagree with this and would never ask my kids to pay me back for college, I get that this is not all that uncommon and don’t have an issue with my husband paying his parents back. I think it’s important to not that his parents are not struggling financially. They own multiple houses, drive luxury vehicles, and never have a problem paying for anything. I don’t know what their income was before retirement or how much they saved, but they seem to have enough money to live comfortably.
When my husband and I started dating, they cut him off (except for tuition) because he was “no longer their responsibility.” They said that I could cover his health insurance, car insurance, food, etc because I worked part-time and had savings. This pissed both me and my husband off, but we didn’t really feel like we could argue that they should continue to support my husband because he was 20 and they weren’t obligated to continue to pay for his stuff. My husband got a job to help cover his expenses, much to his parents’ disappointment (they felt that he shouldn’t have to work while in college). We managed.
A couple years ago we got married. As far as I knew, we were on the same page financially. We talked extensively about finances and the idea of him paying his parents for anything other than college tuition never came up.
About a month ago, my husband’s parents presented him with a bill for the cost of raising him including food, clothing, extracurricular activities, toys and entertainment, etc. THEY KEPT TRACK OF ALL OF THIS THROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE LIFE. It’s an absolutely massive amount of money. My husband and I were furious and agreed that we would not pay it and that we would cut off communication with his parents. I thought we were in agreement.
A couple days ago, my husband sat me down and told me that he wanted to pay the bill. He said that he didn’t want to lose his relationship with his parents over this. I told him that his parents treated him poorly and that I didn’t think it was worth preserving that relationship. I told him that this would affect our ability to have and pay for our own kids. I was a little bit harsher that I should’ve been and the argument ended with us not talking to each other. We haven’t spoken for the last 24 hours.
What do I do? Am I wrong that it’s completely ridiculous for his parents to ask this of us? Do we pay them? How do I talk to my husband about this without things falling apart?
TL;DR: Husband’s parents have always been weird about money. Recently, they asked us to pay back all of the money they spent raising husband. Husband wants to pay them back. I feel like I’m living in crazy town.
quote:Roughly $600k including tuition and “rent” from birth until he moved out.
My guess, is that they are past their eyeballs in debt and want their own son to bail them out. Oh god, I wonder if they have been living a life of luxury and just want to keep their fancy poo poo to save some sort of face.
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May 6, 2018 23:30
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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It's not an actual debt, though. It's not like they can actually collect on it. So if she divorces him now, before he attempts to pay for it with their money, she won't be on the hook.
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May 6, 2018 23:44
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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E: stupidity like that is absolutely grounds for divorce
Every time I see the phrase:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3nUtIG7WfU
Jeza fucked around with this message at 01:00 on May 7, 2018
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May 7, 2018 00:57
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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I just picture a charity coffee shop that donates money to a legal fund for abused spouses.
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May 7, 2018 01:01
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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Before you read this, please try to come up with some reasons why OP was cut out of their parent's life.
Ok you got some? Great. Go ahead, see how close you are.
Me [26/F] with my Fiancé [31 M] have been cut out of my parents' life for no reasonNon-Romantic
submitted 11 months ago * by scooterpie1490
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6bz0pv/me_26f_with_my_fianc%C3%A9_31_m_have_been_cut_out_of/
quote:Back Story: My mother [56/F] and father [58/M] have been good parents for most my life, however, have tendencies to be extremely emotionally abusive. For example, I'm never skinny enough, my job is never good enough, my friends are losers, anybody who ever dates me is just using me, etc. My sisters and I were always "good girls" and never gave them a lick of trouble, even minor teenage stuff (sneaking out, drinking, etc). We are all responsible people and have found great life partners for ourselves.
My parents have weird issues with us growing up and no longer being dependent on them. They would prefer us to still live in their house (we're American where it's not generally cultural). From the moment I turned 18, I always met resistance with them whether its going to college, moving out, or buying my own car. They have never once liked a boyfriend that any of us have ever had, and let me tell you, I don't have a thing for bad boys by any means. They did not attend my oldest sister's [F/35] wedding and basically didn't acknowledge them being engaged. Recently, my sister [32/F] and I both got engaged around the same time to our boyfriends of 2 years.
When I called to tell my mom that I was engaged, she screamed at me and hung up on me. Since then, she has had my dad call me weekly to berate me. They demanded I return the car they only cosigned for (but I have paid every penny for) which I obliged to. I got a new car a few days later. They do everything possible to bring me to my knees such as give me bills that come to their house months later so they double and triple. It makes them mad that with all their actions to sabotage my life and set me back so much that I have no choice but to move back home, I have been able to overcome.
Anyway, they said they will not attend my wedding and they told me and everyone we know that I have been cut out of their will (even though I've done everything in my adult life 100% on my own, with no monetary help, and certainly don't expect it).
The thing that REALLY bothers me is they've always said horrible things about whoever I'm with, serial killer, wife beater, to name a few, and I've always just broken up with past boyfriends because it wasn't worth fighting with them over. This time is different though. I am engaged to the love of my life and will not just back down this time. I hate that he has been subject to the same abuse I'm used to because they have made HORRIBLE claims about him that simply aren't true. To the point where they've completely made up scenarios such as he doesn't really have a Masters degree (and thats the mildest one). Claims that could literally ruin the rest of his life and career.
They've humiliated myself and my fiancé to every person I've ever known and it's not right. Despite all of this, I have a huge problem with having zero contact with my parents because I do love them very much despite their faults. I never imagined I would have a wedding without my parents involved in it, but I also can't imagine living without my fiancé in my life. Am I right to resist my parents?
Thank you for reading my long post and any and all constructive criticism and advice is welcome.
EDIT: We have not spoken in 2 months, and although I feel very liberated, I also feel debilitating guilt.
tl;dr: Parents hate fiancé for no reason and have stopped speaking to me because we're getting married (also doing the same to sister).
When life hands you gold plated lemons, don't try to find the tree. Or something. Yeah.
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May 7, 2018 01:14
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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If they've stopped contacting her sounds like the problem has been resolved on its own tbh
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May 7, 2018 01:15
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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Fess up, which goon is this?
My son [30M] told me [58M] he's never getting married and buys toys instead.
quote:
My 4th of 5 children is a mostly responsible young man who just hit 30. He joined the Air Force last year and has been really enjoying his new career.
He came home for a visit last week and when I asked if he was seeing anyone his response was concerning to me.
I can't exactly remember how he said it but he basically said "marriage is a dead institution and I won't ever be getting in on that dying trend".
When I asked why he thinks that way he told me a bunch of divorce stats and then said it's outrageous that the state should be involved in peoples personal relationships in the first place.
He didn't seem upset by my asking but I have 4 other boys and they're happily married.
I must admit I believe that I am responsible for his views on marriage, at least for the most part.
I cheated on their mother several times. We're still together but we are more roommates than anything. A dead bedroom for over a decade and poor decisions by me for 30 years. I accept my responsibility and have worked to be a better person.
But I worry about my son being alone and angry.
He has always been the reserved one of the 5 boys. If you put the 5 of them in a room he'll observe the others and never really speak. He is strikingly intelligent, though I have no idea where he gets his brain. Not my side of the family.
He has multiple undergrad degrees and is working toward his 2nd masters program in Evolutionary Anthropology, and then wants to get a doctorates in it.
And that brings me to my next concern about the toy collecting.
He spends thousands of dollars on toys every year. I know people collect all different types of things and this is "his thing" and that's fine. But I don't understand why he buys them?
His younger brother went to visit him in California and took pictures.
An entire room of display cases with large figures. Star Wars, Iron Man and other items. I counted 10 cases from the pictures.
Plus it spills out into the rest of his house.
I just worry that he's putting his energy toward these things when he could be out there with a pretty girl having fun.
He's a handsome young man, is in great shape and he's never had a problem with women asking him out or vise versa.
I think part of it is that he almost got married but his girlfriend of 3 years was two timing him in the last month or two of their relationship.
That was a few years ago.
We weren't sad to see her go to be frank. She was downright abusive and could be really horrible to him. Verbal and property damage kind of problems. He left her and has refused to get involved with anyone ever since.
I was proud of him for getting out of that relationship but I would like to see him happy.
I know he isn't though. He says he's fine but of all my kids he's the hardest to read. When he came to visit one of his old friends, a pretty girl in the late 20s, asked him out on a date and he told her "no thanks".
He's always liked her, Peter Parker style, but now seems hell bent on staying out of relationships forever.
I'm obviously concerned here. So are his brothers. Is there anyway to approach this?
TL;DR: My son said he never wants to marry, buys toys and refuses to date. What can we do to talk to him?
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May 7, 2018 01:30
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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That's not all so bad he probably just needs some therapy and to learn what healthy relationships are like.
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May 7, 2018 01:37
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- Doomy
- Oct 19, 2004
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She’ll fold like a cheap lawn chair and call off the wedding.
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May 7, 2018 01:41
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- Peaceful Anarchy
- Sep 18, 2005
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sXe
I am the math man.
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Fess up, which goon is this?
My son [30M] told me [58M] he's never getting married and buys toys instead.
"He's always liked her, Peter Parker style"
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May 7, 2018 01:45
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- Ebola Roulette
- Sep 13, 2010
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No matter what you win lose ragepiss.
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Your uterus is trying to tell you something.
That and her boyfriend. After the second time he married someone else wouldn't you think he was trying to tell you that you're not the one?
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May 7, 2018 01:51
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- HazCat
- May 4, 2009
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How long ago did he "almost get married" and then find out his girlfriend of 3 years was cheating on him?
Because plenty of people would not date for a while after something like that.
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May 7, 2018 01:57
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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What is it with redditors burying the lede?
How can I (f/32) save my marriage when my husband (m/35) is supporting a convicted felon?
quote:
I have fudged some details to remain anonymous but I will try my best to keep all of the important parts because I really need some outside, unbiased advice on what to do.
I just want to put it out there, but I adore my husband. I absolutely love the bones of that man. We were barely more than children when we met and we have really grown up together. I could not imagine my life without him and I know he feels the same about me. He has been such a support to me in my education and in my career. He is my best friend and the only one I know that I can be completely myself with. I just want people to understand that walking away from this man is the absolute last resort for me. I do not want to leave him if there is another option. Or if I'm wrong in all of this.
My husband, Jon, and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10. We have no kids yet but we have been trying for years at this point, with no success. Now we are looking into the possibility of fostering or adopting a child because it doesn't look like a biological child will ever happen for us. Our marriage was great at first but recently, we have been fighting about stupid things and hurting each other for the sake of scoring points. I know that behind all of the petty arguments, there is one underlying issue that we cannot agree on; his father.
5 years ago, Jon's father was sent to prison for molesting and sexually abusing a 7 year old girl that was in his care. This happened almost 40 years ago but the girl, who has probably been struggling with this her whole life and was probably afraid to come forward, finally came out and accused Jon's dad of abusing her. I don't have all the details, but this was before my FIL met my MIL. At the time the abuse happened, Jon's dad was an alcoholic and a drug user, living with another women and her young daughter. I guess that relationship dissolved and shortly after, my FIL met my MIL and they got married and went on to have 3 kids, the eldest being my husband.
From what I know, FIL has been clean of both drugs and alcohol since my husband was born, and FIL was part of the police force up until he retired shortly before he went to prison. It was a big shock to my husband and his family the day that two uniformed officers showed up at the door of their family home to bring has father in for questioning. FIL never denied the accusation but stated that he didn't remember doing it. Since the day he was first accused to now, he still maintains that he does not remember doing anything to that little girl.
At the trial, it was revealed that the molestation was not a once off. It was a repeat occurrence. FIL still states he does not remember. Two separate psychologists spoke on FIL's behalf and after assessing him, they concluded that he would not be a threat to anyone, adult or child. This is why, I believe he must have gotten a shorter sentence in a low security prison. Throughout all of this, my inlaws have stood by him, as has my husband. They believe that he was a different man back then and that he will serve his time and then everything will go back to normal.
I apologise for all of this backstory but I felt it was all necessary because, unlike my husband and my inlaws, I do not stand by my FIL. After 5 short years away, my FIL will be released within the next 6 months and I am terrified for my marriage. I have made it clear to my husband that I want nothing to do with his father. In my opinion, drugs and alcohol are not an excuse to abuse a child. They are all ready to forgive and forget but I am not. I have told my husband that I refuse to allow his father near any of our future children. Because of my health issues, adoption or fostering looked like our only option but I don't think we would be allowed adopt a child because of my FIL's history. This obviously has lead to a lot of resentment from me towards my FIL. But on the off chance we have a child, I do not want my FIL near them. I would never forgive myself if I trusted my FIL with my child and then I discover years later that he has touched or abused my child. I don't trust the psychologists who say he is not a threat. I don't believe that just because FIL has never done this again in 40 years that he will not do it again.
This is causing so much tension with my husband and the closer we get to FIL's release date, the more we fight. My husband does not agree with keeping his father away from our future kids and he especially does not want to discuss it until we have a child. The way I see it, I may not support my FIL but I don't want to hurt anyone either. I think that pretending everything is ok until we eventually have a child, and THEN telling my FIL that he has to stay away from them, will just crush him and he won't understand. I think it would completely pull the rug from under him. What I want is, before my FIL is released, for my husband to make it clear to my FIL that he cannot have access to any future children that we have and that this is a mutual decision. But because my husband disagrees, he does not want to do this and states that he wants to make it clear to FIL that these are my rules.
I just don't know what to do. Am I crazy here? Am I wrong? Is my husband right and I should give FIL the benefit of the doubt? Two psychologists did clear him and it has been 40 years... I just can't get past it.
TL;DR FIL is in prison for molesting a child 40 years ago but will be released in a few months. Husband wants to forgive and forget but I am struggling because I don't want FIL near any of our future children. My husband disagrees. What should I do?
File for divorce, OP.
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May 7, 2018 02:17
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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I mean... just don't ever leave them alone with him?
lovely situation though.
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May 7, 2018 02:25
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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I mean... just don't ever leave them alone with him?
lovely situation though.
They don’t have kids, probably can’t have kids, and I think she’s right about FIL ruining their chances to adopt. So don’t leave who alone with him?
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May 7, 2018 02:39
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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She will never have kids this way, and even if she did, her husband is defending a convicted sexual abuser of children. I don't really think there's anything other than divorce that she can or should do at this point.
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May 7, 2018 02:45
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- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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I mean, they've been married a decade and dude is defending his dad I don't think it is quite that black and white as welp better just divorce over this thing that might never even be an issue.
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May 7, 2018 02:51
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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I mean, they've been married a decade and dude is defending his dad I don't think it is quite that black and white as welp better just divorce over this thing that might never even be an issue.
She wants kids, the FIL being around will absolutely prevent adoption being a thing. It’s already an issue.
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May 7, 2018 03:05
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I follow the three strikes rule for people in this game called life and molesting children comes out to 81 strikes.
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May 7, 2018 03:12
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 03:29
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Your uterus is trying to tell you something.
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May 7, 2018 03:41
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May 6, 2018 18:42
Cat Army 
this woman really seemed like she was around my age, her attitude, her maturity levels, everything
