Vaginal Vagrant posted:

Pick I feel like we need more information. Why do these poop chuters nor gird their loins?

Best Bi Geek Squid posted:

*posts elaborate butt tube drawings*

"why doesn't anyone want to emotionally connect with me?"

Pick posted:

I have a fetish for introducing new, weird fetishes to the internet and seeing which ones can become cemented in the public psyche. I didn't think rectal tubes had the chops to make the cut, but it was doable.

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

Pick, that will never work. The internet can tell when you're just trying to be "weird" on purpose, and when the fetish comes from the heart. It's obvious.

A single pebble can ripple through the whole pond, but you must really believe and masturbate to the pebble.

Pick posted:

That's why rectal tubes went to the discard pile.

Pick posted:

That's why rectal tubes went to the discard pile.

Big Beef City posted:

Is the rectal tube fully prehensile? Like, could I use it to wave at onlookers?

Pick posted:

no. the muscles of the pooper are weak. you can do some soft wagging, at most

Charles Bukowski posted:

If I can't wrap my poo poo slinger around my waist and then unfurl it to grab like, my beer from the counter, then you might as well cut that fucker off because its JUST IN MY WAY!

Charles Bukowski posted:

If I can't wrap my poo poo slinger around my waist and then unfurl it to grab like, my beer from the counter, then you might as well cut that fucker off because its JUST IN MY WAY!

Pick posted:

something's gotta bris

Pick posted:

We have to begin in history with a simple question: Why do cats poop in secret ways?

The answer: because they do not have wiener in the back.

Though it is important to cats to spray to express their whereabouts, their precise control is restricted to the pfft-pfft-pfft of the little spraycan of the nards.

If the cat had availed itself of an evolutionary pooping wiener, it could move beyond the oft-hidden tumble turds and instead possess a marker to match the highlighter of whizz.

If humans had such a tube, to control the poop and where it was deposited, it would be much to our advantage. See FIGURE 1.



FIGURE 1.

This is a tube, like the toy water willy, that connects to the "traditional anus area" and then translocates the anus to the end of the flesh passage. See FIGURE 2.


FIGURE 2.

The spinal column is not in this tube. It operates by the same mechanisms as the trunk of an elephant, but as it is the submissive orientation, the "receptive alignment", it is weak. There is smooth muscle in the intestinal wall, and there is muscle in the sphincter, but largely, the appendage hangs. The human arm/hand can hygienically maneuver the poop tube and ensure poop is deposited according to owner preferences. See FIGURE 3.


FIGURE 3.

We must now explore the cultural dimension of the poop tube. Obviously, the civilized man would not leave something so indicative of his "animal plight" unmarred. Furthermore, there is the matter of "stimulation" of the "receptive alignment". The prostate, as noted, is a warm button of fatty jelly housed in the taint. So for the aggressive whizz-wiener to command the button and unleash the heat, the length of the poop tube must be roughly equivalent to the length of the penis.

This is not the natural configuration. The poop tube must be truncated. See FIGURE 4.


FIGURE 4.

This produces a ring of scar tissue, and the turds tumble out aimlessly. This is a gesture of trust.

Naturally, inserting the penis, roughly, into a tube which has lost the natural protection of its giving sphincter, means there will be tears. Tears mean blood, and tears mean scabs. Excessive scabbing and scar tissue is indicative of a partner who is "sexually excessive" in either force (causing lacerations and abrasions which are punishing to the weak flesh of the poop tube) or in the demands of his schedule (not allowing for tissue to heal, and possibly causing infections and improper oozing). However, a neglected rim suggests a receptive partner who is unappealing, or that it entertains a weak or lackadaisical penis.

The correct amount of sexual wear-and-tear causes few scabs that heal and flake. This creates a gleaming rim of fresh, shining skin (the skin you see under a scab). This, the ring of the poop tube is like the sugar of a margarita, catching the light, inviting with a tease. A modest man can keep his tube as such.

Of course, the poop tube is truncated to the necessary length for the corresponding penis of the partner. Otherwise, the penis will not reach its intended target, or the jelly-button will be jammed to excess.

If the poop tube is kept long, it is evidence that the recipient keeps BIG HOG company. See FIGURE 5.


FIGURE 5.

Therefore, the one with a very short tube, barely a lip, is configured for the smallest penis only (everyone will know!), and his poop will tumble near his buttcheeks. Remember that this can, and would be, and should be, disgusting to anyone, and that we only tolerate our very pooping hole living among the rump because God himself has willed it so.

Meanwhile, the one with a truncated poop tube that is long and wrecked, is someone who obviously DEMANDS a companion who is hulking and artless. It is vulgar. And to see a partner with a torn, dangling rim on the end of a loose, flapping hose, is a matter of disgust, and theirs will be a tattered flag of abandoned pleasures.

Anyone whose poop tube suggests "deviant proportions" would be known and they would know it themselves, as they directed their poop to the repository, their hand on their dishonor.

Surely there are skeptics who will fail to extol my shiny anus worldbuilding, however, it distills the essence of sex.


e: typo

Best Bi Geek Squid posted:

Ollu posted:

Is this thread ready to return to benign mental illness yet? Because I want to talk about the Game Over scene from Banjo-Kazooie on the N64.

I was 11 when it came out, and there was no incentive to win that game at the time. Hot, polygonal Gruntilda with the altered moaning sound clips over the text was its own victory.