My Lovely Horse posted:

It's like that scene in Bronson, only somehow even more hilarious.

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Solaire is working by his bonfire when he hears the booming voice of Darkstalker Kaathe from below: “Solaire, sacrifice your souls. Entrust thy flesh to me.” He ignores it. It goes on for days. “Solaire, sacrifice your souls. Entrust thy flesh to me.” After weeks of this, he relents, selling his souls. Darkstalker Kaathe says, "Solaire, go to New Londo.” He asks why. “Solaire, take thy souls to New Londo.” He obeys, goes to New Londo. Kaathe says, “Solaire, go to the deepest well of The Abyss and throw all of yours souls down into its infinite depths.” Solaire hesitates but knows he must. He's commanded by one of the Primordial Serpents, after all. The depths are the deepest blackness. “Solaire, sacrifice thy souls.” Why? The Abyss— “Sacrifice thy souls!” He demands something of Darkstalker Kaathe--to tell him if Ceaseless Discharge is an allegory for anything; he dumps some souls into the Abyss as he does so. He breathes easy. “Solaire, sacrifice all of thy souls.” What? “SACRIFICE ALL OF THY SOULS." He asks for another answer: Was the furtive pygmy a midget or a dwarf. Some more souls are sprinkled into the well. “Solaire, sacrifice thy souls,” the voice of Darkstalker Kaathe commands. I only have a million left! Solaire shouts. “SACRIFICE THY SOULS!” booms the voice. One more question, Solaire suggests, sprinkling more souls. The booming voice of Darkstalker Kaathe goes: “Hit your dick with a hammer, if you still have your foreskin it'll bounce off like it's made of stone."

Trig Discipline posted:

Here's how car crashes actually work:

Firstly the smaller of the two vehicles rolls initiative for each tire and passenger. Initiative = dice roll (d20) + dexterity bonus (power steering) + size bonus (gross vehicle weight) + speed bonuses (such as nitrox). Then write down the order on a piece of paper so you can keep track of whose go it is, first at the top. In the event of having an equal number, then both cars must reroll.
Once the order is complete then begin with the most northerly car and work your way southwards.
On each car's go they can either block and attack, attack then block or release one passenger through the windshield as a ranged weapon.
To be able to cast long ranged passengers or eject a baby carrier, make sure they have a unobstructed line of sight. To do this, choose any edge of your car's lane and make an imaginary straight line to the opposing car's rear view mirror. If there are no obstructions your car can see the enemy.
To use a fire attack: dice roll (d20) + base attack bonus + mpg modifier + bonuses (such as diesel or e90 fuels). If the total amount is equal to or larger then the enemy's armour class then that car hits then you should roll the appropriate damage dice depending on the bumper depth your character is equipped with. If the total amount is lower, the car misses.
Keep working through the list until either all the passengers die or all the cars no longer operate.

UnfurledSails posted:

The Oildome

Karate Bastard posted:

Gif people don't understand kinetics or momentum or car deformation zones so trig lays it out.

Karate Bastard posted:

Gif people don't understand kinetics or momentum or car deformation zones so trig lays it out.

frankenfreak posted:

Not sure if that's a joke or d20 Modern.

purple death ray posted:

It's a joke either way.

Mr. Apollo posted:

Slugnoid posted:

hulk smashed

Untrustable posted:

Ok I just got off the phone with my brother and he has answered your oil dome questions. I'm quoting him pretty much directly.

Did anyone ever conquer the oil cell? "No, no one hosed with me in prison".



How did you bait people into the cell? "I talked poo poo and they'd come runnin'. I'd call them faggots or pussies and tell them to come get me".

Was it weird calling people faggots since you're an openly gay man? "No. It was loving prison."

How did you get people over and over? "You wanted to either catch one of the new guys who was acting tough, or wait long enough for someone to forget that you had done it to them before"

So people willingly entered your oil cell even after getting beat up in the same way? Why? "Because if they didn't come at me they'd be fuckin' losers and the rest of the guys would gently caress with them."

Who taught you this? Or did you come up with it on your own? "It's just prison poo poo. Everyone did it."

And a shocking revelation...

You're telling me your whole cell block knew the oil gambit and did it to each other? "Yeah but I was really good at it."

Did you ever get oiled? "Yeah but he was naked and oiled himself up and I was naked so it was a fair fight."

Did you win? "Yeah."

He says he's glad y'all can have a laugh about it and says hi.

Sagebrush posted:

Also, people in prisons are allowed to have microwaves? A heating device with a 40000 volt transformer inside?

frankenfreak posted:

Not sure if that's a joke or d20 Modern.

Wraith of J.O.I. posted:

lmao

https://twitter.com/willmenaker/status/997492282898243584?s=21

Plank Walker posted:

peterson has a lot of knowledge about witches and dragons because all 3 of them understand the hardships of being green

Kalli posted:

https://twitter.com/FOX26Houston/status/996838789451427840

Man, imagine going back to the late 90's and telling high school me that one day sickos would be getting busted with terabytes of porn when 1gb seemed bafflingly large.

Raku posted:

putting my name in to be the new mod of whatever forum this guy had

Eat This Glob posted:

More dispatches from The Oil Dome

this broken hill posted:

i've never been in love before...

Krankenstyle posted:

not sure if calling netanyahu cheney is worse than calling cheney netanyahu

probably theyre the lovely same

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Conflating Sharon and Netanyahu is the worst, though.

this broken hill posted:

bibi would be too insecure to let himself be photographed snuggling a poodle puppy. that's why he will be punished horribly by fate, whereas ariel's punishment has been more abstract and esoteric, because he was a kind and tender man who happened to do terrible, terrible things

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

sunken fleet posted:

christ 58 terabytes? what. the. gently caress.
guy just has... a dozen? two, three dozen? hdds filled with heinous poo poo

Krankenstyle posted:

"anyone who publishes a photograph with themself and a puppy is a good person"
– liberals of america

Krankenstyle posted:

erp gently caress lol


this seems true as well

"anyone who publishes a photograph with themself and a puppy is a good person"
– liberals of america

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Avs is Australian, friendo.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

The thing about death is that it will come for your regardless of what you do.

Krankenstyle posted:

oh poo poo are you av---m i didnt know, im a huge fan of your posting

this broken hill posted:

it was like forty years ago, pedigree poodles were functional dogs then, even the little ones

nowadays toy poodles are freakish goggle-eyed trembling bald-faced deer things, i still love them because they're dogs but they freak me out

this broken hill posted:

the only goons i can still trust to be honest are the fyads