|
Yeah, I find it helpful to mentally retrace my steps and properly define what's wrong and what's contributing to the way I feel. I've just been so overwhelmed and emotionally raw lately that it feels harder to keep those systems working for me
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:34
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 12, 2024 23:20 |
|
|
I want to thank you all for replying, too. It means a lot.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:36
|
|
UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:Yeah, I find it helpful to mentally retrace my steps and properly define what's wrong and what's contributing to the way I feel. I've just been so overwhelmed and emotionally raw lately that it feels harder to keep those systems working for me Are you getting more overwhelmed because of life, or are your old faithfuls just not as effective anymore? I've had to switch my strategy up several times because whatever I was doing just stopped working.
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:38
|
|
|
You know how to get ahold of me if you need a distraction duder
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:43
|
|
|
boop the snoot posted:Are you getting more overwhelmed because of life, or are your old faithfuls just not as effective anymore? I've had to switch my strategy up several times because whatever I was doing just stopped working. It's a bit of both, combined with finally venting to my girlfriend about some of that poo poo that I've just kept bottled up. Letting it out is helpful, but it leaves me drained and feeling susceptible to the anxiety, I guess is how it feels. Talking through it all with her is helpful, and it's something I'm going to talk to a VSO about because I can see where poo poo is associated to my experiences in the army and it amplifies the anxiety by seemingly a thousand-fold. Like, the panic attack leave me feeling paralyzed and trembling with fear at their worst, so for the time being I'm just trying to first mitigate that, and then I want to work long-term, because I know that this is something that I'll be living with. I'm trying to stay positive through it all and I'm going to hunt the good stuff (not really lol, just thought about that dumb army resiliency)
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:49
|
|
|
Also, having this space to share with everyone here who has gone through similar experiences is just so incredibly cathartic and I'm thankful I've got a resource like it and community of other broke brained vets and like-minded people to reach out to when times are tough. I can see how without a good support system in place can lead to the fear bring so overwhelming that suicide starts to feel like an option to deal with it. Not to worry, I'm not having any ideations or thoughts. I think I'm in a good place now, I hope y'all have a blessed day. I'm going to go take a final. I'll check back in afterward.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 18:53
|
|
|
No worries!  Re:imposter syndrome, I feel the same, I feel like I was barely in what common culture would consider a "combat zone", I never fired my weapon in combat, I barely got shot at/attempted to get blown up, so why is it bothering me so much? I had to talk things thru with my VA therapist at the time. I mentioned my thoughts and feelings I had from my deployment, and she basically ordered me to apply for disability. Shoot, my biggest freak out things, was from when my superiors messed up (*I* was obeying regs and SOPs) and I almost shot and killed an innocent family. So it's, like, why should I be bothered by this?
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 19:36
|
|
|
imposter syndrome is a bitch and i can't wait to graduate and start my job and be around people who are more my age. that's probably been the least enjoyable thing about being in school, even though it's probably been the most relaxing time in my life. and if i have it about something so stupid, don't feel bad about having it for stuff regarding combat, or a lack of combat.
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 19:43
|
|
|
I go through the same thing as well. These are all great suggestions. I do the mindfulness too. I also like to read and practice some stoicism exercises. Check out the a view from above exercise, it helps me realize that the things I'm stressing out about aren't that bad. https://dailystoic.com/view-from-above/
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 19:53
|
|
|
boop the snoot posted:imposter syndrome is a bitch and i can't wait to graduate and start my job and be around people who are more my age. that's probably been the least enjoyable thing about being in school, even though it's probably been the most relaxing time in my life. For real, even though I'm only 26 (almost 27), I feel absolutely out of place among my classmates, most of whom are six to eight years my younger. poo poo sucks at times, especially when I have teachers telling me they expect me to be a leader because I'm older. Like, gently caress, I'm in this class to learn the poo poo as much as the kids are, I'm not here to lead them in anything. Finished the final I was feeling a lot of anxiety about, and it wasn't too incredibly hard. I even had a lot of fun decrypting a ROT-1 cipher. Again, y'all are good people.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 20:40
|
|
|
gently caress that be a leader bullshit. You are paying the school money for classes. So are the other people. The other people are not your problem whatsoever. gently caress them.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 20:49
|
|
|
Nostalgia4Murder posted:gently caress that be a leader bullshit. You are paying the school money for classes. So are the other people. The other people are not your problem whatsoever. gently caress them. Seconding this.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 20:56
|
|
|
On the one hand, I'd second the whole "gently caress that leader bullshit", but on the other hand, don't avoid opportunities to hold yourself to a higher standard while in school. Never loving avoid those opportunities. The first time I thought about that, I figured this was some temporary issue of simply "selling myself" and selling "my personal brand" and all that good poo poo. Ultimately, keeping myself on my toes was absolutely invaluable though. Part of the motivation came from crushing these loving entitled college kids, because I'm 8 years older, another part came from being an unwashed socialist and needing to prove something, idk. At the end of the day, getting better grades than the other 99% owned a whole lot and did a number on my confidence. That, however, is also the problem. Wrecking college kids left and right through the application of a modicum of effort and diligence will make you feel invulnerable. Once you end up in a job after a considerable phase outside the gainful employment life, you might have somewhat skewed expectations of what's to come following that. I landed a dope position in Munich, and for the first couple of months, I was kinda levitating on this cloud of confidence. It took me a little bit to realize that I'm no longer among the sharpest tools in the shed by loving default, and that I'd have to get back to getting better in order to "stay good".
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 22:07
|
|
|
I’m barely pulling a 3.0 and I can get letters of recommendation from anybody on the faculty at school for anything simply because I took initiative a lot where other students usually don’t. Don’t discount the benefits of showing leadership qualities and responsibility. On the same token, don’t spoon feed your dumbass classmates. Sometimes you just gotta let those fuckers drown.
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 22:11
|
|
|
I had opportunities of letting motherfuckers drown like a hatching battery suffocates hatchlings in CO2 tubs. It didn't take a lot to impress my professors, but it also didn't take a lot to figure out they'd judge you as a human being regardless of your academic performance, so loving over "peers" while making sure you turn in excellence went out the window pretty early. Make sure your professors see you're putting in the work, is what I'm saying
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 22:20
|
|
|
UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:For real, even though I'm only 26 (almost 27), I feel absolutely out of place among my classmates, most of whom are six to eight years my younger. poo poo sucks at times, especially when I have teachers telling me they expect me to be a leader because I'm older. Like, gently caress, I'm in this class to learn the poo poo as much as the kids are, I'm not here to lead them in anything. I feel you. I gave a speech and no one knew who Richard Simmons was. Also gently caress your teacher. I told that to my Italian teacher after I was struggling and getting frustrated and she said “who?” As in who are you trying to lead? I realized I didn’t have to. The teacher should be the loving leader, they’re the ones teaching.
|
|
#
?
Mar 10, 2018 23:10
|
|
|
I&I 1stSgt for my company committed suicide at home on Friday. I don't know for sure why, but we're speculating it might have something to do with the divorce he was going through. Service is tomorrow but I can't make it because of work, it's out of state, and I don't have a way to get there. He never said anything to anyone. Get help ya'll.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2018 02:29
|
|
|
Sorry to hear that, man. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2018 04:56
|
|
|
RIP Christine Fleming. I don't know why made you leave behind your three kids but it must've been awful.
|
|
#
?
Apr 25, 2018 00:21
|
|
|
A Bad Poster posted:I love it when you get a new commander who says during their change of command "I saw your training cycle and I think it's too much, I'm going to help you" and then it actually gets worse. I guess I'm going to be spending 7 of my last 12 months in the army in the field! God that reminds me of sea duty. "Take classes during this yard period, use the free time well." Two weeks of half day fridays and clocking out at 14 and six section duty. I sign up for grad school classes. Three weeks later: "So uh, we gotta reduce duty sections to 3, working parties until 23, oh and come in at 4 for drills and Sunday and Saturday working parties because the commodore thinks the boat looks dirty (jeez I wonder why maybe because we're blasting rust off the the well deck around the clock) . Just until we pass INSURV and LOA." Three months later: "Oh we failed everything. We just gotta work 90 hour weeks for only 6 more months! Good luck guys, I'm off to shore duty!" Worst CO. I tried to volunteer to IA to Afghanistan or Iraq to leave that command. On the plus side of being so miserable there, I learned that while operational commands will tell you that they'll burn you if you get help, there are parts of the military can actually help and it won't really impact your career all that much. No impact to security clearance and I've even gotten a waiver approved for a very sensitive job after that. So if you need it, just get the help. Butter Activities fucked around with this message at 20:31 on May 4, 2018 |
|
#
?
May 4, 2018 20:28
|
|
|
So I mentioned that we recently lost one of our former soldiers to suicide recently, and yesterday we almost lost another. I'm so frustrated because everyone wanted to help but were so deaf to what they were saying. "I'm just going to go back to drinking because when I black it I'm not stressed," or "I was planning on taking these pills last night but the baby distracted me," isn't a loving asking for a night out with the boys. They never asked her "if you were to take the night off, would someone be able to watch the kids?" Or "do you want to go to the hospital?" I hope she continues to get help and I'm not sure what we need to do to ensure she keeps getting help. I'm glad she's being taken care of right now, and that she spoke out, but Jesus Christ, my command didn't realize they're not doctors or therapists and I feel like they almost missed the point.
|
|
#
?
May 6, 2018 16:54
|
|
|
Get help if you need it motherfuckers. Got the word that a close friend took his life last night.
|
|
#
?
May 16, 2018 16:23
|
|
|
Sorry to hear that, dude.
|
|
#
?
May 16, 2018 16:47
|
|
|
So I was just over to visit one of the guys I served with, he got fired from the local ambulance service a while back for 'some bullshit'. I dunno what, and I only found out cause I was texting him to put in a good word for me when I apply. I was only there for a second, but I swear his fiancè had two massive black eyes, but she almost RAN away when she saw me at the door and I got never got past the treshold. I know he's had anger and authority issues since Afghanistan. Thats why the reserves didn't want him and now I'm really worried he's taking his frustrations out on his fiance. I've messaged him a couple times asking if he wants to just hang out and talk somewhere outside, or needs help to contact our country's VA equivalent but he insists he's fine. None of our friends know much about his fiancè. She's foreign, an orphan and doesn't really have anyone, either in-country or at all really so if no one hears from her no one thinks its a big deal. It could have been nothing. I mean he's such a good guy. But thats what everyone says until its too late right? How do you approach someone and try to find out if they beat their girl?
|
|
#
?
May 26, 2018 00:35
|
|
|
What country?
|
|
#
?
May 27, 2018 05:36
|
|
|
Norway. I called his folks and asked around discreetly, but they still think he's with the amb service. I guess my choices are make it a police thing -I still hope it might be nothing or I imagine poo poo- or find out more before I do. We served together for a long time, and I refuse to believe I can be that wrong. I'm dropping by with pizza and something non alcoholic all surprise-like tonight.
|
|
#
?
May 27, 2018 15:40
|
|
|
It's not pleasant but sometimes you have to understand that a person can change and sometimes not for the better. If he's abusing his wife, imagine how much worse it is for her; she may have been in love with this guy, and it's common for abused partners to still see it that way, so they avoid "ruining" the relationship -- so she's effectively trapped in an abusive cycle until she's dead or someone says something. I'll take the freedom of an abused person over friendship any day. You may want to look into Social Services. Wasabi the J fucked around with this message at 17:57 on May 27, 2018 |
|
#
?
May 27, 2018 17:54
|
|
|
loving hell. Are you close to the fiance at all - as in, can you talk to her and put her onto social services? A friend of mine recently approached me and told me her partner had been hitting her and my advice was more or less to get the gently caress out, fast, and gave her some resources which identify aspects of abusive relationships. https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/what-is-domestic-violence/cycle-of-violence/ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm If it's at all possible to get those resources to her, it might well be worth it, but as far as your friend goes, I don't know. You could sit him down and just give it to him straight - 'this is what I saw. Can you tell me what's going on?' without being accusative. But hell. I don't know, man. I would be contacting a professional to ask their advice. If you are this concerned for her, you need to address the situation, because people don't just imagine seeing black eyes and women running away so they don't get seen. The thing is, if the relationship is already to the point where she is being hit like that, her life may be in danger. This is a really serious situation and I wish you the best in dealing with it. You can always hit me up on discord if you need to chat.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2018 06:29
|
|
|
I'm not gonna go into it, for privacy reasons and I've been loose enough with my personal details around GiP that it could conceivably be possibly to figure out who my buddy is, but yeah it turned out he was beating her. Severely. As well as other kinds of domestic abuse. She's in hospital, and he's been arrested. She'll be taken care of by the system. I should have moved more decisively when I saw what I saw, but I just didn't believe this could be my friend. I should have listened to you guys and acted quicker. Hopefully she'll be ok and hopefully he'll get some help.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 15:35
|
|
|
Nuclear War posted:I'm not gonna go into it, for privacy reasons and I've been loose enough with my personal details around GiP that it could conceivably be possibly to figure out who my buddy is, but yeah it turned out he was beating her. Severely. As well as other kinds of domestic abuse. Don't beat yourself up over not acting quicker. You weren't sure, and you sought advice. There's nothing wrong with that. She's getting help now and he's locked up, so that's good.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 15:47
|
|
|
You still did the right thing. Most people don't have the guts to speak up. Thank you for being a good person.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 18:02
|
|
|
Naked Bear posted:You still did the right thing. Most people don't have the guts to speak up. Thank you for being a good person. Echoing this. DV is lovely all the way around.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 18:07
|
|
|
Naked Bear posted:You still did the right thing. Most people don't have the guts to speak up. Thank you for being a good person.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 19:36
|
|
|
Naked Bear posted:You still did the right thing. Most people don't have the guts to speak up. Thank you for being a good person. Basically this. The only thing you could have done was confront him yourself who may have also been violent towards you for calling out his misbehaviour. Dont best yourself up, and understand that people are always changing. Not always for the better.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 20:26
|
|
|
Naked Bear posted:You still did the right thing. Most people don't have the guts to speak up. Thank you for being a good person. You did what you could man. Half the reason it's as common as it is is that people pretend not to notice. Thank you for being a good person willing to speak up.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:47
|
|
|
With all the Bourdain stuff out now, I figured it'd be good to repost this.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 18:38
|
|
|
Nuclear War posted:So I was just over to visit one of the guys I served with, he got fired from the local ambulance service a while back for 'some bullshit'. I dunno what, and I only found out cause I was texting him to put in a good word for me when I apply. Good on you for looking into this though, so many people are incapable of ever thinking that someone they know or trusted could ever be abusive or have been hiding a darker side.
|
|
#
?
Jun 15, 2018 23:22
|
|
|
Nuclear War posted:I'm not gonna go into it, for privacy reasons and I've been loose enough with my personal details around GiP that it could conceivably be possibly to figure out who my buddy is, but yeah it turned out he was beating her. Severely. As well as other kinds of domestic abuse. you are the best nuclear war ever. thank you
|
|
#
?
Jun 20, 2018 22:54
|
|
|
Herr Tog posted:you are the best nuclear war ever. thank you Yeah. You did the right thing. That would suck, but it would suck a lot more just being another bystander who saw abuse and let it slide.
|
|
#
?
Jun 23, 2018 02:53
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 12, 2024 23:20 |
|
|
12 years ago yesterday, we were on our way to Kirkuk when our lead vehicle got blown the gently caress up. My best friend on my deployment was in the truck. And now here come the fireworks, for like, the next 36 hours. Fmgl.
|
|
#
?
Jul 3, 2018 12:58
|
|