/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Catalina: May 20, 2008

Midnight Voyager posted:

quote:
I made some rules for the house. They broke it. They were punished for something big like skipping school and hurling expletives. For minor things like staying out beyond midnight, till they informed me, I was liberal. And all this was discussed with them.over the years.

It's always interesting to compare what or wasn't acceptable in my upbringing to other peoples'. My parents were very typical American Baby Boomers who wanted to be friends with their kids as well as parents, and were successful at it, IMO. In a lot of ways, they were definitely a Cool Mom and Cool Dad. The idea of using expletives as a severe behavior issue worth the most severe punishment made me do a double take, because my mom and I had a relationship where when I was a teen my mom and I would use a lot of ironic cursing like, "You can go out to ______ Catalina, but be back before 9PM" and I'd answer back like (completely ironically), "Yeah, yeah, just 9PM? That's cause you're a real bitch, mom" and she'd reply something like, "Yeah, yeah, you know I am"
Just the other day, she accidentally dropped a soda bottle, and shook-up soda came bursting out of it. It was getting everywhere, and I started to say, "Motherfu--" and stopped, but when things had calmed down a bit, she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You didn't have to stop on my account. That was a situation where you should say, 'Motherfucker!''"

# ? May 29, 2018 02:51

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# ? May 14, 2024 23:54

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Scathach posted:

I think he realized too late he had kids with a moron, and was hoping to take them all out in one fell swoop of wasps. I mean, he locked the door and made a sandwich.

that's basically taunting a wasp, no wonder they stayed angry

# ? May 29, 2018 02:53

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

Milotic posted:

Lmao, nice job imploding your marriage idiot

My(32F) husband (35M) , married 2 years together for 7, saved the dog and ran when me and our twins (1F) were in danger.

On a separate note, if you�re having to involve a third party in your marriage to resolve issues on a regular basis, you are not in fact getting on well.

I imagine this dude looks like and acts like Jerry from Rick and Morty.

# ? May 29, 2018 02:57

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Salty Josh posted:

I imagine this dude looks like and acts like Jerry from Rick and Morty.

Hahaha I couldn't put my finger on it but that's exactly who he is

# ? May 29, 2018 03:17

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

lmao at this comment (bolding theirs)

quote:

If those wasps had gotten ahold of your children, they could have DIED. No exaggeration. He could have KILLED YOUR BABIES. He needs to understand just how serious this situation is.

# ? May 29, 2018 03:55

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

oh my god they're just wasps jfc get a GRIP

# ? May 29, 2018 03:56

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Posted byu/friendbabythrow1
1 year ago
My [22M] gay friend [21M] wants to get a girlfriend, have a bay and split with her. I'm lost for words.Personal issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4qw9w9/my_22m_gay_friend_21m_wants_to_get_a_girlfriend/

quote:

If this was a random reddit post I came across I would assume it's a troll, however I can assure you it's not and I need some advice.

My friend we'll call Aaron is gay. He has had girlfriends in the past when he was about 13-16, but since he came out at 17, he's been exclusively with guys.

Aaron is not the stereotypical gay that gets portrayed in the media (don't mean to offend anyone here), if you don't know he's gay, you probably wouldn't guess. His friends are mainly guys and he's just into guy things like us (only mentioning this because a girl wouldn't realise that he's gay).

Now Aaron has always wanted kids, but he's gay so there's a problem. He doesn't want a kid with another guy though, and he wants the child to be biologically his and to have a mother. So he has come to the conclusion that the best way to do this would be to date a girl, get her pregnant, then split with her about a year or 2 after it's born. He had it all planned out.

I honestly didn't know what to say at first, I thought it was some sort of joke to see my reaction, but at the same time, he seemed very serious. I was trying to convince him how horrible this would be for the girl and the child in the long run, and it was incredibly selfish of him to do this. He started getting emotional saying he wishes he could just be straight and do it the traditional way, but he's gay and can't see any other way.

I'm still bemused by how selfish it is and how many lives he could potentially ruin, including his own. I don't think he's a bad person, I think he's getting desperate and has made a bad decision that needs to be stamped out before it gets put into action. But at the moment I don't know how to do this, so any advice would be appreciated.

tl;dr: My gay friend wants to start a relationship, impregnate the girl and then leave her after the baby is born because he wants a biological child. I think this is selfish and sick, he doesn't see it this way. Advice please?

Update: I have spoke with my friend this morning about it as we were drinking last night when he said it. He told me it was the drink talking and yes even though he had planned it one day when he was feeling really low whilst drinking, he wouldn't do it and sees that the drinking is the main part of the problem causing him to be depressed and think of some ridiculous ideas. So he is going to the doctors about depression and to help sort his drinking habits. So to the people who have called me a disgusting person, him a disgusting person, there is more to this than meets the eye and people shouldn't be so judgmental.

# ? May 29, 2018 03:56

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

it's a loving baby not an abandoned burrito the wasp isn't that into it!!

# ? May 29, 2018 03:56

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

I like Dirt Dobbers. Those are the friendly wasps.

# ? May 29, 2018 03:56

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Scathach posted:

Well she had another adult with them. I guess the other adult was a pansy-rear end too.

E: crap they're all just idiots.

I still think Gina�s OK.

Scathach posted:

I think he realized too late he had kids with a moron, and was hoping to take them all out in one fell swoop of wasps. I mean, he locked the door and made a sandwich.

Whoa. I had not considered that. What if he planted the wasps? No one else saw him disturb the nest, right? He just ccame flying across the yard with the wasp militia in hot pursuit.

Salty Josh posted:

I imagine this dude looks like and acts like Jerry from Rick and Morty.

I didn�t realize that�s what I was picturing, but that is aboslutely what I was picturing.

value-brand cereal posted:

Posted byu/friendbabythrow1
1 year ago
My [22M] gay friend [21M] wants to get a girlfriend, have a bay and split with her. I'm lost for words.Personal issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4qw9w9/my_22m_gay_friend_21m_wants_to_get_a_girlfriend/

Feed this guy to the wasps.

# ? May 29, 2018 04:02

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Salty Josh posted:

I like Dirt Dobbers. Those are the friendly wasps.

Yeah they're wannabe wasps who keep trying to gentrify the northwest corner of my place.

# ? May 29, 2018 04:07

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

But they eat the bad bugs.

# ? May 29, 2018 04:08

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

git gud scrub

quote:

Me [21/M] and my girlfriend [20/F] got in a fight over Fortnite.

u/oscarscoe

I invited my girlfriend over to my apartment last night to just hang out and have some casual downtime together. While we were just hanging around and watching TV, her phone rings and she says it's her mom. I know that all of her calls with her mom last a VERY long time, so while she went into my room to take the call, I decided to kill some time by playing some Fortnite on PS4.

As usual, her call with her mom lasted forever. I had played nearly three full games of Fortnite by the time she was finished and then she came over to watch me play. She had never actually seen any Fortnite gameplay before, so she just sat down and instantly bombarded me with questions about the game. She started with the usual "What are you playing?" and "How do you play?" and it got to the point where I had to explain all of the rules to her while I was in the middle of a match. And yes, me explaining the rules to her resulted in me not being able to hear someone rushing behind me and killing me. I was pretty upset, but I knew not to take it out on my girlfriend. So I played another game and in the middle of the game, my girlfriend asks "Can I play?" I told her she could play the next game, but again I was distracted and got killed right then and there.

Then came my girlfriend's turn and she had no clue what she was doing. It took her forever to glide down onto the island and when she did, she immediately got killed since she wanted to land right in the middle of Tilted Towers without a weapon. She kept insisting on playing again and again until she won a game. I knew there was no chance of that happening anytime soon, but I stuck through it. But after AT LEAST 10 straight games of her dying within a minute of landing on the island, I pulled the controller away from her and decided to show her how to play the right way. I began my game and I was actually playing a pretty solid game. I got a few kills and even managed to get my hand on a gold scar. I made it to the end of the game where it was me vs. one other player. But out of nowhere, the screen goes black. My girlfriend had turned off the PS4 and when I asked why, she said "You were ignoring me. I want my turn back." I was pissed at her, so I yelled at her to get out of my apartment, but she stood her ground. She said "Don't take your anger out on me just because you suck at the game." I threw that right back at her and said "Look who's talking! You're the only person I know who struggles to open their loving chute!" I knew what I was saying probably didn't phase her, but I didn't care. My girlfriend's response was "I just wanted to learn how to play the game!" I then simmered down and apologized for yelling at her. She apologized for turning off the PS4 and I restarted it so I could show her how to play.

And you know what happened? She won a loving game. For the whole match, she had zero kills and just stayed hidden in the attic of a house for a majority of the game. Her only kill (the winning kill) came just because she laid a trap at the entrance of the house she was hiding in and the other remaining player stepped right into it, so it technically doesn't even count as a kill on her part. She was excited to have won a game and I was even more upset since I've never won a game. I turned off the PS4 and suggested we do something else. But my girlfriend was mad that I turned off the game and I responded with "Feel familiar?" She wanted to keep playing, but I was this close to just locking up the PS4 in the closet for the rest of the night. My girlfriend grabbed all of her stuff (she was planning on spending the night) and she called me an rear end in a top hat as she left my apartment.

We haven't talked since last night. I tried calling her once, but it went straight to voice mail. I know that we both are at fault for last night and now I just want to know where to go. Should I try and talk to her first, or should I wait for when she contacts me? I'm not sure who shares most of the blame for last night, so I'm just asking where to go from here.

tldr: Girlfriend and I fought over a game of Fortnite.

I love that after this guy cockblocks himself and goes to the Internet for advice, his primary concern is explaining why his girlfriend's win doesn't actually count

# ? May 29, 2018 04:20

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Straight White Shark posted:

git gud scrub

I love that after this guy cockblocks himself and goes to the Internet for advice, his primary concern is explaining why his girlfriend's win doesn't actually count

That post annoys me for what a dipshit that guy is

I hope they break up

Maybe she can fling a beehive at him or something

# ? May 29, 2018 04:26

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

quote:

And you know what happened? She won a loving game.

Owned, hard. Lmao

# ? May 29, 2018 04:31

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

I'm [26F] pregnant for the first time with husband's [36M] baby. His daughter [7F] from his first marriage is ruining my life.Personal issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2cg1kl/im_26f_pregnant_for_the_first_time_with_husbands/

quote:

I'm sure my husband doesn't even know that reddit exists, but I'm sure we have friends who go on this sub so I'm using a throwaway for this one. I feel like the worst person in the world for typing this out to begin with but I need some reassurance or some practical ways I can handle this situation.

Backstory:

My husband and I are very much in love. We met over five years ago through work and got married last year. It was my first marriage and his second. We recently bought a house together and everything, and decided it was a good time to start a family. After months of trying I am now pregnant with a beautiful, wrinkly fetus. I'm about 5 months along at the moment and though I feel a bit more emotional/craving-crazy than I used to be, I still feel rather healthy and good about myself. My husband was supportive and took very good care of me - until Ava (obviously not her real name) came into our life.

Ava:

Ava is from my husband's first marriage. He was married to a kind woman who, after only 4 years of marriage, grew bored of him and cheated on him with many men. When my husband found out (he went through her cellphone on a gut feeling) he was livid and upset with her. She had been sending and receiving nudes for months back. Despite this, he wanted to work things out with her but she had already moved in with another man, taken Ava with her, served him divorce papers along with a restraining order. She has also sent Ava to therapists, trying to brainwash her into thinking my husband was a neglectful father. My husband took this sack of poo poo to court to fight for joint custody but ultimately lost. He can only see her a few times a year. Immediately after winning, said sack of poo poo took Ava and moved to a different city almost three hours away with her new man. Since her birth in 2007, my husband has only seen Ava about a dozen times for special occasions or weddings. He technically still has custody of her, but not at all primary; only on paper.

Meeting:

We met when I was 20 and he was 30. He was still in the middle of divorce papers and was wrecked from having to pay alimony along with child support and not being able to get any closure on his marriage or access to his daughter. We became good friends and hung out often until about a year into the friendship we decided to move in together. I needed a roommate, and he needed a roommate because he could no longer support himself living alone. We fell for each other gradually until we were in love, and after his finances were straightened out he proposed to me and we were married last year as I'd said before.

Now:

Long story short, Ava's rent-a-womb broke it off with yet another man. Word of mouth is, she met another man online who lives an entire state away and wanted to go live with him. She left Ava with her parents (Ava's maternal grandparents) who live in our city, but the maternal grandparents are old. They're old, weak, and though they like having their granddaughter around they can't raise her. They can't help with homework or help her get ready for school. They don't drive. So one day Ava literally just showed up on our doorstep and we've had to readjust our whole lives for her.

I've never had so much hatred for a 7 year old in my life. I feel like poo poo.

Ava is the rudest little girl I've ever seen. She has no manners and no consideration for anyone. She talks back to her father and gives him attitude. She only smiles and acts loving when she wants something, like new toys or clothes she wants. When she found out she was to get a younger sibling, I let her rub my belly - instead she smacked me! She's smacked my belly at random times when I walk past her and it makes me livid and drives me to tears. I tell her that it's unacceptable to hit anyone, especially her sibling, but she screams that I'm not her mom and I can't tell her what to do (who's heard of THAT one before?)

I told my husband about her behaviour and how she acts when he's not around - deliberately makes messes that I have to clean, draws on my paintings and books with markers, won't eat my home cooked food but demands pizza and ice cream - and instead of scolding and disciplining her, he placates her and gets her what she wants. His idea of scolding is "Don't do that again, okay?" It's like he's gone from being a dependable family man to a flaccid doormat of a father.

I want to send her back to her sack-of-poo poo mother. Maybe she'd be better off in foster care but at this point I don't care anymore. Is there ANY way that I can deal with this in a practical way? I can't even keep my head straight. I don't like feeling toxic when I am about to be a mother. I've tried so hard to be a mother figure to this girl the best I can be but this girl is beastly to me. I'm always walking by her with my hands around my belly in case she strikes me again. If this is how she is going to be, I don't want her to affect my unborn baby. She's already having a profound negative effect on my husband. I hate her stupid white trash mother for ripping her away from my husband, denying him access, and then dumping her on her parents and then onto us once she wanted some new out-of-state cock to ride. I know this girl is the consequence of her environment, it HAS to be. But I don't know what we can do at this point. I've never worked with behavioural children, and I've never DREAMED that I'd be a wicked stepmother figure in the midst of being barefoot and pregnant.

My question is, how the hell can I sort this family out without going absolutely mental?? I feel like a prisoner in my own home and didn't sign up for this sort of dysfunctional nonsense. This is affecting my sanity, my marriage, and my family. Any input or solutions are welcome - PLEASE HELP.

tl;dr: Husband's ex-wife denies him contact with his daughter for years, dumps her onto us when it became inconvenient for her. I (husband's now second wife) am pregnant with our first child, and didn't expect the daughter to be such a vicious, spoiled animal. It's having a huge effect on my marriage and our family.

UPDATE 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2cio4x/update_im_26f_pregnant_for_the_first_time_with/

quote:

Since I've started walking around with my hands casually on my belly when around Ava, she hasn't been hitting me as much as she used to. This morning over breakfast, in front of both my husband and me, Ava told me that "I hope your baby dies." My husband had been asking her what she thinks we should name the baby - we came up with ways to try and include her in the pregnancy - and she said "nothing." After my husband and I both took turns asking her "Come on, you can think of a boy name and a girl name!" she told me "I hope your baby dies."

I didn't say anything and let my husband discipline her. But as always, his idea of discipline is to say simply, "You're a big girl, you shouldn't say those things." I asked him into the next room and asked that he be more firm with her, as she had been physically punching me in the belly and now it's looking like she'll be saying she hopes the baby dies.

Thanks for all your responses. I've read through each one of them, and though I couldn't reply to your comments I really appreciated the input. One poster actually mentioned that I might be jealous of Ava's existence because it's a reminder that I'm going through a first marriage and my first pregnancy with someone who's done it all before. And you know what, I'll admit, that does bother me a bit - having Ava be so behavioural and difficult as she is isn't really helping my feelings, either. Though I will say, not many commenters in my OP said much about what to do about Ava hitting me on my 5-month-pregnant belly.

But I can say that I've never talked badly about biomom in front of her. If I seem hostile towards her, it's probably because she acts so beastly to me no matter what I do for her - cook for her, pack her lunches, pick her up from camp - and even resorts to hitting me. That I cannot look past. Sorry if that makes me immature and selfish but I don't want to surround myself with that kind of negativity EVEN if it comes from a seven year old.

I'm going to ask my husband (he's speaking to Ava right now) that I'll be going to live with my parents for a while or if not, my sister. I want to finish the rest of my pregnancy in peace and without stress. The best thing for me right NOW is to protect the baby in my own belly. Ava is also behavioural towards her father, so I'll say that this time can be used for Ava and husband to bond. It would temporarily move me out of sight and maybe allow husband some 1:1 time with Ava. Maybe by the time I'm back in the family home with our new addition she'll cool off a bit and we can start therapy, as many many of you have suggested.

Thanks for your input, reddit. I appreciated every thought.

tl;dr: Ava is now saying she "hopes the baby dies." Husband hears and is talking to her. I'm going to ask him if I can finish the rest of my pregnancy at my parents'/sister's home in peace and safety while he spends the time bonding with Ava, and we will all start some therapy time when I return with the new baby.

UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2d4cyr/final_update_im_26f_pregnant_for_the_first_time/

quote:

Since my last update, we have put Ava into therapy and began attending marital counselling. Ava is going to therapy twice a week, and my husband and I are attending once a week. I'm glad that we managed to get everything out during our very first session, as we have the remainder of the sessions to work towards resolving the marriage as well.

A lot of my anger has gone away since I moved out. I'm writing this from my parents' home and I feel safe and relaxed. I've been taking some maternity yoga classes for my own peace, and I think I quite like it. Husband and I talk or text almost every day over the phone, and we plan to meet up or have me come by once or twice a week to our family home to do 'family activities' as the therapist suggested.

I know many of you suggested that I stay in the family home but the peace that I feel now with Peanut (we nicknamed the little one), I wouldn't trade this experience away. I finally feel like I can indulge and experience my pregnancy to its fullest.

Ava and I did have one last violent fallout before I moved out. I put my hands on Ava when she came in for another swing. This was right after the talk that my husband had with her about absolutely no hitting, so I quickly grabbed her wrist. No hitting, no spanking, just grabbed her wrists to restrain her. I told her that I would not tolerate being hit, reminded her of the no hitting rule, and asked that she please stop. She retaliated by swinging her leg up to kick me in the stomach (think Gerard Butler's "THIS IS SPARTA" kick scene).

My god, the willpower it took for me not to slap her across the face was burning but I managed to walk away - in tears, but still - managed to tell her what big trouble she was going to be in for hitting again and came straight back with her dad in tow, who gave her a big stern lecture about it. This happened a day after the first child therapy session, so my husband and I were pretty relieved that we had got the ball rolling on that therapy and he supports me 100% in my decision to move out until the end of my pregnancy.

His issues are that he has no idea what to do with Ava, and is afraid that she will hate him if he is too hard on her. Remember that he was basically cut out of her life for almost her entire childhood until her biomom abandoned her. It was here that I told him that I was unhappy that he appeared to be bending over backwards for Ava while neglecting Peanut. I raised the issue of hard discipline and drawing rules, and the counsellor will help us out in drawing up fair house rules. Some of them include:

No hitting and no name-calling

Eat whatever is put on your plate, dessert will only be after your meal is finished

Help out with household chores, small things, in exchange for a small allowance

My husband and I both agreed that we would treat Ava fairly and discipline the same way, and that the same rules for Ava would also apply to our own child. I know we won't be applying similar rules to the baby in its toddlerhood but we feel it's a good guide and it can show Ava the nature of house rules and that life requires some order and discipline, things that she's probably not used to having around. But we're starting that NOW.

We haven't heard from rent-a-womb for weeks now, not even a single phone call to see how Ava is doing with the transition. We both agreed that she is no longer welcome to intrude in our life. We will get some sort of ball rolling to claim for full custody now that she's proven herself to be an utterly incompetent human being.

So here I am, resting with my Peanut and surrounded by my parents, sister, full of positive vibes. My husband and I are in marriage counselling, and Ava is in therapy. We plan to take some parenting courses at the local community centre, and we will be bringing Ava with us - maybe being around other little girls and boys expecting siblings will be there and maybe some of their enthusiasm and attitudes will rub off on her, we'll be encouraging her to make some friends. Perhaps some playdates are in order?

EDIT I've read all the PMs and the responses and I'll do my best to read and respond to every one of them. A few things seem to be popping up over and over again, so I'm going to do my best to unify my stance:

I originally came on this board (see OP) to seek help and how I should deal with the Ava situation. Many commenters suggested therapy and that I should work together with my husband. It gave me a chance to reflect on how I was thinking and I was able to process my state and emotions. This update is for those who asked for an update, and for all those who wanted to see how our family dealt with it in conclusion. I got the help and advice I needed, and chose to take the one that most resonated with me.

I'm moving out until the end of my pregnancy, WITH my husband's support and blessing. Make me feel bad or selfish all you want, as I said in my last post, I'm not sorry for the decision I made. I don't care about whether I'm letting Ava "win," we've set ground rules and therapy for her and now it's time to take care of ME. You don't 'win' anything against a 7-year-old child. When you have a 7-year-old violently punching and kicking your pregnant belly, then come and talk to me. I don't care if women in some countries have to lower and squat in a minefield to give birth to premature triplets, that's not the hand I was dealt and I wish to have a stress-free pregnancy.

I know I've had feelings of "I want to slap the poo poo out of Ava" but I will not be putting my hands on her. Yes, I was beat as a child (punitively and only within reason) but I will never be beating or hitting her.

Rent-a-womb seems pretty apt for a woman who gave birth to, and then proceeded to drag said child on a wagon tour around to gently caress multiple men WHILE keeping her away from her biodad AND abandoning her once it got inconvenient. I've used 'rent-a-womb' since I've heard about and met this woman, she deserves no title of 'parent' or 'mother.' It's a nickname I call my husband's ex, why can we call uninvolved dads 'sperm donors' but not its female counterpart? Seems apt.

A lot of you have PMed me thanking me for my decision to move out. You also grew up in a blended family where you were abused by your step siblings, and your bio parent was too afraid to discipline you and overlooked the abuse in lieu of hopes that it was just a rivalry phase that would go away. I knew there were other people who have gone through similar situations, and thank you for coming out of the woodworks. I appreciated those encouragements. Remember that blended families have very different dynamics than traditional families and that there's no real set-in-stone guideline. Best of luck to everyone in similar shoes.

tl;dr: I've moved out to finish my pregnancy in peace with my husband's full blessing. Began setting up house rules together. Therapy and counselling have begun and my baby isn't the only one who's kicking, but we're going to take it one day at a time. Thanks, community.

I feel bad for the 7 yo kid. You got poo poo parents all around.

# ? May 29, 2018 04:48

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

therobit posted:

Just to be clear I think they are both giant retard babies for being scared of wasps. Wasps are not an emergency, and being afraid of them once you are no longer a child means you are a weakling and deserve your lovely life of fear. I weep for their children, who will have to be raised by these idiots, despite the fact that said children are clearly of defective genetic stock.

What if I am a grown adult that is afraid of wasps and spiders but rather than cower like a weakling I respond as any white man does to things I fear and don�t understand?

What I�m saying is that I�ve ordered drone strikes before and I�ll do it again.

# ? May 29, 2018 05:07

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm [26F] pregnant for the first time with husband's [36M] baby. His daughter [7F] from his first marriage is ruining my life.Personal issues

I feel bad for the 7 yo kid. You got poo poo parents all around.

I'm not sure what stepmom is doing wrong here. She's in kind of a lovely situation and the main problem is her doormat husband.

# ? May 29, 2018 05:26

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Hellblazer187 posted:

I'm not sure what stepmom is doing wrong here. She's in kind of a lovely situation and the main problem is her doormat husband.

Completely lacking sympathy for the 7 year old. From her post I'd say the things she's done are ok (no hitting, trying to set boundaries, moving out for her own mental health and for father and daughter to bond, going to therapy) but the post is dripping with an incredible amount of resentment and there's no way, no matter how well she thinks she's hiding it, that the daughter who already has lovely habits and was abandoned by her mother isn't sensing it and reacting to it.

# ? May 29, 2018 05:34

life is a joke: Mar 7, 2016

Straight White Shark posted:

I know that we both are at fault for last night... I'm not sure who shares most of the blame for last night

lol glad he independently decided *actually it was BOTH sides*, and is probably hoping that all the r/r replies will be supporting him and the sanctity of video game turn-taking protocol.

# ? May 29, 2018 05:39

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

Hellblazer187 posted:

I'm not sure what stepmom is doing wrong here. She's in kind of a lovely situation and the main problem is her doormat husband.

�Rent a womb� and �Peanut� mostly

Also hating a seven year old from a bad home for being a seven year old from a bad home. But mostly peanut. I do agree that there�s nothing she can do while pregnant, and getting out is the best option, but she�s going to have to work with her husband on parenting the little girl and not just foist it off on him like she�s been doing. And it�s going to be hard work. I don�t see her putting up with that level of effort for a kid she already admits she hates.

# ? May 29, 2018 05:48

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

It's just fun to read a story from the evil stepmother's point of view.

This child is UNRULY, she needs to GO (to the woods, with my trusted huntsman).

# ? May 29, 2018 06:19

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

On the one hand the stepmom is totally disrespectful of the 7 year old daughter as a human person. On the other hand saying "I hope your baby dies" and trying to kick a pregnant woman in the stomach is absolute poo poo tier behavior. On top of all that the husband just keeps going "yeah I know she keeps saying she wants my next kid to die but do I reeeeaaaally have to ground her?

"

They're all lovely hooray

# ? May 29, 2018 06:24

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Completely lacking sympathy for the 7 year old. From her post I'd say the things she's done are ok (no hitting, trying to set boundaries, moving out for her own mental health and for father and daughter to bond, going to therapy) but the post is dripping with an incredible amount of resentment and there's no way, no matter how well she thinks she's hiding it, that the daughter who already has lovely habits and was abandoned by her mother isn't sensing it and reacting to it.

Mother's clearly got some unresolved issues getting into a relationship with a divorced 30M at 20F. With that said, having a Developmentally Delayed/Emotional Behavioral Disorder kid dropped on your home life with little or no advanced notice would strain even the strongest of well-functioning relationships.

I've done individual sessions and facilitated group with DD/EBD kids before. Even with formal training and guidance, its a helluva challenge.

pidan posted:

It's just fun to read a story from the evil stepmother's point of view.

This child is UNRULY, she needs to GO (to the woods, with my trusted huntsman).

Sometimes, a child poses a safety threat to their caregivers. There is a line between unruly child because of potential unmedicated ADD/ADHD or behavioral issues resulting from developmental/neurological disability, and a child attempting to induce an abortion on their step-mother.

# ? May 29, 2018 06:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

dude even a kid can legit kill a baby by kicking mom. it's not unheard of, at all.

# ? May 29, 2018 06:38

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Pick posted:

dude even a kid can legit kill a baby by kicking mom. it's not unheard of, at all.

A lot of the likely future outcomes for the kid depend upon the state they live in. At 7, the kid's too young to qualify for SPED services under EBD, however if they are in a competent district are likely to have been referred for SPED services under Developmental Delay. DD is kinda a catch-all category for SPED qualification. Basically, it means 'we supect somethings here, and can't give a formal eval/assessment to qualify for SPED until you turn 8.'

Qualifying for SPED as DD, the kid may qualify for colocated mental health services depending upon their level of functioning in the school environment, district priorities, and persistence of the parents or guardians in advocating for services. For a kid like that 7 year old, I'm gonna guess they'd need at least 6 - 12 months of day or residential treatment, depending upon a whole lot of variables such as how they respond to treatment, the role of the birth-mom in their life, and the full extent of abuse and trauma suffered.

If you're in a red state, for the most part its sorry kid, gotta pay your own way for treatment. If you're in a blue state, its possible that funding may be found to provide the kid with an opportunity to access adequate treatment for the trauma they've suffered.

# ? May 29, 2018 06:52

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

I don't want to go all :biotruths:

but I think there might be some sort of maternal instinct involved and I think a pregnant woman has a right to begrudge anyone who attempts to repeatedly and violently abort their unborn child regardless of their age or mental capacity.

I mean it's a lovely, lovely situation for everyone but she comes across as at least trying to make things work.

# ? May 29, 2018 07:11

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

Pick posted:

dude even a kid can legit kill a baby by kicking mom. it's not unheard of, at all.

The woman was right to leave and protect her new baby under the circumstances. But given how she talks about the 7yo, I think their animosity developed on both sides, and this baby-hating situation could probably have been prevented if she had been more accepting to start with. And the father could have been more strict tbh.

This is just based on her writing though. It's also possible the child was already aggressive and dangerous when they got her.

# ? May 29, 2018 07:16

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

pidan posted:

The woman was right to leave and protect her new baby under the circumstances. But given how she talks about the 7yo, I think their animosity developed on both sides, and this baby-hating situation could probably have been prevented if she had been more accepting to start with. And the father could have been more strict tbh.

This is just based on her writing though. It's also possible the child was already aggressive and dangerous when they got her.

For parents and other primary caregivers of children with EBD, you're gonna be seeing elevated rates of objective caregiver strain, internalized subjective caregiver strain, externalized subjective strain, and financial strain.

To talk about animosity of the caregiver is not only unproductive, its actively harmful towards the ultimate goal of having the child attain a successful transition from SPED services to adulthood.

Nothing the pregnant poster has done could have prevented the behavior of the child. What would have prevented the behavior is if the child had not experienced trauma during their time with their legal caregiver.

Reading the OP and updates again, my hunch is that the mother was neglectful while also exposing the child to sexual trauma. Potentially insecure housing, insecure food, social transitions inhibiting the formation of secure attachments. From what the pregnant lady mentions of the legal caregiver sleeping around while in custody of the child, I highly suspect the kid had to witness their biological mother hooking, experiencing sexual trauma such as rape, or both.

A kid that witnesses their mom being raped for half their life is going to have animosity and behavioral issues towards everyone and everything they come in contact with.

# ? May 29, 2018 07:33

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

LadyPictureShow posted:

A friend and I once accidentally disturbed a wasp or hornet nest.

We ran screaming in terror but I made it to the sliding door first, shut it and locked it. I am a complete coward just like the husband.

Counterpoint, my friend and I were both seven years old.

It sounds like he learned his lesson.

# ? May 29, 2018 07:39

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

Milotic posted:

My(32F) husband (35M) , married 2 years together for 7, saved the dog and ran when me and our twins (1F) were in danger.

Reading this story I don't understand how she knows he has locked the door from across the yard, do they have a panic button that causes blast doors to slam shut over the main door? Even if she somehow knew he had locked the door, why does she assume he wouldn't open it for them if they went over?

# ? May 29, 2018 12:40

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Pick posted:

Are you saying Catholics can't be supervillains? whew, francis' PR team is really cleaning up

Hey now, I specifically left an exception for the Catholic clergy, they already have the costumes and all.

# ? May 29, 2018 12:59

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

And jesus christ, that 7 year old's almost certainly been abused to all hell.

# ? May 29, 2018 13:09

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

(Update) My(22M) family doesn't believe I'm gay

quote:

OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8meetr/my22m_family_doesnt_believe_im_gay/?st=JHPE8ZM7&sh=2f39ed0b

A lot of people asked for an update so I figured I'd give one. I'll try to write as little as possible but there's a lot.

I talked to my cousin yesterday and straight out asked wth was going on. Long story short, apparently my brother(the gay one) has been saying I'm straight since I came out(my parents didn't believe me at first, thinking I was too relaxed, calm and didn't look "gay").

Some background, obly to make sense. I had a very diverse and chill group of friends, we experimented a lot and the majority was pretty alternative. That being said, some of my best friends are the "white male cis straight" kinda guy, my best friend from childhood was pretty much the golden boy of sports and whatnot so our group was kinda protected too.

Besides this, the area I intend to work is much more liberal and chill.

My brother wasn't so lucky. His friends were pretty homophobic and had a hard time supporting him. He's working in a pretty hostile area. Our experiences are very different.

Apparently, after the lack of homophobic reaction on my friends part(they knew long before my family), and the rest of the school my brother convinced himself I was lying. That it was impossible for me to not suffer any kind of retaliation(which I did but I handled with my friends alone).

He became very bitter and started telliing to the rest of the family, as if I was using my family liberal views to gather pity and help. The family didn't believe right away but since I didn't became more "feminine", didn't bring any boy home and conveniently got a internet bf they started believing.

He has also said some pretty hurtful things like

1-when he saw my bf facebook he apparently laughed and said something like "see, he's copying me, this guy is super my type. And even if (my name) was gay, there's no way a guy like this would date him"

2-that there's no way my bf would waste years in a LDR with me

3-when I told them my bf was coming he laughed off and told everyone I guy like me, even if I wzs gay, could never have a guy like my bf

Now I apparently arranged, lied or paid my bf to come here and create this little show. My cousin, realizing this was way too crazy started questioning this and came to the conclusion I'm probably telling the truth, as are the rest of my cousins.

My mom, on the other hand, just got more convinced of my lie and is even angrier I'm creating the huge lie. She also said it wasn't fair a guy like my bf date a liar like me when my brother was single and truly struggling in such homophobic world.

There were some other things I won't post because they're too personal.

After this I basically told my cousinto gently caress off and that I needed to be alone. So far he has posted a picture of me, him and a couple of other cousins on fb saying "the best time of my life, thanks guys", a couple of family members messaged me saying like "what's up" or things like that

I'm sure my immediate family will ignore this and keep laughing behind my back so I'm unsure if I should send a message telling them to gently caress off and only talk to me when they apologize or if I should discuss what I just found out

TL;DR: my brother was jealous and said I was pretending I'm gay to get the benefits(what benefits? More chance to be attacked on the streets??). My family believed him.

Becoming gay to get that sweet sweet.....discrimination??

# ? May 29, 2018 13:23

FAGGY CLAUSE: Apr 9, 2011; by FactsAreUseless

Lol that stepmom is a saint compared to how most people would react. That 7 year old would be swallowing my fist.

# ? May 29, 2018 13:25

LSD CURES JUNKIES: Sep 12, 2013

FAGGY CLAUSE posted:

Lol that stepmom is a saint compared to how most people would react. That 7 year old would be swallowing my fist.

But would you also punch a dog?

# ? May 29, 2018 13:32

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Bro... hardcore

# ? May 29, 2018 13:34

Eezee: Apr 3, 2011; My double chin turned out to be a huge cyst

I took another look at that Indiad Dad post and despite everyone telling him he's a shithead, he is still just repeating that 'she made her choice'.

As long as he can live with completely alienating her, that's his choice too, I guess. Not sure what he expected from that post.

# ? May 29, 2018 13:38

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Me (29M) with my girlfriend (24F) dating for 11 months thinks its ok to make-out with other guys while drunk

quote:

Hello everyone, I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months now and our relationship is great. Something she recently said totally caught me off guard. She told me about her male friend was asking for nude pics but she refused to send him any because we're in a relationship. She tells me that nothing has ever happened between them, just phone sex through video chat before she met me.

She later tells me that I'm too uptight about her talking with exfriends with benefits. She tells me that she hooked-up with this guy while drunk at a party and her exfiance was totally cool with it. Begins telling me that making out with each other while drunk is a common thing for them but she doesn't know if she can act the way she normally would around these people because I have a strict sense of cheating.

I told her that I most likely would be mad if she started kissing on some other dude while we were partying. She reacted by saying "well I guess I can't bring you around some of my friends." She explains that most of her friends will fondle each other's wifes and fiances while they're partying, but she never said anything about them hooking-up with each other.

I'm confused what this means for our relationship. Many of her male friends have had sex with her and she says it's just sex nothing else...no I don't like that she is friends with so many guys who have had sex with her, but I never thought that she would do anything physical with them while in a relationship.

TD;LR: Girlfriend thinks it's ok to make-out with male friends if everyone is drunk at a party. Do I stay in a relationship like this?

eleven months? really?

# ? May 29, 2018 14:07

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# ? May 14, 2024 23:54

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

One of our managers ruined a job interview for a candidate we really liked. How/should I try to rectify this situation?

quote:

Backstory: I [25F] was recently promoted and started interviewing candidates last week to fill my position. We need to get this new hire working by the third week of June, so I am feeling a little stressed. Out of 100+ applicants, we interviewed eight. Out of those eight there were three people we really really liked: Sarah, Emily, and Jackie. Sarah [late 20s F] is our unanimous favorite out of the three, and has the most work experience. She is the perfect fit for our office and I really enjoyed speaking with her.

I conducted these interviews with my manager, John. Our office has four managers total: John, Rick, Bob, and Kevin. We are having the three candidates move forward for secondary interviews with Rick, Bob, and Kevin since they have not met them yet. I hope this isn�t too confusing.

The issue: One of the other managers, Bob, scheduled his secondary interview with Sarah today at a brewery. I have no idea why he chose to hold it at a brewery or on Memorial Day. Sarah confirmed that this was what he wanted to do, and he said yes. I find this a little inappropriate but that�s another story. So today, Sarah shows up for the interview and waited for an hour but Bob never showed up. She called and emailed him but no answer.

Sarah just emailed John and I letting us know that she had cancelled her plans with her retired military husband for this weekend in order to attend this interview today. She was rightfully upset and decided she no longer wants to apply to work for our company.

John and I are completely mortified that this happened. I am so embarrassed that Bob would do this and make us look incompetent. We are also really upset because Sarah was our favorite candidate. John reached out to Sarah to send an apology email, and her let her know that he would find out what happened with Bob. The email was very professional and sympathetic.

At 8 PM Bob sends an email to Sarah, CCing John and I, and is basically rambling an apology and saying that he left his phone in his car the night before (?) and completely forgot. I can�t tell if Bob is frantic or drunk, but the email contains many typos and is missing capitalizations, punctuation, etc. I think this made the situation even more embarrassing.

Is there an appropriate way to reach out to Sarah and make the situation any better? I feel like an email from me might be more relatable, since we are both females around the same age and view each other as peers as opposed to someone in a position of power. On the other hand I really don�t want to bombard her and make us think we are all insane. I really wanted her for this job and I feel horrible that this has happened.

Edit: I just wanted to add this because it keeps getting brought up and is easier to add here: Bob will be meeting with John (our office HR) and our corporate HR to be reprimanded. No, he�s not going to be fired. He hosed up but he has always been a great manager� I truly have no idea what was going on with him to A) schedule an interview at a brewery with a female he�s never met B) completely forget it and C) send that rambly email. Obviously something is going on with him and HR is here for that. That being said, I am loving pissed at Bob because I have spent so much time dedicated to this hiring process and then he goes and does this. But it doesn�t change that it already happened and now we have to move forward.

I just want to figure out if anything I can say to Sarah would be helpful. If this happened to you: what would make you reconsider this company/make the situation better? If anything. I just want some insight.

TLDR; Manager no-showed to an interview today with our favorite job candidate. Candidate is a retired military wife and cancelled plans this weekend for the interview. Candidate withdrew application. Is there any way to fix this?

# ? May 29, 2018 14:08

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