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I know someone who, due to a religious requirement, had to track down her absent drunk of a father whom she had not seen in over a decade and request his permission to marry. If she had made a good faith effort to find him and been unable to, that would have been OK, but it was not enough just not to have seen him in 15 years. Luckily she still knew some of his relatives who could locate him, and he knew he had no business stopping her from marrying and gave his consent. Tradition can really complicate things.
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May 29, 2018 20:18
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Is the asking the father for blessing still a common thing btw? My girlfriend wants me to do it, and it's fine because her dad is a nice, normal guy (he owns a phone and everything) who likes me and will say yes, but I'm a little surprised she asked.
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May 29, 2018 20:19
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Doggles posted:I'm [26M] proposing to her [27F] and I need to ask her father for blessing Her dad is in prison right
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May 29, 2018 20:20
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For whatever stupid reason she did ask him to do it. Huge problem as if he doesn’t, she might hold it against him but if he does it’s a lever for shithead dad to work him for money or something. His best option is probably just tell the gf no and explain why, but he won’t. Lying and saying he asked but the dad was high/drunk/lost in whatever his vice of choice is might work too.
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May 29, 2018 20:20
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If you track him down, make sure you finish the job.
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May 29, 2018 20:20
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Doggles posted:I'm [26M] proposing to her [27F] and I need to ask her father for blessing If she's too stupid to discount her piece of poo poo father's demands she's too stupid to propose to. Find someone less stupid.
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May 29, 2018 20:21
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girl pants posted:Her dad is in prison right Oh poo poo yeah it's gotta be this
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May 29, 2018 20:23
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Baronjutter posted:If she's too stupid to discount her piece of poo poo father's demands she's too stupid to propose to. Find someone less stupid. What does it hurt to go through the motions, though?
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May 29, 2018 20:23
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girl pants posted:Her dad is in prison right I assume every crappy dad story is about frank gallagher from shameless if the story doesn’t include details. Makes it more fun
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May 29, 2018 20:25
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Scathach posted:Honestly if grade school on up had a portion of class each day on social poo poo-- like how to date and not rape/stalk partners, recognizing abuse and lovely partners, actual legitimate sex ed, raising kids without beating them, etc.-- that would be great. I was watching TCM and they were running a lot of old b&w etiquette videos from like, the 40s or 50s. If you went on a first date with a girl, no matter how well it went, if you go in for anything more than a respectful handshake at the end of the night you were a goddamn monster. They should definitely have ed about abuse or being controlling, though that could be a slippery slope between a child realizing a family member is abusive for screaming at them for an hour and refusing to feed them dinner because they spilled a glass of juice vs ‘my parents won’t let me use my phone at the table. That’s abuse!’
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May 29, 2018 20:26
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tactlessbastard posted:What does it hurt to go through the motions, though? Because the request is laughably stupid on its face and paints a bad picture of the road to come.
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May 29, 2018 20:26
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value-brand cereal posted:I'm [26F] pregnant for the first time with husband's [36M] baby. His daughter [7F] from his first marriage is ruining my life.Personal issues There's not nearly enough focus on her husband being a terrible parent in this. Like no matter the shittiness of the kid, it could be dealt with if not overcome by a united front of strong parenting. Add in the wet noodle permissive bullshit on dad's part and FLUSH, nothing is gonna ever happened. He's the big huge problem in all this in terms of progress.
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May 29, 2018 20:32
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Barudak posted:Because the request is laughably stupid on its face and paints a bad picture of the road to come. We're already talking about marriage tho
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May 29, 2018 20:32
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I told my fiancee's father I was going to propose to her without framing it as a question for plausible deniability. If he wanted to, he could feel like I asked for her hand, but I just wanted to give him a heads up beforehand. It also resulted in him sending me a video of him calling me his son, pausing a moment to play Celine Dion's "Power of Love" in the background and telling me to go for it, so I feel like it was the right call.
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May 29, 2018 20:35
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Barudak posted:Because the request is laughably stupid on its face and paints a bad picture of the road to come. Yeah, to me it would be close to a deal breaker because it would indicate to me this person has really lovely boundaries, has self-worth issues/lack of a backbone, values her deadbeat dad's wishes over her future husband's and so on.
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May 29, 2018 20:38
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I gave my in-laws a heads up, too, but mostly because I was excited to show off the ring I designed.
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May 29, 2018 20:39
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Doggles posted:I'm [26M] proposing to her [27F] and I need to ask her father for blessing My father-in-law thought I would ask for his blessing despite him being a deadbeat piece of poo poo. At my wedding, he shook my hand and said something to the effect of "She's my baby, so you take care of her or-" but I was both irritated and amused so I just interrupted him by talking to someone else and he looked down and walked off.
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May 29, 2018 20:39
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He should just lie and say the dad told him no in order to wipe his hands of this idiotic mess as quickly as possible.
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May 29, 2018 20:40
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LadyPictureShow posted:I was watching TCM and they were running a lot of old b&w etiquette videos from like, the 40s or 50s. The bigger issue is upsetting actually abusive parents.
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May 29, 2018 20:40
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Baronjutter posted:Yeah, to me it would be close to a deal breaker because it would indicate to me this person has really lovely boundaries, has self-worth issues/lack of a backbone, values her deadbeat dad's wishes over her future husband's and so on. At the very least he needs to have a serious conversation with her about her dad and his role in their lives. She's seen him 4 times in 13 years and she wants this guy to act like she's daddy's little girl and get permission? Why? The whole no phone, only letters thing is bizarre as gently caress too, who the gently caress doesn't at least have a land line?
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May 29, 2018 20:42
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Cat Army
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In the six months or so before my wife and I got engaged all four of our parents, independently of each other, asked us when we were just gonna get around to it, which is implicit consent, so this didn't come up buuuut yeah I def wouldn't have asked her dad's permission if left to my own devices lol
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May 29, 2018 20:42
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Ouhei posted:
People in prison do this.
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May 29, 2018 20:43
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If you want to marry a girl you just defeat her father in combat first This is simply the way of Cimmeria Before you ask, you need to defeat the girl in combat to even start dating her
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May 29, 2018 20:44
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She's afraid that if her dad isn't okay with it, he'll kill her husband when he gets out of prison.
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May 29, 2018 20:45
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:She's afraid that if her dad isn't okay with it, he'll kill her husband when he gets out of prison. See above post
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May 29, 2018 20:46
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Pretend you misunderstood and marry her dad
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May 29, 2018 20:47
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andrew smash posted:I assume every crappy dad story is about frank gallagher from shameless if the story doesn’t include details. Makes it more fun Welp, definitely doing this. Thanks in advance for the lols.
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May 29, 2018 20:47
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hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:Is the asking the father for blessing still a common thing btw? My girlfriend wants me to do it, and it's fine because her dad is a nice, normal guy (he owns a phone and everything) who likes me and will say yes, but I'm a little surprised she asked. Yeah, but I think how big of a deal it is varies from person to person. Obviously it has its roots in a patriarchal notion of a father transferring ownership of his daughter to the husband-to-be, but I think it persists because as wrapped up as it is in all of that baggage, there is still something to the idea that you are going to be asking to join this family, and presumably will continue to see them that you want them to be at least at peace with that if not necessarily enthusiastic. Locked myself in the restroom after having sex with my boyfriend quote:I (22F) been dating this guy (25M) for about 9 months. We’ve been long distance for more than half our relationship. He finally got the chance to visit me this month. Before he arrived he had been pushing for marriage. His plan was to marry me as soon as he got here. I called it off because it felt so rushed and I honestly did not see myself married. However, I did look forward to seeing him and getting to spend time with him.
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May 29, 2018 20:49
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fruit on the bottom posted:Locked myself in the restroom after having sex with my boyfriend Did you know that we put a human on the moon doing massive swathes of the math by hand and using computers no more powerful than a cheap calculator? Now ponder, is your question truly harder than putting a human on the moon?
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May 29, 2018 20:57
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Theophany posted:Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity etc. To be fair, he was infuriatingly ignorant and stupid and life is too short to date an idiot. Doggles posted:I'm [26M] proposing to her [27F] and I need to ask her father for blessing This is the spineless woman's way of saying no to a proposal.
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May 29, 2018 20:57
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fruit on the bottom posted:Yeah, but I think how big of a deal it is varies from person to person. Obviously it has its roots in a patriarchal notion of a father transferring ownership of his daughter to the husband-to-be, but I think it persists because as wrapped up as it is in all of that baggage, there is still something to the idea that you are going to be asking to join this family, and presumably will continue to see them that you want them to be at least at peace with that if not necessarily enthusiastic. It would be unfair to break up with someone over a total lack of sexual chemistry, she legally needs to stick with this guy and get couples counselling for at least a year before she can break up.
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May 29, 2018 20:59
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You need to give at least 30 days notice before you can legally evict someone from your vagina.
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May 29, 2018 21:02
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fruit on the bottom posted:Locked myself in the restroom after having sex with my boyfriend My guess is his attempts at affection feel forced and overbearing since he was also pushing for marriage. He's probably the type that just stares at her blankly during sex trying for romantic eye contact.
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May 29, 2018 21:02
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You know if I argue with someone the first time I meet them I'm kicking them out of my house.
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May 29, 2018 21:02
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fruit on the bottom posted:Yeah, but I think how big of a deal it is varies from person to person. Obviously it has its roots in a patriarchal notion of a father transferring ownership of his daughter to the husband-to-be, but I think it persists because as wrapped up as it is in all of that baggage, there is still something to the idea that you are going to be asking to join this family, and presumably will continue to see them that you want them to be at least at peace with that if not necessarily enthusiastic. This is why long-term long-distance relationships between couples that have literally never met each other are a really bad idea. Seeing each other at all is a huge investment which makes everything feel super forced, and they're already invested in the relationship by the time she has an opportunity to find out she is repulsed by his attempts to even hold her hand Gotta wonder how much money this guy spent to find out the girl he calls his girlfriend actually can't stand touching him; unfortunately the amount of traumatically bad sex she felt obligated to have with him because they'd already been cybering for nine months is a very known quantity
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May 29, 2018 21:06
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fruit on the bottom posted:You need to give at least 30 days notice before you can legally evict someone from your vagina. I'm not sure he has established residency. He sounds like a guest in the vagina, not a tenant. Edit: If she waits 30 days to kick him out it will be a lot harder to remove him. The last thing she needs is a recalcitrant pussy squatter. therobit fucked around with this message at 21:23 on May 29, 2018 |
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May 29, 2018 21:09
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India dad actually posted an update.quote:I had a talk with her. She felt that she was not valued enough in the family. I reminded her that we love her as much as the other two. And the money division was something which was agreed on. She said she felt it was unfair now as her sister. She said she was okey with it last year but she is not okey about it now. I hugged her for a moment and she started crying again. It got me emotional as well. It's real weird about this legally binding poo poo and a lot of math, but at least he worked it out.
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May 29, 2018 21:09
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Dienes posted:To be fair, he was infuriatingly ignorant and stupid and life is too short to date an idiot. I agree, but she did the dipshit move of giving him a timeline to rectify the fact that he is a useless moron and, as we are all in agreement, is never going to happen when you're 29 years old so I guess the next trope is 'sow the wind and you shall reap the whirlwind.' So I feel like my original assessment is still accurate and she is as much, if not more, of a moron. 
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May 29, 2018 21:11
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“Pussy squatter” good phrase
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May 29, 2018 21:21
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value-brand cereal posted:I'm [26F] pregnant for the first time with husband's [36M] baby. His daughter [7F] from his first marriage is ruining my life.Personal issues Imagine getting run out of your house by a 7 year old because you and your husband are doormats who refuse to discipline your child.
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May 29, 2018 21:51
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