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Throwaway because my friends follow my real reddit account. Please help me guys I feel hosed. I am 16, my distant cousin Rosy is also 16. She has always been super affectionate to me (not in a way that family should she was very touchy where she shouldn’t have been touchy). It had been like this for 2 years already and she had been trying to seduce me for that long. She’s a nice girl and acts inoccent but when everyone’s gone she’s a freak.

So, we went to visit some family together and another cousin was with us (she’s 19 she’s older). We ended up having sex. Now she is even a lot more attached. She talks about marriage, being a couple, and having babies. I was talkig with another girl at school and my cousin Rosy told the girl to gently caress off because I was only hers?!!!!!!! She also threatened to hurt the girl if she ever messed with my feelings or anything. What can I do?

TL:DR it’s urgent guys I’m kind of freaking out olease give advice

Edit:forgot to add, she said she hates when girls hurt my feelings or play with my feeings

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We have been married for 8 years, have two small children. We both have great jobs that we enjoy, we each earn a really good living, and we both are each other's best friend! We are also great parents and love our kids. We almost never fight, as we share, more or less the same values. In fact, I would say our lives are near perfect...except...

I lead an extremely disciplined life. My wife is less so. I've been working out for 15 years and is in really good shape. My wife is less so, but not overweight by any means...in fact she's in decently healthy shape, but I really just want her to lose more around her thighs and tummy...basically get thinner. Yes, it's an image thing.

Touching on this subject leads to a huge fight that would put us both out for days. She feels this is none of my business and she feels she looks great! I told her I don't ask for anything (in fact I despise gifts) except this. We would make up and she would vow to start working out more than she does and eat less fatty foods. She would start losing pounds and be really proud...but inevitably after 4-6 months she stop counting her calories and she gains all that weight back. It's really less the working out because she works out consistently, but the issue is she loves to cook and loves to eat, so working out really does not work that well in terms of trimming down if she does not watch what she eats.

Throughout the years, this 6-8 month cycle would keep happening...I mention it, we get into this huge fight, she decides to start keeping track of her calories really to make me happy, and in turn she would lose some pounds gushes about how she can fit into her old skinny jeans. She would feel awesome. But she can't keep this up after a few months at which point I mention something and the cycle repeats.

I know this hurts her a lot so after years of this, one of these days I decided to keep my mouth shut. But at the end of the cycle instead of me mentioning it, SHE mention it to me how she doesn't like how she looks and needs to get back on it! I now get super frustrated because that's what I've been telling her!!! She tries again and fails again.

The worst thing is that I can't mention calories or how she looks or how to help her improve. She is already so super sensitive to this subject that if I mention it, automatically she thinks I'm criticizing her. She doesn't talk to me about it or listen to me...so therefore I can't help her when she slips off the wagon. And if I do mention it, it would be viewed as me criticizing how she looks, and it would start the ugly cycle again.

She would accuse me of wanting a pornstar or stripper or whatever. Of course not! But yes in truth, I would like her to be skinny. I know she can do it if she keeps it up for more than a few months...but I can't discuss it with her. And honestly, being somebody who is super disciplined, it's torture to see her try and fail by giving into her temptations. In the past I would be straight up and tell her I want her to look a certain way. Now, all I want is for her to stick to counting her calories.

Our latest fight is lasting longer than in the past. She now is refusing to do anything and cries and think we should go to a marriage counselor. She feels this is jeopardizing our whole relationship. I don't see it that way. I love our life and I love her. I wouldn't want to be with anybody else, and to me, this is just an area of improvement. She thinks I should let it go...but I can't! I just can't...it's how I am. I am like that towards myself...always pushing myself to be the best that I can be not just with my body, but with my career, being a father...anything! I want her to be the same as well!

Yea, I'm very aware of how much this makes me look like an rear end in a top hat, but I'm not. One of the reasons why our lives is so great is because I dedicate myself to her happiness. I have very few friends and fewer hobbies. My life consists of my career and making my family happy. And that's enough for me outside of this one thing. I take her on trips to where she wants to go, I support her in her career, I do more than my fair share of chores and I'm open to compromise on most things. So does she...but the difference is I ask her what she wants and gives it to her, while she gives me gifts which I don't want. This is the thing I want. I do feel she kinda owe it to me to at least try. I mean I feel I give her everything she wants.

I don't know what to do! This is getting dangerously close to truly jeopardizing our relationship. I can't let it go because it's who I am...I can only force myself to be silent...but that makes me unhappy. I find myself at times being disgusted at how much she eats. What should I do?

TL;DR: I want my wife to be skinny. I believe she can do it if she would just listen to me. She refuses because it's "none of my loving business" and she "looks great". Happy otherwise, but this is a big issue now.

EDIT: I will start by changing my perspective and try to mend my ways.

LadyPictureShow posted:

That’s why you should never compliment anyone. The true answer is to belittle them and tear them down, like this guy does to his wife!

How do I [40M] tell my wife [37F] that I want her to be skinny without ruining our relationship?


I don’t have any friends, but I’m not an rear end in a top hat. I don’t have many hobbies aside from criticizing my wife to the point of tears constantly telling her I want her to be skinnier.

Pick posted:

I have never, in my entire life, ever, ever met a creative person who is actually good at taking criticism. Not once, not a single time.

Ziv Zulander posted:

From you, pick. You have never met a creative person who was good at taking criticism from you.

Pick posted:

If you want to know if someone can really take criticism, take a look at their output, and laugh at it. Don’t harsh on it, just laugh. Be like, are you loving serious? You thought this was good? Ha ha ha!

Of course, only do this if you need their tears for some sort of witches brew.

dudeness posted:

Lol if you don't just assume everyone is secretly lying when they compliment you on anything and everything.

e:

I slept with a distant cousin, now she is extremelly attached to me and I don’t know how to get this under control

LadyPictureShow posted:

That’s why you should never compliment anyone. The true answer is to belittle them and tear them down, like this guy does to his wife!

How do I [40M] tell my wife [37F] that I want her to be skinny without ruining our relationship?

Pick posted:

Wtf I never give crit to my art friends . I’m dale carnegie af. But obvs I saw this happen all fuckin over back in indie comic dayz

LadyPictureShow posted:

That’s why you should never compliment anyone. The true answer is to belittle them and tear them down, like this guy does to his wife!

How do I [40M] tell my wife [37F] that I want her to be skinny without ruining our relationship?


I don’t have any friends, but I’m not an rear end in a top hat. I don’t have many hobbies aside from criticizing my wife to the point of tears constantly telling her I want her to be skinnier.

Barudak posted:

Please dont date artists, it only encourages them.

dudeness posted:

Lol if you don't just assume everyone is secretly lying when they compliment you on anything and everything.

QuarkJets posted:

dudeness posted:

I've been saving up my Christmases and Birthdays for the past 5 years, I'm thinking of either asking for a Nintendo 64 or a lifelong commitment from my wife to maintaining a perfect 18.5 BMI and to never overeat.

My Imaginary GF posted:

"I had been asking her for a long time to provide me with honest critique to my music. I've approached her before about why her answers are so vague and placate-y when it comes to my music. I told her I can obviously see the contrast between that, and how she critiques all music, whether she likes it or not. She outright denied that she was just placating me, and that there's nothing to worry about, and all my music is great, and that I'm being crazy about it."

Ex-gf gave the dude criticism. It wasn't the criticism he wanted, so he pestered her for months about it.

Barudak posted:

Please dont date artists, it only encourages them.

Pick posted:

and have you seen this face tat? it's an infinity symbol, made of birds!

Pick posted:

do you have any idea how rare it is to be reading about famous figures in art history and have them not turn out to have had crippling personality disorders? it's like n c wyeth, and everyone gives him poo poo for making paintings that sold for money

fruit on the bottom posted:

It wouldn’t surprise me if Kinkaide was the most mentally stable artist of all time.

Salty Josh posted:

I like that dude that cut off his ear and mailed it to his chick.

gently caress yeh.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

rockefeller