[The Succ Zone] I unblocked you, again, to say this: You don't fucking know me.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [The Succ Zone] I unblocked you, again, to say this: You don't fucking know me.

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Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

Rand alPaul posted:

at all the Clinton 90's ghouls killing the party again in 2020.

oh no who could have seen this coming :geno:

wait no don't stop :geno:

dissolve the democratic party*

*while the above post was meant for humorous purposes, please understand that i want the entire trump administration, most republicans and democrats tried for war crimes and genocide. thank you for your patience

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:22

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# ? May 27, 2024 19:54

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

Rand alPaul posted:

at all the Clinton 90's ghouls killing the party again in 2020.

grift... grift never changes

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:22

Percelus: Sep 9, 2012; My command, your wish is

seriously though if you don't think the idea of the most corrupt potus in modern history giving the most corrupt presidential nominee a pardon is hilarious idk what's wrong with you

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:24

Gene Hackman Fan: Dec 27, 2002; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://twitter.com/MissJules5x/status/1006215888381542400?s=19

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:27

WhiskeyJuvenile: Feb 15, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

Condiv posted:

uhhh

didn't the obama admin do this with DOMA? and wasn't that applauded?

Yes almost like doing bad things is bad while doing good things is good

I mean, you do realize you're making a :decorum:

argument, right?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:31

Raskolnikov38: Mar 3, 2007; We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold

maybe obama could have repealed DOMA instead

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:31

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

i really dont think cynthia nixon will win but i would absolutely love for her to because it would completely undermine the fabric of the existing democratic structure

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:32

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

'Joe Biden endorses Andrew Cuomo' is both one of the most predictable and simultaneously most frustrating headlines you could write. Pure succ

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:35

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment that I'm alive, I pray for death!

anime was right posted:

i really dont think cynthia nixon will win but i would absolutely love for her to because it would completely undermine the fabric of the existing democratic structure

It'd be nice in both the larger sense of kicking centrist lanyards further into tailspin and in the immediate because gently caress Cuomo.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:40

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

I guess Obama didn't realize that no elections wins means no real political legacy for anything he did lol.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 21:45

Rastor: Jun 2, 2001

anime was right posted:

i really dont think cynthia nixon will win but i would absolutely love for her to because it would completely undermine the fabric of the existing democratic structure

I would absolutely love for Cynthia to be locked out of the primary by the ny bad dems and then run as an independent and win

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:04

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

bad dems applauded N0Bama for that DOMA poo poo when he could have pushed for it to be repealed and coupled that with a strong public, early stance supporting gay marriage. then ZERObama got Bidened about supporting gay marriage in private so he was forced into supporting gay marriage and that also made him look like a whipped rear end pansy, especially considering the trajectory of public opinion at the time. poo poo was obviously getting popular, it's like "look fucker, just be a hero-hearted champion"

also, the bourgeois liberals loving LOVED obama handling it this way. they loved it because he was utilizing the law like a cudgel in a way that they perceived as righteous and these nerd asses love nothing more than utilizing law and finance to score political points. just an aside to point out once again that we are all hosed in this poo poo rear end iron prison of an economy at least in part because 0bamghazi data doofuses and high achievers were so busy scoring meaningless procedural political points that the nation had to elect a lovely sign that reads "gently caress you I have no respect for the game you are playing" as president

anyway, it is funny that Bad dems who loved that Obama let DOMA languish defenselessly and pundits hacks and media jerks think it's 4D chess and that Trump can do it for the mandate and it is a constitutional crisis.

gently caress the individual mandate, gently caress obamacare, don't (at) me libs

Egg Moron has issued a correction as of 22:07 on Jun 11, 2018

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:05

Matt Zerella: Oct 7, 2002; Norris'es are back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (fox Howl)

Rastor posted:

I would absolutely love for Cynthia to be locked out of the primary by the ny bad dems and then run as an independent and win

Can't wait to get purged from the rolls when I vote for Ocasio Cortez and Nixon in 2 weeks.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:05

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

Matt Zerella posted:

Can't wait to get purged from the rolls when I vote for Ocasio Cortez and Nixon in 2 weeks.

Just to be clear ---

Ocasio Cortez vs Crowley -----> June 26th

Nixon vs. Cuomo -----> September 13th

Federal & statewide offices have different primary dates

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:10

Rastor: Jun 2, 2001

Matt Zerella posted:

Can't wait to get purged from the rolls when I vote for Ocasio Cortez and Nixon in 2 weeks.

By 5-4 Supreme Court decision purging the rolls is 100% legal and all democrats know if it's legal there's nothing wrong with it

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:10

B B: Dec 1, 2005

has this thread talked about how hilarious bill clinton's new book is? because it sounds really loving funny

https://newrepublic.com/article/148835/bill-clintons-new-thriller-final-villain-feminism

quote:

�Do not ever test me again, Andrei,� the president of the United States says to the Russian premier, now that the crisis is over. �Oh, and stay out of our elections. After I speak tomorrow, you�ll have all you can handle to keep rigging your own. Now get the hell out of my country.�

So concludes The President Is Missing, a new thriller co-written by James Patterson and Bill Clinton. It is filled with �details only a President could know,� the dust jacket boasts. A fictional president named Jonathan Duncan narrates most of the book, apart from some interludes told from the perspective of assassins and cavorting cyberterrorists. Duncan, like Clinton, is from the South; he�s very concerned with election-rigging; he hates Russia; he thinks the media is too polarized; he�s a great friend to Israel. He�s a perfect hero, liberal in his sympathies but with the war-and-torture bona fides of five John McCains.

President Duncan is a fantasy fusion of Bill and Hillary, minus the scandals, shot full of popularity steroids, then mashed into an action movie complete with shootouts and helicopters and sexy Sarajevan villains. It�s impossible to know who wrote what, but the whole thing is Pattersonian in the extreme. This is not a subtle book. It clobbers the reader over the head with its prose and with its meaningful lines (�I know that most cops, most of the time, do the best they can�). The President Is Missing presents a benign fantasy of the presidency, an alternative universe where a Clintonian figure not only occupies the Oval Office but has also thwarted the Russkies�until a gendered twist torpedoes all the fun.

The basic plot is fine. President Duncan meets a mysterious couple�are they terrorists?�who somehow know a code word to which only his inner circle is privy. He realizes there is a traitor in his administration. Worse still, the couple alert him that Suliman Cindoruk, nastiest member of the nasty (but fictional) Sons of Jihad, is poised to destroy the American internet with a virus. Code-named �Dark Ages,� the plot aims at America�s Achilles� heel�its own greatness.

As a character explicates, �One of the great ironies of the modern age ... is that the advancements of mankind can make us more powerful and yet more vulnerable at the same time.� And why? �The reason is reliance. Our society has become completely reliant on technology. The Internet of Things�you are familiar with the concept?��

The president is familiar. An internetless America will be an America without banking, courts of law, medical care, or clean water. The water system in Los Angeles is in fact the first thing to go. �So, what�this will be Flint, Michigan, all over again?� the president asks. �It will be Flint, Michigan,� a flack replies, �multiplied by a factor of one hundred forty.�

The shoehorning of contemporary references into this novel makes for an atmosphere of corny wish fulfillment and implied Trump-bashing. When the inevitable happy ending ties The President Is Missing together in a bow, President Duncan makes a rousing speech to the American people. It�s the speech that Clinton might like to make, were he still leader of the free world. It is about election reform, lead-free drinking water, Dreamers, climate change, the opioid crisis. And when everything�s done and dusted, Duncan says, he�s even saved the newspaper business: �The mainstream media coverage, from right to left, has become more straightforward, not so much because of my speech but because, at least for now, Americans are moving away from extreme media towards outlets that offer more explanation and fewer personal attacks.� Happy day indeed.

This president is just a regular guy. In a long undercover scene, Duncan goes to a baseball game in disguise. �Ordinarily I�d be like a kid in a candy store here,� he narrates. �I�d grab a Budweiser and a hot dog.� He would do that because �there is no finer beverage than an ice-cold Bud.� Furthermore, �no food ever tasted so good as a dog with mustard at a ball game, not even my mama�s rib tips with vinegar sauce.�

This is a man of the people, a man who loves mustard, not a coddled aristocrat who owns hotels! Unlike Clinton, he also served in the armed forces. Walking through the streets of Washington, D.C., with fake eyebrows drawn on, Duncan takes pity upon a homeless Gulf War vet, purchasing him a turkey sandwich and bestowing a kind ear upon his troubles. �God bless you,� this military Tiny Tim says. Then he squeezes the president�s hand with �the still-firm grip of a warrior.� Good thing he got him that sandwich. �Even on the bad days,� Duncan muses, �there�s always something good you can do.�

The undercover president moralizes on all sorts of subjects as he walks through his nation. He sees two cops arresting a black man. �I know that there are bad cops, just as there are bad actors in every profession,� the president observes. �And I know that there are cops who think of themselves as good cops but, even if unconsciously, see a black man in a T-shirt and jeans as more threatening than a white man dressed the same way.� It�s extraordinary, the way that Duncan just happens upon such rich and potent symbols of the American experience, the kind of raw truth that he just can�t see while ensconced in the White House. He�s just a regular guy, after all, and that�s what makes him like ribs so much�I mean, that�s what makes him such a good commander in chief.

The President Is Missing is not a good book, but it is a fun one. There�s no reason for it to be 500 pages long. Finishing it, you have that feeling of opening a bag of potato chips that is only a quarter of the way full. Why put so little into something so big? The plot arc is simple, the details are fun, the solution to the mystery is really obvious, and it�s way too long. That doesn�t mean I don�t like potato chips.

But there�s an ickiness to this book, and it lies in gender politics. It�s just not possible to engage with Bill Clinton as a public figure without thinking about his relationship with the 22-year-old Monica Lewinsky. America is undergoing a revision of its original interpretation of that incident, one in which people newly recognize her youth and her vulnerability. Wrong was done by her, and that is more widely understood. Clinton can�t expect readers not to think about that. And yet during the publicity tour for the book, he has responded to questions about Lewinsky with great churlishness.

To boot, the book ends with the revelation that the villain all along was feminism. The following is a spoiler, so look away if you wish to read The President Is Missing with all bells and whistles intact. �How could you do this?� the president asks the traitor in his midst, once he�s figured it all out. The answer, when it comes, is a surprise to him. The traitor�s face is �twisted up in agony and bitterness,� full of resentment. �Says the man who gets to be president,� she replies. �Says the man who didn�t see his political career tanked� over one little mistake.

Having nurtured a grudge against the sexist media for years, one of Duncan�s closest advisers loses her entire moral compass. Alas, the things that women do to a president! It�s a weird old clang, and it�s even weirder that nobody in Clinton�s camp�for I can�t believe this book didn�t receive the eyeballs of many a sycophantic aide, prior to publication�thought it was weird. Women�s resentment does have an extraordinarily long shelf-life, as Clinton himself is finding out. But that doesn�t mean he should have written a novel about it.

https://newrepublic.com/article/148835/bill-clintons-new-thriller-final-villain-feminism

B B has issued a correction as of 22:13 on Jun 11, 2018

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:10

Shear Modulus: Jun 9, 2010

GalacticAcid posted:

Just to be clear ---

Ocasio Cortez vs Crowley -----> June 26th

Nixon vs. Cuomo -----> September 13th

Federal & statewide offices have different primary dates

thats dumb as balls

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:10

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

Shear Modulus posted:

thats dumb as balls

yes

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:11

Matt Zerella: Oct 7, 2002; Norris'es are back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (fox Howl)

GalacticAcid posted:

Just to be clear ---

Ocasio Cortez vs Crowley -----> June 26th

Nixon vs. Cuomo -----> September 13th

Federal & statewide offices have different primary dates

thanks fren

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:12

Gunshow Poophole: Sep 14, 2008; OMBUDSMAN
POSTERS LOCAL 42069; Clapping Larry

Shear Modulus posted:

thats dumb as balls

New Yawk baybeeeee

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:18

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

September 13th is a Thursday, another fun idiosyncrasy this year

(they didn't want to conflict with 9/11 and Rosh Hashanah)

if peralta is your state senator, he'll have a challenger this year as well (jessica ramos)

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:19

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

B B posted:

has this thread talked about how hilarious bill clinton's new book is? because it sounds really loving funny

https://newrepublic.com/article/148835/bill-clintons-new-thriller-final-villain-feminism

love when adults attempt to talk about adult things but use children's words instead

"But there�s an ickiness to this book, and it lies in gender politics."

Shear Modulus posted:

thats dumb as balls

not if you get two days off work because your place of employment is a polling place

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:19

Shear Modulus: Jun 9, 2010

Over Easy posted:

not if you get two days off work because your place of employment is a polling place

unfair, i never got off of school when my elementary school was a polling place

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:22

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

Shear Modulus posted:

unfair, i never got off of school when my elementary school was a polling place

you should have joined the union

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:23

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

my voting place is a school and it remains in session on election day

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:26

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

GalacticAcid posted:

my voting place is a school and it remains in session on election day

My school goes year round due to its special nature so we get some leeway in the calendar department

for example, we are in school for what is technically the 17-18 year until the 29th whereas most other schools get out on the 27th (some even on the 22nd)

Egg Moron has issued a correction as of 22:32 on Jun 11, 2018

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:30

Condiv: May 7, 2008; Sorry to undo the effort of paying a domestic abuser $10 to own this poster, but I am going to lose my dang mind if I keep seeing multiple posters who appear to be Baloogan.

With love,
a mod

WhiskeyJuvenile posted:

Yes almost like doing bad things is bad while doing good things is good

I mean, you do realize you're making a argument, right?

no, i'm not wj. how do you get paid 6 figures when you're that stupid?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:30

WhiskeyJuvenile: Feb 15, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

https://twitter.com/gangster_popeye/status/1006287327960809472?s=19

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:31

Phi230: Feb 2, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

gently caress Democrats

gently caress Democrats right in the ear

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:32

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

B B posted:

has this thread talked about how hilarious bill clinton's new book is? because it sounds really loving funny

https://newrepublic.com/article/148835/bill-clintons-new-thriller-final-villain-feminism

It's hilarious how Bill Clinton is still seen as elder statements by Third Way bad dems and they continue to try to silence Monica Lewinsky.

Like how she was invited to dem event but got banned from the event when the organizers learned the Bill was on the speakers list.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:32

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

https://twitter.com/mattmarkezich/status/1005677650663403520

# ? Jun 11, 2018 22:42

Cerebral Bore: Apr 21, 2010; Fun Shoe

B B posted:

has this thread talked about how hilarious bill clinton's new book is? because it sounds really loving funny

https://newrepublic.com/article/148835/bill-clintons-new-thriller-final-villain-feminism

Is he literally writing wish-fulfilment fanfiction about himself? Jesus gently caress that's pathetic.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:00

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

GalacticAcid posted:

https://twitter.com/mattmarkezich/status/1005677650663403520

For people not familiar with initiative #77

https://www.washingtonian.com/2018/05/03/everything-you-need-to-know-about-initiative-77-and-the-tipped-minimum-wage/

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:02

Matt Zerella: Oct 7, 2002; Norris'es are back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (fox Howl)

GalacticAcid posted:

my voting place is a school and it remains in session on election day

we are gonna run into each other and not realize it aren't we?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:02

StashAugustine: Mar 24, 2013; Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Cerebral Bore posted:

Is he literally writing wish-fulfilment fanfiction about himself? Jesus gently caress that's pathetic.

and hillary is the villain lmao

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:13

B B: Dec 1, 2005

Cerebral Bore posted:

Is he literally writing wish-fulfilment fanfiction about himself? Jesus gently caress that's pathetic.

They read large chunks of it in the new Chapo Trap House episode.

There's a section where President Duncan dons a disguise (including fake eye brows) so he can take a walk around D.C., during which he buys a homeless veteran a sandwich and listens to his troubles.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:33

Rah!: Feb 21, 2006

B B posted:

They read large chunks of it in the new Chapo Trap House episode.

There's a section where President Duncan dons a disguise (including fake eye brows) so he can take a walk around D.C., during which he buys a homeless veteran a sandwich and listens to his troubles.

lmao

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:46

ate shit on live tv: Feb 15, 2004; by Azathoth

etalian posted:

For people not familiar with initiative #77

https://www.washingtonian.com/2018/05/03/everything-you-need-to-know-about-initiative-77-and-the-tipped-minimum-wage/

Tipping is inherently counter-revolutionary, especially in a capitalist society.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 23:49