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Analog is continuous, like a stream.
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Jun 14, 2018 06:06
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spankmeister posted:Analog is continuous, like a stream. of piiiiiiiiiiiiss
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Jun 14, 2018 07:36
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Zamujasa posted:a good thing to keep in mind is that being trans doesn't necessarily require that you transition. you're still valid 
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Jun 14, 2018 09:26
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so a little while ago (i.e. late last year i guess) i bit the bullet and sort of quietly came out as nonbinary. since then i've still been trying to get a grip on how i want to present and all that because it seriously feels impossible for my mind to make itself up about sometimes and i rarely have the time or the drive to bother trying anything new plus there's that whole part of my brain that sometimes likes to go "no you're just full-on trans you idiot" which seems to be particularly loud these last couple of weeks for whatever reason. it'll probably quiet down again soon enough but it's a hell of a thing to compound my usual focus issues with
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Jun 14, 2018 17:17
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ate all the Oreos posted:general things to look for when picking a therapist: I'm going to veto these and say go for the LGBT+ organization recommendation route. I went my own way and found a gay psychologist who listed transgender issues amongst his specialties. Fucker was the TERFy-est TERF to TERF. I hadn't even realized how bad it was until after I fired him. The only thing he helped with was showing me what to watch out for in bigotry and forced me to stand up for my trans rear end.
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Jun 14, 2018 17:37
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Bunni-kat posted:I'm going to veto these and say go for the LGBT+ organization recommendation route. I went my own way and found a gay psychologist who listed transgender issues amongst his specialties. Fucker was the TERFy-est TERF to TERF. I hadn't even realized how bad it was until after I fired him. The only thing he helped with was showing me what to watch out for in bigotry and forced me to stand up for my trans rear end. see my wife had the exact opposite experience, the guy recommended by the local LGBT resources organization is totally incompetent, misgenders her and used her dead name the few times she went in for a visit (despite her literally wearing a name tag that said "my name and pronouns are", given to her by the front desk lady), and pretty much just doesn't "get" trans stuff. i guess what to take away from this is if your first psychologist is garbage or even if you just don't really click with them or w/e don't give up, cuz a good therapist can make a ton of difference and there's almost definitely other options to try. it's a pain in the rear end but it's very worth it
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Jun 14, 2018 17:55
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my therapist is a lesbian and she straight up does not give me a problem
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Jun 14, 2018 18:41
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i know people have talked about hair removal and I have a friend in canada on the east coast who is freaking out over how much she thinks hair removal is going to cost. she says she can't find anything close by and the place she did find will take 10,000 canadian dollars to get everything she wants done is there anything I can recommend to her in terms of finding places or pricing? from what i've read here it seems like it should be more common and cheap than that, but i don't live in canada and i like my hair so it beats me
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Jun 14, 2018 18:50
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So here's the critical thing with therapy (and this applies to any therapy, not just trans specific stuff): YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO CLICK WITH THE FIRST THERAPIST YOU TRYTherapy is an intense, difficult, and long-running relationship. You are going to tell your therapist things you've probably never said out loud before. You may not have even formed a full coherent thought around them before. You definitely haven't told your bf/gf/so/partner. Compatibility with your therapist is even more critical than compatibility with a spouse imo. You should go into first appointments fully treating it like a first date, and if you don't gel then gtfo and move on to the next one. For trans stuff bad first dates are really bad because you can end up with a TERF, you can end up with someone who'se just incompetent, or you can end up with someone who is actively sabotaging you. In my case, my first therapist was a bisexual man who had just gotten divorced and constantly attempted to "shock" me by saying "cock" over and over whenever I mentioned distress about my genitals. It took me 3 more therapists to find one that worked for me. So, seriously, take whatever approach you want to initiating your search. The critical thing is not to expect success on the first try. Don't prime yourself for disappointment 
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Jun 14, 2018 19:04
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groupon. i managed to make my hair removal cost me $1,000 CAD that way make sure it is laser and not ipl. it should be nd:yag or alexandrite
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Jun 14, 2018 19:04
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Prosthetic_Mind posted:i know people have talked about hair removal and I have a friend in canada on the east coast who is freaking out over how much she thinks hair removal is going to cost. she says she can't find anything close by and the place she did find will take 10,000 canadian dollars to get everything she wants done What all does she want done? Because if it's a lot that price sounds extremely reasonable. For laser I've done my full face and my lower legs so far and it was 6500 US dollars total. I'm augmenting my genital electroysis with more laser and that will easily put the bill over 10k. Laser is loving expensive, full stop. It's still cheaper than hundreds of hours of electrolysis. Does the Canadian health insurance system not assist with hair removal? I thought you socialist bastards were better about this poo poo?
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Jun 14, 2018 19:06
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Meat Beat Agent posted:so a little while ago (i.e. late last year i guess) i bit the bullet and sort of quietly came out as nonbinary. since then i've still been trying to get a grip on how i want to present and all that because it seriously feels impossible for my mind to make itself up about sometimes and i rarely have the time or the drive to bother trying anything new What you're describing sounds a lot like genderfluid people I know. Sometimes you feel really female, sometimes you feel really male, sometimes you just dgaf and don't feel strongly about your gender at all. You might just try going shopping when you're in your various "gender moods" and get things you like at the time so that you have a closet that supports wherever you're at on a particular day. Personally? I've given in to the realization that my aesthetic could be described as "urban witch".
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Jun 14, 2018 19:07
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jit bull transpile posted:So here's the critical thing with therapy (and this applies to any therapy, not just trans specific stuff): agreed. 100% i lucked out with my therapist only because two other trans women i know have been patients of hers. if she didn't work out i had another one lined up of whom one of my partners sees. she has been fine with pronouns, my name, my situation, and the fact that i have a poly relationship. her reputation going in was already good that said, you are going to need to be careful because a therapist is lot like a partner. my partners don't get to hear a lot of the stuff that comes out during then because they're not able to pull that stuff out of me the same way she does. it is not as if they don't get to hear about what is talked about after the fact, but a good therapist should be able to bring out of you what you are not talking about it has taken about 5 months for me to fully realise what she has done for me. it's not an instantaneous thing either also don't do what i did and accidentally set up appointments in the middle of the workday because it can be really jarring going back into the office after crying for a good 20 minutes at the end of the session
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Jun 14, 2018 19:10
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jit bull transpile posted:So here's the critical thing with therapy (and this applies to any therapy, not just trans specific stuff):
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Jun 14, 2018 19:11
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Lain Iwakura posted:groupon. i managed to make my hair removal cost me $1,000 CAD that way Brought that up, apparently there isn't much for groupon in New Brunswick, and other than that it sounds like more of just a money and time kind of thing. Thanks to everyone for your help. Edit: That therapy advice is right on the money.
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Jun 14, 2018 19:34
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Prosthetic_Mind posted:Brought that up, apparently there isn't much for groupon in New Brunswick, and other than that it sounds like more of just a money and time kind of thing. Thanks to everyone for your help. hot tip, get the gently caress out of New Brunswick, you can probably find something elsewhere. prolly better options in Halifax and Montreal is a days drive away. I apologize if you have looked
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Jun 14, 2018 19:42
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I assume you have a car if you live there. I know NB is not the most queer friendly place either. I understand that it’s a time issue but the potential cost savings might still be worth it
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Jun 14, 2018 19:49
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jit bull transpile posted:What you're describing sounds a lot like genderfluid people I know. Sometimes you feel really female, sometimes you feel really male, sometimes you just dgaf and don't feel strongly about your gender at all. You might just try going shopping when you're in your various "gender moods" and get things you like at the time so that you have a closet that supports wherever you're at on a particular day. i've thought about it that way before, yeah. i guess the frustrating part is that it usually feels so arbitrary and difficult to pin down that actually being able to set aside time for any of that stuff can be a challenge
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Jun 14, 2018 19:54
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Meat Beat Agent posted:i've thought about it that way before, yeah. i guess the frustrating part is that it usually feels so arbitrary and difficult to pin down that actually being able to set aside time for any of that stuff can be a challenge I'm afraid I don't have any relevant experience to help you with because I'm binary as gently caress  good luck friend
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Jun 14, 2018 19:58
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i mostly just felt like rambling about that a bit so i appreciate it 
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Jun 14, 2018 20:04
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Meat Beat Agent posted:i mostly just felt like rambling about that a bit so i appreciate it always be rambling itt. we are the void and into us you must shout ~*^^GENDER^^*~
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Jun 14, 2018 20:09
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similarly, I haven't been to a therapist since I was a kid, and that was for anxiety attacks. I've been having weird thoughts about gender and stuff like that for years but never really thought much about therapy for it because I haven't really felt it impacting my day to day life much? it just kind of feels like one of those recurring side thoughts more than anything and it kind of makes me wonder if it's something I think about because two of my best friends are trans or if there's something rooted deeper in my head going on.
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Jun 14, 2018 20:24
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Prosthetic_Mind posted:i know people have talked about hair removal and I have a friend in canada on the east coast who is freaking out over how much she thinks hair removal is going to cost. she says she can't find anything close by and the place she did find will take 10,000 canadian dollars to get everything she wants done while it's usually pretty expensive in total to get a lot done, it's usually spread out over time - you pay incrementally since you have to come back every 6 weeks or so to get hair follicles that weren't growing at the previous time, and you probably won't do your entire body at once or w/e and instead do smaller sections based on priority (usually the most visible facial hair first, for example). So while the entire cost is probably $5000 to $10000, that's usually done in bite-sized payments of like $100 or $200 a month, over the course of a year or more.
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Jun 14, 2018 20:34
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Kazinsal posted:similarly, I haven't been to a therapist since I was a kid, and that was for anxiety attacks. I've been having weird thoughts about gender and stuff like that for years but never really thought much about therapy for it because I haven't really felt it impacting my day to day life much? therapy is super duper good at figuring out your thoughts or feelings on stuff, since it's basically hiring someone who's an expert on how people think to work with you and figure yourself out. regardless of all that don't think that you need to like, pick a gender and stick with it or something, it's perfectly fine to just have "weird gender thoughts" and act on them as much or as little as you'd like, do what makes you feel comfortable and happy i consider myself pretty genderfluid and kinda match your experience of having trans friends and gender thoughts and idk i just like... go with whatever 
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Jun 14, 2018 20:44
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Meat Beat Agent posted:i've thought about it that way before, yeah. i guess the frustrating part is that it usually feels so arbitrary and difficult to pin down that actually being able to set aside time for any of that stuff can be a challenge It me! A lot of what i've been doing about it is looking at people and asking myself if I want to look like them - how they dress, hair, whatever. Lately it's been on the feminine side but it comes and goes I went and got styling tips for growing my hair out and finished knitting a dress that I've had on needles for the past few months, I feel v. powerful
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Jun 14, 2018 23:46
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For some reason im more subdued in boymode and in girlmode I end up climbing on top of roofs and eating corn chowder out the can with no spoon and wear leather jackets and poo poo
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Jun 14, 2018 23:56
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Poniard posted:I end up climbing on top of roofs and eating corn chowder out the can with no spoon and wear leather jackets and poo poo
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Jun 15, 2018 00:08
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Meat Beat Agent posted:i've thought about it that way before, yeah. i guess the frustrating part is that it usually feels so arbitrary and difficult to pin down that actually being able to set aside time for any of that stuff can be a challenge on the other hand ive established wardrobes and it’s annoying af when people expect you to present mostly one way or the other. it’s annoying af especially from my queer friends who i expect to know better. i can barely figure out what’s going on in my head why do i need to satisfy their criteria for whatever metric they’re using? it helps to just not give a gently caress. i just go for it and i don’t defend myself to anybody.
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Jun 15, 2018 15:13
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also i guess i’ll introduce myself. i’m a queer se asian muslim from boston and i am actually decently engaged in the local queer community here when i’m not fighting gatekeepers. i work a bunch of jobs. one (appropriately) is at a gender studies department at a major university here. my main summer job though is pedicabbing which are those bikes with seats in the back and they have the most wonderful and supportive queer adjacent community. the actual job can be night and day sometimes. last weekend was pride and i was presenting however i wanted and people were so amazing and validating as i worked the parade and after parties. the last two days were Zac Brown Band at fenway. day one i wore my usual style of cabbing clothes: short shorts, tanktop, birkenstocks to show off my painted toes. it usually sells well to people in 2018. except for the fake country people in boston. that night literally every ride i had said something racist or homophobic to me and if it wasn’t my ride it was people passing by. just awful and i made ok money but it was awful. thank god im more or less immune to this stuff having worked sox, celtics, and bruins games for 4 years now and i have the thickest skin but it’s exhausting. so i did an a/b test and last night i wore long camo cargo shorts and closed toe shoes with a tanktop and a neon orange camo hat and by doing whiteface i made literally 4x the money i made on friday. less comments were made but there was still plenty of trash out. it’s just really jarring coming off pride weekend and getting so much support all around and then riding an event with trump shirts and actual stars and bars. i’m not surprised in the least but it’s interesting that four more inches of shorts changes the game that much. Casual Encountess fucked around with this message at 16:51 on Jun 17, 2018 |
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Jun 17, 2018 16:46
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Casual Encountess posted:also i guess i’ll introduce myself. Jeez that sounds awful. I've only been to Boston once and it was before I came out, but I had gotten a pretty progressive vibe, even out at fenway. Sad to hear the mask comes off when people have a few drinks in them. I guess that's why all your bars close so stupidly early.
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Jun 18, 2018 07:16
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Now wear the first outfit but a version where everything is camo, I bet you'll literally melt their brains
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Jun 18, 2018 14:56
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this is making the rounds: https://www.facebook.com/liz.lilly.awesome/posts/1965375716845893 quote:An open letter to parents. i gave up on my parents on jan 15 and have pretty much pretended that they're effectively dead
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Jun 18, 2018 17:26
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Lmao the eob for my butt came and the surgeon billed 83,000 buckaroos
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Jun 19, 2018 02:24
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jit bull transpile posted:Lmao the eob for my butt came and the surgeon billed 83,000 buckaroos The insurance took a 59k discount so he wound up with double his cash fee. American health care billing is a farce and I don't miss working in that industry.
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Jun 19, 2018 02:33
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wait so does that mean it ran you $30,000 or am I lost still
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Jun 19, 2018 02:36
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FAT32 SHAMER posted:wait so does that mean it ran you $30,000 or am I lost still Nah, he got mad paid and I paid nothing. Hypothetically he could balance bill me for the difference but he doesn't do that. I am extremely lucky and grateful to have insurance that views gender surgeries as medical care.
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Jun 19, 2018 02:41
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a friend of mine was supposed to get her birthday present of new boobs this week but her wife is in the hospital after having (another) stroke, y'all be careful with blood flow if you're on HRT  make sure you get up regularly during the day and stretch if you work an office job, or get a standing desk or something (like my wife has) last time this happened she apparently had "several massive strokes" and recovered completely with no noticeable effect so that's good, this one seems to be the same but they're not really sure yet since it's only been a day.
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Jun 19, 2018 03:36
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jit bull transpile posted:Lmao the eob for my butt came and the surgeon billed 83,000 buckaroos explanation of butts
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Jun 19, 2018 04:47
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Meat Beat Agent posted:so a little while ago (i.e. late last year i guess) i bit the bullet and sort of quietly came out as nonbinary. since then i've still been trying to get a grip on how i want to present and all that because it seriously feels impossible for my mind to make itself up about sometimes and i rarely have the time or the drive to bother trying anything new a mutual friend of ours (you probably know who) has boob forms for this exact reason, mostly so that on days where they feel feminine they can put them on and on days where they don't they don't (at least until that particular piece of clothing fell apart, whoops) other than that yeah same w/r/t the impossible to make it up and no time or drive to try new things. i feel a lot like the stereotypical "girl on the internet, guy in real life" thing because it's too much effort and brain energy to do anything else
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Jun 19, 2018 05:01
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Zamujasa posted:a mutual friend of ours (you probably know who) has boob forms for this exact reason, mostly so that on days where they feel feminine they can put them on and on days where they don't they don't I accidentally hit my breast form with the back of a hammer once and fixed it with nail top coat. Held together for another year like that. What the heck did your friend do to those poor boobs?
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Jun 19, 2018 05:09
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