/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Poulpe: Nov 11, 2006; Canadian Santa Extraordinaire

Haifisch posted:

I (28M) am a groomsman in my friends (28M) wedding. He wants a 7+ day bachelor party. My fianc� is pissed. Thoughts?

quote:
My friend just got engaged to his girlfriend of 3 months and they are having their wedding before ours.

Jesus Christ.
3 month relationship?
Sliding in the wedding just before yours?
You're the guy with the SUV expected to provide transit for a whole week of bachelor nonsense?

This guy is brainwashed into thinking his lovely one sided friendship is worth way more than it is.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 22:29

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# ? May 30, 2024 19:02

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

Most places people take vacations to are like this. If you venture outside your little white-people-paradise bubble, there's tons of stuff worth seeing.

The view from your resort is pretty, but it turns out there are even better places to see things from!

I�ve been to many places. It�s much cheaper and less jarring to go to Vegas than say, Okinawa. (Which has lovely resorts btw :3:

)

Sorry my thing I like wasn�t high brow enough but I looked at enough weird art installations in Prague, Paris etc to feel ok liking poker and pools.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 22:30

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Poulpe posted:

Jesus Christ.
3 month relationship?
Sliding in the wedding just before yours?
You're the guy with the SUV expected to provide transit for a whole week of bachelor nonsense?

This guy is brainwashed into thinking his lovely one sided friendship is worth way more than it is.

I want to know the nature of the previous screwing(s) over, "going way back" is a terrible reason to continue to be friends with lovely people, it's pretty much the sunk cost fallacy in action

# ? Jun 27, 2018 22:47

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Caganer posted:

I�ve been to many places. It�s much cheaper and less jarring to go to Vegas than say, Okinawa. (Which has lovely resorts btw )

Sorry my thing I like wasn�t high brow enough but I looked at enough weird art installations in Prague, Paris etc to feel ok liking poker and pools.

I wasn't throwing shade there, just saying Vegas isn't the only place the statement applied to

I don't get why people pay out the nose to go to, eg, Hawaii, and spend the whole time on the beach. Hawaii legit owns in tons of ways you'd never know if you don't leave your hotel.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:06

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Smdh if you don't go to at least 10 different shave ice stands.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:15

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Poulpe posted:

Jesus Christ.
3 month relationship?
Sliding in the wedding just before yours?
You're the guy with the SUV expected to provide transit for a whole week of bachelor nonsense?

This guy is brainwashed into thinking his lovely one sided friendship is worth way more than it is.

Bonus round: OP says in the comments that he doesn't even like the extreme sports stuff the rest of the guys would be doing, and his 'friend' knows it.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:19

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Haifisch posted:

Bonus round: OP says in the comments that he doesn't even like the extreme sports stuff the rest of the guys would be doing, and his 'friend' knows it.

I got that from his post, too - he says "the other guys" will be doing that rather than "we" will. Literally his only participation during the week will be as a chauffeur. And you know the rest of them will be passed out or on their phones during the drive.

There's a thousand polite ways to get out of this, including "I can't take a week off work suddenly because I just took time off for my wedding" or "I'm so sorry I can't afford the trip." For fun, tell him you'd still love to be a groomsman but your SUV broke down and won't be repaired in time for the 'party.'

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:35

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

datajugend posted:

the guy who wants a detachable shower head wants it so its easier to clean his rear end.

no poo poo

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:54

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

dudeness posted:

no poo poo

Yes that's the point.

# ? Jun 27, 2018 23:58

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

I wasn't throwing shade there, just saying Vegas isn't the only place the statement applied to

I don't get why people pay out the nose to go to, eg, Hawaii, and spend the whole time on the beach. Hawaii legit owns in tons of ways you'd never know if you don't leave your hotel.

My bad I didn't pay attention to the username.

I know you would never be mean loq :kimchi:

Should I (20 M) stay with my gf (22 F) who has hit me before? (self.dating_advice)

quote:

About 6 months ago my gf and I got into an argument and she ended up hitting me pretty drat hard in the face and I was bleeding (she�s slapped me before but not this bad, this was more of a punch). I didn�t think anything of it at the time, I thought �Oh I�m a man, she�s a girl ill suck it up its nothing.� But then a few months we broke up and got back together, and I can�t help but think of the nasty stuff she�s done to me. Do you guys foresee this being a problem for her in the future?

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:13

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

datajugend posted:

the guy who wants a detachable shower head wants it so its easier to clean his rear end.

Yup!

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:16

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

datajugend posted:

the guy who wants a detachable shower head wants it so its easier to clean his rear end.

That story was surprising to me, usually shower head stories are "guy replaces detachable shower head, woman is furious because she's in love with it".

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:17

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

I've got a sprayer attached to the toilet that cleans my rear end and I have completely freed myself of toilet paper as well as dirty asses. Toilet paper is a disgusting invention and everyone who uses it has poop on their butts

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:22

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

well you can just call me poop butt

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:28

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

once in tokyo i went into the bathroom at a very fancy bar. they had a fancy japanese toilet, which I poo poo in. then i tried to hit the button to flush but instead hit the bidet button so it propelled shitwater at me along with a small nugget of poo :downs:

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:34

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Play posted:

I've got a sprayer attached to the toilet that cleans my rear end and I have completely freed myself of toilet paper as well as dirty asses. Toilet paper is a disgusting invention and everyone who uses it has poop on their butts

how do you dry your butt then :confused:

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:35

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

hawowanlawow posted:

well you can just call me poop butt

dammit I was gonna say "sounds like the words of a man with poop on his butt" and you frickin ruined it!!

loquacius posted:

how do you dry your butt then

It shouldn't be like dripping water after you're done, just a small amount right on the b hole which will disappear real quick, especially in dry climate like mine. Clean water on the bunghole > poop

Think about it, can you ever really get ALL the poop just with toilet paper? The answer is no. You all have poop on your butts. right now. get in the shower

Play fucked around with this message at 00:39 on Jun 28, 2018

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:35

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Science has taught us that there is basically poop all over everything you have ever touched, including right now

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:45

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

okay I'm done trying to bring enlightenment to the unwashed, lovely-assed masses. you guys deserve your poop and i hope you drown in it!!

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:47

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Pick posted:

WhAT IF women are life stealing robots from planet hell rear end. Makes u think

stop giving away our secrets!

# ? Jun 28, 2018 00:48

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

how do you dry your butt then

why would you do a thing like that

Play posted:

okay I'm done trying to bring enlightenment to the unwashed, lovely-assed masses. you guys deserve your poop and i hope you drown in it!!

joke's on you because i eat lots of fiber, my poop is so solid it plugs up my butt and i poop twice a week

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:10

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

1-800-WET-BUTT

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:27

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

I (24F) Found out bf (26M) doesn't clean his butt. What do i do?

quote:

I've tried to instruct him how to butt he just doesn't seem to care. He has said that washing his cheeks and letting the soapy water run over them is enough, but I've learned go in between the cheeks from my mother at a very early age. My entire nuclear family has allways cleaned our butts. It's just gross to think that my bf is walking around all day with poop in his butt.

Tell me reddit, is this a deal breaker?

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:39

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

dudeness posted:

no poo poo

it was too long so i didnt bother to read it. but for male sex shower fun just show it up and shower up.

family vacation in thailand showed me the glory of tiny butt-showers next to toilets, never felt so clean.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:42

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

Caganer posted:

I (24F) Found out bf (26M) doesn't clean his butt. What do i do?

if using his hand to wash his crack and hole is too gay, is it impossible for him to jerk off?

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:45

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

When you think about it we�re all just poop filled butts with legs.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:45

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Caganer posted:

I (24F) Found out bf (26M) doesn't clean his butt. What do i do?

Balls smell bad enough. Now imagine the mixture of NEVER WASHED rear end in a top hat and balls, marinating together after the end of a long day. Also that girl must choke on dingleberries every time she tries to give him a bj... :barf:

I guess what I'm saying is that's some top notch oral sex repellant

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:46

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

datajugend posted:

it was too long so i didnt bother to read it.

That's okay, I didn't read any of it either I just wanted to make a pun.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:46

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

extra row of teeth posted:

Balls smell bad enough. Now imagine the mixture of NEVER WASHED rear end in a top hat and balls, marinating together after the end of a long day. Also that girl must choke on dingleberries every time she tries to give him a bj...

I guess what I'm saying is that's some top notch oral sex repellant

how do you get dingleberries on your dick? circumcised american dick dont have a pocket for the nugs

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:49

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

hmm maybe if you straddle and swing the ding so you can slap it backwards into the crack

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:51

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

datajugend posted:

how do you get dingleberries on your dick? circumcised american dick dont have a pocket for the nugs

hairy dick + back to front wiping... i guess >_>

# ? Jun 28, 2018 01:59

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

the fat camp trilogy is :discourse:

Can my parents make me go to fat camp?(self.legaladvice)

quote:

I am fourteen, boy, and live in New York State with my mom and stepfather. My dad died before I was born and I grew with alone with my Mom, until I was ten and when she met him. They married about two years ago and he has been my stepfather ever since.

I do not hate my stepfather and he does not hate me. I am glad he met my mother. She was very lonely when I was a kid and he makes her happy and is a very kind person. We were also very poor and he is a businessman who makes a lot of money and can take care of my mom so she doesn't have to kill herself. He has never got in a argument with me and we do not fight. But it is very awkward in the house between us even with us both trying to be nice. We have very little in common, but I want to repeat that I do not hate him at all because I know that many people have relationships with there steparents and I do not have that.

I am very fat, very very fat. I have always been. I was the tallest kid in my class last year but still about 260 pounds, which I know is fat. My weigh doesn't bother me, i like being fat. The only thing that it really changes is how I might get along with girls but from my angle its a good way to see who is shallow. I do not want to eat healthy and i think about food a lot. i have dieted in the past and it has made me very miserable. I am not lazy or anything. I work very hard at school and in everything I do I just don't care about this. My mom does care more then me but she never bothered me about it but my stepdad brings it up alot. Never in a mean way but he always asks me to go to the gym and trys only buying food which does not fill me up and is overly healthy.

A few weeks ago we went to the doctor and they gave me a speech about eating better and today from my stepdad and mom wanted to speak to me, after my last day of school for the semester since I am skipping exam week since I exempted. They talked about the doctor's meeting and said I'm going to a "health camp" for literally the entire summer, from early june to the middle of august. ALL OF IT. I looked it up and its just a fat camp.

I was obviously really upset and I begged them not to send me but they said that they'd already paid for it and I was definitely going. I don't ever yell at my parents but I couldn't manage the conversation so I just left immediately and went in my room and cried. I went down later and asked very nicely if I didn't have to go and they said no. I asked why I deserved a punishment and they said it wasnt a punishment. I just left again because i wouldnt have been able to stop from screaming at them and i don't want to yell at them.

Legally angle, can they FORCE me to go? At 14 it seems ridiculous that they could force me to go. I'll actually be 15 halfway through. I have to take a plane, they can't legally require me to go on a plane right? I understand if I was like 10 or something but I'm a teenager now. This is my last semester before high school and it's so stupid that this is how it might be wasted. at 14 and 15 don't they need MY permission at all?

Thank you very much for help.

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Update] (self.legaladvice)

quote:

I am in New York.

I had many conversations with my parents and they refused to budge. I considered leaving the house for a bit but ultimately decided not to. I've tried not to be but I'm honestly very angry at my parents for doing this to me and I view them very negatively at least much more than before. I feel like they don't care about my opinion at all. I've done research and nobodhy loses weight at the camp i'm going too and again even if they did don't care.

I'm going to the camp tomorrow night and i'm not looking forward to it. I feel very depressed and have not felt happy since all this began. I looked it up and it would be easy for me to not get on the plane but i still don't want to make a seen. i am intenonally not going to try to lose weight at the camp which ive been honest about. My parents are acting like i suddenly "want" to go because I told them I literally wouldn physically fight against of and they dont care what I say or think. I have a lot less respect for my parents as people and i do not want to be around them anymore.

Either way i'm going tomorrow. thanks to the people who were helpful. Many people said that it is impossible to be happy and fat and I think those people are wrong but I dont think they will ever change there minds.

Thanks.

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Last Update] (self.legaladvice)

quote:

Still in New York.

I was taken to camp earlier this month and i did not resist going but i was very very upfront with my parents that i wasnt going to participate whenever possible, they did not take me seriously. I went on the plane and told the conseulers the same once I got on the bus. I was very polite but honest about it. my tactic was to use peaceful "nonviolent resistance" until they let me go home unless it turned out to be a crazy camp which it wasnt. I read a book about the civil rights movement a few monts ago and i based what i did off that. Obviously me being at a camp isn't even close to human rights things but the technices still work.

I got to my cabin and I just stayed on bed and politely told them that I didnt plan on doing the exercises. the counselors spoke to me nicely than less nicely and tried to convince me to move but they couldn't and I'm too big to drag off a bed even if they wanted to. They were nice people and i wanted to be nice to them as well but i again was open and honest through everything. i just did not go to stuff after i went into my cabin. i politely calmly refused to go to the opening ceremony, exercises, meetings, activities even though nothing was optional. when the kids in my cabin spoke or tried to convince me to come down I also politely refused to speak to them. They then said that I wouldn't get dinner/lunch if I didnt come down and participate and I refused asuming that they need to feed me sometimes.

I was right. they didn't give me dinner that night or breakfast because i didn't go to eat but someone brought me a lunch the next day even if it was a terrible overly healthy type of thing. i was still very hungry and very bord but i just kept imagining getting out early. that lasted for six days with me spending all of my time on the bed with them bringing me food. I brought books but they took them away so I just sat and entertained myself by imagining stuff. it was the most boring thing i've ever done. After a week or six days (not sure) the headmaster owner/leader of the camp came and spoke to me directly. Again he was very nice to me and I tried to be nice back but I was open about that i wasnt doing anything until I went home. he was trying to convince me that I wanted to lose weight, but I didnt.

The next day he called my parents and I left for the first time to speak to them in his office. They begged me to do it and we had a weird conference call meeting with them on the phone and the headmaster were they were all trying to convince me to participate and even shaming me a bit, but again I calmly refused very simply. They said they were going to wait three more days to give me "time to think about it", and I told them it wouldn't make a difference but they did it anyway so i sat another three and then an extra day waiting. After that we had one more conference and then I was sent that night on a plane ticket home because i peacefully refused to do everything and they saw no point keeping me there. They really tried shaming me near the end but I just told them that i couldn't feel ashamed for not doing something that they wanted me to. I felt slightly sad about having to be a pain for the conseulers or the head guy because neither did anything wrong to me but I was very very very happy that I won't have to spend me whole summer their. My parents are in a sad mood since I came back and they arent really speaking to me but at least i'm home and I won't have to spend another month there. They also got some of the money back because i wasn't there the whole time.

I appreciate all the advice i got even if i don't agree with all of it. thank you. I got most of my summer back.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 02:55

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Caganer posted:

the fat camp trilogy is

Can my parents make me go to fat camp?(self.legaladvice)

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Update] (self.legaladvice)

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Last Update] (self.legaladvice)

What a fat sack of crap.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 03:00

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

drat that is one intransigent fat kid. Frankly I'm impressed by his dedication to remain fat as gently caress.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 03:02

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Get used to never being able to get out of bed kid.

# ? Jun 28, 2018 03:03

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

"i'm too fat to be removed from the bed :smug:

" was the best part imho

# ? Jun 28, 2018 03:03

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Caganer posted:

the fat camp trilogy is

Can my parents make me go to fat camp?(self.legaladvice)

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Update] (self.legaladvice)

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Last Update] (self.legaladvice)

kid is gonna become the fattest person alive

# ? Jun 28, 2018 03:04