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Just a heads up, there are a couple of E/N threads that would fit in r/elationships right now. I scrolled up to look for ages on one of them before realizing I was not in this thread.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:30
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Pick posted:I went to a funeral where someone was wearing a Teen Titans t shirt. I was so pissed Which version?
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Jul 2, 2018 17:31
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The Ferret King posted:She realized you were a weird foreigner because you were wearing a jacket in 110 degree Arizona. arizona (phoenix at least) is designed so that you don't have to ever experience the outdoors. go from your air-conditioned house to your air-conditioned garage to your air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned underground parking structure to the air-conditioned office and back five days a week, never breathing a gram of outside air. when i lived there i commuted to work by bicycle and wore the appropriate clothing for that -- shorts and a lightweight seersucker shirt, like a british man in calcutta -- and as a result i would freeze to death at work because the AC was always set for people irrationally wearing east-coast business attire like suits and pantyhose. ridiculous. oh and i bet that when this won't-snapchat-me girl says they have "religious differences" that it's a muslim/hindu thing. i've known a number of couples like that where the (westernized) kids were generally fine with it but the parents would nuke them for it and the cultural/parental control and shame runs super deep and so it is just not gonna happen. he's loving her while he can but has zero intention of it going the long haul
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Jul 2, 2018 17:33
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Pick posted:Now, if you can afford Nordstrom, you just go there and ask for your personal stylist. They’re super good. What price range is a personal shopper? I am ready to ditch my entire current wardrobe (minus the few things I own that are fitted and lovely) and wouldn't mind paying for 3-5 really decent outfits to start a wardrobe revamp, but I have no idea how to find flattering clothes. Everyone talks up the hourglass figure 'looking good in anything' but realistically anything not tailored just seems to hang like a sack on me 
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Jul 2, 2018 17:34
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HazCat posted:What price range is a personal shopper? I am ready to ditch my entire current wardrobe (minus the few things I own that are fitted and lovely) and wouldn't mind paying for 3-5 really decent outfits to start a wardrobe revamp, but I have no idea how to find flattering clothes. Nordstrom provides a personal stylist for free. The trade off is of course they select from Nordstrom clothing. Luckily they have the best lines of any major clothing retailer, by far.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:37
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Macy's also does it for free. Either way, most of what they dig up will still probably need tailoring if you want it to fit really nicely.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:39
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i like nice words
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If you have the money I sort of don’t get why anyone gets clothes anywhere else. Saks is good too I guess but eh
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Jul 2, 2018 17:39
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Idk if Macy’s has in-house tailors but Nord does and either way, yes to tailoring
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Jul 2, 2018 17:44
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feedmegin posted:
I had to look this up. Maybe that’s what it was! I don’t think I was ever directly told beyond “this is happening.” I have a very dim, horrifying memory of a doctor painfully pulling at me when I was about three. My wife said that was a thing docs did back then - try to make poo poo separate early or whatever. Now I’ve got a secondary theory! High five indeed. Ralph Crammed In posted:Oh poo poo, I've been with my husband for over ten years and his Instagram is only pictures of our dog or weird things he sees on the bus, and the only thing he posts on Facebook about home remodeling or working on the car. Is our marriage in trouble you guys? I swear you must have posted this before because I thought I accidentally went way far back in the thread when I read it. Sounds like your husband has found a fun way to use snapchat! I think you’re going to be A-OK.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:45
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phimosis haver buddy
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There's a Nordstrom here in Hampton Roads and boy is it struggling because nobody here wants that. I don't know how they've hung in for almost 20 years.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:47
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Huh, for some reason I always assumed personal shoppers were something you paid for. Guess I should go look at some clothes! But ugh, paying for clothes and then tailoring is the worst. It's not even the expense really, it's just the vague worry that if I knew what I was doing I could get bespoke stuff for the same price.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:52
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cumshitter posted:My favorite stories are the ones along the lines of "my boyfriend showed up to my grandma's funeral in a 'Who Farted?' t-shirt and threadbare sweatpants with one ball hanging out and spent the entire time walking around the pews playing Pokemon Go how do I teach him basic social awareness?" No he was in gym shorts and watching porn on his phone. Amazing. Laughed about that one for a week.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:54
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Take a trip to SE Asia and just spend all your cash on buckets of tailoring rather than sleaze.
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Jul 2, 2018 17:58
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Do nudist colonies have funerals? If so what is the appropriate clothing/noclothing?
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Jul 2, 2018 18:01
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Cat Army
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dudeness posted:Do nudist colonies have funerals? A black cockring to show that you're in a state of mourning.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:04
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HazCat posted:Huh, for some reason I always assumed personal shoppers were something you paid for. Guess I should go look at some clothes! Personal shoppers are a thing but aren’t as helpful for clothes, and that’s a very high end thing, kind of an unreasonable expense imho. A personal stylist at one place you trust is v handy though You can also get bespoke at Nord such as for suits.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:07
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Ziv Zulander posted:Which version? Go
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Jul 2, 2018 18:08
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Pick posted:Idk if Macy’s has in-house tailors but Nord does and either way, yes to tailoring Macy's does indeed have tailors
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Jul 2, 2018 18:09
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So this is all very standard, it’s the comments that made me post My (26m) girlfriend (23f) kissed another girl while at a bachelorette party and is making me feel like the bad guy about it quote:u/Legend_of_Tadpole quote:You told her you were not ok with her kissing other girls- you set the boundary and she knew beforehand that this would be considered cheating and did it anyway. She's trying to make you feel bad about it now because she's guilty quote:But what about her boundaries? She obviously doesn't think it's a big deal so it's ok by her. Why does this have to be a one way street? Why is it only his feelings that matter? Why are her needs not being considered here? quote:It's a one way street because she entered into a committed, monogamous relationship with him. If she doesn't think she can happily abide by what he needs in a relationship, she's more than welcome to leave him. quote:This is an extremely monoganormative thing to say. Lots of people have non-monogamous relationships and have absolutely no problem with their partner sharing their love with other people. Monoganormative sounds like something I should have covered in a second year analysis course.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:10
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namechange to monoganormative please!! wait, wait, or consanguinamory
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Jul 2, 2018 18:15
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Coohoolin posted:Being able to look good is an important life skill that Americans seem to suck at. I live in Phoenix and I can't tell you how many times people thought I was foreign because I refuse to wear shorts and flipflops while not at home or at a pool. Or waiters coming up from behind saying, "How can I take your ladies or- OH YOU'RE A GUY I'M SO SORRY MY SMALL HEAT ADDLED BRAIN SEES LONG HAIR IN MANS CLOTHES AND JUST MAKES ASSUMPTIONS!!" Tbh tho neither are a big deal and pretty entertaining
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Jul 2, 2018 18:18
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Milotic posted:So this is all very standard, it’s the comments that made me post this poo poo is what happens when a forum doesn't ban their weirdos
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Jul 2, 2018 18:18
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Why do you have long hair
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Jul 2, 2018 18:20
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Oh my god I wish I'd caught this one on the legal advice sub before it was deleted: My coworker hit me in the mouth with a used dildo that was found in a junk bin. "Hey Billy! Look what I found!!" *THWACK*
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Jul 2, 2018 18:22
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Ewwwww
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Jul 2, 2018 18:22
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Milotic posted:So this is all very standard, it’s the comments that made me post You can always count on the sex weird to come barging in and share the rules of a relationship that the OP is definitely not in.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:23
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Milotic posted:So this is all very standard, it’s the comments that made me post That's got to be some of the worst loving logic ever, there's a direct line from that to "well he didn't think it was rape, so it's okay" and "well he didn't think she should be alive, so it's okay". The internet has really broken some people.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:24
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Milotic posted:So this is all very standard, it’s the comments that made me post Pretty sure the commenter is a troll. She made a post about her own marriage last week: My (23F) husband (29M) doesn't respect my needs quote:Throwaway bc some people I know might be reading this.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:29
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Jeza posted:namechange to monoganormative please!! wait, wait, or consanguinamory Is it truly monogamous if you're related to your partner more than once? 
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Jul 2, 2018 18:31
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Sadly, it wasn't as momentous as I expected it to be:quote:Nova Scotia Canada I am male if that is relevant. I work for a junk removal business in Halifax Nova Scotia Canada. For some jobs we drop off bins at customers houses and pick them up a few days. We then take the bins to our warehouse to sort through the junk so we can recycle or trash what we find. This morning while sorting through one of these bins my coworker and I dug up a bag that contained some dildos, butt plugs and other sex toys. this is a common occurrence but still always worth a chuckle. While my back was turned my coworker grabbed the dildo on top (not in its packaging, clearly used) and went to smack me on the cheek with it. I turned at the last second and it hit me on my upper lip. I pushed him away from me then went off to wipe my mouth with hand sanitizer I don't know who's dildo it was, what it was used for, what germs are on it or anything. I'm pretty upset at the moment and I'm wondering if I should press workplace sexual harassment charges Am I overreacting? Is pressing charges worth it for something this small?
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Jul 2, 2018 18:34
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almightyerin posted:Oh my god I wish I'd caught this one on the legal advice sub before it was deleted: how does one determine that a dildo is used? or do you just make that assumption for any one that isn't in the package e: oh, question answered, i guess
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Jul 2, 2018 18:36
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My fiancée's [27F] friends are saying that the fact that I [24M] don't have a smartphone and shop at the dollar store are "red flags"quote:I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year, and recently we became engaged, with our wedding to take place this coming spring. "I give every outward indication of being poor. Why does my fiancee's family think I'm poor, and why does that bother them?" The family sounds shittily cynical but drat, this dude's on pace to finish his degree at age 30 while working part time and is being a no-smartphone weirdo when you can get a basic Android for like $50.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:53
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TheScott2K posted:My fiancée's [27F] friends are saying that the fact that I [24M] don't have a smartphone and shop at the dollar store are "red flags" hot take: all of this guy's fiancee's friends are bougie assholes
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Jul 2, 2018 18:55
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dudeness posted:Do nudist colonies have funerals? Everyone should be at half mast.
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Jul 2, 2018 18:57
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loquacius posted:hot take: all of this guy's fiancee's friends are bougie assholes If my friend got engaged to this guy, my first thought would be "that degree will never materialize"
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Jul 2, 2018 18:57
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A flip phone might actually be better then a $50 android phone to be honest. Though the real savings is in not having a data plan.
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Jul 2, 2018 19:00
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TheScott2K posted:If my friend got engaged to this guy, my first thought would be "that degree will never materialize" I'd bet good money that anyone who thinks it's a red flag to shop at Dollar Tree and not have an iPhone has never had to worry about money in their life
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Jul 2, 2018 19:01
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Should I be concerned about my daughter’s (18 F) relationship with her married teacher (40s M)? Hey redditors. I’ve used Reddit for a while but this is my first time posting here so I hope I’m going about it the right way, and also I apologize for the formatting because I’m on my phone. I made this throwaway account with the hopes of anonymously getting some help on how to handle a situation with my daughter, and I’d appreciate any advice I can get. Thanks in advance! My daughter “Ally” is 18 and she graduated from high school a year ago. Back when she was still in school she had “Mr. Smith” as one of her teachers her junior year and from what I know she was really fond of him and they developed a close bond. She’d talk about him often when she came home from school and it became apparent that she formed a bit of a crush on him even though she never said so outright. At the time I thought nothing of it, I know these things happen and it sounded one-sided, but then her senior year rolled around. Ally no longer had Mr. Smith as a teacher but she’d still talk about him almost daily. On most days instead of going to eat outside with her friends she told me she’d stay in and have lunch with Mr. Smith alone in his classroom. She’d briefly mention to me some of the conversations that they had which started sounding less appropriate and less professional by the day in my opinion. For instance, she said that he’d talk to her about his family life and complain about his marital problems to her often. They also started giving each other gifts around the holidays, and he even got her a nice perfume around Christmas time. I probably should’ve intervened when all this started happening but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Ally had struggled with some depression and other problems since her dad and I separated, and it seemed like the “friendship” she had with Mr. Smith was helping her through some of that. Anyways, things continued on this way throughout her senior year until she graduated. Once she left the school, I figured that was that and I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. She took a year off to travel but her travels only lasted a few months then she came home to work. All this time went by and I hadn’t heard a word about Mr Smith since graduation. Then one day out of nowhere I noticed she had a big smile on her face while she was texting someone and I asked her about it. She said it was Mr Smith and that she made plans to go visit him at school the next day to catch up. I was caught off guard by this but I figured it was fairly normal for students to visit past favorite teachers of theirs so I let it go. The next day though I noticed she got dressed up and put a lot of effort into her makeup before she drove over to the school to meet him. She was there for about an hour or two around lunchtime then came home and didn’t say much about it. This happened a few more times over the next few months. At first she was seeing him quite a bit, but then the visits became less and less frequent. Over this last weekend she brought up that she was going to have lunch with him again for the first time in a while. She got up early Tuesday morning to get ready and dressed up all nice, then she headed off to see him. This time she was gone much longer than usual (maybe 5 or so hours) and she seemed to be in an unusually good mood when she came home. I asked her how it went and all she said was that it was good and nice to catch up. Later that evening I caught a glimpse of a message on her phone from him that read “I had a really nice time with you today  ” Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems far from normal to me for a teacher to interact this way with an ex-student, not to mention how uncomfortable it makes me that my daughter is spending so much time (possibly alone together) with a man in his 40s.To top it off, today I realized that school got out at the end of May, so Ally couldn’t possibly have been visiting Mr Smith on campus. They must have gone out together or met up somewhere, which is beyond inappropriate in my opinion. I’ve met Mr. Smith once in the past and he came off as a good guy, but this seems borderline predatory to me and I feel that I should be concerned for my daughter’s physical and emotional well being. At the same time, legally speaking she is an adult so I don’t know if there’s much I can do or if I should even try to do anything about this. So how do you think I should go about handling this? Should I tell my daughter I don’t feel comfortable with her seeing him? Should I contact Mr. Smith and tell him to leave my daughter alone? Should I report this to the school? Should I just forget the whole thing? I’m at a loss as to what to do and I’ll take any advice I can get. I’m sorry for the long post, and thank you again for any help you can give me! TL;DR: My daughter has a close and somewhat unprofessional/inappropriate relationship with a former teacher of hers who is married and at least 20 years older than she is. She still visits him and gets dressed up to go out to lunch with him even though she graduated a year ago. Should I intervene since their relationship seems to have crossed the line or should I leave it alone since she’s an adult and no longer goes to the school? So much escalation in one short month! New Update] Should I be concerned about my daughter’s (18 F) relationship with her married teacher (40s M)? If you haven’t read my previous posts I’m pretty certain you can find them by looking on my profile. There’s quite a few so I’d rather not go to the trouble of attaching all of the links again, sorry for the inconvenience. I’ve been putting off writing this update for a while now and honestly debated whether or not I should ever post it. I can already foresee all of the hateful comments about my daughter and about my parenting that I will receive on this post, which I am not looking forward to. However, after considering those of you who have messaged me with your advice and good wishes as well as those of you who are still sending me messages asking for updates out of concern for my daughter, I’ve finally decided that I at least owe it to you to let you know what’s been happening these past couple of weeks. After my most recent post, I felt that my ex husband and I had settled on a solid plan on how to handle the relationship between my daughter and Mr. Smith. The thing is, my ex has always had a tendency to want to take matters into his own hands when a problem arises, even if we’ve already worked out a perfectly good solution together. Without first consulting with me, the day that I had planned to go to the district office my ex decided to call my daughter to tell her how much he disapproves of her relationship with Mr. Smith. On top of that, he explained to her that we essentially planned to break apart their relationship, and he then proceeded to tell her the basics of what we had planned for the week. I am still unclear as to how on earth he felt that disclosing all of this information to our daughter would be of any help in this situation, but sometimes he just has a mind of his own. I found out about this conversation from my daughter who confronted me about it and was of course extremely upset. She was previously unaware that I’d been communicating with her father about this issue the whole time, which made her feel like I betrayed her. She also felt that it was unfair for her father and I to more or less attempt to ruin Mr. Smith’s life without giving him a chance. I tried to talk things out with her but she decided she was done hearing me out and that she no longer trusted me with anything. Granted, SHE was the one who broke MY trust in the first place when her relationship with her former teacher first came to light, but I had been doing my absolute best to still keep her trust so that she would continue to communicate with me. Now that trust was gone and she refused to say a word to me, and she stormed out of the house in anger (I’m assuming) to go see Mr. Smith. After my daughter left I called my ex and expressed my frustration for how he’d handled things with her. He claimed that he felt the need to step in and talk to her because otherwise he felt like he wasn’t doing all he could to protect her. Obviously berating him for doing this behind my back wasn’t going to do much good at this point, so we moved on and discussed how we should now go about handling things. There was no way I would be able to convince my daughter to go on a mother-daughter bonding trip now, and quite honestly I was getting fed up with this attitude that she was beginning to get as if she was untouchable and her father and I had no say in anything. Yes, she is an adult, but she was still almost fully dependent on her father and I, so I felt she still needed to have a certain level or respect for our rules and wishes. Eventually my ex and I came to the conclusion that since she was living with me it was time to put my foot down and give her an ultimatum. My daughter came home later that evening and I told her we needed to have a talk. She started to object but I firmly told her it wasn’t up for debate. I sat her down and (as best as I can recall) said something along these lines to her, “I’m sure it’s already pretty clear that your father and I disapprove of your current relationship with Mr. Smith for many reasons, but mostly because we don’t think it’s a healthy relationship for you to be in. Now, since you are an adult, the natural belief is that there is not much we can or should do about it besides just express our concerns and let you make your own decisions from there. However, you can not expect us to treat you as an independent adult when you are still almost fully dependent on us. If you expect to be able to do whatever you want and be with whoever you please as an adult, then we also expect you to support yourself as an adult. Otherwise, you are living under my roof and are expected to follow my rules and respect my wishes. If you want to go against what your father and I are comfortable with and continue seeing Mr Smith then you will need to pay for your groceries, pay for your phone bill, pay for your car, and pay for your half of rent or otherwise move out.” Her response was simply “Fine, I’ll move out with Mr Smith.” I’m not really sure what I was expecting her to say, but I didn’t really see how she was going to go about doing that. I asked “What about his family?” to which she said “He already told his wife about us and they’re separating.” I of course found this hard to believe but figured there was no point in arguing with her about it since she believes anything and everything Mr Smith tells her without hesitation. I took her car keys then told her she could have her phone for the night but that we’d have her taken off our cellular plan in the morning. I figured she’d contact Mr Smith about going to live with him but that he’d make some excuse as to why she couldn’t and that would be that. The next morning my daughter came to me in a surprisingly neutral mood and asked how she was supposed to go run errands without her car. I told her that I could take her, then asked where she needed to go to which she answered “I need to get some moving boxes to pack my things before Mr Smith comes to pick me up in a few days.” I was extremely caught off guard and questioned her about it. She said he was more than happy for her to come stay with him and that he offered to come get her and her things at the end of the week. I didn’t really know how to react so I just told her I needed some time to get ready before I took her anywhere, then I closed myself in my room. I think I may have cried more that morning than I did when my ex and I decided to get a divorce. I know that may sound like an overreaction, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless before. And I know what I decided to do next may make me the worst parent in the world, but at that point I just gave in. She was going to find a way to be with this man whether I liked it or not, so fighting it was only going to make things harder on all of us. The rest of the week I just helped my daughter prepare for the move. I made it very clear that I didn’t agree with her decision but that I still love her and will be there for her unconditionally. Mr Smith came to get her on the 15th of June. He actually came up to the door and helped with the boxes, then made an attempt to talk with me while my daughter was carrying the last of her things out to his car. He apologized for how everything had transpired but said he wanted me to know how much he really cares for her. In all honesty, he seemed perfectly sincere, but I can’t help but feel disgusted by him even if he really is a good person deep down. All I could manage to say was, “I don’t have much to say to you. Just take care of my daughter.” Then my daughter came back in, we said goodbye, and then they left. My daughter is still living with him now. I don’t know much about their living situation or what goes on between them, and quite frankly I don’t really want to. I know that she’s safe and she seems happy as far as I can tell. She got her own phone plan set up so I message her every once in a while to make sure she’s doing okay, and she’s been pretty good about responding to me. I’ve only seen her once since she left. I took her out to lunch about a week ago and getting to see her helped to put my mind somewhat at ease. Conversation was a bit awkward and uncomfortable at times and neither of us seemed to want to address the elephant in the room, but it was good to see that she was okay. My ex on the other hand did not respond well to our daughter moving in with Mr Smith. He has refused to speak with her since. I don’t really agree with this, but at the end of the day it’s his choice how he wishes to handle his relationship with our daughter. I did eventually go to the district office to inform them of Mr Smith’s relationship with my daughter after she’d been moved in with him for a little, in case they had a policy against this. Apparently he’d already disclosed their relationship about a week prior, and since their relationship began after she graduated, the school board would not take any action on the matter. Apparently the school district has no rules against relationships between teachers and students post-graduation, but the woman I spoke with said that Mr Smith would be more closely monitored for extra precaution (though I don’t know if this will really be enforced). Obviously I’m not thrilled with how things ended up, and I was dreading making this post, but I do appreciate all of the support you all have given me these past few weeks. It’s made it much easier to cope with everything having your words of encouragement and your sharing of similar experiences. No matter what ends up happening, I have faith that my daughter will make it out of this okay, and I will be there to help her through the hard times no matter what.
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Jul 2, 2018 19:03
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loquacius posted:I'd bet good money that anyone who thinks it's a red flag to shop at Dollar Tree and not have an iPhone has never had to worry about money in their life I think the phone and the Dollar Tree (I shop there and I'm bougie trash) are the avatars for the greater worry that this guy isn't going to be a provider, and will instead be a source of instability and drain for their daughter who makes a preschool teacher's salary. If the guy had his degree and was working as an engineer, the frugality would just be a quirk. That's not what they've been presented, though.
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Jul 2, 2018 19:07
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Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:If this is out of character for the lady, and she hasn’t shown other significant signs of instability in the year they’ve been together, I’d be inclined to give her a pass. I can see how, for some people, moving into your first place with no parents, and no roommates, could be stressful. It could also be that she romanticized the whole “moving into her own place” thing, and he made it seem mundane by giving her ratchets and screwdrivers. 
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Jul 2, 2018 19:10
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