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Imagine four boots on the edge of a cliff. This thread works the same way.
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Jul 9, 2018 21:18
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I used to live in cheap on base housing in Hawaii. I left in February. I ordered a $150 Amazon gift card and it was shipped there by mistake. Mr/Mrs Enlisted.txt currently living there assumed it would be a great idea to open the envelope addressed to me and redeem the card. There are only a few extremely enlisted flaws with this plan. 1) I have the tracking number 2) I have their address 3) Housing knows they have lived there since the delivery date 4) Amazon has transaction records 5) Base cops are super loving bored. Hold on to your ankles, Current Resident.
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Jul 10, 2018 19:48
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Love 2 tamper with the mail
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Jul 10, 2018 19:50
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mods change my name posted:Love 2 tamper with the mail Isn't mail fraud automatic felony territory? Like the military justice system won't even get a chance to deep dick these fucksticks?
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Jul 10, 2018 20:23
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yeah might not be a bad idea to contact the postal investigators at USPS
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Jul 10, 2018 20:29
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Laranzu posted:5) Base cops are super loving bored. Yes but they're also probably bad at their jobs and/or lazy so maybe mail thief is safe
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Jul 10, 2018 20:32
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"It was in my mailbox so I didn't even look at the address on the envelope. So when I saw there was a gift card inside, I thought it was my mom! I didn't know!" I mean, I hope they get turbofucked for this, but on the other hand the above is a possibility (either being true or as a plausible excuse they manage to craft together).
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Jul 10, 2018 20:32
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Laranzu posted:I used to live in cheap on base housing in Hawaii. I left in February. I ordered a $150 Amazon gift card and it was shipped there by mistake. When I was in Nuke A school in Orlando (1990), I shared a mailbox with a few guys. Got (failed) out and transferred to OS A school in Dam Neck around March. My IRS tax check was then mailed to the the mailbox in Orlando. After awhile I had not received it, so did an inquiry to the IRS. They sent back a copy of the signed and cashed check in my name payable to one of the other guys sharing the mailbox. He signed it, misspelling my name, and wrote "Payable to XXX", and cashed it. I took those copies to the base NCIS guys who promised to take care of it. Never did hear what happened but I am pretty sure that IRS theft/mail fraud counts as a black mark on your naval career. canyoneer posted:Yes but they're also probably bad at their jobs and/or lazy so maybe mail thief is safe Trust me they were loving excited to do something other than dumb, drunk underaged idiot issues. Meydey fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Jul 10, 2018 |
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Jul 10, 2018 20:36
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The US Postal Inspectors are the most fearsome of all federal LEOs precisely because they have such a huge chip on their shoulder about "lol, the mail police  ".
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Jul 10, 2018 20:49
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Meydey posted:When I was in Nuke A school in Orlando (1990), I shared a mailbox with a few guys. Got (failed) out and transferred to OS A school in Dam Neck around March. My IRS tax check was then mailed to the the mailbox in Orlando. After awhile I had not received it, so did an inquiry to the IRS. They sent back a copy of the signed and cashed check in my name payable to one of the other guys sharing the mailbox. He signed it, misspelling my name, and wrote "Payable to XXX", and cashed it. I took those copies to the base NCIS guys who promised to take care of it. Never did hear what happened but I am pretty sure that IRS theft/mail fraud counts as a black mark on your naval career. Did you get your check back at least?
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Jul 10, 2018 20:55
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shame on an IGA posted:The US Postal Inspectors are the most fearsome of all federal LEOs precisely because they have such a huge chip on their shoulder about "lol, the mail police no fury like a federal lawman scorned
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Jul 10, 2018 20:56
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Bullshit. They are a bunch of punk bitches who refuse to investigate themselves and have no problems with their employees stealing from sailors. I had my laptop and iPad shipped to myself and they mysteriously went missing while at a transit station. After I reported the missing package and where it had been on the shipping website I got a response 2 weeks later. They sent me me a plastic bag with just my packaging and a “some of your stuff has shifted in transit”. Yeah no poo poo it did because someone razored opened the box and took all my stuff. The USPS refused to pay up on the insurance they sold me for since I couldn’t supply receipts of the computer or iPad. They didn’t ask for them at the point of sale so why the gently caress would I need them after? I pointed out I had shipped 10lbs and received 0 after tare and they said it could have been rocks. They finally settled on 1/3 of the insurance after a local news station ran a piece on it. gently caress the USPS. Navy JAG was like all “lol gov shoulda done UPS”.
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Jul 10, 2018 21:01
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mods change my name posted:yeah might not be a bad idea to contact the postal investigators at USPS Would have gone this route first but it was FedExed =/ And I just ordered another to my real address in order to get pictures of the mailing pouch to show how blatantly it is addressed.
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Jul 10, 2018 21:39
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my kinda ape posted:Did you get your check back at least? It too a few months but yes. I think it was only about $300. Then I did something almost as stupid and got to talk to the same guys in a different light. Awkward. Meydey fucked around with this message at 22:05 on Jul 10, 2018 |
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Jul 10, 2018 22:03
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Base cops who are going to handle go to mad schools about this kind of poo poo, it's not going to be investigated by the gate guards. Combine that with how easy it is get a court martial or federal court conviction, they're hosed.
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Jul 11, 2018 00:36
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I’m enjoying mail fraud chat and while I don’t have any mail related stories I do have a few from 8 years 4 months and 26 days in the worlds greatest Air Force. I’ve probably told at least a couple of these before on this sub forum if not this very thread but whatever I’ll try and make my way down the list unless you guys tell me to stop. Let me know what you want to hear first and I’ll write it up when I wake up since I’m doing nothing better with my time than waiting for school to start. ~Kyrgyzstan~ (It’s been awhile and I’ve mostly tried to block this part of my life out) “Yeah he sexually harassed a TON of people” A very African Thanksgiving The time we went on a safari gently caress the U.N (short) Vive La France “SHUT UP I’M IN CHARGE!” “THAT’S HITLER MATH!” (I’m the idiot) The really bad no good horrible roomate (not a voting option I’ll get to this one on my own time) A good number of these also probably have pictures and video and poo poo if I can find them. Cenen fucked around with this message at 09:28 on Jul 11, 2018 |
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Jul 11, 2018 09:25
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Do the france one first, then african thxgiving
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Jul 11, 2018 09:37
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Do them all!
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Jul 11, 2018 09:56
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I want them all, but African Thanksgiving sounds great
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Jul 11, 2018 11:55
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I love hearing dysfunctional UN stories, I'm trying to get my GF's uncle who led a UN mission in Africa to open up with some stories but he's typical stiff upper lip British so it's taking some time and good scotch.
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Jul 11, 2018 12:53
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If you haven't read Dallaire's book you should. That counts for everyone. E: also DutchBat
evil_bunnY fucked around with this message at 13:27 on Jul 11, 2018 |
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Jul 11, 2018 13:23
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Kyrgyzstan, best Central asaian country
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Jul 11, 2018 13:46
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evil_bunnY posted:If you haven't read Dallaire's book you should. That counts for everyone. E: also DutchBat If you want to be incredibly depressed yes, read Shake Hands with the Devil. There was a shitposter in the CanPol megathread who had the uncanny ability to rile me the gently caress up by calling Dallaire General Poopypants or something equally childish. Worked every goddamn time.
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Jul 11, 2018 14:25
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Was in an office today to fix some poo poo. Some youngish airman comes in and starts reading the UCMJ articles about insubordination towards an NCO, then they made him read the one about assault, then one about dereliction of duty. Then they sent him out the door with directions to go and copy down some more articles. While he was gone they started talking about whether or not they could take his dec away. As we were leaving we saw him in another office with a bunch of SNCOs making angry faces at him. I'd really like to get the low down on what he did.
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Jul 11, 2018 15:13
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Casimir Radon posted:Was in an office today to fix some poo poo. Some youngish airman comes in and starts reading the UCMJ articles about insubordination towards an NCO, then they made him read the one about assault, then one about dereliction of duty. Then they sent him out the door with directions to go and copy down some more articles. While he was gone they started talking about whether or not they could take his dec away. As we were leaving we saw him in another office with a bunch of SNCOs making angry faces at him. I'd really like to get the low down on what he did. Spilled someone's coffee, refused to clean it up, then told a sergeant to "RUMBLE ME PUSSY".
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Jul 11, 2018 15:14
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Viva Miriya posted:Spilled someone's coffee, refused to clean it up, then told a sergeant to "RUMBLE ME PUSSY". Maybe he just called the sergeant Josh
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Jul 11, 2018 16:22
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Casimir Radon posted:Was in an office today to fix some poo poo. Some youngish airman comes in and starts reading the UCMJ articles about insubordination towards an NCO, then they made him read the one about assault, then one about dereliction of duty. Then they sent him out the door with directions to go and copy down some more articles. While he was gone they started talking about whether or not they could take his dec away. As we were leaving we saw him in another office with a bunch of SNCOs making angry faces at him. I'd really like to get the low down on what he did.  Man, I was a fuckup airman, but I never hosed up that bad.
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Jul 11, 2018 16:46
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Oh yeah. The other thing they were debating was whether or not you could be insubordinate to an NCO if you didn't know they were an NCO. I was in and out of the office so I missed some of it.
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Jul 11, 2018 16:54
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We had a few of the bigger cities set as Off Limits to enlisted in Okinawa back in `99 cause there were a bunch of fights between Marines and Airmen, or Marines and Okinawans. Or Marines and Marines. Most of the enlisted just ignored it, so 2nd Lts started walking around looking for Marines. Of course most of them were only on the Rock for a few months so they barely even know the junior enlisted of their own units. Some officer come running up to you, you just went "I dunno who the gently caress you are but i'm here on vacation, leave me alone." For the most part, this worked. Until the 2nd Lts started walking around with camcorders. Then they'd have a bunch of other junior enlisted watch the tapes to find Marines, which they would then compare to the lovely black and white photocopies of all the Marines stationed there's IDs. Even if LCpl Dickbag recognized someone, they usually didn't report it. Finally the officers realized this was probably not the greatest of plans, so the Lts started watching the tapes, meaning they were out of everyone's hair for most of the day, since they were running around Naha from 1am to 5am, then watching 4 hours of tapes. A whole bunch of Marines caught NJPs once the officers started actually looking at the tapes. Then some guy got the bright idea to walk around wearing masks and starting the whole "i'm on vacation" thing again. I was discharged at about this time so I never heard what came after.
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Jul 11, 2018 17:07
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Casimir Radon posted:Oh yeah. The other thing they were debating was whether or not you could be insubordinate to an NCO if you didn't know they were an NCO. I was in and out of the office so I missed some of it. I just found it easier to assume and treat everyone respectfully, just in case I was talking to an NCO. It helps that while I was active duty, I was also doing IT contracting on the side during my off hours and my command knew about it, so it was just easy to....act professional all the time
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Jul 11, 2018 17:25
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CommieGIR posted:
If it was Army, thats just missing formation.
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Jul 11, 2018 17:39
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Alright African Thanksgiving won the first round which I’m kind of thankful for since it’s easily one of the more focused stories obviously covering one day. So apparently not a lot was going on in Niger when we got there so the Mobile Field Surgical Team with Extended Cricitcal Care Team (MFST-ECCT(MFST(RIP))) we are considered shiny, sexy, and cool. We are also assumed to be mature since the team is mostly comprised of specialized Drs, but we all know what happens when you assume. The ambassador who usually held a Thanksgiving party was smart enough to say gently caress this and leave the country for it that year which left the deputy amabassador to pick up the slack. He put it out through some federal employees in Niger network that a bunch of people were invited to come to his house for a pot luck and the MFST was picked to be part of the base’s delegation. Other people from the base who were going were the SEABEES and most importantly the reason we were there and our overwatch, the Green Berets. The morning of we all pile in to our vehicles and drive across town to the deputy ambassadors house. Despite having multiple Majors and an LTC in the group the base delegation is led by the ODA XO a Captain and he coordinates our getting there and and getting in. The deputy ambassador has about as nice a house as you can generally get in Niger and has a decent spread of food considering this thing is a pot luck being held in the literal poorest country in the world so you’re essentially eating green bean casserole made with ingredients bought on the economy and cooked by Johnny CIA. There was also an open self served bar which was really just a few bottles of what seemed to be the deputy ambassador’s personal stash but no one planned on getting drunk and causing a ruckus at such a high profile event. The first thing I kind of notice was that when it came time to find a seat for the meal that I ended up having to take a seat at the deputy ambassador’s table table which I thought was weird since I figured all the high ups would be trying to rub elbows with him. Turns out in the big picture the deputy ambassador to Niger is a nobody and is boring as all gently caress and the kind of people who willingly sat next to him were the same. My favorite was the white guy who had lived in Africa forever and talked about how much he loved it’s rustic charms and how good he got at cooking rice and beans while his native wife sat there rolling her eyes and dreaming about how she should have been swept away and taken to America. Finally the meal ends and my belly is full of ham and the one drink I had to calm my nerves I make my back to our cars when one of our Drs asked me If I was going to the after party? I was confused and told him I hadn’t been told or invited to an after party and he kind of chuckled and said I’d been invited. I asked who was going and where and he said most of the people who had come from the base minus most of the MFST and it was going to be at the Defense Attaché’s house on the other side of town and that much like getting here the after party group would be lead by the ODA XO. I tell him I’ll head out with the after party group and he just kind of snickers while he shakes his head and gets in a vehicle going back to base. Hind sight being 20/20 I really should have taken into the consideration the ages and maturity levels of the people going back to base and the people going to the after party. So the after party wasn’t until later on that night and the official party had ended early afternoon so we head over to what was best described and was generally referred to as the special forces mansion. Some international coalition of spooks had an honest to God mansion compound in the city that was built next to literal stick huts with people bathing out of buckets on their front lawns (piece of sandblasted hellscape). It was near and the Defense Attaché’s house and had beer, a big screen, grass and a pool and we’d had fun there before so we head over and start pre gaming. Finally after a few hours of drinking just about everyone in the group has a decent buzz on is when we learn that normally the Defense Attaché normally hosts a big thanksgiving spread for a ton of people to run concurrent with the Ambassador but much like the amabassador that year he said gently caress it and went home and thus it was left to the deputy Defense Attaché to host. This explained why it was happening later at night since instead of doing an actual thanksgiving meal it was more of a hors d'oeuvres, drinks and watch football with a smaller group kind of thing. One of the few people sober in this group is our driver from the ODA but since we are leaving our getting back to base vehicle at the mansion he isn’t driving. The vehicle taking us to the after party was an extended cab truck with the cover on that belonged to the mansion and had bench seating installed. We all pile into the back of this thing beers in hand while our driver who was from the mansion and who had been drinking and still had a beer in his hand climbs into the drivers seat. He proceeds to place some straight of 2006 screamo CD into the player, jack the volume up and we begin our journey by tearing rear end down these unpaved roads in a residential neighborhood. We’re literally doing donuts on “lawns” while the Africans gaze on in pure confusion as a bunch of drunk Americans are hanging out of windows swinging bottles of bud around while this truck is blasting screamo and tearing up their little chunk of desert. We finally making it to the deputy defense attaché’s house and it’s pretty nice most most importantly the guy seems actually kind of cool and he has a ton of alcohol out for us. The next couple of hours are actually kind of uneventful it was just a lot of snacking, drinking and football watching but I did notice even through my own haze that the ODA XO the guy who was obstenibly in responsible for us was wasted and easily the drunkest out of all of us. Eventual the after party starts to wrap up and we head back to the special forces mansion. We party inside for a little bit but it’s starting to become obvious that we are starting to wear out our welcome with some of the older folks in the mansion so we take a bottle of Johnny Walker and take the party outside into the pool. Eventually though the NCOIC of the mansion comes out and mentions that it’s kind of getting late and that we can stay and hang out but that the people inside the mansion are trying to sleep and that the locals have school in the morning. “YOU KNOW THE MUSLIMS AREN’T GOING TO SCHOOL!” belts out the absolutely wasted XO. The NCOIC who was obviously just as stunned as we are now tries to tell him that he’s not telling us to stop just to be a little quieter. This leads to the XO handing him the bottle of Johnny Walker and telling him to relax. There goes our bottle. After having the bottle taken away the XO begins to yell “IT’S A SAD DAY IN HISTORY MAN...IT’S A SAD DAY IN HISTORY WHEN YOU SHUT THIS PARTY DOEN MAAAAN!” at the NOIC which leads him to tell the XO that if he doesn’t quite down he’ll get the commander of the mansion to kick him out. Big mistake. “YOU WANT TO SETTLE THIS WITH RANK OR YOU WANT TO SETTLE THIS LIKE GREEN BERETS” and “YOU AND ME BEHIND THE HOUSE NOW!” are loudly shouted at the NOIC who is now getting upset and seems about ready to take him up on the offer. Mind you this is all going on in front of some SEABEES, other ODA members and a small part of the MFST one of whom is a major and are all still floating in the pool watching this drunken poo poo show. Finally the major major in her bra and panties steps up and gets between them and declares that she is a major and that she is ordering the captain to go inside with her and the NOIC and for everyone else to go back to base. Now mind you we showed up in two vehicles but only had one driver sober driver at this point anyway so we all cram into this small crossover kind of thing with people sitting in the in the trunk it’s so full and start off back to base. Our driver had been down and driven the route from special forces mansion to base before a few times but had apparently never done it at night. Fun fact about Niamey that dump has about 5 paved roads and just as many street lights and and signs. We get lost. We get really lost. We are now past curfew most of the vehicle drunk as gently caress as our driver takes us from one end of Niamey to the other. We drive trough a burst sewage pipe spewing poo poo out onto the street, we hit every speed bump that they for some reason place on their main streets without any sort of paint or sign doing like 45 and we st one point end up in the ghetto of a city that is itself essentially a giant ghetto. Meanwhile I’m sitting in a trunk with some drunk goofy rear end SEABEE guy while he gives their kind of hot O-2ish commmander a back massage wondering how I got into this. We finally get so lost we give up and stop at some super sketchy gas staion that had a security guard in a riot control helmet and truncheon that looked older than me for directions. They don’t speak English and we don’t speak whatever the gently caress they do so this culminates in the drunk goofy SEABEE pantaming an airplane with his arms outstretched making some broooom noise. The security guard and cashier point in two completely opposite directions. gently caress. “Do they even know what an airport is” was a question that was bandied about at this point but we say gently caress and and follow he cashiers advice the best we could. Que us rolling onto base at about 0100. I am highly buzzed, I am wet, I am tired and I am still a little scared. Our sleeping arrangement was 8 people in one Alaska shelter with a plywood wall built by the SEABEES with the women having the larger side since it was 5/3. I walk in and the Dr who had told me about the after party kind of looks up then just rolls back over and I pretty much fall into my bed and pass out. I wake up the next morning and he’s sitting in his bed which is about 3 feet away from mine starring and he just calmly asks how last night was and I respond that it was a shot show show and he nods in agreement. I ask if he’s upset and he responds that he wasn’t upset with me at all and that my name never came up in anything so it wasn’t an issue he had to deal with. He asks if if figured out why some people didn’t go and why some did and that’s when it all started making sense that the older and more mature people saw this coming from a mile away. I told him I learned my lesson from this and he nodded again and we got some breakfast. I totally didn’t learn my lesson and I would later go to another special operations capable after party and that’s where Hitler math was formulated. Edit: Give me a few to dig up and add some pics. Deputy ambassador house: https://i.imgur.com/Oc4nOln.jpg The meal: https://i.imgur.com/l1qj6Zn.jpg The man himself! (The guy next to him was the weird Africa and how great it was goober): https://i.imgur.com/aZ7MsDV.jpg The after party with a view of bra/panty Major and a drunk SEABEE: https://i.imgur.com/WYxOvnV.jpg After party food: https://i.imgur.com/PDS4eSU.jpg Sketchy gas station: https://i.imgur.com/kZvVDpM.jpg Cenen fucked around with this message at 18:40 on Jul 11, 2018 |
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Jul 11, 2018 17:46
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Was the bra and panty major hot?
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Jul 11, 2018 17:59
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LingcodKilla posted:Was the bra and panty major hot? Yes very, she had been a gymnast most of her life and worked out a ton. She eventually ordered a bikini off of amazon since we would eventually go back to the pool sans XO and it was a million times better view than bra and panties. Also the bikini was closer to the end and there was nothing to do but work out there so she was even more toned and she showed up tan to begin with.
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Jul 11, 2018 18:03
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Cenen posted:They don’t speak English and we don’t speak whatever the gently caress they do so this culminates in the drunk goofy SEABEE pantaming an airplane with his arms outstretched making some broooom noise. It doesn't happen very often, but things like this make me loving proud to be a part of the Seabees
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Jul 11, 2018 20:34
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Why would 2LTs be sent out looking for junior enlisted in town? And why would they put any effort into it if they were? I'd just be like "hey sir I can't find any" as a group of drunk guys with military hair cuts starts fighting right in front of me.
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Jul 11, 2018 20:40
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Mustang posted:Why would 2LTs be sent out looking for junior enlisted in town? And why would they put any effort into it if they were? Have you met many Marines? poo poo man, officers like my old PC would join the fight, assuming they weren't the ones instigating it. Putting them on shore patrol stops exactly as many young Marine officers as are on shore patrol from being on the next days blotter.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:01
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Because butterbars love chickenshit. They were super gung ho about it. The COMGEN was pissed about people smashing up Okinawan bars, and this was right after like 5 rape cases hit the newspapers so he wanted Something Done. I'm guessing they figured they couldn't send the SGTs cause they'd just do what you suggested or join in. Edit: Hell, one of the maintenance SGTs in my shop had been busted down to private 6 times. Made SGT 6 times. He had 7 promotion patents on his wall for every single rank up to SGT. Right as I was leaving he finally got SSGT. I hear he lost it 6 months later.
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Jul 11, 2018 21:02
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Mustang posted:Why would 2LTs be sent out looking for junior enlisted in town? And why would they put any effort into it if they were? Remember that gigantic moto boner you had for the Army eighteen months ago before it crushed you?
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Jul 11, 2018 21:05
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Mustang posted:Why would 2LTs be sent out looking for junior enlisted in town? And why would they put any effort into it if they were? Holy poo poo you really have become that comic
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Jul 11, 2018 21:18
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