Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

"Small minds talk about people,
Average minds talk about events,
Great minds talk about ideas"

let's talk about IDEAS!

personally, I'm for them.

# ? Jun 30, 2018 01:35

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# ? May 24, 2024 16:03

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Ken, the youth pastor, "I guess you could say I'm thirsty for the Lord."

# ? Jul 1, 2018 02:39

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Ken starts a metal band called Gog and Magog.

# ? Jul 1, 2018 02:40

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

To report a fire, send a self-addressed envelope to Ouch Hot at 12 Cinder Street, Burnsville, USA

Or, fax us at (617) OUCH-HOT

# ? Jul 1, 2018 05:33

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Trying to intimidate a foe by making eye contact and jiggling my belly at them

# ? Jul 2, 2018 22:52

Scaly Haylie

Kthulhu5000 posted:

A Navy SEAL is a highly trained commando. As such, candidates trying to become one are made to undergo rigorous tests of their mental and physical endurance in order to prove their mettle. Crawling through mud, pushups in the pouring rain, freefalling into the ocean, and so forth. But even those who make it through all of that aren't yet good enough to be SEALs, not until they pass the final test: the "mayonnaise grenade". It's pretty straightforward; candidates get on their knees and root around inside of a ten gallon tub of mayonnaise for a dummy grenade and its pin, and then put the two together.

It sounds like a pretty trivial and goofy exercise, but it breaks sixty percent of SEAL trainees who attempt it.

broad thread concept: double dare physical challenges as a normal part of society

# ? Jul 2, 2018 23:41

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Ken, the youth pastor, "I guess you could say I'm thirsty for the Lord."

Meeting Leader: Is there anyone here who would like to come up here and say something?

Ken the youth pastor: Hi, my name is Ken and I'm thirsty for the Lord!

AA Meeting members: That's not a drinking problem!

Ken the youth pastor: I totally read that pamphlet wrong...

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jul 2, 2018 23:41

DavidAlltheTime: All David...all the TIME!

Ken the Youth Pastor sez:

"Bottom's Up!"

# ? Jul 2, 2018 23:59

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

you ever get so drunk that you and your bro swap dicks

# ? Jul 4, 2018 10:08

Twenty Four

The laughterburner, like an afterburner for jet engines, but for jokes.

# ? Jul 4, 2018 20:52

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

We switch now to a scene. From above, we see a green station wagon, driving northbound along Interstate 25 out of Casper, Wyoming. After some time, we see the station wagon pull off the highway and onto an unpaved dirt road heading up an anonymous mountain, trying and mostly failing to avoid hitting the severe ruts and dips in the road. It bounces up and down, gaining elevation and getting farther and farther from settled civilization.

Finally, we see the station wagon pull into a clearing amidst some pine trees, and then park in front of a ramshackle mobile, bristling with antennas and satellite dishes. Chickens run around the property, seemingly pecking at the ground like normal fowl, and yet there's a certain cunning, reptilian malice in their eyes. The mobile home's exterior has been spraypainted a matte black, and sheets of roughly cut burlap hang in the windows.

The doors of the station wagon open, and the passengers exit. We see four passengers in total: an older husband-and-wife couple, a young woman with a wedding ring on her finger, and her presumed fiance or husband, a young man with a face set somewhere between the sneer of a childhood bully and the rare young adult's remorse at being a childhood bully. The younger couple in the quartet walk up the door of the trailer and push it open, followed by the older couple.

Inside, the mobile home is dimly lit, illuminated only by dirty sunlight poking through holes in the burlap covering the windows. A dish tub sits on a counter next to a sink with no installed faucet, containing a small pile of unwashed silverware and tin dishes coated in blue enamel. One side of the home's interior is covered in a vivid mosaic of weird posters and sheets of newspaper. The latter have seemingly random red circles drawn all over them.

The older woman looks intently at these, quickly seeing the true purpose of the circles. Each circle is around similar word such as 'wunderkind', 'prodigy', 'genius'. On the opposite wall is a shelf of uniformly sized small jars, containing a mix of a dark liquid (presumably coffee) and what appear to be cigarette butts. Each jar has a masking tape label on it, with a date range neatly inscribed upon it in pencil. The dates go back at least five years, possibly more.

The quartet move towards the back of the mobile home, to the door of the bedroom. The older man, with the authoritative bearing of a former law enforcement officer, beckons to the rest of the group to stand back. He then opens the door. In one corner is a twin bed, neatly made. Beside it is a box of yellowed, almost vintage tractor-feed paper from a computer printer. Each sheet has text on it, with more circles (in red, but also blue, green, purple, and yellow) and lines crisscrossing the sheets and linking one circle to another.

In another corner is a military surplus parachute, bunched up in layers to fit within the small confines of the bedroom. Beneath it, the couples can see a kind of frantic movement happening. The young woman fearlessly throws caution to the winds and strides over the parachute, grabbing it with both hands and flinging it off onto the bed. This action reveals the source of the movement beneath the parachute: an unshaven, gaunt young man sitting on the ground, eyes red with a weird mania, his head shaved with a thin layer of new stubble on top of it, and wearing nothing but denim cut-off shorts.

Beside him is an antique laptop, it's screen flashing in alternating text and background colors of red and white: "BILDERBERG GENOCIDE DINOSAUR", in capital letters. The young woman walks forward. Her male companion reaches out and grabs her shoulder, as if to stop her, but she quickly turns around and takes it off. "Bugs, no. I can do this. I have to.", she quietly says, and then kneels in front of the strange young man.

She then speaks to him. "Oh, Encyclopedia Brown," she asks in a sorrowful voice, "what did that website do to you?".

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# ? Jul 4, 2018 21:01

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

ShortStack posted:

hold on: a black metal tribute to wilson philips

a black metal tribute to wilson pickett

# ? Jul 5, 2018 01:31

ShortStack: tinystax

you arrive in hell's waiting room. the five headed goat seated at the reception desk tells you to take a number and have a seat. uncle kracker's follow me is playing on repeat. your number is never called.

# ? Jul 5, 2018 13:53

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

ShortStack posted:

you arrive in hell's waiting room. the five headed goat seated at the reception desk tells you to take a number and have a seat. uncle kracker's follow me is playing on repeat. your number is never called.

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jul 5, 2018 15:12

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

An explicitly mediocre company. Medio: This is all you're worth

# ? Jul 5, 2018 20:23

alnilam

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

An explicitly mediocre company. Medio: This is all you're worth

sephiroth mis-hears and sues for trademark infringement

# ? Jul 5, 2018 21:08

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Rover Cleveland Brand Dog Treats.

# ? Jul 5, 2018 22:20

ShortStack: tinystax

rocky mountain high: a reggae tribute to john denver

vanisher made my sig and it's super cool thanks v

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:06

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

little boy, i have some candy in my van...

no thanks, i just had Lucky Charms*(TM)

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# ? Jul 9, 2018 17:09

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Sent home from work, because I kept calling the accountants "Money Nerds" and farting at them.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 20:51

Papa Was A Video Toaster

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Sent home from work, because I kept calling the accountants "Money Nerds" and farting at them.

Fight the good fight, SBT

# ? Jul 10, 2018 00:09

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

Kthulhu5000 posted:

We switch now to a scene. From above, we see a green station wagon, driving northbound along Interstate 25 out of Casper, Wyoming. After some time, we see the station wagon pull off the highway and onto an unpaved dirt road heading up an anonymous mountain, trying and mostly failing to avoid hitting the severe ruts and dips in the road. It bounces up and down, gaining elevation and getting farther and farther from settled civilization.

Finally, we see the station wagon pull into a clearing amidst some pine trees, and then park in front of a ramshackle mobile, bristling with antennas and satellite dishes. Chickens run around the property, seemingly pecking at the ground like normal fowl, and yet there's a certain cunning, reptilian malice in their eyes. The mobile home's exterior has been spraypainted a matte black, and sheets of roughly cut burlap hang in the windows.

The doors of the station wagon open, and the passengers exit. We see four passengers in total: an older husband-and-wife couple, a young woman with a wedding ring on her finger, and her presumed fiance or husband, a young man with a face set somewhere between the sneer of a childhood bully and the rare young adult's remorse at being a childhood bully. The younger couple in the quartet walk up the door of the trailer and push it open, followed by the older couple.

Inside, the mobile home is dimly lit, illuminated only by dirty sunlight poking through holes in the burlap covering the windows. A dish tub sits on a counter next to a sink with no installed faucet, containing a small pile of unwashed silverware and tin dishes coated in blue enamel. One side of the home's interior is covered in a vivid mosaic of weird posters and sheets of newspaper. The latter have seemingly random red circles drawn all over them.

The older woman looks intently at these, quickly seeing the true purpose of the circles. Each circle is around similar word such as 'wunderkind', 'prodigy', 'genius'. On the opposite wall is a shelf of uniformly sized small jars, containing a mix of a dark liquid (presumably coffee) and what appear to be cigarette butts. Each jar has a masking tape label on it, with a date range neatly inscribed upon it in pencil. The dates go back at least five years, possibly more.

The quartet move towards the back of the mobile home, to the door of the bedroom. The older man, with the authoritative bearing of a former law enforcement officer, beckons to the rest of the group to stand back. He then opens the door. In one corner is a twin bed, neatly made. Beside it is a box of yellowed, almost vintage tractor-feed paper from a computer printer. Each sheet has text on it, with more circles (in red, but also blue, green, purple, and yellow) and lines crisscrossing the sheets and linking one circle to another.

In another corner is a military surplus parachute, bunched up in layers to fit within the small confines of the bedroom. Beneath it, the couples can see a kind of frantic movement happening. The young woman fearlessly throws caution to the winds and strides over the parachute, grabbing it with both hands and flinging it off onto the bed. This action reveals the source of the movement beneath the parachute: an unshaven, gaunt young man sitting on the ground, eyes red with a weird mania, his head shaved with a thin layer of new stubble on top of it, and wearing nothing but denim cut-off shorts.

Beside him is an antique laptop, it's screen flashing in alternating text and background colors of red and white: "BILDERBERG GENOCIDE DINOSAUR", in capital letters. The young woman walks forward. Her male companion reaches out and grabs her shoulder, as if to stop her, but she quickly turns around and takes it off. "Bugs, no. I can do this. I have to.", she quietly says, and then kneels in front of the strange young man.

She then speaks to him. "Oh, Encyclopedia Brown," she asks in a sorrowful voice, "what did that website do to you?".

# ? Jul 10, 2018 00:20

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

alnilam posted:

those soap opera gossip mags but about classic lit

Big Whale Reveal

Are Hamlet and Ophelia Through?

AMANTILLADO SHOCKER

i would buy that

funmanguy posted:

A long faced horse walks into a bar.... wait, gently caress.

What's brown and shaped like a stick? Oh god damnit

i actually once said this out loud to my buddy:
"Spell I C U P out loud"

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# ? Jul 10, 2018 00:41

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

speak softly and carry a hornet nest

ask not what your library can do for you, but what you can do for your library

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# ? Jul 10, 2018 04:40

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

a job to get beat up, like going into a club and bothering a rich guy so he can have his bodyguards knock you about for their fun and to show off how rich he is to club girls

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# ? Jul 10, 2018 04:42

TheShrike: You mechs may have copper wiring to re-route your fear of pain, but I've got nerves of steel.

a show like "what would you do?" except instead of controversial topics its just regular life stuff.

episode 1: coworker goes out to lunch without you, what would you do?
episode 2: the wifi goes out at the starbucks, what would you do?
episode 3: the traffic light get stuck on red, what would you do?

# ? Jul 10, 2018 13:01

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Kontradaz posted:

a show like "what would you do?" except instead of controversial topics its just regular life stuff.

episode 1: coworker goes out to lunch without you, what would you do?
episode 2: the wifi goes out at the starbucks, what would you do?
episode 3: the traffic light get stuck on red, what would you do?

You're full, but there's only a tablespoon of peanut butter left in the jar. What do you do?

# ? Jul 10, 2018 14:35

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

A coworker's wedding shower is scheduled at the same time as another coworker's baby shower... also you secretly don't want to go to either. WHAT DO YOU DO?

edit: Also you haven't showered

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jul 10, 2018 14:57

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

Jolo posted:

A line of snorkels endorsed by Jaleel White

did i scuba that?

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# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:08

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

I think the joke I was making there is it'd be called the Snurkel. Maybe?

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:27

The X-man cometh

Both are funny!

# ? Jul 10, 2018 20:29

Twenty Four

Alcoholic meat. And I don't mean some bacon garnish on your garbage-tini or whatever. Like a delicious porterhouse that will get you wasted.

# ? Jul 11, 2018 23:30

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

weed meat

this baked ham will git u baked!

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# ? Jul 12, 2018 00:17

DavidAlltheTime: All David...all the TIME!

Forget rum ham, it's time for Gin Chicken! Gin Chicken: the Chicken with GIN.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 07:24

Twenty Four

Moonshine possum? Vodka some type of something that can resemble chicken? I don't even know! I'm down but I want a bourbon ribeye that leaves me satisfied in more ways then one! And not cooked with, but all in!

# ? Jul 12, 2018 15:24

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

i don't want beer-basted, I want beer-filled!

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# ? Jul 12, 2018 16:23

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Whole grain bread?
Nah.
Make mine straight grain bread - 190 proof.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 19:11

alnilam

purestrain bread :shepface:

# ? Jul 12, 2018 19:25

The X-man cometh

Liquor-filled chocolates but beer-filled bratwurst instead.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 22:58

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# ? May 24, 2024 16:03

Cymbal Monkey: Lift Your Little Paws Like Antennas to Heaven!

alnilam posted:

purestrain bread

I'm here for this.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 06:07

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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