/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I honestly don't think I'd be willing to take any action about noise that I made intentionally no matter what the complaint was. That's pretty selfish or something but I think making noise is something humans do and if you don't want to be near noise, don't be near humans.

In that case I think it's best for everyone if you're the one who isn't near humans.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:02

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

ADHD haver here, confirming that it does not make you cackle at cartoons, it just makes you zone out when people lecture you about how loud your cartoon cackle is

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:04

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

My new upstairs neighbors make an ungodly amount of noise stomping around all hours of the day and dropping poo poo on the floor in the middle of the night. I was mad about it for a couple days because it kept waking me up but I just got a white noise machine instead.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:04

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I am also never really listening when people talk to me at length about their sex lives because I'm already planning out my word choice to use when I talk to them at length about mine

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:05

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

loving a sheep on the front lawn while the neighbor lady looks on sadly, Dupuytren's is a terrible condition

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:07

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

It depends on what the noise is, too. We had noisy rear end neighbors in our last house that played music so loud it rattled through our feet even though this was a house, not an apartment, and we were separated by a yard. It blasted through our fan AND air purifiers run on max. They played music till 3AM or later. My (kinder than me) BF didn't want me to storm over to them and make a racket, so I just kept calling the cops anonymously. Before we moved away the dipshit's relatives were straight up parking in our driveway before listening to their terrible music while drinking beer outside like a trashy Hispanic version of King of the Hill.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:09

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

extra row of teeth posted:

drinking beer outside

Should I not be doing that? :ohdear:

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:11

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Subjunctive posted:

Should I not be doing that?

Not while standing in your front yard next to the truck you parked halfway on my property that's blasting music loud enough to shake the block, no.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:13

a peck of pickled peckers: Aug 3, 2014; I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

loquacius posted:

ADHD haver here, confirming that it does not make you cackle at cartoons, it just makes you zone out when people lecture you about how loud your cartoon cackle is

just popping in to say that I only stop cackling at my full-volume anime foot fetish porn movies so I can periodically snort rails of Adderall

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:17

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Grown rear end man with adhd and cerebral palsy who cackles at looney tunes has enough of a sex life to share with his neighbors. I can respect that in a way.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:28

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

extra row of teeth posted:

Not while standing in your front yard next to the truck you parked halfway on my property that's blasting music loud enough to shake the block, no.

But the beer in my front yard is still fine in and of itself, whew.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:31

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

The key is to put it in a different vessel, and use a straw. Nobody suspects you of drinking beer through a straw out of your commemorative Minions cup.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:34

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I honestly don't think I'd be willing to take any action about noise that I made intentionally no matter what the complaint was. That's pretty selfish or something but I think making noise is something humans do and if you don't want to be near noise, don't be near humans.

Never been in a band or thrown a party I see.

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Just rent the top floor?

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:58

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

dudeness posted:

The key is to put it in a different vessel, and use a straw. Nobody suspects you of drinking beer through a straw out of your commemorative Minions cup.

Beer through a straw is gross, use wine instead

# ? Jul 12, 2018 23:58

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Yuss! I'm the first to post this:

My [25F] downstairs neighbor [33M] brings me dinner every night Non-Romantic

quote:

TL;DR My downstairs neighbor prepares me dinner every night and delivers it to my door. He is very nice and genuine but after a few weeks of this I am starting to feel guilty and unsure of his intentions.

A little background, I live in a 3 unit house in a very friendly, open community. My downstairs neighbor is a refugee from Burma/Myanmar and he is very friendly. He has been in the country for over ten years now, originally living in upstate NY, going through a long drawn out divorce, has two sons, operates a couple sushi stands at grocery stores and practices Buddhism. We both moved in in May. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship and moved very suddenly and abruptly. I live alone, work and support myself and have two dogs. I am an introvert and generally keep to myself. Moving to this new community has forced me to be more social.

At first he brought home sushi and bottle of wine for me. He also brought home sushi and beer/wine to all our other neighbors as well. He seemed very grateful to be here and was thanking all us for welcoming him. In addition, he mows the communal lawn, planted a garden, takes care of the garbage cans on trash day and does general chores around the property. He goes above and beyond as a tenant.

When I would be out in the yard with my dogs he would always offer if I wanted leftovers. I would always politely decline. Well his sons, 6 and 12, have been here visiting for the past couple weeks and since they have been here he brings me dinner everyday. He will either catch me going to take my dogs out or come and knock on my door with dinner and sometimes more wine. When my dad was here dog sitting he even brought my dad dinner. To be clear, it is a full balance plated dinner - meat, veggie, grain. Not just whatever is left.

Originally, I thought it was super nice and that he probably has leftovers from feeding his sons. I also thought maybe it was a thank you for letting his sons play with my dogs in the yard or for having kids around. Or he sympathized with me because my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me.

Now I am not sure how I feel about it. I'll tell other people and they think it is weird or that he likes me romantically. He seems very hung up on his divorce and still calls it a "break" even though they have been separated for three years. So I do not think that he has romantic intentions but I still worry. Mostly I am concerned because I feel guilty. This guy does not make a lot of money, has two kids, lives in an illegal basement unit with no stove top or oven and brings me dinner every night.

Is this guy just a generally nice person? Should I be concerned? Should I decline? I try to avoid him so he does not feel obligated to feed me but he just comes to my door. I think he means the best but something is just not feeling right.

Top rated comments:

quote:

This is a Buddhist thing (also add to that he's Burmese) . There is purity in giving and taking care of each other in a community. If he is a true practicing Buddhist, he expects nothing in return. Read up on it, it might make you more comfortable. If not, just ask him to stop.

...

Burmese person here! Never thought we'd ever get mentioned on Reddit besides on r/worldnews, lol. There's a lot of missing cultural context you need to take into account. If he's a refugee, he probably came from a way different life than I came from, so I can see the concerns you have with his situation, but I'm sure some cultural values are inherently ingrained beyond class. I'll touch on the financial aspects at the end.

Okay, it sounds strange, but this type of stuff is a big deal in Burmese living. Neighbors, especially in apartment buildings, will often just randomly pop over and deliver dinner/snacks/desserts many times a week. It's also common that when you go over to or even are in the proximity of someone's house, you bring them food. Sometimes, if you're very well acquainted, you can even request something specific for the next time. I'm a university student in the states right now and family friends occasionally ask if they should bring over any Burmese dishes, since let's be honest, I'm a college student and my culinary expertise ends at adding an egg to ramen. My parents own a couple apartments and condos in Myanmar and whenever they visit their tenants, they make sure to bring food. We're even very specific about the type of food we bring to them. My parents call me all the time and ask what type of food westerners enjoy because some of their clients are European. They'll go out of their way to order, for example, pizzas and pastas ahead of time so they can drive by, pick it up, and bring it with them. If it's something like pasta, they'll even try to mix it up with lesser known, but still authentic as can be options, so it doesn't seem like they're playing on stereotypes. And no, they will not consume any bit of it. The food is brought, discussion takes place, and the receiver generally receives the full portion. I also have a friend here in the states whose landlords are Burmese and a couple times a week, they'll bring over breakfast for him. One thing that's not quite related to your situation but I find really cool, is that because Myanmar is so ethnically diverse with many different religions being practiced, when one family is celebrating their holiday, they'll make traditional foods of that specific culture and give it to others not in. To provide a scenario, a Muslim Indian-Burmese family might make a bunch of traditional Indian desserts and bring them to their Buddhist Chinese-Burmese neighbors on Eid.

A good chunk of Burmese people are used to giving out food every morning to passing monks. In fact, a lot of monks rely solely on their neighborhood morning walks for breakfast and lunch. For some, it's both since they can't eat past 12 PM, I believe.

So no, they're not exactly leftovers, but I don't think they're some subliminal bribing tactic. Older people tend to also be really giving towards the young, even if just by a little. You might be only 8 years younger than him, but culturally, it wouldn't be inappropriate in Myanmar for him to refer to you as the word for daughter depending on the relationship, in a somewhat similar case to how people use "bro" or "sis" here. If not, at the very least for certain, it would be "little sister." Given that statement, there's a little bit of the instinct to maybe care extra. It's a little off-putting at first. The weirdest thing was when I visited my parents overseas and they left the house for a bit and these neighbors kept coming to bring food and me being westernized to a fault since I was little, I forgot how to say thanks, but really didn't want to say it in English because I didn't want to come off like I lost my culture, so I just kept awkwardly bowing my head trying to communicate appreciation while still trying to remember the word.

They might be leftovers too though, to be honest, but not for you. Our food is really cheap to make in huge bulk sizes and for certain dishes, you'd be operating at a lost if you made smaller portions. So yes, while he might be poor, by cost, that dinner serving he's giving you might only amount to maybe ~$3 dollars, $3 that might have gone towards nothing anyway. My father and I spent an afternoon calculating the cost of making the food in larger portions since my parents are crazy for savings, and it's ridiculous how much economies of scale affect it. A lot of our dishes are also saved to eat with many other dishes, since we tend to follow the rice-side dishes-curry 1- curry 2 - and so on formula with our meals. Basically, we can reuse them for different meals and since the curries aren't exactly the main stars so much as rice is, so they can be eaten a couple times without you getting sick of them. No need to worry about inconveniencing him. Some are even able to be combined, potluck style. Don't worry though about the leftovers, as what you're getting are more like in-between leftovers. He takes out the immediate portion, gives you some, then probably refrigerates the rest for himself later down the line.

As for the sushi, many lower-income Burmese that immigrate tend to move into sushi and through connections and hearsay, as I'm just all around very interested in the economics concerning Myanmar, its people, and its people outside of the country, I know a little bit about how the business works. He's not losing any money over the sushi he's giving you because if he didn't give you it, he'd likely have to throw it out anyway - not because it has gone bad, but because of the rules concerning end-of-the-day items. Sushi preparation is overseen very closely and the standards are actually quite strict, since it is raw fish to an extent.

Of course, I don't want to trivialize your concerns and this is an entirely separate country now that you both live in, so maybe there is an outside element in play. However, for his background, I don't believe that any of this is abnormal.

Eyebleach for the day, you're welcome.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:05

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

It�s fine to let guys do stuff for you. If you don�t like it tell him to stop.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:11

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

paging dragqueenofangmar to lament how even basic kindness is now alienating and disconcerting

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:16

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Serephina posted:

Yuss! I'm the first to post this:

My [25F] downstairs neighbor [33M] brings me dinner every night Non-Romantic

Top rated comments:

Eyebleach for the day, you're welcome.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:17

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

That was a nice palette cleanser :unsmith:

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:49

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

dudeness posted:

The key is to put it in a different vessel, and use a straw. Nobody suspects you of drinking beer through a straw out of your commemorative Minions cup.

For the hundreth time it is a stein

# ? Jul 13, 2018 00:55

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Serephina posted:

Yuss! I'm the first to post this:

My [25F] downstairs neighbor [33M] brings me dinner every night Non-Romantic

Top rated comments:

Eyebleach for the day, you're welcome.

That's stupidly cute! :kimchi:

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:11

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

gently caress Your Website posted:

Never been in a band or thrown a party I see.

Did you misread my post? I'm saying I would probably continue making noise.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:13

houstonguy: Jun 2, 2005; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Serephina posted:

Yuss! I'm the first to post this:

My [25F] downstairs neighbor [33M] brings me dinner every night Non-Romantic

Top rated comments:

Eyebleach for the day, you're welcome.

The neighbor knows her username and is creating throwaway accounts to lie about Burmese culture in an attempt to reframe his behavior in a more positive light.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:44

Salty Josh: Jul 13, 2016; Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.; Nap Ghost

houstonguy posted:

The neighbor knows her username and is creating throwaway accounts to lie about Burmese culture in an attempt to reframe his behavior in a more positive light.

Kinda weird but he's probably just trying to be sincere.

Love comes in all many shapes and forms.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 01:48

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Maybe he's actually a burmese python dressed in a human coat trying to fatten her up so he can eat her one day.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 02:22

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

My [24 M] GF [23 F] of 6 months discovered I searched for my ex in my search history after I told her I wouldn't.

quote:

Dear Reddit, TIFU by potentially ruining an amazing relationship with the girl I hoped and planned to marry someday. I feel unbelievably bad about this and will be kicking myself forever for being so stupid.

So a few weeks ago, my GF saw I had searched for my ex in my recent searches on my phone, and was very upset about it. My ex had gotten a new BF and I was curious to see what he looked like, so I searched her on social media. I blocked my ex on FB and told my GF I wouldn't search her again because she's not important to me. Everything was fine, except I'm an idiot.

I work a desk job, and I continued looking up my ex on Instagram every few days while I was at work. Last night, my GF woke me up shaking and sobbing because she looked through my phone search history and discovered all the searches I did of my ex. Turns out my phone stores searches from my work desktop. Every individual Instagram picture I looked at showed up as a separate search, so it appeared like I searched this girl up a million times.

As to WHY I looked up my ex every few days, well, part of it was boredom at work and it was interesting stalking her. But this girl was important to me for a long time and I was happy to see her posting all these happy pictures of her and her new BF. I'm happy she's seemingly doing well in life now.

I know what this looks like; like I'm obsessed with my ex and that I'm not over her, but that is far from the truth. I wouldn't get back together with her even if I were single because she's not good for me, nor I for her. Besides, I'm unbelievably happy with my current GF and wouldn't give her up for the world.

Of course, I lied to my GF because I searched for my ex after telling her I wouldn't again. I honestly thought what I was doing was harmless and figured she'd never see anyways since I was at work. I just did it kind of mindlessly; whenever I had a dull moment at work I'd drift into searching up my ex. I had no bad intentions and I haven't spoken to my ex since well before my current relationship.

I love my GF with all of my heart and planned on moving in with her in a few months. We also ordered each other promise rings. Last night she said to return the promise rings because she can't promise herself to a liar and someone who hurt her like that, and that we should take it slower so I shouldn't move in with her just yet. It broke my heart to hear her say that, but I understand why she feels that way.

I cheated on a previous partner, which my GF knows about. I will not make excuses for doing it, but I learned I do not enjoy cheating and it's not an option for me. I promised myself I'd never cheat again, but my GF brought up several times that "once a cheater always a cheater." That was a different relationship at a different time, but that's fair of her to say I suppose.

We have an amazing relationship. I try my hardest everyday to keep her my top priority and show her how much I love her, but I f***** up here. I tried telling her how sorry I am and how stupid I am and how important she is to me, but she just said all boys say the same crap and that they all end up hurting you in the end. The fact that she could think that about me breaks my heart.

She said she has to think about what needs to be done. She might not want to break up right now, but she definitely is rethinking the relationship. We were so excited about moving in together and getting each other promise rings, and now she's second guessing that. I'm afraid she'll stay with me but emotionally check out of the relationship.

Is this something that can be forgiven?

TLDR: I searched up my ex on social media every few days at work after I told my GF I wouldn't anymore. GF found out and is understandably upset I lied and looked her up at all. I looked her up out of mindless boredom and I was happy to see my ex doing well. GF is terribly hurt and doesn't trust me anymore.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 02:59

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Caganer posted:

My [24 M] GF [23 F] of 6 months discovered I searched for my ex in my search history after I told her I wouldn't.

Why would you look up your ex? Why would you allow yourself to get caught doing it? Why would she even take issue? Why would she ask you to not do it? Why would you agree? Why would you then renege on it? I feel like I live on a completely different planet than these people.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:05

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

It is super weird for an early twenties couple to get each other a "promise ring" right? I'm pretty sure it is.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:10

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Jim Barris posted:

It is super weird for an early twenties couple to get each other a "promise ring" right? I'm pretty sure it is.

Depends on how Evangelical they are.

I mean, still weird. But common.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:12

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

tactlessbastard posted:

Depends on how Evangelical they are.

I mean, still weird. But common.

The really weird thing is that he mentions them moving in together but they're also getting each other promise rings? So they're going to move in with one another and what... Sleep in separate rooms? Double beds like the loving Honeymooners or something?

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:18

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

tactlessbastard posted:

Why would you look up your ex? Why would you allow yourself to get caught doing it? Why would she even take issue? Why would she ask you to not do it? Why would you agree? Why would you then renege on it? I feel like I live on a completely different planet than these people.

You look up an ex to see if they're doing alright in life because you're a good person who wants the best for others.

You get pissed about it because you're both insecure and know, deep down, your current relationship ain't gonna last.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:20

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I'm no relationship expert but looking up pictures of your ex while you're at work sounds like a special kind of weird that goes above and beyond regular old looking up.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:30

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Both of them seem weird and terrible.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:39

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Jim Barris posted:

The really weird thing is that he mentions them moving in together but they're also getting each other promise rings? So they're going to move in with one another and what... Sleep in separate rooms? Double beds like the loving Honeymooners or something?

A Promise ring just means that you're stating your intention to get engaged eventually, it's not a promise to be celibate (you're thinking of a Purity ring)

That said it's definitely weirder than an engagement ring but not as weird as some of the other ring-exchanging practices we humans sometimes practice

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:47

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

QuarkJets posted:

A Promise ring just means that you're stating your intention to get engaged eventually, it's not a promise to be celibate (you're thinking of a Purity ring)

That said it's definitely weirder than an engagement ring but not as weird as some of the other ring-exchanging practices we humans sometimes practice

That's ridiculous though. That's basically promising to make a promise later.

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:49

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Jim Barris posted:

That's ridiculous though. That's basically promising to make a promise later.

Isn�t that just the engagement ring? A promise that you promise to be faithful later?

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:51

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Jim Barris posted:

That's ridiculous though. That's basically promising to make a promise later.

Arguably it's even one level deeper than that; your wedding vows are a promise, so getting engaged is a promise to make a promise later, and a promise ring is a promise to promise to promise

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:51

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Are promise rings also a trick by large scale jewelers to force people to buy their poo poo like engagement rings?

e: diamond engagement rings I mean

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:55

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:50

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

dudeness posted:

Are promise rings also a trick by large scale jewelers to force people to buy their poo poo like engagement rings?

Yes

# ? Jul 13, 2018 03:56

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