Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
WrenP-Complete
Jul 27, 2012

Non anon fesh - I've been ill and binged this whole thread in like a week. Thread title change was pretty hilarious.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
:perfect:

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
*prior

Also yeah being unemployed sucks beyond the money part. Get a job, even if it's a lovely job. How middle of nowhere are we talking? Even just picking up a few hours at the local diner or something will give you a routine to settle into, which will help with everything else. The positive benefits of having a reliable reason to get up and get out of the house cannot be overstated. If it's completely not an option, get a project and work on it a little bit every day. Doesn't have to be anything big, doesn't have to be anything important, doesn't even have to be anything you can finish. Something that is explicitly stupid and useless may actually be better than something functional that you care about, because there's less pressure and intimidation.

I Brake For MILFs
Jan 9, 2007

:syoon:


Wedding goon - don't make a scene. Don't profess your love until you're the best version of you that you can be. Realistically you only get one chance and you don't want to gently caress it up by being a mess.

Start taking care of yourself and lose that weight, by the time you get to 200lb~ you might have met someone on your weight loss journey or you might just completely move on from this girl.

Even if this girl is a bad influence on you, making sure you're the best version of you before you profess your love and put yourself out there is the best idea.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
Wedding Goon, please post again after you make a scene at the wedding and the groomsmen beat the poo poo out of you and the bride tells you to gently caress off to hell.

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches

Waltzing Along posted:

Wedding Goon, please post again after you make a scene at the wedding and the groomsmen beat the poo poo out of you and the bride tells you to gently caress off to hell.

or this plz even i didnt explore that timeline

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018
gently caress up the wedding fatty

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

gently caress up the wedding fatty

despite the general nature of the current title this would also make a swell thread title.

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
I've ran sound at a bunch of weddings and not once has anyone actually asked the audience if anyone has an objection

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

CheesyDog posted:

I've ran sound at a bunch of weddings and not once has anyone actually asked the audience if anyone has an objection

Yeah. I was thinking it is just something you see on TV.

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
i didnt have it in either of mine thats just asking for it.

ALFbrot
Apr 17, 2002
Wedding goon, refer to thread title

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
The only actual jealous meltdown I've seen at one involved some brief, unclear shouting at the wedding party table during the reception and a guy storming out, but he couldn't actually leave because everyone was double-parked so he was still sitting sullenly in his car 40 minutes later

sugar free jazz
Mar 5, 2008

Overweight goon, try cutting your dick off. do it at the wedding, make it look like an accident. Slipped and fell in the kitchen sorta thing. Sue the caterer, get a big settlement, suddenly you have all this money and that’ll help you lose weight and better yourself

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

Just Cut Your loving Weight Off

womb with a view
Sep 8, 2007

He met her online, but I met her in an institution that places children of a similar age within a small geographic area together

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
:frogon:

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

Waltzing Along posted:

Yeah. I was thinking it is just something you see on TV.

I understand that it's an archaic holdover from back before telephones or cars when it was plausible that the groom might already be married two towns over and nobody else knew about it, or the bride wasn't a virgin, or one was a heathen, or they were long-lost siblings, etc

sticksy
May 26, 2004
Nap Ghost
Play a romantic trumpet solo in the middle of the wedding op

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
so many solid ideas itt

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

sticksy posted:

Play a romantic trumpet solo in the middle of the wedding op
This, but "romantic trumpet solo" as a euphemism for jacking it.

otter
Jul 23, 2007

Ask me about my XCOM and controller collection

word.

sticksy posted:

Play a romantic trumpet solo in the middle of the wedding op

If only they had played flugelhorn this could forever be known as “The Chuck Mangione Incident” and become part of the internet lore segment when VH1 has “I Remember the 2010s”.
I will be filing this under missed golden opportunities.
Your only hope is the solo from the Green Hornet.

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
That fat wedding goon is just going to be humiliated if he makes a scene. Everyone else will see some enormous fat dude telling a girl she is wrong for loving someone that isn't him just because he's been obsessed with her for decades. It's almost too much of a parody of the stereotypical "nice guy" to be believable. I can't believe there are still people who think that if you are "nice" to a girl for long enough she owes you anything on a romantic/sexual level.

Also yeah everyone who has said a girl didn't bring out the best of you if you ballooned to 375 pounds and made you think the only way you could be with her is if she became a landwhale too and was forced to settle with you. Newsflash: your lack of self-confidence is exactly why she never viewed you as a romantic partner before even getting in to the physical aspect of it.

Leave
Feb 7, 2012

Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.
You work at Arby's, so you better be able to offer her all the beef and cheddar she can handle for the rest of her life.

That's also a euphemism for humping your tubby body.

D-Pad
Jun 28, 2006

Make sure somebody films it. That way if it works out you have the video of when you professed your love to grandma to show your grandkids and if it doesn't you can put it on repeat on the TV in the room you hang yourself in. (But post it here first plz)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

necroid
May 14, 2009

some of the replies to the wannabe wedding crasher are just mean and cruel, come on

he's a dumb gently caress but still

D-Pad posted:

if it doesn't you can put it on repeat on the TV in the room you hang yourself in

stuff like this isn't justified

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

http 418

necroid posted:

some of the replies to the wannabe wedding crasher are just mean and cruel, come on

he's a dumb gently caress but still


stuff like this isn't justified

welcome to gibbis

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

necroid posted:

some of the replies to the wannabe wedding crasher are just mean and cruel, come on

he's a dumb gently caress but still


stuff like this isn't justified

He is planning to ruin what should be the happiest moment in his supposed "friend"'s life because he thinks he put in more work to "get" her than her future husband. How is that not mean and cruel? He is not only ruining her wedding day, he's outing himself as an rear end in a top hat who can't take no for an answer and is coming to collect his debt of niceness tokens deposited into gril.

Besides, the suggestion is totally unrealistic. Given how fat he is there's no way a simple rope is going to support his weight so hanging is out of the question.

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Besides, the suggestion is totally unrealistic. Given how fat he is there's no way a simple rope is going to support his weight so hanging is out of the question.

He could use the fly system of a local theatre.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

It's Followup Sunday today in the feshthread!

First up is Darkweb Goon:

quote:

Hey thread, thanks for the support.

To be honest the dark web is pretty small so there's not a ton of these sites. The dark web is small, and judging by fresh onions mostly darknet markets, phishing clones of darknet markets, mixed in the the most vile pornography/red rooms and a few weird sites. I had to dig pretty deep to find 3 decent ones.

Also, a big problem is that sites that index the darkweb will also index illegal content... so I can't just link to FreshOnions or something because you're (w/ one degree of separation) linking to illegal stuff. I'm fairly sure it's not a crime to accidentally click or be tricked into clicking illegal content (or share a site w/ illegal content w/ 1 degree of separation).

If someone wants to create the thread or even pretend they were me, the confessor, go hog wild. (I didn't even use a code word submitting my last fesh so feel free to steal my dead gay identity).

As a general rule I don't post about the darknet on the clearnet, or vice versa.

(Sent this email via Tor, yeah baby!)

This one is a followup from someone identifying themselves as "the miserable marriage affair goon" which honestly is not specific enough in a thread like this but based on the permanent-residency comment I'm pretty sure it's the second one from this post.

quote:

To address the comments:

I need to wait probably a few more months for permanent residency. That, thankfully, has become simpler, as my wife has decided that because I can't instantly return to being the kind, happy, gentle guy she married, there's no reason for me to be in the apartment.

She's still going to help with my visa because of child support. I miss being with my son, but not being in the house with her is a big relief.

Of course, this also makes me feel awful about my ex. I left her to go back to live with my son, and now I've lost both. We talker briefly a few days ago, but it turned ugly. She started by casually telling me about all the new guys she had met and how she is totally over me, so I popped off a few rude remarks about how her husband is unfortunate to have a wife he is essentially paying to gently caress around on him (she has no job and dumps her kid in daycare every day so she can do whatever she wants, previously me, now apparently several other guys.)

She hung up on me, then a day later, fired off a blistering email to me about how I ruined her life. I feel horrible for what I said, and I'm moving on and seeing other people now, but no matter who I'm with, I only find myself wishing it were her.

I'm also worried because I know her well enough to know that she is very likely to cool down eventually and message me wanting to talk, and all I want is to just get over this heartbreak and forget about her, but that takes me awhile and if she does message before I'm ok again, I'll very likely go right back to her.

I can't seem to convince myself that this unemployed, lazy, serial cheater isn't just the very perfect woman for me. Maybe she is, I don't know.

Spoiler alert: she isn't

Anyway, you're making progress from last time in that you're getting out of your marriage and you're not with your ex either, which are the two big points from my response, so that's good. I'm glad you're trying to move on with your life, too; don't be discouraged that it's not an instantaneous process. Keep forging ahead; this is as good a course of action as you can really take.

Leave
Feb 7, 2012

Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.
She's not your perfect woman. I don't know you, but you deserve better than that. Nobody deserves to be with a cheater, and nobody should think that's who they deserve to be with.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

by VideoGames
A big part of this thread for me is like going through my life being like “my problems... woe is me” and then I read fleshes about affaires and child abuse and child support and I’m like “nah I’ll stick with my problems, yikes”

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
or just more like "man. glad im not that stupid anymore"

Horse Clocks
Dec 14, 2004


CheesyDog posted:

I've ran sound at a bunch of weddings and not once has anyone actually asked the audience if anyone has an objection

I think it’s a U.K. legal requirement.

But the phrase here is something like

quote:

if anyone has any reason why these two may not legally be wed
.

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
This sounds like a bad scifi book's worldbuilding world for future-porn.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.
Man I hope the FailWhale ruins that wedding.

Arven
Sep 23, 2007
He'll chicken out and sit there in silence. They don't actually even ask the question anymore in US weddings anyway.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

by VideoGames
He should practice ruin a few other people’s weddings first

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
Already ruined his parents'

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000

Can you spare a little cheddar?
Nap Ghost
Miserable marriage guy and his ex deserve each other so much.

I'd love to read a dark web post. I know almost nothing about it, and don't want to commit any crimes, but it would be cool to read about other's exploits there.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply