/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Though this was thread relevant:

https://mobile.twitter.com/matthewhughes/status/1022461198292406272

https://mobile.twitter.com/matthewhughes/status/1022461967515172864

# ? Jul 26, 2018 15:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 11:27

Barudak: May 7, 2007

What a loving Grevy�s

# ? Jul 26, 2018 15:38

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Boyfriend (33M) freaked out on me (28F) over a sexy picture I sent.

So this relationship is super new. He (33M) and I (28F) met almost four weeks ago. He is in the military

This is all that�s needed to understand this story

# ? Jul 26, 2018 15:42

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I'm a giraffe.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 15:47

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

That �zebra� thing seems to be a moniker for types of people working in startups:

https://medium.com/@sexandstartups/zebrasfix-c467e55f9d96

quote:

A year ago we wrote �Sex & Startups.� The premise was this: The current technology and venture capital structure is broken. It rewards quantity over quality, consumption over creation, quick exits over sustainable growth, and shareholder profit over shared prosperity. It chases after �unicorn� companies bent on �disruption� rather than supporting businesses that repair, cultivate, and connect. After publishing the essay, we heard from hundreds of founders, investors, and advocates who agreed: �We cannot win at this game.�

It�s still stupid as Hell.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:02

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm a giraffe.

I'm a giraffatitan

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:05

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

LadyPictureShow posted:

That �zebra� thing seems to be a moniker for types of people working in startups:

https://medium.com/@sexandstartups/zebrasfix-c467e55f9d96

It�s still stupid as Hell.

I thought it was like off Dr House; "if you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras", ie assume the common thing not the rare unusual thing. Like an Indigo Children situation where you want to make being weird and antisocial into being "special"

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:07

Darkhold: Feb 19, 2011; No Heart❤️
No Soul👻
No Service🙅

The question is which one dies when they think of ants?

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:09

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Zebras do not have regenerative growth, trust me on this :smith:

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:12

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

LadyPictureShow posted:

That ‘zebra’ thing seems to be a moniker for types of people working in startups:

https://medium.com/@sexandstartups/zebrasfix-c467e55f9d96

It’s still stupid as Hell.

the virgin unicorn / the chad zebra

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:14

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

This is starting to sound like a My Little Pony thing.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:16

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

Ghost Leviathan posted:

This is starting to sound like a My Little Pony thing.

that would genuinely be preferable to it being a silicon valley thing

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:17

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

dudeness posted:

Zebras do not have regenerative growth, trust me on this

Found out the hard way, did you?

Me too :smith:

. Ruined the petting zoo.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:18

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Actually, I'm more of a seahorse.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:18

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Brother Entropy posted:

that would genuinely be preferable to it being a silicon valley thing

I mean, it's probably both

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:20

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

Here's a fun mystery:

Someone stole from me [24F], how do I deal with the "suspects"? Brother [27M], best friend [24M], GF [23F], housemate [28M] and housemate's GF [21F]

quote:

Bear with me. It's a long one.

My grandfather recently passed away, and he left me and my brother a watch, and a tin of cash each. We received about �750 each, and the watches are purely sentimental value. I was given the tin with the money on the Saturday afternoon, and was too busy to go to the bank to deposit it, and banks are closed Sunday. Between Saturday afternoon (14th) and Monday morning (16th), the cash and the tin were stolen. The tin was put in my bottom drawer on Saturday afternoon, and was not there Monday morning.

The issue is that there were a large number of people who had the opportunity to take that money, and I don't know who did it. Seeing as I don't want to drag everybody onto the Jeremy Kyle show, I'm turning to Reddit for suggestions. How do I figure out who took this money? If I have to go to the police, I will, but I would really rather not, seeing as I have no evidence.

The suspects are as follows:

My brother, Michael, 27. He was at my house on the Saturday afternoon, as we'd both received our inheritances. We hung out for a bit talking about my granddad. He only had five minutes in my bedroom alone, but I can't remember if I saw the tin after he left. I was more interested in the watch, and it'd been a long day. I don't think it'd be him, because he got his own money, but he does need money a lot more than me, as his girlfriend is pregnant.

My best friend, Daniel, 24. He came over Sunday, and had plenty of opportunity throughout the day. I told him about the money, but didn't tell him it was in my room. Daniel is wealthy as hell, and my �750 would be petty cash to him. I can't see why he would steal from me, but he would have had the best opportunity.

My girlfriend, Carrie, 23. She stayed over Saturday night, and was super quick to leave Sunday morning. She's been acting a bit off at the moment, but she doesn't really get on with my housemate. I don't think she'd steal from me. I wouldn't be with her if I did. But we've only been seeing each other for a couple of months.

My housemate, Kane, 28. He wasn't in the house until Sunday evening, and his girlfriend was with him, and they both vouch for each other. Kane's a bit weird, and has poor boundries (especially with Carrie), but he's generally pretty honest. If I didn't think he was a safe person to be around, I wouldn't be living with him.

Kane's girlfriend, Alessa, 21. I think it's her. I don't know her at all, but she really dislikes me and Carrie. But Kane swears up and down that he and Alessa were in each other's sight the whole time, and that she isn't a thief. Alessa is also super bad with money, so if she had an extra �750 lying around, she would have had her nails done, and new clothing and things to show for it, which makes me think she might not have stolen it. Also, I have no idea how she would have known about the money, or found it.

I've spoken to each of the "suspects". Michael and Daniel are outraged on my behalf, but have distanced themselves, Carrie is super worried that I think it was her, and is pointing the finger at Kane and Alessa. Kane seems really confused by everything, and won't comment, and Alessa has accused everybody except herself and Kane. She's even suggested that there was no money, and I'm trying to cause drama.

Since that Monday, it's been awful. Carrie doesn't want to see me, Daniel has been avoiding me, and Alessa has been really in my face and passive aggressive about accusing her. Michael told me that it hurt him really badly to be accused of stealing from me.

Are there any ideas or suggestions on how to figure this out before I get the police involved? And is there any point in involving the police?

TLDR: Someone stole �750. Is there a way to figure out who without going to the police? Would the police even be much use in this scenario?

And the update!

quote:

First off, thank you for the suggestions. I went with the idea u/lampshade00

offered. I took each person aside and told them that I was going to go to the police if the money wasn't returned. I told each person to put the money in a different spot.

About �100 was returned to the spot I told Kane to use. Kane took me aside and asked me not to be too harsh on Alessa, as she is only young. I played along and agreed. Later, I sent Alessa a text and asked her if she knew that Kane was pinning the theft on her. She hit the roof. She came to the house, and flipped out at Kane. Apparently, he told her that he'd seen Carrie taking it, and that everybody else was ganging up and blaming her.

Kane apparently enjoys being the "puppet master". I could fill a book with the lies he's been telling the lot of us. His cloud cuckoo lander behaviour is more or less an act, the money was just sitting in his sock drawer (Alessa tore his room apart until she found the money, which she gave back to me). Kane just likes to see people fight.

I'm moving out of Kane's place, and in with Daniel. Alessa has dumped Kane. I have my money back. Daniel was never that fazed, so he's forgiven me. Michael is hurt, and Carrie is just relieved that I didn't really think it was her. Probably going to spend this money on fun stuff to do with Daniel, Carrie and Michael to smooth over the justifiably hurt feelings incurred.

TLDR: Kane stole the money to mess with people. I've got my money back. Thanks again.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:21

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

If I was a business creature I'd probably describe myself as a leech or perhaps a bot fly.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:34

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

Kuros posted:

Here's a fun mystery:

Someone stole from me [24F], how do I deal with the "suspects"? Brother [27M], best friend [24M], GF [23F], housemate [28M] and housemate's GF [21F]

And the update!

I don�t like this Mousetrap remake.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:35

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

quote:

First off, thank you for the suggestions. I went with the idea u/lampshade00 offered. I took each person aside and told them that I was going to go to the police if the money wasn't returned. I told each person to put the money in a different spot.

About �100 was returned to the spot I told Kane to use. Kane took me aside and asked me not to be too harsh on Alessa, as she is only young. I played along and agreed. Later, I sent Alessa a text and asked her if she knew that Kane was pinning the theft on her. She hit the roof. She came to the house, and flipped out at Kane. Apparently, he told her that he'd seen Carrie taking it, and that everybody else was ganging up and blaming her.

This is beautiful, it's so simple but so effective, Lampshade00 is a loving genius and I love them

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:39

don longjohns: Mar 2, 2012

Fatkraken posted:

I'm a giraffatitan

Back in my day we called them "indigo children" and they all had the power to cleanse auras.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:46

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

Fatkraken posted:

This is beautiful, it's so simple but so effective, Lampshade00 is a loving genius and I love them

I was just about to comment on the brilliance of this plan, it's so classically simple and beautiful

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:48

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me [31m USA] and anyone [18-28F, any country] - What are some legit websites where I can meet foreign nationals interested in marrying a U.S. citizen?
Hello Redditors,

quote:

Like the title says, I'm looking for legitimate websites where I can meet real people interested in immigrating to the U.S. I am not trying to do this illegally and want to actually get to know them, but would like to meet and marry them in a short timeframe. I am attractive with a career and a college education. I just want to get into a mutually beneficial arrangement with an attractive foreign national. I'm mostly looking for Eastern European, South American, and Southeast Asian countries.

I'm not looking to have children, though. She will be free to do whatever she wants here, including not living with me. If we do live together I would expect her to help with the bills. Just in case you're wondering!

I would like to visit her home country at some point as well. I have my passport but haven't had the time to do any international travel yet.

I'm not interested in a biblical marriage and would prefer a cool friend to party and sleep with as my partner if at all possible.

TL;DR: Where can I meet foreign nationals interested in getting to know me and marrying them so they can relocate to the USA?

quote:

[�]nyccowgirl [score hidden] 6 minutes ago
As a Southeast Asian woman knowing people who do things like this, the arrangement sounds illegal to me. You're basically trading your citizenship for sex.

[�]foreignlovethrowaway[S] [score hidden] 3 minutes ago
Yet it's perfectly fine for half of the U.S. military to do this.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 16:56

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31m USA] and anyone [18-28F, any country] - What are some legit websites where I can meet foreign nationals interested in marrying a U.S. citizen?
Hello Redditors,

/r/relationships:I'm not interested in a biblical marriage and would prefer a cool friend to party and sleep with as my partner if at all possible

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:01

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31m USA] and anyone [18-28F, any country] - What are some legit websites where I can meet foreign nationals interested in marrying a U.S. citizen?
Hello Redditors,

This guy sounds like a real catch. Shocking he can't find any dates in the US.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:03

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Hello I'd like to marry a foreign lady except we don't have to live together or really do anything at all that you would expect from being married. What I'm saying is go ahead and get that sweet citizenship then ghost me entirely I'm cool with it. Cucked again to own the libs!

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31m USA] and anyone [18-28F, any country] - What are some legit websites where I can meet foreign nationals interested in marrying a U.S. citizen?
Hello Redditors,

Based on his naivete he is going to get steamrolled by whatever woman he picks so i recommend he first pre-beat his brows.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:11

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Fatkraken posted:

This is beautiful, it's so simple but so effective, Lampshade00 is a loving genius and I love them

The incredibly heads up part was his texting the roommate's gf that he was trying to pin it on her.

Drove the wedge in between them and got her to recover the money out of spite.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:16

Barudak: May 7, 2007

If that dude ever travels, which he wont, every single man and woman in miles will start circling him because they smell blood in the water.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 17:21

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

I'm mostly looking for Eastern European, South American, and Southeast Asian countries

Of course you are

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:10

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Hi Reddit, I just want a chill, non-biblical relationship where I lord my wife's citizenship over her so that she will gently caress me.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:11

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Personally I think Eastern European is the way to go.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:15

Araenna: Dec 27, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

failing forward posted:

Back in my day we called them "indigo children" and they all had the power to cleanse auras.

Wasn't that basically just another way parents deal with having autistic kids, like the way some turn into anti-vaxxers? The ones with high functioning kids make it into their kid being super special with special powers and the problem isn't them it's everyone else not realizing they have telepathy, and the ones with kids who are more seriously disabled because of it want to be able to blame someone/something, because they resent how hard it is to have a disabled child, and think it's better that children die of preventable illness than they have to take care of their child for the rest of their lives.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:19

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

The dating scene operates under job interview rules, right?

Would a 4+ year long gap in dating history a red flag?

quote:

Here's the background: I'm a 25M who hasn't been in a relationship or hooked up with anyone since my junior year in college. Now, even before that, my relationship history has been sparse; I've only been in two relationships in my life, lasting two months each, including during my junior year which I just mentioned, and the other being during my senior year in high school. I've been rationalizing (perhaps in delusion) that I'm not ready to get into a serious relationship with a partner since I'm busying myself with work with a long commute, online classes, and general self improvement, and that I shouldn't dip back into the dating pool until I'm "ready" with all my poo poo together. However, the friends that I have who are regularly in relationships often tell me that I'm going about this all wrong, that one is never "ready", and dating, serious or not, can really build valuable experience that would really help when it comes to finding the "one" to settle down with.

From your viewpoints, how much would this gap in dating history potentially weigh against me when it comes to future dating? And what are your thoughts about holding out on dating in general until I further establish myself vs. diving back in and seeing what happens?

**TL;DR; : I don't know if being out of the dating pool for so long would weigh against me nor am I'm sure whether I'm lying to myself on why I've been staying out.**.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:34

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

I've never really dated anyone who isn't my wife or someone I grew up with, but dating seems like an OK excuse to try out lots of different restaurants.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:40

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Beachcomber posted:

I've never really dated anyone who isn't my wife or someone I grew up with, but dating seems like an OK excuse to try out lots of different restaurants.

Yeah it is

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:47

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Beachcomber posted:

I've never really dated anyone who isn't my wife or someone I grew up with, but dating seems like an OK excuse to try out lots of different restaurants.

yeah but filling out all those application forms gets exhausting after a while

# ? Jul 26, 2018 18:58

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Me [32M] am deathly afraid of attractive women--I feel there is no greater fear in the world. Any input on how I can overcome this fear?

quote:

It is insanely tough approaching attractive women. There is nothing out there that is more difficult or scary--absolutely nothing. Making out with a black widow spider would be an easier task than approaching/talking to attractive women. And the more attractive they are, the worse it is.

Beauty, for some reason, makes me very scared and intimidated and I don't know why. It overpowers me and eats away at my insides like a flesh-eating parasite.

When I see a very attractive girl (which I see several of every week) it feels like my insides lock up and my brain turns off. I could be kicked in the face in this moment and I wouldn't feel a thing. Hell, I could probably get surgery without anesthesia and it wouldn't faze me a bit if there was a very attractive female in the room. It's that bad.

So, I lock up when I see one, and then after a few moments I can actually start to churn a few thoughts together with whatever synapses are able to revive themselves after being smothered in ice. These thoughts are usually, "holy F is she incredibly hot" or "OK I need to talk to her but what on earth is she going to say to me?" or the typical "there is no way on earth she would be into me--she is WAY out of my league!"

This issue has existed since puberty and still is the largest problem of my life and it doesn't seem to get better.

I think about the situation too much and before I build up the courage to make a move, she is long gone.

What on earth can I do to get out of this slump?

I do want to add that I tried asking out at-least one attractive girl a week a few months ago, which I succeeded at doing for 7 weeks straight. It was very, very tough. They all said they had someone else, which I expected. And I knew they would say no because my approach was riddled with insane amounts of anxiety and discomfort. It didn't seem to get better.

TL;DR: hot women scare the living crap out of me due to some weird powers that their beauty encompasses. I freeze and seem to be unable to make a move to talk to them. Any input?

# ? Jul 26, 2018 19:05

Meme Emulator: Oct 4, 2000

LadyPictureShow posted:

Me [32M] am deathly afraid of attractive women--I feel there is no greater fear in the world. Any input on how I can overcome this fear?

I feel bad for the guy, Ive got a fear of rejection and a way higher than normal anxiety response to being around single women Im attracted to as well.

Cant really give any advice either though, since I also haven't quite cracked this nut.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 19:07

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Strap-in folks, we�re on the train... tho Boozetown.

I am [40M] fighting with wife [35F] over her wine consumption - is she just a "wine mom" or is it a problem?

quote:

I have never posted on reddit before and created this account just because of this question.

Basically, my wife is a stay at home mom. We have three children and they are all under the age of 5. I am the breadwinner and I work a job that involves a lot of travel. When I am not on the road, I am able to work from home, which is nice. However, I am on the road almost every week, sometimes only for a night, usually for 3 or so. Quarterly (so 4 times a year), I will be gone for over a week, typically around 10 days. This isn't a new development since we had children. I have always had this career and due to my physical absence, my wife shoulders the vast majority of childcare and taking care of the household.

I have to say that my wife does a very good job. We live near her parents, which is helpful, but she does most of everything on her own. She ferries the children to school and play dates and practices. She cooks and keeps a clean house. She runs errands and makes sure household bills and things of that matter are taken care of. She considers all of this her job and my career is my job and I think we both work hard and respect each other. We both try to give each other breaks. Monthly, we each get a solo night out (so she can go out with her girlfriends, I go catch a game with a buddy, etc.) and a date night (thanks to her parents). No complaints there.

The reason for this post is that my wife has become quite the "wine mom" (A lot of her mom friends enjoy wine quite a bit and drink nightly. She seems to be influenced by that behavior. I know at one play date, the moms had mimosas and called them "mom-osas" and thought that was funny. My wife never day drinks but had a mimosa at that playdate and I wasn't too happy about that. Also their "book club" seems to be nothing more than an excuse to drink.) and I wonder if it's becoming a problem after she blew up at me last week. She enjoys a glass of wine with dinner or after the kids go to bed almost every night I am home. She typically only has one glass and she has a self-inflicted rule that she never drinks when I am not home just incase something was to happen with the kids(she is a petite woman and a bit of a lightweight), which makes me think I may be making a mountain out of a molehill but I worry she is starting to "need" the wine when it's "allowed." Last Friday, I came home from one of my longer quarterly trips. I had been gone for 9 days and I got home around 4 in the afternoon. After we all greeted one another and were settling in to hang out in the family room, she immediately excused herself and came back with a big pour of wine. I kind of said it was a little early and she said she had been eyeing that bottle for the last week and she couldn't wait any longer. Okay, fair enough. She nursed that glass until bedtimes and then once the kids were in bed, she asked me if I minded getting up with the baby in the morning as she hadn't gotten the best sleep while I was gone (baby was cutting a tooth). Of course, I said I would get up with the baby and my wife literally cheered and poured herself a very big glass of wine. I kind of questioned the second glass and she got very upset with me. Like not yelling but emotionally talking about how difficult this last week had been and how she just wanted to relax and had been looking forward to drinking some wine for days. I kind of said she was overreacting and excused myself. She finished that glass and went to bed and got up with the baby the next morning I think to prove to me that she could.

Since then, she's been chilly towards me, saying she feels under appreciated and judged. She said "you don't notice everything I do around the house but you notice a second glass of wine!" I feel like she's freaking out over a glass of wine and that makes me think she's overly dependent on it. I'm hoping you all can help me here.

(1) Is she drinking too much? Is this becoming a problem? I only drink 3-4 beers a month so her drinking seems excessive to me but maybe I just don't drink a lot.

(2) Is she right? Am I being a stick in the mud?

(3) How can I defuse this situation? No matter who is right or wrong, I don't want to be not on good terms with my wife.

Thank you.

TLDR: I think my wife drinks too much. She thinks I'm judging her. Who is right?

My God, nursing two glasses of wine after nine days alone watching three young children, one of whom is teething?! Admitting to looking forward to a couple glasses of wine once her husband got home?! A single mimosa on a play date?!

From the title, I was expecting it to be like, one of those moms that would get so cranked-out hammered that she missed her kid�s kindergarten graduation or something.

# ? Jul 26, 2018 19:16

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 11:27

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Meme Emulator posted:

Cant really give any advice either though, since I also haven't quite cracked this nut.

Picture her squeezing out a really tough turd on the can

# ? Jul 26, 2018 19:17

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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