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There's people out there with no penis at all. I just think it would be really irresponsible of me to simply throw mine out like that.
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Jul 28, 2018 14:20
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Solice Kirsk posted:There's people out there with no penis at all. I just think it would be really irresponsible of me to simply throw mine out like that. Why throw it out? Start a collection https://www.queerty.com/man-arrested-after-jars-and-jars-of-human-penises-discovered-in-his-apartment-20140816
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Jul 28, 2018 14:22
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GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:Why throw it out? Start a collection https://www.queerty.com/man-arrested-after-jars-and-jars-of-human-penises-discovered-in-his-apartment-20140816 Noooope. Not clicking that link.
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Jul 28, 2018 14:46
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Starving, horny kids in China would be lucky to... wait where am I going with this?
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Jul 28, 2018 15:16
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Right over there to have a loving seat, I think.
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Jul 28, 2018 15:19
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One of my favorite jokes was a friend of a friend yelling at me to finish my beer because there were sober kids in China.
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Jul 28, 2018 15:35
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quote:I was raised an extremely devout catholic. Later in life I learned about people who would flagellate themselves to cleanse themselves of sin. I was never satisfied by confession, it seems like such a cop-out these days where you are absolved of your sins just by saying some words a lot of times. I didn't feel cleansed. So I bought a cat o'nine tails and started whipping myself until i couldn't take it anymore. I have scars all over my body and i've even been hospitalized once because a wound i couldn't treat on my back got infected. I refused to tell them how all the scars happened and they suspected my parents unfortunately, but I assured them it wasn't them. quote:I've just been told my sick girlfriend is going to die soon. She doesn't know. Her parents don't want to tell her for fear of upsetting her. I had thought she was getting better until they told me. I have to stay cheery and positive on the phone whenever I talk to her and it's eating me up inside.
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Jul 29, 2018 14:48
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Solice Kirsk posted:One of my favorite jokes was a friend of a friend yelling at me to finish my beer because there were sober kids in China. Welp, as good an excuse as any!
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Jul 29, 2018 15:25
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Maybe the laws are different in other countries but doctors have to tell you if you're dying in America. They can't, like, tell your parents and not you.
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Jul 29, 2018 15:29
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H.H posted:Anyway, it is quickly not becoming enough.
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Jul 29, 2018 15:33
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There's a thing they do in the Philippines around Easter where they re-enact the stations of the cross with a guy playing Jesus and at the end of it all he is actually crucified (carefully, in as close to a medically safe way as possible, and for a brief time). Maybe look into that, OP https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion_in_the_Philippines
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Jul 29, 2018 15:35
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Splicer posted:See thread title? Yeah if god isn't satisfied with a dick sacrifice I don't know what will make him happy.
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Jul 29, 2018 15:42
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What the hell kind of sins is this guy committing if flaying his back isnt pennance enough??
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Jul 29, 2018 15:59
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Danaru posted:What the hell kind of sins is this guy committing if flaying his back isnt pennance enough?? Given the stereotype of ultra-penitent religious men, my guess is "thought about having sex with a man".
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Jul 29, 2018 16:05
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Danaru posted:What the hell kind of sins is this guy committing if flaying his back isnt pennance enough?? None. He's just broke brained: "Although the most acute judges of the witches and even the witches themselves, were convinced of the guilt of witchery, the guilt nevertheless was non-existent. It is thus with all guilt."
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Jul 29, 2018 16:07
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Definitely cut your dick off penance goon. Either it absolves your sins (nice!) or solves other problems you might be having (relationships etc) there’s no downsides really
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Jul 29, 2018 16:14
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sugar free jazz posted:Definitely cut your dick off penance goon. Either it absolves your sins (nice!) or solves other problems you might be having (relationships etc) there’s no downsides really plus, if the Laundry Files have taught me anything, if you cut off your dick you can get a demon dick grafted on so you can spread the word of god more effectively.
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Jul 29, 2018 19:33
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"And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." -Matthew 5:30 god says cut your dick off
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Jul 30, 2018 07:57
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Son of Man posted:"And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." Actually rather I think god is saying cut off your right hand so you stop jacking it so much..
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Jul 30, 2018 14:45
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DandyLion posted:Actually rather I think god is saying cut off your right hand so you stop jacking it so much.. Cut both, just to be sure. Wouldn't want to anger God.
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Jul 30, 2018 14:49
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DandyLion posted:Actually rather I think god is saying cut off your right hand so you stop jacking it so much.. dare you question the authority bestowed upon me by my incredible user name/post combo?!? blasphemer
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Jul 30, 2018 15:35
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Son of Man posted:dare you question the authority bestowed upon me by my incredible user name/post combo?!? What about if I do it?
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Jul 30, 2018 16:19
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I think we are gonna need gods input as well. any god really
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Jul 30, 2018 16:21
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Blood for the blood god?
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Jul 30, 2018 16:21
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america is such an insane country that if the christian confession was posted anywhere but in SA I legitimately would not be able to tell whether it was real or a parody also goon with the dying gf, I'm very sorry. but also that's kind of weird that the doctor didn't tell her, unless she's a minor
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Jul 30, 2018 16:39
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quote:Mission summary: I was my sister's wedding sniper quote:So I've written in a couple times. The first was long, long ago. In one of the 1st iterations of this thread. I said I planned to rape someone if I didn't lose my virginity by 21. 21 came and went, but shortly after I did lose my virginity - rape free.
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Jul 30, 2018 17:03
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That first one is so loving dumb I wouldn't be surprised if he copy pasted it from some facebook/whatever post where there was a "like and share if you know someone like this (bunch of laughing+crying emojis)". My overall response to it is "no you didn't". You don't even need to nitpick the details like with some of the less contrived ones. If anything happened it was something like "wouldn't it be funny if ____" and the rest happened in the poster's head. Nobody is idiotic enough to openly threaten murder and fire an actual gun over the heads of a wedding audience.
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Jul 30, 2018 17:10
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yeah I eat rear end posted:Nobody is idiotic enough to openly threaten murder and fire an actual gun over the heads of a wedding audience. have you looked at america lately
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Jul 30, 2018 17:26
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yeah I eat rear end posted:Nobody is idiotic enough to openly threaten murder and fire an actual gun over the heads of a wedding audience. I wish I was like you. What I mean is, not an American living in the United States.
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Jul 30, 2018 17:29
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Don't worry second fesher, we were all edgey tortured sixteen year olds once.quote:21 came and went
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Jul 30, 2018 17:39
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Sniper goon, did you REALLY put a hole in a clay plate from 30 metres with an air rifle? Thats like 100 feet. The Benny 392 is a good, accurate gun, but a 14.3 grain pellet fired at an average speed of 640 FPS is like 13 Foot pounds of energy at the muzzle. I doubt it has that much energy at 100 feet to put a hole in anything but a paper plate. Not to mention, the way you've got it worded, it seems like you're 30 metres behind the guests, which should put the priest even further away... I call bullshit.
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Jul 30, 2018 18:16
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"where is the bride's brother? shouldn't he be in the wedding party?" "oh, he's...somewhere...heh heh heh..."
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Jul 30, 2018 18:44
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Shooting your Red Rider bb gun at your sister's wedding is something I would expect of a 1950's 9 year old. I can't shake the image of a grown man stuffed into a child's cowboy outfit with a tiny plastic cowboy hat secured on his giant head with the elastic band digging deep into his puffy giant cheeks.
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Jul 30, 2018 18:50
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also i'm having trouble coming up with the angles exactly where a sniper hidden in the woods behind the wedding can shoot a clay plate out of the priest's hand without aiming into the audience
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Jul 30, 2018 18:57
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Sagebrush posted:also i'm having trouble coming up with the angles exactly where a sniper hidden in the woods behind the wedding can shoot a clay plate out of the priest's hand without aiming into the audience He's behind the audience (not the officiant).
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Jul 30, 2018 18:58
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oh, okay, so he's aiming a rifle at the couple cool cool cool
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Jul 30, 2018 19:02
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There aren't enough rolleyes on the whole internet
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Jul 30, 2018 19:07
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wesleywillis posted:Sniper goon, did you REALLY put a hole in a clay plate from 30 metres with an air rifle? you think a .22 can't break a plate at 100 feet? surely you can find a less plausible detail to seize upon. this is probably the dumbest confession in the thread. murder-fetishists goon: shut up. you are not interesting or special or edgy. this garbage you read at the library and watch on netflix is so abundant because there are millions of pathetic white males like yourself who can't get enough of it. you are hosed in the head. you need more self esteem and meaningful human interaction in your life. you will find that these things only interest you because of your lack of humanity
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Jul 30, 2018 19:12
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y'all need to chill and stop tripping over each other to point out that the obviously fake confession is fake just have a laugh and go back to your user control panel like a normal person, jeez
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Jul 30, 2018 19:28
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tactlessbastard posted:There aren't enough rolleyes on the whole internet try this on for size https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfelqZpapZA
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Jul 30, 2018 19:50
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