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Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Jul 31, 2018 |
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Jul 31, 2018 06:59
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I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t realize this is the most blessed thread
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Jul 31, 2018 07:09
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Here's a crab I drew ages ago that I posted in another thread but this thread is like specifically for this kinda thing so  And a version a friend did of it when they saw it  If you have any crabs with shell mounted weapons, i need them
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Jul 31, 2018 07:10
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Mr.Tophat posted:Here's a crab I drew ages ago that I posted in another thread but this thread is like holy poo poo!!!
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Jul 31, 2018 07:13
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Welp, that does it. I'm gonna post a story about a giant scifi battlecrab. Need some time to think about it though. We actually talked about this some waaaaay earlier in the thread and I refused to post what I've already written and I still won't post it (on account of the fact that I'm still workshopping that specific story and trying to get it published), but after seeing all these images of gun-laden crabs I'm inclined to write something more condensed for the thread.
Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 07:25 on Jul 31, 2018 |
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Jul 31, 2018 07:19
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Honky Dong Country posted:Welp, that does it. I'm gonna post a story about a giant scifi battlecrab. Need some time to think about it though. We actually talked about this some waaaaay earlier in the thread and I refused to post what I've already written and I still won't post it (on account of the fact that I'm still workshopping that specific story and trying to get it published), but after seeing all these images of gun-laden crabs I'm inclined to write something more condensed for the thread. Need a hand with the writing? I literally have a degree in this poo poo, let's write about crabs Sinister sideways does the crab bring violent portends, reload his missile launcher, tell a friend.
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Jul 31, 2018 07:27
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Mr.Tophat posted:Need a hand with the writing? I literally have a degree in this poo poo, let's write about crabs Honestly I prolly won't go so far as needing a competent editor for the sake of this thread. I just have the urge to pump out a But yeah don't go setting expectations, cause I need a little time, but gently caress it I'm gonna post some battlecrab poo poo ITT soon.
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Jul 31, 2018 07:32
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Honky Dong Country posted:Honestly I prolly won't go so far as needing a competent editor for the sake of this thread. I just have the urge to pump out a Excellent. Alright, I'm going to start writing now and we'll see who gets put into a crab trap first, I promise nothing but to write until the words become salad
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Jul 31, 2018 07:34
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Fuuuuck battlecrab fiction showdown ITT!!!!
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Jul 31, 2018 07:35
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Almost there mate, first draft done.
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Jul 31, 2018 09:00
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Note: Not entirely confident with the tense of this, but sod it, here it is. I can't write anymore on this today. Have a story about a massive crab: Gleaming and wide does the killer crab roam the wasteland, it's eyes set upon the rising mushroom clouds in some forgotten place that used to be known as a, “cool place to burn one at four in the morning.” Not that this crab could appreciate a good cigarette, the irradiated wasteland was flavour country enough for him at this point. If this crab could think in such ways it might muse, 'No need for cartons, just co-ordinates,' and laugh. But this crab does not laugh, nor does it muse. This crab reloads. Upon and across the vast breadth of the exo-skeleton small devices receive their instructions to influence what remains, many blown clean off from the shockwaves from the display freshly created. Those that cling on relay what messages come and what damage has been done. They tap with a frenzy and scratch with aplomb to make their messages known. Primitive calculations pass between motor, shell, mandible and brain. A vast claw looms heavy and ponderous. Calm eyes upon the target. The reassuring weight of a warhead shouldered and chambered. No burden here except the world to crush. Even as the devices that adorn the citadel of carapace make their will known by ever wilder motions, the fortress does not hurry itself. The weaponry which could once be described as bristling with world ending potential was now a solitary barrel with world ending potential. That potential was presently being checked by subroutines and parasites that the crab neither understood nor cared for. The great shell heaves as legs make motion and a warhead begins to countdown, already the crab braces for the immense blast of flame that will result from the ignition, let alone the blast. Yet what it receives is not the pre-mature firing of his arsenal by some miscalculation or malfunction, nor more serene moments to observe the battlefield being bombarded brutally, but instead a flash of searing percussive pain is introduced to the vast decapod. Bullets patter across the vast claw, making sounds akin to hail upon tin roof. Calm eye upon the target, calm eye upon the flash within the sky. Another salvo of bullets spray in ever increasing bursts as the aircraft makes it's dive to prevent the launch. More devices about the exo-skeleton mid-communique are perforated and made limp as the bullets grow wilder and closer with their savagery. And then...the vast claw that hung so ponderous did make itself known with a mighty grasping. Almost as if it were of no consequence to pluck a wildly firing dive bombing plane from the air, the crab regarded it. The claw itself had become damaged in places from the attack, cracked and besmirched by what now was firmly in its pincers. The crab saw with cold eyes it's own ichor flow slow, and felt the dull pain of combat made intimate. Another flash of pain greeted the vast beast as the pilot made more resistance known and found a few successful seconds of roaring gunfire...before all was ended with a single snip. The plane, no more, instead replaced by burning scrap which tumbled more beautifully to the ground than the plane had ever soared in the fallout rich air. As the remains of the engine made their final explosions and complaints, the warhead nestled within the beast's vast frame began to unleash. With the vibrations immense and a heat that could level concrete, the crab digs in and holds true as the payload takes flight. The devices about the shell communicate guidance as they try to hold onto their host's back in the present of such forces. The missile soars. Calm eyes observe the target. The killer crab could think that it had performed his task. The crab might have concluded that it had shelled the location well enough, that this display of carnage would be sufficient, that the dust would be allowed to settle and the deaths tallied. That there would be something else for it to see and partake in. Even as the warhead explodes, those calm eyes do not flinch. Figures become shadows, craters become valleys. Dust gives way to deadlier dust. One might think that another missile would be lost in all of this endless devastation and devoted wanton destruction, that after a certain point you could not scorch the earth any further. But this crab does not think upon such things, it does not gloat or weep, nor does it laugh or muse. This crab reloads.
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Jul 31, 2018 09:34
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The Spatterjay series by Neil Asher is mostly about deadly space crabs. It's p good
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Jul 31, 2018 09:35
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A God and His Children Lernak can only ever remember being old and living deep. He had been around when the common language among his kindred brakyuria had first surfaced as a system of mandible clicks and the bashing of claws on nearby rock and coral. He had lived among his kin for centuries as the varied species of crab had formed tribal groups and later small villages and burgs. He was ancient even then. When he grew disillusioned with the increasing complexity of his kin's evolving society he retreated to ever deeper depths. Cities of his crustacean kin rose and fell across ages as he slowly descended into the stygian depths of the world where there were ruins of structures built by things that existed even before Lernak's birth. There he lurked for longer than he could remember, following rich clusters of prey back and forth between the abyssal zones of his world and the more bright shallow seabeds. What Lernak didn't know is that his kin had never forgotten him. Warring cities of his more diminutive brakyuria kin had given way to empires. These empires had warred with one another until only one had remained: the Brakyurish Empire. The wars among the crustaceans were appalling in their savagery. Even in the modern era vast fields of the world's seabeds were littered with the shattered remains of crustacean shells. Through all the ages forgotten by Lernak and all the warring atrocities between crustacean states, Lernak was remembered. Even though he had forgotten them, his kindred brakyuria had remembered when their kind lived long enough to become titans like their now-mythical Lernak. Even though the ancient crab kept to his hermetic lifestyle, the world moved on around him and with it, evolution. Lernak lost track of time across the ages, even though his kin had never forgotten him. Myths and legends grew in the place left vacant by his centuries-long absence as one of the few remembered brakyuria that were old when crustacean society was still just the nascent kernel that would eventually explode into a true civilization. Centuries passed without his notice as he wandered in the abandoned spaces of the world. Lernak first became aware of the changes in the life of his world when he started encountering creatures in his shallower hunting grounds that didn't possess gills. They were excellent prey, being creatures large enough to hold enough air from the surface to dive as deep as even Lernak's most shallow hunting grounds. Though he had no conception of the passage of time anymore, over time these soft fleshy beasts seemed to cry out in a uniform pattern, as if using some kind of codified language that reminded Lernak of the systematic clicks and thumps against the seabed utilized by his smaller brakyurian kin so long ago. Lernak gave it no further thought and took advantage of the good hunting. To Lernak it was a short time spent in what he would call shallows devouring these fleshy beasts without gills. But what he did not know is that his gradual ascent to ever more shallow waters to hunt this seemingly new prey did not go unnoticed. After ages slowly moving to more shallow waters Lernak found himself face to face with a tiny specimen of the old kindred brakyuria. He recognized the creature as one of his own kind after so many years and let it scamper away in terror rather than devouring the tiny thing. The giant Lernak wandered along the shallows of his world in search of the fleshy beasts he'd been hunting for ages but as he ascended ever higher he found fewer of the creatures and was forced to sift through the seabad to filter nutrients from the shallow sands through his mandibles. After a while, he noticed a great scuttling tide moving toward him across the seabed and ceased his sifting through the sands of the seabed. As the water cleared with the cessation of his filtering through the sands Lernak observed the tide of little creatures swarming about his feet. It took him awhile to realize that these were kindred brakyuria. The tiny things flashed a dizzying array of lights at him. Even though the light show was annoying, Lernak had been around long enough to spot patterns in the light show. He knew it was some kind of language. His tiny kin were trying to communicate. Lernak clicked his mandibles together in the old language, sending terrifying waves of sound through miles of the ocean world. The swarm of his kind around his feet scrambled in panic. Lernak didn't move a single limb and instead repeated the mandible clicking, unleashing another wave of deafening noise. After that, Lernak fell silent. It was another decade of immobile silence by the reckoning of his tiny ancestors before Lernak received a reply that he understood. By that point his tiny brakyurian kin had gotten bold enough to clamber up his exoskeleton and had even started to build structures at various points along his legs and some kind of large-scale construction underneath his carapace. Lernak had recognized these creatures as his kin a decade ago and so didn't attack them or prey upon them, instead remaining immobile until the day that they found a way to make contact after deciphering the old percussion language. It was then that Lernak was informed that he was a god in the eyes of these tiny crustaceans. It had been ten thousand years since Lernak was last documented to have been walking among the living. They viewed his return to the shallows in pursuit of the large fleshy prey as an old god walking among the living and were even now building fortifications on his carapace bristling with weapon hardpoints to protect their newly rediscovered deity. Lernak slammed his great mandibles together in amusement, the sound of his communication in the ancient language permanently deafening the nearest supplicants. The great scuttling tide of his tiny kin had dispersed over time, leaving a smaller, dedicated core of crustaceans that split their time between building fortifications on the back of their rediscovered god and teaching him the silent mode of communication they now used through bio-luminescent glands grafted to their carapace. It took a long time and a great many supplicants permanently deafened by Lernak's archaic vocalizations before his modern brakyurian kin had not only grafted the bio-luminescent glands into Lernak's giant visage but taught him to communicate through them in the modern language. All throughout this process, his supplicants brought Lernak a steady stream of the great flesh-beast carcasses, already torn by a multitude of small wounds. Having been modified to truly communicate with his brakyurian kin at long last, Lernak was informed of the current state of things. Modern brakyurians were at most 1/200 his size at their largest. No specimen had reached titanic proportions much less his lifespan since his retreat into the deepest regions of the world during the tribal era. Lernak confirmed for his tiny kin in a rapid succession of flashing glandular lights that not even he had seen another brakyurian coming anywhere near his size or age. His smaller kin immediately confirmed this by hailing him as a god. Lernak bristled at the proclamation and slammed a giant claw against a nearby rock formation that towered over even his great frame. Lernak regained his composure and communicated to his kind that he was no god, he was just ancient. Lernak intimated that back then brakyurians grew as large as the food supply and prolonged survival allowed. At this, his smaller kin went silent. Finally a crustacean moved forward before Lernak. It was a large specimen for his kind, his shell studded with flamboyant colored stones and an intricate embedded latticework of refined metals. While this creature was a flea before Lernak, he didn't fail to recognize that this brakyurian was the pinnacle of his kind in the modern era and a hardened warrior. Harpoon throwers and torpedo tubes were grafted to its left claw, while the right was oversized with an enlarged metallic graft-claw supported by an array of machinery. The little creature was heralded by a strobing lightshow of glandular bio-luminescence, declaring it the supreme leader of the entire species. To the despot's credit it didn't hestitate in its march forward before the titanic Lernak. The leader of Lernak's descendants wasted no time. He explained that the fleshy beasts that Lernak had been hunting were not prey for their kind, but were the foremost threat to the brakyurians. They were mammoth air-breathing creatures who'd subjugated the more intelligent species of pescians and were masters of a continent-sized civilization. These filthy mammals, as the brakyurian despot called them, were large enough to patrol and attack with great devastating armaments that no brakyurian could possibly counter. Even worse was the smaller mammals that were used as fast attack lancers and the myriad schools of speedy pescians fitted with poniard spikes to penetrate brakyurian carapaces in suicide swarms. The despot told Lernak that these mammals only became viable prey in the world's deeps because his brakyurian kin were already being overrun. The despot prostrated himself before great Lernak and told him that this was why his people had flocked to him. Lernak was a god, a titan of old. He was unbreakable and unstoppable. Some cults had even prophesied that Lernak would be the great destroyer of their enemies. Lernak took all this in without a single click of his mandibles or even stimulating his newly grafted light glands. To his little kin Lernak seemed silent for a long time. Finally, Lernak shifted his gigantic frame and took a single thundering step. As his gigantic leg slammed into the seabed his newly grafted glands flashed a one-word question: "Where?" The brakyurian despot flashed a cascade of multicolored bio-luminescence at Lernak, pointing the titanic beast in the direction of the mammalian enemy before clambering up one of Lernak's colossal legs and taking up a post right between his god's eyes. It would be two years before the ancient crustacean reached the border of the mammalian empire and in that time his smaller kind had exponentially increased the scale of the construction upon his body. Great fortresses and towers rose across his back, bristling with heavy weapon hardpoints and vast sprawling honeycombs of clustered torpedo tubes. His tiny kin had carved channels in his legs and claws into which they laid an interwoven latticework of refined metals to reinforce his exoskeleton. Beneath Lernak's carapace they completed the construction they started so long ago. The finished product was some kind of tubular structure suspended from his body that ran the length of his carapace and even jutted out past his mandibles. This was connected via titanic cables to a great blister-like structure on the topside of the rear of his carapace that the great brakyurian despot had explained to him as a powerplant with the strength of a caged volcano to power the great weapon suspended beneath his colossal body. Lernak cared for none of this. He had lived longer than any of the things that had built their weapons on his legs and back, making him into a weapon of war. He had no understanding of his role as their returned god. All Lernak knew and cared for was that his kin needed his help, so he marched to protect them from what he assumed was a threat to their survival. After two long years he finally lumber across the border of the mammalian empire and finally caught his first glimpse of war. The mammals were waiting for them. Vast schools of tiny bladed and spiked pescians descended on Lernak and his tiny kin. While these swarms of deadly fish posed no threat to the titantic crustation, his smaller kin fought hard against them. Massive discharges of electricity bloomed outward from the fortifications on Lernak's back, fueled by the great power plant blister erected on his rear, slaying untold millions of pescian chattel. Behind the pescian swarms came fast moving porpoise lancers that inflicted incredible casualties on Lernak's little brothers roving across the seabed in his wake. These creatures were blindingly fast and unerringly accurate with their body-mounted break away lances, impaling brakyurian ground troopers in the most vulnerable portions of their bodies such as the joints of their limbs or even worse, their faces. And all the while gigantic whales slowly and gracefully circled far off in the distance, unleashing salvo after salvo of torpedoes and showers of miniaturized cluster harpoons coated in all manner of horrifying toxins. All the while Lernak strode through the maelstrom unimpeded, towering over the battlefield. Even the largest whales were but flies in the face of his assault. Unable to comprehend what they were dealing with, the mammals failed to even flee as Larnek's lumbering mass approached. He reached out at an almost stately pace and gripped various mammalian forms in his claws. Some he simply sheared into pieces like soft seaweed. Larger specimens such as whales he dragged into his mouthparts and calmly fed as the battle raged around him, no less casually than he would pick at a carrion corpse on the seabed when he was young. When Lernak passed through the battle at the border the mammalian armies fell back. He would't see them again until they reached the first stronghold of their empire. Lernak simply kept striding forward as a hellstorm of torpedoes sprayed from the array of fortresses and weapons emplacements across his body. He watched as the apocalyptic flurry of ordinance detonated just short of the amassed mammalian forces circling around the fortified city. The brakyurian despot strobed a complex array of lights before one of Lernak's eyes explaining that the city was shielded and that he should continue forward. Even had the despot not communicated a thing the great crustacean god would have simply kept striding forward. Once Lernak had closed the distance with the shielded city some, he started to sense a build-up of heat around the rear of his carapace. He could feel a great stream of water flooding into the blister housing the titantic power plant and jetting out the top superheated in turbulent gouts of steam so powerful even great Lernak felt uneasy at the energy he could feel building up in the structure. Soon the growing heat started to move into the long weapon beneath his carapace, building in the rear of the tubular weapon. As the heat grew to its most intense in the rear of the massive tubular weapon it started to even cause Lernak pain before finally it discharged in a massive beam of roaring energy that instantly boiled off the sea water it traveled through as it reached out for the city. The beam slammed against the shielding in a blinding cascade of energy. Lernak tried to draw his eye stalks in to shield them but it was too late. When the city's shields boomed out of existence and the beam penetrated to the interior Lernak caught the briefest glimpse of the entire thing disintegrating in a great roar of vaporizing sea water and the stacked stone of the vast city's structures before he lost the power of sight. Blinded, Lernak spoke in the ancient language, throwing the surviving soldiers on both sides all around him into a panic as their hearing was ruined. The great living god of the brakyurians raked his claws down the underside of his carapace, tearing the mighty weapon suspended beneath to ruin. Lernak continued slowly striding forward toward the blooming destruction of the mammalian city. Even though he was growing close to the superheated pocket of water where millions of lives used to reside, the greatest heat was coming from his own body. The giant blister on the rear of his carapace housing the power plant for the great weapon was overloading with the destruction Lernak had wreaked upon the instrument of destruction in his blind rage. It took an hour before it finally overloaded and engulfed the entire rear half of Lernak's body in a destructive inferno that dwarfed even the utter annihilation of the mammalian city. Even the great living god of the brakyurians could not withstand such a blow. An entire day later his titanic body finally slammed into the seabed, its rear half gone. Only then did the life go out of Lernak's eyes, having slowly experienced his own day-long demise. As the giant crustacean finally died, a slain god before the eyes of his tiny descendants, he thought on how troublesome life had become. He wished he had simply continued wandering between the relative shallows and the deep dark places where he was as hilariously blind in life as he now was before death. [not gonna lie I wrote this poo poo for the hell of it and didn't draft or edit a fuckin' thing, so there's prolly plenty of mistakes and instances where I could've prolly reduced the repetition of some words, but here we are. Like I'll be the first one to call this a garbage story but I wanted to write something about giant rear end war crabs so it's my brand of garbage and it was fun to write.] Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 11:15 on Jul 31, 2018 |
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Jul 31, 2018 10:45
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nice Well done! You have far more details for crabs than I do. Makes me want to play Universe at War or something.
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Jul 31, 2018 11:26
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Gotta say your poo poo is bleak as gently caress and that's by no means a complaint.
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Jul 31, 2018 11:49
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Mr.Tophat posted:Here's a crab I drew ages ago that I posted in another thread but this thread is like Was this for Zoofights?
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Jul 31, 2018 12:06
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Who What Now posted:Was this for Zoofights? Nope. It's actually based on a unit from a game called KKND on the evolved side. Hence the logo on the bottom right friend.
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Jul 31, 2018 12:15
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Honky Dong Country posted:Gotta say your poo poo is bleak as gently caress and that's by no means a complaint.  Really like the beginning of your story, especially with the difference in languages between the crabs. I could envision all of the deafenings and constructions really well. It was nice to read something with some charm in it, I know I can go pretty hardcore with the bleakness. I blame years of listening to metal, playing Red Alert 2 and KKND, and re-watching The Thing. That and it's a lot easier for me to write, "And then...it got worse, the black and white television turned to black and grey," when it comes down to it 
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Jul 31, 2018 12:29
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Thunderdome 2: CRABS ONLY!!!
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Jul 31, 2018 14:16
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Mr.Tophat posted:Nope. gently caress yeah, KKND! That's what keeps coming to mind whenever you guys post war-crabs. Excellent contributions from you both! Blessed be the crabbish hellscapes spawned forth herein 
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Jul 31, 2018 15:06
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Bust Rodd posted:I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t realize this is the most blessed thread
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Jul 31, 2018 15:16
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 also, cool stories   
ekuNNN fucked around with this message at 17:39 on Jul 31, 2018 |
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Jul 31, 2018 16:15
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Aug 1, 2018 05:14
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FagrPCnXns0 Ah, the Yoshi flutter.
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Aug 1, 2018 05:17
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Mitten crabs carry liver flukes that don’t die in boiling water. They also love to burrow and collapse dikes and levies. This crab really sticks it to the man.
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Aug 1, 2018 12:55
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This is truly the best thread on SA
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Aug 1, 2018 14:23
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Pentaro posted:Ah, the Yoshi flutter. 
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Aug 1, 2018 14:43
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mwv90m3N2Y
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Aug 1, 2018 14:45
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Lonely on the subway? Visit the friending machine!
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Aug 1, 2018 21:26
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https://twitter.com/ClickHole/status/1024668847658479616
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Aug 2, 2018 04:02
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God drat, and I thought I couldn’t regret registering to vote more than now.
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Aug 2, 2018 04:22
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spiders are just vanmpire crabs (cranmpire)
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Aug 2, 2018 04:24
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naem posted:spiders are just vanmpire crabs (cranmpire) Vampire crabs are p cool. Spiders...eh (too many black widows out here, no thanks).
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Aug 2, 2018 05:02
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/https://www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/news/gta/2018/05/10/crustaceans-sitting-in-their-own-ttc-subway-seats-leave-commuters-crabby/crabsttc.jpg)
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Aug 2, 2018 21:14
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipg4EL_JUyE
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Aug 2, 2018 22:02
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I waa reading the GBS weight loss thread and was wondering why no one was reacting to some goon's strange post about this new diet that let him eat as many crabs as he pleased. When it said something about potatoes being THE ultimate morning crab, I realised that my brain is shrinking. Thanks, thread.
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Aug 3, 2018 12:46
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Eating all the crab you wanted would be good for you. Protein baby!
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Aug 3, 2018 14:51
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https://i.imgur.com/VzAXQxs.gifv
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Aug 3, 2018 16:44
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Pretty sure that crab said “that’s right, bitch!” At the end. I heard it.
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Aug 3, 2018 17:00
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| # ? May 30, 2024 12:12 |
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Sometimes you get the crab, sometimes the sea-pupper comes from nowhere and gets you.
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Aug 3, 2018 17:02
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