/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

torchy's is ok at best

# ? Aug 15, 2018 19:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 10:07

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

When I [F22] put make up on, do my hair and wear nice clothes I'm still invisible to men and a friend commented I look "rough". Reddit should I just accept I'm ugly and probably forever alone?

quote:

I decided to put make up on and do my hair nicely and wear fashionable pretty clothes. I usually don't do this because somewhere in my mind I know it doesn't work. Make up and clothes can't do away with having a very ugly face. I usually go make up free in lovely clothes and don't give a gently caress about anything but today I thought I should change it up a bit.

So I did and then I went out with a friend. It doesn't start well, she comments that I look "rough" and I'm like yeah I know, but I tried looking good and she goes "well yeah that's good I guess". During this whole time men stare at my friend and smile. A guy even comes up to help her because she is carrying her heavy bag. Meanwhile I'm ignored the whole day. Men don't give a gently caress about me even when I'm all dressed up and fancy. They don't look at me and definitely don't initiate a conversation or something. Meanwhile my friends are all getting attention left and right.

I'm simply an ugly looking piece of poo poo who is going to die alone, I actually rather kill myself before that.

Is this how life is going to be for me? Have I lost out in life? Is there actually anything worse than being an ugly piece of poo poo woman?

Tldr: Invisible when I'm in my lovely clothes, invisible when I'm in my fancy clothes and make up. I'm just an ugly piece of poo poo woman who doesn't deserve anything good in this life

commenter posted:

/r/makeupaddiction /r/femalefashionadvice before everything. You might need some help in that department or your friend might just be being deliberately unpleasant.

The lack of attention from men is just as likely to be your own body language as much as your appearance (no judgment, it's a problem I have also had. If your body language is off it really changes the way others treat you). I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case simply because of the attitude of your "friend"

OP posted:

What the gently caress does body language have to do with anything, just stop. Looks is everything

# ? Aug 15, 2018 19:41

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Buzkashi posted:

When I [F22] put make up on, do my hair and wear nice clothes I'm still invisible to men and a friend commented I look "rough". Reddit should I just accept I'm ugly and probably forever alone?

Take your hair out of its ponytail and take off your glasses, within minutes you will be invited to your demographic equivalent for prom

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:10

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:17

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Buzkashi posted:

When I [F22] put make up on, do my hair and wear nice clothes I'm still invisible to men and a friend commented I look "rough". Reddit should I just accept I'm ugly and probably forever alone?

I tried for a day and didnt see the results I wanted. Life is hopeless.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:18

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Do I legally have to do an interview for my friend�s security clearance?

quote:

I got called for an interview by an investigator for my friend�s security clearance. He�s called and left a message 3 times, but I don�t want to do the interview. Am I allowed to not respond or politely decline the interview?

quote:

[�]cmhbob 182 points 7 days ago
Did your friend ask you if they could list you? If so, did you object then?

[�]miniolly16[S] 219 points 7 days ago
She asked me and I said no. And then a few months later she notified me that she put me down

OP posted:

I am perfectly fine with my background. I never listed her as a reference back when I received my clearance because I do not trust her at all, she would do anything to sabotage me; she�s always been jealous of me (never truly happy for me as a friend should be), she lies all the time about little things, and has betrayed my trust multiple times throughout the course of knowing her. She has some redeeming qualities and we�ve grown up knowing each other, so we�ve stayed friends out of convenience and because i just don�t want to deal with the confrontation, but I still have some trust issues with her overall. We actually just had another fight last week because I found out she was trying to meet up with my boyfriend while I was out of the country (long story they have a history together, so it was totally out of line). However, these issues I have with her are all personal matters, which is why I don�t want to get involved with her career life, I will answer truthfully if I have to do the interview, but I don�t want to be a terrible person and potentially ruin her career. I just don�t want to be involved at all.

OP posted:

Yeah, but she doesn�t seem to act this way to her other friends or treat them like she has done to me in the past. It�s just a reoccurring problem we�ve had between us, and I�m not sure why I�m targeted by her for this kind of behavior, but anyways, I just want to continue on moving forward with my life and not getting involved in hers, as long as it�s okay for me to decline this interview.

And it turns out OP has a previous post about this friend:
My [23F] close friend [23F] texted my boyfriend [26M] to hangout with her while I was out of the country without telling me(self.relationship_advice)

quote:

I have sort of a bumpy history with this friend, she has tried to sabotage some of my past relationships before (calling guys i dated without telling me and saying crazy things about me), but always told me that I was �misinterpreting� her actions. We had fights and I thought we moved past everything and she would stop interfering with my relationships.

Anyways, my current problem is that I went out of the country for a vacation last weekend with my other best friend (her roommate), and I found out when I got back that she had randomly texted my boyfriend asking him out to a baseball game, claiming it was because she had an extra ticket. She didn�t text any of our mutual girl or single guy friends (who love sports), just my boyfriend. First of all, my BF is very vocal about how much he hates sports. Second of all, she has never invited him to anything ever and they are not friends. She did say her other friends (me and my BF do NOT know her other friends) were going to be at the baseball game. My boyfriend showed me the text messages saying I�d probably want to know that she texted him while I was gone, and basically they were along the lines of �I was just thinking about you and had an extra ticket and wanted to see if you wanted to go with me since you�re all alone this weekend�. When he responded no thanks, etc. she said �oh it got rained out anyways, that�s too bad�. It was almost like she was asking my boyfriend on a date or trying to borrow him for the day and tried to play it cool when he rejected her. He barely knows her and he doesn�t know any of her college friends, so he would have had to been by her side the entire game.

She never asked me if it was okay to ask him and never told me that she did ask him. It seemed like she only did this because me and my best friend (her roommate) were out of the country for the weekend. The perfect chance for something to just happen between her and my boyfriend and for no one to find out (her roommate being gone).

I felt like she was hoping to get him to come to her place, and was going to convince him that her other friends would meet them there, then the game would get rained out, she�d offer him wine and make him dinner, then who knows what would have happened. I tried to talk to her about it in calm way, saying how i wish she would have at least asked me/told me and how it hurt my feelings, and she got super defensive and angry and fake apologized while also saying it wasn�t a big deal. My boyfriend agreed with her that it wasn�t a big deal and that he liked that she thought of him, but he never would have gone because he didn�t like sports. I wasn�t super thrilled with his response. I felt like I trusted him before all of this, but finding out that they had been texting each other and how he didn�t really take my side or understand why I was hurt and that he only didn�t want to go because he doesn�t like sports, made me question whether something did happen or has gone on between them while we�ve been together. I just feel confused and upset. Any thoughts or advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. I know it might seem like an overreaction, but she has made some subtle advances towards him (that he�s been oblivious to) in the recent past when we visited her at her new house.

Another thing to note is that this friend and my boyfriend has a one night stand 2 years before him and I started dating, so it�s not like there wasn�t an attraction between them ever, hence more of my suspicion.

TLDR; my friend (who has hooked up with my boyfriend before we dated), asked my boyfriend out to a baseball game while I was out of town for the weekend, I don�t know if I�m overthinking this or if something is happening between them. Advice on what you think or what to do is appreciated.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:19

Maggie Fletcher: Jul 19, 2009; Getting brunch is more important to me than other peoples lives.

Nessa posted:

My husband and I have a very good friend who is a helpful type. He cooks us dinner fairly often and regularly cleans my kitchen. A few weeks ago, he came over with cleaning supplies and scrubbed my toilets. (I thought he was just bringing some supplies for me.)

He would make a girl very happy someday if he were interested in dating. He has no interest right now, so until then, I will enjoy having a friend who likes to come over and cook for me and clean my house. He has earned the nickname �Jeeves� (a different friend of ours calls him this). We don�t ask him to do any of this, but I turn my back for a second and he�s cleaned my dishes.

My roommate is like this. He always says he wishes he had gone to butler school, and truthfully he would've been awesome at it. I'll mention a friend coming to visit and suddenly the house is neat as a pin and there are fresh flowers and extra wine around. It's like living with Cinderella's mouse helpers. It's great but leaves me feeling really guilty. Now he's struggling with some stress at work and I'm trying to find a way (besides getting to the cleaning before he gets a chance) to cheer him up.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:25

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Maggie Fletcher posted:

My roommate is like this. He always says he wishes he had gone to butler school, and truthfully he would've been awesome at it. I'll mention a friend coming to visit and suddenly the house is neat as a pin and there are fresh flowers and extra wine around. It's like living with Cinderella's mouse helpers. It's great but leaves me feeling really guilty. Now he's struggling with some stress at work and I'm trying to find a way (besides getting to the cleaning before he gets a chance) to cheer him up.

Buy him some tails.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:27

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Maggie Fletcher posted:

My roommate is like this. He always says he wishes he had gone to butler school, and truthfully he would've been awesome at it. I'll mention a friend coming to visit and suddenly the house is neat as a pin and there are fresh flowers and extra wine around. It's like living with Cinderella's mouse helpers. It's great but leaves me feeling really guilty. Now he's struggling with some stress at work and I'm trying to find a way (besides getting to the cleaning before he gets a chance) to cheer him up.

Leave him a list of chores. Alternately, do not try to broker peace with the Nazis and make him feel as if he had squandered his life.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:29

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Maggie Fletcher posted:

My roommate is like this. He always says he wishes he had gone to butler school, and truthfully he would've been awesome at it. I'll mention a friend coming to visit and suddenly the house is neat as a pin and there are fresh flowers and extra wine around. It's like living with Cinderella's mouse helpers. It's great but leaves me feeling really guilty. Now he's struggling with some stress at work and I'm trying to find a way (besides getting to the cleaning before he gets a chance) to cheer him up.

Might I recommend striking fear into the hearts of criminals and cleaning out the rotten heart of Gotham?

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:30

JaneError: Feb 4, 2016; how would i even breathe on the moon?

Love me some Weddingbee crazy

I want a ring, he wants to move in first with a "trial" ring

quote:

Hey Bees,

I�m in a bit of a predicament and I really need some advice. Long story short: I�m about to be 32, I was previously in a 10 year relationship (and engaged), my ex fiance left me/cheated, and I�ve been with my (new) boyfriend for 1.5 years.

As with my first relationship, my values/rule is that I want to be engaged before I move in with someone. I really want that �real� commitment from them and am not willing to budge. My boyfriend who is from a different culture than me has the exact opposite view. He already lived with a past girlfriend for 2 years (they bought a house together) and WEREN�T engaged. So of course this is his expectation.

He understands my values and said he�s willing to get engaged before moving in, BUT he doesn�t want to get an expensive ring. Something cheap, �see how it goes and if we can live together� THEN buy whatever engagement ring I want. (Side note: My first ring was my dream ring. I have high expectations for my ring and will spend the same on the wedding band should I get married).

I�m so upset and have cried too much over this. He wants to get me a crappy TRIAL ring just to get me to move in? He said he doesn�t want to buy an expensive ring in case it doesn�t work out because then he�s out the money. And he quickly pointed out what am I investing? He doesn�t get anything (an engagement ring) so how is it fair that he has to fork out all this money and I don�t.

I�m devastated. After having a 10 year relationship end so badly and thinking I�d never be able to find someone again, this problem now arises. I�ve been very down. Part of me feels like I�ll never get married.

Anyway I�m hoping for some opinions. Much appreciated.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:40

AnimeIsTrash: Jun 30, 2018

Haifisch posted:

Do I legally have to do an interview for my friend�s security clearance?

What a lovely situation to be in. I had someone pull something similar on me although we were both on good terms so I just went ahead and did the interview.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:43

Barudak: May 7, 2007

JaneError posted:

Love me some Weddingbee crazy

I want a ring, he wants to move in first with a "trial" ring

Have you considered that both of you are insane and everyone else wants you all to get married and stay together forever?

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

AnimeIsTrash posted:

What a lovely situation to be in. I had someone pull something similar on me although we were both on good terms so I just went ahead and did the interview.

seriously, just do the loving interview. it's not a big deal to be a decent person even if it's annoying.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:46

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

blugu64 posted:

Overrated tacos from Austin

hawowanlawow posted:

torchy's is ok at best

You don't just drop this without saying the other, better places you moogs.

Taco Shack is okay, there's some good taquerias I know, San Antonio has better than Austin could dream of etc. etc. but gimme other tacos to eat!!

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:48

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Charles Get-Out posted:

You don't just drop this without saying the other, better places you moogs.

actually im the son of moog, and i have a drat name

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:50

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

JaneError posted:

Love me some Weddingbee crazy

I want a ring, he wants to move in first with a "trial" ring

I read through the thread. They've been dating 1.5 years and they are already in therapy and she still wears her old engagement ring on her right hand that was 11k. She doesn't want a "crappy" $1,500 ring.

I think that woman is getting engaged for the wrong reasons. She literally didn't express concern for anything besides the low cost of the ring.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:50

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Pick posted:

seriously, just do the loving interview. it's not a big deal to be a decent person even if it's annoying.

I guess but why should she lie for this person?

She�s not wrong to want to get involved but that ship has sailed.

Just do the interview don�t embellish but don�t lie :shrug:

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:52

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Leon Einstein posted:

I read through the thread. They've been dating 1.5 years and they are already in therapy and she still wears her old engagement ring on her right hand that was 11k. She doesn't want a "crappy" $1,500 ring.

I think that woman is getting engaged for the wrong reasons. She literally didn't express concern for anything besides the low cost of the ring.

Dude has picked a hell of a clever way to get her to dump him and have it be her fault

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:55

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Leon Einstein posted:

I read through the thread. They've been dating 1.5 years and they are already in therapy and she still wears her old engagement ring on her right hand that was 11k. She doesn't want a "crappy" $1,500 ring.

I think that woman is getting engaged for the wrong reasons. She literally didn't express concern for anything besides the low cost of the ring.

Jesus. That might as well be an 11K red flag she wears like a Superman cape.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:56

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Buy her an exact replica of her current engagement ring but made of cheap glass then propose with that.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:57

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Jesus. That might as well be an 11K red flag she wears like a Superman cape.

I can sort of understand someone doing that if their fiance died in an accident or something, but no, this guy cheated on her and left her devastated. Better wear a daily reminder of my heartbreak because it was expensive and people will think I'm rich and classy.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 20:58

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Interviewer isn't gonna give a poo poo about that petty bullshit even if she tells him. Hes looking for exploitable things like addictions, debts, foreign relations, or criminal tendencies. "She is hatching a plan to bang my boyfriend" is of no concern.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:04

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

depending on what the clearance is for infidelity and the kind of judgement that leads to citing someone who despises you and asked not to be cited as a reference would be factors

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:06

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Leon Einstein posted:

I can sort of understand someone doing that if their fiance died in an accident or something, but no, this guy cheated on her and left her devastated. Better wear a daily reminder of my heartbreak because it was expensive and people will think I'm rich and classy.

But you see:

quote:

Also keeping in mind that my current boyfriend makes nearly double the salary that my ex did when he bought me the ring.

That fiend! He can clearly afford to get her another $11K ring!

It reminds me of that one post where OP's girlfriend was saying she would only accept a big honkin' real diamond and would have it appraised to ensure it wasn't moissanite, and was adamant it should have a pricetag of at least 25K.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:09

Barudak: May 7, 2007

LadyPictureShow posted:

But you see:

That fiend! He can clearly afford to get her another $11K ring!

It reminds me of that one post where OP's girlfriend was saying she would only accept a big honkin' real diamond and would have it appraised to ensure it wasn't moissanite, and was adamant it should have a pricetag of at least 25K.

Is wishing for her untimely demise is wrong I don't wanna be right

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:10

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

commenter posted:

/r/makeupaddiction /r/femalefashionadvice before everything. You might need some help in that department or your friend might just be being deliberately unpleasant.

The lack of attention from men is just as likely to be your own body language as much as your appearance (no judgment, it's a problem I have also had. If your body language is off it really changes the way others treat you). I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case simply because of the attitude of your "friend"

Thats some real boilerplate and probably not very helpful advi...

quote:

OP posted:

What the gently caress does body language have to do with anything, just stop. Looks is everything

..ce you know what commenter is probably on to something there

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:12

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

MarcusSA posted:

I guess but why should she lie for this person?

She’s not wrong to want to get involved but that ship has sailed.

Just do the interview don’t embellish but don’t lie

She shouldn't lie, no one asked her to lie that's her own stupid idea.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:16

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

Maggie Fletcher posted:

My roommate is like this. He always says he wishes he had gone to butler school, and truthfully he would've been awesome at it. I'll mention a friend coming to visit and suddenly the house is neat as a pin and there are fresh flowers and extra wine around. It's like living with Cinderella's mouse helpers. It's great but leaves me feeling really guilty. Now he's struggling with some stress at work and I'm trying to find a way (besides getting to the cleaning before he gets a chance) to cheer him up.

Our friend used to live with us for a while until he bought his own place in the same neighbourhood, so we still see him all the time.

Sometimes I�d be in my office and he�d come down with a plate of food for me, asking if I wanted a snack.

He doesn�t do much baking, so I�ve tried baking some stuff for him, like bread and cakes.

I got a poster framed for him at my work, and along with the money he owed me, he brought a box of Golden Oreos because I briefly mentioned earlier that they were my favourite kind of Oreos.

Just last week, he took me out to lunch and ice cream and then watched a movie together because he had the day off. And on the weekend, he kept me company at my anime convention table, brought me lunch and helped me pack up.

He�s too good of a friend.

Beyond making him more bread and cakes to show my appreciation, I don�t know what to do to reciprocate his kindness.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:40

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

quote:

She cheated in a drunken 3some after 5 month intense relationship and claiming she loved me. I loved her too and decided to forgive her. 7 months later I'm not over it and wondering if I ever will

*TL;DR GF cheated months ago and I'm not over it but really love her. Do I end things before I get in deeper or find a way to let it go. *

So we [M39] and [F22] started seeing each other while ending other relationships. Not great but we were both intensely unhappy and found solace in each other that felt like oxygen. Despite big age gap we both get on really well and end up going exclusive pretty quick.

After 5 months of intense and beautiful time together I was heading off on a lads holiday. On the eve of the flight she visits a friend (who she had previously "got with" [she's bi] but had insisted was just a friend now). Things get drunk and despite me warning her during text conversations she ends up in a threesome with friend and some random bloke. (she claims it wasn't quite a threesome because she felt drunk/ill as it got started, but gives me all the lying signs when she tells me this so assume it was a full on romp and she's too ashamed and proud to tell me.)

So I'm hugely upset of course and go through all the emotions - rejection, shame, anger sadness and of curse betrayal. After few days of back and forth and her insisting she will change (and while on holiday) I decide to forgive her on condition she sees a therapist (paid by me as she's young and can't afford it) and cuts contact with friend.

She does this and things go okay for a while but I get the sense she doesn't realise what she's done and how (I feel that ) I've been generously forgiving: - Gets really upset/angry if I'm triggered and refeeling sad/hurt, says I should be over it and I'm unforgiving. - 2 months later exchanges messages with the random bloke - Exchanges messages with previous fling after I said I was uncomfortable with it.

BUT

She is also: - incredibly loving, kind, thoughtful and sweet - matched backgrounds, sense of humour, sex drives, intellectually, emotionally etc. - has spoken about me to her mum as her bf (tricky given age gap) - talks about our future - we get in as a pair of besties - amazing in many ways and I love her.

So I'm stuck in a horrible place where:

I often feel the pain of 7 months ago acutely, but feel unable to surface it and feel distrustful and am unsure ill be able to change this sense given her apparent lack of sympathy (she's emotional sensitive in many other ways)

I love her, have fun with her, and want to explore a real future with her, as does she with me.

SO

This has become an extreme version of hating the person you love.

*Please help me work out some options and things I could try? *

The 40 year old guy has so much in common with a 22 year old.

I feel like this dude has a lot in common with that 50 year old "scene dad" in that picture that's floating around the internet.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:45

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Nessa posted:

Beyond making him more bread and cakes to show my appreciation, I don�t know what to do to reciprocate his kindness.

please tell them how much their effort means to you. you don't have to even do anything just tell them, out loud, what an impact they have on your life.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 21:48

pooch516: Mar 10, 2010

QuarkJets posted:

She shouldn't lie, no one asked her to lie that's her own stupid idea.

She shouldn't even be friends with this person based on the follow-up comments/stories.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 22:01

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Leon Einstein posted:

The 40 year old guy has so much in common with a 22 year old.

VDs mostly

# ? Aug 15, 2018 22:01

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Leon Einstein posted:

The 40 year old guy has so much in common with a 22 year old.

I feel like this dude has a lot in common with that 50 year old "scene dad" in that picture that's floating around the internet.

theyre both emotionally immature, cant hold their liquor, and wanna gently caress?

gently caress Your Website posted:

Take your hair out of its ponytail and take off your glasses, within minutes you will be invited to your demographic equivalent for prom

god I love frumpy hot chicks, like the ones you know would be constantly hit on and catcalled if only they did their hair and makeup

# ? Aug 15, 2018 22:14

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

https://mobile.twitter.com/redditships/status/1029822032345583616

# ? Aug 15, 2018 23:16

Freudian: Mar 23, 2011

tactlessbastard posted:

Thats some real boilerplate and probably not very helpful advi...

..ce you know what commenter is probably on to something there

# ? Aug 15, 2018 23:20

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

A coworker [18f] I've known for years wants to be in a relationship with me [27m]. This is wrong, right?

quote:

I should preface this by saying I am awkward as hell. I tend to keep to myself. People who talk to me walk away feeling confused and offended. I've stopped trying to fix this. My uncle likes me well enough, and he's been enough company for me so far.

But there's this girl - let's call her Lily. She turned 18 this year and only just got out of school. I've known her since she was 14, when her parents signed her up for a summer program my uncle construction/landscaping company does. I've worked with her and many other minors on various community service projects over the years, but Lily always stood out as the one who most wanted to be there. She was crazy about the work and good at it, too. My uncle agreed to hire her now that she's out of highschool. She's saving up to start college next year.

But that wasn't enough construction for her. She wanted to build something for herself, but her parents didn't want her building on their property without help, and then she talked to my uncle, and my uncle talked to her parents, and somehow, I got roped into lending her a hand.

So we started building this treehouse. On weekends and after work. We were working on that thing for at least 8 hours a week, making 9pm runs to Home Depot, stopping at MacDonald's on the way back. It was a ridiculous amount of time to be spending with a 17 (and then 18) year old, looking back. But I wasn't thinking about that. Everyone knew what we were doing, and her parents were usually home, and no one ever said anything to make me think it was inappropriate.

And she's great. I dont get along with a lot of people, but I get along with Lily, and I've probably talked more to her than anyone aside from my uncle, who I've known my whole life. It was mostly about measurements and design for a while, but then about dream-houses we wanted to build, and then where we would live if we could live anywhere, and from there we just talked about anything.

And then, one day, we were at Denny's. It was 11pm on a Tuesday, and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks - this was weird.

I was spending all my free time on the tree house by then. I had to finish it and get out of there. I went to the hardware store by myself, and I started leaving every day by 8pm. I still saw her at work most days, but I started picking up separate projects.

She confronted me this past weekend, wanting to know why I was avoiding her and saying that she thought we were friends. I felt terrible, and she said she missed me and she knew I missed her, too. And I did. And then she kissed me, and I'm terrified someone will find out about it.

She says she wants to be with me. I have no idea what to do. I like her. She's pretty and sweet. We get along like a house on fire. But she's almost a decade young than me, and I've known her for years. I can't see any way our families would be accepting of it. They trusted me to help her with this tree house, and now I've let this happen. I don't even know what I did, but is it possible that I've influenced or corrupted her somehow? I know that's what everyone else will think. Everyone knows my uncle, and me, by extention. They've all trusted me around their kids, and when I think about it I feel sick to my stomach. Especially when I think about how my uncle might react.

But at the same time - I've never been happier than I am around Lily. She gets me in a way no one ever has, and she seems happy around me, too. We have similar interests and we want all the same things out of life....

But I can't, right? When we're together and we're talking about it, she can always convince me that it's alright, and that we wouldn't be doing anything wrong. But when we're apart, I can't even work out how she's convinced me.

But it would ruin my career, my uncle's reputation. I'd be betraying the trust of everyone who signed their kids up for the summer program. The whole community would talk, and they'd have every right to.

She says it's not their business, but it is, isn't it?

tl;dr A girl I work with wants to date me, but I'm not sure if it would be inappropriate, since I've known her since she was 14.

9 months later...

A coworker [18f] I've known for years wants to be in a relationship with me [27m]. This is wrong, right? [UPDATE]

quote:

A lot has happened since this post. It didn't get much attention, but the advice I got was golden. I'd like to say the first thing I did was follow it and tell my uncle about what had happened, but I was still pretty nervous about how he'd react, so for a few days I just kept my head down and pretended everything was normal. I guess it was, for the most part, but at the time it felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone and I had this awful 'impending doom' feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a pretty extreme reaction, but I don't get much excitement in my life.

I called off work for two days and took a long weekend to hide out at my house. "Lily" brought me get-well soup that Saturday, and my uncle showed up while we were eating it on the couch. She bailed pretty quickly and then it was me and him, and he was giving me this look so I kind of blurted out what had happened. We talked about what I was going to do about it, with him refusing to give any worthwhile advice at all - which is not like him. Eventually I said that Lily could finish the rest of the treehouse without me and that I'd tell her I wasn't interested. Uncle says, "Okay, you do that." So on Monday before work, I pulled her aside and said it was all just a little too much for me, and could we go back to being co workers? Lily said that was fine.

End of story, right? Except, Lily continued to show up unannounced at my house. I am an idiot, so I continued to let her in. This was much worse than the treehouse business, but she wasn't trying to kiss me or talking about our feelings, so I figured... what's the harm? (Yes, I am an idiot.) And that went on for a couple of months. Lily mentions she's going to do community college for a while, first, even though she was all set up to go to a nice school upstate. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of relieved. We started making a real nice footlocker in our free time.

I asked her if she was staying in town for me. She started crying and said she didn't want me to move on without her. Which is crazy, because I've been doing the same thing since I was eight and she's the one that's going places. We got around to the talking about our feelings thing. It took a few days of false starts and clamming up, but the eventual conclusion was: 1) Yes, I definitely needed therapy. 2) She was going to go to her fancy school. 3) We are going to be pen pals when she does.

I held up on my end of the bargain. Therapy is kind of awful, but it helps me work through things. I have a habit of just not thinking about things if they make me uncomfortable. Therapy makes it harder to do that, so mixed blessings, I guess. We talk about Lily, sometimes. More often we talk about my uncle and my childhood, and my parents even though I barely remember them. I discovered I'm really grateful to my uncle, which I knew already, but telling someone else about everything he's done for me really made it hit home. I felt awful about keeping him out of the loop, so I sat him down and told him I hadn't really stopped seeing Lily, but nothing else had happened and I hoped he'd forgive me.

The bastard had been trying to set us up. Gave this whole speech about how we were perfect for each other and how I needed to get my head out of my rear end and he wanted me to settle down and be happy already. It made me pretty angry - therapy had also dredged up a bunch of bitterness over how he was always pushing me outside my comfort zone and into things I didn't really want. Dates, mostly. But things like Boy Scouts when I was a kid, and drama class in high school. We rowed about that, but I think he's never going to get that I don't enjoy being social the way he does. Being a fun, amiable guy is just part of who he is, just like being a mean, asocial troglodyte is part of who I am. But that's kind of off topic.

One thing he said really stuck with me. I'd said something about how I was worried it would reflect poorly on him, and he said that he'd built up his shining reputation for both of us, and what was the point of having 'good [social] credit' if you couldn't cash it in from time to time? Which makes sense, I guess, because my uncle was kind of an unrepentant ladies' man before he was married, and they still let him into church on Sundays even in those days. Anyway, he said that if I wanted to go for it, he'd make sure people would see it the right way. He's good at swaying people, I guess. I don't know if he's that good, but knowing he'd have my back about it made me feel a lot better.

Lily had also decided to tell her parents. They were in cahoots with my uncle, although I don't think he pitched it to them the same way he explained it to me, because I can't see "my nephew needs to get laid already" going over well with them. They were in on the part of the plan that saw us married by the end of the year, though. Lily was not in on any of it.

Things were weird for a while after that. She was mad at her parents (they had been hoping she'd give up on her dreams of being an engineer and going off to school if she got married) and I was working on another project, so we didn't end up seeing each other for a few weeks. Then she shows up and says we should go on a trip, so obviously, we went on a trip. Saw the Grand Canyon and stopped by Las Vegas, and then we spent a few days camping near Zion National Park.

I love the hell out of this girl. I'm going to miss her like crazy when she goes off to school, but I think it's for the best. I don't know how to be with someone, and I'm not sure she's clear on that, either. For now, I'm working on not being a robot who does whatever his uncle says he should do. As much as I love the man, this whole situation has made me realize that I've spent my whole life doing whatever he wants me to do, or whatever I think he wants me to do if he won't say it outright. Some of it is probably his fault, but I think mostly it's a glitch in my own head. Gotta start thinking for myself and all that.

tl;dr: Lily and I still hang out. Uncle wants us to get married. I'm seeing a therapist, now. Still no second kiss.

# ? Aug 15, 2018 23:59

Flutieflakes017: Feb 16, 2012; only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain

hawowanlawow posted:

torchy's is ok at best

Agreed. Pretty much only sounds good after a long road bike ride or whatever. I know these guys who do a marathon where they run to every location in Austin in November. Just ridiculous.

Also LOL@ at the girl in law school with the coke head gambler boyfriend. Classic scenario.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 00:07

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

please tell them how much their effort means to you. you don't have to even do anything just tell them, out loud, what an impact they have on your life.

No! Don't follow this fools advice! If you thank a brownie, they'll sour the milk and leave!

# ? Aug 16, 2018 01:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 10:07

nikosoft: Dec 17, 2011; ghost in the shell, but somehow much worse; College Slice

cumshitter posted:

Leave him a list of chores. Alternately, do not try to broker peace with the Nazis and make him feel as if he had squandered his life.

Holy poo poo, was that the point of the Remains of the Day?? I was supposed to read it for school but never did

# ? Aug 16, 2018 01:51

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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