/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Barudak posted:

The Incredibly Gay Hulk

I would read this.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 00:54

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Barudak posted:

The Incredibly Gay Hulk

They say that Hulk is possibly the gayest Avenger, as his gayness increases in proportion to his anger.

Hulk SMASH rear end!

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:17

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Bogus Adventure posted:

The "cultural appropriation" argument has a razor thin border between "legitimate" and "laughable." I remember seeing someone on Facebook get butthurt because white ladies do yoga for exercise. Like, if that falls under your personal definition of cultural appropriation, you're probably a dumbass.

A page late, but 95% of the time "cultural appropriation" is complete bullshit. An individual does not invent culture and if you live in the first world your culture is the same as everyone else's: you are a part of the MIC that runs all the powerful countries and your only job is to be a consumer. Want culture? Make your own and stop complaining every time some Wiccan dork talks about their spirit animal or whatever.

PS Wiccans are all dorks.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:34

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Milotic posted:

This woman is an entitled mess

Me [F30] and my husband [M34] are trying to renovate our house with my father as our contractor [M55] and I am stuck in the middle.

Never get family or family of friends or friends to do any sort of work or repairs. Give some money to some nice strangers you looked up on checkatrade and make a note of them for next time. Also your Dad should be there for you for things like bereavements and poo poo. Not free partition walls.

I agree it's not gonna happen and the dad is well within his rights. But to me the thing is, when you can get friends or family to do work for you, it's not just about the value of the labor and time, it's about making sure the work is done right. Of course they can hire another contractor, but that means they're going to have all kinds of corners cut and be ripped off in a dozen ways they won't even know about, which wouldn't've happened if the dad would've been the contractor. Trustworthy oversight would've been the real value there, and you can't buy that.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:35

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Anne Whateley posted:

I agree it's not gonna happen and the dad is well within his rights. But to me the thing is, when you can get friends or family to do work for you, it's not just about the value of the labor and time, it's about making sure the work is done right. Of course they can hire another contractor, but that means they're going to have all kinds of corners cut and be ripped off in a dozen ways they won't even know about, which wouldn't've happened if the dad would've been the contractor. Trustworthy oversight would've been the real value there, and you can't buy that.

she could totally get good recommendations from dad about who to trust since he is also in the business, but daughter is demanding that her father do the work which is not compatible with her husband's desire to get it done now, not when dad has time (i would not want to live in a construction site for months)

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:38

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

phasmid posted:

A page late, but 95% of the time "cultural appropriation" is complete bullshit. An individual does not invent culture and if you live in the first world your culture is the same as everyone else's: you are a part of the MIC that runs all the powerful countries and your only job is to be a consumer. Want culture? Make your own and stop complaining every time some Wiccan dork talks about their spirit animal or whatever.

PS Wiccans are all dorks.

shut up cracker

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:39

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Brother Entropy posted:

shut up cracker

Cracker is our word.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:41

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

phasmid posted:

A page late, but 95% of the time "cultural appropriation" is complete bullshit. An individual does not invent culture and if you live in the first world your culture is the same as everyone else's: you are a part of the MIC that runs all the powerful countries and your only job is to be a consumer. Want culture? Make your own and stop complaining every time some Wiccan dork talks about their spirit animal or whatever.

PS Wiccans are all dorks.

I always feel I am completely entitled to any cultural thing, because a cousin of mine invented it. This is true for everything man-made.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:54

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

Milotic posted:

My friend (30F) says I'm (26F) being racist; am I?

this seems pretty fake, like something that someone who thinks cultural appropriation is always bullshit would write

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:55

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

phasmid posted:

A page late, but 95% of the time "cultural appropriation" is complete bullshit. An individual does not invent culture and if you live in the first world your culture is the same as everyone else's: you are a part of the MIC that runs all the powerful countries and your only job is to be a consumer. Want culture? Make your own and stop complaining every time some Wiccan dork talks about their spirit animal or whatever.

PS Wiccans are all dorks.

Wiccans are culturally appropriating my culture, fat culture.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 22:59

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Steam powered giraffe does some pretty good covers. And they have The Spine. That guy's voice is magic.

ed: of course I quoted the wrong post, oh well.

This is kind of old, and I'm sorry to milkshake duck you, but that band is full of gross dudes. Or one. Steve Negritte creeps on underage girls and has forced kisses on lips of one girl on video somewhere. Also he tried to get a threesome with twin girls, again underage, until he realized they wouldn't sleep with him. I can't find the article about it again, but there's some info if you google. There's a fair amount of former fans coming forward, but short of getting caught raping someone, they'll keep getting away with it.

Also the band got banned from something called Steampunk World�s Fair. If weirdos don't want you around, you're definitely creepy. The band also works with 'Professor Elemental' who raped an adult woman some time ago. [ https://wearawhitefeather.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/victim-blaming-slut-shaming/ ]

In summary: steampunk is a mistake and should be purged from this world. Praise Jesus.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:00

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Philonius posted:

I always feel I am completely entitled to any cultural thing, because a cousin of mine invented it. This is true for everything man-made.

As long as you're not some white dude who breaks out a djembe at the bonfire. That's one of the 5% that are real and very reprehensible.

YeahTubaMike posted:

this seems pretty fake, like something that someone who thinks cultural appropriation is always bullshit would write

Begone, thot!

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:00

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

value-brand cereal posted:

This is kind of old, and I'm sorry to milkshake duck you, but that band is full of gross dudes. Or one. Steve Negritte creeps on underage girls and has forced kisses on lips of one girl on video somewhere. Also he tried to get a threesome with twin girls, again underage, until he realized they wouldn't sleep with him. I can't find the article about it again, but there's some info if you google. There's a fair amount of former fans coming forward, but short of getting caught raping someone, they'll keep getting away with it.

Also the band got banned from something called Steampunk World�s Fair. If weirdos don't want you around, you're definitely creepy. The band also works with 'Professor Elemental' who raped an adult woman some time ago. [ https://wearawhitefeather.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/victim-blaming-slut-shaming/ ]

In summary: steampunk is a mistake and should be purged from this world. Praise Jesus.

I didn't read anything other than the summary, but I totally agree. Steampunk is a pox that must be expunged from existence.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:04

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Cultural appropriation is a real thing but invoking it to police people's memes or whatever is just another example of Extremely Online people attempting to convince themselves that the poo poo they spend all day doing is actually vitally important rather than a huge waste of time

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:08

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Your friend making a THOT joke in her Facebook post is not that important because Facebook posts don't loving matter, and that includes your strident response call-out post you made to get attention without talking to her about it first

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:09

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

luxury handset posted:

she could totally get good recommendations from dad about who to trust since he is also in the business, but daughter is demanding that her father do the work which is not compatible with her husband's desire to get it done now, not when dad has time (i would not want to live in a construction site for months)

I totally get the timing thing, and again the dad is totally within his rights. The only part of your comment I don't get is

luxury handset posted:

she could totally get good recommendations from dad about who to trust since he is also in the business

Dad is a contractor, I would expect him to know subs who are good or could be made to be good, but not other contractors? And if they go with another contractor, they won't be able to get him to use Dad's list of good subs.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:12

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

Anne Whateley posted:

Dad is a contractor, I would expect him to know subs who are good or could be made to be good, but not other contractors? And if they go with another contractor, they won't be able to get him to use Dad's list of good subs.

a guy who is a contractor probably has friends, work associates, former coworker buddies who are also contractors etc. and can provide recommendations or would be able to find this information easily

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:15

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Just use Angie�s list at that point :shrug:

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:16

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

The Joe Rogan thread's Alex Jones tangent gave me an idea:

My boyfriend (21) has become completely obsessed with Alex jones and it's affecting our 2 year relationship.(20f)

quote:

TL;DR; My boyfriend has a panic attack when he sees any government related things. He believes that we should start stacking up ammo and food to be prepared for a government take over, its ruining my relationship.

This is silly compared to a lot of things on this sub but I don't know who else to get advice from. He's become so bad that he literally fights with his mom about saving up food for next 5 years and buying all the weapons he can get. I'll admit his mom gives ZERO fucks about what goes on around her but he's getting out of hand. He even tried to get me to figure out how to store food for a long time, and when I mentioned for him to do his research on this guy, he starts a fight and starts saying I'm calling him a crazy nut job.

I never do though, because while I believe we should try and put faith into our government I understand that we need to be a little skeptical about some things. But my boyfriend is getting out of hand.

The other day we were on a date and we passed one of those water plants. Like the giant tall ones that have a circle on top. The city was clearly either fixing it or renovating it, but he quickly drove away and started freaking out. He said something like "What the gently caress, look you see poo poo like that? That's the government doing something (posiening) to our water." He's even trying to get me to buy Alex's jones vitamin pills because apparently the other pills just arnt good enough.

I don't know what to do anymore, because even I'm a little bit skeptical about government sometimes but not on his level. He's become over paranoid that his dreams are nothing but nightmares and he doesn't enjoy life anymore. Everything he does is out of fear.

My relationship is just going downhill because I'm becoming a "lazy sheep" to him.

More on her lovely boyfriend in the comments:

OP posted:

He's currently not working, he's got an interview on monday though. His work is extremely limited because he has a very bad back caused by a car accident. Well he doesn't really have hobbies, when I introduce him to different things he's not too interested. I know he wants to learn how to work with wood. I guess like building things, tables chairs, little trinkets. Chinese brush painting has caught his eye but he only want to do it in the country.

He's recently started following a man called Pastor Dowell, I haven't even researched him yet but he sounds okay, I just don't agree with the whole "A woman must submit to a man "

Uhm what else, he likes musical instruments but can't play because his hand got hosed up, it was stabbed. He wants to learn ancient languages but I can't find anything like that for him. He currently lives with his mom.

This guy is a keeper, OP. Put a ring on it before it's too late.

Bonus: Here's one of Pastor Dowell's videos. I, too, like to vlog about how our food isn't right while driving

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVlGqJobNro

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:17

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I want their meet cute and i want it now

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:20

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Chomp8645 posted:

Following the spirit of Jesus' teachings is pretty liberal so I can see why they don't like Pope Francis.

Sedavacanists think every pope is too liberal. And if you get deep into it, they might think Jesus was too liberal. It's all about Paul.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:27

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Your friend making a THOT joke in her Facebook post is not that important because Facebook posts don't loving matter, and that includes your strident response call-out post you made to get attention without talking to her about it first

I agree, but! I�m also in my thirties and in a very rural, mostly white area. My initial response was �what�s �thot� and why should I care about this?� I never would�ve known. This girl probably didn�t either.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:31

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

CannonFodder posted:

Sedavacanists think every pope is too liberal. And if you get deep into it, they might think Jesus was too liberal. It's all about Paul.

Frankly, people talking about how much they like the pope and how he's "cool" are almost always non-Catholics. I was raised in the church and there were always criticisms from this group or that. Between Peter and Paul you got the main schism (which I guess is best represented by the Franciscans and the Dominicans). The idea that one pope is different than another has always seemed hard to tell, though. The interests of the Vatican are really more than the whim of one guy.

burial posted:

I agree, but! I’m also in my thirties and in a very rural, mostly white area. My initial response was “what’s ‘thot’ and why should I care about this?” I never wouldn’t known. This girl probably didn’t either.

Yep.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:34

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

burial posted:

I agree, but! I�m also in my thirties and in a very rural, mostly white area. My initial response was �what�s �thot� and why should I care about this?� I never would�ve known. This girl probably didn�t either.

that's the real takeaway here - not cultural appropriation or whatever, but op realizing that someone they considered a friend is willing to torch them for the sake of their politics

# ? Aug 21, 2018 23:35

Araenna: Dec 27, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

luxury handset posted:

a guy who is a contractor probably has friends, work associates, former coworker buddies who are also contractors etc. and can provide recommendations or would be able to find this information easily

They also have to come in and fix other contractor's mistakes.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:22

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

phasmid posted:

Cracker is our word.

It literally isn't you loving honky waste of space

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:22

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Anne Whateley posted:

I totally get the timing thing, and again the dad is totally within his rights. The only part of your comment I don't get is

Dad is a contractor, I would expect him to know subs who are good or could be made to be good, but not other contractors? And if they go with another contractor, they won't be able to get him to use Dad's list of good subs.

This is not the kind of daddy/sub drama that I come to this thread for.

Although both usually involve finding a guy to come in to finish something the husband can't.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:26

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

Have a peek into the mind of a stalker.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

quote:

Hello r/relationships!

I am using a throwaway because this is a personal question and I have never really come on this subreddit before, so excuse me if I do any formatting wrong. Sorry for how long this is, I am seriously heartbroken right now and so lost.

So I (21 M) met this girl (let's call her Jaime and she is 19) in January of this year at the start of second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said becuase of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit. We got lunch a few times during her first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately! I know it is cliche, but I have never felt this way about any other girl before. Seriously. She is so beautiful, she is the smartest person I have ever met, she is hilarious, and we even like some of the same TV shows and have the same hobbies! After those first few weeks, we weren't able to hang out as much because she was so busy with work and school, but we worked together Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. While we weren't busy, we would always talk about TV shows and movies we enjoyed. Outside of work, we texted a lot too! Well, a few weeks passed and we hadn't hung out outside of work and I realized how much I liked her, so at the end of one of our shifts, I asked Jaime out on a date. She told me she doesn't think about me that way, but promised we could stay friends. This really really hurt. I cried in my apartment and couldn't bring myself to go to class the next day. I honestly thought she liked me, and I had been so nice to her. I even picked her up her favorite drink from starbucks on my way to work most days even though she never asked me to and told me I didn't need to.

So another month passes and I am trying to keep up the friendship we have and just appreciate her presence. I ask her to hang out a few times (I even told her it was just as friends) and she said she was so busy she couldn't (she could have been lying though). I tried keeping up text message conversations with her, but she would forget to reply a lot. I genuinely don't understand this. How does someone forget to reply to a text? Especially to a friend? And even if she was ignoring me, why? Why agree to be friends if she didn't want to be? But I still loved her so much and I held out hope.

So spring break came around and it was our last shift together before the break. I wanted to do something special for her to show her how much she means to me as a friend. I got her some flowers and a bracelet (nothing too expensive, just like a $15 one from the store). I gave it to her at the end of our work shift (I had them hiding in my car and gave them to her in the parking lot). I had planned out exactly what I would say and I didn't even expect anything back. Just appreciation, you know? But I guess she didn't appreciate the thought I put into it because she told me she didn't want to accept the flowers or the bracelet. I got kind of upset and we got in an argument. But I ended up telling her it was ok that she didn't want to accept it and just asked her for a hug.

She went home for break and I went home as well. I had my 21st birthday during it, and I got pretty wasted with some of my cousins that weekend. I am not proud of this, but I did drunk call her a few times. I left her some voicemails about how I loved her if she ever wanted to date a guy that would cherish her like a queen. She never replied, and I was pretty embarrassed. I sent her some texts essentially explaining that I was so sorry I said those things, but I stand by everything I said (I can copy paste them here if you wanna see them, but this is getting long already so i guess I will only do it if you all think you need to see it to give me advice).

So we got back to school and I hadn't heard from her, so I planned on talking to her about it at work, but I found out she had changed her schedule and was working different shifts from me now. I never found out why and no one told me why. I tried facebook messaging her, snapchatting her, and even sending her an email asking if she was angry with me or if we could meet up to talk because I didn't want to lose a great friend. I saw that she saw my messages on FB messenger, but she never replied. This pissed me off a lot since I had been nothing except for sweet to her. I stopped messaging her for a few weeks in April, but then the school year started to come to a close and I realized I couldn't bear being without her or not being able to see her for the summer. I sent her a few more messages, but she never replied, so I decided I would go straight to her dorm room. I didn't know exactly where she was, only the building, but I went there one afternoon when I knew she had a final and wandered around the halls hoping to catch her on her way back. I didn't see her, but apparently, she saw me because she texted me asking what I was doing in her dorm. I explained (again) that I wanted to see her and talk, but she told me to leave her alone. So I left in tears, skipped my last final (got an incomplete in the class for it) and went home.

I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her. I knew the town she moved to school from (it's only like an hour away from me and I have family that lives nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything. Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me. She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a loving cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the gently caress reddit? Now I don't need legal advice because I am going to cross post this to r/legaladvice for that, but what do I do now that she thinks I am a total creep? How do i get her to hear me out? I refuse to just live knowing she hates me. There has to be some way I can do this. Please help me. I know I have made some mistakes, but I promise I am a nice guy and I just want her to be happy.

tl;dr: had a falling out with my crush and she sent me a cease and desist letter for trying to talk it out? what do?

The original r/relationships post was deleted but the r/legaladvice thread with his comments sure is something to read.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:38

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Improbable Lobster posted:

It literally isn't you loving honky waste of space

It was a joke you dorkus.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:48

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Have a peek into the mind of a stalker.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

The original r/relationships post was deleted but the r/legaladvice thread with his comments sure is something to read.

Wow, what an utter worm.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:52

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

La Brea Carpet posted:

This is not the kind of daddy/sub drama that I come to this thread for.

Although both usually involve finding a guy to come in to finish something the husband can't.

Thanks, I hate it, but nobody should miss this

# ? Aug 22, 2018 00:54

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

The original r/relationships post was deleted but the r/legaladvice thread with his comments sure is something to read.

Pro-click for sure. That guy reminds me of some people around here.

I I I just want to work things out, how is that illegal??

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:04

GrandpaPants: Feb 13, 2006; Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe!

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Have a peek into the mind of a stalker.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

Holy hell this was disturbing to read. Please be safe girl who is being stalked :ohdear:

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:05

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

GrandpaPants posted:

Holy hell this was disturbing to read. Please be safe girl who is being stalked

I hope she also went shopping after she filed the C&D for something she could plant him with.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:10

Karl Sharks: Feb 20, 2008; The Immortal Science of Sharksism-Fininism

quote:

[�]helpmeplease90182309[S] 230 points 1 year ago
I am not a perfect person, no one is, but I am certainly not dangerous and I wouldn't like go to her house without her knowing or anything! All I want is to hear it straight from her that she doesn't want to speak to me again.

My dude, she gave you a letter threatening you legally to leave her alone, that's about as straight as it gets.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:42

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

reddit stalker posted:

I found out she had changed her schedule and was working different shifts from me now. I never found out why and no one told me why.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:58

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Improbable Lobster posted:

It literally isn't you loving honky waste of space

I prefer to be addressed as peckerwood

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:03

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

The original r/relationships post was deleted but the r/legaladvice thread with his comments sure is something to read.

Oh my god. It's a causal loop.

:smith:

I just love her so much.
:stare:

She doesn't love you.
:smith:

Why not? I've only been nice to her! We have a great friendship!
:stare:

No you don't. She wants her space.
:smith:

I don't see why she needs it!
:stare:

Because you're harassing her.
:smith:

SHOW ME THAT LAW
:stare:

SHE SENT YOU A CEASE AND DESIST YOU FUCKWIT
:smith:

I only want us to be friends
:stare:

She doesn't. What you're doing is wrong.
:smith:

HOW IS IT WRONG IF I AM NOT BREAKING ANY LAWS?!!

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:04

NecroBob: Jul 29, 2003

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Have a peek into the mind of a stalker.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

The original r/relationships post was deleted but the r/legaladvice thread with his comments sure is something to read.

~~Jesus Christ. This is going to end up as an exhibit in a murder trial.~~

vvv EDIT: Wow. Nevermind.

NecroBob fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Aug 22, 2018

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:07

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 00:54

Norry: Mar 1, 2005; You gonna get raped...tenderly.

The dude posted a follow-up a few months later, he actually got himself help :unsmith:

quote:

First, I want to assure everyone that I didn't contact that girl ever again. Since I moved, I no longer see her or go anywhere by where she used to live, go to school, or work (I don't know if she still lives in the same area or goes to the same school. I have avoided getting any information about her at all). The way I acted and the way I hurt her and scared her so much still haunts me. Part of me wants to track her down and apologize, but I know from my classes that 1. that can re-victimize her all over again; 2. it would be a selfish thing to do because it would be to clear my conscience, not make her feel better. If she wants to get closure by talking to me, I'm sure she can find me somehow; and 3. I don't want to make the mistake of using an apology to make her feel manipulated to talking to me again. I learned in my classes that men do that a lot. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will work past the guilt while never talking to her again.

I was distraught after my last post here. I admit I came here looking for validation, not help. I had a warped sense of entitlement that led me to believe that no one would possibly disagree with me, but obviously, hundreds of people told me that I was hosed up, a predator, a stalker, and that I needed help. All of these people were right. I don't know what happened, but something clicked in me after seeing those comments (despite how combative and abusive I was in response to the comments). I checked myself into therapy in Michigan the week after I posted here. I knew something was wrong, but I was still in denial. I thought I needed help with heartbreak. I didn't recognize that I actually needed help with identifying and combatting my messed up belief systems that I used to justify stalking and victimizing that poor girl. After a few sessions, I started seeing a psychiatrist too. I got on mood stabilizers and I started to realize that something was very very wrong with the way I was acting. Something that couldn't be cured by medication. After talking it over with my therapist, I decided it would be best for me to move out of state into my Aunt's house. Within a month of me posting here, I had moved into her house.

After moving, I started the process of transferring to a new school next semester, working full time, and continued to take my medication and was transferred to a new therapist. I had a fresh idea of the issues I wanted to work on in therapy, but after a few weeks of having two therapy sessions a week, my therapist pointed out to me during a session that I was still exhibiting the same kind of obsessive behaviors over women that earned me a cease and desist letter in Michigan (though I wasn't stalking anyone at this point, I was just obsessing in my mind. Which is still bad, but I wasn't actively victimizing anyone). I realize that in addition to therapy, I needed more help. My therapist pointed me to a class run by a local agency that was designed for men that have committed violent crimes against women like domestic violence, assault, sexual assault, stalking ect. Most of the men in the class are court-ordered to go as a condition of their probation/parole, but you didn't have to be court ordered to go, so I signed up voluntarily. I attend a two-hour class session every week and have been attending for about a month now. The goal of the class is to help us recognize and change abusive/violent behaviors. I know most of you are thinking: what kind of monsters can't recognize violent behavior? People like me. People like me in the last post. I look like a normal person. I grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and I fooled myself by saying because I didn't "look" like an abuser or because I wasn't "like" the abusers I saw on TV, that I wasn't one. But I am. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise myself I will never victimize anyone else again.

In conclusion, a lot had changed for me in three and a half months. I want to say that I do not blame my behavior on my mental illness or anger or the media or whatever. I made a conscious decision to stalk and terrorize another human being because I thought I had the right to dictate how others interact with me. The class is a year-long class and I have only been in it for a month, but I have already learned so much. I have learned from my group that abuse is always a conscious choice and a learned behavior. But I believe that since I've learned this behavior and it's voluntary, it's totally within my control to change it. I've also learned from my group about the importance of having a non-romantic support system, so I made some male and female friends at work that invite me over to play video games with them. Don't worry reddit, these are actual friends and not just people I am stalking or believe I am in love with (I talked about this extensively with my therapist and try to be cognizant of my obsessive tendencies).

Thank you to everyone who told it to me straight and I'm sorry for how I decided to treat everyone who was just trying to give me the advice I asked for.

tl;dr: I ceased, I desisted, and I got mental health help. Thanks to everyone.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:10

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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