SA's Greatest Sagas: careful that's a load-bearing slur

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Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

Len posted:

Anyone know whatever happened to the EN thread where a goons wife graduated college (paid for by the goon) and immediately started working towards a divorce? She was telling friends and family how abusive he was etc and somehow discovered that he was posting about the situation here on SA

Was that SpaceMoose? Or at the very least, a dude with a space moose avatar?

# ? Aug 22, 2018 01:58

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# ? May 21, 2024 06:39

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

purple death ray posted:

Oh my loving God I don't know how I forgot about the Lisa Loeb fanatic thread. Like, to this day I laugh every time I hear "Stay" but I had forgotten why until just now

Is this the same thread as the one where the goon claimed he banged Regina Spektor and she wrote a song about it?

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:04

Weatherman: Jul 30, 2003; WARBLEKLONK

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Is this the same thread as the one where the goon claimed he banged Regina Spektor and she wrote a song about it?

Was that SA? I seem to remember it being pReddit.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:24

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

it was definitely SA, i remember it

# ? Aug 22, 2018 02:51

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

UCS Hellmaker posted:

Need to see if I can find the old pyf roomates from hell thread. That had some insane stories that were incarnate

Oh god frankie the dildo threads in the goldmine to

PYF Awful Roommate Stories

The Frankie threads are a delight:
I think my wife is going to buy a strap-on
The travels of jbarwick and Frankie.
Sad news: J's laptop and digicam were stolen by corrupt Mexican police.
Frankie didn't get in my rear end, why would she think this P.I. would?
When Frankie is stuffed down your throat, you stop breathing.

chernobyl kinsman posted:

it was definitely SA, i remember it

Yeah, it usually gets reposted in the stdh pretty often, but I don't have a link to the original.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 06:00

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Found some references claiming it was originally posted to a "How Did You Lose Your Virginity?" thread, and then later deleted. No reference to username...

quote:

I doubt many people are going to believe me, but here's the story anyway. I warn you now that this is pretty long.

It was 2001 and I was celebrating my 19th birthday visiting some friends in New York City. My friends got me some "alternative forms of identification", and we got into a bar. I really hate the taste of alcohol, but I didn't want to let my friends down, so I had a few drinks.

This place was kinda dark and empty, but up against one corner of the bar was this beautiful young girl playing the piano kind of softly. Most people were talking to their friends or busy drinking a lot so she was pretty much ignored, but she sounded so beautiful that I had to get closer. Time seemed to go by incredibly fast (must have been the alcohol in my little body) but after a while I ended up being the only person listening to her. When she took a break from playing she came down and talked to me for a few minutes just about a few little things. We hit it off almost instantly as I was able to make her laugh, and I was surprised that even though she had a slightly thick Russian accent we could completely understand each other. My friends were ready to leave, but I told them I would catch up later.

She went up and sang for a little while again, and again I was the only one listening. She stopped after two more songs and came down to talk with me again. She told me all sorts of things about how her parents got her into music, how she'd lived in Russia, about all these little songs she wrote as a kid (she had hundreds).

At first I was trying to be all tough and manly, to kinda impress her.. bragging about things I had done in my life. She caught on to it, and she told me, "Listen honey. There's hundreds of strong men out there. I like men who are kind, who are honest, men who can be open with me." I switched gears from there, and it turned out she was much more happy to talk with me being myself then someone who was trying to be showy.

It was almost time to go so she got up on stage and sung one last song, she started by saying "This one's for you, honey," and pointed at me. I was amazed because I couldn't remember up to that point a girl ever being so friendly with me.

The bar was closing up and I asked to help her put her stuff away. I asked her if she had a cd that I could buy so I could hear her again. She came back with, "You don't need a cd, I'll give you a private performance. Why don't you come back to my place?" My jaw dropped to the floor, but I did my best to keep my cool.

We were driving back to her apartment and we talked for a bit more, and I realized I hadn't even asked this girl her name! I embarassingly asked her, and she told me, "That's ok, I don't know yours either. My name is Regina, Regina Spektor." I told her my last name, and because of her russian-english, she couldn't pronounce it correctly. She tried a couple times, "Samsmanskay.... Samskemansk, can I just say Samson?" I said sure, and her saying that brought us up talking about Samson the biblical figure. She told me again how she liked sensitive men and she said that maybe if Samson had cut his hair then he'd have to be more sensitive and she would like him.

Anyways we got back to her place, one of those big studios with a really high ceiling. She got the place so she could play her music all the time without people complaining. She played a few of the more softer, quieter songs which I loved. She offered me something to eat, but we got into the kitchen and she had all this weird Russian food, so I just asked her to get me a piece of wonderbread, that would be good enough.

She asked me if I was going to stay and I said I wanted to. I won't bore you with the details of the afterwards, but I'll say it was my first time and I was no stallion, but I held her for a while after. I told her how beautiful she was and how beautiful this whole night had been, but at the same time sad because I knew that I didn't live here and we couldn't have a relationship. We talked for a while about stupid little things and eventually fell asleep in each others arms.

She had another gig to go to the next day so she was off in a different direction. I thanked her as she left and she told me that she was proud to be the first girl who loved me.

I went back to my friends bragging, of course, but I figured this was girl was just one of hundreds trying desperately to make it and never succeeding. My life went on, and it never really occurred to me to look up this girl and see how she was doing, partially because I was busy with a serious relationship. Out of the blue, a few months ago she sent me a CD in the mail -- autographed, saying: "To Kyle Samsonsanssky.. I loved you first - Regina."

So now I do a google search and it turns out, wow, this girl got really popular. Even cooler than that, she wrote a song about that night! It's called Samson, and when I heard it for the first time, it brought back lots of memories.

Sadly, I've gotten married in those in-between years, so nothing will come of it. But I wrote her a nice letter telling her what's happened since that night, and telling her how happy I was that she had gotten so popular. I hope to hear back from her eventually.

See for instance this post

# ? Aug 22, 2018 08:41

Untrustable: Mar 17, 2009

Krankenstyle posted:

Found some references claiming it was originally posted to a "How Did You Lose Your Virginity?" thread, and then later deleted. No reference to username...

See for instance this post

I prefer to think it's true. It's a very nice story.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 11:38

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Untrustable posted:

I prefer to think it's true. It's a very nice story.

Yeah it's very sweet.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 15:06

A Spider Covets: May 4, 2009

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Part 2 of whatever, oh my god, why do I have all these bookmarked

I cannot answer this for you my friend, but thanks for sharing them, these are excellent.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 17:13

frankenfreak: Feb 16, 2007; I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Glenn Quebec posted:

Oh my god. I clicked the chili one. I forgot when the internet did the weird tough talk chili recipe thing. Ugh. I might of posted in there.

Scientastic's putdown in there is legendary.

# ? Aug 22, 2018 17:32

fool of sound: Oct 10, 2012

Does anyone happen to have a link to the thread where a kiwifarms guy posted an incredibly long, whiny, pathetic rant in GBS when the webmaser of kiwifarms got doxxed?

# ? Aug 23, 2018 02:46

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

fool_of_sound posted:

Does anyone happen to have a link to the thread where a kiwifarms guy posted an incredibly long, whiny, pathetic rant in GBS when the webmaser of kiwifarms got doxxed?

Is it this?

# ? Aug 23, 2018 08:11

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

its the morality poliiiice

# ? Aug 23, 2018 12:22

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

"Hey, I know I'm part of this huge project that exists only to doxx people, but how dare you fuckers doxx people?!?!!?"

e: Sorry, I meant "doxx and bully transpeople."

ee: Based on their writing style, there's a non-zero chance this person wears a fedora with an anime necktie and runs everywhere with their arms flailing while all the miladies avoid them. Forsooth.

# ? Aug 23, 2018 12:26

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

tHe tErRoRiStS wOn

# ? Aug 23, 2018 12:27

fool of sound: Oct 10, 2012

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Is it this?

Thats the one, thanks!

# ? Aug 23, 2018 15:26

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Is it this?

But guys he loves freespeech his family is scared how can you do this to such a gentle kind soul who just wanted to send tons of internet hate to the real world :cry:

# ? Aug 23, 2018 16:15

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

As long as you're doing horrible things to people because their personal identification somehow threatens you, it's, like, fine! Right? Right? Hey, where are you guys going? I'm wearing a bowling shirt and talking about The Game; I thought tonight was gonna be fun!!!!!

# ? Aug 23, 2018 16:43

Tendai: Mar 16, 2007; "When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."; Grimey Drawer

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Is it this?

Goddamn I forgot how pathetic that was

SA's level of reaction to people being way too serious about dumb poo poo on the internet is just about perfect for me :discourse:

# ? Aug 23, 2018 23:30

Zamboni Rodeo: Jul 19, 2007; NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!

Proteus Jones posted:

Anyone have a link to the thread of the goon whose roommate built a smaller �studio apartment� in their apartment? And was totally going to rent it out.

I'm sure it's been in here before but it's an amazing thread and deserves to be reposted as often as possible:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3779396&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

# ? Aug 23, 2018 23:31

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

I'm sure it's been in here before but it's an amazing thread and deserves to be reposted as often as possible:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3779396&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Thanks!

It was just as magical as I remembered it.

# ? Aug 24, 2018 00:03

Belbos Computer: Nov 20, 2005; Fiat Lux, Big Bang, seven days, seven minutes, seven seconds, and a universe is born before your eyes.; Slippery Tilde

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

In no particular order, here are the threads that are worthy of my 15 goddamn goon years:

PUNK HOUSE survival thread- Ours was called The Red House and the one time I went, I convinced some tweaker kid that i could summon Satan and he called me "DARK MISTRESS" for the whole night, which was p cool since I was 15.

I've read a lot of the ones you posted, but this one was a goddamned treat. I was hooked on every filthy description in that thread.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 18:19

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Noted idiot crazy person Paradol Ex tried to sneak back onto the forums but got perma'd again.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 09:29

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

paradex posted:

No. That man was banned long, long ago. Who remembers such a person.

I am a new person, without a controversial history that would get me banned on sight.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Sep 4, 2018 14:57

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

I can appreciate a brazen attempt to sneak through the front door. It's still dumb as hell, but that takes a certain level of shamelessness. Or maybe just stupidity.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 15:53

Eox: Jun 20, 2010; by Fluffdaddy

It's astounding to me that he has been permabanned for ten years and made it five days before he was found out.

edit: how about a classic

Paradol Ex posted:

I've noticed a lot of idiots in D&D who can't find their rear end from their head and often confuse their brain with their rear end and their mouth with their rear end in a top hat.

It it starting to physically give me pain. Sometimes I will read election threads in D&D and then when I stand up I get dizzy and have to sit back down.

So, once and for all, please pay attention so I can start reading a lot less stupid idiotic drippings from the election threads and more smart, insightful debate and discussion which reflect reality.

The Reality

1. Obama is not going to win the nomination. There are many reasons for this, but let me first give the Cult of Personality Obamailures a big slap in the head. As shocking as it may seem, while there are many different polls polling many different things, a poll polling the exact same thing in the exact same way from the exact same people have the same amount of credibility. As weird as it seems, the credibility of a poll does not increase when Obama is doing well or decrease when he is doing poorly. Now then, let me explain to you how things are and why Obama will not win the nomination.

A. He is black. Yes it matters, and no, america is not going to vote for a black man any time soon. Even half black.

B. Not paid dues. Obama, much like Howard Dean, hasn't paid his dues to the Washington elite or the MSM and thus will eventually be buried when things start getting serious.

C. Piss Poor campaign. Obama has ran a piss-poor campaign, and his support on these boards remind me of a combination between the retarded inexplicable cult of personality thing everyone mocked Bush followers for having and some sort of weird pyramid scheme. Scientology ain't got nothing on the Obama campaign. "Hey, guys, i can't afford food this week, but here's another 25 bucks for the cause !!!!" All of you disgust me.

2. Who will win the democratic nomination.

A. Hillary will win the nomination. Obama never had a chance and I am going to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh when he comes up wildly short, when it's not even close and all of you with your malnourished fat faces have greasy tears roll down your face and you realize you should have been buying fresh fruits and vegetables instead of sustaining yourself on the dollar meal while sending all of your money to . Morons.

B. Third place will be Edwards. He had the stink of failure on him from 2004, Obama is and has always been irrelevant in this race, and the only 2 men worthy of being president in the race (Kucinich and Gravel) will be ignored by the MSM.

3. Who will win the republican nomination.

A. Romney will win the nomination. He has the perfect mix of religious bullshit and neocon evil. He's also easily the best looking republican nominee. When I first saw Romney I thought to myself, "That's the best looking republican running for the nomination." I was right, and he will win, partially because of that.

B. Thompson isn't and never was important in this race. He's ugly, a terrible speaker, and makes people sleepy. People thinking he was going to change the entire dynamic of the race are easily fooled dipshits. Same as the people who got all wet for Clark in 2000. I knew that neither of them would do a drat thing and they didn't.

C. Ron Paul isn't and never was important in this race. There is always a wacko candidate that never has a chance in Hell and this year's wacko is Ron Paul. It just so happens that because of the internet the tiny little group of wackos who like Ron Paul can all get together and email each other and talk themselves into thinking they are more important and more numerous than they really are. Like furries. When historians talk about the 2008 presidential election Ron Paul will be remembered just as much as every other wacko that always runs and that no one ever remembers.

4. Who will win the presidency.

A. Romney will win the presidency. He looks like a president, he's a man, he is able to focus the hate of idiots onto immigrants, minorities, and he is the father figure / evil authoritarian that americans get off on.

B. Hillary will lose in one of the worst defeats in modern political history. She has a vagina, republicans hate her with an umatched passion and many democrats don't give a gently caress about her. They aren't even going to have to rig this one. The democrats have already done all the work for them.

5. I KNEW ALL OF THIS FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE ELECTION SEASON. If I had only been listened to the whole lot of you could have saved a lot of time, effort, tears, and money. You have no one to blame but yourself. And in a year when this is all known as "conventional wisdom" that "everyone" saw coming, you can think back on how I was the only one who really knew and that you always had a choice to follow me and not look like a stupid tool.

Eox has a new favorite as of 15:59 on Sep 4, 2018

# ? Sep 4, 2018 15:56

Tombot: Oct 21, 2008

If you look in the permaban section of the 'Lepers colony' its absolutely filled to the brim with the same few idiots trying to make new accounts with similar sounding names. I honestly think the only reason why some of them have stopped is because they ran out of money and couldn't pay the internet bill.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 16:03

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Eox posted:

It's astounding to me that he has been permabanned for ten years and made it five days before he was found out.

edit: how about a classic

4B is not that far from the truth. This guy was onto something there.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 16:04

Pham Nuwen: Oct 30, 2010

Tombot posted:

If you look in the permaban section of the 'Lepers colony' its absolutely filled to the brim with the same few idiots trying to make new accounts with similar sounding names. I honestly think the only reason why some of them have stopped is because they ran out of money and couldn't pay the internet bill.

A particular kind of mental illness where you think everyone is too stupid to notice that this new obnoxious poster's username is extremely similar to the obnoxious poster who got perma'd last week.

Good one, Alucard, nobody will ever crack THAT code

# ? Sep 4, 2018 16:20

Applesnots: Oct 22, 2010; MERRY YOBMAS

Anyone remember that goon that was trying to grow giant bugs in a high oxygen atmosphere? I thought it was neat and then lost the thread a few years back.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 16:35

Yestermoment: Jul 27, 2007

Paladinus posted:

4B is not that far from the truth. This guy was onto something there.

Broken clock is right twice a day, etc.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 17:02

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Getting 2 million more votes than your opponent is not "one of the worst defeats in modern political history." Take a look at the 1972 and 1984 elections for a real example of that.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 17:50

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Eox posted:

It's astounding to me that he has been permabanned for ten years and made it five days before he was found out.

edit: how about a classic

Dude was really, really close honestly. Like this is kind of creepy

# ? Sep 4, 2018 19:38

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Literally none of the things he said would happen happened, with the possible exception of the stuff about the 3rd-tier candidates which is something everyone could figure out.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:15

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Moon Slayer posted:

Literally none of the things he said would happen happened, with the possible exception of the stuff about the 3rd-tier candidates which is something everyone could figure out.

He got Romney winning the primary right and recognized Ron Paul wasn�t gonna do poo poo but that isn�t really that hard a call to make.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:29

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

CharlestheHammer posted:

He got Romney winning the primary right and recognized Ron Paul wasn�t gonna do poo poo but that isn�t really that hard a call to make.

Romney lost the 2008 primary. He didn't even mention McCain.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:30

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

CharlestheHammer posted:

He got Romney winning the primary right and recognized Ron Paul wasn�t gonna do poo poo but that isn�t really that hard a call to make.

Nah it was 2008 - McCain won the primary.

e:fb

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:30

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

CharlestheHammer posted:

He got Romney winning the primary right and recognized Ron Paul wasn’t gonna do poo poo but that isn’t really that hard a call to make.

Wrong primary. The post is about 2008 not 2012.

E: yeesh.

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:31

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Romney lost the 2008 primary. He didn't even mention McCain.

Oh yeah I just realized that was 2008 not 2012.

So all he got was Ron Paul

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:31

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# ? May 21, 2024 06:39

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

He just had the names and years wrong - an extremely popular democratic candidate ran a campaign funded by his legions of supporters giving tiny donations, said candidate did in fact lose the nomination because of entrenched power structures, and Hillary was then completely owned by a corporate republican rear end in a top hat boss type guy in the general.

That's honestly pretty solid prediction just based on the general tone & direction of national discourse in 2008. He was off a decade but he fuckin called this poo poo

# ? Sep 4, 2018 20:55

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