The China Thread: The unnamed contagion can only incubate

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Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

caberham posted:

How do you retract your balls and make a fake shallow labia for penetration.

And when you live together with a girl long enough you will know when she�s on her period. How can you not know or suspect?

A lot of people don�t know or understand very much about bodies

I mean to be fair I�m obviously one of them since I also don�t understand how this retractable balls trick works

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:04

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# ? May 26, 2024 06:36

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

MetaJew posted:

Not so fast, hombre. I've got a super bland coworker that had to travel to Xian for work, and he definitely packed peanut butter and white bread with him.

Xian and north west China makes drat good hand pulled noodles. The flour there is amazing and people have a strong affinity with the dough. And loads of lamb kebabs and rice pilaf. They can always get fresh naan around the corner.

Chinese Muslim and north western is easily the most approachable kind of chinese food for the generic-western-basic-burger-only types of people.

Slabs of roasted skewered red meat and portions of freshly made carbs. You can�t go wrong! Not one bit of seafood!

Unless you don�t like cumin or coriander at all, then yeah go drink bleach and die

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:08

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

Pirate Radar posted:

A lot of people don�t know or understand very much about bodies

I mean to be fair I�m obviously one of them since I also don�t understand how this retractable balls trick works

It would be great to learn and make shaving your nuts much easier.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:09

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

caberham posted:

How do you retract your balls and make a fake shallow labia for penetration.

And when you live together with a girl long enough you will know when she�s on her period. How can you not know or suspect?

You don't. It's a 1960s face move.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:20

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

Huawei and ZTE is now banned from offering 5g services in Australia, which is a surprise as I thought Beijing had bought off enough Australian politicians. Anyway, gently caress Huawei and I hope more counties follow suit to block their shady as poo poo practices. gently caress Huawei.

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/08/24/huawei-australia-ban-on-5g-products-politically-motivated.html

quote:

[Huawei] said it was not compelled by Chinese law to install "backdoors or listening devices" to engage in espionage.

Well, that clears that up then, doesn't it?

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:44

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

fish and chips and dip posted:

Huawei and ZTE is now banned from offering 5g services in Australia, which is a surprise as I thought Beijing had bought off enough Australian politicians. Anyway, gently caress Huawei and I hope more counties follow suit to block their shady as poo poo practices. gently caress Huawei.

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/08/24/huawei-australia-ban-on-5g-products-politically-motivated.html

Well, that clears that up then, doesn't it?

It was not compelled by law. They instead freely chose to do it.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:45

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

OXBALLS DOT COM posted:

It was not compelled by law. They instead freely chose to do it.

Yeah exactly, the words chosen, and the words not chosen tell you exactly what you need to know.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 10:50

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

GotLag posted:

Thank you for mentioning this, I looked it up and it's quite the story.

M. Butterfly, by David Henry Hwang, is a play based on this story and it's a really loving good play, good enough to read on its own. Don't see the terrible loving movie. It has none of the play's humor, warmth, or analytical nature.

caberham posted:

How do you retract your balls and make a fake shallow labia for penetration.

And when you live together with a girl long enough you will know when she�s on her period. How can you not know or suspect?

The implication, based on Liaison, is that Boursicot was generally uninterested in women in general. His legal wife was a marriage of convenience. He was ignorant about sex in general, and believed Shi when he said that his inscrutable Oriental upbring made "her" so shyyyy in the bedroom that Boursicot could not look at his partner or leave the lights on.

Incidentally, I believe he lives openly with a man now, in France. Not Shi Pei Pu.

As for the balls thing, I have heard that it is possible, with training, to suck up yr nuts. I imagine a smooth and lubricated taint would fool a man drunk enough on love and confused enough about female anatomy in general.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 11:09

Bajaj: Sep 13, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

LimburgLimbo posted:

Hmm lovely bread I�ll never bother eating vs fashion that I can either enjoy (short shorts) or just literally not look at.

Dude, that lovely fashion spreads to China and then China-lites and SEA and then everyone looks like baseball jacket bowlcut Harry Potter with Balenciagas, white shorts, and white socks pulled up to the knees.

Or a billion advertisements plastered around cities of guys that look they work at Final Fantasy-themed ladyboy cabarets in Pattaya.

fish and chips and dip posted:

Well, that clears that up then, doesn't it?

It clears up the face saving. Since the exact opposite of everything that face savers say is the actual truth, it totally means the government threatened them to do it.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 14:40

Booty Pageant: Apr 20, 2012

the unironic faux euro mens' hairstyle, it's like a fuckin piece of hair rug

tragically my aunt took me to her hairdresser while i was over there, had look cool and hip like all the other kids trying to be cool and hip

but those old guys in the old hotel shopping places are p good

# ? Aug 27, 2018 15:01

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

https://chinadailyshow.com/opinion-let-me-give-you-my-invaluable-insight-from-spending-a-whole-week-in-china/

quote:

I�m in the business lounge of Shanghai airport, one of 400 world-class international aviation hubs that China is building every week, sipping a macchiato prepared by David, a 23-year-old IT graduate and barista, who speaks four languages and plays the violin like a concert-hall maestro.

I�ve spent nearly a week in Shanghai, running from business meetings to cocktail parties to speaking engagements. It�s hard to believe what�s going on.

Heading to meet the founder of Joystream, an exciting new startup, I ride in a �Didi,� a ride-sharing app quite similar to Uber. It�s ordered by my new Chinese friend Hamburger, a 24-year-old stockbroker and father of one, who moonlights on Didi so he can meet �interesting men.�

I ask Hamburger how he finds time to bond with his child, and he explains that Chinese people consider education sacred. While our kids are lounging around summer camp, toasting marshmallows, Hamburger�s toddler is doing long division and performing minor surgery on woodland animals. Hamburger gives me his number and urges me to call him later; the friendliness here is remarkable.

And he�s not alone. China is building tens of thousands of new schools, and there are plans to train 8 million new teachers over the next four months alone. They won�t be short of students, either �� as one charming official explained to me, China welcomes foreigners and wants to attract the cream of overseas talent, so applying for a visa is bound to be simple and straightforward. Apparently I may even qualify for a �Friend of China� green card.

Meanwhile back home, we�re rioting outside airports over �Muslim bans� � that�s if the airports haven�t already collapsed from neglect! China, in contrast, values its Muslim citizens so much it�s providing them with special education centers to learn more about the country�s governance.

What about coal? While Trump is promising to bring back inefficient jobs in loss-making mines, China has signed the Paris Agreement and shut down all its carbon-emitting plants. And it�s true: I couldn�t see a single chimney from the 29th floor of my hotel suite.

If you know want to know more about any country, I suggest you visit its five-star hotels �ideally in one or even two of the most famous cities. After arriving back from a tech conference via a bicycle I was simply able to pick up off the street for free, I ordered room service and, lo and behold, thirty minutes later a salad was wheeled to my door by Mandy, an eager graduate from Peking University, which she tells me is now on a par with Oxford or my own alma mater Yale.

And there are apparently thousands of these universities all over China, all churning out piano-wielding bilingual polymaths like David, Hamburger and Mandy by the truckload. Meanwhile the Chinese government has audacious plans for automation; soon many of these students will be happily replaced by multi-tasking robots.

Hearing this, my mind turns sorrowfully to the recent events in Charlottesville. They don�t talk about the past in China. In fact, not once did anyone bring up the country�s history. No, Chinese students aren�t interested in smashing things and tearing down old statues � they�re too busy building robot armies, and downloading hundreds of new apps, such as Joystream, a unique and exciting platform that allows users to swap gifts and share fun videos.

I check Joystream back at my hotel, and who do I see but Mandy! Her 6 million followers love watching Mandy eat bananas and chat about her life. What are our kids watching back in the States? Who knows, they�re too busy staring at their cell phones like robots.

We Westerners love to look down our noses at China, and sneer how their people are oppressed. Well, I didn�t certainly see any protests, or hear anyone complain about the government while I was in China. And while Washington is in gridlock, Chinese politicians are working every minute to ensure their people�s lives are better, more efficient, longer lasting.

So, President Trump � might I offer a piece of advice from someone who�s figured things out after only a week here. Why not spend a little less time on your golf course (which don�t exist in China, because they are quite sensibly banned to ensure stability) and a little more time on the 29th floor of the Ritz-Carlton Shanghai. You might find the view quite illuminating!

Malcolm Leveson is a senior partner with Lotus Solutions. The views expressed are definitely his own and he may own shares in all of the companies mentioned

oldie but goldie

# ? Aug 27, 2018 15:42

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Especially now that DiDi is shuttering its carpool service after whoops, another murder

# ? Aug 27, 2018 15:49

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

That Chinese ladyboy's secret is either ice or soaking his nuts in really cold water + a very closeted French dude into pitch black bum fun.

Your nuts retract by themselves when they get cold so you don't go infertile every winter.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:28

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Jeoh posted:

https://chinadailyshow.com/opinion-let-me-give-you-my-invaluable-insight-from-spending-a-whole-week-in-china/

oldie but goldie

A pitch-perfect Thomas Friedman clone. Impressive.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:39

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

Jeoh posted:

quote:
Well, I didn�t certainly see any protests, or hear anyone complain about the government while I was in China.

Gee, I really loving wonder why that might be?

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:46

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

according to the comments on that page the article's supposed to be satire

which, even if true, is still irresponsible as gently caress because not even english speakers can reliably tell the difference, you better believe the CCP will use even a satire piece as propaganda if it isn't obvious.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:49

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

5 star hotels is a big giveaway though

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:50

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

caberham posted:

5 star hotels is a big giveaway though

Is it? That's literally from a Thomas Friedman article

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:52

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

It�s pretty clearly satire of Thomas Friedman and similar writers but I suppose if you weren�t familiar with them then it wouldn�t be as obvious.

Hell, I bet if you weren�t familiar with Thomas Friedman and read some of his stuff you might think he was satire

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:54

Booty Pageant: Apr 20, 2012

poo poo and here i am getting coffees from a lady who vocals in a shoegaze band who's probably entering her 40s by now

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:56

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

"Hamburger"

# ? Aug 27, 2018 16:56

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

Satire or not, those kind of viewpoints do exists. But I do have to admit that now that I look at it through a satire lens, it is a bit on the nose although not overly so.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 17:19

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

It's Poe's Law in action

# ? Aug 27, 2018 17:21

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

underage at the vape shop posted:

That Chinese ladyboy's secret is either ice or soaking his nuts in really cold water + a very closeted French dude into pitch black bum fun.

Your nuts retract by themselves when they get cold so you don't go infertile every winter.

The voice of experience.

I seriously just looked up the cremaster on wikipedia...start doing Kegels, gentlemen. You, too, can really confuse a French diplomat.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 17:32

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

i just swam in rivers a lot as a kid its completely innocent i swear

# ? Aug 27, 2018 17:57

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

I heard that piss is stored in the balls.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 18:52

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

underage at the vape shop posted:

i just swam in rivers a lot as a kid its completely innocent i swear

Rivers of gutter butter, rushing like fetid waves of the perineum.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 19:43

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

underage at the vape shop posted:

That Chinese ladyboy's secret is either ice or soaking his nuts in really cold water + a very closeted French dude into pitch black bum fun.

Your nuts retract by themselves when they get cold so you don't go infertile every winter.

The cold doesn't make your balls retract all the way into your body so that you have a fuckable mangina though. Source: I have balls and live in Canada.

# ? Aug 27, 2018 19:49

ninjoatse.cx: Apr 9, 2005; Fun Shoe

My balls have only contracted in cold water. What am I doing wrong

About my balls, not my posting!

# ? Aug 27, 2018 20:55

Mr. Apollo: Nov 8, 2000

When I first started reading that story I figured it was from the 1800s but then they started talking about the cultural revolution and the guy went on trial in the 1970s? :psyduck:

# ? Aug 27, 2018 21:26

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

UltraRed posted:

My balls have only contracted in cold water. What am I doing wrong About my balls, not my posting!

Have you tried posting about your balls more?

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:15

Mistle: Oct 11, 2005; Eckot's comic relief cousin from out of town; Grimey Drawer

Gromit posted:

America has the lovely bread market sewn up already anyway. China can only try and catch up.

As terrible as some bread is, there's also very good bread.

America's lows are really loving low, but you only notice that if you look up and see how good the good stuff actually is.

caberham posted:

How do you retract your balls and make a fake shallow labia for penetration.

And when you live together with a girl long enough you will know when she�s on her period. How can you not know or suspect?

Idiot evangelicals have been known to not tell their daughters about the whole menstruation thing. Girls--the ones who menstruate--not knowing about it.

The whole abstinence only non-education concepts can go die. I was gonna suggest it eating poo poo first, but that might be a kink discussed in real sex ed-related lessons.

Jeoh posted:

https://chinadailyshow.com/opinion-let-me-give-you-my-invaluable-insight-from-spending-a-whole-week-in-china/

oldie but goldie

Let me see if my reading China thread pays off:

quote:

China is building 400 airports every week; either an exaggeration or a comment about building things that won't be used practically. David is a Chinese underemployment victim forced to make coffee despite his education and skills, or his education is bunk and his education and skills amount to being a barista.

Hamburger, a 24-year-old stockbroker and father of one, who moonlights on Didi so he can meet �interesting men.� He might be using the Didi to cruise for gay dudes. Hamburger doesn't spend time with his own child, but feeds the line about "sacred education" as though that actually matters. Hamburger gives the guy his number in hopes of a hookup.

Alternatively, Hambuger wants a "foreign friend" who is white to gain face.

[!!!]8[!!!] million new teachers but the buildings are either empty or shoddy, and the teachers aren't paid for the time(if any) they put in. The students thing has me puzzled; China[the government] isn't big on foreigners being foreign in China, but the money and face gain companies get from "foreigners with China education" is worth the trouble?

Something something buzzword euphemisms for Muslim concentration camps.

China says it's following the Paris Agreement( getting busted for reopening the ozone hole with CFC usage), but the smog is so bad, he can't see out his 29th story window.

The big cities cater to visitors and have the best resources, and either it's blissful ignorance at the "foreigner allowed hotels" or it's a low-key "you're safe in this part of the big cities" Mandy is like David, either underemployed or bogus education.

Churning out students, is true, but the quality may be suspect. Automation aspirations are true and poor unskilled labor.

"In fact, not once did anyone bring up the country�s history." No mention of Nanjing? Not surprising for a tech guy visiting the country, but he was only there for a week, I'd give it a month for that bombshell.Chinese people are technically glued to their phones like people here.

[!!!]watching Mandy eat bananas[!!!] Turns out Mandy is making bank from lonely guys giving her money for pretending to keep them company?

Party line about the Chinese government being the Chinese government, quashing protest and nobody caring becuase they're all making money.

"So, President Trump � might I offer a piece of advice from someone who�s figured things out after only a week here. Why not spend a little less time on your golf course (which don�t exist in China, because they are quite sensibly banned to ensure stability) and a little more time on the 29th floor of the Ritz-Carlton Shanghai. You might find the view quite illuminating!" gonna leave this as is because

Dude's an investor shilling his new Chinese app

# ? Aug 27, 2018 22:31

Vesi: Jan 12, 2005; pikachu looking at?

I saw a real one in the wild last week (thread)

https://twitter.com/farbood/status/1032723318250434560

# ? Aug 28, 2018 00:24

Kharnifex: Sep 11, 2001; The Banter is better in AusGBS

Ha, that's a magical Twitter post, it's amazing to see how blind he is, makes me think he's fallen for it or has something to promote (his startup)

# ? Aug 28, 2018 00:37

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

McGavin posted:

The cold doesn't make your balls retract all the way into your body so that you have a fuckable mangina though. Source: I have balls and live in Canada.

use your imagination

# ? Aug 28, 2018 02:10

D-Pad: Jun 28, 2006

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

As for the balls thing, I have heard that it is possible, with training, to suck up yr nuts. I imagine a smooth and lubricated taint would fool a man drunk enough on love and confused enough about female anatomy in general.

Your testicles start in your abdomen and descend around the time you are born (usually) and the space in your pelvic area they descended down also closes up (usually).

Mine did not. When I cum really hard my balls suck up into my body. You have no idea how hilarious the look on a girl's face is when she reaches over to fondle you after some intense lovemaking and all she feels is an empty sack.

# ? Aug 28, 2018 04:09

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

thanks for telling us

# ? Aug 28, 2018 04:13

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

D-Pad posted:

Your testicles start in your abdomen and descend around the time you are born (usually) and the space in your pelvic area they descended down also closes up (usually).

Mine did not. When I cum really hard my balls suck up into my body. You have no idea how hilarious the look on a girl's face is when she reaches over to fondle you after some intense lovemaking and all she feels is an empty sack.

that empty sacks like a little pillow for your dick to rest on after its work is done. You could call it a D-pad

# ? Aug 28, 2018 04:22

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

So, so do you just cough them back put or do they return of their own volition later? :ohdear:

Also how terrifying was it the first time that happened?

# ? Aug 28, 2018 04:24

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# ? May 26, 2024 06:36

Gromit: Aug 15, 2000; I am an oppressed White Male, Asian women wont serve me! Save me Campbell Newman!!!!!!!

Mistle posted:

As terrible as some bread is, there's also very good bread.

America's lows are really loving low, but you only notice that if you look up and see how good the good stuff actually is.

Every country has a baker somewhere that can make great bread so you can't go by that. The bread that normal people buy in the supermarket is terrible, as is the chocolate. The US makes great TV and movies, music, all sorts of amazing stuff. But they need to accept that they are bottom-tier on those 2 food items.

# ? Aug 28, 2018 04:39

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