/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

My husband (34/m) is about to throw in the towel! I (30/f) can�t allows this to happen!

quote:

My husband, Mike and I are going through a really hard time.

It started when my brother (who was fresh out of high schools do doesn�t have license at the time) stole my husband�s car and got into a hit and run and was found to be under influence of cannabis as well.

Mike was super upset and wanted to press charge against him. I managed to talk him out of it. Then we went under huge debt to get my brother off the hook with a slap on the wrist.

This created a lot of finical strain on us. Mike also have told me my brother is never ever allows at our place again ever! This hurt so much since i have helped raise him and am very close to him. But I respect Mike�s request.

Not long after, my grandmother�s health start to decline. It was decided that my mother wasn�t the best person to take her in. So against Mike�s wish, she moved in with us.

This created even bigger strain on us. My grandmother is extremely needy, talk a lot, need things at all sort of hours, and often could end up taking up hours of my time.

Our sex life began to suffer massively because of this. Mike also have said he�s tired of fighting and competing for my attention.

In attempt to fix our situation, my husband took on a new job early this year that he realty doesn�t liked, but it pay nearly three times as much as he was making. This job required him to be gone for anywhere between two and eight weeks.

Finical situation has got way better for us. It was a huge burden off our shoulders. But Mike is absolutely miserable.

He works in remote harsh area with no contact to civilians. Often working from the moment he is up to the time he go to bed.

So he usually have only a hour or two to himself. If he have phone reception, he pretty much expect me to give him undivided attention. If I am taking too long to reply or seems to be distracted, he get angry.

Also he have been wanting to sext so badly which do nothing for me. He also tried to ask for nude pictures. I don�t like having my picture out there, so that get shot down as well.

Lately my grandmother has been getting worse. So other night I explained to Mike that I may have to work only part time or even leave my job to take care of my grandmother.

This didn�t flew with Mike at all! He totally exploded. I tried to plead to at least let me do this until end of the year. Then he can leave his job and get something that would allows him to be home everyday even if it means putting my grandmother into a hospital home and me working two jobs.

Mike told me he is done with slaving away for my family and getting nothing in return. So once he returns, he�s done with working this job and it is all on me to make things work out!

I really can�t handle this! I have tried everything I can to make Mike happy. It really pains me to see him being this miserable and it really kills me every time I watch him steps out of the door to go to work. It is horrible to sleep next to him because I can hear how much pains he is in.

I have tried what I can. Mike blamed it all on my family. He told me I don�t want to be his wife since I don�t want to make time to give him my whole attention for just a hour or so when he�s gone or try to fulfill his sexual need somehow when he�s gone.

I am at end of my rope. I am terrified that Mike is not going to go back. In that case, he will just take a few weeks doing nothing before he go back to do what he used to and we really can�t afford that and I don�t want to put my grandmother into hospital home or put loads onto my mom�s shoulders.

Tldr;

Husband have to work a job he loathe to cover up all expenses my family put us in. Now he�s upset at me and want to put all loads onto me!

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:37

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# ? May 31, 2024 22:14

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Mike honestly should have divorced you way back at �lets to into financial debt fo my dui brother� so the fact the story continues is depressing.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:42

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

Are the olympics happening soon? Or just, like, again

If your point was that people can be real eager to brush stuff under the table, point taken.

Either way the school massively hosed up.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:45

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Lol "my husband dislikes that he has to work every waking moment for 8 weeks at a time in the loving mines or something where I wont even send him a flirty text much less respond to him in the few minutes he gets on the surface, and for some reason got even angrier when I suggested leaving my job so he's the only one working????? But I dont WANT to send my grandmother to a facility designed to actually take care of her!!! What can I do????"

Please let him go before he loving dies

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:51

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

LadyPictureShow posted:

My husband (34/m) is about to throw in the towel! I (30/f) can�t allows this to happen!

"We're in crushing debt because I badgered my husband into letting my brother get away with stealing and destroying our vehicle. Now, my husband works sunup to sundown in a harsh environment with no human contact to keep our heads above water. I'm going to quit my job to take care of another relative, and my husband is upset that our already strained finances are going to take another hit while the ten minutes per week that he isn't working and we get to be together are going to evaporate. Please help me convince him to stay without me having to change literally anything at all about my behavior."

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:54

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

LadyPictureShow posted:

My husband (34/m) is about to throw in the towel! I (30/f) can�t allows this to happen!

comments are great, OP really doubles down on what a saint she is

# ? Sep 2, 2018 20:57

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

MrQwerty posted:

comments are great, OP really doubles down on what a saint she is

My favorite was �well, I didn�t think grandma would last this long!�

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:02

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

How are y'all gonna talk about the comments without posting them. Think of us phoneposters :saddowns:

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:04

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Danaru posted:

How are y'all gonna talk about the comments without posting them. Think of us phoneposters

I gotcha fam.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9c851f/my_husband_34m_is_about_to_throw_in_the_towel_i/

Here�s a few:

quote:

I�d have done same for his family if they need it!

I know what my brother did was awful! But he was fresh out of high school and I really don�t want him to start his adult life with this taint on his record. Besides that if he did, things would be worse for us.

My grandmother, I don�t feel right about just abandon her in the hospital home. But it is definitely no picnic for me. It is very tough taking care of her. I�m usually totally beaten by end of the day from looking after her. Sometime I feels like I�m a prisoner in my own home because of that.

quote:

I feel like making sure my brother doesn�t end up with felony on his record and my grandmother didn�t end up in hospital home is far more important.

I know things are very hard for Mike. But it isn�t easy for me either and I have tried to compromise with him.

I feel like he should understand that it is hard for me to be able to give him my undivided attentions. Yet I try my best!

And sext and pictures things isn�t going to happen!

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:08

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

she doubles down on refusing to even send him a sext text message, literally the least she could do for him while he's in the gulag for two months

Jesus christ Mike you are way too loving patient

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:13

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

Danaru posted:

she doubles down on refusing to even send him a sext text message, literally the least she could do for him while he's in the gulag for two months

Jesus christ Mike you are way too loving patient

"I am not don't budging on giving Mike sexual attentions, much less any attentions! This will not happen!

Tell me how to fix my relationship!"

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:16

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Mike is a goddamn saint. Also the OP either speaks english as a second language, or she is intellectually disabled. What a loving mess.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:21

bob dobbs is dead: Oct 8, 2017; I love peeps; Nap Ghost

could be extremely rural

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:26

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Maybe, but she specifically doesn't understand grammatic tense which is an extremely common feature of second language speakers.

Also, and maybe I'm reaching here, I accept that, but the kind of "family over husband" thing that she's doing is pretty east Asian, where family tends to trump everything. It explains why Mike is at his wit's end and she's like "yeah I know it's hard but that's just how it is".

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:30

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

So it sounds like Mike's not *leaving her,* but is instead refusing to go back to work on the oil rig/fishing boat/coal mine/whatever loving terrible job he's doing.

She's not asking for advice on how to keep him from leaving, but how to get him to go back to this awful, and possibly life threatening, job.

He needs to run. This chick gives zero fucks about him and his well-being - psychological and otherwise.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:30

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

LadyPictureShow posted:

I gotcha fam.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9c851f/my_husband_34m_is_about_to_throw_in_the_towel_i/

Here’s a few:

You're awesome.

Mike is such a saint. If someone stole my car and wrecked it I would help the law come down crazy hard on them. If you're that stupid at 18 your life probably isn't going to turn out all puppies and kittens anyway. Might as well get your first felony before college (lol college who am I kidding.)

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:33

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Does she explain why her brother isnt trapped in the mines of grandma, the undying?

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:34

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Barudak posted:

Does she explain why her brother isnt trapped in the mines of grandma, the undying?

From what I could sift from the comments, her mom is taking care of the fuckup brother. She's insistent on taking care on of the grandma because her mom couldn't handle both the brother and the grandma. It's just hosed all around.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:36

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Barudak posted:

Does she explain why her brother isnt trapped in the mines of grandma, the undying?

She does not, but again, it's very SE Asian. The elder family member goes to live with the family who is best able to take her in. The brother is a total gently caress-up anyways.

e:

quote:

He works in remote harsh area with no contact to civilians. Often working from the moment he is up to the time he go to bed.

So he usually have only a hour or two to himself. If he have phone reception, he pretty much expect me to give him undivided attention. If I am taking too long to reply or seems to be distracted, he get angry.

Um, yeah, he wants to talk to his wife during the 1 hour he gets to be a human being per day. Sorry that this is such a massive burden, to give a flying gently caress about your husband who traded his life away to earn 3x his salary to take care of you and your extended fuckin' family. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about how hard your life is and how you need to quit working ASAP.

Taima fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Sep 2, 2018

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:40

ass cobra: May 28, 2004; by Azathoth

lol she wont even go through the effort of finding like a womens magazine template sext to send to the poor bastard

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:47

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Are they finally going to retire K9 units when drugs are all legalized?

I don't know, but are there any statistics on whether or not an officer with a dog partner is as likely to discharge their weapon as an officer with a human partner?

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:48

ass cobra: May 28, 2004; by Azathoth

https://twitter.com/BlondesE/status/1036198924942536705

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:50

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

tbh I can completely understand being crestfallen at the sudden loss of the 3x normal size bonus paycheck you have to do absolutely nothing for, especially when you were counting on it to basically retire. Dammit Mike you've ruined everything!

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:54

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Are they finally going to retire K9 units when drugs are all legalized?

I had to shoot th suspect, I was backing up a fellow officer and the perp was not complying.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:55

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

idk this part doesn't seem so bad, Mike should take her up on it

quote:

I tried to plead to at least let me do this until end of the year. Then he can leave his job and get something that would allows him to be home everyday even if it means putting my grandmother into a hospital home and me working two jobs.

I don't think she should send nudes, though. Never Send Nudes

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:57

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Taima posted:

She does not, but again, it's very SE Asian. The elder family member goes to live with the family who is best able to take her in. The brother is a total gently caress-up anyways.

Is the mom taking care of the brother part of this traditional dynamic? Eventually I think he needs to be cut loose but I realize that's a pretty typical white-American sentiment

# ? Sep 2, 2018 21:59

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

LadyPictureShow posted:

My [22F] best friend [21F] found out I was sleeping with her little brother, I think she�s going to tell her mom and I don�t know how to explain myself or what to do.

We can all guess why the brother�s age isn�t specified in the post...

He�s 16.

What kind of person just casually bangs her best friend's little brother who is also a teenager at age 22? gently caress. I hope she gets arrested. :barf:

# ? Sep 2, 2018 22:04

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Anne Whateley posted:

idk this part doesn't seem so bad, Mike should take her up on it

"If you just keep making yourself miserable for four more months I'll partly undo the bullshit I put you through to no benefit on your part (no I won't)" isn't actually a sweet deal when he can just quit now and tell the OP to go gently caress herself.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 22:10 on Sep 2, 2018

# ? Sep 2, 2018 22:08

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

QuarkJets posted:

Is the mom taking care of the brother part of this traditional dynamic? Eventually I think he needs to be cut loose but I realize that's a pretty typical white-American sentiment

If my son was stealing cars and drunkenly crashing them I'd definitely cut him loose. If anything all cultures need to get behind that.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 22:11

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

LadyPictureShow posted:

My husband (34/m) is about to throw in the towel! I (30/f) can�t allows this to happen!

We have found him: the anti-Pete. Just don't let Mike and Pete near each other, they will annihilate r/relationships.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 23:17

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Anne Whateley posted:

I don't think she should send nudes, though. Never Send Nudes

if you are already married and also your husband is as spineless as hers is it's probably safe to send them to him because he already puts up with so much bullshit what's he gonna do

# ? Sep 2, 2018 23:30

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

quote:

I have tried everything I can to make Mike happy

this line really gets me. Like she's done literally nothing to make him happy, she's gone against him at every turn and he's sacrificed everything. Even setting aside the whole sexting thing she gives so little of a poo poo about him she doesn't even consistently respond to him in the few hours he has off.

# ? Sep 2, 2018 23:49

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

quote:

I stopped letting my brother come over. That may doesn�t seems like a big deal, but it was very hard for me to do so.

I have offered to put my grandmother in the hospital home and work two jobs so he can quit this job if he keep at it until end of the year.

I stopped letting the guy who stole my husband's car come over, and it was SUPER HARD IT WAS SO MUCH TO GIVE UP!

And I will totally do this thing I am offering, I'm not trying to hold off until the end of the year just because I think my grandma will die soon and I don't want to put her in a home! Also, I'll take two jobs so we still have no time whatsoever together because I am really good at judging what my husband wants, obviously!

# ? Sep 2, 2018 23:54

Hello Ketene: Dec 30, 2011

from r/deadbedrooms:

Horrible fight last night may have ended my marriage

quote:

I�ve lurked sub before but I was too afraid to post as the LL one in the relationship.

Background: I�m 34/f and have been married to my husband (35/m) for 5 years. If I�m being honest, although I think I have a fairly normal sex drive, I�ve never had much interest in having so with another person. There are many reasons for this but I think it comes down to body image issues, anxiety, etc. I am in therapy and have started and stopped a couple of different medications over the last several years. So this is something that I�m working on.

Last night my husband and I were lying in bed when he mentioned that we hadn�t had sex in 3 weeks. I responded that it didn�t seem like it�d been that long but he insisted that he was right. I told him I really wasn�t in the mood but we could try tomorrow.

Apparently that wasn�t satisfactory because he announced he�d just get himself off. Now I want to note that he has never masturbated in front of me before. That just isn�t something we do. Anyway he started just going at it under the blankets. I�m not really a prude and I don�t mind if he masturbates in general, but I was very put off by this. It almost seemed like he was doing it to spite me.

I asked him to stop (he didn�t) and I reached over to try to swat his hand away. He then grabbed my hand and put it over his erection. I snatched my hand back and called him a perv. He got annoyed, and snapped that I had succeeded in making him soft, and stopped.

I said �sorry that you sexually assaulting me didn�t get me in the mood.�

When I said that, he glared at me and said �You don�t have to worry because I will never have sex with you again.� That sort of shocked me. I just went to sleep, and figured we would talk about things in the morning.

Well the talk didn�t really happen. Early this morning, he decided to go to his parents� house for the weekend without me, and he�ll probably be there until late Monday. I have no idea what to do as we aren�t really speaking right now. I�m still upset about last night, but I�m looking for advice on how to fix things.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:20

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I too deal with fights with my partner by sleeping it off until morning, but Im in a poly relationship with Jim Beam and Jack Daniels.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:26

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

there is a simple fix though: get a bracelet that says "WWYD" (meaning "what would you do?") and then whatever it is you think you would do in that situation, the opposite

What if you get sued by Marc Summers and Nickelodeon?

E: gently caress, a Marc Summers joke was made almost immediately after.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:34

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Batterypowered7 posted:

What if you get sued by Marc Summers and Nickelodeon?

E: gently caress, a Marc Summers joke was made almost immediately after.

Verily, 'twas the Summers of your discontent.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:37

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

QuarkJets posted:

I don't know, but are there any statistics on whether or not an officer with a dog partner is as likely to discharge their weapon as an officer with a human partner?

The K9 cops are the same as the human ones, in terms of rank. They won't go anywhere, because they are too useful in other matters: finding lost kids, taking down suspects (you can't outrun them), locating where the body is buried, and so on.

However, stealing and eating a sandwich is a major no-no. A sharp lawyer could get all that dog's drug busts tossed out because it shows the dog is unreliable.

I train my own seizure alerting service dogs. Teaching them not to take food is tough, but they eventually get it. Like someone said upthread, the sandwich could have had all kinds of bad things put in it to deliberately hurt or kill the dog. That dog needs refresher training before it really gets hurt.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:38

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

DACK FAYDEN posted:

if you are already married and also your husband is as spineless as hers is it's probably safe to send them to him because he already puts up with so much bullshit what's he gonna do

It's not even about how much you trust the other person, because their phone is still gonna get stolen or hacked or lost or dropped down a raindrain

# ? Sep 3, 2018 00:47

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# ? May 31, 2024 22:14

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Please help urgent, I [30f] want to kick out friend [30M] who is visiting because he scared me

So what did he do? Place your bets!

quote:

I have a friend visiting from Europe I�m in America, we are not romantically involved in anyway, I am a Christian and he is a traditional muslim. Today he mentioned one of my iranian friends seeming too westernized, I said people from Iran are all different all are not devout Muslims, some are jewish bahai christian or atheist.

Somehow he took this conversation to attack me on not supporting the iranian regime. I said why would I support it their government is oppressive. I don�t know if this triggered him but the conversation got really weird. I am not an argumentative type and he is very clever so I feel like he was trying to trap me and make me feel stupid.

I kept saying I�m not interested in talking about politics or arguing, literally my voice was trembling the whole time because I was so uncomfortable, but he wouldn�t stop. He went on to say Europeans leave America and say it�s the most oppressive nation in the world, he continued on his America bashing for quite sometime and when I asked him to stop he kept saying I didn�t say it I was letting you know the perception of Europeans, I feel like he was just playing mind games with me.

My daughter was getting uncomfortable because she could sense I was uncomfortable so I said I�m putting my daughter to sleep now. As I was taking her he kept continuing on. My daughter kept saying I don�t like your friend mommy he�s mean.

He was meant to stay in my home for a week, we are longtime friends from many years ago, but I want him out. Should I tell him in the morning he needs to leave and if I feel comfortable I will spend time with him later? Is it mean to just kick him out like that? Money is not a problem for him he has plenty of it.

I feel very shaken by this because my voice was trembling my daughter was scared and I continued to repeat that I didn�t want to argue with him but he would not stop.

Update: I had my brother in the living room this morning and asked my friend to leave. He seems very psychologically abusive because he started gaslighting me and acting like he didn�t make any strange comments to me the night before. Then he said he will book an early flight home and get a hotel tonight. He said I�m making him feel scared so he does prefer to leave. I think he was scared because he probably thought I�d call the police or contact the fbi or something. I still have a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. He just left but I�m going to completely block him from everything. I was the most upset that he had my daughter scared, she�s still telling me that my friend is a scary man who is not nice. It was weird last night, although my voice was trembling and I kept asking him to stop talking about politics it was like he was enjoying me feeling so uneasy. It was sick and this morning he was talking in such a calm gentle tone to make me feel insane. Thanks everyone this experience taught me a lot. I�m going to be very careful about who I let into my life in the future. Someone who enjoys seeing you uncomfortable and scared is not your friend.

# ? Sep 3, 2018 01:25

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