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I think that post fails to support the claim that the elven vagina is a mass of tentacles. It supports there being at least one tentacle well, though
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Sep 10, 2018 18:08
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cheetah7071 posted:I think that post fails to support the claim that the elven vagina is a mass of tentacles. It supports there being at least one tentacle well, though It'd have to be at least two: one for the cock-ringing and one for the sounding effect.
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Sep 10, 2018 20:52
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I’m staying the gently caress outta this, I was drunk when I wrote it and I barely remember why I landed on tentacles instead of some kinda suction cup system, except that tentacles just sounds more horrifying
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Sep 10, 2018 23:40
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You could always just say it's a Drawn Together reference. Though yeah, I guess that is more embarrassing
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Sep 10, 2018 23:43
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elise the great posted:I’m staying the gently caress outta this, I was drunk when I wrote it and I barely remember why I landed on tentacles instead of some kinda suction cup system, except that tentacles just sounds more horrifying Are you suggesting some kind of vacuum-pump vagina thing?
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Sep 11, 2018 00:49
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Sounds like YOURE the one suggesting that tbh
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Sep 11, 2018 01:02
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Peristalsis.
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Sep 11, 2018 01:12
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Sometimes I wonder if my  was well-spent. Not today. 
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Sep 11, 2018 01:27
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elise the great posted:I’m staying the gently caress outta this, I was drunk when I wrote it and I barely remember why I landed on tentacles instead of some kinda suction cup system, except that tentacles just sounds more horrifying gently caress that; I refuse to believe that it was anything but a well-researched and level-headed seriouspost about elf reproduction that is definitely approved LOTR canon.
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Sep 11, 2018 02:30
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I would suggest trying to email Christopher Tolkien to ask for a definitive answer re: vagina tentacles, but I don't want to be indirectly responsible for horrifying an old man to death.
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Sep 11, 2018 03:31
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I'd be kind of surprised if Christopher Tolkien used email. edit: Dildo thread here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3785918 elise post here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3785918&pagenumber=4&perpage=40#post463511251 Page 10, the thread won its place in the hall of fame and glory: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3785918&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=10#post463712369 Vavrek fucked around with this message at 05:26 on Sep 11, 2018 |
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Sep 11, 2018 05:19
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Just came to post that Sam Gamgee is an absolute pisspot.quote:Frodo stepped inside the dark door. 'Sam!' he called. 'Sam! Time!'
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Sep 11, 2018 08:02
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Ohh, a stack of new posts in the Tolkien thread, I wonder if aaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Sep 11, 2018 09:05
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Octy posted:Just came to post that Sam Gamgee is an absolute pisspot.
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Sep 11, 2018 11:20
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That's the Bucklanders, the Tooks are the ones who, ahem, all live in the same giant house together
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Sep 11, 2018 11:46
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Octy posted:Just came to post that Sam Gamgee is an absolute pisspot. Tbh he had a point, they next get a drink in Bree, then a shot of Gandalf’s flavored elvish vodka on Caradhras, and then what? Water increasingly tainted by industrial effluent all the way to Doom. Maybe Bombadil’s moonshine counts as well but idk. Actually now that I flip through it Faramir gives them enough wine to make Sam forget himself as well. This book has more drinking than I remember. skasion fucked around with this message at 11:58 on Sep 11, 2018 |
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Sep 11, 2018 11:54
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skasion posted:Tbh he had a point, they next get a drink in Bree, then a shot of Gandalf’s flavored elvish vodka on Caradhras, and then what? Water increasingly tainted by industrial effluent all the way to Doom. Tolkien was a lush. Forget Red Bull: Ent-draughts make you taller!
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Sep 11, 2018 12:35
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Octy posted:Just came to post that Sam Gamgee is an absolute pisspot. Tolkien paints a really unflattering portrait of Sam as a simple country bumpkin/talking dog. He's a working class noble savage.
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Sep 11, 2018 15:55
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skasion posted:Tbh he had a point, they next get a drink in Bree, then a shot of Gandalf’s flavored elvish vodka on Caradhras, and then what? Water increasingly tainted by industrial effluent all the way to On the contrary, Gildor gives them something that sounds like dessert wine. The effect is similar to alcohol anyway. quote:They found that the Elves had filled their bottles with a clear drink, pale golden in colour: it had the scent of a honey made of many flowers... very soon they were laughing, and snapping their fingers at rain, and at Black Riders. Also they get wrecked immediately afterwards on Farmer Maggot's beer. Octy fucked around with this message at 21:17 on Sep 11, 2018 |
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Sep 11, 2018 21:02
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Sounds like mead.
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Sep 11, 2018 21:16
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Elves drinking mead? Get outta here!
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Sep 11, 2018 21:18
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Farmer Maggot also has beer on tap at his place, that's commented on as being as good as what's served at the inn Frodo makes them skip out on.
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Sep 11, 2018 21:21
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sassassin posted:Tolkien paints a really unflattering portrait of Sam as a simple country bumpkin/talking dog. e: And less stereotyped!
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Sep 11, 2018 21:28
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I'd expect Hobbits to recognize mead. Having apparently pretty well-developed agriculture, I'd be surprised if they didn't keep bees. The fact that they eat cakes indicates some form of sugar production, and honey is the most likely (sugar beet processing doesn't seem like Tolkien's bag). Given that they brew beer and wine, I'd expect them to also make mead. Tolkien may have been thinking about mead, though, but didn't want to explicitly call it that. He surely had his own views about what saying "mead" would invoke. The Rohirrim capital is called Meduseld, Mead-Hall, and they are the sort of noble barbarian that comes to mind when you think "mead". I don't think he wanted to put elves in that same sort of niche.
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Sep 11, 2018 21:36
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Nessus posted:I dunno, Sam's dialogue is more coherent than your posting Coherent to the point where Frodo thinks it's worth describing Sam's face as 'unusually thoughtful'.
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Sep 11, 2018 21:36
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Pham Nuwen posted:I'd expect Hobbits to recognize mead. Having apparently pretty well-developed agriculture, I'd be surprised if they didn't keep bees. The fact that they eat cakes indicates some form of sugar production, and honey is the most likely (sugar beet processing doesn't seem like Tolkien's bag). Given that they brew beer and wine, I'd expect them to also make mead. Tolkien's Elves are exactly the type of Heroic Saga folks that would quaff mead and feast before and after big hunts, and then all commit suicide by hubris. They are by turns both very noble and very savage. The prim, proper, almost-robotic and passionless Elf is a more modern invention than Tolkien.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:00
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It was a classic Sauternes from about 2930, I tell you.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:18
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Elves make mead, even if the hobbits are occasionally too dopey to notice. When they drink farewell to the fellowship in Lorien, it’s a cup of white mead they drink from, and a bit later in Galadriel’s song the phrase “lissë-miruvóreva” is translated “of the sweet mead”. “Miruvor” is a pretty broad word that can mean any kind of special drink (the stuff that Elrond gives them really doesn’t seem like mead, or at least isn’t compared to it; and Galadriel’s phrase here seems more like it’s talking about the nectar of the gods than anything else) but the point here is explicitly to hearken back to the mead they just drank. Tolkien is generally more fond of using “mead” in the sense of “meadow” though.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:26
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Plus, it's elvish mead -- if it's made with honey, it's mead, but presumably elvish mead differs as much from the mead of the Rohirrim as trappist ales differ from Budweiser.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:41
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Galadriel probably still has a nice bottle of Valinorean wine she's been saving for a special occasion
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Sep 11, 2018 22:42
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Etymologically, “miruvór” doesn’t denote anything to do with mead or even cordial; it just means “precious juice”. So I’m forced to conclude it’s elvish for “the hard stuff”.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:50
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cheetah7071 posted:Galadriel probably still has a nice bottle of Valinorean wine she's been saving for a special occasion Yeah, she’s not gonna share that poo poo with any Moriquendi-rear end bitch. Probably cracked it open with Gandalf on their victory lap after the war.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:53
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quote:They went on for perhaps another couple of miles. Then the sun gleamed out of ragged clouds again and the rain lessened. It was now past mid-day, and they felt it was high time for lunch. They halted under an elm tree: its leaves though fast turning yellow were still thick, and the ground at its feet was fairly dry and sheltered. When they came to make their meal, they found that the Elves had filled their bottles with a clear drink, pale golden in colour: it had the scent of a honey made of many flowers, and was wonderfully refreshing. Very soon they were laughing, and snapping their fingers at rain, and at Black Riders. The last few miles, they felt, would soon be behind them. I love them snapping their fingers at the ring wraiths. What a mental picture.
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Sep 11, 2018 22:56
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Hieronymous Alloy posted:Plus, it's elvish mead -- if it's made with honey, it's mead, but presumably elvish mead differs as much from the mead of the Rohirrim as trappist ales differ from Budweiser. For all that their hall is named for it, the House of Eorl does not seem to drink mead, at least not for royal functions. Eowyn toasts Theoden with wine. Then again, Theoden is as much Gondorian as he is Rohirric so maybe we shouldn’t be too surprised by such southern ways. skasion fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Sep 11, 2018 |
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Sep 11, 2018 23:10
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Maybe bee-farming was more economical back north where Eorl was from, and grapes grow better in Rohan
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Sep 11, 2018 23:12
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Why did Aragorn's ancestors decided to hang around in the north after the fall of Arnor instead of taking up the throne in Gondor?
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Sep 12, 2018 06:04
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OctaviusBeaver posted:Why did Aragorn's ancestors decided to hang around in the north after the fall of Arnor instead of taking up the throne in Gondor? Gondor had just rejected the claim of Arnor's king quite recently when Arnor fell.
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Sep 12, 2018 06:07
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They probably didn’t really have the resources to make a claim credible either. They weren’t kings anymore, they were chieftains of wandering bands who nobody respected or liked. Just surviving was probably hard enough without trying to send an embassy hundreds of miles to convince another state to let them be king.
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Sep 12, 2018 12:23
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The Elves kept them around to use as game wardens and emergency proxy rulers.
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Sep 12, 2018 13:14
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Nah, that’s just Aragorn, who gets to be Elrond’s fosterling and third-in-command to his sons growing up. The rest of the Dunedain aren’t on retainer. The Tale of A&A says that it was Estel’s impressive performance on one of Elladan and Elrohir’s goblin pogroms that convinced Elrond to tell him who he was and give him the ring of Barahir. For the previous 1000 years he couldn’t give a gently caress.
skasion fucked around with this message at 13:51 on Sep 12, 2018 |
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Sep 12, 2018 13:45
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