/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Moving the difficulty slider to "auto-success" with r/mensa:

Girlfriend constantly contradicts me (IQ 162), becoming flustrated.
My advice? Get some help or get better when writing stdh.txt, but I want to believe.

I said "what the gently caress" when reading that. It's probably fake, but for real, a lovely fantasy either way.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 04:46

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# ? May 24, 2024 22:12

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Have you been watching The Battle of Algiers or something?

I(36f) mentioned the possibility of a threesome to my boyfriend(36m) and now he's uncomfortable with me and our relationship

Polyamory claims another relationship.

Why on earth would you actually voice this to your SO, my god.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 05:00

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Have you been watching The Battle of Algiers or something?

I(36f) mentioned the possibility of a threesome to my boyfriend(36m) and now he's uncomfortable with me and our relationship

Polyamory claims another relationship.

hot take she wants to bone the dude and this is a stepping stone

# ? Sep 12, 2018 05:14

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

He had the right reaction. He sees his partner make friends with the poly chick even after clashing with her obnoxious bf. Then a little while later he sees the influence of the new friendship rub off in what is, from his perspective, an entirely new sexual desire for her to have. He wasn't horny enough to be blinded by the threesome so recognized the poo poo she was soon to be dragging him into and the people she would be forcing him into closer proximity with.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 05:28

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Absurd Alhazred posted:

ftfy

Look, man. I can't just ignore the dwarf and the hobo. That's RUDE.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 05:32

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

November 2013 was interesting times in Dear Prudence:

quote:

Dear Prudence,
My husband achieved professional success and wealth early in life. His work involved long hours and lots of stress, and by his 30s he decided that he wanted out. His accumulated wealth could easily support our lifestyle indefinitely, so he retired about 18 months ago, shortly after the birth of our first child. He has not found anything to do in that time! We have an excellent nanny 40 hours a week, and outside those hours my husband is an extremely involved father. We split the domestic duties roughly 50�50, as before, but now I am the only one working and he says he shouldn�t be "penalized" by having extra domestic responsibilities. So he spends the week dicking around (gym, squash, books, movies, etc.). It's making me crazy with resentment, especially when I come home from a hard day at work. He tells me I should just quit if I don�t like it, and that I shouldn�t worry about being dependent because he�s set up a trust fund for me and our son. But I also think it sets a bad example for our son to see a father who doesn't have some productive purpose in life. My husband disagrees and says he will be "an excellent corrective to the productionist propaganda schools inflict on kids to make them the unquestioning worker bees the economy demands." He says he doesn't care if our son grows up to work hard and that work is a lamentable necessity and it is only �false consciousness� to think otherwise. I'm tired of this devolving into a sociological debate! How can we resolve this?

�Do Something

quote:

Dear Prudence,
About a year ago, my mother temporarily transferred a financial asset of hers into my bank account in order to escape a tax issue. Now she's asking me transfer the asset back to her. This is impossible seeing as how I've spent it. It will take a few years to pay her back. We have only recently established a good relationship. Mom was largely absent during my childhood and I carried a lot of anger; she is a self-described difficult and "hard" person. A few years ago I made a conscious effort to start fresh with her. I reached out and we keep up by phone but we haven't seen each other in a few years. We�re getting together for Thanksgiving where she'll meet my child, her only grandchild, for the first time. She said she wants to do the asset transfer then. I'm terrified at the thought of confessing this huge betrayal and jeopardizing our newly established relationship. Should I wait to tell until after she's at least met my child? I doubt we'll go from the airport straight to the bank, so I'd probably have at least a day or two before having to drop the bomb. Or do I come clean before the visit? I think she would cancel and probably would not speak to me for quite some time.

�Don�t Want to Talk Turkey

quote:

Dear Prudence,
I'm in a happy, loving, stable, and trusting relationship with the woman of my dreams. We are engaged to be married and share a home together. I have only one issue with our relationship, and frankly I know it will make me sound weird and overly sensitive. It�s the evil photograph. There�s a photograph of her dressed up, looking dazzling, in a red dress. In its original state, which I saw once on social media, she�s with her former boyfriend. Recently I joined Twitter, and when I followed my fianc�e I saw that this photo, with the ex cropped out, was her profile picture. It made me really mad because I knew the original was associated with him. Needless to say, that ended my tweeting. I tried to block the photo out of my mind, some time passed, and then I got a request to connect with her on LinkedIn. There�s the photo again! Suppress, suppress, suppress. A month later we�re ready to watch one of our favorite television shows and she's messing with some social site and again, there�s that drat picture. My mood immediately went from excited and happy to cold and withdrawn and she definitely noticed because she asked if I was OK. (I said I was fine.) I know she looks beautiful in the photo, but I hate it. Is this worth mentioning to her or should I just put my big boy pants on and continue to suppress the image and feelings that are pretty likely to surface again?

�Out of Focus

# ? Sep 12, 2018 05:56

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Haifisch posted:

November 2013 was interesting times in Dear Prudence:

Those first two are doozies, that last one is pretty lmao.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:00

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Was that back before Danny Ortberg took over dear prudence? He does a good job but man sometimes I miss Emily yoffe�s vicious hectoring.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:01

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

andrew smash posted:

Was that back before Danny Ortberg took over dear prudence? He does a good job but man sometimes I miss Emily yoffe�s vicious hectoring.

Yup. My favorite response in there is to the "oops I stole my mom's money when she was using me for tax fraud" issue:

quote:

Dear Don�t,
Since Thanksgiving is a holiday at which sharp knives are used, I urge you to tell your mother before she gets on the plane. Alternately, if she arrives without your having told her, the first thing to do is sit her down and have a family viewing of The Grifters. There�s some kind of karmic justice in a long-neglected daughter making her own use of the fraudulently deposited funds of a tax-evading mother. But since your mother is a self-described �hard� person, let�s assume she won�t see this through a Buddhist lens. Upon establishing a tentative d�tente with you, your mother thought it was a good idea to use you as the bag woman in her plan to defraud the government. So I don�t have much hope for the long-term quality of your relationship or her devotion as a grandmother. Tell your mother now, assume the festivities are off, and find someone else to share the bounty of the season with.

�Prudie

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:04

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Yeah, Emily Yoffe did it for yearssss and Ortberg only very recently took over

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:05

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Haifisch posted:

November 2013 was interesting times in Dear Prudence:

Feel like the response to the last one is off. Like yeah having photos with you and your ex around in the archives of social media is a thing that shouldn't be a big deal and people overreact to, but having it as your profile pic is kinda weird, particularly when all your friends/family/etc presumably know the context of the photo.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:05

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Anne Whateley posted:

Yeah, Emily Yoffe did it for yearssss and Ortberg only very recently took over

I know, I�ve been reading it on and off for close to a decade at this point. I just lose track of when they switched. I thought Ortberg had been doing it for a few years now.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:10

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

ArbitraryC posted:

Feel like the response to the last one is off. Like yeah having photos with you and your ex around in the archives of social media is a thing that shouldn't be a big deal and people overreact to, but having it as your profile pic is kinda weird, particularly when all your friends/family/etc presumably know the context of the photo.

She might just see it as an awesome picture of herself in her favorite red dress. I think the OP is insecure to read so much. I mean, she removed the ex from the picture after all, she's making it about her, not them or then.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:42

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

andrew smash posted:

I know, I�ve been reading it on and off for close to a decade at this point. I just lose track of when they switched. I thought Ortberg had been doing it for a few years now.

I do not understand how time started happening so quickly

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:46

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

If it is an ex that is out of the picture he is way overreacting. If it is an ex that is still hanging around just out of frame he has better reason for insecurity. In any case the real solution is to buy a couple's gift of a fancy photoshoot together and then tell her she is so beautiful in the resulting photo that she should use it everywhere.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 06:51

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

BF (M, 30) Cheated on me (F, 29) this Weekend After 7 Years...While I was Visiting his Parents.

My boyfriend cheated on me this past weekend with a co worker while I was visiting his parents out of state.

He also downloaded the app "Hinge" and had a profile on there which I found in his email. He has dragged me through hell this past year, and I've stayed by his side every step of the way--last August he was hospitalized for what was the start of a severe alcohol addiction--it ended up 3 hospitalizations and one rehab stint in the past year. Just last week he told me he didn't know how he'd exist without me...I am utterly blindsided by the cheating.

What is your best advice for moving forward? The most difficult feeling I'm having right now, is that my best friend is gone, vanished. The person I've woke up to every morning for 7 years, texted throughout the day, and said goodnight to is essentially dead. And while I don't think there's any saving this, my emotions are all over the place.

UPDATE 11PM: he just texted me that his transmission in his car broke and he needs help. gently caress yes karma, gently caress yes. (I�m not responding)

TLDR: How do I get over this?

# ? Sep 12, 2018 07:28

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

andrew smash posted:

Was that back before Danny Ortberg took over dear prudence? He does a good job but man sometimes I miss Emily yoffe�s vicious hectoring.

you ain't kidding

quote:

Dear Prudence,
A few months ago, in order to spice up our sex lives, I persuaded my wife of four years to try swinging. I searched online and found an ordinary-looking couple I thought would suit us to begin with. We met, had dinner, went to a hotel, and swapped partners. I am a fit, fairly good-looking, well-endowed man. I was surprised and dismayed when the other man, who is older, somewhat overweight, and balding, undressed. He was way larger than me, and for two hours I had to watch him work my wife into multiple fits, screams, and moans. Since this experience (which we have not repeated), I haven't been able to look at my wife in the same way. I cannot get that night out of my mind. It's affecting my work and ability to be happy. Sometimes I feel I could just punch my wife in the face. I want a divorce. The few friends I have confided in about this say that I am being unfair, but I cannot see how I could possibly be content in my marriage ever again. Is there a way I can overcome this?

quote:

Dear Outgunned,
Next time you consider swinging, choose your new partners more carefully. You're looking for an advertisement that says something like, "She's svelte, stacked, and sexy. He's fat, bald, hung like a gnat, and suffering from erectile dysfunction." How sweet for your wife, whom you coerced into this, that the male member of your "ordinary couple" ended up being an oversized piston. Perhaps you watched her having the best sex of her life while neglecting your own duties. Possibly your wife was putting on something of a show just to yank your chain. Now you want to divorce her, after first giving her a sucker punch. If you feel you're actually a danger to your wife, you need to tell her and move out for her safety. You sound like quite a prize, and since you've obviously been behaving abominably since your encounter, I hope your wife has already tied up the services of the best divorce lawyer in town. However, if both of you want to salvage your marriage, you need the help of a mental health professional. You've fallen into an obsessive spiral that's destroying you. You need medication, or meditation, or some intervention to get your thoughts back on track. Whether or not your wife is willing to rebuild your marriage, you owe her an apology. Tell her that you made a dreadful mistake and you hate that you pressured her to have sex with another man. Then take a look at Aesop's fable about the tortoise and the eagle, which is a nice summary of the consequences of getting what you wished for.

gently caress 'im up, Prudie

# ? Sep 12, 2018 07:31

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

I know one poly relationship that works. Its a ~70% gay guy with a ~70% straight chick, they get each others approval for new sexual partners, and are raising two kids together. It might help that they're pushing their late 30's/early 40's, whereas all the 18-30 poly relationships seem to go down in flames.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 08:31

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Weird how Illegal Party Toilet Lady doesn't mention the husband's age in this one.

My partner is taking up weed because he saw Felon Musk smoke posted:

edit- loving really, autocorrect? uuuuuugh.

My husband of 10 years makes his money as a "forage guide" for folks coming up from the city looking to gently caress around in the woods for rare mushrooms or whatever. In the past few years he's encountered more and more people who take these trips as an excuse to get hosed up on drugs, especially psychedelics. He's a fairly colorful person himself, he's got plenty of experience as a trip guide, but it's kind of insulting that they aren't interested in sharing his wisdom about the natural world.

On his last trip, apparently someone passed him one of those liquid weed vaporizers and he had an incredible experience. He wouldn't shut up about it. Ever since Musk had that interview where he smoked his joint on camera, my beau is convinced that he's getting into weed now.

I respect his right over his body, but the household I grew up in suffered a lot of hardships because both of my parents were addicted to a cocktail of substances which changed based on whatever was available, and the withdrawals were really bad. We're talking up-for-days, hurl lamps through the windows poo poo. I know I've got their addiction genes, which is why it was such a relief that he agreed we wouldn't ever even keep alcohol in the house. His family was similar, his dad got arrested for giving a little bit of meth to a cop in a bar restroom.

I want to stress that point: He's a dude of substance, not substances. He meditates to greet the sunrise most days, cooks clean meals, and keeps fit. He's respectful, soft-spoken, and polite. This sudden interest in weed is a huge shift for him, and I'm worried it's a sign of something bigger. He was a wild child when he was younger, but he mellowed out after a bad batch of something killed off like half his friend group in a two week period. Even back then, he preferred liquor and psychedelics to weed.

He insists it's not a medical issue, he just "had a revelation" that this was what was missing from his life. I don't want him throwing thousands of dollars into a little glass pipe, we aren't hurting for money but I'd rather spend that on vacations or things we do TOGETHER.

As he talked to me about this, before I could even object, he promised to keep everything in a locked box in his shed and never bring it inside. I told him I'd think about it, I appreciate that he knew I'd object and is keeping that in mind, but I'm really not sure what to do here.

Frankly, I'm worried that I'm going to try it and get addicted as well. I went to high school with too many people who started stealing from their dad's stash and dropped out by junior year. A lot of my coworkers from previous jobs would put up with the worst situations imaginable because the thought of going without weed made them physically ill.

Have any older couples encountered this kind of situation before? I'm curious how to handle it. I think I'm going to tell him that it's his body, he can choose what to put inside it, as long as it stays out of the house. I also want to reserve the right to shut down his romantic advances if I feel like he's too hosed up, because I don't gently caress guys who are hosed up on ANYTHING. Biggest turnoff ever. These are the boundaries I feel I could be comfortable with, but I also want to reserve the right to re-negotiate if I dislike how his new habit is impacting our relationship.

edit- oh of COURSE someone does this poo poo:

quote:

What you see as "hosed up on drugs", they see as having a beautiful spiritual experience on entheogenic substances and reconnecting with nature, reconnecting with the deepest parts of themselves, and remembering what it fundamentally means to be human. Lots of successful people use psychedelics occasionally in ways that increase their sense of wellbeing and make themselves more compassionate, better people. Psychedelics and cannabis have been used in spiritual ceremonies for thousands of years.

Your husband sounds like a well-balanced person, so I doubt any of these relatively non-addictive drugs would send him down this negative path as you're assuming he will.

quote:

Yeah I don't buy a word of that. This isn't some fake shaman bullshit run by some California douchebag, they're a bunch of day traders getting hosed up and puking in the bushes. They're not reconnecting with poo poo, and most of what you've written is a transparent bid to justify substance abuse. Hard pass.

Then there's some more bullshit from this wanker, and OP responds:

quote:

Sure sure, right, there's a bit of a difference between a theraputic application of Actual Medicine, administered in a clinical environment, and eating a handful of fly agaric and making GBS threads yourself in the Vermont backwoods. Don't try and conflate the issues here.

PHIZ KALIFA fucked around with this message at 08:36 on Sep 12, 2018

# ? Sep 12, 2018 08:33

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

Weird how Illegal Party Toilet Lady doesn't mention the husband's age in this one.

edit- oh of COURSE someone does this poo poo:

Then there's some more bullshit from this wanker, and OP responds:

Jesus Christ imagine having to consult reddit about everything that happens in your life.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 08:50

Penguissimo: Apr 7, 2007

Theophany posted:

Jesus Christ imagine having to consult reddit about everything that happens in your life.

Sounds like the kind of curse a modern Hera would inflict on someone in retaliation for Zeus hitting on them

# ? Sep 12, 2018 09:17

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

My [25M] bother [25M] is obsessed with fish and I think there is something wrong with him

quote:

I hadn�t seen my brother in over 5 years so I was really excited to spend the week at his house after so long. But after seeing him and staying in his house I really think there is something wrong with him. First of all, his house is full Aquariums. Now, don�t get me wrong, these tanks are amazing. You can tell that he really cares about the fish. The problem is that there are tons of them everywhere. Nearly every wall is covered in racks of tanks.

But it�s not the fish I�m worried about, but my brother. He seems to take great care of the fish but not himself. He�s morbidly obese, if I were to guess he�s like, 500 pounds. And I�m pretty sure he eats nothing but convenience food and takeout because there was no food in his house at all. Just stuff for fish.

I think he�s really depressed. He didn�t want to leave his house when I suggested we hang out somewhere. He didn�t want to see any of our family, even our parents. He seems to only be happy when he�s taking care of his fish or talking about his fish. When I asked him if he was doing okay he insists that he�s doing fine. But I know there is something bothering him. It hurts to see him like this. What do I do? How do I help him? I�ve never dealt with this before! I just want him to be okay again.

TL;DR: My brother is obsessed with fish and is showing signs of depression

Aquaman origin story is pretty loving bleak.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 11:00

Gibbon: Feb 22, 2004; chang chang!

Haifisch posted:

November 2013 was interesting times in Dear Prudence:

Dear Prudence,
My husband achieved professional success and wealth early in life. His work involved long hours and lots of stress, and by his 30s he decided that he wanted out.

Jesus, man lives the absolute dream and wife wants to ruin it

# ? Sep 12, 2018 11:02

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

"all my husband's friends died of tainted weed"

# ? Sep 12, 2018 11:18

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

Theophany posted:

My [25M] bother [25M] is obsessed with fish and I think there is something wrong with him

Aquaman origin story is pretty loving bleak.

I know a guy like this except it's computer games. Is this a diagnosable thing?

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:07

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

pidan posted:

I know a guy like this except it's computer games. Is this a diagnosable thing?

As mentioned, probably severe depression.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:08

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Lol that isn't even the first fish obsession story we've had. There have been others from women worried about their boyfriend's ridiculously expensive and time consuming fish setups.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:08

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

Moon Atari posted:

Lol that isn't even the first fish obsession story we've had. There have been others from women worried about their boyfriend's ridiculously expensive and time consuming fish setups.

For anything that people can possibly interact with in any way, there is some man out there who is completely obsessed with it in his private life. Fish, birds, stars, chess, anything.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:19

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Autistic obsession is both the engine of all human progress and a trait that sex selection seemingly should have evolutionarily extinguished long ago.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:29

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

I'm heavily into lip balm. I can't get enough of lip balm

I have a huge collection of lip balm from all over the world

I put it in my rear end, on my penis, in my face etc

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:31

HazCat: May 4, 2009

Women get it socialised out of them, it's not a gender linked trait. Much as how it turns out autism actually probably isn't significantly overrepresented in men compared to women, but women get more support (and scrutiny) in learning to socialise at younger ages and so aren't as likely to be formally diagnosed.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:33

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

What even is autism

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:37

Freudian: Mar 23, 2011

Zzulu posted:

What even is autism

Imagine four trains at the edge of a platform.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:44

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Zzulu posted:

What even is autism

It's a fake diagnosis to excuse antisocial behavior, like gluten sensitivity or fibromyalgia

# ? Sep 12, 2018 12:49

Nicomo: Jan 22, 2015

This is the greatest thread in the history of the internet. I've been reading it for months and am at around page 550.

The stories themselves are entertaining however I am also enjoying the regular derails around each story from the more prolific posters. Including Mirthless, Morridian, Pick, and more having stimulating debate/petty name calling/making GBS threads on this Mirthless guy.

I'll probably never catch up to the front haha.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 13:32

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

you ain't kidding

gently caress 'im up, Prudie

�dear prudence� posted:

Dear Outgunned,

hahaha owned

# ? Sep 12, 2018 13:36

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

It's weird to read Ortberg's early columns where he was still writing as Mallory but the byline clearly says Daniel now. I'd think they would have updated his gender/name throughout, but maybe he wanted to maintain the stuff he'd done before he came out. Idk.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 14:33

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Superfriends Narrator: Using his great powers Aquaman summons his friends, the people of DoorDash, to bring him a dozen Filet O'Fish sandwiches from the local McDonald's to his secret, underwater lair.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 14:42

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Moon Atari posted:

Autistic obsession is both the engine of all human progress and a trait that sex selection seemingly should have evolutionarily extinguished long ago.

I mean, someone whose biggest issue is obsessive autism would be a much greater catch than the majority of people posted ITT.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 14:45

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# ? May 24, 2024 22:12

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

HazCat posted:

Women get it socialised out of them, it's not a gender linked trait. Much as how it turns out autism actually probably isn't significantly overrepresented in men compared to women, but women get more support (and scrutiny) in learning to socialise at younger ages and so aren't as likely to be formally diagnosed.

Socialized out of them and also socialized into channeling it into things that the general public doesn't pick up on. A meticulously organized collection of anime figurines is a huge red flag, but a meticulously organized collection of nail polish is just chicks doing chick things who understands 'em amirite

Listen I only ordered US-banned nail polish from France that one time and it only made sense to get a few backups and yes obviously they need to be in a separate drawer in my Ikea Helmer

# ? Sep 12, 2018 14:58

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