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Danaru posted:What do you do when you see Granos? The exception that proves the rule.
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Sep 12, 2018 04:16
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loquacius posted:Doesn't swatting usually intrinsically involve lying to the police? If he gets a call saying that his brother is drunk and trying to kill his sister-in-law, telling the cops about it isn't called swatting, it's called his civic duty and it's also called outsourcing the problem to people who get paid to deal with it I was being semi- facetious, since the most likely outcome of calling the cops on a psycho drunk armed man with a hostage is the guy getting shot.
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Sep 12, 2018 06:29
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The brother vs wife story is obvs Loq. Follow up- I got divorced, but NOT for eating chili on the toilet. 
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Sep 12, 2018 06:33
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ScentOfAnOtaku posted:But see the cops would get away with it no problem, Depends if the anon/his brother is white or not. Cops shoot whitey: Probably get fired Cops shoot black person: paid admin leave.
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Sep 12, 2018 12:51
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wesleywillis posted:Depends if the anon/his brother is white or not. That depends on your local demographics. Back home in Honkeytown, the cops routinely shoot white trash because gently caress they just gotta kill something I guess.
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Sep 12, 2018 12:59
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wesleywillis posted:Depends if the anon/his brother is white or not. They definitely sound white trash as hell. I think as long as they don't shoot the pregnant wife too they'd get away with it.
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Sep 12, 2018 13:13
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Cops can shoot whoever they want, they just choose to exercise that power on black people more often
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Sep 12, 2018 13:50
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The mistake here is believing cops would help an abused woman instead of her abuser.
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Sep 12, 2018 13:57
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Also the police would have desecrated their flesh and cast their souls into the Hell of the Upside Down Sinners.
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Sep 12, 2018 14:01
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well, duh
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Sep 12, 2018 14:32
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Guy with the abusive brother: try cutting your dick off. At times people just really need something to snap them out of their inertia. If your brother and his wife watch you just cut it off, they might sober up a bit yknow? It'll also solve the problem of you having to go over there any more, because seeing you go through such a significant sacrifice for them, they will no longer think to call on you for help because you've already done enough. Good luck!
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Sep 12, 2018 18:31
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quote:Last week, I did something I've never done before. I fapped at work. this could prove dangerous for your mobile data usage, beware Followup from the goon who bought the giant fake butt: quote:30 pound sex toy misadventure goon, here. I managed to get off scot-free! To divert my wife from discovering the scene of the self crime, I called her from the hospital and told her not to worry. As anticipated, she worried and came straight to see me. My explanation for my sorry physical state? I fell. There's a slightly not perfectly shaped small set of stairs leading into our garage and I've often almost taken a tumble there. I'm a big guy. One small misstep and I could really hurt myself, perhaps even exacerbate old college injuries. Exacerbating wasn't what I was doing, but she'll never know! That's because I was able to slyly text a trustworthy homie and get him to clean up the mess. I told him where we keep the gloves. Now I believe he'll never tell, but I'll be buying his beers for a good long while. I'm all in the clear but I'll miss several days of work. No problem, I'm the boss. I don't know if any goons work for me but we're a decent sized company. So if your overweight, balding, but ruggedly handsome manager is taking a few days off to rehab some old football injuries, don't say a word! Or do, and maybe male sex toy injury stories will become prevalent enough that if my friend decides it would be funny to tell my wife about this incident, she'll be understanding because she's read some article like "Millennials are killing avocados and 30 pound plastic asses!" shorter on details than I'd hoped 
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Sep 12, 2018 19:32
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Explain the sex toy injury you degenerate
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Sep 12, 2018 19:37
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This doesn't explain how the injury occurred and what kind was sustained that it could be explained by falling down a set of— —oh. I see. You almost fooled me this time... Puppetmaster.
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Sep 12, 2018 19:37
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tell us more about your plastic rear end injury
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Sep 12, 2018 19:40
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SciFiDownBeat posted:This doesn't explain how the injury occurred and what kind was sustained that it could be explained by falling down a set of— Master puppetted again!
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Sep 12, 2018 19:47
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Post the rear end
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Sep 12, 2018 19:48
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VanSandman posted:Post the rear end
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Sep 12, 2018 20:08
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I also want to see the rear end.
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Sep 12, 2018 20:32
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Guys stop asking people to email me pictures of gross stuff (a used sex toy counts as "gross stuff") I mean if he wanted to email a link to the site he bought it from that'd be a different story
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Sep 12, 2018 20:36
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a 30-pound silicone rear end, covered in blood and, I dunno, broken glass does not coult as "gross stuff" but rather "groundbreaking forums content"
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Sep 12, 2018 20:50
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anon posted:Lesson learned: Know your limits and lie to cover your rear end. i see what you did there 
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Sep 12, 2018 21:24
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We're on the cutting edge of potentially one of the greatest goon sexual mishap stories since GE Café stomped chunks of his own rear end in a top hat down his shower drain.
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Sep 12, 2018 21:27
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loquacius posted:Guys stop asking people to email me pictures of gross stuff I told his bitch rear end (no pun intended) to at least tell us what the sex toy was... Ummmm, because my friend wanted to know.
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Sep 12, 2018 21:28
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I gave up and googled, and even the BBW version of the gross torso thing is under 10 lbs 
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Sep 12, 2018 21:30
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i like nice words
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drat, I wanted the wife to find the crime scene
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Sep 12, 2018 22:04
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I'm the guy who uses the word fapped in tyool 2018. Also busting one at work has gotta be mandatory at least once in your life
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Sep 12, 2018 22:28
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Here's one for ya... I'm addicted to not being addicted. I hate the idea of anything having influence over my character. For as long as I've remembered, I've hated the concept of giving up any of my senses or judgement, because I've always been the one to babysit my friends when they do LSD, or talk away the cops or be designated driver when they're drinking. I've never been drunk (I have 1 or 2 drinks a years, I've never had more than 1 serving in a day), and I've never done any illegal drugs... until now. It recently dawned on me that I'm still addicted to stress-eating all the snacks around me at work, and I'm addicted to porn. So, a few months back I went and illegally bought Naltrexone online, which is an opiate-blocking drug. It is prescribed to alcoholics and heroin addicts because it blocks the high from both. None of that applies to me, but it stops the rush I get from overeating, which has caused me to drop 32 pounds in the last 4 months and get back to a healthy weight. It also mutes the "afterglow" I get from fapping, so I overall spend less time on it. I don't do two hour-long beat sessions because the orgasms aren't mind-blowing enough to be worth the effort anymore, I just try to get it over with. This drug itself isn't addictive and has no withdrawal when I forget to take it, as all it really does is clog up opioid receptors in the brain. It does give me pretty bad headaches at higher doses and I find myself compelled to keep jamming a lot of it, because no matter how much I take, some euphoria sneaks through when I eat or have sex. I guess the only downsides are the headaches, and that while it psychologically helps me spend less time jerking, it doesn't really reduce my once-a-day sex drive, which still takes up more of my time than I'm comfortable with. I've been looking into chemical castration (which is why I noticed this thread, because of the thread title), but it seems like those drugs are only taken as injections, which I dislike, and blocking testosterone has a ton of health implications obviously. I wish there was a way to keep my testosterone with regards to muscle mass and bone density, yet block the psychological effects it has on libido. I can't seem to figure out a solution. But yeah, I'm compelled to keep on this ridiculous quest of freeing myself from all addictions, even the ones me own body creates for itself. I realize how weird it is; at least people who ruin their lives with drugs or alcohol are getting high, or a person who's a sexual masochist might still get endorphins from being whipped or something. But for me, this true, miserable purity brings me sincere satisfaction. It is hard to explain but I'm happier than I've ever been thanks to this stuff.
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Sep 12, 2018 22:31
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bell jar posted:I'm the guy who uses the word fapped in tyool 2018. Also busting one at work has gotta be mandatory at least once in your life I haven't, but I have had sex at work. I've also been arrested at work though, so it all evens out.
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Sep 12, 2018 22:32
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Solice Kirsk posted:I haven't, but I have had sex at work. I've also been arrested at work though, so it all evens out. Were those two events linked?
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Sep 12, 2018 22:39
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You'd think, but nope.
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Sep 12, 2018 22:42
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Zero VGS posted:Here's one for ya... I'm addicted to not being addicted. I hate the idea of anything having influence over my character. For as long as I've remembered, I've hated the concept of giving up any of my senses or judgement, because I've always been the one to babysit my friends when they do LSD, or talk away the cops or be designated driver when they're drinking. I've never been drunk (I have 1 or 2 drinks a years, I've never had more than 1 serving in a day), and I've never done any illegal drugs... until now. You're addicted to control, congrats
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Sep 12, 2018 23:11
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subpar anachronism posted:You're addicted to control, congrats Ah crap, you're right. Well, controlling myself I guess. I don't try to control anyone else.
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Sep 12, 2018 23:40
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Zero VGS posted:Ah crap, you're right. Well, controlling myself I guess. I don't try to control anyone else. You hate the idea of anything having influence over your character and yet it seems like this fixation on control actually controls you and affects your life in many ways. Sorry man but in reality I have more control than you because I can have a few drinks every now and then without obsessing over a small change in judgement.
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Sep 13, 2018 00:31
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Naltrexone gets way less effective after using it for about 6 months. Enjoy it while it lasts I guess.
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Sep 13, 2018 02:31
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Play posted:You hate the idea of anything having influence over your character and yet it seems like this fixation on control actually controls you and affects your life in many ways. Sorry man but in reality I have more control than you because I can have a few drinks every now and then without obsessing over a small change in judgement. Yeah, I hadn't really considered that perspective before. In my defense, while you might be able to claim that you have more control than me, or that you trust in yourself more than me (I don't trust myself not to become a mean drunk or a drug addict, for example), you can't as easily assert that you're more responsible than me. If being impaired by substances has any chance of leading to irresponsible behavior, then being sober is the most maximally responsible option. D-Pad posted:Naltrexone gets way less effective after using it for about 6 months. Enjoy it while it lasts I guess. Jeez, I hope not. Is that from personal experience, anecdotes from friends, or a study? I wonder if I could cycle between similar drugs like Naloxone or Nalmexone without developing a cross-tolerance? Guess I'll research that.
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Sep 13, 2018 03:13
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Made a big deal about fapping at work guy, Welcome to manhood.
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Sep 13, 2018 03:17
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I sealed myself inside a ventilated steel cask with a tube that drip feeds me nutrients and water so its physically impossible for me to make an irresponsible decision. Drown in your jealousy of my responsibility, plebeians 
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Sep 13, 2018 03:22
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tesilential posted:Made a big deal about fapping at work guy, That's my other confession... my favorite porn is that pornhub stuff where someone holds their smartphone over/under the stall and catches the other person fapping at work. I feel bad about it because obviously I'd be loving furious if someone did that to me, but at least the ones where they don't get the person's face, or blur it out, I can feel not completely sleazy about. There's something really hot about that to me; porn actors know they have a camera on them, and amateurs adjust their behavior too. Only when you catch people completely unaware can you get a candid window into real human sexuality, and that's beautiful to me, even if the methods to procure it are disgusting. Another reason why I feel guilty about having a sex drive. Danaru posted:I sealed myself inside a ventilated steel cask with a tube that drip feeds me nutrients and water This is probably a bad time to mention that I'm a fan of Soylent drinks, huh? OK, that's about as far as I'm willing to volunteer. I'm a piece of work.
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Sep 13, 2018 03:34
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cut out the fake plastic middleman and just use your homies rear end next time imo sexventure goon Sounds like yous have the sort of relationship where he’d be open to considering it
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Sep 13, 2018 03:37
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