NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?

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sweet thursday: Sep 16, 2012

I feel like we didn't need every division to have its own thread back in the days when we had the talent. Now I feel like it's even more diluted.
#notonmylawn #bringbacktherealnv #fucktheravens

# ? Sep 12, 2018 22:45

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# ? May 29, 2024 23:37

Evrart Claire: Jan 11, 2008

kiimo posted:

Derwin James knocking that pass to DeAnthony Thomas in the endzone down was the moment where I was like well gently caress this guy's another star for the Chargers.

Glad the Chargers will have a new defensive star to root for to help ease the pain of Bosa's passing.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 22:50

EmbryoSteve: Dec 18, 2004; Taste~The~Rainbow

My blood sugar is gon' be like

~^^^^*WHOA*^^^^~

cavallingus posted:

Miller sacked Wilson three times on Sunday. Just imagine what Mack is going to do to him

I think it is possible for the Hawks to win, but still think it is likely the bears will win especially if the there are no changes in protection. feeling 60-40 bears win.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 22:52

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

The hawks will win as Mitch Trubisky is not very good

# ? Sep 12, 2018 22:55

wandler20: Nov 13, 2002; How many Championships?

a neat cape posted:

https://twitter.com/PFF_Chargers/status/1039972651681427456?s=19

Meanwhile Vita Vea have taken one snap as a pro and practiced once. loving Bucs man.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 22:55

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Yeah I'm going with the Hawks on that one, spread be damned.

Anyways, https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/nfl-owners-need-to-stop-making-excuses-and-give-colin-kaepernick-a-chance/

quote:

He's not good enough.

Okay, but Nathan Peterman and Matt Cassel and Brandon Weeden and Ryan Mallett and Cooper Rush and Garrett Gilbert and Brock Osweiler and Blaine Gabbert supposedly were, and need I go on and on about all of the vagabond, journeymen and never-were's that have been employed during Kaepernick's banishment from the game? Have Peterman's three NFL starts alone � none of which he was able to complete � not gotten your attention (he had a 0.0 quarterback rating with no first downs in the first half before being benched, again, Sunday)? The fact the Robert Griffin III currently has an NFL job and Kaepernick hasn't had a chance to even throw for an NFL team speaks volumes.

To reiterate, Kaepernick for his career has 72 passing touchdowns to just 30 interceptions for 12,271 yards, an average of 7.3 yards/attempt and a rating of 88.9. He also has 13 rushing touchdowns and averages a gaudy 6.1 yards per carry. Since 2011, when Kaepernick entered the league, he still ranks quite high in many key metrics, despite starting no games as a rookie, just seven games in 2012, playing just half a season in 2015 due to injuries, making just 12 starts in 2016 (when Gabbert was allegedly a better option to open the season, and having not appeared in a game in 2017 or 2018).

Even with all of that missed time, since 2011, Kaepernick is tied for 14th in QB rating, tied with Carson Palmer and Andy Dalton (who each averaged $16M/year or more on their deals). He ranks just behind Tyrod Taylor and Matt Stafford in that category. Kaepernick's TD/interception ratio ranks 8th overall in the NFL since 2011 at 2.40, oh, you know, just behind a couple of stiffs named Peyton Manning (2.64) and Drew Brees (2.67).

Kaepernick ranks tied for 1st in interception percentage (1.4) since he entered the league, with the same percentage as a bunch of names I didn't recognize, but perhaps you've heard of them � Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Alex Smith and Tyrod Taylor. Is that good? Kaepernick ranks 21st overall in touchdown percentage (4.3), tied with Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles, and Alex Smith, the guy he beat out for the 49ers starting job as a youngster and who now makes $27M/year. Kaepernick's 72 touchdown passes since 2011 still ranks 25th best in the NFL (despite making just 58 career starts and missing all that time). His 7.25 yards per attempt puts him in the top 25 as well. Just behind Smith (7.27) and Matthew Stafford (7.29).

Kaepernick's 13 rushing touchdowns since 2011 rank sixth among all quarterbacks (he has three less than Russell Wilson in that span in roughly 30 fewer games), and his 6.13 yards per attempt is second only to Blake Bortles in that span.

quote:

He doesn't really want to play football.

Okay, then why is he in the best shape of his life? Why is he in an Uber at 5 a.m. most days from New York City to New Jersey to throw a ton of passes and work on his conditioning and speed and then back to the gym to lift? Why does he spend nearly every day with his personal trainer, Josh Hidalgo? Just to look really good in those Nike commercials that no one had any way of knowing were ever going to happen back in the spring of 2017 when Kaepernick began looking for another team to employ him?

He didn't set out looking for a collusion case. His agent, Jeff Nalley, hasn't called every NFL general manager over and over hoping all would turn him down for one reason or another. He wasn't the one who decided the Green Bay Packers would be perfectly fine with Brett Hundley trying to play quarterback nearly all of last season with Aaron Rodgers hurt. Not his fault the Texans preferred to roll with a combination of Tom Savage, TJ Yates and Taylor Heincke with Deshaun Watson lost for the season or the Titans thought it made sense to work out Weeden, Yates, Matt Barkley and Matt McGloin last October with Marcus Mariota yet again battling injury.

Had a single team sent a scout of official to check out Kaepernick, the word would be out on his arm strength, conditioning, 40-yard dash time, etc., not injury free and still just age 30 (youthful by QB standards for sure). But then again, that would make it even harder to continue perpetrating the notion that he isn't ready to play tackle football for a living, wouldn't it?

quote:

It's bad for business.

Oh really? How's it working out for Phil Knight? You think he did this as a publicity stunt? It ain't warm and fuzzy in the Fortune 500, brother, it's just business � cutthroat business at that in sporting apparel � and Nike made this calculated decision to make money. And that they are doing. The surge in sales and the bounce in stock price and the burst of global attention and clicks and mentions all over the world on social media. Yeah, that happened. And its only just begun.

So let me get this straight � a company that could buy and sell the NFL with a brand that resonates much more far and wide than does professional American football � is totally comfortable with the prospect of Kaepernick in essence serving as "America's quarterback," for the exact purpose of selling products, but he isn't worthy of being given a shot of trying to be Nashville's backup quarterback or Green Bay's emergency quarterback? Riiiiight. Who really has more to risk? Knight's gamble, and resulting windfall, speaks volumes.

Sure, there are some lunatics burning their shoes � but catering to the lunatic fringe is a dangerous proposition. Is anyone picketing the Nike offices? How are things at the headquarters in Beaverton? Has the good publicity far outweighed the bad? For every outpost that tries to switch from Nike to some other outfitter, there are shirts and shoes flying off the shelves (the first edition of Kaepernick's jersey sold out almost immediately).

Say what you want about fan backlash, but go back to Mike Vick coming out of federal prison for dog fighting, and the roughly three days of a "distraction" that was before things at Eagles' headquarters were basically back to normal. Given the overall demographics of the NFL and all that has transpired since the start of the 2017 season � with Donald Trump's SOB comments and the continuing fallout � some QB-needy team giving Kaepernick a workout is going to divide an NFL locker room? When wife-beaters and child abusers and animal abusers have been given repeated chances? Please. Stop.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:01

Kawalimus: Jan 17, 2008; Better Living Through Birding And Pessimism

The Browns first win will come against the Ravens. I just know it.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:11

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Kawalimus posted:

The Browns first win will come against the Ravens. I just know it.

We won't wait that long.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:12

Kawalimus: Jan 17, 2008; Better Living Through Birding And Pessimism

Flikken posted:

We won't wait that long.

Please don't. Put my fears at ease.

Also Bengals PLEASE win a playoff game!

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:16

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Kawalimus posted:

Please don't. Put my fears at ease.

Also Bengals PLEASE win a playoff game!

Since the Browns returned in 1999 we are 4-1 against the Saints.

Jon Gruden is rebuilding a team that didn't need rebuilt

I would say the Jets is winnable but Darnold was impressive.

Then the Ravens, so who knows?

I can see the Browns winning all of those and losing all of them too.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:20

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; Against All Tyrants; Ultra Carp

Honestly I think the Jets are going to be better than most people think this year, and I'm not just saying that because of how thoroughly they annihilated the Lions.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:41

Ches Neckbeard: Dec 3, 2005; You're all garbage, back up the truck BACK IT UP!

Crowell is going to run so loving hard against Hue. I can't wait to see how that turns out.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:42

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Ches Neckbeard posted:

Crowell is going to run so loving hard against Hue. I can't wait to see how that turns out.

Man Hue did Crow dirty. I'm not upset about the Hyde Signing but I thought Crowman never got a fair shake with Hue.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:44

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

Flikken posted:

Since the Browns returned in 1999 we are 4-1 against the Saints.

Make it 5-1 and I'll be your best friend!

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:48

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

weird Asian candy posted:

Make it 5-1 and I'll be your best friend!

We are 3-1 against the falcons in the same time frame

3-1 against the Bucs too

1-4 against the Panthers.

We are 11-7 against the NFC South since 1999.

How did that happen?

Flikken fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Sep 12, 2018

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:52

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

Flikken posted:

We are 3-1 against the falcons in the same time frame

3-1 against the Bucs too

1-4 against the Panthers.

I didn't ask for a history lesson, just to beat the dang Saint!

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:55

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

weird Asian candy posted:

I didn't ask for a history lesson, just to beat the dang Saint!

Before I do the research, I'm pretty sure the NFC South is the only current Division that the expansion Browns have a winning record against.

# ? Sep 12, 2018 23:57

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

I don't think the Browns can hang with the Saints offense and they're probably gonna get smacked around. The spread is 10 points for god's sake. Really enjoying the post-tie optimism tho

# ? Sep 13, 2018 00:12

WHOOPS: Nov 6, 2009

Kalli posted:

https://twitter.com/JeffEisenband/status/1039553802691649537

When asked about this sack, Flowers said he kicked out quickly because he was setting up for a speed rush.

From Calais Campbell.

:psyberger:

# ? Sep 13, 2018 00:14

nah: Mar 16, 2009

People say, wow how bad must Allen be if Peterman looked that much better in practice, but keep in mind that McDermott appears to be a complete dumbass and may not actually know the difference between a good QB and a bad one. Allen will probably do way better

# ? Sep 13, 2018 00:48

Finger Prince: Jan 5, 2007

Flikken posted:

Since the Browns returned in 1999 we are 4-1 against the Saints.

Jon Gruden is rebuilding a team that didn't need rebuilt

I would say the Jets is winnable but Darnold was impressive.

Then the Ravens, so who knows?

I can see the Browns winning all of those and losing all of them too.

Browns will find a way to be the first team to go 0-0-16.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:03

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

I'm just sitting here wondering where they end up ranked if that happened. Technically aren't they .500 and yet undefeated with zero tie breakers

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:12

waah: Jun 20, 2011; Better stay in line when
You see a Pavel like me shinin

Flikken posted:

We are 3-1 against the falcons in the same time frame

3-1 against the Bucs too

1-4 against the Panthers.

We are 11-7 against the NFC South since 1999.

How did that happen?

One lone win against the Panthers was a barn burner of broken Jake Delhomme vs Jimmy Pickles Clausen.

The combined for zero touchdowns and three interceptions.

One of Delhomme's interceptions was a pick six for old times sake.

Peyton Hillis had 194 all purpose yards and three touchdowns.

It was as awful as it sounds.

The losses were, the game where Johnny Manzel got injured and quit; a field goal rock fight between Delhomme and Charlie Frye where Keyshawn Johnson scored the sole offensive touchdown; yet ANOTHER rock fight between Rodney Peete and Tim Couch where the two teams combinedfor 207 yards passing and 4 interceptions; and a duel between Steve Buerlein and Tim Couch that was just average.

In all the games since realignment (2002) games between the two have averaged 318 yards passing... for both teams combined, and just over 4 combined turnovers a game. 11 touchdowns total with 2 of those being interception returns (7 Panthers, 4 Browns, both pick sixes by CAR defense).

Basically expect ugly football games and bet the under this year, though Cleveland's D-line will probably win the game this year.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:17

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

nah posted:

People say, wow how bad must Allen be if Peterman looked that much better in practice, but keep in mind that McDermott appears to be a complete dumbass and may not actually know the difference between a good QB and a bad one. Allen will probably do way better

I mean the selection process wasn't entirely opaque. As dumb and irrelevant as it is now, Peterman was superb in the preseason.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:18

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

I don�t think saints turn over the ball 6 times so the Browns are gonna get trounced.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:22

Flikken: Oct 23, 2009; 10,363 snaps and not a playoff win to show for it

Mr. Nice! posted:

I don’t think saints turn over the ball 6 times so the Browns are gonna get trounced.

Superbowl champion saints gave up 68 Yards to a punter and then lost the game to Colt McCoy

Flikken fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Sep 13, 2018

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:34

Strobe: Jun 30, 2014; GW BRAINWORMS CREW

kiimo posted:

I'm just sitting here wondering where they end up ranked if that happened. Technically aren't they .500 and yet undefeated with zero tie breakers

They'd end up functionally equivalent to 8-8, the head-to-head tiebreakers would be a matter for the other teams to worry about, and then I think they'd end up with a functional 3-3 AFC North and 6-6 AFC games tiebreaker?

Probably not enough to actually matter at the end of the season unless the rest of the AFC North experiences a magnificent catastrophe and pulls an NFC East with the next best record being Pitt at 7-8-1.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:45

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Strobe posted:

Probably not enough to actually matter at the end of the season unless the rest of the AFC North experiences a magnificent catastrophe and pulls an NFC East with the next best record being Pitt at 7-8-1.

6-8-2* in this scenario.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:49

Strobe: Jun 30, 2014; GW BRAINWORMS CREW

Grittybeard posted:

6-8-2* in this scenario.

Haha, I wonder if 7-7-2 would make the tie breaker that much more amusing.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:52

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

I would like the Browns to be the first 0-0-16 Superbowl winner. Because they are the Browns and gently caress existence they're going to do something Brownsy.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 01:56

Strobe: Jun 30, 2014; GW BRAINWORMS CREW

"The first winless team to make the playoffs" would be a suitably bizarre record.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:03

waah: Jun 20, 2011; Better stay in line when
You see a Pavel like me shinin

So I'm not saying Bosa is dead, but no one knows where he is.

https://twitter.com/Rotoworld_FB/status/1040037342399156224?s=19

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:17

Ches Neckbeard: Dec 3, 2005; You're all garbage, back up the truck BACK IT UP!

waah posted:

So I'm not saying Bosa is dead, but no one knows where he is.

https://twitter.com/Rotoworld_FB/status/1040037342399156224?s=19

Someone put his foot in a climate controlled container and transport it back to San Diego.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:22

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

This can�t be real.

https://twitter.com/bleacherreport/status/1040042380186009605?s=21

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:41

Yodzilla: Apr 29, 2005; Now who looks even dumber?

Beef Witch

People with photographic memories are basically wizards.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:44

Azhais: Feb 5, 2007; Switchblade Switcharoo

fsif posted:

This can’t be real.

https://twitter.com/bleacherreport/status/1040042380186009605?s=21

Rodgers can do that with every play he's done

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:45

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

Am I still allowed to do this

https://i.imgur.com/6IQnFKU.gifv

https://i.imgur.com/vYNfPd3.gifv

https://i.imgur.com/Na0XORY.gifv

# ? Sep 13, 2018 02:54

Hizawk: Jun 18, 2004; High on the Lions.

My friend has the ability to tell you immediately how many letters are in any word. In the English language. He's Croatian.

The brain is loving fascinating.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 03:22

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

I can tell you immediately when the Bengals have scored a touch down. Check the thread later on, but dont quote this or post there to make fun of me if they do not score one

# ? Sep 13, 2018 03:29

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# ? May 29, 2024 23:37

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

sweet thursday posted:

I feel like we didn't need every division to have its own thread back in the days when we had the talent. Now I feel like it's even more diluted.
#notonmylawn #bringbacktherealnv #fucktheravens

Part of the problem is people are apparently terrified of changing the subject so actual divisional conversations can only happen in divisional threads, otherwise N/V just meanders on whatever topic catches its attention.

# ? Sep 13, 2018 03:40

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?

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